#tanakas amazing commodities

[theminecraftbee]

I think I’ve mentioned this before but the problem with putting Lizzie in the smallishsona au is that, because I’m somewhat basing this more on hermitcraft, I worry sticking her in here would inherently kind of reduce her to her relationship with Joel, which doesn’t feel… fair? like I’m willing to do that to Jimmy because he has ten million aus already, but I didn’t want to stick Lizzie in the velvet room because that is an inherently kind of subservient role with a character arc that is DIRECTLY about bonding to Joel. and then also I made Joel’s backstory “everyone he loves is dead” and like, as much as I joke about constantly fridging, say, Grian, I am WAY MORE RELUCTANT to kill off Lizzie to make a man sad for The Obvious Reasons.

with that prologue: as I was typing this I realized the FUNNIEST WAY for me to include Lizzie in this au and I think it’s canon now because it’s a way for her to cameo that does not reduce her to her relationship with Joel or center around that relationship in any way. and it’s ALSO really funny.

I think she should take over Tanaka’s Amazing Commodities actually. every Sunday she comes on TV and sells you the worst scams you’ve seen in your life. and you have to buy them anyway. because sometimes they’re unique items you can’t get in any way but with these stupid catchy infomercials. she is not sorry about it. she is making so much money. Joel has received so many sketchy packages. he is suffering.

DO YOU SEE THE VISION,

[rontra]

wait sorry i just saw "isako has insane beef with her game's devil arcana" she's not rocking with amazing commodities?

i like to think she gets mad every time amazing commodities comes on. i want her to hold on to this beef forever. it's one of my (many) favorite things about her

it's because in 2009 she was blackout drunk(!) at the mall(!) and he gave her shit(!) for it:

(P3F script reference courtesy of lparchive, hence the maya sprite hahaha)

a lot of social links are only unlocked by progressing others first. usually around rank ~4 ish, the person will be like Btw i heard about this other fucker. and the other fucker will be a new social link. so you unlock Devil by getting this info from isako 😭

getting into public beef w president tanaka is just so fucking funny to me and i need her to cling to her grudge about it For Fucking Ever. she's STILL mad about this i KNOW she is. jokes on HER though because the Devil arcana is ruling her WHOLE LIFE right now

also,

^we rly just let her say whatever she wanted in 2006. they changed that last comment later LMAO 👇

But They Both Said Some Things That Are Gonna Get Edited Out

👆not what he said. you two are both worse than that.

[bruxairacunda]

No matter what I'm doing, no matter where I am, no matter the time. Whenever I listen to "Tanaka's Amazing Commodities" song I can't stop myself from doing a silly dance and clapping hands.

[ziodyne-amax]

Pelipper mail!

It’s the random mail service!

You all get sent random parcels that were lost in the mail. They are all addressed to a “Makoto Yuki” and appear to contain random items from Tanaka’s amazing commodities.

Huh. So that's what Tanaka was selling back then.

He's still going? Really?

He's still going in 2016, he's just running an online auction instead. Something about tax fraud causing his business to go under.

[mysunshine-youremoonlight]

TANAKA'S AMAZING COMMODITIES THEME SONG <3

[megaderping]

The sound of an obnoxiously catchy jingle jolted Akechi from his sleep. Grumbling, he sat up, rubbed his eyes, and scowled at Yu, who watched the TV from the couch with his chin resting in his hands. Some strange man in a suit appeared on the screen, with a broad nose and an orange, striped tie. He spoke with an undeniable charisma you'd expect from a telemarketer, and Akechi could've sworn he'd seen that man's face before…

"This is Tanaka's Amazing Commodities, the mail order television program, being broadcasted live to you! We guarantee your purchase will meet your satisfaction for a fair market price! Now, let's introduce the products that will be on sale for the next three days!"

Then came more of that jingle… which Yu sang along to. "Granter of your desires!"

Akechi stared flatly at Yu. "Infomercials? Really?" Tanaka droned on and on about Adios Shoes in the background, and Yu simply shrugged and bobbed along to the jingle.

"You never know. Could come in handy in the TV world."

"Or you could get suckered into buying low-budget garbage."

Tanaka's solicitation cut through the conversation. "...But wait, there's more! I'll add two Slimming Foods to the Adios Shoes! All this for only 5,980 yen! We've got another fantastic product on sale today! One Medical Kit! It's very helpful in emergencies! What can I do to sweeten this pot for you? Ooh, I know! For this one, I'll add four Medicines to your Medical Kit for 2,980 yen!"

