#sorry i was listening to the everything playlist on shuffle and halsey came on and i had a Vision

[voxphantasma]

so keep your heart ‘cause i already got one 🖤

[IMAGE ID: three black/white digital drawings of saccharina frostwhip, caramelina rocks, and amethar rocks from dimension 20 a crown of candy. they are sitting on thrones. first saccharina, her head is turned up, there’s a halo behind her, and it says “i am not a woman i’m a god” above her. next is caramelinda, she is facing forward and wearing her crown, the text above her says “i am not a martyr, i’m a problem”. last is amethar, he is facing down with his crown in his lap, the text above him says “i am not a legend, i’m a fraud” / END ID]

[killmytyme]

you can tell a lot about someone by the type of music they listen to !!

rules: hit shuffle on your media player and write down the first 20 songs, then tag 10 people. no skipping!

first of all i love @escapesos for tagging me in this bc yes one of my favourite things to do is talk about music i like and yes i am following your lead and talking about every single song, thank u for giving me a chance to do so

1. Flicker by Niall Horan and RTE Concert Orchestra - absolutely beautiful song, the orchestra gives it so much more, niall really came for my throat releasing a folky acoustic album and we love to see it

2. This City by Sam Fischer - i am absolutely positive i found this song from tiktok but i did go through a few week period where it was the only thing I listened to so take from that what you will

3. Can’t Take My Eyes Off You by Craymer & AIIVAWN - this is another tiktok song. yes i hate myself. 

4. If I Ain’t Got You by Alicia Keys - i have a video of me and my former housemates drunkenly screaming this song in our kitchen together. i like to think that’s what Alicia Keys would have wanted for this song. 

5. Motion by Khalid - Khalid’s voice sounds like the exact opposite of the way anxiety feels

6. Dumb Stuff by LANY - i would die for this song. the ONLY thing that is wrong with this song is how short it is. the line “you know our love is like a movie and i’m not above a good cliche” makes me lose my mind every time. this is the song that made me fall in love with LANY

7. The Quiet by Troye Sivan - this isn’t my fave from this album but the Blue Neighbourhood album is one of my all time favourite albums

8. Anaheim by Nicole Zefanya - my go-to sad song. i have an elaborate daydream fic that i haven’t ever written down and exclusively lives in my mind to this song bc i love the atmosphere, the lyrics, the heartbreak. 

9. Is There Somewhere by Halsey - funfact: in 2014/2015 I listened to this song so often that no matter what I do I cannot get it out of the top spot on my top 25 most played on iTunes

10. Talk Up by Drake and Jay-Z - I’m Canadian and if you didn’t know we are actually legally obligated to be Drake fans

11. everytime by Ariana Grande - the best song ariana has ever made is actually goodnight n go but this song comes in a very close second

12. Wish You Were Here by Marianas Trench - this song slaps even though Phantoms is my least favourite trench album, sigh

13. Getaway by Parachute - any other Olds on this site remember the forever and always/she is love/kiss me slowly days of Parachute, before there were official lyric videos for anything, and you would find music on youtube and it was just a weird windows movie maker slideshow of emo photos? those were the days

14. Dancing Under Red Skies by Dermot Kennedy - I’m a dermot kennedy stan first and a person second

15. Don’t Be a Fool by Shawn Mendes - first of all I love this song second and I stanned this album so hard that I once travelled all the way to Ohio for a Shawn Mendes concert which was one of the dumbest moves I’ve made, but now I go to Cleveland all the time as a result bc I made friends in the city and love it there so thanks to Shawn for that

16. Come Away With Me by Norah Jones - I grew up on this song and I am obsessed with it and it reminds me so much of fall

17. Black by Pale Waves - okay every time i hear the lyrics “and i know i’m argumentative/why did i make you feel so wrong/all i ever seem to do is ache for you/i love you but i know that it’s overdue” i do have a crisis. will be laying on the floor and staring at the ceiling for the next 3-5 business days. don’t text.

18. Lost & Found by Lianne La Havas - i swear we’re not in my sad playlist but god this song gets me emotional

19. Stay (Spotify Single) by 5SOS - best cover they’ve ever done and coincidentally also the best cover ever done by anyone. facts only. 

20. Sinning With You by Sam Hunt - i hate country but i love sam hunt and this song is........everything. 

okay sorry i Do Not Stop Talking thank you again for tagging me!! I am technically “at work” on my couch while doing this but if you want to do this, consider this your tag, go for it

[lovewavesxx]

Love Waves – EP 9 – Pink Pillows

October 16, 2017

“A few thoughts from Pink Pillows. –E xx.”

