#sorry for the blurred subtitles.... i had no other choices

[urcuteharrington]

hi, I just saw your post asking for some requests. Maybe if you can do a Steve angst but with a little bit of fluff? 💛💛

forgotten?☁️🕊

summary-steve seemed to have forgotten you when nancy came into the picture

word count-1.8k

warnings-fighting and cursing

a/n-i really hope you guys enjoyed this because it took me so long to write but i appreciate you all and i’m so glad to be back 🤍

masterlist

huge thanks to @angsty-plots for giving me ideas for new angst plots<3

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steve and i were good friends that was until he started dating nancy wheeler. it use to be steve and i doing everything together hanging out at each others houses, long car rides , going to tommy’s parties , and now he forgot all about me. i knew steve had a crush on ever since the beginning... i saw the way he looked at her when she would walk past him , i saw the sparkle in his eyes when he talked about her or whenever she was around. it use to be steve, tommy, carol, and i hanging out at lunch everyday but i was soon replaced when steve asked nancy to go to his house for a hangout with carol and tommy since his parents were out of town. that night he only invited me out of pity and i saw the subtitle flirting between the two and it made me sick. i walked barb that night to the bathroom after she sliced her thumb trying to open a beer can.” i know steve has gauze and bandages somewhere here ill look just keep your hand under the water” i tell her. that night i saw nancy and steve go into his room and i knew what was going to happen and i couldn’t bare being their for it. I said my goodbye to barb wishing her a safe ride home and went on my way. remembering that night i cried my heart out wondering why steve never expressed interest in me.

That was months ago now it’s around october and it was tommy’s halloween bash. i wasn’t going to go but i decided that it was better than sitting at home doing nothing. i knew i was going to see steve their with nancy but i still went even if it was going to hurt seeing my best friend who forgot i even existed. I go dressed up as (whatever you want) and grab my keys getting ready to head off to the party. pulling up to the house i already see drunk teens walking around with their heels in hand or wobbling around. i walk in and head over to the kitchen and try to grab a drink of spiked punch. while pouring i look over and see them... steve and nancy dancing to the beat of the music. a sudden wave of sadness hit and i decided to take a sip of the punch feeling the alcohol run down my throat.

minutes pass and i decided to stay in the kitchen since i felt like it was my best bet to not run into them while on the dance floor. watching the drunken teens flirting and stumbling their words amused on how quickly the punch could get someone drunk.then i saw her , the girl who stole my best friend from me and the boy i loved. nancy walked into the kitchen and grabbed more cups of the spiked punch , one after another i was able to see her get completely shitfaced in the ,mater of only a few minutes. steve came looking for nancy and they got into a fight and i watched intensely. watching as the punch spilled all over her while sweater my mouth opened a jar shocked at how messy everything was getting. watching her and steve storm over to the bathroom. moments later i move to the living room near the front door and suddenly get shouldered by steve who seemed furious and watching jonathan rush to the bathroom. i decided to stay a little longer since the party was still going strong.

a few days later i noticed that steve and nancy were slowly falling out since he wasn’t visiting her at school anymore and her and jonathan seemed to have gotten closer. they seemed to be done and whatever was said in that bathroom must have been bad. i decided to go to steve’s house and check up on him, even if we weren’t friends anymore i didnt want to see him go through something like a breakup alone. knocking on his front door i waited anxiously wondering if i was making the wrong choice. “ hey how can i- oh hi y/n. i didnt uh expect you to be here?” steve says opening the door confused. “ i know steve but i wanted to talk to you” i say as he walks me to his room to talk.” hey i was actually gonna go out and apologize to nancy so if you can come and help me pick something out for her” my heart sank i haven’t talked to him in months and he already brought her up. not a hey how are you or a i miss you nothing its always about her i think to myself. “ oh i actually came to talk to you about something “ “ shoot” he says.” why did you stop talking to me” silence filled the room 1...2...3 minutes passed waiting for him to say something anything” steve you left me for nancy and i dont get what i did for you to sto talking to me. i understand shes your girlfriend but shit i didnt think you’d completely forget about me” i say standing up from his bed looking at him with sadness in my eyes.” i-i thought you didn’t want to hang out with us anymore y/n i didnt notice at first i i’m so sorry” he says guilt in his voice.” i feel like i lost the only person i truly cared about and and you were my friend and now you don’t even look my way steve how could you not notice me not being their... how did you not notice me not their at your basketball games cheering you on or the long car rides we would have just blasting music or going to tommy’s parties and taking turns getting shit faced. tell me steve is it me was i just not who you wanted to be around anymore was she my replacement because i saw it since the beginning” chocking on my words i hold back my tears. i didnt want to cry but eventually it fell and my vision blurred with tears.” y/n i never ment to make you feel that way and i am so sorry i guess i just got so caught up in nancy and i didnt notice you slowly leave and i i just feel terrible “ steve looked at me finally realizing how much he affected me and how much pain he caused me. “steve if you didnt want to be friends anymore you could have just told me you really hurt me” i say to him not daring to look him in the eyes.”i-i” is all he could say” you know what steve a simple hey i dont think we should be friends anymore its not your fault i just think we should go our own ways would have been nice” i say to him walking past him” you know thanks for being my friend for so many years but i cant be friends with someone who doesn’t give two shits about me anymore” i say as i walk out the door and walk back home since it was only a few houses down.steve not moving just in shock realizing that he was the reason why he lost his best friend.

