#sorry anon but this is a question i am not prepared to answer atm. i will someday probably

[ferociousconscience]

why do you dislike the musical?

please anon, I just reached 100 followers. I don't want to lose all of them

[antigonick]

Pauline, I am sorry for reaching out BC this is a lot and I didnt mean to put this on you but I don't have anyone to go to atm, I just failed my dissertation which means I technically failed my masters. As much as I hate myself, academia is still something I want, it's still the end goal. During my dissertation, I felt so small and I still feel seven. I feel like I missed so much of studying and I want to try again and I want to keep trying BC what else is there? +

+ do you think it's possible? To fail a master's and still have a PhD, still become a professor? I would do another master's if that's a way to go. I don't mind. My mental health spiralled awfully last year and I couldn't handle even looking at the laptop, I still hate my desk and haven't been able to sit on it since. Do you think we get more chances at things we love? Do you think we could do something like this with a subject we love? Do you think it's possible?

Hey anon. So, the first thing is—take a deep breath. Don’t beat yourself up and don’t panic. This year has been hard for everyone. Students everywhere have struggled with work and mental health and especially with long-terms projects which require support and stamina—like dissertations. Teachers know that, administrators know that, and getting a failing grade on your dissertation is not a door closed and locked.

Don’t fucking hate yourself is what I mean. That failing grade is not a reflection of you, your skills, your work or your understanding—just a reflection of that particular, time-limited project, carried out despite harsh circumstances. You’re allowed to take your time; you’re allowed to stumble; and you’re allowed to be kind to yourself first and now before you think about what the future might hold.

Of course it’s possible to continue in your academic field despite this—’this’ being, again, just a bump in the road. I’m not gonna lie, to my knowledge, PhD programmes require that you hold a master’s degree, and preferably from a study-based master programme, in order to apply. There are exceptions, for older scholars or remarkable profiles, but the most conventional way is to work your way up the usual university ladder. 

(Though I’m not a fan of the gatekeeping on which each academic level is based, I will admit this: PhD work is hard, mentally and socially and physically, and you have to be prepared for it. Knowing how to research on your own, without the comforting framework of earlier levels, has to be learned. A master’s degree is obviously not the only way, but for young scholars, it’s often a necessary steppingstone. Anyway, it’s not up for debate: if you’re really bent on doing a PhD and going into academia, look into the PhD programmes you’re interested in: you’ll find the application requirements easily.)

But what I mean first and foremost is that you should allow yourself some reprieve, some time to heal, some time to get perspective. It won’t help to push and push until your resolve snaps. Doing another master’s to get your degree is possible, there’s no cap on that (except financially). Opting for kinder options (taking a year off? choosing to study part-time? or remotely?) could help too, if you want to look into that. None of these will hinder you down the line. Honestly, if you do another masters, and get your degree, nobody will judge you—or even notice that you failed one dissertation that one time. 

If you’re worried about time “lost”, then know this—most PhD candidates don’t follow the “conventional” schedule. A lot of PhD students in my field are older, and their journey adds to their skills, their scope, their ideas, their method. It’s exciting that we don’t all come from the same mold. It keeps research and debate and culture alive. The hard-hitting schedule academia advertises is a construct based on (shit) productivity ideals and contemporary social success. They don’t matter. They certainly won’t matter if you’re not happy, not able to think, not able to write, not able to grow. You want to go into academia because research and teaching make you happy, right? Then refocus on the happiness. Your self is not on hiatus while you trudge toward your goal, nor will that goal, when reached, solve all your problems and fears. 

The healthy thing to do is to be kind to yourself always—on your way up, even if it’s slow, even if it’s about endurance—, and not betting everything on what will happen when you reach the top. There’s no before and after, no clean break. Think of your studies as a logical progression towards professional research, not as a mean to an idealised end.

So, yeah, hum—don’t worry. Don’t beat yourself up. Just reflect on what you want, and on the kindest way to move towards it. I don’t know if I answered your question, but I wish you all the luck! Have a digital hug too (if you feel like one). 

[redhairedwolfwitch]

Rules of the game: answer these questions and tag 10 blogs you’d like to get to know better!

tagged by the ever so patient @goldenromanov who just gave me a fright when I tried searching via their old username and found the blog was gone...

nicknames: I don’t really have any

zodiac: Scorpio

height: I think I’m like 5ft3 or 5ft4 but I’m short compared to everyone else i know...

time: BST or GMT +1 because I live in the UK sooo... but rn its 19:09 according to my laptop

favourite band/artist: I have a few... All Time Low are good, so are 5SOS with Teeth aha had that playing on repeat for a bit...

song stuck in my head: Fireproof by Against The Current

last movie I saw: I think it was Descendants 3 but I’m not sure, I rewatched the first and second ones as well around the same time but cinema would be Spider-Man Far From Home.

last thing I googled: time zone difference between uk and usa... I got drawn to the USWNT even though I don’t really understand football I’m intrigued.

other blogs: nope

do i get asks: I have a lot of requests but I’m not writing rn because I have a cold and feel nasty and don’t wanna write but then recent developments mean I have a hug anon who I adore and this anon I call baby whale in my head since they leave a whale emoji at the end of their asks like how in pretty little liars A ended messages like ‘-A’

why this username: I have red/ginger hair, I like wolves and I was obsessed with Scarlet Witch/Wanda Maximoff at the time which is why I started writing fics.

