#tbh im not even gonna do real tags on this one bc im exhausted and i dont think anyone outside my followers really cares

[niteview]

content creator year in review

tagged by: vic / @softhyungkyun & nessa / @memehyungwon thank you <3 i meant to do this sooner but im doing this now! thats what counts i guess 

first creation and most recent creation of 2020: this wonho play it cool stage comp. set!!!! i just like starting the year off w/ him, we’ll see if i do for 2021 hehe as for most recent it’s this one from the mx plays superlatives video 

one of your favorite creations from 2020: kihyun’s bday set!!! i think that his turned out best out of all of them despite doing the very worst notes-wise :P (not that i rlly care abt notes tbh)

a creation you’re really proud of:  my wonho open mind set i think im starting to get better at stage sets :’’) at the very least i think it turned out a lil better than my play it cool one!!!! 

a new style you tried this year and a gifset that uses it: i guess the layout i picked for mx’s bday sets???? im not the most adventurous or ambitious cc out there tbh

a creation that took you forever: :’) every day i choose pain bc most of the things i make are compilation sets but s/o to my hyungwon fatal love era set if only bc it felt like it took the longest lmao

your creation from 2020 that received the most notes: wonho’s birthday set. idk how or why but it got 2.4k )’: even w/ my most longwinded caption yet sdlgkjsld

a creation you think deserved more notes: at a grand total of 64 notes it’s my fave releases of 2020 (so far) set but i knew how it would preform going into it so im fine w/ it. 

a new fandom you joined and a creation you made for it: 2020 was an (almost) mx-only year for me content-wise so i have nothing here 🤪

a creation you made that breaks your heart: not to be on brand but my wonheon set i made when i was rlly missing them )’: in a way it’s almost healing? bc i love them so much and i loved their interactions the very most but i guess the way it’s heartbreaking is that i’ll always be missing them (together)

a ‘simple’ creation that you really love: my minhyuk love killa set! it’s a post-cb craze one so it’s nothing complicated or fancy but i like the colouring for it! 

a creation that was inspired by another one: i wasnt tagged to make that faves of 2020 set; i think i was just rlly inspired by everyone else’s that i saw!! that being said i dont have a specific one in mind!!!

a favorite creation created by someone else: i had a lot in mind from chelle / @2bosoos but thankfully she made it easy for me w/ her monsta x + wonho in 2020 releases set bc it’s absolutely GORGEOUS ! rlly ADORE mädch’s / @kyunsies set she made for kihyun’s birthday !!!!! made me fall even more *n l*ve w/ him, by like 1122% :’’) i think i have to go w/ amy’s / @minhyukie ‘s minhyuk’s firsts from 2020, it was made w/ love nd i can tell :’’) from nessa i rlly loved this edit she made for kihyun’s birthday! it’s so clean but so pretty <3 and from vic i think i have to go w/ her magazine sets (1 & 2) i wish these were real ):

 some of your favorite content creators from the year: this is very much a non-exhaustive list but everyone i mentioned in the previous prompt & @3maeiri @ckyunoirs @hyungkyun @kkyuns @leejooheons @psychemixtape @yoonqiful off the top of my head i love your guy’s work sm !!!! <3 

and for good measure, another a couple more creations of yours that you love: i’m just gonna link the rest of my mx bday sets bc they’re the one’s i’m most happy w/ overall 💞 (sn / mh / hw / jh / ck)

tagging: anyone i’ve mentioned who hasnt? done this, im a lil late getting to this so i’ve lost track of who’s done this. happy new years everyone 💛

[pavlovers]

hello lad(ie)s i apologize for not being all that active for the past few weeks i have been spending my out-of-school hours sleeping, having feverish bouts due to a bad case of the flu/bronchitis/not sure tbh but im Sick, and doing midterm prep so ive just been a bit more exhausted than i usually am,, anyways just wanted 2 say that before thanking dear ol’ diana @britneyshakespeare for tagging me to do a thing, so here is that thing:

