#stop reaching to make gwyn something she isn't

[highladyjane]

"There is mention of Az giving Gwyn a private dagger handling lesson, and we know Az likes daggers and Gwyn is associated with daggers in ACOSF."

OK, so apparently it's a reason for them to be mates? 😏

First of all, it’s done off-page and honestly too vague so we can’t know for sure, but it said that

“Apparently, Gwyn wanted him to go over dagger handling, so he’d left them with a promise to return in one hour.” (ACOSF, ch. 55)

It never said "private". So let's not assume that at least some of the other priestesses he's been training didn't linger as well to watch or participate for an extra lesson just because it was Gwyn specifically who asked for it. And even if it was just the two of them having private lessons, "He still wouldn't go so far as calling Gwyn a friend" after it all.

And oh, you know what happens after that lesson? Only ONE mention of Gwyn with a knife. And it was NOT just Gwyn, but also Nesta wielding daggers during the Blood Rite. Let's also not forget Nesta had her Made dagger gifted to Eris. So sadly for yous, daggers are not merely Gwyn-related since there are other more important daggers at play in the plot.

Also,

Did we forget what's on the cover of ACOWAR?

See those blooms and shadows wrapped around Truth-teller?

If you don't know who those are associated with, you clearly haven't read the books.

Did we also forget WHO killed the King of Hybern with Azriel’s very own dagger that he’s never let anyone else touch?

Did we forget this scene that was so important it was featured in the colouring books and helped change the course of the war so that Gwyn can finally go out into the world where she's safe from the reason who caused her most traumatic experience?

Also...

Know what else Az likes besides his daggers?

Elain Archeron. The one who stabbed a king/the main villain with said dagger - the most famed dagger in the Maasverse before Gwyn ever even held one.

He likes her so much he starts questioning the sacredness of mating bonds and the Cauldron in front of his mated High Lord.

Or did we forget that as well?

Stop omitting Elain as if she didn't happen or isn't pivotal to stop wars or even further the story just because she's been taking the backseat from her sisters' stories and their obviously biased POVs of her.

And stop making Gwyn into something she's not. Let her be a bad-ass in her own right without inserting any male in her story when she's clearly all about the girl-power with the Valkyries. She's not there for Az who she's barely had 1 scene alone with.

[lurkinggirlie]

Azriel's mother

A theory about Azriel's mother. aka I'm reaching (not sure if there are similar posts, but do let me know if there are ! I'd love to read them)

Disclaimer: this isn't a ship related post, but both Gwyn and Elain would be mentioned for different reasons. This isn't a Freud wet fantasy post so let's not go there. (Spoilers for the whole series and HOFAS bonus)

For someone we’ve never met, I have a lot of thoughts about Azriel’s mother as a character. We don’t know much about her but here are my best guesses from what we’ve glimpsed.

We first learn of Azriel’s mother straight after we meet him, we know his mom was probably assaulted by an Illyrian lord who was married to an evil female and had two older children.  (not sure if it was mentioned but she was probably really young and worked for Azriel's father)

What we know from ACOMAF:

Rhys’ mom knew Az’s mother which is why she took him in.

Azriel stayed in his father’s keep for 11 years, and was allowed to see his mother for an hour once a week. 

I’m not sure if there are any other mentions of her, but these are the instances I found.

*************************

Then later on in ACOFAS we get a little hint that she’s still alive: 

“When do you head out for Rosehall?”

“The morning after Solstice,” he supplied, turning toward the glittering sprawl of Velaris. He winced—slightly. “I still need to do some shopping before I go.”

I offered my brother a crooked smile. “Buy her something from me, will you? And put it on my account this time.”

I knew Az wouldn’t, but he nodded all the same.”

It's not mentioned who “her” is neither where Rosehall is, but we could guess it’s someone he needs to buy a gift for. “Put it on my account this time” shows us that this isn’t the first time Rhys had asked Azriel to buy her something from him, but why is it that she isn’t invited over? Or why isn’t Rhys offering to visit her? I’ll talk about this later.

We get another mention of his mother in ACOFAS when he stops everyone from eating until Elain is seated.

*********************

ACOSF just confirms the suspicious about her being alive through Cassian’s POV

“His mother had needed a place like this. But Rhys had established it long after she’d left this world. He wondered if Azriel’s mother had ever considered coming here, or if he’d ever pushed her to” 

So, we know that Azriel's mother is still suffering from all the things she’s been through if she needs a safe haven like the library. 

Which brings me back to the point of “why isn’t she around the IC at all” 

Finally HOFAS’s bonus chapter (the Azriel/Bryce and Nesta chapter) 

Bryce jerked her chin toward Azriel. "You've got the broody look of someone with an awful mother, too. Care to share?"

Nesta snorted. "Az never talks about his mother, and neither will our friends, so I’m guessing she's even worse."

The Illyrian snarled softly, "My mother is anything but awful."

Nesta tensed, like she was surprised she'd gotten such a response from him. "I was joking. Az, I didn't even know-"

"I don't want to discuss this," Azriel cut her off coldly.

Azriel's mother is a sensitive topic confirmed. No one talks about his mom, he doesn't talk about his mom. Granted, Bryce is a stranger so of course he isn’t about to overshare but still makes me wonder. Especially since Nesta said that neither Azriel or their friends bring her up.

