#sweetboydevin

[warmthintouches]

Idk how to explain how I feel. You really fucked me up. And I hate admitting that. I think...

I think...

I actually really liked you...

And...

I'm so sad, bc you found her. The mom of your dreams. Shes super cute, a mom to a daughter similar age to yours, she seems deep, she was unhappy just like you.. shes super fucking cute.

And I knew she would capture you as soon as I met her.

Then she convieniently left her husband last week, and now you're suddenly available to date....

And I hope you are both happy and i mean that so deeply. You're one of the kindest people ive ever met, and I just really~ want you to be happy.

I am just...hurt. very hurt. Because...you made me think that I was special but yet you were into her...and idk why it hurts but it does. And the fact that you act like I don't know who you're talking about.. im not an idiot. I saw you sitting very close the day she left her husband..and I knew~ i fucking knew.

And I can't believe I'm saying this...but I was honest. I told you I was talking to other people...that you didn't give me enough attention but I strongly wanted it from you. That I cherished you....more than anyone else...

And then you had the nerve to act so casual about it. Like I shouldn't think it was a big deal. And im the one who has to sit there at our lunches and watch you be close to each other...watch you two share the glances.

And it feels like I just wasn't "mom material" enough for you.

And I didn't like when you said "there's not a single flaw with you, I just like her more"

That fucking hurt. "I just like her more"

Like it was that simple. Oh, you're great but I just like her more so....

That fucking stung. I cant get over it. I just like her more.

...you hurt me and idk what to do.

You made me feel like I wasn't good enough. Like I was just someone who was fun for a while ...like I wasn't even an option.

Thats what really kills me. After all this time...I wasn't an option for you. Bc you had already chose her and I was just something you had to deal with.

I'm always fmthe weird factor..

And I feel stupid.. I feel dumb for thinking I meant more to you than this. That I meant more to you than a shitfy confession on our lunch break.

I just....didn't expect you to make me feel so hurt. And nowni can't look at you. Bc it hurts.

And I have no right.

And its killing me. Its not fair.

You were the one I secretly wanted. I wanted to show you all myself, bc I thought you'd actually appreciate it. But ...now you're not there. Its weird now. And it hurts.

I am so sad.

And everyone knows I'm sad so its awkward. And I can't look at you. And if I see you together I am going immediately to my car...im so sorry. But it hurts. Bc im not enough for you. Im not a mom....

Im not a mom...nor do I want to be....

And that's what makes the difference...

[warmthintouches]

*waits by deli counter while he orders his lunch*

*walks together to the checkout, can feel weird vibes*

Him: so I need to talk to you... 😳👀

Me: *laughs nervously*

Him: what? 😳

Me: that sentence....never leads to anything good.

Him: .. its not great..

Me: okay..

*goes through the self checkout, he tries to make a joke but im in panic mode*

*we go outside to our friends for lunch.. theres no spot beside each other so we sit far apart*

*eventually people seems to dissipate..leaving us alone*

*im in panic mode*

*i finally look at him after avoiding eye contact*

Him: hey, come here

*pats spot beside him*

*tries to be cool but ends up dropping hit dog on the ground in process. Laugh it off and try to keep eating my lunch casually, totally embarrassed*

Him: so...

Me: so....

.....

Him: I feel really bad...

Me: thats.. thats not the best start to this...*laughs nervously*

Him: you're right. I need to focus im sorry.

Me: its okay....take your time..

Him: well, I finally confirmed that my ex is dating someone. So I have the all clear to talk to whoever I want. And I am excited.

Me: .....so you can date people? You're a free bird?

Him: yess!!!

Me: thats great for you. You deserve to be happy!

Him: yes, but thats what I wanted to talk to you about....

Me: okay

Him: I wanted to tell you that I've been talking to someone and I like her a lot so...we can't be a weird thing anymore...🥺😳🥺😳

Me: ....

...

Oh, okay *laughs bc am nervous and hurt and don't know what to do*

Him: im really sorry.

Me: no its okay *laughs* you do you, its totally fine. *laughs*

Him: ....are you sure?

Me: yeah! *laughs* its fine.

Him: *stares at me for a very long time* im really sorry..

Me: *laughs* its fine. Its totally cool, I understand.

*our friends come so we just act normal*

*suffers through 25 minutes before finally deciding on an excuse and went to my car*

*cries*

*snapchat*

Me: ....can I ask you a question about what we talked about?

Him: of course miss

Me: nope *panics* too nervous sorry

Him: please just ask me. You deserve all the answers.

Me: .....

Me: 🤣 I'm very happy for you btw, I promise

Me: just....why not me? I guess I don't know how to word my question which is why im hesitating...I just, (I feel super dumb saying this) I thought you liked me? And I just wonder why.. why im not an option? 😅

Him: Honestly, you're amazing. I just personally like this girl more and I can't think of a flaw that you have that influenced it. But she has a little girl that's almost the same age as my daughter and I know she's a great mom. It's truly nothing against you and I'm so sorry for putting you through this..

Me: 👍👍

Me: Sorry, that is not an acceptable answer for what you said I just don't know how to respond.

Him: I understand and I'm so sorry I hurt you.. you really don't deserve it, I just wanted to tell you..

*hours later*

Me: Its okay, really. I just am sad. But im really happy that you're happy..promise.