Akechi scoffed. The Medical Kits could be useful, he supposed, and… damn it. Yu was already dialing up the number. "Well, it is your money. I take it you're going for the shoes?"

"Yep. Some new kicks might help Chie kick ass in the next dungeon."

Rolling his eyes, Akechi grabbed a calculator off his desk. He punched in the individual costs of the Medicines and Medical Kits, and… hm. It was cheaper than buying them individually. So, once Yu finished his call, Akechi dialed up the number and placed the order for a Medical Kit package. Once that was out of the way, he flipped his phone shut.

"Well then. Have you any big plans for the day?"

"Yep, but they're top secret." Yu sauntered over to the dresser, digging out a black jacket, matching black jeans, and an undershirt.

Akechi followed suit, fetching his green sweater vest, white shirt, black slacks, and almond blazer for a sophisticated Sunday fit. "And just when we've come so far…" He smirked all the same. "Then again, another mystery is tempting to pursue."

Previous Chapter | Full Chapter | Read from the Beginning

-- Akechi's birthday rapidly approaches... but also many shenanigans afoot! This chapter had a lot more in it than I remembered. Hope you enjoy!

[brucebocchi]

i'm doing what i often do when i drink alone on weekends and rewatching the last few persona live concerts and it's so goddamn funny that in 2019 they did a whole big-band tap dance number set to the fucking tanaka's amazing commodities jingle

[tsukimori-san]

Persona 5 AU where Joker's texts are just verification codes, deal for Big Bang Burger and reminders his order from Tanaka's Amazing Commodities is coming

[mugenloopdalove]

GOD I forgot about the fucking dystopian-ass 11/27 Tanaka's Amazing Commodities

[dragonofeternal]

Random, entirely unimportant thing I'm excited for when Persona 6 drops:

THE CONTINUATION OF TANAKA'S SAGA

He went from roping Door-kun into his pyramid scheme and being a beloved weekly TV salesman to running a sketch-ass website where he can peddle his crap on a once again kinda pyramid schemey model sometime between 4 and 5. What happened? Will he sink lower, or will he rise from the ashes? Will I see a random soundbite on the TV about how he got arrested for his scams? Will we finally have a post-P3 ost that doesn't have some form of his theme on it?

[misc-headcanons]

Tbh I'd fuck Tanaka. Dude seems like he'd be a decent sugar daddy even if by the time P5 happens, he's having to go underground and keep a low profile.

Anyway I only thought about this because I downloaded the Tanaka's Amazing Commodities remix for P3D. And normally I'm hit-or-miss on these OST remixes but this one kinda fucks

[dinosaurtsukki]

haikyuu!! music idol au (karasuno ver.)

at long last here it is!! also most of this is based on my knowledge about kpop groups and the industry (as a kpop fan) but i made a lot of tweaks and i’m basically imagining this in a world where the kpop industry wasn’t so hard on its idols and churning out commodities. but yeah! this is going to be the first part of a series so stay tuned for more! also this is p long because i added hc’s for kiyoko and yachi >~<

okay so in my head karasuno (or KRSN im sorry im bad at coming up with names) is like one of those really large groups that hav sub-groups kinda like NCT

they're from a fairly small entertainment company called umm KS Entertainment (im sorry im bad at names hnghn pt. 2)

its headed by ukai who's also like a really awesome choreographer and takeda who's like YG if YG had an exact opposite really kind twin who actually values their idols

(sorry im really salty)

takeda is honestly the sweetest, he's responsible for scouting and judging auditions

he'll basically let anyone who appears to put their all in pass the audition

he also likes to take care of all the trainees and make sure ukai hasn't made them dance to death

production crew are: ennoshita, kinoshita, and narita

kinoshita's like responsible for planning the concepts for every comeback

sometimes he thinks of really wild ones and ukai's jus like whoa there lets tone it down a bit

narita tag-teams with kinoshita by being karasuno's amazing stylist

his favorite person to style is suga but dont tell anyone that

and lastly we have ennoshita who singlehandedly produces every track on every album

he's also a really good vocal coach

and he's very tired because he's the producer and he also has to deal with tanaka and noya knocking on his door every five minutes

