#supernatural is so weird. never makes sense. compels me tho

[corvidcas]

the filter they put on this show around season 7 is so kitschy like it’s so vibrant that it gives it a cheap, cartoony feel even tho this is supposed to be a Horror Show

[zhuhongs]

Since rewatching the guardian drama after reading the novel has made me mad about how bad and good both of them are I am Obligated to write out a list of what I think the perfect merger btw both versions of canon are. This will be in list format otherwise I’ll end up writing like 6k words again. 

TLDR: the genre stays as supernatural from the novel and not Sci fi, bc that was rlly not fleshed out well. Shen Wei is a ghost king, and all the dixingren are ghosts or demons like originally intended. The ghost race naturally exists and wasn't born from kunluns shoulder fire or anything. They just exist separate from humans. Not all ghosts are former humans, some people are just born as ghosts, like Shen Wei. Zhao Yunlan has the guardian whip and all the cool stuff that comes with the Guardian order.  Overall, i’d keep the novel’s plot and relationship progression and ending without the backstory. Instead the backstory is a merger of both canons. From the drama I’d keep the characterization and themes as well as like half the extra cases and omit the other half. 

I’ll be elaborating much further on my ideal backstory and other stuff under the cut bc the rest is 1.5k and I don’t wanna clog the dash 

Okay SO In my ideal backstory there are two timelines just like the drama but the mythology of the book. The god Kunlun is actually zyl that went back in time and became a god. But the one that went back isn’t the current Zhao Yunlan. There has to be an original timeline where the god Kunlun never existed. Thus the great seal nor the separation of the three realms don’t exist either. Zhao Yunlan must go back in time to become a god, meet Shen Wei in the past, and create the current timeline where the separation exists but isn’t perfect. The current timeline is the one that the majority of the series takes place in.

In the original timeline, Zhao Yunlan is just some dude living in a world where ghosts, fairies, and all other beings just live in a giant free for all and it's kinda just a mess. 

Like there’s government in modern context and all and all races live with each other but there's constant tension. ZYL works at some equivalent of the SID (same staff and side characters, but novel vers. Lin Jing is a monk, CSZ a zombie, etc) to protect people and all that and their job is rather hard. One day encounters the thousands year old ghost king Wei (who isnt shen wei yet bc zyl gave him that name in the future) who works alone as like a rouge cultivator of sorts. He lives on the surface undercover as a professor still bc he’s trying to not catch Yezun’s attention but does all the stuff he normally does as Heipaoshi. The two ally together for a case and bc they both have the same goals of getting all races to live in peace. At current, there are forces working together to decimate the human race, all lead by Yezun

As they work together they become closer and all that. Shen Wei tells him about how he was unable to prevent the great war 5 thousand years ago and neither could the gods so  he’s spent the past 5 thousand years trying to make up for it. As they search for ways to stop Yezun, they gather the 4 hallows and learn how to use them to manipulate time so ZYL can go into the past and stop the great war and separate the three realms (living, dead, ghost).  Shen Wei wants to go back with him but he can’t because he was alive all those years ago so if he goes back it will create a paradox. ZYL promises he’ll find Shen Wei in the past and create a timeline where they could be together in peace (that is the current timeline)

When goes back he becomes the god kunlun because there needed to be a new god born at the time to prevent the war.  Also this time traveller looked promising to Nuwa, Fuxi, and Shennong. And I know in the guardian universe gods are usually born and ppl don’t become gods. EXCEPT this can happen when a god passes on smth from their body onto them bc that did happen in the novel with Kunlun making shen wei a demigod. And since fu you and ma gui are supposed to be gods Nu Wa and Fuxi I think that when they die, they should make ZYL a god and that's how this stuff happens.

So like ZYL explains to the gods the time he came from and how he wants to save everything and they make him a god and he works to save everything just like he did in the drama but this time with the novel plotline. During this time he meets young Shen Wei (he’s still like a hundred or so years old) and they get close and all the stuff from the backstory happens. He gives him his name, all that good stuff. The entire time doesn’t let him know that he’s from the future or that his real name is ZYL. He just poses as kunlun. 

The two of them alongside the other gods (who still die at the times they do in the novel) work together to end the war and establish the great seal and set up the cycle of reincarnation, per the current timeline. Although the seal and cycle of reincarnation aren’t perfect. Gods can’t reincarnate, and ghosts still don’t have souls. And just like the novel, doing all of this kills ZYL bc it takes a lot of energy to create the seal even though it isn’t perfect.

Shen Wei of course doesn’t want ZYL to die and zyl says it's alright because he fixed the timeline so there must One day they will meet again and ZYL reveals the truth about the timeline to shen wei before he dies. This becomes the promise that Shen Wei mentions to meet again. Before he dies, ZYL gives him the shoulder fire as a memento ( i still like the candy wrapper necklace deal but i’ll take this too. Maybe both.. The pendant is still just rlly cool.. Gay ppl)

Shen Wei knows gods can’t enter the cycle of reincarnation and still makes the deal with Shennong to strip Kunlun of his godhood and let him reincarnate. This sets us into the novel timeline where isn’t allowed to meet any of zyl’s reincarnations before he becomes zyl otherwise he will die and also fuck up the timeline. The same 5 thousand years of pining still ensue bc Gay Ppl and i love making Shen Wei suffer but he doesn’t have the shrine room thing bc i think thats weird and yea.. Bad. 

