#sorry this is badly written i hope u understand what i mean im drunk

[dread-and-despair-dyke]

[are there any studies or like . good blog posts that go into why that wld be ? i dont have an opinion either way, as someone who hasnt studied that kind of thing, but i dont know how sexual orientation's basis entirely in biology wld present itself, like is it relating to certain genes or something lol . is there a part of everyones genetic code that says whether theyre going to be hetero or gay or bisexual]

it presumably is related to genes, but it's complicated. people talk about "the gay gene" like there'd be this one thing, but there are at least 40 genes involved in eye color alone. but neuroscientists do have many different studies showing consistent brain structures implicated in same sex attraction. identical twin studies also suggest sexual orientation is a matter of biology.

what we do know is, despite many different types of sexual attitudes and practices, the percentage of a population expressing same sex attraction remains consistent over time and place. we can observe same sex pair bonding across many intelligent animal species. we know sexual orientation cannot be changed due to social mores or individual preference (most adult conversion therapy is individually consented to). this all suggests sexual orientation is an inborn trait, rather than a learned behavior based on constructs.

do you really believe sexuality isn't biological? that's crazy to me whenever lesbians talk about how "born this way" isn't factual for them. it just seems like something so basic. we grow up without role models, without support, without representation, and we can still point to moments in our childhood, of being grossed out by a boy in kindergarten who wanted to give us a special valentine, of being fascinated by a female teacher, where we couldn't put a word to our feelings but we know it was a sign. it's clearly innate and unchangeable. how would being socialized into homosexuality even work?

yea like u said, its not as simple as having 'the gay gene' - i just didnt know how to word it , i meant like how exactly is sexual orientation observable in a persons biology, and who has observed it, etc

i didnt know about the consistent brain structure thing, but i have to wonder a couple things about that :

is this old information given by biased ppl whos work wasnt as regulated as it perhaps should be?

what part of the 'brain structure' is seen to be consistent between most homosexuals?

is this brain structure really related to homosexuality, or is it to do with a different trait which then lends itself to the person more easily knowing theyre gay (e.g. a 'brain structure' that makes ppl more likely to be able to identify their orientation even if their environment tries to supress those feelings, or a brain structure that makes them more easily accept their orientation once theyve clearly identified their feelings as opposed to trying to deny or change their orientation - both of which are skills that also apply to things other than orientation)

i do believe theres def some degree of biological basis for orientation, perhaps its even 100% biology, but idk if i wld be so certain on that without more studies into it (which probably arent going to happen i guess, but who knows). essentially i dont have a set opinion lol, i was asking not bc i oppose what u think but bc i wanted to know more abt it

i have thoughts abt the moments in childhood thing but theyre mostly incoherent and unrelated to this so im going to put them in a separate posttt

[pheuthe]

Coldflash 3&14 pretty please?

(sorry for the awfully long wait :’D I hope this ficlet reaches you anyway, nonnie, and I’m doubly sorry for kinda twisting that prompt around, but I had an unexpectedly hard time with 3. especially :’D)

..

“PoorLenny,” Lisa drawls, even as she smacks him over the head with her newest Chanelbag. Len’s pretty sure it’s no coincidence, but he’s in no place to contest hercasual violence right now.

“I don’twant your pity, I want your absence,” he snaps and takes another swig of hisbeer before she yanks the bottle out of his grip, snorts when she reads the label,and returns it to his sorry self.

“Didn’t youget the memo that drowning your sorrows only works if you get actual alcoholinvolved?”

He ignoresher, just like he’s trying to ignore most of his life right now. It’s probablynot the most mature way of coping with shit, but at the moment, Len doesn’tcare. All he wants is to wallow and scowl at the wall for the night, and thenmaybe go plan a heist. Something obnoxious and loud, something that would be agiant ‘fuck you’ in the face of a hero. Thehero.

Which is stupid,because Len is the one in the wrong, but he panicked and ran and now there’s noway back. Technically, Barry could probably take him back in time to the pointwhen Len hasn’t fucked up yet, but Barry would be right there with him, and hencelay the problem.

Lisa,unfortunately, doesn’t take the hint and keeps staring him down until Lenscowls at her, without much heat, because he’s reserving all he’s got for theburning self-hatred at the moment.

“What?”

“You tellme,” she shrugs and puts her legs up onto the table, crossing her ankles andwatching him like a hawk. “I haven’t seen you moping this badly for quite sometime. I think it was… oh yes, the first time Barry told you it was a mistake.”

He winces,unable to hold back the hurt at the sound of the kid’s name, and Lisa growsserious, zoning in on his pain with scary precision. Feet off the table in asecond, she leans forward, studying him like the answer’s written in his eyes.Maybe it is, the way he hasn’t been able to stop thinking about the wholeordeal.

“Did he breakup with you? Is that it? I’m going to-“

“-donothing,” Len interrupts, before she can get explicit in her fantasies ofbodily harm inflicted upon the man he shouldn’t, but does, love.

And thereinlies the problem. Much as he likes Barry, they could never work long-term. Notwith Barry’s family, not with Len’s, not with the diverging paths their liveshave taken. Too bad Barry didn’t understand that fact, or dismissed it with hisendless optimism.