subgroup (night) KRSN-N

consists of: daichi, suga, asahi, noya, and tanaka

ok so karasuno has basically two main types of concepts: night (which is more like rugged and bad boy) and day (which is more boy-next-door and sweet)

the night subgroup has like a very strong rap line consisting of daichi, noya, and tanaka while for vocals we have suga and asahi

daichi is their leader ofc

he, suga, and asahi were in the same batch of trainees and had to (survive) live with each other for quite a while

his rap skills are really consistent and he has really good flow. also tends to start off their songs

his dancing skills are also impressive and basically just a great all-around guy

he's also really stressed from managing his group members esp because they're all children

asahi is one of their only two vocalists but he also has some good skills with music production and likes to work with ennoshita

he has a really deep but mellow voice

really shy when it comes to being onstage and meeting fans but he has the sweetest smile

tanaka is part of their dance line because boy can he bust out the moves

doesn't mind performing without a shirt. kinoshita has styled with him just wearing a jacket most of the time

his stage presence is just woah

the kind of performer who'd really get up close and personal with cameras and also people's phones

everything about him screams bad boy except for when he's really sweet in fansigns

noya is like their lightning-fast rapper who always comes in during the bridge

takeda heard him rap for barely a minute and quickly signed him in

more often than not enters the stage while piggybacking tanaka or asahi

also an amazing dancer who does all the gravity defying flips and jumps

he was invited more than once to collab with other artists

he and tanaka are trainee buddies and were inseparable ever since they ran into each other naked in the shower room

now for suga

he's like main visuals also main vocals also main dancer

was talented ever since he sprouted from the womb

he actually didn't audition his mom posted a video of him covering 'euphoria' by jungkook which takeda happened to come across

his voice is very high and he often harmonizes with asahi during the chorus

also tends to be really affectionate with daichi onstage and everywhere basically

so many 'daisuga being karasuno's parents for 15 mins' videos

subgroup (day) KRSN - D

NOW WE HAVE THE CHILDREN CHILDREN

okay so these guys have been together since their trainee years and basically had to live in the same room

which was like chaotic because they were always fighting and only yamaguchi knew how to do laundry so everyone was trying to be his friend

until daichi and takeda gave them a little pep talk so they don't hate each other so much now

n e weigh

first up we have yamaguchi who is basically jus very boy-next-door and also the unofficial leader of the group

he has an amazing voice and can hit the highest notes and he has a tendency to wink at the cameras

main vocalist and visuals

his fans love him because he's just so sweet

sometimes daichi comes in to check on how he's doing and treats him to a meal

he likes to check on other members during live shows

looks stunning in white suits also the fans made a petition for him to grow out his hair and now his hair is long

he and tsukishima have both dreamed of becoming idols and auditioned together

tsukishima's the main (only) rapper of the group

my brain: hnGhh rapper tsukki nskdkssm

he had to work on his stage presence but when he finally Got It he is such a master at it

also had to work on his dancing because he looked like a wiggling beanpole at first

most of his lines are actually written by him esp because he didn't want to say anything that felt embarassing for him and ukai was like 'why dont u write ur songs then?' and he's like 'mAYBE I WILL'

hinata's our other main vocalist, also main visuals and main dancer

his voice is p ordinary but whats great about him is that he's able to keep it consistent while busting out the hardest moves

personally learned a lot of his dancing from noya and tanaka

also he's always in the center because he's short and he looks adorable

he can nail the high notes too btw

he's the kind of idol who has the most random and funniest videos on twitter

kageyama's like their genius maknae

he had been training for such a long time and he actually wanted to be booked for another entertainment company but was rejected (hmm i wonder which company this was ??)

but he was a fan after seeing suga practicing when he toured the company and decided to join KRSN

he's in the vocal line as well and also main dancer

his voice is a lot lower so he harmonizes with yamaguchi and hinata

he and hinata were very competitive when it came to dancing during their trainee days

but they balance each other out pretty well and like to choreograph dance breaks together

super shy around fans and fansigns

most of the pics of him have kageyama doing the peace sign because he's awkward af