In the meantime Shen Wei does a lot of things mostly just protecting the great seal and working for Hell to keep the peace but still does other stuff. He still watches out for ZYL’s reincarnations but doesn’t do much besides make sure they don’t die a premature death. They meet again finally at the beginning of the series and the timeline resumes like canon. And that's my master plan that merges both drama logic and novel logic while making a much better timeline. (I hope that makes some sense)

Da Qing is still Kunlun’s pet cat and important. Novel backstory applies to him. And I already mentioned him kinda but as for Yezun (Gui Mian in the novel) his deal is similar as in the drama but just a ghost. And he is a big player in the great war, he thought Shen Wei abandoned him as a kid but they were just separated. Shen Wei doesn’t know it's him till the end of the war and couldn’t stop him in the OG timeline and vows to bring him to justice and make amends. Shen Wei continuously tries to explain things to him but he just won’t listen and is imprisoned in hell bc yk… war criminal stuff and yeah he’s the main antagonist trying to break the great seal bc he’s still made about the past. Idk. Yezun wasn’t well written in the novel OR the drama so like… honestly he just needs to be completely rewritten and I don’t care enough about that. He can just be a weak villain idk

the drama characterization stays the same for everyone else bc found family go brr. However for Lao Chu i… hmm… i think he should still be a zombie but the reason he killed someone should be related to his brother. I like that addition and then shen wei realized his sentence was unjust and exempted him. i like that storyline merger. bc the brother thing and him admiring Heipaoshi was drama only. in the novel lao chu just murdered some kid for a rlly whatever reason.

uhhh in terms of the cases… id make adjustments to most of them. i think the li qian case should be like the drama bc the novel just had her as a murderer and it was boring. 

For the mountain river awl one was fine… novel version was funnier and more interesting action wise tbh… rip zyl and his exorbitant flirting. uhhh the whole reveal that shen wei was the soul reaper thing was kinda… ehh in the novel but i did love the comedy of afterwards Shen Wei pretending he went into cardiac arrest when he actually just… has no pulse bc he's a ghost. 

ID KEEP THE WORTH IT SCENE AND RAIN SCENE… THOSE FUCK SO HARD… I love the drama for adding those every damn day. the novel version of zyl losing his sight sucked and was sooo boring.  Keep the drama version on that.

also id keep dr. cheng. i'm very pro dr. cheng and her friendship with shen wei it adds so much to his character imo. keep the fruit seller man and his wife for the merit brush..omg it adds SO MUCH the way the drama did it.. like the drams build up with the novels pace of that arc.. mwah. it felt like it dragged a bit in the drama but if it went faster and without the hospital ep and with sha ya (sorry sha ya) that would've been so good. tho keep novel version of da qings memory loss and lao li. that was rlly impactful.

id say keep some of the cases like the mirror one, the eyes doctor one, etc. just to like.. yk have more to fill in general.. novel pacing but drama characterization without the bs that wasn't fully realized. and novel ending ofc. And that’s it!!

I hope most of this makes some amount of sense  but it probably doesn’t. In my head it all tracks but like ik most of u don’t know anything about the novel so this sounds like gibberish. Also I know this would literally never happen but this is MY ideal merger of the two canons that I feel compelled to expand on for some reason. Anyways, as io said,, we need to rebuild guardian. Like literally let me and the mutuals write Guardian and it will be 500 times better.

[allthefilmsiveseenforfree]

Candyman (1992)

All I know about Candyman is that I saw the movie cover innumerable times at Blockbuster as a child and it ALWAYS freaked me out. I think bees are involved? And a hook, and maybe a mirror? And the great Tony Todd, whom I know better from the Final Destination films, and whose voice is one of the all-time great voices in horror or anywhere else. With the new Jordan Peele-produced Candyman coming out this year (maybe...if, you know, movies ever come out again during the apocalypse), I wanted to watch the original for the first time, so I’d have an idea of what I was getting into. 

Basically a couple of grad students, Helen and Bernadette (Virginia Madsen and Kasi Lemmons), are studying local urban legends and folklore in Chicago when they find out about the legend of Candyman (Tony Todd), a murderous spirit that haunts the projects in Cabrini Green and the poor black folks who live there. As Helen digs deeper into the mystery, strange things start happening to her until she finally is forced to confront Candyman face-to-face and then things REALLY go off the rails. So is this a slasher movie filled with racial tension, the precursor to more cerebral horror fare like Get Out or Midsommar? Or is this more Eddie Murphy Vampire in Brooklyn 90s ridiculousness? Well...

Much more the former than the latter. There’s a lot of stuff going on here, and not all the ingredients in the smoothie work well together. There’s a lot of good - strong performances, some great set pieces, and some truly tense, nerve-wracking sequences. My 7-year-old self was definitely right to be super freaked out by that VHS cover.

Some thoughts:

Ok this Philip Glass soundtrack is already really unsettling and weird in a great way. It turns out the soundtrack is one of the elements that really makes this film memorable and stand out from typical slasher schlock.