Lisa’sstill watching him, and Len’s beer is gone, sloshing warm and unpleasant in hismouth like it can’t quite wash away the taste of the harsh words he spoke. Hewishes he could forget, get drunk for real and stop thinking about the wholemess for a few hours, but his father has taken that from him forty years agoand Len’s not ready to become an even more screwed-up version of Lewis, noteven when he can’t think of any other way to cope.

“Lenny,”Lisa says, and he must look like shit for her to take that tone with him, softand empathetic and careful, “what happened?”

There’s nouse in putting it off or lying: Lisa has become friends with Iris during thewhirlwind of Len’s relationship with Barry, and bad news sure travel fast.

“Heproposed.”

“He what?!”

Len winces atthe memory of Barry’s bright eyes, his hopeful smile, the way his voice shook alittle as he fumbled with the words. He picks at the label on his empty bottle,because destruction is apparently his motto for the day, and sighs.

“You heardme.”

“Sure Iheard you, I just don’t get why you’re not somewhere celebra- you said no.”

Lisa sounds…shocked, and Len frowns. She was always quick to tell him that he should becareful, and that Barry was too young, too eager, too different from anythingthey’ve ever known, so it feels like betrayal that she’s not there for him rightnow, saying he did the right thing.

“You’re anidiot, Lenny. Why did you say no?! You’re obviously crazy about this guy, andmuch as it pains me to say, you’ve been good together, good for each other. Sure he’s a cop’s kid,and half a cop himself, and overall too much of a good guy if you ask me, but…the way you looked at him, Lenny, I haven’t seen you look that way at anyone,ever, and he’s been looking right back, so what’s the problem?”

Len pushesthe bottle away, almost wishing it would crash over the side of the table and shatter,but of course it doesn’t, because he can’t do anything right today.

“You’resupposed to talk me out of this. In fact, you’ve been talking me out of thisfor more than a year.”

“And youalways do the exact opposite of what I say, so don’t you dare blame it on me,chicken-shit.”

He whirlsaround to face her, anger rising in his chest like a tidal wave. “What did youjust-“

“You heardme,” Lisa scoffs, not budging an inch under the weight of his glare. “You knowwhat I think? You’re so scared of losing him, or hurting him, so you pushed himaway now rather than later. Great job. Because that’s going to make you bothfeel so much better.”

Len’sknuckles ache with the urge to punch something, a wall, or some asshole’s face –too bad he chose their private warehouse for his moping, instead of a bar wherehe could pick a fight or two. It makes sense, what Lisa’s saying, but the thingis, those words would sound better in some fucking romantic movie where theproblems magically disappear because of love.

“Wouldn’twork,” he shrugs, rolling his shoulders to release some of the tension that’s beengripping his muscles for hours now. “He’s too much of a good guy, you said it.Sees something in me that’s not there, I can’t live up to that. Eventually he’sgonna be disappointed, Lise, and it’ll be too damn hard for him to walk away ifthere’s a ring on his finger. That’s the kind of guy he is. I want to be withhim, but tonight… it changes things.”

“Have youtold him that?”

Lisa’squestion catches him off-balance and he blinks for a moment before the wordsactually make it to his brain in all their confusing glory.

“What?”

“Have youtold him how you feel, Lenny? I mean, really told him. That you’re worried you’renot good enough for him – that you want to be with him, without the rings andall that jazz. Doesn’t matter if that’s true a year or a decade from now, andit doesn’t matter if it changes for him, either. If all you can really promiseis right now, he should know. And you can’t decide for him if that’s enough ornot. Much as I like to tease you about cradle-robbing, he’s a grown man. Talkto him, Lenny. And listen.”

Len’sknee-jerk reaction is to shake his head and tell her she’s crazy… but her wordsmake a terrifying sort of sense in his mind all of a sudden, and he’s pushingaway from the table before he can think himself out of it again. He can’tpossibly screw things up any worse than they already are, and the thin sliverof hope that maybe, he could make things better,gives him the momentum to turn and walk away without a word, for the secondtime tonight.

Hopefullytowards a brighter future.

….

Lisa rollsher eyes at her brother’s retreating back: at forty-four, Lenny should reallylearn to talk about his feelings without grimacing like his teeth are beingpulled. But who better to teach him than a bright-eyed twenty-something withthe innate charm of an overgrown puppy?

Yeah, Lisacan’t say she’s a fan… but she would gladly give her brother to a sasquatch ifhe made Lenny’s eyes light up like Barry does.

Her phonebuzzes in her pocket and she pulls it out to find a very angry text messagefrom ‘TheHottestWest’.

WHAT HAS UR BROTHER DONE IM AT BARRYS HES DEVASTATED

Lisa smirksand fires off a quick reply, then reaches under the table for an unopenedbottle.

u should clear out lens on his way makeup sexto follow 4sure

An angryemoji, followed by a disgusted one, arrives in the next second.

But sinceLenny fails to come back home that night, Lisa believes that Iris took heradvice, in the end.