A. age - im 6teen, life is sweet when youre growing up so faaast you Gotta make the good times last!

B. birthplace - largest city in the US state connecticut

C. current time - 2:19 am as of posting (my sleeping schedule has still not been fixed clearly)

D. drink you last had - do i seem like the type of person who. consumes beverages that are not. woter

E. easiest person to talk to - my braincells r neat companions sometimes i suppose

F. favorite songs (currently) - hmm i was listening to fast as you can by fiona apple a lot a few days ago,, also i just very recently listened to anderson paak’s oxnard and hh tracks like tints and anywhere the california lust is realllll (im sorta thinking of moving in with my cousin and attending school there after i graduate high school)

G. grossest memory - any time i have ever gone 2 school on my period ever

H. horror yes or no - yeah i enjoy it i guess in the most basic sense. read/watched my goosebumps and my encylopedias of the supernatural as a kid. ive only really read a couple of horror novels and the horror-movies-ive-watched-list is severely lacking but yknow the very least i watch buzzfeed unsolved on a semi-regular basis

I. in love - dont know. dont care.

J. jealous of - people who can go an hour without hacking up half their lungs

K. kids - theyre kool little dudes. not interested in parenting one or multiple ones.

L. love at first sight or walk by again - don't have the personal experience to like. say shit so whatever u wanna believe man

M. middle name - ______

N. number of siblings - half sister, shes 21, barely know her

O. one wish - just wanna be done w high school already without like,, having 2 live thru the rest of it maybe?

P. person you last called - i dont call people

Q. question you always get asked - not a question but. old people like to go on about having old people friends that have the same name as me

R. random fact about you - the only friends i talk to during school are the sophomores at my lunch table who like to burst out random cody ko memes and the girl in my chemistry class who really likes cuffing her jeans and somehow understands delocalized molecular orbital theory

S. song you last sang - the hymn “just as i am” by charlotte elliot for choir class (we r singing a very jazzy arrangement of it its kinda cool)

T. time you woke up - 6:20 am unfortunately (was expecting un delayed opening for school today but snow day calculator fed me lies apparently. Sad!)

U. underwear color - yellow i think im not gonna check

V. vacation destination - been there many times already but like,, id like to go down 2 manhattan w my friend and spend the day w her!! we’ve talked about it many times bc theres nothing to do in southern ct when u cant driveTM but my parents are :// about it also with our dumb ap workloads we probably wouldnt be able to go until the summer

W. worst habit - being a real negative nancy

X. x-ray - had them, yeah. dentist obviously also that one time i went to the emergency room because i couldn't breathe and they wanted to know if there was something in my lungs

Y. your favorite food - i have been subsisting off purely congee for the past few weeks (that's not what it's called in my parents language so it's like weird calling it that but yeah basically rice but it's goopy)

Z. zodiac sign - 🦂

tagging: @murobrown @an-aviary-far-from-home @loneliness-rose @orchestralmanoeuvrez @home-in-orbis and anyone else who would want to i dont even know if ppl do tag things anymore so feel free to ignore if u don't and i tagged u

[personagf-moved]

alphabet & soft questions ✨

I was tagged by my bb’s @prksjmiin (alphabet ask) and @joonieblossoms (soft ask) and i didn’t want to make two separate posts so im gonna apologize in advance bc i decided to stick both posts together :’) dkdkkdkd yall aint gotta read everything but if u do ily and im sorry i write novels on novels dlfksdkf

i’ll tag @koyasdad, @1ovegf, @joonlit, @sleepyyyoongs, @constellationstars and @capgi 💘

honestly feel free to do either one or both or none if u want dkkdkdkd i just wanted to tag u guys bc ily

Alphabet ask:

a // age: 21

b // birthplace: new jersey!

c // current time: 1:17 am

d // drink you had last: coffee

e // easiest person to talk to: my brother when he isnt being an absolute fool

f // favorite songs: 

aint it fun - paramore

trivia love 

honey - kehlani

abbey - mitski

moonlight - ariana grande

g // grossest memory: i was in the city one time and a bird shit on my forehead. i think about it at least twice a week 

h // horror yes or horror no:  H O R R O R   Y E S   B A B E E E Y Y Y Y Y Y Y im the absolute worst person i’ll dead ass watch a scary movie/video or read horror stories by myself just bc. 