Ah, it’s based on a story by Clive Barker, ok so this is gonna be violent and sexual and uncomfortable, got it. [Ed. note: this assessment was pretty accurate.]

I don’t understand in what universe you want to like, play a Bloody Mary type game when you’re about to have sex. Is that what turns some people on? I’m not here to kinkshame anyone, but I just feel like there are other ways to court a bit of danger during sex that don’t involve invoking a murderous mirror spirit. 

I am loving these oversized sweaters. Was any decade better for oversized sweaters than the 90s?

The set design is really incredible - this derelict building in the Cabrini Green projects is eerie, there’s an oppressive presence and an abandoned feeling to it all at the same time. And Wife pointed out that man, people really loved painting walls pink in the 90s, you just don’t see that kind of pink anymore. This movie has a really rich feel to it, like all the decisions were made with real craft and care. I can definitely see how this had ripple effects on other atmospheric horror, especially in urban settings, later down the road.

I can’t help but feel like our white woman protagonist is a tourist in a world she doesn’t understand. That sense of not belonging is a big part of the horror here, and at first I was very uncomfortable that this was playing into racist stereotypes of the young blonde white woman being threatened by all the big bad black people. But instead, the film humanizes and offers an air of protectiveness over the residents of Cabrini Green, and in many ways it is Helen who is shown to be the dangerous and harmful outsider.

The jump scares are real, and very effective.

Um what grad student has business cards tho, c’mon now.

Ah yes, the Clive Barker of it all arriving right on time with this completely unasked for child mutilation. 

I love Jake (DeJuan Guy) and his incredulousness. He’s a pretty fantastic and emotive child actor. 

Can I just say, Helen is really really out of Trevor’s (Xander Berkeley) league. I don't know what she sees in him. And it skeeves me out that he’s a professor and she’s a grad student because, although it’s never explicitly spelled out, I would bet a million dollars that she was his student. 

Man, Candyman looking fly as hell with that fur trimmed coat and those shiny black shoes. “Be my victim” ok, Tony Todd, ok, I’m on board!

OH NO THERE IS GRAPHIC VIOLENCE TO A DOG. IT’S VERY GRAPHIC AND SUDDEN AND UPSETTING EVEN THOUGH IT’S FAKE LOOKING.

There’s also a lot of tasteful sideboob if you’re into that sort of thing.

You know, grad school was a stressful time for me, but at least I can say I was never woke up covered in blood and was accused of murder. 

This dramatic motherfucker flying out the window backwards. Between this and the outfit, Candyman is extra AF.

I can’t get over how much Virginia Madsen resembles Gillian Anderson in early X-Files days. It’s similar facial structure and those big eyes, sure, but a lot of it is this hair as well. As any millenial lesbian can tell you, Gillian Anderson in early X-Files days was Very Important to our cause, so uh, I’m pretty into Helen’s whole vibe honestly. 

At first I thought this was going to be about racial symbolism and Candyman being a physical embodiment of the horrors inflicted upon the black community in urban environments, but thigs get muddy with this whole murder plot and framing of Helen as this victim of some supernatural conspiracy theory, and I’m not really sure what I’m supposed to take from it? But damn, this is compelling and stressful. 

OK but if she’s been in the hospital for a month, then this baby has been in this dirty ass room for a month with only a dramatic hook spectre man taking care of him? What did he feed baby Anthony?? I happen to know that he’s covered in bees and babies can’t eat honey. 

Why do they have a giant paperclip on their wall as decoration?

The actor who plays Trevor, Xander Berkeley, is so burned in my memory as the foster dad from Terminator 2 that I keep expecting him to make the same dumb face while he’s covered in blood (because let’s face it, I’m expecting EVERYONE to die in this movie, and he’s been particularly shitty) and ope time almost ran out but there it is! 1991/1992 were the glory days for this guy dying bloody in movies. 

Did I Cry? No, but I was VERY distressed about that dog :(

Overall, I can definitely see why this has entered the cult classic pantheon. Strong central performances from Virginia Madsen and Tony Todd carry a lot of this film, but there are elements that I’m still confused about, mainly due to a muddled and overstuffed plot. The racial injustice and lynching feels like rich material to draw from but then why is the belief in Candyman yielding the murders of other black people living in Cabrini Green? I would think the vengeance would be on the heads of the folks who actually did the lynching. Why did he have to kidnap the baby? Was it for leverage to get Helen to do what he wanted? Surely someone she had a stronger personal connection to - Bernadette, probably - would have been a wiser choice? And if, instead, this is all some Dracula-esque plot to reconnect with the reincarnated spirit of his long lost love, what on earth was all this other bullshit about? It’s a movie that works best when you don’t ask too many questions about it, and the soundtrack and visuals - especially that mouthful of bees - are ones that are going to stick in my memory for a long time. 