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/user/ericajones10/playlist/6iBQ8u16X0qim0ypl7Yb48

Apple Music: https://itunes.apple.com/us/playlist/love-waves-ep-9-pink-pillows/idpl.u-55D6lDlHx9Xkmj

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLwEZgDEorNRRItkk7C4ZD6enbIpcYm-Iz

This week’s playlist flow is ridic (ulous, if you must be lame and make me spell the whole word instead of attempting to be hip). Leave yo shuffle off bb.

1. mansionz – Wicked (feat. G-Eazy)

2. The 1975 – Girls

3. Rihanna – You da One

4. Kiiara – Wishlist

5. Travis Scott – Butterfly Effect

6.  Ghosted – Get Some (feat. Kamille)

7. Neon Trees – Sleeping With a Friend

8. Marty Grimes – Make It Back

9. Marc E. Bassy – Plot Twist (feat. Kyle)

10. Lauv – Reforget

11. Humble the Poet – H.A.I.R.

12. Daniel Caesar – Take Me Away (feat. Syd)

13. Halsey – Bad at Love

14. Julia Michaels – Issues (Alan Walker Remix)

15. Prince Fox – I Don’t Wanna Love You (feat. Melody Noel) [Adam York Remix]

16. Khalil – No Coincidence

17. Jhené Aiko – OLLA (Only Lovers Left Alive) [feat. TWENTY88]

******I NEED YOUR HELP WITH LOVE WAVES EP 10!!! AS A WAY TO CELEBRATE MAKING IT THIS FAR I WANT THE 10TH EPISODE TO BE ONLY MUSIC FROM OTHER PEOPLE. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SEND ME THE NAME OF A SONG OR SONGS WITH THE ARTIST’S NAME VIA ANYWAY POSSIBLE, OR BY CLICKING THIS PARAGRAPH, AND SUBMITTING YOUR SONG. I WILL TAKE ALL THE MUSIC I COLLECT FROM PEOPLE TO CREATE EP 10’S FLOW. IF YOU’D LIKE, YOU CAN LEAVE YOUR NAME WITH YOUR SUBMISSION, AND I WILL PUT YOUR NAME IN EP 10’S POST AS WELL SO YOU GET CREDIT! THIS IS JUST MY WAY OF SAYING THANK YOU FOR SUPPORTING LOVE WAVES AND HOPEFULLY GETTING PEOPLE INVOLVED IN SHARING SOME GOOD SHT! xx.******

https://ericajones10.sarahah.com/

Click here for my twitter @ericajones1010

Also, if you have a Spotify or Apple Music account I would love to follow you and most likely creep on your playlists. Somehow get me your profile link, send me a playlist, or let me know your username. Click here for my Spotify profile Click here for my Apple Music profile

Playlist Description:

Some of my best thoughts come while my head is lying on my pink pillow. Some of my worst thoughts come while my head is lying on my pink pillow. Everything in between is noise, but to be honest, it’s all just noise.

I never really thought much about how an inanimate object could be privy to some of the most important moments in my reality or just in my mind—those moments alone or sometimes with another person.

While in college some of my favorite times were when my closest friends and I were just laying in my room talking about everything, and nothing, while listening to music. They’d be on my bed and I’d be lying on the ground staring at my ceiling fan or on my futon. At times these positions varied, but you get the point.

There were nights I’d shove my face in that pink pillow to cry. There were times I’d hug that pink pillow wishing it was a human body, but it was 1:34 in the morning, and a pillow is what was closest to me. There were days I would pull myself out of bed to go to work and class and when I would return to my room that pink pillow was the first thing I’d see upon arrival.

Some of my best words have been inspired at times my head was on that pink pillow. Some of the best scenarios my head has created were while it was on that pink pillow. I see myself in different situations and places, sometimes alone and sometimes not, while lying on that pink pillow. (I don’t really know what to call the things I write because in my head they sound like songs and I don’t know if they’re considered poetry so I usually just call them words.)

This playlist stems from all of the hours I’ve spent thinking about what I have done, would’ve done differently, hope to do, and will actually do. I think a lot about my own future and where or what I’d like to do, and I also tend to think a lot about who I have or want to be by my side during those moments.