Now here are all my thoughts in regards to the things we have mentioned.

Reason 1 of why Azriel is keeping his mother away:

Perhaps Azriel is keeping his mother away from the IC, or more specifically his work environment because he doesn’t want her to see him this way, as in his job and the things he has to do, especially since in his bonus he mentions this:

He avoided the urge to cross his arms, not wanting to look intimidating. He blocked out the memory that flashed of his mother cringing before his father, the male standing with crossed arms in such a way that made his displeasure known before he opened his hateful mouth.

He was in the library in this scene, talking to Clotho when he was giving the necklace to her.

I'm not saying that Azriel is like his father, but a big part of his job or overall persona is to look and be intimidating. And that could make his mother feel uneasy around him. Maybe Rosehall (wherever that is or whatever it is) is the safe space he has to see his mother; where he doesn't need to be the intimidating Spy/torturer/Shadowsinger.

And maybe the reason he gravitated towards the library, or found himself there not because of some magic singing abilities but because he subconsciously, or consciously thinks that his mother would fit there. Maybe she does end up going there in the next book.

We have seen how Gwyn have suffered, and how Azriel seemed so proud to see her regain her confidence/strength. but then we saw how the rite had triggered her again to go back to the library. So Perhaps Azriel's mother mental state is even more fragile which gets me to my second point:

Reason 2 of why Azriel is keeping his mother away:

Maybe his mother is not sane.

Hear me out, what if what had happened to his mother broke her in a way where being around people just triggers her. And Azriel just doesn't want anyone to see her this way because it breaks his heart.

Reason 3 of why Azriel is keeping his mother away:

I think there could be a possibility that his mother is a Seer but wasn't able to manage her powers properly maybe that on top of everything has driven her mad (or if we aren't going down that she isn't sane theory maybe he just doesn't want anyone using her. Maybe she blurts out her visions and we know that Seers are probably precious so of course someone would want to use that power and he simply doesn't want to put his mom through that). Remember in ACOWAR how he figured out that Elain was a seer? that he was the only one who listened and how he had looked at her and then disappeared. What if he had gone to where his mom is, to talk to her about this, to confirm. Maybe she helps Elain manage her visions

That is all, has anyone thought of Azriel's mother before? What are everyone's thoughts on this?

[gwyns]

E/riel’s are really going crazy over SJM posting that Taylor Swift song, Guilty as Sin, on ber Instagram story. 😂 One E/riel even said “Not going to lie, I think Taylor is an ACOTAR fan. So many of her songs are coded for our girlies. I'm like she's had to have read these books!!!”

I feel like not everything that Sarah posts has to do with her books. Maybe she just wants to post/enjoy girly things without it being deep. If people want to headcanon it for their ship then that’s obviously fine, but some people are being way too aggressive about it. According to and E/riel, one Gwynriel on TikTok said it reminded them of Gwyn because sin makes them think of protested and the E/riel said “People will reach for anything”. So it’s okay for E/riel’s to make headcanons about the song, but Gwyn fans can’t? E/riel’s believe that song is their ship because of the religious language that mimics E/riel.

It kinda reminds me of how E/riel’s say Elain isn’t leaving the NC, but when SJM posted spring stuff on her story they were screaming Elain. Or when some came up with the theory that Azriel’s mother is living in the Spring Court because of his property being called Rosehall, and so they connected Elain to that. Azriel does have a property called Rosehall, but I’m pretty sure Tamlin does too in the SC. Also, it would be weird for Azriel’s mother to live in the SC. Wouldn’t he want his mother close to him just in case? And wouldn’t he and his mother have to get permission by the High Lord of Spring to live in his court? Funny how E/riel’s don’t place Elain in Spring unless it’s to their benefit/it connects her to Azriel. Gotta love that cherry picking.😂

or... and hear me out... taylor makes songs that can be applied to any ship in any fandom, much like a lot of other pop music. it's not that deep lol. e/riels really need to stop reaching so hard, they might throw their backs out if they're not careful

yeah, sjm isn't subtle or really sneaky at all but these new fans seem to think everyone has to leave hints and clues outside of their work, when she has never done that over the span of her decade old career. why start now? anything she writes will earn her millions anyway, seems unnecessary to me. i believe that sjm's new team is just trying to get engagement and that it doesn't go very far beyond that

oh e/riels have severe main character syndrome. they think everything is about them and their ship and if it isn't they twist facts and omit information to make it seem so. it's sad that a lot of them are grown ass adults too like girl... don't you have bills or something to worry about? but you're on social media bullying others over fictional pairings? embarrassing. i know i talk mad shit but god damn i don't keep up with them like they do gwyn fans/gwynriels. i spend my free time on things i don't claim to hate, weird i know! but honestly we all know they're secretly fans at this point 🤭

lmfaoooo they're so hypocritical it's insane. how is elain going to stay in the night court with her sisters, spy besties and broody bat "where she belongs" while also being in spring/tied to spring? we all know azriel is not leaving rhys or his court so... seems to me like you wouldn't want to connect elain to spring. you know something that eluciens and actual elain fans have been doing for years now? because we understand her character?? and yes! no way in hell does az's mom live in the spring court. no way. they're just killing off all their own critical thinking for fun at this point

[acourtofthought]

The Power of Words - That POV Chapter

Yes, he is lusting after Elain but I find it more interesting to look beyond his physical attraction to her. These are the types of thoughts Azriel has when he's around or thinking of situations involving Elain.