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[itsswimmingtragedycollection]

The Dumpster Fire that is ‘The Order’

First of all, why is his show labeled as a horror? My humble guess is that it was intended for younger audiences?? I genuinely wanna know. Because, even if it was for teens, some blood and a few dead bodies does not a horror make.  Secondly, what the fuck? And I truly mean that.  I mean, the idea itself doesn’t sound bad at all. A college student joins a secret society and finds out his supposedly evil dad is the head of it? He’s also in a werewolf club that fights that same secret society? Sign me tf up. But the execution just takes a really weird turn.  From the get go, you kinda aren’t sure if the show wants to be takes seriously or not. And that question is never answered. Literally in the opening scene the letter changes from ‘we regret to inform you’ to ‘congratulations’ in front of Jack’s eyes and he has absolutely no reaction whatsoever to that peculiar development, which kind of screams ‘not to be taken seriously’ similarly to the whole ‘My evil dad killed my mom so naturally I’m gonna join a secret society, become someone important and powerful and eventually use that power to fight him.’ Who on earth plots a revenge along those lines? But then a second later, the plot falls back in the supernatural drama category.  To top it all off there’s a whole lot of ‘woke humor’ which most of the time comes across as cringe worthy edginess we’re all happy we outgrew after HS.  But, even if you could somehow get pas the not-so-subtle jumps from complete absurdity to realism, there’s nothing else to hold on to. No character, no relationship, no plot line we’re offered is strong enough to pull us in.  In fact. one of the most annoying things about The Order is that basically no character has a personality. I am 8 episodes deep (and I don’t intend to finish it because that’s how boring it is) and I still don’t know anything substantial about anyone. And can we take a second to just look at Jake’s relationship with Alyssa? What even is that? Are they flirting are they not, does he really like her or is she a means to an end, is she into him or his dad, why are they kissing and why does it look so uncomfortable, did they just cast two people with the least chemistry on purpose or is bad writing/directing? So many questions. If we draw a parallel between Jack’s progress with her and him being on board with the wolves, it makes even less sense. He needs how many episodes to decide to try and kiss her, but when it comes to dedicating your whole life to fighting bad magic, you go from ‘no way, you’re all insane, you made me kill an innocent man’ to ‘I pledge my life to the cause’ within two seconds.   Speaking of things that make no sense, I have to mention Jack’s ‘friendship’ with Amir. Don’t get me wrong, I get that we meet people and think to ourselves how that could grow into a beautiful friendship, but acting as if someone you just met is really your friend, and that odd flashback to like one beer they shared, when Amir was found dead, is just... I don’t even know what to say.  The Order as an organization is equally puzzling. Who are they? Why are they? What’s the purpose, what’s the goal, the mission? I can’t settle for just a group of magic users who follow strict hierarchies but kinda all look out for themselves and don’t really like each other that much. And occasionally sacrifice goats. And change people’s memories.(And they can revive a golem and ask it who made it, but the fact that Jack, who found out about magic like yesterday, sabotaged their spell somehow goes right over their magical heads. ) But essentially it’s for the good of the whole wide world.????????????? And the masks are what makes me think an 8yo came up with the whole concept.  If you thought the werewolf knights are any less confusing, think again. They hear noises when ‘bad magic’ happens and solve it by killing anything that moves. Heroes. Also, how do they know what they are supposed to do if they refuse to read anything? I mean, that’s not how a secret society, since that’s more or less what they are, works. Someone has to tell you, show you, teach you. Sure, you have the wolves inside you, but if you don’t know they speak a certain language, it’s fairly certain you don’t know a whole lot. And why is there only four of you? How can four knights take down an organization as big as The Order? Especially since their preferred method is violent murder, something that is not very subtle and does not go unnoticed for long, which basically ensures the rage of the entire Order falling on their heads before they even begin their so called mission. Once again: ????????????????? And what even does ‘bad magic’ mean? The term is so vague and abstract that I have a hard time understanding how can you form an organization that fights something barely defined. All magic can potentially be bad magic. What are the guidelines here? Help me comprehend.  The show also has a very odd relationship towards death. One can sort of ‘forgive’ the wizards and the wolves for being chill about it, but if someone was targeting and butchering people on your campus, wouldn’t you be at least a bit worried? We don’t see any students panicking, we saw one police officer, there were no measures taken by the college, unless you count turning Amir’s death into a bike accident. And just when you start getting used to being casual about it, Jack has a whole meltdown over killing someone the first time he turned. And then also his professor. But even that meltdown is not very convincing, since most of what he does is just screaming ‘I KILLED AN INNOCENT MAN!!!’ into the void, without a much deeper attempt to deal with that. Which is why I don’t get why the show even made an issue out of it.  I also don’t get Jack’s grandpa. Like not even a little bit. Because if you think about it, it’s not * that * unimaginable that a little boy would come up with the idea of joining a secret society to avenge his mother’s death, but it is * very * odd to imagine an old ass grown up who not only thinks it’s a good idea to direct your whole young life towards revenge, but encourages it to a point of making a detailed plan on how to do that, and basically spends your entire childhood grooming you to become a little rage fueled bundle of psychological damage. All of this is only scratching the surface of the mess that is The fucking Order, because the show is a giant entangled coil of nonsense and I barely knew where to start. It’s fair to say that the biggest buzzkill is failure to pick a direction and stick with it. You don’t have to look that close to see some of the influences. The biggest one being, obviously, The Magicians, followed by some Teen Wolf, there’s even elements from Scream Queens, a bit of Buffy, a pinch of the Craft, etc. Almost like someone decided to look up successful shows in the supernatural/fantasy/horror genre and just smash them all up together in hopes of making something appealing to the largest audience possible. Personally, as a * very big * fan of before mentioned The Magicians, I get the feeling that Netflix wanted to make something that could rival it, but better. Because TM is, dare I say so, one of the best, if not the best, shows of the decade. I honestly have not seen anything like it, that has the same platform, in literally a decade. If you have, please let me know. 