I think a lot about the people I care for and love. I think about the moments that have passed by and tasted so sweet, but I didn’t realize how precious they were. I think about the lines on my friends’ and family’s faces as their eyes lit up while they smiled or laughed too hard at something dumb I said or did. I think about what it felt like while we hugged. Where were your hands? Were your eyes closed like mine were? I didn’t want to let go, but I did. Did I hold on too long? Oh well, it’s over now. I hope I get to hold you again, but I just don’t know anymore. At times, I wonder if my effort or feelings will ever be returned, but it’s been long enough I think. People usually move on by now. “He didn’t seem excited to see you.” What’s wrong with me? Do you love me? Will you ever grow to love me? Am I wasting my time? Are you wasting your time? I think you forgot about me again. I fucked up. Have you fucked up? Would you tell me again if you did? Should I tell you I did? Would it hurt you? Would you even care? Probably not. Will we ever really talk again? I mean really talk again. Like we did on FaceTime that one day I didn’t know you were going to say anything. I thought about telling you I loved you about 80 billion times, but I didn’t. I’ve known since December, but it can wait. It’ll fade. I’m sure of it. You’ll fade. I’m sure of it. That was still a great moment with you. I don’t know. I just don’t know anymore. I’m kind of scared right now. This sht wasn’t supposed to happen, and what if I fall in love with him? I’m so scared right now. I don’t know how to be cool. To play this cool. I just need to find a distraction from this distraction. I need to stop thinking about this right now. Next paragraph.

My pink pillow has been the resting place for much of the good and bad that is in my life. That’s crazy to think about, right?! It’s just a freakin’ pillow. Yet, at the same time it is a constant in the evolution of who I have been, currently am, and strive to become.

Yoo this is was some overthinking sht at it’s finest. :)

Song Explanations:

Wicked by Mansionz featuring G was actually not one of my favorite songs from their album for the longest time. There’s this line G says and it just would make me feel upset and so I dismissed the whole song. I didn’t want to listen to it. Recently, I’ve really started liking this song. I also feel kind of bad because in some ways I am very much like that girl they are singing about. I’m sorry in advance. I hate me too. :)

THE 1975 IS MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE BAND. It takes a lot of effort for me to not put them in most Love Waves playlists. I think Girls fits perfectly with the theme and flow of this week’s comp sooooo in it went. SUCH a tune.

Wishlist is a song Kiiara literally just released a few days ago. My favorite line is, “I’ll pour the gasoline on your halo.” I’d say I am an angel or positive with good behavior about 98% of the time, but that 2% can be dangerous. It gets more dangerous when I’m with someone equally mischievous. It’s like we feed off of each other’s energy and actions.

Get Some by Ghosted featuring Kamille is a song my friend Adam sent me weeks ago. It sounds all innocent and dancy until you actually listen to the words and you’re like, “Wut tha actual phuq?” It cracks me up, but it also fits the theme. I also highly recommend the music video because you would think it’s going to be a certain way BUT the entire video is not at all what I expected.

Click here to watch the official music video for Get Some by Ghosted

Ayyyy Marty Grimes with the new release titled Cold Pizza. Make It Back is my favorite song right now off of that album. “Seeing things without you ain’t the same.” There are times in my life I wish I had you by my side. Your presence would make this song better, it would make the lighting look better, it would make these breaths I’m taking taste better, it would make me feel better, but sometimes that’s life. You learn to deal with all the moments that will never be.

Plot Twist by Marc E. Bassy featuring Kyle came out a few months ago, but Marc just released his new album Gossip Columns. Go listen to that sht. Anyways, this song is in here because things happen and all of a sudden there’s a completely unexpected plot twist that happens in your life. Like, right now I can’t tell if mine is good or bad yet and that uncertainty is scaring the living sht out of me at the moment.

“I go out just so I can reforget.” I think Lauv’s song is fairly universal for anyone going through a type of separation from someone in life. I see it all the time when people break up. Newly single people are either too heartbroken to do anything OR they go out and do everything. I completely understand what it’s like to feel and act both ways unfortunately.

Click here to read the lyrics for Reforget by Lauv

I stumbled..across Humble *pause so for intended rhyme to be acknowledged* the poet accidently a few weeks ago, but his song H.A.I.R. is extremely dope and the production feels really original to me. I like his lyrics too.

Brooooooo Take Me Away makes me feel like I’m a feather gently gliding down through the atmosphere and landing on a really brightly scenic area near a beach or maybe in a valley full of different flowers padding the space between two hills during sunset. I really like Syd’s sound too. It’s so feely and jazzy and wonderful. Lyrics and vibe on point bb.

Bad at Love. Retweet.

