#sorry keppy you had no idea what you were about to unleash

[bread--quest]

who am i supposed to vote for in the blaseball polls. i want to support you but i am unsure who you are talking about and also i don't know shit from dick about blaseball

HAHAHHAHA YES. THANKS KEPLER BESTIE IM TAKING THIS AS AN EXCUSE TO EXPLAIN

why you should absolutely vote for patty fox/hatfield suzuki/anathema elemefayo in the blaseball ship brackets ( @blaseballshipbracket )

ok so. the thing you (kepler) need to know about blaseball is its fantasy sports with emphasis on the fantasy. Weird Shit Happens And People Die. the fans make up the characters of the players based on the info we're given on the site, which is basically a name and some weird stats. all three of these blorbos are on the new york millennials. you don't actually need to read the rest of this kepler it gets long. all blaseball fans following me do need to read it though. okay onwards

first of all let's talk about patty fox. she is a season one new york millennial!! she has been on the team since the game started and never ever left or died, which is impressive. (only 2 other players have been on the mills since season 1 and never left or died). lore-wise, she is somewhere between "anthropomorphic fox" and "just a guy who's last name is fox", it varies on interp. what is universally true about her is that she runs a restaurant called the sly fox!! it's a pop-up restaurant devoted to new york cuisine past present and future. if i talk any more about this i will start getting weepy about just how new york these millennials are so i'll cut myself off here. anyway yeah she runs a restaurant while also being a really good pitcher and also slowly watching all her friends leave or die as she remains. it's very impressive and a little sad. i love her so much

onwards!! hatfield suzuki came out of the millennials shadows to play for them in season 12! she is a tattoo artist from new jersey who has 4 arms, a lot of hats, and mild prophetic abilities via the tattoos. the tattoos are prophetic sometimes. you have to pay for them normally but if it turns into a prophecy it's on the house. she's generally very cool, good vibes, great at skateboarding. i think the retroactive lore was that patty and hatfield had been dating for a while and were both very excited to get to actually play together? but it might also have been that they just hit it off immediately once hatfield started playing. either way they're very cute and they can be each other's rock in the chaos of blaseball

and then!!! anathema elemefayo!! who is the replacement for winnie mccall after she died via incineration as happens in blaseball. winnie was a season 1 millennial so it was really really sad that they got incinerated but ana quickly won over everybody's hearts. he's a gorgon twitch streamer who wears kamina glasses. she's very confident on stream but offline struggles with anxiety, specifically a lot of worries about making her parents proud and honoring winnie's legacy and generally doing good.

so!!! that's the three of them. so i believe the relationship headcanon that emerged was that patty and hatfield were in an open relationship and patty started also dating ana. ana is not dating hatfield but they are friends. uhhhh. i don't have a ton else here i just think they're very nice. it's a healthy relationship!! all three of them are Slightly Less Put Together Then It Appears but generally okay enough and they support each other and maybe distract each other from playing well by sending cute texts midgame sometimes but such is the millennials way. vote for them. mills win