#ta-da: someone complaining about their tech

[marlynnofmany]

“Who are you, and what are you doing here?”

“Okay, calm down. I’ll preface this explanation with one thing: unbelievable scenarios sound more real if there’s something to complain about. Also, I have not touched a thing in here, and I am literally lost.”

“Lost in my house.”

“Apparently so. An inconvenience for us both.”

“So what’s your explanation before I beat you about the head with this and call the cops?”

“Right. Do you know what teleporters are?”

“I know they’re made up, from movies and—”

“And this one is the worst crock of compost I have ever had the misfortune of pressing buttons on. It’s a scam; look, even the straps are coming loose. It could have fallen off completely and stranded me between worlds, or come halfway loose and scraped my face across the edges of the realities. If I ever get back to the anus leech who sold this to me, I’m going to do thorough and creative violence to him. There will be duct tape, a sockful of batteries, and several Andromedan firewhips involved. I can borrow those from my neighbor if I ever get back home. She owes me for helping fix the antigravity in her apartment after the cat stepped on the buttons.”

“Okay. I’m willing to listen, and not beat you about the head just yet. Is it supposed to blink like that?”

“What the sweet and salty afterlife — Oh no, I’ve seen this before. Stupid straps! Fine, breaking is better than unfastening. Quick, which thing in this room do you hate most?”

“Lamp.”

“Got it.”

KatchewwwPOP

“Okay. I believe you now.”

“Sorry about the lamp. Here, I’ve got a light.”

“And of course it’s a magical floating one. Why would I expect anything else? Or probably a high-tech one, not magic.”

“Right.”

“Do people eat ramen where you’re from? I’ll make us something while we talk. I’d like to hear all of the everything, please, and I imagine you need to figure out how you’re going to get home.”

“Ah, yes. To all of the above, thank you.”