#taylor was right when she said got lovesick all over my bed because i wanna puke

[isopodonanescalator]

guys just want you to know i am in love and will be going insane until further notice. thank you for your time.

[5hfanfiction]

Only Words Bleed (Chapter Six)

Camila’s POV

“Wait…what?”

I now sat straight, disbelieving that I had finally admitted what I felt. I smiled vaguely and gave Dinah a minute to let it all sink in.

“What do you mean ‘he’s not Lauren’?”

“I literally mean that Connor is not Lauren.”

“Oh my god, Mila! You like Lauren?”

“Sssshhh…don’t let the world hear you. Quiet.”

“How can I remain silent when my best friend finally likes a person?! I better call the Vatican cause this shit is important,” she shouted while standing up.

“I need to tell Mani and Ally…they’ll be stoked.”

“What?! Hey - no. I’m not ready to tell anyone.”

“You told me.”

“Well, yeah cause you forced it out of me.”

“Mila, this is huge!”

I shrugged. “Maybe…but don’t get too happy about it.”

Dinah frowned. “How do you not exp- ”

“Lauren’s dating Connor, Dinah. She’s very happy.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Uh, yes I do. She told me herself.”

“What did she say exactly?”

My mind began to remember. “Um, she said that she didn’t wanna label herself as his "girlfriend” just yet but when she’s around him she feels happy.“

Dinah seemed to be considering the information. "So they’re not really dating?”

“No. But that doesn’t mean I can just swoop in and steal his girl.”

“Lauren’s not anybody’s girl. Yet. If you don’t do anything, and fast, Connor will.”

“I know you’re right. But I just can’t bring myself to say anything. I literally lose my cool when she talks or when we’re together.”

“Aaaaw, lovesick Camila is back. I’ve missed her.”

Dinah sat down on the bed. “So. Tell me how it started.” Dinah requested.

Sighing, I said, “Well, I don’t really know. I’ve been having these feelings for a really long time but I think last night, when we were together, my heart kinda confirmed it.”

Dinah nudged my shoulder. “What happened last night?”

“Nothing. We were just talking about my favourite book and just hearing her talk made me happy. And then I realised why.”

Dinah smiled. “What are you gonna do?”

“I really don’t know. If I tell her it could potentially ruin our friendship. If I don’t I’ll die.” Camila shrugged.

“Well then, let’s go get your girl.”

“How do you mean?”

“We’re gonna hang out. The five of us. I wanna see if there’s any chemistry or 'sparks’.”

“What - now?”

“No, in 2020. Yes, now!” Dinah pulled her from the bed and walked her over to the door.

“Ugh, fine. But we’re getting pizza.”

Dinah trudged while I stopped in the doorway. Dinah asked her what I was doing. “I’m texting her.” The blush was evident on my cheeks.

C: HEY! dinah has called an emergency hangout…come to the pizza place(:

L: hallo! why am i not surprised lemma say goodbye to connor and ill be there

Annoyingly, I frowned at the text and showed it to Dinah. Dinah also gave an apologetic smile.

C: kay dont be late like you often are

L: excuse me? ill have you know im very puntual

C: hmm see why dont i believe you

L: im on my way to shut you up

C: ooh so scared mom help

And we were off, arms linking and laughter echoing.

-

We sat at our usual booth, Dinah making sure no one sat next to me. I rolled eyes at her, scared that the way she was acting was a bit too obvious. Normani and Ally were busy conversing while Dinah kept looking at the door.

As Lauren came in, Dinah nodded to me and made space for her. “Took you long enough,” Dinah stated.

“Yeah, sorry I was with Connor,” Lauren said while sighing. Dinah and I exchanged a look.

“You know I’ve been wondering…”

“Wait, so Dinah Jane thinks now, too?” Normani joked. “Lord the apocalypse is upon us.” This caused everyone at the table to giggle, Ally especially.

“Shut up, Mani. Anyways, Lauren. What’s going on with Connor?”

“What do you mean?”

Before Dinah could respond Ally started humming: “What do you mean? Oh oh…when you nod your head yes but you wanna say no…”

“Excuse my friend Ally, she’s very theatrical,” Normani laughed.

“Oh, I can tell,” Lauren smiled before continuing, “Connor and I are not dating. Pretty sure Camz told you. We’re just, uh, seeing things as they are.”

“Camz?” Dinah questioned.

I  rolled my eyes again. “Yeah, Camila…Camz. Pretty similar, no?” Lauren admitted.

Dinah nodded. “Interesting.”