days past and steve found out that nancy liked jonathan and accepted it telling her its okay and like that they broke up. driving around i felt a wave of sadness hit when the song steve and i would listen to while blasting music. tears spill down my face as i drive home. once i make it home i calm myself down and wash up when i suddenly hear the doorbell go off. walking over i open the door seeing the infamous billy hargrove “ hey their doll face i was wondering if you’ve seen my little sister max i know that you tutor some of her friends so i was wondering if you could help me figure out where the byers house is” he says licking his lips seductively “ yeah i could take you their and help you look for your little sister just let me grab my stuff “ i say looking at him.” after getting to the byers house i stay in the car until i see steve walk out confused at why he is their. everything happened so fast punches were thrown and now i’m driving the kids to this random area in hawkins. steve wakes up and sees me driving confused at how he ended up in this situation. getting to the destination steve and i talk while the kids grab everything. in the car they explained everything that happened in thus far with el , will, the upsidown , and etc. “ we broke up” steve says looking at me “ what why are you okay” even if we weren’t close anymore i didnt want him to feel like he had no one. “ she likes jonathan and the night of the party she called our relationship bullshit and i accepted it since i-“ dustin cuts him off by yelling at him how we didnt have enough time.

getting the kids out of the tunnels one by one steve was just about to help me up when he grabbed onto me tightly in a protective matter when the demo dogs ran toward us. watching as they ran past us he told me” i lost you once and i’m not gonna lose you again”getting out of the tunnels i was able to fully process everything that happened and once el closed the gate and steve and i were finally alone he broke the silence “ i love you y/n i never ment to hurt you and i’m sorry.” speechless i sit their “ steve i know you loved nan-“ he cuts me off “ after our first fight i knew she loved jonathan and i guess i couldn’t believe it till she called our relationship bullshit and i love you so much y/n and it was stupid of me to not tell you earlier” “ i love you too steve but what you did hurt me i mean you completely forgot about me” “ i know y/n but could you give me a second chance i’ll make it up to you... could i take you on a date and patch everything up” i really didn’t want to forgive him but i couldn’t just abandon him because i needed him i loved him and he loved me “ i would love that steve “ i say looking at him with love in my eyes and a smile plastered on my face.

[some-flyleaves]

tonight on spontaneous media thoughts with a-flyleaf, some rambles on Paranoia Agent because yours truly just went and binged another old anime maybe two people and a paperclip have ever heard of!

so a few weeks ago I somehow got into the mini habit of watching videos on the side while drawing, splitting my desktop between art on one half and youtube on the other. somehow the videos of choice ended up being anime reviews, because I... I don’t know, really. :V I’ve watched like 5 anime now, this one included, and wasn’t particularly planning on adding any more to that little lineup. (keep meaning to check out cowboy beepboop but EH.) the lack of investment helps with the “wait did I just miss something” multitasking mood I guess...?

anyway it was a short-lived habit if only because I ran out of stuff that needed drawing aka Image Comic Process but I digress. Paranoia Agent first came to my attention indirectly through... something completely different! \o/

in entirely unrelated circumstances, stumbled upon this article a few days ago and the “realistic portrayal” example caught my attention. a brief comment dig later and the name was identified, and it... features a weird cartoon dog? the wikipedia premise intrigued me but it ended up on my hypothetical neverending list of stuff to check out.

I mention the review thing because, while procrastinating on everything earlier today, I found this video and it immediately caught my attention. and hey, looks like the whole dub is up on youtube, only 13 episodes so might as well!

...not that I’d. necessarily recommend the youtube dub upload. it lacks subtitles for the writing which is actually pretty damn essential.

go watch that review if you haven’t already, because it sums up the show better than I ever could and talks about what hooked me: a basis in psychology and experimental art.