Whit the BDE, edgy, but in a good way, humor, strong political views, strong female characters, fun twist and turns that actually do manage to mix absurd with normal life in a magical, no pun intended, way, sexuality representation, but not in a ‘we just want to please the gays so they give us the views’ way, great male characters we wish we saw more of, compelling character development and so on. Tho the most likable aspect of the series is probably the take on overdone story lines, where they twist the narrative just enough for it to become actually relatable. We all are tired of super special chosen ones who save the world because they are soo special and specially chosen by gods to save the world and all the dumb boring unspecial people with their pure hearts and strong characters. And also find true love.  You see attempts at this within The Order on every turn, except that it doesn’t work nearly as well for them, precisely because they went for that AND MORE. More wouldn’t even be a bad thing if it was’t so all over the place that it just comes off as ‘WE WANT EVERYONE TO LIKE THIS, GIVE US ALL THE VIEWS, ALL OF THEM.’ I am very much inclined to think this is what happened, considering other stuff Netflix has put out there. (Mostly referring to endlessly stupid shit like YOU, which only has the intention of being controversial and attention grabbing, for the views. Tho they do have some fun shit too, don’t get me wrong.) So I guess what I’m trying to say is,  the though of making something like TM, is not a bad one,  I’m all for it, but you actually have to put a shit ton more imagination into it if you want it to work out. But that’s just my opinion.   

[zalrb]

TVD 2x20 Review

1. “No, Bonnie can’t break the curse without dying.” “I’ll write her a great eulogy!” I won’t lie, I did like Ian’s delivery here but also, Elena’s  “It’s not an option, Damon.” is like, you’re like super chill with how much he wants to kill your best friend. Legitimately, there should be a moment where she snaps and is like OK ENOUGH or he shouldn’t be a part of the conversation at all. It’s weird that they’re even letting him have a say about this. I get why Stefan would because as he said, his love for Elena is what keeps him protecting her and he wants all the protection for Elena he can get and he keeps Damon in his lane when it comes to Bonnie, but Elena should be a lot more outraged than she is.

2. So guys, if Elijah has an elixir made by witches that is supposed to bring Elena back to life, maybe have Bonnie look at the elixir?

3. “The ring only works on humans, the doppelganger is a supernatural occurrence...” but Elena is human, though, she is a human doppelganger, that’s bad dialogue, it should just be “The ring only works on non-supernatural humans.”

4. "What do you want me to do, Damon, Elena made her choice!” He wants you to disregard it and put your own feelings above hers, Stefan.

5. Matt and Caroline were super cute. Seriously.

6. “She’s not the same, she’s a vampire.” “At this point, I don’t even know what that means”. Exactly, though. They’re SO bad at differentiating.

7. “Damon is the problem, not Caroline. We should focus on him.” I mean seriously, though. Killing Damon would legit solve so many problems.

8. It also makes no sense that Elena would go upstairs to find Damon. HE KILLED YOUR BROTHER AFTER TRYING TO FORCE HIMSELF ON YOU. How much time has gone by since then? A month? Two? And you’re just OK?

9. Nina legit looks super young in comparison to Ian.

10. “I can’t lose you.” “You won’t.” He should though.

11. And then he force feeds you his blood. Kind of like how you said “I care about you” and then he killed Jeremy because it wasn’t exactly what he wanted. When things don’t go his way, he enacts violence on Elena through violation and we just NEVER talk about it.

12. This fight between Damon and Stefan is so telling because Stefan is winning and Damon is a little bitch about it and STABS him. Also, legitimately, they’re two vampires fighting, there should be cracked walls and floors from all the force.

13. I also love how focused on each other Stefan and Elena are. Like Elena’s just been forced to drink vampire blood but Stefan has a stab wound so she’s focused on comforting him and getting him better, Stefan is in a lot of physical pain but Elena’s been forced to drink vampire blood so he’s focused on apologizing for what happened to her.

14. Oooooh quasi-topless Stefan scene. Also, super subtle but cute that Elena’s hand is on his leg.

15. Jenna and Alaric, oh how I do not care.

16. Also Stefan always gets Elena to do a little smile.

17. Aw, charged glances between Tyler and Caroline. Great chemistry.

18. “I screwed up.” Oh, Damon, tattoo it on your forehead.

19. Joseph was super skinny.

20. “Thanks for the loner, mate.” LMAO. What a dickish thing to say to the dude whose body you possessed.

21. I love how DE fans/Damon fans try to say that Damon saved Tyler’s life this episode and therefore that shows growth when actually what happened was that he wanted to take “the werewolf” out of the equation for the ritual to postpone it so the vampire blood could pass out of Elena’s system and she wouldn’t spend an eternity hating him.

22. See, this is how you challenge someone. Stefan doesn’t push Elena to talk but he gives her the space and the time by climbing up a waterfall, he makes her feel safe but he also pushes her to be vulnerable through the climb itself.