i // in love: with my whole ass soulmate namjoon. i luv u string bean man

j // jealous of people: im not even gonna try to lie i am a very jealous person and i am so sorry about it but i really cant help it lmfao. blame my scorpio venus i guess

k // kids of your own someday: when i say i have been thinking about this everyday.........! i wanna have it all i want the kids the white picket fence the dream house everything. i cant wait to be a mommy one day and love n support my bb’s :’)

l // love at first sight or should i walk by again: we a whole ass fool on main and believe in love at first sight!!!! i really do believe soulmates are a true thing and if a love is destined to be across an infinite span of lifetimes and universes then it will always find its way back. when you know, you know, and i genuinely believe that. 

m // middle name: padilla

n // number of siblings: 1 older brother, 1 half brother (older), and 1 half sister (older)

o // one wish: to find true love

p // person you last called: my manager bc i had a work question lol

q // question you’re always asked: “why are you like this” (usually friends @ me when i wild out...which is like everyday), “are you mad?”, “how old are you REALLY?”, “how’s your brother?” (bc he ghosts all family n i have to speak on his behalf like always fsdfjksdf)

r // random fact about you: i once used a horrible bootleg copy of the force awakens to make a star wars crack video dubbing the part in shrek when he first meets donkey over the scene when rey first met bb-8 and it went viral and has like 200,000 notes and even had articles written about it. also i had a weird fascination with jar jar binks and danny devito when i was in high school and i had a habit of making either one of them my icon on school accounts so i could make people laugh when they emailed me or saw me in a word document skfkkkfkf

s // song you last sang: “abbey” by mitski :’(

t // time you woke up: exactly 10 this morning and it was weird bc i picked up my phone and it had JUST turned 10 when i looked i was so shook lol 

u // underwear colour: she be black 

v // vacation destination: paris bc im a basic bitch :’) also japan/all asian countries. i wanna connect with my roots more :/

w // worst habit: yeeting the fuck outta people’s lives when i think they’re getting too close/when i get overwhelmed. im sorry im a flighty bitch @ anyone i’ve ever ghosted :( i love anyone who’s ever tried to talk to me and its never ur fault, i just get the urge to escape sometimes and i’m trying to fix it 

x // x-rays: omg @ tori dead ass me too tho, i had x-rays when i broke my arm when i was around 6 :o

y // your favorite food: my mom’s spaghetti! and sushi. also i love any and all filipino food but specifically i like nilaga and kare-kare oooo baby

z // zodiac sign: we’re a proud libra sun 

Soft ask:

What’s the smell of your shampoo?

we got them fruity scents up in here we keep that shit smellin like a goddamn strawberry field take a fuckin whiff babes

What’s your aesthetic?

the moon and stars, soft pink and purple sunsets with a burning red on the horizon, sunrises as well, paintings and generally all art revolving around flowers and the celestial, pretty pastel pink and yellow, the sound and smell of rain falling against the window while being curled up in bed uwu 

What’s your favorite time of the day and why?

lately it’s been night time. i generally get more creative and feel more at home during the night. i miss being a morning person tho. 

What do you most like about the beach?

not a lot fklsjdjfkslkdflksdlkf i usually only go to get a tan and walk the boardwalk with my friends, but if i had it my way i would never step foot in the ocean for the rest of my life sdjdjdjdjsj we dont trust her!!!!!!!!!

What do you worry about constantly?

when i’m gonna figure out what i wanna do with my life lol. i took a year off to think about it but all i ended up doing was working myself to exhaustion and getting comfy in a work only mindset and now i’m only even more confused about what i want to pursue. i’m just glad im going to chicago next week because i feel like a change of setting for even just a week could give me a much needed reset on my mindset going into the next year. i worry about the future but the problem is i worry about the present too lol. oh well, we’ll figure it out!