AND NOW FOR MY ACTUAL THOUGHTS ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ (to be formatted in bullet points later probably, again tfw mobile) edit 11/21: done, plus some additional thoughts after reading a few reviews/analyses around the web

it practically starts with a bang via baseball bat, and imo the first four episodes are the strongest of the series. in addition to the clever toying with art style as the video describes, we’re introduced to an ensemble cast of not necessarily likable but no less complex characters, and I always appreciate it when media doesn’t seem to be hitting you over the head (harhar) with LIKE THIS PERSON DAMMIT.

while I don’t have dissociative identity disorder and thus can’t speak to accuracy in its portrayal or weirdness in the subplot’s resolution, episode four three* also had one of the first examples I’ve seen of a character with “multiple personalities” that didn’t lean on the tired but one of them... is a MURDERER schtick.

*I initially got the numbering messed up here; the episode with the character who has DID is third, not fourth.

the entire series explores the idea of fiction and reality - no, this is neither the time nor place for the Shipping Debacle(TM), moreso in how fiction is a form of escapism both destructive yet necessary in just about everyone’s lives. the experimental elements play with this well, forcing the viewer to think about why the art is changing the way it does.

until around the end of episode 4*, it’s relatively clear when we’re getting a glimpse into a character’s psyche vs seeing what’s actually going on. and then the next installment hits, and it honestly wouldn’t surprise me if a lot of people bail at this point. it’s not bad necessarily, but the line between fantasy and reality isn’t just blurred - save for a few quick cuts, said line is utterly trampled. symbolism runs rampant and it can be tricky to figure out exactly what’s Actually going on, if anything at all - more on this later.

*e: this time I actually do mean the fourth episode.

on the topic of symbolism, there’s definitely something symbolic going on with the crows/ravens (death?) and to some extent color (namely gold/yellow, green, and red) but I haven’t quite put my finger on it.

you know that thing the video says about Lil Slugger being a manifestation of mass hysteria and destructive escapism? (if you don’t, what are you waiting for >:V it’s about 10 minutes long if you skip the spoilery part.) turns out, he really truly is, and it’s not just metaphors.

spoilers ahead; I’d recommend going in blind but use your best judgment, I know I might not have been so intrigued if not for reading the entire wikipedia plot synopsis in advance. why do I keep getting into media by knowing the Big Reveals first.

on one hand, I really like Lil Slugger being both symbolic and a literal supernatural threat. what I’m much less sold on, however, is how the less explained aspects are incorporated, namely towards the end. (big spoiler warning again, last chance!)

so what exactly DID happen to Harumi with the weird clownish smile makeup? what’s all this prophetic babbling from an old dude who really likes chalk (and whose ramblings admittedly might’ve made more sense if I could actually read his stuff), and how does he know it? what’s the deal with the otaku dude and his magical talking figurines? who knows! who cares, I guess. it’s all in the name of thematic significance - or to put it ironically, ~it’s media~

I can respect that as an artistic direction but it can feel a bit stranger than necessary, and I wasn’t a huge fan of the ending. so, what, suddenly chief’s 2d dream world is an actual real place he goes to? the “darkness closing in” is an actual black blob? holy shit, I really must emphasize the otaku dude’s weird voodoo sculptures and bascially everything else about him. th... the ex-“good cop” is now a wannabe superhero?? you do have to read between the lines to an extent to really Get the characters at times, which I actually like, but imo this was pushing it.

actually even before the climactic sequence I was... less than thrilled with the wife’s monologue. for the most part the show is good about not talking down to the viewer, obligatory exposition sprinkles aside, but just in case you weren’t sure what the themes were yet, here they are ft. odd visual echoing that doesn’t seem particularly relevant to the speaker’s state of mind!

there’s a bit more thematic narm towards the finale, especially from local sidekick-turned-video game hero, but at that point I was too busy wondering what the hell was going on to be too bothered.

e: several analyses and a rewatch later, the end of Harumi’s episode seems less nonsensical. it still doesn’t quite explain when she found the time to throw on all that makeup, but as with many other aspects of the series I was left baffled by at first (up to and including weird old math man), it makes much more sense thematically. Paranoia Agent is not a show meant to be taken at face value and trying to understand it all literally is an exercise in futility - not for everyone, but if you are willing to reconsider how you’re parsing it, it’s worthwhile. ...I’m still confused by otaku dude’s figurines, though >:V

/endspoilers (for now)

DESPITE the spoiler-loaded nitpicking above, overall I found it a solid watch - and the irony of bingeing it to procrastinate on school isn’t lost on me, especially after an all-too-relatable vignette featuring a student in the throes of quadratic equations.

while it definitely includes some darker themes, up to and including an episode about three internet friends meeting up to carry out a sort of suicide pact (which again probably would’ve been clearer if the version I watched had subtitles for text), the tone never feels particularly hopeless. it deals with the self-detrimental effects of overindulging in escapism, sure, but isn’t exactly MEDIA IS BAD TECHNOLOGY IS SCARY THE NEW GENERATION SUCKS. (one character has a similar attitude but it’s based more in nostalgia than hatred of the modern.)