No Coincidence is nowhere to be found on Spotify and that kind of irked me because it makes the flow on that platform slightly different. This song makes me think about the differences between something or someone being a part of your life by coincidence or by putting effort towards something. You used to be a coincidence, and something that was just there by fate, but now you’re just effort. It’s not easy going anymore. That fact makes me really really think about whether all of that effort is taking away the possibility of something better and less forced being a part of my life. I don’t know. Then again we’re the masters sticking it out during our phases. That’s just something I thought about while writing this.

Click here to listen to No Coincidence by Khalil on YouTube

OLLA by Jhené is off of her album Trip. That project is a lot to digest because it’s a double album, but I do highly suggest you give it a listen and also watch the twenty minute film she made to go along with the album. It’s such a unique plotline and executed so well. I like that this song makes me feel like I’m in a disco surrounded by light brown bellbottoms, and pastel tie-dyed clothing, and lights flashing everywhere gently, and everyone seems really at peace, and in the moment together. I see smoke in the air, but I think we both know it’s probably not a fog machine. That’s what I see and feel in my head when I hear this song.

Right now I feel really tapped out from writing and thinking about all of this. Imma just end it now.

Love,

-E xx.

p.s. Don’t forget to participate in EP 10 by clicking here to leave me some music! :)

[gold-on-ice]

// ‘OMERTA’ PERSPECTIVES PLAYLISTS // “Minako had said he was a blessing - that his pockets were deep and Yuuri was lucky to have caught his eye. But Viktor Nikiforov was a curse, and Yuuri finds himself trapped in a world of blood and death where it takes violence to mend what is broken.”

SIDE A: VIKTOR NIKIFOROV // LE MANIAQUE

Mania is a state of abnormally elevated (feelings of) arousal, affect and energy level, where the overall activation is heightened as well as expressions (actions) of affect that are also enhanced. Freud considered that the maniac individual must have suffered a great and traumatic loss (something that could also be linked to the Oedipus Complex phase) and the ego unable to properly deal as it was supposed to turns all of its energy at a target that will act as a substitute for the object of affection that was lost in order to fulfill that gap. Obsessive and violent behaviour might be characteristics indentified in a maniac individual, though they may vary.

SIDE B: YUURI KATSUKI // CUPIO DISSOLVI

Cupio dissolvi is a latin locution that means (literally) «I wish to be dissolved». This concept has played an important role in the discussion on suicide. Some other reflexions and interpretations considered something like one’s desire to leave life in order to die, so that they could join God in the afterlife and end their sufferings, being able to become once again pure in the eyes of God. Freud believed that it wasn't only a simple matter of having a death wish, it also had something to do with the struggle one goes through in a lifetime while trying to fight against the intense impulse or desire for death (most likely linked to his concept of death drive).

SIDE A: VIKTOR NIKIFOROV // LE MANIAQUE 

bloodsport sneaker pimps I want to be a kid again, combed down hair and Sunday best. See me staying out bunking school, knowing wrong from right, just rules. I wish I'd never seen your face. Better door than window phase, I need an echo, not your praise. Straying from the point you nailed. My mother, my mother, my mother never told love is just a bloodsport. Sex and love is not a game, a game is something you can win.

mutter rammstein [English] I have sworn tonight I will send her a sickness, and afterwards make her sink in the river. Mother, an eel lives in her lungs. On my forehead, a birthmark, remove it with the kiss of a knife, even if it causes me to die. Mother! An eel lives in her lungs, On my forehead, a birthmark, remove it with the kiss of a knife, even if it causes me to bleed to death. Mother... Oh, give me strength.

control halsey They send me away to find them a fortune, a chest filled with diamonds and gold. The house was awake with shadows and monsters, the hallways they echoed and groaned. I sat alone in bed 'til the morning, I'm crying. They're coming for me. And I tried to hold these secrets inside me, my mind's like a deadly disease. I'm bigger than my body, I'm colder than this home. I'm meaner than my demons, I'm bigger than these bones. And all the kids cried out: "Please stop, you're scaring me!" I can't help this awful energy. Goddamn right, you should be scared of me! Who is in control?

dangerous big data & joywave And now they're coming, now they're coming out from the shadows to take me to the court because they know that I'll shut this down, 'cause they been watching all my windows. They've gathered up the warrant 'cause they... You understand they've got a plan for us. I bet you didn't know that I was dangerous. It must be fate, I found a place for us. I bet you didn't know someone could love you this much. How could they know, how could they know what I've been thinking? Like they're right inside my head because they know, because they know, what I've been hiding. They're right under my bed, they're on patrol.

