#started bawling the second they said their final goodbye and had to be escorted out when one of them died

[stiltonbasket]

nmj and jc absolutely have bro solidarity because they will both cry in the movie theater if the dog dies. someone (lxc and jyl) have to check the special website "does the dog die" before they go to the movies now.

Nie Mingjue and Jiang Cheng both cry in the theatre if a dog dies, but Nie Mingjue nopes out the second a spouse dies, and Jiang Cheng does the same when a sibling dies. The one time they go to a movie without telling LXC and JYL, they end up watching a film in which a dog, a husband, and a brother die; NMJ and JC spend the next week clinging to Lan Xichen & Jiang Yanli and Wei Wuxian, respectively.

[saharamae21]

Never Ran Smooth (Part 6)

Hey guys! SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING! I’m in the middle of moving at the moment and it’s been hard to find time! Also sorry to anyone who got a message from me, my account was hacked...

Anyways here is part six! | Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Seven |

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Take pains. Be perfect.

I walked with Kie to grab some sodas from the concessions stand. I could feel the childish grin plastered on my face as I skipped a little.

"Someone seems awfully chipper," an unnerving voice rang out. Rafe, Topper, and Kelsi stood proudly in front of us.

"Move," I said confidently, trying to get past them.

"That's no way to treat your escort," Rafe mocked, grabbing my arm in the process. I twisted uncomfortably, trying to free myself from his grasp. Then he looked at Kie. "Tell your boy that we know what he did."

"Sorry, what boy are you talking about?" she replied, clearly not interested in what he had to say.

"Uh, he'll know," Rafe said, finally releasing my arm.

"Bye," Kie said, giving him a glare. "Douche."

I laughed at her comment and rubbed my arm a bit. I've known Rafe my whole life thanks to my brother, but he's going off the rails as of recently. I barely recognized him anymore.

"Just saw Rafe, and he said, and I quote," Kie started, immediately catching Pope's attention. "Tell your boy that we know what he did."

I watched as JJ and Pope bickered back and forth a little bit before stealing glances at Rafe and his friends.

"If that doesn't work, I got this," JJ muttered a little too loud and patted his bag. I hit him quickly.

"You did not bring a gun here!" I whispered. "JJ, so help me God, what did you guys do?"

"It's fine. Don't worry about it," he said. Sometimes it's easier to just drop the subject, rather than to keep reaching for answers you weren't going to get.

About halfway through the movie I hear Pope and JJ bickering back and forth. I walked as both of them got up, saying they had to pee. I looked nervously at Kie, but she reassured me that they were going to be fine. Kie knew them both better than I did, so I just sat there quietly. After a few minutes, I noticed Kie looking around.

"Where are they? Do you see them?" she asked me. My breath hitched as I noticed Topper and his posse was gone. "Shit..."

We both got up and ran behind the screen. Kie was clutching JJ's bag. My heart felt as if it stopped when I saw what Rafe, Kelse, and Topper were going to Pope and JJ. I watched as Kie went running toward Topper, trying to get him off of Pope.

"Rafe stop it!" I yelled and ran, grabbing his arm before he could swing again. He flailed his arms wildly in an attempt to get me off of him. "Get off him!"

Then I felt his elbow collide with my cheekbone and I went down. I fell directly to my butt and began to cry. I've had the same reaction to getting hurt. My brother was often rough with me growing up and my only reaction was to bawl, no matter how childish it seemed. Seconds after I got hit the screen erupted in flames.

"Shit, Rafe. You hit her," Kelse said.

"C'mon, let's get out of here," Topper said and the three bolted.

I watched as Kie, JJ, and Pope kneeled down in front of me. I sniffled and held the side of my face. I kept trying to hold my tears back, but nothing would work.

"Let me see," JJ said, carefully moving my hand away from my face. "Shit, Sav. That's gonna turn black."

"I'm fine," I said with a sniffle. Kie helped me up and brushed me off a little bit. "We should leave before the cops come." "I'll walk you home," JJ said, giving me a small smile. I said my goodbyes to Kie and Pope before walking awkwardly with JJ. He walked quickly, avoiding eye contact with me the whole time. Why did he offer to walk me home if he wasn't going to say anything. "Hey..." "Yeah?" I asked. This is it Savannah. He's going to tell you how he feels!

"Kie told me you guys heard me when I said I wasn't into you," he said awkwardly. I watched him push his hair back and stop for a second. He blocked my path, determination filling his face. "I just don't want you getting the wrong idea. You and I aren't going to happen."

