#study › alkka “wolf” salo ⊹ violence as a mother tongue

[warborn-tragedy]

It's the way Alkka is susceptible to a very black and white line of thinking as a result of her upbringing, even as she's working to try and get past that. How, in her mind, strangers are enemies and compatriots are temporary allies to guard against; but trusted allies deserve nothing less than full, unquestioning devotion and loyalty. How she's only recently begun to detangle 'fear' from 'respect' and how the first manifestation of that concept may have been at Las Almas.

Graves wasn't an ally yet, just a new hand holding the leash in her eyes, even if she was the one to hand over control to begin with. Throughout Shadow Company's presence in Las Almas, she was forming her own private, independent opinion of the company and Graves' command while simultaneously not allowing herself to consider the moral implications of what was going on. It wasn't in her 'programming' so to speak. It's not something she allows herself, not even now.

But back to the 'separating fear from respect' thing. Because in a sense it's Ghost to 'blame' for this.

Alkka was never scared of him, or more accurately the rumors she heard of him while on the ground in Las Almas. But when he shot first, took that opportunity that her new 'commander' gave him? That was the first small 'push' for Alkka to realize that fear wasn't a prerequisite for respect, even to the smallest degree.

She still thinks the skull mask is stupid as fuck though. As if she isn't running around with what amounts to a heavily modified 'muzzle' as a face covering.

[warborn-tragedy]

— how does your muse carry emotions? | alkka "wolf" salo

ANGER. jaw clenching, hands balling into fists, teeth grinding, yelling, going non verbal, stuttering speech, rushed speech, slow concise speech, rambling, quiet, arms crossing, shaking head, tearing up, animated, expressionless, projects, internalizes, vents, withdraws, passive aggressive, direct, physical outbursts, verbal outbursts.

JOY. easy smiles, fighting back grins, suppressed laughter, loud laughter, giggles, chuckling, smirks, whole body laughs, covers mouth when laughing/giggling, throws head back when laughing, slaps leg, touches people around them when laughing, looks down when laughing, looks for eye contact when laughing, sparkling eyes, bubbly happiness, quiet subtle happiness, obnoxious happiness, wants to spread joy, quietly savors joy.

SADNESS. crying, bottling it up, seeks distractions, wallows, meditates trains and processes, avoidance, seeks out comfort, withdraws, talks it out, internalizes it, sad smiles, depression naps, uses alcohol, uses drugs, seeks out sources of joy, fidgets with sentimental item, sits in silence, broods, gets moody, wants someone to share the misery, tries to hide negative emotions, nurtures others to make themselves feel better.

EMBARRASSMENT / SHAME. blushing, looking away, rubbing at back of head, covering face, laughing nervously, laughs it off, overthinks, lets it go, self deprecating humor, deflects, gets irritated, smiles, withdraws, crossing arms over stomach, crossing arms over chest, hands in pockets, shoulders sinking, shrugs, falling into silence until comfortable again, talking a lot to compensate.

GUILT. avoiding eye contact, shoulders sinking low, head hanging down, crying, chest aches, lashes out, internalizes, apologizes, deflects, communicates, withdraws, grand gestures for forgiveness, accepts fault easily, punishes themselves, martyrdom, victim complex, guilt complex, healthy conscience, internalizes even after forgiveness, seeking redemption, moves on easily, denial, lack of guilt/conscience, sorry they got caught more than caused harm, can’t handle knowing they hurt others.

FEAR / ANXIETY. trembling, crying, sarcasm/sass to cope, rambles, goes silent, gets angry, fidgeting, clenching jaw, picking at nails, chewing at lip, pulling at clothes, adjusting jewelry/clothing, swallowing thickly, eyes widening, over-reacts, under-reacts, calm, logical, panic, irrational, overthinks, carefully analyzes, talks to themselves, breathing exercises, flight, fight, withdraw, fawn.

[warborn-tragedy]

Alkka 100% listens to Poets of the Fall. That's it, that's the post.

[warborn-tragedy]

Alkka and Voitto would've both been around 5'11-6'0 if it weren't for the intense childhood stress + borderline malnutrition.

[warborn-tragedy]

Alkka and Voitto are Exhausted but in a good way. Both got up early to knock out PT before sneaking off someplace to watch the sunrise, just the two of them. It's an old tradition of theirs, going back to when they were kids that they'd do whenever they were able.

While they're well known as a pair, they're still seen often enough separate from each other. A natural consequence of Voitto working in medical while Alkkas skillset is more combat oriented. But today they were virtually inseparable. Realistically it just meant Alkka convinced (read- forced) Voitto to take a day off for once while they roamed base.

I know in my gut though that someone caught wind of it being their birthday and threw a small party that they didn't have much choice but to participate in. Sure, it drained their social batteries but it's fine. It's the thought that counts, after all, and it was a mini reminder that hey. They're in a better spot than they were 2-3 years ago. And ultimately that's what matters most. That they're still together and they've come far, despite the shitty hand they were dealt as kids.

[warborn-tragedy]

Having increased thoughts about my Shadow twins tonight, probably bc it's their birthday today (26 April).

They're turning 27 today and it's... Enlightening to put it simply. Neither Alkka nor Voitto are the best about actually remembering their birthday, but between the two of them someone will at least remember soon enough for them to plan something small, just for the two of them.

It's mostly due to the fact that, once upon a time, they weren't really sure that they were ever going to 'make it', convinced that a long lifespan wasn't in the cards for them. And that's not to say that 27 is old, far from it, it's just mind blowing to them just how far they've come. That just a few years ago they were still under their 'fathers' thumb and just. They really have come far all things considered.

No matter the issues they both have (and trust me, it's one hell of a survivors guilt they have, especially on Voitto's side), Alkka and Voitto are both immensely grateful that they've been allowed to make it this far, and that they've been able to do it together.

[warborn-tragedy]

what's your underlying motif? | "WOLF"

the dog

whether it’s the way you bare your teeth when backed in a corner, your loyalty, or your tendency to act on instinct, your reoccurring theme is the dog. like mitski said “i get mean when im nervous, like a bad dog” or how halsey said “i won’t smile but i’ll show you my teeth” even when migos said “dance with my dogs in the night time” the essence of the dog runs through you. you’re tough and a quick draw on the outside, but if we got down to it we’d see you’re acting the only way you’ve ever known how. it doesn’t make you bad, survival is natural, your loyalty and determination is commendable. i don’t blame you for the way you act when your back is against a wall, but please remember to not bite the hand that feeds.

[warborn-tragedy]

Dash got me thinking about Alkka again and just. How some days she really does feel more like a weapon or some sort of Creature than an actual living human being with a soul at times. It's one of those things that's a Major Tennant of her character. It's an Issue, yes, and one that's only exacerbated by her 'career', but one she won't ever speak on because of the implications. Because she's fought so hard to claim some sort of autonomous identity for herself