“Okaaay! Why don’t we order, huh?” I intervened.

“Yes please, I’m starving!” Ally chimed, signalling a waiter.

-

After eating, all of us headed back to Normani’s house. We had reached and were standing on the patio. Lauren turned to me with an exasperated sigh. “Your friends are hard to keep up.”

“Yeah, they are aren’t they?”

She smiled. “Well, I have to go now. Parents have their anniversary and Taylor and Chris are bugging me to come early.”

“Why?”

“We’re planning a romantic night for them. It’s a bit too extra if you ask me because they’re already out on a romantic dinner.”

“Aw that’s cute. I’ll see you later, then?”

“Yeah, definitely.”

As Lauren went off, I walked inside to the room where all three girls were in.

-

Narrative

The next day, after her parents’ dinner, Lauren went over to Connor’s house. He had invited her to 'hang out’ but Lauren felt nervous nevertheless. She always felt nervous around people. She wasn’t proud of it.

“Hey!” Connor greeted her with a kiss.

“Heyy,” she said and sat down. “Playing Call Of Duty as usual?”

“Ah, you know the drill. I have to complete at least one mission daily.”

“Right. So what am I going to do?”

“Oh, silly. I’m not going to play now. I’ll play it later.”

“That’s…very considerate of you.”

“Well, I am a very considerate guy.” Connor brought her into a kiss. In a short while Connor had Lauren lying on the bed, biting her neck vigorously.

“Connor, stop.”

“Oh, come on Lauren.”

“Please- I, I can’t.”

“We’ve been going out for a while now. It’s time.”

Lauren pushed him off of her. “You can’t decide when it’s time. I told you I’m not ready.”

“Still?”

“This isn’t something that you can do on a deadline, you know. I need time.”

“I gave you time. It makes me nervous that it’s taking you long.”

“What? Why?”

“Cause I fear you don’t like me enough.”

“That’s not true and you know it. I just need more time.”

“Stop saying that. It’s not helping.”

“Well then, what will?”

“Look, Lauren. I want to be with you. If you don’t then just say so.”

“I do.”

“Really? I can’t see any effort.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t know how to show my effort.”

“Either you are my girlfriend or not.”

“That’s it, then? No in-between?”

“No.”

And with that Lauren took her cue to leave. She tried hard not to let tears fall but she had just experienced her first 'heartbreak’.  How could she not cry? She took to her safe haven, wanting to find some solace - that is, the library.

Camila’s POV

As usual I was sitting in the library. The girls had gone home after a while but I headed back here to read a bit. I was in my spot, reading 'The Book Thief’. There was a quote that struck to me like the waves of an ocean: “My heart is so tired.” Its so simple but equally powerful. All of a sudden I heard a voice; it startled me but when I looked to see who it was I smiled.

“At least someone’s in a happy mood.”

“What can I say? This place makes me happy.” I said while Lauren sat down next to me.

“Cool. It makes me happy, too.”

“But you’re not happy now, are you?”

“Not really..,” she sighed.

“What happened?” I gazed at her face trying to read her expression. “If you don’t mind me asking.”

“Connor and I 'broke up’. I mean we weren’t dating but like, it’s totally off now.”

I tried not to show my pleasure. I’m not sure if it worked. “Oh, Lauren I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s literally nothing.”

“You’re hurting. It’s something.”

“I guess because it’s the first time this has happened to me. I’ve never been with anyone before.”

“I understand.”

We sat there in silence for a while. As I continued reading I felt a head on my shoulder. I looked up to see Lauren resting; she was crying. I could feel her tears. “Hey, hey. Lauren.”

I stroked her hair, hoping to calm her. “It’s okay. Don’t worry,” I held her face in my hands. “It’s going to be okay.”

“I just- I don’t know what to feel.”

“You’re not supposed to feel anything. Just forget it. You’re going to be okay. I’m here.”

“So tell me what happened.” I said gently, after she stopped sobbing.

She cleared her throat as I lifted the book from the floor. “Basically I went to his house cause he said he wanted to hang out. We talked and he kissed me,” Lauren explained.

“But then it got serious so I told him that I wasn’t ready yet. In short, he gave me an ultimatum: either I be his girlfriend or I leave.”

My heart shook at the admission. “So you left.”

“Yeah, I left. What else could I do?”

“You did the right thing. You shouldn’t rush into this. It doesn’t require a deadline; it needs a lot of time, you know.”

“Exactly what I said.”

“How do you feel?”

“Well, not great. But better, I guess.”

I smiled. “Because of you,” Lauren said truthfully.