I stared up at him because that's all I could do at that moment. I felt my heart shattering into a million pieces. He averted his gaze from me and stood in front of me awkwardly.

"Listen, I'm sorry if I came across in a different way, but you and I will never work out. I just don't want to lead you on," he said while staring straight into my eyes. "I'm just a flirt by nature. And at one point I thought maybe I was into you, but that idea is long gone. Plus I think I kinda like someone else."

I just nodded and swallowed hard. "Yeah, okay. Friends?"

"Friends," he said.

We walked the rest of the way in silence.

***

A day has gone by since JJ walked me home. At first I thought I was going to die because that's what your first heartbreak does to you. However, when it came down to it, I felt a sense of relief. Maybe JJ wasn't meant to be my first love. He meant so much to me as a friend, that losing him completely was worse in the long run. I came to the conclusion that I wasn't going to be awkward or immature and let this one thing affect how I acted with him in person. I gathered up all my courage and headed out towards Heyward's.

"Hey Savannah," Pope's father greeted me as I walked up. I smiled and said hello back before making my way inside. I took a seat at the counter and watched the shop flood with workers. Pope noticed me and smiled.

"Hey Sav. Gnarly black eye," he said, tossing me a peach. "Fresh from Savannah."

"Thanks," I said. In the background of the commotion I could hear Heyward talking about Pope and how proud he is to be a finalist for a scholarship. "So what's it like being a genius?"

He stared at me for a second, debating how to answer the question. "Well, it has its perks. It makes my parents proud of me. It also gives me an opportunity to make something more of myself by going to college. I can't help, but to think it took something from me though. Like maybe I'd be better with girls if I could shut my brain off."

His glance went to Kiara. I smiled as if I had just learned a secret no one else knew. "How long have you liked her?"

"As long as I can remember," he said, defeatedly. I patted his shoulder and looked at Kiara too.

"She's great, isn't she?" I asked. I watched as JJ joked around with her. "She's cool and confident. Everything she does is right. She doesn't care what others think of her."

Just as I finished my thoughts I heard Heyward come in. "Hey, Pope, someone here to see you."

At that moment, the world had stopped. Deputy Shoupe walked in with a paper in his hand. Pope was shaking. "Evening officer."

"I have an arrest warrant for felony destruction of property," I watched as Kie and JJ ran over. Everything seemed to go in slow motion from that point on. We all followed him out and tried to understand the situation. Then, as Pope was about to get into the car, JJ burst out with emotion.

"It wasn't him," he yelled. "It was me. He tried to talk me out of it, but I was mad because he'd just been beaten up. I was so sick of those assholes from Figure Eight that I lost my shit. I can't let you take the blame for somethin' I did. You've got too much to lose."

I could tell by the look in Pope's eyes that he did it. I could see the regret and the guilt building up inside of him. I looked over at JJ and saw a sad glint in his eyes. He was smirking, feeling proud that he was protecting a friend. I was frozen in shock at everything going on. And just like that, he was gone.

I watched as Pope threw his hat and ran inside. Kie followed closely after, but I just stayed out there. It's hard when you feel two ways about something. I know JJ would be mad at me if I went after him. He would feel burdened if I used my family name as a way to get him out of this. He would push me away further because of the gap in status. That didn't stop the feeling of affection for him. I wanted to be someone he could trust, someone he could rely on. I wanted to be someone he could love. I finally walked inside and sat down besides Pope.

"How are ya holding up?" I asked him, placing a hand on his shoulder. He just shook his head, unable to look at me. "Don't blame yourself, Pope."

"Why did I let him take the fall for me?" he asked. The guilt that laced his voice broke my heart. I know he meant it in a rhetorical way, but I had to answer.

"Because he loves you," I said with a soft chuckle. My heart ached a little. I've never had someone care for me like that. "He loves you so much that he would give up everything he has so that you can have the world and more."

Pope smiled for a second and lifted his head. The tears in his eyes seemed less and less as the seconds passed. I looked down at my hands and twiddled my thumbs around as Pope said thanks to me. Hearing words of praise always made me uncomfortable.

"Hey Sav?" I heard Pope's voice ring out. "Why do you hang out with us?"

"Well," I thought for a second. "I've never had anyone care about me. My whole life has been a competition with my brother. Even now it feels like my brother and I are pawns on my parents chess board. They only care about the piece that will make them the most money later on in life. When I saw you guys hanging out, I always thought to myself: Wow, I want that. I want someone to care for me unconditionally."

I felt my shoulders sink a little and this time Pope put a hand on my shoulder.