Elain's Part - Negative Words

lie

unnoticed

hand shaking

scarred

left the rest unspoken

couldn't stand the sight of it

skittered

prone to vanish

wrong

scarred

wrong - it was so wrong

he didn't care

only allowed himself these thoughts in the dead of night

when even his shadows had gone to sleep

she had no idea

unspeakable things

sullied

tainting her

dead of the longest night

mistake

hurt and confusion

bleakness

cold rage

ignored the question

seduce her away

hadn't gotten that far with his planning

Certainly not beyond the fantasies

defeat him

pure arrogance

rage

something he regretted

I realize a lot of that is attached to Az's perception of himself but regardless, being around Elain seems to trigger negativity for Az. Not because she's done anything wrong, simply because Az is dealing with some stuff. But that list does not make me feel positive about or excited for their pairing. It just seems depressing. And yes, in some romances this is a trope but not for SJM and not when she has now introduced another character who IS much more similar in personality to Az than Elain. She is notorious for her characters starting off with one love interest only to make their way through a few before reaching their endgame and making her couples super complimentary. Az and Elain are on totally different ends of the spectrum in so many important ways. So this kind of language for an SJM couple isn't a good thing based on her writing style. It evokes the idea of a very dark and unhealthy relationship.

Gwyn's Part: - Negative Words

lie

dismissal

refrained from mentioning

wasn't socially acceptable

didn't feel like explaining or demonstrating

In the very beginning of Az's interactions with Gwyn, he's a bit stand offish, no doubt because he was caught of guard and still in a mood from before. But there really isn't much that is overly negative or full of self loathing during their exchange. I get that's partly due to the fact that he's just getting to know her but, someone like Az has never had a normal and healthy foundation with someone so this is kind of a big deal for him. If he gets to know her without developing an unhealthy obsession, then he has a very real chance of not falling back into his brooding ways. And the longer Az spends with her in the POV, the lighter his mood becomes.

Elain's Part - Positive Words (not related to physical attraction or sex)

he chuckled

mouth twitched in a smile

offered her a smile back

it's beautiful

her face so trusting and hopeful

There's not really a whole lot to go on here. They don't have any real conversation beyond discussing their gifts and Az hasn't been coming to family dinners lately. I'm not really seeing any common ground, level of comfort or connection between them other than mutual physical attraction.

Gwyn's Part - Positive Words

The young priestess smiled

Directed at his curious shadows

So at odds with the Gwyn he saw before him

Her mouth quirked to the side

Pure amusement glittered in her state

He offered her a crooked smile

Azriels lips twitched

His shadows darted out to dance

wasn't every day that people took him by surprise

A beautiful, precise blow

Azriel laughed

Gwyn smiled broadly

something restless settling

Even his shadows had calmed

A warrior sizing up an opponent

all traces of that charming irreverence

a faint, beautiful singing followed him

his shadows sang in answer

I think it's fairly evident that there is a much more positive vibe he experiences when he's around Gwyn. I would much rather be a female bringing happiness to a male than one who can't stop thinking of how wrong it is to touch and be near me. Elain deserves someone who looks at her as their light and their equal, not as an untouchable doll who they connect to such negative emotions. And Az deserves to feel joy around a female for once, not the angst he's felt over Mor and now Elain for the past 500 + years. Not to mention that Az is a warrior and he has already started thinking of Gwyn in warrior terms in his head. That is an SJM endgame hint right there. He is already seeing her as an EQUAL, a courtesy which he's never given Elain. Elain is either too much on a pedestal some days and too innocent and in need of protection others. Never equal.

[scarlettdragnastan]

The Lies We Tell Ourselves- An ACOSF/ACOTAR fanfic.

**longest chapter yet! Enjoy <3

Chapter 3

Nesta was like a little kid when they reached the new bookstore, and the sight of her so carefree and relaxed made Cassian smile. Nesta's expression was so serious, picking each book meticulously as if she is deciding on the most important political court businesses. And Cassian laughed. He laughed so much that Nesta looked at him like he turned crazy.

"I'm sorry, it's just-" He couldn't continue his words and his laugh bounced off the walls of the bookstore. His laugh was infectious and a couple of other fae in the store smiled at him. Nesta wondered sometimes how someone can light up the entire room, merely with their laugh. She wondered how Cassian has this ability to turn everything into smiles.

It enamored Nesta, because she could never enter a room and light it up the way he does, she could never be what he is to other people. But when she is with him, she feels like she could be all these things- because he's a part of her now, and every part of him that makes him Cassian is also part of her now.

The way Nesta was looking at him sobered him and the laugh disappeared until a small smile was left on his face. He found himself wondering how he never noticed how beautiful her eyes were. He always admired the way her eyes would just turn to a haunting silver whenever she used her powers, but her natural eyes... At first glance, anyone would say she and Feyre have the same eyes, but no. No, Nesta's eyes... they're different. They are like a storm. A storm that can tear you up in just a second, but also a storm that will protect you from anything.

"Good to see you laughing, you've been distant all day."