“You know I’ve realized that ever since we became friends my life has gotten bigger. In, like, terms of everything. I mean I made new friends, I had enough courage to talk to a boy and I finally found a mutual. You know what I mean?”

“Oh, stop it Lauren. That was all you.”

“Maybe. But I just want to say thank you.”

“Well, you’re welcome.”

“Oh my god you’re reading my favorite book. What part are you on?”

I looked down at the neatly placed book between my legs and remembered that I was, in fact reading. I cleared my throat. “Yeah! I’m at that part where the Mayor’s wife lets her into her library.”

“Ooh that’s where things get interesting.”

“Shut up, don’t ruin it for me.”

“I won’t, I won’t. I get how you feel.”

“Do you?”

“Totally. I remember once I was reading Allegiant and I was almost finished, right?”

I nodded. “And then my stupid friend so very selfishly told me that Tris dies in the end.”

“Hey! Spoiler alert.”

“Oops, sorry. I didn’t know okay?”

“Yeah-yeah.”

“So are you gonna go home soon?” I asked.

“Um, in a while. I just want to get some reading done.”

“Oh. Well I should go now. My mom’s probably freaking out.”

Lauren nodded in understanding. “See you tomorrow, Camz,” she said as I stood.

“Bye, Lauren,” I returned.

As I was walking away Lauren spoke, “Hey, Camila?” I faced her.

“Thank you.”

I was shocked. I started walking towards her while saying, “For what?”

Having sat back down, Lauren muttered,“For being there. For me.”

“Yeah, of course,” I smiled. “You’re welcome.”

“And thank you too.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Me? What for?”

“For becoming my friend. For coming into my life because it’s become better with you in it.”

I brushed a strand of hair behind her ear and gently stroked her cheek. I could feel her shivering at the touch but I kept my hold strong.

“I think I should say the same.”

I stared into her beautiful, spellbinding green eyes and she looked politely at mine. Seeing her in the dark made me lose all my conscious as I had no idea what propelled me to lean in. I closed my eyes when I watched her shut hers. There seemed be such a little distance between us but it still felt like a thousand miles apart. In a gentle touch my lips met hers and I pulled her in. I didn’t want to come out too fierce or forceful so I kissed her as slowly and as gracefully as I could. She hesitated at first but gave in nevertheless.

Her lips felt so perfect against mine. I felt her hand moving to grasp my neck for support and my hands moved down to her waist. Our bodies were attached to the bookshelf behind us; our hips and abdomens were in soft contact. I tried to pick up the pace and realized that Lauren was giving me full access to do so. I humbly put my tongue in her mouth and bit her bottom lip. I couldn’t help but hear a small moan from her. I was shocked to feel her biting my own lips after I granted her access.

I was enchanted. I didn’t know that there was heaven on earth. Was there? I didn’t want to think much and all I wanted was to continue kissing this beautiful girl in front of me. My conscious told me to stop immediately but my heart and my lips ached for more…

I started pulling away. “Uhm, I-I’m sorry.” I said completely out of breath.

Lauren hadn’t fully recovered from this too as I sensed her breathlessness. “No, I’m sorry.”

“I shouldn’t have done that,” I shrieked as I forced my body to stand up.

“No, no it’s okay. I’m sorry too,” Lauren had stood up now too.

I shrugged in panic. As I was about to respond I heard my phone ring. It was my mom. “Yeah, yeah I’m almost there.” I looked at Lauren. She looked so elegant and as much I as didn’t want to, I had to return home. “I’m sorry - that was my mom. I have to be home.”

I saw her nodding right away and I offered a sweet, I’m-sorry-I-kissed-you-out-of-nowhere-but-I-wanted-to smile and walked in the opposite direction. I heard her say, “It’s okay. I’m sorry.”

“Bye, Lauren,” I chipped and exited the door.

During the way my head was running a million miles. Had I really done that? If so, when the hell did I become so confident in doing that? Maybe because it’s Lauren, I thought. It felt…enchanting, I repeated this feeling in my head as I carried on. 

A/n: finally tho! The story is progressing…I have a lot of stuff on my mind so stay tuned, loves! I hope you’re liking it so far because I honestly have nooo idea…would definitely appreciate feedback(:

The recent events have everyone depressed and shook. We’re all hurting right now and it’s taken a toll on us. I’ve been a fan for quite some time now and I just want to say that it will take time. I started this story as an interest which is why I will keep writing for as long as I want to because if you enjoy it, what’s the harm, right? Take care and Happy New Year!