KRSN as a whole

takeda and ukai really encourage all of them bonding together and taking breaks in between all the stress of practicing and performing

they all live in one big house and its really chaotic

very few people know how to cook and do laundry

also there is an average of 2 accidents per week

but they do get along when it comes to practicing for the next comeback, especially when the subgroups have to collab

ennoshita's studio is a mess of sticky notes and crumpled up paper with probs asahi, daichi, tsukishima, and ennoshita napping on a couch

suga loves being able to train hinata and yamaguchi with vocals and they have a project of covering a new song every week for the fans

tanaka, noya, kageyama and hinata also spend a lot of time in the dance studio

whenever there's a new song they like to come up with movements to add to the choreography

after a really hard day of dancing they end up falling asleep in the studio and waking up to take-out courtesy of takeda

photoshoots and styling sessions take forever since there are so many of them but also its a good time for the members to get some sleep

but kinoshita and narita do not but in the end its all worth it when they see the photos and the reactions from the fans

their music and performances are very varied since they like to show that they're versatile as much as they can

they don't really prioritize being precise and flawless, more on channeling the emotion of their songs and power in their dances

no two performances of the same song are ever the same 

KIYOKO

okay so takeda also had this genius idea of bringing out solo acts and after another round of auditions, kiyoko caught his eye

she's a bit older with idol training and recently left the group she was supposed to debut with because the company didn't treat them right

my girl kiyoko knows her rights

she's basically an all-around talent: good at singing, dancing, rapping, and visuals

takeda knew he would be dumb to overlook her and even though they've mostly been producing boy bands, maybe they'll have success with a solo female idol

kiyoko was very clear abt wanting to have more control over how she was going to be presented and also wanted the opportunity to write her own songs

and takeda and ukai were jus like well yeah duh, that's why we scouted you

kiyoko was like an immediate success

her style is def very sassy and sexy, especially with her dancing ability

kind of like Chungha or Hwasa

but her fans also like her more melancholic and deep songs that are accompanied by her piano playing

she's also super confident and loves to use her platform to empower women

sometimes she does get together with the KRSN members

she collabs pretty often with suga esp when it comes to dance covers and performances

the day she asked tanaka and noya to be back-up rappers for one of her songs was the happiest moment of their lives

kiyoko's a fucking queen

HITOKA

because i wrote hc's for kiyoko i have to make one for yachi too

she's quite interesting because yachi joined like one of those idol training shows and kiyoko happened to be a guest judge

watching yachi sing made her sense some sort of potential so kiyoko being the bad ass bitch she is convinced takeda and ukai to work with her

yachi almost died hearing that Queen Kiyoko thought she had potential

her first years training to be an idol were really tough on her, esp since she was aiming to be a solo act

but she spent a lot of time training with the KRSN - D group and they really helped boost her confidence

everyone in KRSN and kiyoko asked their fans on twitter to support her when yachi's first album dropped

yachi's music is super mellow and light and she has a very sweet, high voice

comeback stages and music video shootings are pretty scary for her but she really shines in live, studio sessions

also knows how to play guitar

writes her own songs !!!

during her first fan meeting she prepared a bunch of presents for her fans and was scared that no one would come but a whole bunch of people did and she was so happy she almost cried

haikyuu!! music idol au series: karasuno vers., seijoh and shiratorizawa vers., nekoma and fukurodani vers.

[obeysword]

yu totally sings along to the tanaka’s amazing commodities theme song. sometimes he hums it when it gets stuck in his head. it’s just so catchy ✨

[crow-hearted-detective]

🥞 I'm still not sure why I bothered checking up on Asato last night.

🥞 "why do you give a damn" your guess is as good as mine!

💮 Maybe he's another confidant lol

🥞 Oh fuck that.

🥞 I have enough confidants as it is, the last thing I want is to add HIM to the list.

💮 I mean you don't have to start off liking your confidants.

🥞 What

💮 It's more about getting to know someone better. You don't have to go in liking them.

💮 Even if they probably develop some sort of affection for you by the end.

🥞 You're thinking of someone in particular.

💮 Tanaka.

💮 That shady company president from Tanaka's Amazing Commodities.

💮 Early on he'd be like "don't tell anyone about our meetings or I'll do something sketchy that'll ruin your reputation."

🥞 What the fuck.

💮 That's the Devil arcana for you I guess!

💮 The Tower was kind of like "why are you coming to a bar this late go home kid."

💮 But yeah anyway confidants don't have to be people you like from the start.

🥞 That actually explains a lot.

💮 Oh?

🥞 Never mind.

🥞 Did you still want me to come over and do your makeup?

💮 Yes please.

[evilflavoredsystem]

🌻?

i’m litch rally so close to getting an fc on tanaka’s amazing commodities but there’s one pattern i can’t get down and it’s driving me up the wall