#study. 𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐋𝐄𝐃 𝐅𝐀𝐈𝐓𝐇𝐒

[devilmass]

𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐑𝐈𝐂𝐊 𝐏𝐀𝐆𝐄 (the preacher)

NAME. rodrick ignatius page AGE. 42 TITLE. preacher GENDER. he/him HEIGHT. 6'7" SEXUALITY. closeted homosexual SIGN: cancer MENTAL AILMENTS. guilt. cptsd. extreme anxiety. panic attacks. reoccurring major depression. seasonal depression. catatonia. late onset schizophrenia.

PHYSICAL. scars in the middle of both palms that go all the way through his hand from a botched crucifixion, muscle loss because of it and he struggles to hold things sometimes/has a running tremor when he's been over working his hand. chipped canine, broken leg that healed funny and causes him to over correct when he walks so his stride is much smaller in his right leg. bad back from being so tall. small, pale scars around his mouth from his accident with his grandfather at 7 and 11, but you likely wouldn't notice those unless he's in the sun or up close. scars along his ribs up to his shoulder's/along the backs of his thighs from the switch.

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE. rodrick is very much his daddy's son. his hair is always slicked back (until the heat and humidity hit) under a cowboy hat, he wears cowboy boots and a black pair of jeans to match his preaching shirt. rodrick only wears colors during special times of the year like lent or christmas and holidays. his boots are the most colorful thing about them as they range from nudie brand to boots with flames on them that amuse the children.

POSITIVE. humorous, charming, inviting, warm, gentle, great with kids, easily swayable, determined, loyal, funny, generous.

NEGATIVE. meek, coward, easily spooked, bit clingy, internalized shame that he carries everywhere, never makes the first move, goes through bouts of religious fever, drinks too much lemonade, naive.

FACECLAIM. hamish linklater

RESIDENCE. port eloise, louisiana

𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃

rodrick was taken from his mother shortly after birth. he was a bastard, as was his own father, and he would grow up without a female figure in his life.

from the ages of 1 to 5, rodrick was a fairly normal, if a little shy, child. his father was the preacher for the port eloise catholic church and he was often seen between the grave yard and the funeral home on the page property. when he was 6, the abuse from his grandfather started. his grandfather had been a mean man to begin with but with the sudden decline of his mental health, he'd begun to show a particular disdain for rodrick.

he was too soft. god would not accept such a soft soldier.

he'd tried to toughen rodrick up. from the age of 6, he was subjected to hours of rigorous bible study supplemented with physical punishment if his voice had wavered, if his vocabulary was weak; there was no end to the punishments that his grandfather had subjected him to if he deemed it necessary.

rodrick's father often turned a blind eye to the abuse. he was also weak. rodrick sr. had seen to it that both his son and his grandson bent over backwards if he willed it and the trauma from both their lives impacted son and father.

when rodrick was 11, his grandfather beat him so severely that he hospitalized him. his crime? talking back. he'd taken his sweet time in putting on the boots he'd use to break his grandson's ribs with and when rodrick's father found him, it had been two hours since the initial attack and he was crumpled inside the front door between the porch and the screen door. the doctor from the next county over tells him that he's lucky his son is still alive.

rodrick sr. was hospitalized, as was roddy, and a rigorous investigation had started with child protective services. from that day on, rodrick never set eyes on his grandfather ever again.

his boogeyman was gone, but the rest of his childhood is deeply affected by the abused he'd endured.

as an adult, rodrick tries to undo the damage his father and his grandfather had doled out on himself and the community. his efforts to repair the relationship between himself and god is still a great struggle and he often finds himself praying, sometimes up to twenty times per day to forgive and forget.

but he doesn't forgive and forgetting is easier said than done.

[devilmass]

something about roddy being sunshine-y but he's been embalming bodies since he was 13 and driving and smoking since 10. he's so soft but then he goes home and digs into bodies of people who were just at mass last week.

[devilmass]

roddy wouldn't be the cadillac preacher without a caddy 👏 inside the trunk is an alter for the virgin mary and storage for his host kit. it's a little rustier than these pictures, but the overall vibe is the same.

[devilmass]

roddy is so partner coded. he bakes pies and warms up leftovers for his visitors. he keeps knick knacks that remind him of his friends and the midnight calls never stop once he knows they're welcome. he's so stay outside the gas station so he can lean against the car and smile at you when you come outside coded. he's the "make sure you call me when you get home" type of person. call him when you get home. call him on holidays and on your lunch break, hell answer the call. he always does.

[devilmass]

roddy's the type of hugger to lift your muse off the ground and cradle their head into his chest. jsyk. so ur aware. and that also he will squeeze until ur muse informs him that he's squeezing too hard.