infra-red placebo One last thing before I shuffle off the planet, I will be the one to make you crawl.  So I came down to wish you an unhappy birthday. Someone call the ambulance, there's gonna be an accident. I'm coming up on infra-red, there is no running that can hide you, 'cause I can see in the dark. I'm coming up on infra-red, forget your running, I will find you. One more thing before we start the final face-off, I will be the one to watch you fall, so I came down to crash and burn your bagger's banquet.

one way or another until the ribbon breaks One way or another, I'm gonna find you, I'm gonna get you. One way or another, I'm gonna win you, I'm gonna get you, get you. One way or another, I'm gonna see you, I'm gonna meet you. One day, maybe next week, I'm gonna meet you, I'm gonna meet you. And I will drive by your house, and if the lights are all down, then I'll see who's around. One way or another, I'm gonna find you, I'm gonna get you.

climbing up the walls radiohead I am the key to the lock in your house that keeps your toys in the basement. And if you get too far inside, you'll only see my reflection. It's always best when the candle's out, I am the pick in the ice. Do not cry out or hit the alarm, you know we're friends 'til we die. And either way you turn, I'll be there. Open up your skull, I'll be there, climbing up the walls. 

an unhealthy obsession the blake robinson They call it creeping, I say loving, it's the only way for me. Filling out papers, signing waivers but I stay outside his reach, I name your mother and your father and the first pet that you keep, I know your favourite place to dine at when your cheque comes in each week. I know you do your wash on Sundays and you separate your whites, and that your car needs a new tire 'cos last week I laid those spikes. I've got a million polaroids with all the dates penned in red ink, I sneak a walkie-talky in your room to listen to you sleep. You just don't know it yet, but you love me and I love you the same. One day we'll have a pretty wedding and I'll be your everything, we'll be together, yes forever, we will never ever part. Oh, you don't know it yet, but baby I've already got your heart. 

every breath you take chase holfelder Every breath you take, every move you make, every bond you break, every step you take, I'll be watching you. Every single day, every word you say, every game you play, every night you stay, I'll be watching you. Oh can't you see you belong to me? How my poor heart aches with every step you take. Every move you make, every vow you break, every smile you fake, every claim you stake, I'll be watching you.

i know i’m a wolf young heretics Dear rabbit, my legs are getting weak chasing you. The snow fields wouldn't seem so big if you knew that this blood on my teeth, it is far beyond dry and I've captured you once, but I wasn't quite right, so I'm telling you that you'll be safe with me. Rabbit, my claws are dull now so don't be afraid, I could keep you warm as long as you can just try to be brave. Yes, I know I'm a wolf, and I've been known to bite, but the rest of my pack, I have left them behind and my teeth may be sharp, and I've been raised to kill, but the thought of fresh meat, it is making me ill. So I'm telling you that you'll be safe with me. So rabbit, please stop looking the other way. It's cold out there, so why not stay here under my tail?

in your dreams dark dark dark Kiss your face, turn your cheek, lay your head down, lay your head down. Don't say nothing, no. I can see when you're lying, oh. When you're alone, you're so alone. We all have dreams we forget, when you're alone, you're so alone. Now you want to go where no one is lonely, and rose water drips from my mouth like honey, oh.  

sadist crystal castles Keep them on this course, graceful without remorse, paresthesia. It's fine, you're fine. You'll be fine, you'll be fine. Life without conscience, the disdain is just consequence. Await their ascent, a blessed event, paresthesia. It's fine, you're fine. You'll be fine. We're here to circumvent.

3 × 3 bloc party Three times three, first cut first pierce the skin, it binds us. Spit cum blood, liquid wax, no one loves you as much as us. By all in me that’s holy, by all in me that’s blessed, I made to you a promise that this is forever and ever, amen. Three times three, lose all fear, let the flames dry those tears. It takes hurt to be pure. Now you’re one of us. No means no. No/Yes. No... Yes?

written in blood she wants revenge Blood red lips traced with a tongue, they shine, cut through a crowded room. A look can say a lot sometimes, and so I take all my past attractions and project on you. Every disappointment and mistake, some resentment from a one-night heartbreak. My head is spinning, my hands go damp, but still I force an introduction and I ask you to dance. You feel like home up against me so close, though we've just met tonight. There's still so much that we still don't know, but I'm fairly certain that we just might work out right. Then again it can all go up in flames, and I'll take you down in the name of love. But for now let's kiss hard, fuck the games. All or nothing, it's written in blood. On the way to the wedding, dressed in black, he said: "Sorry lover but you can't look back." She says: "Oh no!"