23. I don’t get this. Damon advances on Katherine and she backs away like “hey, hey, hey” why though, you’re not weakened, you’re just compelled by Klaus so you could easily defend yourself against Damon, he is a BABY vampire. It’s always so transparent when the writers try to make someone seem more menacing and/or powerful than the narrative states they are.

24. “Those witches vervained me.” Caroline, should you not be drinking vervain everyday? Being a vampire in this town?

25. “Tyler, you shouldn’t have come back here.” No shit, Caroline, he’s chained up across from you.

26. “What’s the worst part of becoming a vampire?” “You know the worst.” “Besides from the blood.” But Damon taught Elena the worst parts of being a vampire tho.

27. Klaus keeping Katherine around makes no sense.

28. Klaus, you’re not holding the coffee mug but its handle so it doesn’t look as menacing as it should.

29. Why wouldn’t the witch just stake Damon? Lol.

30. Damon, was it really necessary to knock Matt unconscious?

31. “But our future, our lives together...” legit, Elena did think about a future with Stefan, she just didn’t have everything mapped out at 17 which is understandable and realistic. Her awareness of that would be more realistic if they made her breakdown more realistic and not related specifically to the possibility of her becoming a vampire and about the entire situation in general.

32.  Yeah, Nina’s crying is acceptable.

33. LOL OK, let me see if I got this straight, the sun was up when Damon is in the cellar rescuing Caroline and Tyler and he stops and tells Tyler “don’t make me regret this.” Cut to Elena and Stefan and the sun is setting during their talk. Cut back to Damon and the others and they’re JUST getting out of the tomb and it’s night with a full moon??? CONVENIENT. How fucking LONG does it take to get out of the tomb?

34. It also doesn’t make sense for everyone to go help Tyler chain himself up. Matt is a human, Caroline should’ve taken him home or Damon should’ve taken him home.

35. Aww, the Stelena love cue playing during their goodbye scene.

36. And still a much more moving goodbye than the Steroline goodbye in 8x16.

37. I also love that Elena smiles when Stefan says he loves her despite going to her “death”.

38. “I’ll take care of it.” Will you, though? 

39. It also makes no sense that they all watch Tyler transition, they could’ve run, it’s not insensitive, he could kill them. They just wanted Damon to get bit.

40. “What is this, Damon?” “A werewolf bite.” DUN DUN DUN.

[lucyferthecatx]

hey, kid !! wanna see some dank plots ??

 this is, quite frankly, the worst title but plots !! and i found kakaotalk gif icons !! i am ecstatic right now

  - lorna facilier -

+ maybe more exes or something + let her fall in love!! and then fall out of it!!! i want that guilt!! + oR can she pls fall in love with someone and she thinks it’s gonna be okay cause neither of them are in it for the long haul but then suddenly she IS and they ARENT and she’s sad + eventually give her that fairytale romance she’s always wanted

  - ursa pines -

+ oh my god i want someone to steal her journal + a hunter or something??? and they literally use her life’s work for the exact opposite of what she wanted it to be used

  - nigahayami takako -

+ she needs friends cause i wanna make sure someone cares if she dies + someone gotta be there to stop me from killing her

  - lulu butterfly -

+ all i want is to have someone bully him cause idek how he’d react at this point + it’s either full sass or straight up fist cuffing with someone + he might even be a sad boi about it who knows not me

  - marcellus carabosse -

+ honestly idek what he’s doing anymore he’s just supportive big brother + only supportive in secret tho + he tends to look like he’s looming and glooming give him a smol to make him smile

  - cassandra la bouff -

+ can she have a crush pls where she’s just??? i’ve never had this before let me just shower them in presents + Gay Panic maybe where she’s just like HI I LIKE YOU HERE IS EVERYTHING MONEY CAN BUY + actual panic when someone uses magic near her cause ya girl got PTSD

  - reyna ego - 

+ she killed someone can someone call her out on it + she didnt mean to do it??? there’s a para for it but it’s not done + ooh what if she went to court for it??? + isle kids are scury !! much danger !!

  - wyatt o’neil -

+ collabs!!! with literally anyone!!! + someone point out that the main ship on the vlogs is her and rita

  - gwendolyn bandersnatch -

+ nurse bandy!! + can someone have a crush on her??? and they keep finding excuses to go to the health room so she can patch them up??? + she doesn’t even notice she just gets progressively more worried about their well being and increasingly more protective + like !!! friend !! take better care of your health please !!! and the other person is like why when i have you to patch me up?? and bandy is just !!!! no !!! thats not healthy pls!!!