[devilmass]

the one problem with romancing rodrick is that he thinks everything is platonic due to his life time of celibacy so unless you back him into a corner and tell him what you're going to do he's going to be comically obtuse about it. the upside to rodrick's celibacy is that you really get all of his first's and you get to see the slow, mad - man - esque descent into sin where he goes a little crazy about it.

[devilmass]

THINGS YOUR MUSE WILL NOTICE ABOUT MINE !

⸻   WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE : the first thing you'll notice about rodrick is how tall he is. with the cowboy boots and the hat, he's nearly at 7 foot and his presence fills a room. the second thing you'll notice is how much black he wears. from his cowboy boots to his cowboy hat, he's in black. his jean's are black, his shirt is black. his clergy collar is the only splash of color on him. under all those clothes is a white wife beater and a pair of boxer brief's.

if you look closely, there are small detail's: his hands are scarred and his mouth has small, pink scarring around his lips. his belt buckle's are large and they're often found at flea market's so they're kooky. there's always a pack of smokes and a cowboy boot shaped lighter in his back pocket. his hat is black and his hair is the same color; he's got medium wavy hair, but in the heat it gets curlier. rodrick will wear brightly colored cowboy boots for special occasion's as well.

some noteable posts about rodrick's aesthetic: X X X X X X X

 ⸻   WHAT THEY SMELL LIKE : he smells like musk and incense at first sniff, but if you're close enough you'll also smell cigarette smoke and apple. if he's just shaved, there might be a smell of menthol. at the end of the day he smells a little bit more ripe but still very good.

 ⸻   WHAT THEY TASTE LIKE : if you're tasting his mouth, you'll most likely taste mint. if you're kissing him in the afternoon, he'll taste like lemon's but if you're kissing him in the morning he'll taste like coffee and vague hints of mint. if you're tasting his body, rodrick tastes like salt and balmy skin. he lives in a very humid climate and he's almost always a lil sweaty.

 ⸻   WHAT THEY SOUND LIKE : rodrick's louisiana drawl is probably the most charming part about him. if he's with other southern folk, his accent deepens. that being said, his voice is actually quite mellow and deep when he ain't preaching. if you're lucky, you'll get to hear him just before bed/after waking up when his voice is at it's deepest.

 ⸻   WHAT THEY FEEL LIKE : what you have to understand about rodrick is that he's a mortician in the 70's. he grew up digging graves and hauling bodies, so he's actually very athletic and if you were to grab, let's say his pectoral's, you'd get a handful of muscle. he's soft in the middle from age, but when he's standing up straight you can still feel the muscle. his arms and his calves carry the majority of muscle on his body so if you grabbed either of those area's you'd most likely get more than a handful of both. he's wiry, but rodrick is muscular under the small layer of fat he's acquired as he ages.

[devilmass]

if ur out with roddy u gotta put up with how often he stops and talks to randoms on the street or the people that serve him/make his food/drinks. he's just a chatty cathy, he likes to know what your mom is up to. 😌 he'll ask your name and actually remember it!

[devilmass]

when i think about rodrick succumbing to the same patterns and sickness that his father and grandfather have gone through despite doing everything he could to stop this very thing from happening. all his work for nothing. he's no different from the men that came before him and will be remembered by the community in the same light as his abusers.

[devilmass]

meta + rodrick's abuse

the morning of the accident felt all wrong. he wakes up and the air is different. it feels charged, fed full of vitriol before anything even happens. he remembers waking up in a heap, he recalls the silence of the big house and somewhere else, the sound of a hammer being used. the reluctance to leave his bed does not go away. even when he's dressed for the day, roddy is cognizant that something is coming; something big, something with teeth and nails and a mouth big enough to swallow him whole. perhaps this reluctance is what catalyzes the incident altogether. he often wonders what his life might be like if he'd just listened better. if he wasn't fixed on fighting his grandfather on everything.

it starts when the morning's bible study doesn't go to plan. he talks back, asks when's dad gonna be done ? because he's nothing if not his daddy's son, he wants to go outside and tend the land alongside him, wants to feel the warmth of his gaze just once before the parishioner's come. his grandfather answer's with a swift slap across his right cheek. it comes when his head turns back to the bible, when his eyes are distracted and he doesn't realize the creaking of the chair is his grandfather standing up. or maybe it starts when rodrick asks him, immediately after, is this how god wants you to treat your only grandson ? red cheeked and red - rimmed eyes from holding back his pain.

all he knows is that the look in his grandfather's eyes are unlike anything he's ever witnessed. a heady mix of hatred and an incurable iciness, one that rodrick will never inherit, pours across the kitchen between them. he thinks he's won. his grandfather leaves the kitchen silently and rodrick watches as he trudges upstairs without a word. rodrick's never come out on top in anything, much less with his grandfather, and the immediate presence of his guilt is proof of that. his stomach turns. he sits at the table for an hour, for two hours, before finally deciding to head upstairs to his bedroom. " rodrick ? " the sound of his grandfather's voice inspires a dread that could not be overstated. his rabbit heart jumps in his chest and rodrick dives under his bed, pushing himself so far in that he clings to the opposite wall, breathing hard, watching the doorway. his grandfather stands there, clad in his best cowboy boots with the metal spurs strapped to them.