The guilt came back with a vengeance, echoing across the walls of his mind along the words of Emerie and Gwyn. "I know, I'm sorry."

Nesta shook her head, "Don't apologize, but I'm here if you want to talk."

He knows Nesta struggles with these things, with talking about feelings and showing affection in public, so he really is thankful for all the effort she's putting in, and all he wants to do is wrap his arms around her and kiss her senselessly. "Did you find anything?"

Nesta snorted and pointed to the large stack of books on the counter. "Rhys and Feyre will be getting the longest bookstore bill ever." He mused and smiled at Nesta, but she shook her head.

"Actually I already paid." After a while of trying to find a job and failing, Emerie finally convinced Nesta to work in her store until she can find something. She has been offering Nesta a job ever since she told her that she's job hunting, but Nesta felt like she is taking advantage of her friend and kept refusing until Emerie snapped and told her that if she'd say something like that ever again, Emerie would be really hurt and pissed.

"You did?"

Nesta nodded again, "I'm working with Emerie now, so I get paid a salary."

"Salary? Nesta are you short on money? Isn't Rhys paying you money like the rest of us?". If Rhysand wasn't giving Nesta money like he is the rest of the Inner Circle he's going to have words with his brother. Because Nesta works as much as any of them in the Night Court, Cassian would even argue that lately, Nesta has been one of the major key players in the Night Court. So, she's entitled to a salary just like Cassian is.

"He is. I'm just not using it." Nesta shrugged and quickly turned to collect her books, indicating that she was done with the conversation. This newfound revelations made him stop short in his tracks because it brought about more unwanted thoughts and Emerie's scathing words came back hurling at him again.

"Are you free to do anything else, or do you have somewhere you have to be right now?" Nesta asked as they left the bookstore, and Cassian had to ask her to repeat herself because he was so absorbed in his thoughts and worries about her.

"I'm free. I freed up the entire day for you actually." He smiled softly at her and she returned it with a small smile of her own. He then reached for the bags full of books and gave her a teasing smirk at the number of bags she is carrying, trying to ease the tension and her frown.

"Cassian what's wrong?" She demanded, crossing her arms. "And don't say nothing, let's go to the house if you want and we'll talk."

The fly to the House of the Wind was silent, with Cassian trying to come up with what to say and how to say it. The house was happy to see them- her, and food immediately started to appear and the lights flickered in excitement. Nesta chuckled, the sound sending chills through Cassian's body.

"I bought new books today, would you care to check them out?" She asked the house, and the lights started flickering even faster making her smile.

"Nes?" Cassian's voice was unsure. Nesta looked at him and gave him a soft smile. Cassian took a deep breath as if preparing for battle. Nesta's gaze was fixed on him, making him more anxious than he already is.

"I'm just... worried about you."

Nesta raised an elegant eyebrow, "I'm fine."

"I know, but I was just wondering... I mean we didn't exactly sit down and have a proper talk after everything happened you know?"

Nesta's gaze sill bore into him, unflinching, but something passed in her eyes- fleeting. "About what?"

Cassian sighed deeply and grabbed her hand, playing with her fingers. "I was just worried that you rushed into accepting the mating bond, the ceremony... everything."

Nesta's entire body recoiled, and her hand slipped away from his like his touch is poison. "You don't want it anymore." Her voice was unnervingly neutral, and her face descended into the cool, calm expression Cassian is scared of. Because it reminds him of Nesta a year ago- the one who wouldn't even get out of bed. "You don't want the ceremony anymore. It's fine."

"NO!" Cassian yelled quickly. "Never! I want this. I crave it, I dream about the minute we officially accept the bond during the ceremony."

Nesta sighed, so defeated that Cassian wondered how he could be blind to not see that she's not healed yet. Her usually poised and straight shoulders were slumped.

"Why would you think I'd want to cancel it Nes?" His voice was so quiet that when she didn't answer for a free second he thought she didn't hear him even with her fae hearing.

"Why wouldn't you." The answer came just as quiet, and Cassian's heart ached.

"I want this Nes." He stressed, "I'm just worried that you don't."

"I was the one who offered Cassian."

"I know, but before the Blood Rite you didn't want it."

"Cassian I love you. I have loved you ever since I saw you for the first time. Don't you dare question my love for you."

Cassian's eyes widened, and his hand extended to reach hers again. "I'm not questioning your love. I would never! I'm just saying-" He released a frustrated breath and ran a hand through his hair, "I keep messing everything up."

He looked at her pleadingly, "Let's start this again."

Nesta had to focus on anything other than the pleading look Cassian is sending her, the guilt so strong making her want to heave. She's always going to be the cause of this look, and for the millionth time this week, she wondered if she did the right thing by accepting the bond. By asking him if he wanted a stupid cookie or a ceremony.

She loves Cassian so much. In fact, sometimes she thinks loving him was the only emotion she couldn't numb with the alcohol. Loving him was the only thing that prevented her from slipping over the edge when her brain was being filled with every vile thought about herself.

But Cassian's eyes were still pleading and begging, so she nodded.

Cassian couldn't contain the relieved sigh that escaped from him. "Listen, I didn't mean it like that. The whole thing about the ceremony. I just wanted to make sure you're alright with all of it because you weren't very keen about the bond. I know how much you love me, I just don't want you to feel pressured into doing something you don't really believe in. We don't have to carry on with the ceremony. I'll be content with just this- what we have now. Because it doesn't make it any less real."