reality sucks but you gotta face it and own up to your fuckups, pal, sorry! but rest and respite are important, too, lest you end up like the animation monkey whose very animation becomes rougher as the sleep deprivation really kicks in.

yes, monkey. not literally but definitely in design (no sameface \o/) and arguably behavior. there were a few comedic moments throughout the show, albeit often dark and/or satirically based so YMMV on how much they actually lighten the mood. for what it’s worth, the episode with the aforementioned suicide pact was probably the overall funniest.

overall I would recommend it as a good thought-provoking series, although if you’re having trouble at the fifth episode I won’t blame you for not sticking it to the end. personally, I kept watching because A) I wanted to see just how the murderous baseball kid mystery turned out & B) the art and symbolism shenanigans up to that point, definitely including the intro, had already given me a few Ideas(TM) and I wanted to see what else was in store. worth it? sure, but don’t expect too many explanations on the supernatural parts.

okay one more spoilery detour - and it’s a VERY BIG spoiler that I am actually going to encourage you not to read if you plan on watching. seriously. (e: format isn’t a mistake, I think it works better connected in paragraphs.)

sooo after skimming the plot synopsis and watching that entire review video, I already knew the thing about Maromi being based on a dead dog and Lil Slugger being the mystery assailant. what I did not expect was even that being a lie, in a way that I won’t specify because I’ve said too much already. and while I question the use of what I’m guessing was pms of all things, I actually really liked that twist.

HOWEVER. given that it all comes back to Tsukiko, she was fucking robbed in the character arc department. I get that she’s quiet and secretive so we don’t get any real details on her past until last second, which imo was a really forced reveal (seriously what is WITH those anime girls and their magic prophetic video game), and again I do like how she pretty much has a victim complex and that basically causes everything.

what I don’t like is that we needed cop superhero dude to lay it all out for her in terms of Big Realization Moments. everything only really gets “resolved” because she finally comes to terms with & takes responsibility for her mistake, but what leads her to this action? guys yell at her for fucking up and everyone gets consumed by inexplicable black ooze? EHHHHHHH I don’t buy it.

the chief’s mini-arc with his wife, which unfortunately was more told than shown (sensibly, so we could get Slugger’s reactions to the story, but it doesn’t mean I’m happy with it), was predictable but IMO believable. I definitely don’t think every story has to have clearly-defined protagonist/antagonist characters, especially with the “antagonist” here being a man vs society type of setup, but the end sequence seemed confused on who the real “hero” was supposed to be.

Ikari got the Big Moments of realizing he couldn’t live a lie forever, of smashing his dream world. Tsukiko... gets to go back in time and hug her dog, I guess? where was her moment, however subtle, of realizing she actually doesn’t NEED this little pink dog to save and protect her from reality. if that was supposed to be conveyed when her younger self started making stuff up it... lost me, unfortunately. as far as I registered it went straight for the dog and apology.

e: and you know, after all the aforementioned reading, I’m still inclined to agree with my initial thoughts - HOWEVER. this is a show that lives, breathes, thrives on thematic significance. character development and miniature arcs happen, absolutely, but they’re not the focal point. I can appreciate the ending’s direction much more if I kick conventional thoughts on character progression to the curb.

oh, and the intro? with everyone laughing with chaotic and/or destructive backgrounds while the random mysterious old people get a fancy restaurant and the goddamn moon? guessing the latter is because ~universal themes~ or something but the formal setting after a series of Heck is a moment of fridge logic - the woman’s homeless. she’s probably no stranger to more ravaged settings.

e: oh yeah, and something else I noticed about the intro - everyone is laughing, yes, but Tsukiko’s doesn’t seem... real. everyone else (minus Lil Slugger I guess but his eyes aren’t shown) has the characteristic squint of a genuine smile, but she’s wide-eyed as ever. maybe foreshadowing how she’s the one behind all this...? hrmm.

alrighty no more spoilers For Real This Time, just some miscellaneous notes that didn’t really fit elsewhere

one side character has the same voice as my favorite character from Urasawa’s Monster so that was neat. turns out detective #2 also shares actors with Monster’s protagonist, which took me longer to catch onto but was VERY amusing once noticed.

there’s no overt fanservice, minus like one or two questionable angles that aren’t even in the spotlight. a couple episodes have some Unfortunate Closeups but they’re entirely in service of the story; you’re definitely not supposed to be comfortable with it.

WHERE ARE THE OFF CROSSOVERS.

e: actually, for various spoilery reasons, I would not be the least bit surprised if this influenced OFF to some extent. but that’s another ramble for another time.