#starting with unlearning the habit of trying to simultaneously take responsibility and defend myself.
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when you read back over a conversation and realise you handled it fucking terribly
#i wrote out a lot of tags but i realised it was a bit much so.#the gist is i am fucking done letting my own shortsightedness destroy everything.#i can never forgive myself for the damage I've done to someone i truly care about.#but this is precious to me. i wont let myself destroy it and i will do whatever it takes to make things right.#starting with unlearning the habit of trying to simultaneously take responsibility and defend myself.#gotta do one or the other. and i know damn well which one it should be.#im gonna post this one instead of just saving it to drafts like most of my vents because i truly wanna hold myself to it.#i accept that in this situation there's gonna be times i can't do anything and things i can't help with#but everything that i can i will. im holding myself to that.#i really hate that i got into that habit in the first place like. i never even wanted to defend myself.#and yet somehow i was trying to anyway.#enough of that.
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