But Nesta knew that wasn't true. Ever since they accepted the bond and talked about the ceremony, Nesta found herself wondering if this is the day Cassian would eventually realize what a mess he got himself in. He would realize the version of her he sees is the one that is pained by flowers and rainbows courtesy of the bond. He finally sees the version that everyone else does, the real version. The monster. The wretch. The witch. The rude and mean version. The very worst version.

Nesta knew what he's saying isn't true and now she felt like she dragged him into this by offering it. He makes his own choices sure, but the bond definitely has some degree of influence on him. Because Cassian might care about her but she's not sure he would have chosen her if not for the stupid bond. The thought brought immense sadness. So much sadness that it hurt her to breathe.

Cassian gasped and clutched his chest. "Nesta," he rasped. "What..."

Nesta's eyes widened, forgetting that feelings and sometimes thoughts can be transferred through the bond. Her mind shields and walls quickly rose up, recalling every practice she did on mind stillness.

"I'm sorry," she shook her head. The thought of causing him pain...

"What was that?" Cassian's eyes were wild. "Talk to me."

Nesta shook her head, "Nothing. I am fine."

"You're obviously not. Please talk to me."

Nesta look at him like she was caught sealing one of Amren's precious jewels. Like she was caught doing something she shouldn't do.

But before either of them could open their mouths, dark swirls appeared in the house, and Morrigan's worried and frantic expression appeared.

"We have a problem. You are needed back at the court." Her voice was raspy and held a note of urgency in it.

"I'll leave you two to it then." Nesta said aiming to the door of the house. Maybe going down the 10,000 steps would give her mind the opportunity to think clearly.

"You both are needed."

Tags:

@little-darlingo :) Thanks for reading my humble story ❤️

[yazthebookish]

Dear not all but *some* Elr*els,

For the love of god, stop.

I don't want to address you or even engage with you but here we are for the millionth time to talk again about how you handle topics of SA.

Stop using Gwyn's SA as a gaslighting tool.

Stop diminishing her personality and making her SA her sole identity.

Your performative concern about her SA survivor status would've been convincing if not for the many times SA survivors themselves called you out on your harmful takes and the hurtful posts you continue to reblog and support.

You look at everything with shipping lenses, there is nothing you do that is not related to your ship so it's hard to be convinced that your concern is genuine when often times it's not. Gwyn is a threat and her SA is a way for you to weaponize something to guilt-trip others and to even diminish her character and journey so far.

You limit her healing and claim as long as she is under the library that's where she belongs when healing is not linear and SA survivors can always take a step after step to reach where they want.

The thing is you simply don't want her to move on and don't think she is capable of doing so because she is a SA survivor. That reflects on how you may think about all those that went through such trauma, that they are beyond healing or will need at least a decade to actually heal when that's not true and healing journeys differ from others.

Just as Gwyn said, she is sick of staying in the library and wants to leave it someday. That wish is there and has been stated. That is something we are excited to see because it's what she wants.

✅ Curious about sex to the point she asks if it's good and reads smutty books

✅ Joins training, participates in the Blood Rite, and becomes a Valkyrie and a Carynthian

✅ Feels comfortable enough to train, talk to and joke with Cassian, interact with Rhys, and tease and spend a night alone chatting with Azriel and later on challenges and teases him

✅ Spies on Illyrian males for days and steals food from them

✅ Actually fights Illyrian males during the Blood Rite

✅ Has a competitive nature (e.g., proving Azriel wrong) and confrontational when someone tries to coddle her (e.g., Nesta)

✅ Calls both Azriel and Cassian sadistic monsters

✅ A hardworking scholar and priestess

✅ Asked Azriel for dagger-handling lessons which they had one ALONE

✅ Despite her fear, she braved to leave the library for the first time in two years to be there for her friend. Gwyn stroked Nesta’s head. “Some things are more important than fear.”

You are purposely trying to shame others for shipping something by creating a false narrative that disguises your contempt as concern about a character who is a SA survivor.

Most of your morality posts are just as offensive because it's pushing this concept that being assaulted breaks you beyond healing.

This isn't about fictional characters, it's about the lot of you weaponizing something so personal and triggering for many to try and shame people into being in favor of what you like and support.

It's beyond pathological.

If you noticed, I did not generalize that all Elr*els do this since they are also real people with their own experiences. Some of them could even be SA survivors themselves. This is directed specifically at the people that are vocal about these harmful takes. I am not typing this for the sake of the ship war, this is about having some empathy and consideration when talking about such topics.

If you believe you lack having even an ounce of empathy, then don't speak on matters of SA survivors and trigger many people over a ridiculous ship war.

Also, her status as a SA survivor does not mean she can't be criticized or disliked as a character, that's the point of not making her trauma her entire identity. Saying it's problematic to present her as a manipulative and luring evil being is not using her trauma as a shield to protect her from criticism, it's simply the fact that it's insinuating someone who was once a victim that were violated against their will is also luring others against their will. That is what's problematic.

This is not about the fucking shipwar, just be mindful of your own words which often times you're not. People don't have to disclose their own experiences to make a point and convince you on how hurtful and upsetting it is.