"Should we go see how JJ is doing?" he asked. I nodded and off we went.

The jail wasn't a spot I was too familiar with. The light blue and white cars lined the street in front of the building. I felt an uneasy feeling as we made our way inside. I couldn't help wondering what the damage was and how this would all unfold. Kie strutted confidently up to the front desk and told the secretary that we were looking for JJ Maybank.

"He left a few minutes ago," she answered politely. "His dad picked him up.

I watched as Kie and Pope exchanged a look of horror before silently bickering about what to do. My eyes remained on the secretary though.

"Do you know what will happen to him?" I asked. The lady nodded.

"He has a court date set in a few weeks and he will have to pay back the damage that was done to the boat," she said. My heart dropped. Topper's boat was worth at least $30,000. He would never be able to pay that off. In the bottom of my heart, I knew he wouldn't want me to meddle. I knew he would never ask me to get involved. I wanted to though. Even though he didn't love me, even though we were barely friends, I needed to do something.

I paced around my bedroom, trying to find the right words. My blush pink gown swayed with every step. Then I heard the knock.

"Hey sweetheart, what did you need?" my dad asked with a worried look.

"I never ask you for anything," I started. My voice shook with every word. "I never do, so please this one time do what I ask. JJ, he g-"

"Savannah," my dad said sternly. "First, wasting your time with the pogues, getting a black eye, and now this? I already know what he did. I already know what kind of boy he is. I never said anything before because I didn't want to upset you, but this is too much!"

"He's not like that Dad!" I bursted out with emotion. "Just listen to me. This will ruin his life, I need to help him!"

"You have a black eye because of him," I could sense the tension.

"I have a black eye because of Rafe!" I yelled. "Rafe is the one who hit me. Rafe is this horrible, manipulative, prick that deserves everything he's going to get! Dad, JJ didn't sink that boat. He's covering for someone. Just help him, please. He doesn't have that money and it's going to ruin his life."

I felt a stinging on my cheek. I couldn't even process what had happened. My mother who had heard the commotion and rushed into my room to see what was happening gasped loudly. She rushed to me and put her hand on my cheek.

"Nicholas!" she screamed. I placed my hand to my cheek, the cheek my dad had just hit.

"Do you think 30,000 dollars is nothing, Savannah?" he had resentment in his voice. He turned and walked out of my room. As soon as he was gone, I sank to my knees. I sat there and for the first time in my life, there were no tears. I had gotten hurt, but no tears came out.

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Tag List: @jjmaybangme

[book-of-ryker]

When the Navy found out I smoked marijuana, I was at a firing range. I had an M-4 and an M-9, one being an automatic rifle, the other a pistol.

They disarmed me immediately, and I remember knowing why they did.

In the twenty seconds it took me to walk over to the disarming barrel, my thoughts were, “Pull the pistol out, put the barrel in your mouth and pull the trigger” for as many times I could mentally repeat before I lost the opportunity. I called my dad while a Chief was on his way to pick me up.

After the phone call, I deleted all of my Facebook messages at the recommendation of my father.

All of my text messages. too. My dad swore the Chief wasn’t my friend, and would screw me over at his first chance and not to tell him anything, at all.

The deleted threads of conversations with people who either didn’t exist anymore, or we had stopped talking.

I must have chain smoked about fifteen cigarettes in the hour and a half it took for this Chief to arrive.

All the while, I had been wishing that I had the courage to just pull that fucking trigger.

That anxiety was unbearable.

I went to a DRB, which is where I stand in front of a bunch of senior enlisted military.

At first, I came in with my shoulders back , military discipline and all. At the end, I was escorted out by a compassionate Master Chief, and I was bawling.

I have wanted to kill myself for as far back as I can remember. I smoked weed because all of my pain in life is unbearable and my mind never shuts the fuck up.

I don’t understand reality the way everyone seems to and it’s isolating, like being in the dimension next door.

"Most everyone who doesn’t know me resents me. Most everyone who knows me tolerates me," I tell myself.

I sat outside and cried, blubbering to these senior enlisted folks.

As a Second Class Petty Officer with all of the skills that I had possessed. I was in the United States Navy for five long years, and nine excruciating months and two awkward days.

I had been to mental health multiple times in my  Naval career. The first psychiatrist that I ever spoke to was at NATTC Pensacola.

It’s not even six months of me getting out of the Navy now...

My present life finds me in this bed at some house in South Carolina, Like a muscle, those words stream across my mind like a teleprompter, “You should have died on that day. You should have fucking killed yourself.”