  - nudge chulanont -

+ i have nothing for him he’s just not ice skating and being gay

  -  teuila kahiki - 

+ idek what she’s doing okay just chilling with her flowers and being gay + oHH what if someone stole her heart as a prank??? + full lava monster oooooohhhhhh

  - uma blackwell -

+ * cough cough kill her cough cough *

  - kevin the third -

+ please someone fight him + i just want to see him get into a fistcuff with someone + also want him to have a radio show or something where he’s like not the most talkative person but he just has a nice indie alternative station that he plays his playlist on

  - bash cipher -

+ somehow let them bodyjump ??? + they’re super op tbh so like i really don’t know what to do with them anymore + let them steal a bunch of bodies and go wild + oooh wait someone start a cult for them or something. maybe sacrifice something to them for a favor!! they’ll think it’s funny

  - blanche grimhilde -

+ i lowkey want her to completely rob someone + get close to someone and then steals everything from their home + not get caught tho?? + she’s lowkey a baddie but i want a happy ending for her give the girl a crown

  - nessa st. north - 

+ someone take her near kids + help her find a girl scout’s troop or something + she just wants to spend time with babies and shower them with gifts

  - mikhail romanov -

+ someone come by his cafe + idek he’s just a gentleman so maybe someone can fall for him and he’s just too polite to say no?? + i honestly have no idea i just like writing his accent

  - phil coulson jr. -

+ i forgot to write anything for him + he’s just here being an older brother.....doing babyvengers damage control......just wants to keep track of all his enhanced children

  - etta lahiffe -

+ she is lowkey party girl cause she djs and she sings + can she like??? sing at someone at a performance and lowkey gets super into it and now she’s just hoping they come to the next show + or give me fucked up party relationship pls i have a need

- tiramisu candlehead -

+ Gay Disaster idek what she’s doing + give me party relationships okay like hey we hooked up at this party and now we’re partners in this project ayyyy + or we hooked up at this party and turns out you’re my roommate + awkward one night stands pls

   - alec levefre -

+ CURSES!!! + be a dick and then have alec have to curse you until you learn your lesson + or let him have a crush where he’s just a vague idiot and sits there and makes them little trinkets + sends little metal birds that sing cute songs + he’ll curse someone for them

  - aristotle tesia -

+ please someone flirt with him and watch him just blink awkwardly + he is the literal embodiment of platonic love + wanna be friends with someone??? he’s your dude!! don’t ask him to set you up with anyone cause he literally only knows compatibility on the basis of great friendships

  - rhiannon thropp -

+ ask her to show you some magic tricks + she will put on an entire production for you + can she have like a rival of sorts?? idek she’s just super competitive + she wants to be better than the wizard of oz and she uses magic to incorporate it

  - bellamy doone -

+ THE RINGING OF THE BELLS COMPEL YOU + can he try to eat someone?? he’s literally possessed and he eats people

- anya dezerta - 

+ she’s like the weird desert bird lady version of charon so she typically helps the dead passover but she also interacts with the living + she can sense when people are close to death + she also has a mailbox that she sets up outside her dorm!! if she’s able, she delivers letters to lost loved ones in the afterlife so like?? if any character needs closure?? she can help

  - luca pantazis -

+ okay but i highkey want some student to have a crush on him + cause he’s an Adult and i really want someone to just come in and get something pierced or something just because they thought he was cute + i forget who else wanted to be flower shop babs but uhhh?? flower shop meet cute??? cause he’s always there looking for references for flower tattoos??? yes pLS

   - sensuo nana -

+ literal embodiment of war + she loves to cause conflict around her?? just somehow knows the exact thing to do to start an full out battle + if you want to start shit, she’s your girl cause she thrives on that drama

   - emil sama -

+ schools are for hooooomans!! + the prejudiced pureblood asshole we dont need but im giving to us anyway + pureblood as in he has a very special hatred for anyone he doesn’t consider supernatural of sorts. humans are the worst + he’s an asshole just hmu if you need a discriminatory fuckboi asshole in your life

[themanicgalaxy]

SPN 5X9 the Real Ghostbusters

...oh mORE META?

oh HELL YEAH Actually this might not be good, but let's do this

oh yeah never mind this is going to be a mess

the bb flashbacks tho, they were so small

Chuck...said come...uh oh

B E CK Y

nope nope I'm muting this oh my goD KILL ME

he's..is Chuck dating Becky

nothing makes sense anymore

the leather jacket again? oh?

...hey wasn't last episode also emotionally raw?

also cuz the jacket is recognizable I think

the FUCKING SCARECROW FROM SEASON 1??

thEIR REACTIONS TO THE MERCHANDISE LMAOOO

theY'RE SO TALL COMPARED TO HER

I cannot believe that they just said "frightened little boy(Dean)" and "the homoerotic subtext of supernatural" what the FUCK WAS GOING ON HERE

listen I wasn't in the fandom then I don't know what's happening what is happening what the fuck

great so God's a terrible public speaker

nothin makes sense anymore

"Where'd you come up with the characters" *stares directly at Sam and Dean*

their technique is getting critiqued lmaO

Sam's like "fair enough," Dean's taking it personally

Becky what the fuck

"Dean goes to hell what happens"

Dean in the back of the auditorium: wow I SURE WONDER

dang now I want a yellow eyed cooler

God is actively trying to date a Samgirl

I...just...typed that what the fuck

"I'm not a good writer" THEY FUCKING WARNED US

ah they're roleplaying I see ok

"who gave you the right to our life story" and "our lives aren't for public consumption" are raw ass fucking lines tho

aw Dean doesn't know what LARPing is yet

they got the badges too with the stupidfucking FBI agent names

oh god they actually show up

oh my god it's a Tulsa isn't it

B L A I R WALDORF?