Ship Elr*el all you want but be mindful about these topics as a reminder for the millionth time.

[jungleslang]

So everyone's been talking about Azriel's shadows and how they seem to dance around Gwyn, but disappear around Elain. People seem to think his shadows disappearing around Elain is a bad thing, but I don't think so. I know I'm a little late, but I figured I'd still join the club and add my own thoughts to this debate by creating yet another compilation.

Now, before we talk about what it means that Az's shadows disappear around Elain, we need to talk about what it means when Az's shadows are present, or when they are swarming around him, as they often do in the books.

This is the very first time we see Azriel's shadows "wreathing" him in the series. Amren makes a comment about how violent the Illyrians are, which we know is a major source of discomfort/hatred for Az. Her comment causes his shadows to flock to him. This indicates that Azriel's shadows appear when he is uncomfortable. And here are some more instances of this happening.

In all of these scenes, we can see Azriel's shadows coming out to swarm him when he is uncomfortable. In the first one, Cassian makes a comment about their younger days that embarrasses Az, but when Mor defends him, he relaxes and the shadows disappear. In the second scene, Azriel discusses his childhood and the fact that he learned to fly much later than his brothers, which is clearly also a source of pain and discomfort for him. The last scene happens in ACOWAR when the IC gets into that fight about Rhys working with Eris and them going to the prison to recruit the Bone Carver behind Amren's back. Azriel uses his shadows to try and hide and distance himself from the situation.

Now the fact that Az's shadows come out when he is uncomfortable demonstrates that his shadows also serve the purpose of protecting him from emotions that he does not want to feel. We can see this from the scenes where Azriel's shadows coil around him when he sees Mor and Cassian together.

Feyre specifically says that it seems like Azriel's shadows are shielding him. Shielding him from what he feels when he sees Mor and Cassian together, walking off without him. Then there's this scene with Helion.

Yet another instance of Az's shadows protecting him from how feels about the thought of Mor with someone else. In addition to protecting him from emotions that he doesn't want to deal with, Azriel's shadows also seem to offer some form of physical protection as well.

This is the scene in ACOWAR where Az pops off on Eris during the meeting with all of the high lords. Feyre says that Az's shadows are hiding him from "the wrath of the binding magic" that was supposed to prevent people from engaging in a physical fignt. This implies that his shadows can provide other forms of protection as well besides emotional protection. There are also various instances in the series where Az's shadows are referred to as shields / described as shielding him, but I can't add them all as I don't have the space, and it isn't really necessary.

The last scene with Az fighting Eris also specifically uses the word "hid," which brings up another important function of Az's shadows. Azriel uses them not only as protection from having to feel emotions he'd rather push away, but also to hide his emotions from other people. I'm pretty sure all Elriel shippers know that scene from ACOFAS where Rhys is questioning Az about why he doesn't keep track of Lucien's movements, and Rhys himself says that Azriel's shadows are wrapped too tighty around him, thus hiding his emotions far too well for Rhys to be able to get a read on him.

We all also know that Az's shadows tend to swarm around him when he's pissed off, like in that scene where he finds out that Elain has been kidnapped and his eyes glow golden.

The point here is that Azriel's shadows being present is pretty much never framed as a good thing in this series. Now, I'm not saying that his shadows dancing around Gwyn is necessarily a bad thing, but we have to keep in mind that Azriel's shadows suddenly appearing hardly, if ever, indicates anything good. On the flip side, Az's shadows brightening is usually framed as a positive thing. However, Gwynriel shippers are right about Az's shadows providing him comfort.

In these two scenes, Azriel is seen taking comfort in the shadows, and they are described as his sanctuary. But we have to ask, sanctuary from what? And from what I discussed above, it's clear they're a sanctuary from the emotions of the real world, which is not necessarily always a good thing. Azriel's shadows represent his safe space / comfort zone, but sometimes it's necessary that we step out of our comfort zones, which is something I think Az needs to do. He has A LOT of shit he needs to deal with (SJM said herself that he's going through some shit), and he's not gonna be able to deal with it while hiding safely within his shadows. There's nothing comfortable about facing your problems.

So, what does all of this say about the fact that his shadows disappear around Elain? Since his shadows appear when he is uncomfortable, this indicates that Elain makes him feel comfortable. Since his shadows appear to protect him, this indicates that he does not believe Elain is someone he needs to be protected from. Since his shadows appear when he wants to hide, this indicates that he does not feel the need to hide from Elain. When Elain is around, he does not need his shadows to be his companion because she is his companion. He doesn't need his shadows to act as a safe space because she is his safe space.

It is also important to note that Az is not doing this on purpose. Some people are saying that he's purposely hiding his shadows from her when he's actually not. And we know this is the case because Az is indeed capable of forcing his shadows to vanish, as when he first meets Elain and Nesta, Feyre comments on how both Rhys and Az had dimmed their shadows. But it's been established that Az's shadows sometimes act on their own. They are a part of him in a way, but they are also separate from him, which is also indicted by the fact he wasn't born with them. There is a clear difference in the books between Az's shadows lightening on their own and him purposely making them disappear. They are two different things, which I think is telling.

And now, I've saved what I think is the most important part for last.