And for myself, I finally gave myself the courage to tell myself, “No.” "I love you for just who you are. I love the way you think, I love the way you handle thing[s] (most of the time ^.^), I love what you do. You have a very solid and strong mind, you think things through very thoroughly, and you have a very good outward perspective. I don't know if that helps, but that's the best I can come up with while working." Let me tell you what I think happened before I tell you why I think we should reconnect. I'm 26 years old and the one and only thing in my life that I regret, to this day, is what I once said simply to hurt you. I was an awful boyfriend for you. Not all of the time, obviously. But my only regret comes from when I said out of annoyance and irresponsibility, 'I guess you're going to have to celebrate Thanksgiving without your boyfriend or your mom.." You eyes glazed over me. You slumped over. And you sobbed. I walked towards you and hugged you because that sort of rage-to-regret is exactly the kind of Bipolar Disorder that I am used to. It's been my entire life, Nicole. It's all I have ever known. Albeit, the worst of it all is over and I'm just waiting for all of my hopes and dreams to bloom into the flowers I have been cultivating. The night we went to Twin Peaks was the night you said goodbye, even though you never did. You and I both are aware that we would come across each other someday, I think. I don't have any proof for that delusion/hope, but hey, I don't know everything which means I have unfettered access to being totally wrong and totally right, until one of us is deceased. I do remember being in absolute bliss that night we met up and you were drunk with me in the Whataburger drive through and that's about all I have for that. Mike and I moved out of the house because we wouldn't be able to renew the lease before I had to get my new job in the Navy. I moved into an apartment on the second floor and I got a dog named Itachi. I did loads of LSD that I'd gotten and I had a REALLY FUCKING AWFUL TRIP with Hailey Campbell (also tripping) and Rian Nobles (not tripping). I went to my grandmother's funeral in New York with my Dad and Alex. I found out that my photographic memory is real because I reminded my Uncle about the fit my brother went into at the LAST funeral we gathered. Which was Renee's. I lived with Lauren Teston for a long time after that. I started smoking weed because, Nicole, I didn't know what to do.. Everyone has always left me, and I only NOW understand why: me. But I didnt see it like that. It didn't feel like that.. It didn't feel like I had an emotional problem. I didn't know. But in retrospect, Nicole, my emotions felt like a chainsaw to my insides. Our breakup was the healthiest breakup for me, and it was also the worst. (2020 readers, it got way worse) I didn't leave for California until right before October 10, 2016. I was trained to be an Engine Mechanic by the Seabees and I learned a fuck ton about cars. I did more PT than anywhere else in my military career. Every Friday was a 4:30 A.M., seven mile run with the whole school. Really, it was a fourteen mile run, but it makes me sound less of a douche if I say seven, maybe. I came home on leave for Christmas and I smoked even more weed. I came back to California to finish my school. Byy the way, there were two onomatopoeia's in a barracks room together: Petty Officer Quackenbush and Petty officer Miao (this or 'mao' is also the Chinese word for cat") I left Port Hueneme after meeting Johnny Depp in L.A. I drove, for the third time, across the country. I was at Gulfport, Mississippi for a few months, learning combat procedures with the Seabees. I pissed hot in Gulfport. I wrote a poem that I'll attach later about what that was like. I went to some military proceedings, reduced in rank,  lost a lot of money, had to go to two different hospitals for one month. I first went to Garden Park Hospital for a suicide watch that I had been placed under after the military proceedings had broken me down to where I couldn't take it anymore. I bawled my eyes out to men I'd never met because I could no longer believe that people didn't care about me. I was suicidal given the circumstances, but I was suicidal before I ever got caught smoking. The only reason I smoked was because I didn't want to be suicidal. A 51 year old woman tells me at this place that she, "Would be surprised if I never heard of you again. I stayed at Emerald Coast Behavioral Health (This is when I called you in 2017) and I learned an entirely different way of living. I was told that I have Bipolar Disorder I, Major Depressive Disorder, Anxiety, Osteochrondroma in the left knee. I was told a handful of tools to help myself become a better person. I then went to restriction, which is where a person is constantly monitoring me while I do nothing but work and survive. I did that for forty five days which dragged forever. I left. I stayed with my dad and I had a good first month out of the Navy. I was happy. I was excited and nervous and terrified. I smoked SO much more weed. I drank SO much more booze. And cigarettes. I was helping my dad build a deck in the backyard. My car was repossessed about one and one half months after getting out. I had nothing. I started working under the table as a contractor for a few months, but my mom and I got into a fight and I was kicked out of the house for the second and last time of my life. I moved in and slept on a friends floor. He