mercy iamx Mercy. When I melt in the kiss by the words and the whispers you sing me. Mercy. I'm frail in the kill by submission and will that you bring me. Mercy. When I'm nothing but ego you slap me to let go and sleep free, now I sleep free. You're my toy box, you're my memories, when I smell your skin, you just make my whole world weep. I'm at your feet, I'm at your feet. Mercy. When the grey turns to black and the wave's on my back, you make me smile. Mercy... is the trauma no martyr you crush into pleasure and downtown. Mercy... It's the shining of you that just breaks me in two like a lifeline. You're my lifeline. (...) I celebrate your chemistry, if you bond with me, I could make your whole world sweet. I'm on my knees.

born villain marilyn manson You'll have to cut it down and burn me into splinters, or I'll unwrap the string that was me around your finger, and I'll hang you in your bedroom burial ground. There is a taste for blood and it's something deep inside. Become, become. I don't ever want God to hear our screams and mistake them for prayers. And you know I'm loaded, but not which chamber. Touch me and I'll go click, click, click, click, click. I'm born villain, don't pretend to be a victim.

in-a-gadda-da-vida iron butterfly In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida, honey, don't you know that I love you? In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida, baby, don't you know that I'll always be true? Oh, won't you come with me and take my hand? Oh, won't you come with me and walk this land? Please take my hand.

SIDE B: YUURI KATSUKI // CUPIO DISSOLVI 

tag, you’re it melanie martinez Looking at me through your window, boy, you had your eye out for a little. "I'll cut you up and make you dinner, you've reached the end, you are the winner." Rolling down your tinted window, driving next to me real slow, he said: "Let me take you for a joyride, I've got some candy for you inside." Running through the parking lot, he chased me and he wouldn't stop. Tag, you're it! Tag, tag, you're it! Grabbed my hand and pushed me down, took the words right out my mouth. Tag, you're it! Tag, tag, you're it! Can anybody hear me when I'm hidden underground? Can anybody hear me when I'm talking to myself, saying: "Tag, you're it, tag, tag, you're it"? Little bit of poison in me, I can taste your skin in my teeth. "I love it when I hear you breathing, I hope to God you're never leaving."  (...) Eenie-meenie-miny-mo, catch a lady by her toes, if she screams, don't let her go. Eenie-meenie-miny-mo, your mother said to pick the very best girl and I am. 

nightmare avenged sevenfold Now your nightmare comes to life. Dragged you down below, down to the devil's show to be his guest forever. Peace of mind is less than never. Hate to twist your mind, but God ain't on your side and old acquaintance severed. Burn the world your last endeavor. Flesh is burning, you can smell it in the air, 'cause men like you have such an easy soul to steal. So stand in line while they ink numbers in your head, you're now a slave until the end of time here. Nothing stops the madness, turning, haunting, yearning. Pull the trigger! You should have known the price of evil and it hurts to know that you belong here. Yeah. oh, it's your fuckin' nightmare! (...) You've been lied to, just to rape you of your sight and now they have the nerve to tell you how to feel. (...) No one to call, everybody to fear. Your tragic fate is looking so clear, yeah.(...) And I know you hear their voices calling from above, and I know they may seem real these signals of love, but our life's made up of choices, some without appeal.

deux the gazette [English] I find the answer in depths of despair, irreversible. I pray for it all to be a dream, this is an inferno. You’re my enemy, you show it when you destroy my reversible dreams. Scary night, pain obeys my split mind, I pray for a nightmare. I’m weakened, stretched too thin, my heart closes and surfaces in the darkness of unconsciousness. Whose fault is it that nights sleeping in isolation are scary? 

freak on a leash korn Something takes a part of me, something lost and never seen. Every time I start to believe, something's raped and taken from me. Life's got to always be messing with me. (You wanna see the light?) Can't they chill and let me be free?  (So do I!) Can't I take away all this pain? (You wanna see the light?) I try to every night all in vain. Sometimes I cannot take this place, sometimes it's my life I can't taste. Sometimes I cannot feel my face, you'll never see me fall from grace. Something takes a part of me, you and I were meant to be. A cheap fuck for me to lay, something takes a part of me. Feeling like a freak on a leash, feeling like I have no release. How many times have I felt diseased? 

an evening with el diablo chevelle High up on you, you display good traits, though few. We've found time alone will tell. Tthis disease keeps holding me down. Try to run when near sleep, to imagine us away. He said come, fly around my hell, and know this, you seem to be too scared to run. Too scared to run. Wish I had your faults, nothing seems to phase you. Lies! You're much more than just human.