I have never seen anyone talk about this, and maybe I'm reaching, but I think that this scene is important. This is when Az is teaching Feyre how to fly. Feyre implies that Az seems the most human when his shadows are gone, and she describes his face as stark and clear. I find it interesting that the world "clear" was used. Clear has many different definitions, including open, transparent, liberate, free from uncertainty, and cloudless/bright. Maybe I'm reading too much into this, but I feel like this is important because Az definitely needs to be more clear/open about a lot of things in his life. I don't think he needs to be rid of his shadows or anything, but he definitely needs to stop using them as a crutch, as a way to hide, and as place to retreat to when he doesn't want to face his feelings.

Okay this ended up being longer than I anticipated, and if you managed to read this whole clusterfuck, thank you. I would love to hear what you guys think, or if there's anything you guys would like to add 💙🌺

[namisthecoolest]

Part II - "One step forward, two steps back."

Gwyn couldn't sleep. How could she after all that has happened ? Mindlessly her hand went to grasp for the necklace but ended up clutching air instead. The tightening in her throat, that she was trying really hard to get rid of, intensified. Mind stilling didn't work and now she lay on her bed staring at the ceiling. She can't stay alone, not with her mind wandering off to places she doesn't want to go. She quickly got up and wore her leathers. That's what she has been doing for the past few months when she waked up breathless with tear stains on her cheeks and a silent scream lodged in her throat. Go up to the House of Wind and train until she's numb of the pain, both physical and emotional one. It was the night of the past years Winter Solstice when the Shadowsinger first found her training in the middle of the night trying to cut the ribbon. That was the first time they had a real conversation rather than him barking orders and teaching her techniques during training.

-------------

When the Shadowsinger landed on the balcony that night Gwyn was surprised because she thought everyone was going to be staying at the High Lord and Ladys river estate. She started apologizing when he cut her off saying he came to retrieve something he left behind. It was like any other night. Her waking up finding herself in darkness and covered in sweat. She didn't think twice before changing and headed up. Every muscle of her body was aching at first but now all is numb and she welcomed it.

"I forgot something. "

She knew he was lying so instead of calling him out she asked, "At two in the morning? "

His eyes shone amusement when he replied with, "I can't sleep without my favorite dagger. "

"A comfort to every growing child. "

They talked a little more before she asked.

"Do you sing?"

Gwyn doesn't know what had posessed her. It could either be the cold got to her head or she was so desperate to divert her mind that she clutched to the first thing she thought of. But it was a question she had in her mind ever since she had heard his title. But that's what it was supposed to be. In her mind not out in the open and especially not in front of HIM. But they were talking and she already asked it and there's no going back so now all she could do is wait for the answer.

He went silent for a second before asking, "Why do you ask? "

"They call you shadowsinger. Is it because you sing? "

"I am a shadowsinger-It's not a title that someone just made up. "

Well that doesn't answer her question so she shrugged and asked again. "Do you though.... Sing? "

He eyed her peculiarly before the corner of his lips tipped up and let loose a low sound which sounded an awful lot like a laugh. HOLY SHIT SHE MADE THE AZRIEL, SPYMASTER OF THE NIGHT COURT, LAUGH. She was still reeling from her achievement and that's why she could barely register his answer.

"Yes."

Well now she was more curious. She opened her mouth to ask more but was cut short when he corrected her techique on using the blade. Well she couldn't be of blame when all Cassian does nowadays is make googly eyes at Nesta and she said as much to the Shadowsinger, who unsurprisingly agreed. They think they are doing a great job at hiding it but are failing awfully because even a blind person could sense the heat and intensity crackling between them whenever they are near each other.

"Happy Solstice. Don't stay out too much longer. You'll freeze.", he said and left when she nodded and she went back to trying to cut that Motherforbidden ribbon knowing she won't be going back until the heaviness in her heart felt a little lighter.

That night she went back to her dorm later than anticipated. She was on her way up to the priestess's dorm halls when she stopped in her tracks when she thought she heard a familiar voice. She followed the voice to Clotho's desk where she saw the Shadowsinger slide something to Clotho on her desk. She wasn't close enough to hear the whole exchange, but she saw him nodding and then he left. She thought he was probably here for some official business and didn't think much of it. The next day she got the necklace from Clothos with a note saying a friend left it for her. For the first time in a long time the tightness in her chest loosened a bit for her to breathe freely for a few seconds. It was the most beautiful thing she had ever received. A rose pendant that shined every time it moved. So this is what Azriel was doing in the library last night. But he didn't want her to know it was from him. Why? Without thinking much of it she put the necklace on and smiled the whole day.

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Fastening her hair in a braid her eyes caught the black cloak in the corner of her closet. She gulped thinking of the circumstances she and the Shadowsinger had first met and what she had found---NO NO she will not think of it. Her eyes were watering again and so she quickly got out of her room and went up the stairs. When she reached the balcony the sun was already peeking from the horizon. She stared at the sky while it changed its colors in various shades. She took a large breath forcing the fog in her mind to clear.

She had slapped him. For what? Because he had given her a gift meant for another? Fuck. She lost it when she finally processed what Elain was saying last night.

------------------

Elain was staring at something below her face. Her necklace. She smiled remembering who gave it to her and touched the rose.

"Isn't it pretty? " , she asked her still smiling.