oh it wasn't her

it doesn't work cuz they think it's them

I think they should lose a look alike contest I think that would be funny

oh it's...actually authentic oops

lmao he said the actual thing oh my gOD

oh god they think it's part of the game but GUYS IT'S NOT

the role-play hurts me

no NO THOSE ARE ACTUAL CLUES OH MY GOD

hey I have a shirt the same color and pattern as Sam's

god this kid is actually terrifying, as is this episode

Becky what the fuck

ah Dean has the parental issues ok

ah and they found the other guys

thEY MAKE SAM AND DEAN BE RUFUS AND BOBBY AHAHHAAHAH

yeah fuckers have fun getting therapized by NERDS

"why choose to be us" oh gOD THAT'S HIS DAMAGE WAIT

"Their pain is not for your enjoyment" :(

Sam saying he takes it seriously oh my GOD AHAHA

hey wait in the meta plot line does that mean the fans like the character versions and not the writers? Is that how that works?

wow I just cannot tell what is happening anymore

ah he takes the Dean Shot that's neat

"we read the books" LMAO

"and screw you very much" LMAOOO

ah it's the lady

ah jeez not the kid

wait who did it? the kids??

oh good it is the other kids

the mom was trying to protect him

"invasive questions" seriously

the angels lmAO

'lapping" dean

oh they were only scared of Letiticia and the...larpers

oh that's so neat

"we got to do something, even if we're terrified"

the story gives them strength aw

I'm so sad they stopped making him say sweetheart that was sweet

oh shit the ringtone

it almost worked

enough to buy them time ig

these kids are so fucked up omg

Chuck has gone to the Worst Stories oh my god

this is gonna be fun

HEY CHUCK GOT TO BE A HERO!

yes it's a bit self congratulatory it was still cool

Rob Benedict is fun

lmAO WE SHOULD PUT THEM ON A BUNGEE

they don't believe him

it was a GOOD LINE Though

they get to be the escapism for people! they get to have a family that would die for them!

that's so good though

are they..

no they seem just friends

if they snuck in w//nc//st I was gonna be very confused

ah good here's the Becky plotline I have fun

he'S SO TALL COMPARED TO THEM

sAM YOU CHEEKY BASTARD

yes go and date Becky God

"no not really we have guns and we'll find you" AHAHAHA

oh my god

oH MY GOD THE WRITER CLAIRVOYANCE

HOLY FUCK WAIT OH MY GOD THAT'S SO GOOD

cROWLEY! C R O W L EY !? C R O W LE Y!!

aW DEAN

THEY JUST FORCED HIM TO SAY SHIT LMAO

THEIR REACTIONS TO CHUCK’S EMBARASSING STORIES LMAOOOO

1 the good fan portrayals! look..yeah ok there was some stuff that was weird, we weren’t supposed to see them as like..the Ideal. but the whole thing of like…family that cares about you and that you care about and saving the world? they did understand that part of the appeal at least, they were just wrong about their target audience. The majority was sad teens, but…I think…I think they had the right vague Idea. It wasn’t AS unsympathetic as I thought.

2. the bad whatever the FUCK they were doing with Becky. Like…oh wow. Some of the convention stuff was clearly made to be mocking. Actually a lot of it. I’m honestly surprised at ANY good. Jesus that was cringe for like 80%. Like I’m glad in the end it…tried, but OUCH it was…Listen I get it wasn’t your target demo but you still have fans guys for FUCK’S SAKE

3. the reactions listen…Sam’s lil “ah yeah this is kinda funny in places, we can make this work, I can hide it” vs Dean’s “WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE”…like idk Sam at least feels like someone who has let himself be weird and nerdy, Dean hasn’t, so he knows the vibe. Also I feel like Dean hates himself and his life a lot more than Sam does, regardless of how much they pretend it’s the other way. Like it reads as everything Dean wanted not to be, or was told not to be, and like…yeah ok there’s a metaphor in there. Whereas Sam the Protagonist is just kinda more chill. Also that one scene at the end was unironically funny(no chuck abort was very good)

4. the meta/self congratulatory ok as far as meta: they did take advantage of the fact that we the audience know shit the characters don’t to like…actually find the colt! like that was a very good use of meta! using the lady as the matron was also good use of meta! and yeah it’s self congratulatory(nerdy underdog niceguy writer gets the girl that’s a fan of his work)(hey if chuck’s a stand in that’s really fucked up guys) but that scene with Chuck was actually cool, and yknow…he’s not that bad right now. I know he will be, but he’s just kinda fun and funny

5. actually really good set up and payoff this episode like the shot glasses, the lady, the “they all think it’s a joke” hell even the fucking colt and bela and crowley. I just thought it was neat

6 hbo supernatural. Ok so…every single thing that was a bit Lighthearted ended up dark and vice versa. I think that they’re straddling this line a lil bit here, because they clearly wanna tell darker stories, but the CW is forcing them to stay peppy and they’re…not fantastic at integrating it. Like changing channels has two COMPLETELY separate vibes. I think that actually the curious case did it better, but both are good. Once again, the straining against circumstances that makes this fucking show so compelling, even if it’s not good

7 BELAAAA FINALLY A NAMEDROPPPP!! YES THAT'S ALL IT WAS BUT I MISS HERRRR

and that was our meta section of the season peeps!