bulletproof… i wish i was radiohead Limb by limb and tooth by tooth, tearing up inside of me, every day every hour, I wish that I was bulletproof. Wax me, mould me, heat the pins and stab them in. You have turned me into this, just wish that I was bulletproof. So pay the money and take a shot, leadfill the hole in me. I could burst a million bubbles, all surrogate and bulletproof.

vessel nine inch nails I let you put it in my mouth, I let it get under my skin, I let you put it in my veins, I let you take me from within. They tell us what we can and cannot do, same thing we've heard 100 times before. Well, I put you inside of me, but none of that matters anymore. Oh my God, can it go any faster? Oh my God, I don't think I can last here. 

broken lund Will you end my pain? Will you take my life? Will you bleed me out? Will you hang me out to dry? Will you take my soul in the midnight rain? While I'm falling apart, while I'm going insane. Can you break my bones? Will you tear my skin? Can you taste my lust? Can you feel my sin? See I'm a waste of life, I should just kill myself. Yeah, I could slit my wrists, but it really wouldn't help, it wouldn't fix my issues or change your mind. Cause I broke your heart and you buried mine, now I'm 6 feet deep and I can't breathe. I got dirt in my eyes and blood on my sleeves, but I dig my way up. 

tourniquet evanescence I tried to kill my pain, but only brought more, so much more. I lay dying and I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal. I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming. Am I too lost to be saved? Am I too lost? My God my tourniquet, return to me salvation. Do you remember me? Lost for so long, will you be on the other side or will you forget me? (...) I want to die. My wounds cry for the grave, my soul cries for deliverance. Will I be denied Christ, tourniquet, my suicide.

bother stone sour Wish I was too dead to cry, my self-affliction fades. Stones to throw at my creator, masochists to which I cater. You don't need to bother, I don't need to be. I'll keep slipping farther, but once I hold on, I won't let go 'til it bleeds. Wish I was too dead to care, if indeed I cared at all. Never had a voice to protest, so you fed me shit to digest. I wish I had a reason, my flaws are open season. For this, I gave up trying, one good turn deserves my dying. Wish I'd died instead of lived, a zombie hides my face, shell forgotten with its memories, diaries left with cryptic entries.

one step closer linkin park I cannot take this anymore, saying everything I've said before.  All these words they make no sense, I find bliss in ignorance. The less I hear the less you'll say, you'll find that out anyway, just like before. Everything you say to me takes me one step closer to the edge and I'm about to break. I need a little room to breathe, 'cause I'm one step closer to the edge. I'm about to break. I find the answers aren't so clear, I wish I could find a way to disappear, all these thoughts they make no sense. 

duality slipknot I have screamed until my veins collapsed, I've waited as my time's elapsed. Now, all I do is live with so much fate, I've wished for this, I've bitched at that. I've left behind this little fact: you cannot kill what you did not create. I've gotta say what I've gotta say and then I swear I'll go away, but I can't promise you'll enjoy the noise. I guess I'll save the best for last, my future seems like one big past. You're left with me 'cause you left me no choice. I push my fingers into my eyes, it's the only thing that slowly stops the ache. If the pain goes on, I'm not gonna make it. Put me back together or separate the skin from bone, leave me all the pieces, then you can leave me alone.

waiting for the world to end mother mother Back in the head where I see red where the beast and the beauty coalesce. I give in to a morbid fantasy, death to a billion families and me. Give me fire, burning hell, throw it on my paper trail and I’ll watch as all the numbers go up in a cloud of dark and dirty smoke. Ya, I’m just waiting for the end of the world, end of the whole wide world. 

hold me down halsey I sold my soul to a three-piece and he told me I was holy. He's got me down on both knees, but it's the devil that's tryna hold me down, hold me down. Sneaking out the back door, make no sound, knock me out, knock me out, saying that I want more, this is what I live for. Hold me down, hold me down. Throw me in the deep end, watch me drown, knock me out, knock me out. Selfish, taking what I want and call it mine, I'm helpless, clinging to a little bit of spine. They rush me, telling me I'm running out of time. They shush me (shhh!), walking me across a fragile line.

zombie the pretty reckless I'm not listening to you, I am wandering right through existence with no purpose and no drive 'cause in the end we're all alive. Two thousand years I've been awake, waiting for the day to shake. Dear all of you who've wronged me, I am, I am a zombie. Again, again you want me to fall on my head. I am, I am, I am a zombie. How low, how low, how low will you push me to go, to go, to go, before I lie down dead. Blow the smoke right off the tube, kiss my gentle burning bruise, I'm lost in time. And to all the people left behind, you are walking dumb and blind, blind.