following: 122... I usually follow active blogs on whatever topic or hole I’ve fallen down at that moment in time...rn its uswnt, before that it was descendants then it was overwatch.... hehehe

average amount of sleep: I like 8 hours... I don’t know if I actually get 8 hours but I like 8 hours... I got 8 hours last night and that was getting home at 2am from a flight so... but I still feel like ick because I have a cold *sighs*

lucky number: I like 17 and 19 atm... but I’m 18 rn so that sucks a bit but hehe not for long... oooh less than 2 months... wait am I mentally prepared to be 19?... I’m never mentally prepared for ageing -.-

what I’m wearing: trackies (I’m ill and they’re comfy) a t-shirt... pink stripey socks because that’s a fun detail

dream job: I don’t have one... I just would like to have a job... god knows what’s gonna happen with the UK in a shambles but either way, I’m moving to uni this month...

dream trip: I used to want to go to the US but I’m afraid to, I’m leaning towards Canada... maybe travel a bit in Europe too, I’ve not seen much of Europe... (god knows if that will happen, Brexit’s fucked everything)

favourite food: ... I don’t know? Everyone’s got like a go-to they’ll buy but I’m so used to being told we have food at home... I like pizza? But its usually a frozen £1 pizza from a supermarket I end up eating...

instruments I play: None...

eye colour: Blue with green around the pupils

hair colour: red/ginger (I prefer to say red but its ginger...)

aesthetic: shades of blue, comfortableness (warmth and layers etc), autumn/winter

languages: English... I did French in school but I’m slowly forgetting since I’ve never used it and that sucks that my brain is pruning a skill even though the school literally taught it purely to get a grade, not as a life-skill in case you went to a French-speaking country...

most iconic songs: My entire spotify has playlists based on my mood... I have a sad playlist of songs for my low days with songs that don’t make me tired due to their upbeats...

random fact: I have a cold and really want hugs rn plus maybe hot chocolate... but I have a cup of tea which will do for now...

I tag: @talatomaz and I don’t know anyone else who will actually do it... if you’re reading this and have the motivation and enthusiasm then just do it...  *flops on bed face first*

sorry I was so detailed, my brain’s in a bubble of illness so I cba to cut things down

[accidentally-marvelous]

I was tagged by @darthrumpel (thank you so much for the tag, I actually love this kind of stuff but I never got to do one since I joined Tumblr!!)

Rules: Answer 30 questions. Tag 10 blogs you want to get to know better.

Nickname(s): Fede and Fefy are the most used. Buccy, too.

Gender: Female

Sign: Capricorn

Height: 162 cm

Time: 11:52 PM

Favorite band(s): Linkin Park, Imagine Dragons

Favorite solo artist(s): I don’t really have one, I listen to a lot of different stuff but it’s rare that I like more than two/three songs from a single artist (exceptions being, of course, the two bands mentioned before)

Song stuck in my head: Lean on me, Bill Withers (there’s actually a story behind this)

Last movie I saw: I think it was Alex Strangelove on Netflix

Last show I watched: The pilot of The end of the f***ing world

When did I create my blog: Funnily enough, just a couple of days ago I receveid an email from Tumblr saying that my blog was created 4 years ago. I started to actually use it March this year, tho.

What do I post: A LOT of Marvel content. A whole lot. Mostly focused on the couples I ship (both romantic and platonic) and the cast as whole ‘cause they’re all precious. I don’t post a lot of photoshoot or fanfiction - I try to post links to mine, when I actually manage to finish them and get them posted.

Last thing I googled: Croatia, yesterday to know the results of the World Cup’s finals. I was at a Convention and couldn’t watch it.

Do I have any other blogs: No

Do I get asks: Nope, but I’d love to receive them, tbh. I’m fully prepared to fight anon haters, too lol

Why did I choose my URL: Well, this blog actually started with the idea of being a multifandom blog? And then Thor: Ragnarok happened and while I was still recovering, Infinity War happened (also, Black Panther in the middle) so at some point I was just posting all Marvel and I thought it was time to change the URL into something more fitting. Thus the accidentally. Marvelous is a pretty self-explanatory, I think.

Following:

Followed by:

Average hours of sleep: I have insomnia, so it’s like 8/9+ hours but starting from 3/4 AM??? I really have to adjust my sleeping schedule, tbh

Lucky number: I don’t know if they’re lucky for me, but my favourite numbers are 7 and 10.

Instruments: I don’t play anything but I’d love to learn to play the guitar or the piano.

What I am wearing: Just underwear, it’s so freaking hot!!

Dream job: Weeeeeell... I’m studying to become a pediatric nurse but I would actually love to be a writer. Like, to be good and lucky enough to be able to support myself just thanks to my books.

Favorite food: Pizza, hands down.

Nationality: I’m Italian

Favorite song: Can’t choose one, really, it changes often. Currently, I’d say Final Masquerade - Linkin Park.

Last book I read: I’m reading Wonder atm and lovng it.

Top 3 fictional universes I wanna join: Ooooohhh, uhm. I’d say the MCU Marvel, of course; Sense8 (only if I could be part of a cluster, tho) aaaand... Agents of SHIELD could be really cool? Maybe I’d be an Inhuman!!

Tagging: @lesbiansassemble @ironmanstan @dictionarywrites @thotki @tonystank-ds @loxxxlay @foreverthorki and I can’t really think of anyone else rn, sorry!