sometimes rodrick imagines that nothing happened. when he thinks back on the empty spaces between seeing his grandfather's boots and waking up at the bottom of the stairs with his father standing over his body, several hours later rodrick tries to imagine that his grandfather's ire was not as bad as it might have been. that the broken bones mean little when his life is still intact.

he imagines that his dad intervenes just in time. that he picks him up and carries him to bed and washes the blood from his mouth with a warm cloth, just like he used to do with his drool.

but that's not what happens.

his father doesn't stop it. he only comes in, when the hour is late, and finds him crumpled up in a pile of his own blood; he doesn't stop to pick rodrick up. instead, he goes to the living room where his grandfather sits and asks him why -

why did you do that, daddy ? what did you do ? daddy -

he sounds like the child rodrick never knew him as.

the ambulance is called when his father tries to stand him up. rodrick crumples immediately, whimpering, falling into the same heap he was in before. his bloody mouth pukes up more blood, his smashed in teeth doing little to stop it from spraying everywhere.

when the paramedics come for him, rodrick remembers asking if his dad was going to be mad. in the hospital, with morphine running through his veins, rodrick only remembers bits and pieces: photos being taken of his body, strange lights passing overhead, a needle, two needles, and gauze being packed into his mouth. he remembers his clothes being cut off of him and a soft voice telling him that he's so brave.

in the weeks following the accident, rodrick's tally is given: two broken legs, a fractured shin, a broken humerus and several teeth were removed via surgery because they were incapable of being saved. he had a concussion and a numerous bruising that suggests he was given the belt more than once. his ribs and hips are bruised to all hell and he's given a brace when he walks because it makes walking torture.

social service doesn't allow rodrick visitors for the month their investigation spans, a cautionary consequence for the boy's worrying questions about both grandfather and father. when he is given permission to go home, it's under the assurance that rodrick sr. would never be allowed within 500 feet of rodrick and furthermore, would be hospitalized for the remainder of his life.

social services makes sure that rodrick goes to school. they give him needles that make him feel strange and warm and for the entirety of the following year, rodrick falls into a state of selective mutism. he stops talking, but he doesn't stop praying.

he never stops praying. he never sees his grandfather again.

[devilmass]

𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐃 𝐎𝐅 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 ?

LOVE AS RELIGION. devotion. that is the name of your love. your love is an act of worship. your love is like witnessing the birth of venus, like seeing the sun come alive or the stars fall. when you love, IT IS BECAUSE YOU HAVE FOUND GOD IN A LOVER. you have found the meaning of life itself in the heart of the one you adore. they are everything to you; they are your maker and you are their lamb, their flock, their shepherd; their first and holiest worshipper. when you fall in love, it is as a baptism. you are born anew, made a believer in the divinity of the one you love most. being loved by you is an ascension; it is holy and golden. it is all consuming and all faithful, as loyal as the dog. YOU WILL NEVER, EVER BITE BACK.

[devilmass]

I was a child.

[devilmass]

3. what are some features of others that attract them from the outset? / 8. what attire do they find others most attractive in? / 18. what is something they wish to try? why haven't they tried this yet?

𝐒𝐄𝐗𝐔𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒

what are some features of others that attract them from the outset?

masculinity & age. he doesn't enjoy the company of younger men. it might be his own father issue's, but rodrick just does not enjoy the idea of an age gap because he knows what the catholic church's reputation is, okay? he knows and he's staying away from that at all costs. he aint no cradle snatcher.

that being said the features that often attract him to a man: long hair, facial hair, smaller body type, a bit aggressive or loud mouthed. well, loud mouths in general. i don't know why he likes them feisty and feral looking, but he does. he's meansexual but on the other end of the spectrum rodrick is also very attracted to kindness and docile men because he sees himself in them (no pun intended, but by god that's good-).

what attire do they find others most attractive in?

definitely anything western or a church clothes. not casual, but certainly dressed up to be presentable in some type of way. he particularly enjoys the suited look, but without the blazer and the sleeves rolled up. maybe some sweat stains at the collar.

what is something they wish to try? why haven't they tried this yet?

top of the list is head but you didn't hear that from me. i really think he just needs to explore another man's body otherwise he'll never get out of the shy phase of being naked in any form. let him explore a bit.

he hasn't tried any of this yet because he's a goddamn man of the lord, okay! he's loyal!

[devilmass]

there's just something tragic about rodrick being in love with his deacon but never ever tells him and he goes to the grave with that confession never reaching god.