paranoid android radiohead When I am king, you will be first against the wall, with your opinion which is of no consequence at all. What's that? I may be paranoid, but not an android. Ambition makes you look pretty ugly, kicking and squealing gucci little piggy. You don't remember, you don't remember. Why don't you remember my name? Off with his head, man! Off with his head, man! Why don't you remember my name? I guess he does! Rain down, rain down. Come on, rain down on me from a great height. That's it, sir, you're leaving. The crackle of pigskin, the dust and the screaming, the yuppies networking, the panic, the vomit. God loves his children... yeah.

raining blood hot sugar [Instrumental]

Omerta was written by @kashoku-sinpai and it’s a very intense kind of reading. It’s insanely fucked up, probably everyone’s guilty pleasure in this fandom and I loved it dearly, so these mixes sort of happened. 

[rapha-reads]

Music Tag !

Yep, another one, courtesy of @wolfsnape. Thanks ! :)

RULES: We’re snooping on your playlist. Set your entire music library on shuffle and report the first 10 songs that pop up. Then choose 10 victims.

Addendum: put on your favourite lyrics too.

(I’m not even gonna rephrase those rules, they’re brilliant. Who wrote them ? Love it.)

Alright, let’s hope I don’t have to cheat and skip ... (Edit : I cheated and skipped. Don’t blame me, I’ve saved you from some truly awful things)

1. Halsey, Hopeless. (Yaaas, that’s my girl) Still here, there must be something real 'Cause you know the good die young But so did this And so it must be better than I think it is Gimme those eyes, it's easy to forgive

2. Kerli, Walking On Air. (I like creepy things and I can’t lie) That little creepy girl oh..she loves to sing She has a little gift An amazing thing With her little funny eyes of hazel With her little funny old blue hat She will go and set the world on fire No one ever thought she could do that 

3. François Valéry, Aimons-nous vivants. (So sorry for that. Tour de France song ? Yep) (Si tu dis que tu te mets pas à chanter le refrain dés que tu l’entends, t’es un menteur. Ou t’as pas de style) Aimons-nous vivants N'attendons pas que la mort nous trouve du talent Aimons-nous vivants S'il faut danser, je veux danser maintenant Aimons-nous vivantsAimons-nous debout Faisons la paix, faisons l'amour entre nous Aimons-nous surtout Pour ne plus jamais, jamais vivre à genoux Aimons-nous vivants 

4. Sleeping At Last, Anger. (SaL’s songs brings you to another state of consciousness) I feel the Earth shaking under my feet I feel the pressure building until I can't breathe And it takes everything And it all spills out Reckless but honest words leave my mouth Like kerosene on a flame of doubt I couldn't make it right

5. The Clash, Should I stay or should I go. (Me looking for my Will to live) Should I stay or should I go now? Should I stay or should I go now? If I go there will be trouble And if I stay it will be double So come on and let me know

6. Sia, To Be Human. (Queen. Goddess. Sia. ‘nough said) Just 'cause I predicted this Doesn't make it any easier to live with And what's the point of knowin' it If you can't change it?

7. Linkin Park, In The End. (I’m a depressing kind of gal. Sorry, I meant depressed. Wait, both) It doesn't even matter how hard you try Keep that in mind I designed this rhyme To explain in due time All I know Time is a valuable thing Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings Watch it count down to the end of the day The clock ticks life away

8. Of Monsters and Men, Dirty Paws. (Protect the planet, how many will we have to say that) So for a while things were cold, They were scared down in their holes. The forest that once was green Was colored black by those killing machines. But she and her furry friends Took down the queen bee and her men. And that's how the story goes, The story of the beast with those four dirty paws.

9. Janelle Monaé, Tightrope. (Hipster voice: I knew her before she came out. Shut up, Rapha) See I'm not walkin' on it Or trying to run around it This ain't no acrobatics You either follow or you lead, yeah I'm talkin' about you, I'll keep on blaming the machine, yeah I'm talkin' about it, Talkin' about it I can't complain about it I gotta keep my balance

10. Charles Aznavour, Désormais. (Robe noire, grand chapeau, café à Montmartre) Jamais plus Nous ne mordrons au même fruit Ne dormirons au même lit Ne referons les mêmes gestes Jamais plus Ne connaîtrons la même peur De voir s'enfuir notre bonheur Et du reste Désormais

I was doing this at the same time as spam liveblogging Eurovision, I have three Tumblr tabs open, two youtube, one Google, I have no idea how my laptop did not crash down.

Anyway, here it is !

Tagging everyone who wants to give it a go. Come on, gimme music to listen to !