had a bum knee from a recent surgery and so I quasi-morphed into his at-home nurse. Started doing dabs and malt liquor with friends. Eating popcorn for food, drawing outside for five hours, drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes. I did this for a month until my depression (booze) had become evil. I tried hanging myself on a dog line and I had to leave their house.. I stayed with my dude Sam for a few days and then moved in with my brother for a day. I feel nothing for him anymore, and so I really dont want to elaborate about this because he will always be a peace of shit. I went to a music festival that got shutdown by a hurricane. I got to do LSD/blow/weed for free because I was working security and I have worked with the team before. Hell, the guy in charge personally handed me $275 because of how badass of a watchstander I am. I then migrated to Asheville, North Carolina where my eyes were opened to the world we live in. And how great a thing love is, Nicole Renee Gable. But after this, I really had nowhere to go. That is until I remembered that I knew a guy from when I was in Japan.. We only ever really interacted in the smokepits. After he found out I had been sleeping on the floor of my friends house, he told me that if I was ever in South Carolina that he had a guest bedroom waiting for me. I lived with him and his wife and their son while I got a job as a forklift driver at BMW. I got another car (since been repossessed, not as debilitating for me now). I moved out and lived with a dude that I thought was a friend. He ended up being a real twat of a motherfucker. Before I knew he was a real dullard, I left BMW about two weeks of me living with him. It was too military.A HUGE millitary-industrial complex. He fucked me over so that I had nowhere to go and I didnt have a job. He left. I had the apartment by myself. It was a blur of events past that. Between the weed, the booze and the mental health issues, I am grateful to be writing this. This guy's stripper girlfriend (Her name is Sam and she's nice as well as bananas) came to find me in a fucked up mess of my own doing at the apartment. After I came to, she and I decided that I needed to check myself into a mental health center. With no insurance. I had only a few boxes of stuff (I drove down to Florida at one point to get my shit). After I was in for a week (I know what I'm about and the solutions I need), I got a job working as a cook in a strip club. The BEST job I ever had because I actually made some good money. (30 girls dancing in one night with $5 tips to me is a lot of moolah) However, I didnt make enough money to stay. I only made enough money to leave. I bought two edibles and had a nice relaxing eight hour drive to a friend's house in Pennsacola We had a personal falling out/disagreement. I worked as a line cook at Slimz at the Al Fresco in Pensacola. I saved up money to come out to California. I'm with one of my few best friends, Tymothy. Upon my arrival here, my car was repossessed (I bought in South Carolina, which is fucking crazy that they found me). My life is coming together though, Nicole. I am generally happy in my day to day lifestyle. I'm hoping to be officially retired from working for the rest of my life within this next year. It turns out that there was A HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE scandal in the Navy and I'm going to use my genius mind to collect the disability that I deserve. Monthly, that payment could land anywhere between $800-2900.. For the rest of my life. I have an amazing home loan that I will get to use once the ball has begun rolling. Nicole, I really dont think I love you as much as I should have and that bothers me. Not in a negative way, at all. It makes me feel like I need to write this email to you. Like I owe you more for what you gave me, Nicole Gable. You might not see it, Nicole. The only reason I ever went along with the mental health is so that we could have a healthy relationship together. Whatever that even fucking means as far as the definition goes. Hell, for all I know, you could be seriously dead or worse. You could be dating somebody.. 😝 I havent dated anyone quite seriously. I've been on a couple of dates here and there, but I just didn't/don't care. I hope that all of these women find someone that loves them as much as I know I can love you someday, if you could ever trust me... If you're with someone, I seriously hope they love you as much as space-time can hold matter and energy and light and dark matter. The greatest lesson I have learned since we spoke last is that we will live our lives from the shades of fear and the radiations of love. I love and accept myself now. I love myself exactly how you once loved me. I don't know where on this rock you are, but if you'd like to never have to work again, please reach out to me. I would be honored, if you would ever be willing. It's still going to be a few months, so you can think about this for awhile..? If you ever wanted to live in California with me someday, I mean. Hell, we could be roomates. You could wear chastity belts and Amish outfits all year round . I don't know anything.. I hope that this email finds you well. I hope it has given you smiles. I hope you have a blessed day. [Update]  It is now the year 2020.  I am.  The world is the world. Hell is hell.  We’re all stuck on a rock in the middle of nowhere.  If there’s someone reading this, be aware: you do not exist. This is my spaceship.