"Yes.Very.May I ask how you got it? "

Strange she had thought. Elain and Gwyn never talked. Now all of a sudden she had approached her and asked about the necklace.

"A friend left it for me at the library. " Not the complete truth but if Azriel wanted it to be anonymous and the least she could do is respect his wishes.

"Huh, it looks exactly the same one I had returned to Azriel last Solstice. "

Gwyn's blood went cold. "What? ".She hated how her voice cracked.

"Oh... Azriel had given it to me as a Solstice present. I had returned it of course. But it looks like he found someone else to give it to. "

The necklace suddenly felt like a heavy chain on her neck. Her eyes watered from what?....hurt. The necklace that gave her solace a while ago now was the reason of her heart being gripped painfully. She stood there frozen, until she couldn't take it anymore. Ripping the necklace from her neck she shoved it in Elain's hand who took it with a stone cold face. When she whirled around to leave she came face to face with the cause of her tears. Azriel......how could he do this to her? He gave her a gift as an... afterthought? Someone who would happily take something rejected by another? Someone to be pitied? Is that what he thought of her?. Him standing there with wide eyes didn't help the roaring that grew by the second in her head. She slapped him with all her strength and fled from the spot telling him to never speak to her again.

Mor had found her outside the throne room. She took one look at Gwyn's face and winnowed her back to the library. She was very thankful for her to not question why she was crying. Mor ensured Gwyn had safely reached her dorm and took her leave.

-------------------

Gwyn doesn't know how long she has been staring at the horizon. Apparently long enough for the birds to start chirping and the sun to fully come up. Rubbing her face with her hands she groaned internally. She had lashed at him for something he was not at fault of. It was her fault. She placed her expectations too high for someone like her. A priestess who was violated in ways that cannot be undone and carried baggage more than she can endure. She thought she meant something to the Spymaster of the Night Court. She thought they had been friends after all the late night training sessions they had after the first one and the jabs they threw at eachother every now and then. She was nothing more to him but his student. What was she thinking? Of course he deserved someone like Elain- beautiful, innocent, unstained....perfect. She has to get that through her head. Even if it meant she has to press down her feelings towards him. The ones she would never dare now to indulge in. How was she going to face him now? But she has to try to make things try. After all he still is her trainer and she doesn't want things to be awkward. Determined to set things in their righful place, which also included her expectations which was too high for her own good, she took a deep breath.

"I'm the rock against which the surf crashes ~inhale~ Nothing can break me. ~exhale~ ", she whispered to herself and the world around. With renewed strength she turned around. She let out a humorless laugh and thought the Mother has a wicked sense of humor by---her thoughts came to a sudden halt when she saw HIM standing on top of the stairs, his gaze focused solely on her. She hardened herself.

"Shadowsinger."

[lunuanaki]

Hey holla hello there, I'm here to talk to you about Gywndolin, the Gwyndoes and the Gwyndon'ts. Have you always had a crippling addiction to violence? How about arrows, how do you feel about magical sparkly moon arrows? On a scale of kid to squid, how excited are you about the new Anor Londo simulator, Splatoon 2? And finally, which is better: Dreams, or Why Can't This Be Love? This question isn't really about Van Halen, btw. Okay, anon out, hippity hoppin' away -

  -- ‘Crippling addiction to violence’? She replays the words in her head, paying each one a separate measure of attention and noting, in a detached way, that she grows angrier with the passing of them. An interesting way to downplay her relationship with his least favourite child.

  “Is that what we’re calling it, Lord Gwyn?” she replies, her voice like broken glass in her throat as words she knows she shouldn’t speak force their way out, “Is that the sum of your daughters’ parts? Violence, and addiction? I pity you, that all you see in Gwyndolin is that; but why should I expect any better of you?”She should stop - she knows she should stop - he will kill her where she stands and feel nothing - but this has been a long time coming; there would always have been a day he suspected them, a day he finally confronted her. Odd, though - She always imagined his incredulity would be at Gwyndolin’s poor taste. Not hers. But she is ever too optimistic where he is concerned, never quite wanting to admit that Gwyn truly cared nothing at all for one she held in such importance.

  “Have you not always been thus? Deathly afraid that someday, something or someone might cast doubt on the gross incandescence of your being, like Gwyndolin? That day has come and gone, though heaven forbid you turn your obsessive eye from the pathetic notion of your legacy long enough to realise it. Go. Go to the Flame as you plan, leave Gwyndolin - leave us, while your favoured children take their places in fortresses and castles, that they might live on to remind your people of you. May it all be for nothing; may your greatness be forgotten; may your sunlit heirs choose to keep their lives in their new homes and may your city be remade in darkness, for what difference could it make? Vanity and pride have hidden themselves well enough in light until now; and perhaps Anor Londo, and Irithyll, will be relieved of the respite given to their eyes by the absence of your blinding sun. When they recover from its influence, when they see again, and see that all that remains after the death of your Flame is Gwyndolin, do you think they will value you at all? No. No. Their devotion will be to him, the only one of your family not so concerned with their own power they would flee before the idea of its passing. You have no time left to pass judgement, old man. Use what little you have left to reach for your place in history, and do it with every ounce of strength left in you; I will do everything in my power to make sure you are condemned to dust.”