What is a song you’ve cried to before?

oh boy...

trivia love

moonchild

first love

she used to be mine - waitress soundtrack

20 something - sza

26 - paramore

the letter - kehlani

landslide - fleetwood mac

when you see my friends - mayday parade

and many........many many more...... skskskks music is my main emotional outlet so naturally im gonna cry over anything that reflects my heart

What are some relaxing tips for your followers?

as The World’s Number One Most Stressed Out Human Being™️ i am definitely in no way fit to give advice on how to relax LMFAO 

but i guess something that always works for me is putting on music i KNOW will make me sing a long or make me happy to distract me from the nerves i’m feeling. also putting on my favorite comfort movies to make me feel better (they’re big fish, scott pilgrim vs the world, and spirited away btw lol)

 What are some things that make you tear up?

the ending of coco, seeing my mom cry, or anyone i love cry tbh, when children are neglected/abused, thinking about the world i’ll have to bring my future children into and how i’m going to be able to teach them to stay strong and bright in the face of it, lyrics that hit too close to home, absolutely anything tbh i cry easy

What is your favorite from each sense?

sight - the view of my cherry blossom tree against a pink sunset in the spring of my childhood home, a person’s eyes and how they light up when they smile, especially when they crinkle as they laugh

smell - the earth after rain, a forest in autumn

taste - my mom’s cooking, good coffee on an early morning

sound - beautiful melodies and harmonies to accompany them, a baby cooing, birds chirping at sunrise

touch - my pillow when its nice and cool, a cat’s tummy, a baby’s cheeks, fingers running through my hair

What is an alternative reality you’d like to live in?

one where im married to namjoon n we have a lot of smart musical prodigy babies who have his dopey smile and i live comfortably in our big ass home in korea where i raise our babies n get that good pipe down every night like i should

jk i wanna live in a reality where magic is real and i can cast spells and live my best life as the true witch that i am

What are some troubles you face on a daily basis?

for starters im ugly as shit so theres one

if we mean practically then i have really bad knees and i recently busted them again so its been really hard getting up and down stairs lately and bending over 

but idk theres not really much. emotionally i just tend to get withdrawn and timid in public so it can be hard for me to speak up when i go out

What is one scene from a book that makes you really sad?

unfortunately i haven’t read as many books lately as i did when i was younger...so a lot of my memories are from books that i read like as a kid lol......THAT BEING SAID i think rue and finnick’s death in the hunger games was truly heartbreaking to read, the spine of my copies of both books have cracks on those pages bc i had to read it several times just to really believe it. also i thought it was written so heart wrenchingly well that i had to go back.  also in looking for alaska when pudge, a man who loved to know people’s last words, realized that he would never know alaska’s last words. im also really thankful for that book bc it introduced me to wh auden’s poetry and to this day he’s still one of my favorite poets of all time.  

Say something to your followers:

thank you thank you thank you thank you THANK YOU for following me and for some reason deciding to stay after how many times i act up on the daily. all jokes aside i really appreciate every single one of you no matter the number and i sincerely hope that you always have love and joy in your heart and that 2019 treats you well. i HONESTLY mean it when i say that i am always here if you guys want to talk or send me things or roast me or talk shit seriously i wanna hear it all and talk about it all i think all of you are so interesting and so beautiful and i’d love to get to know more about you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS! yeet!

[imagine-ikebukuro]

tagged in a few things

more under the cut!

92 truths meme

Tagged by: @glitzcake​ thank u!

LAST…

[1] Drink: orange juice

[2] Phone call: a friend of mine, annika

[3]Text message: my brother

[4] Song you listened to: this remix, i’m obsessed with it lately!

[5] Time you cried: aw shit, a few days ago? last weekend? idk man

HAVE YOU EVER…

[6] Dated someone twice: no

[7] Been cheated on: nope

[8] Kissed someone and regretted it: yup

[9] Lost someone special: kind of? but… more in a sense of drifting apart rather than someone passing away

[10] Been depressed: not diagnosed, but i’m pretty sure my mental health is not at its best at all

[11] Gotten drunk and thrown up: lmao yes and not only once either

LIST THREE FAVOURITE COLORS…

[12] grey!

[13] turquoise!

[14] burgundy!

IN THE LAST YEAR…

[15] IN THE LAST YEAR…

[16] fallen out of love: nah

[17] laughed until you cried: pretty sure

[18] found out someone was talking about you: people be talking shit 24/7 and all i gotta say about it: I DON’T CARE AS LONG AS IT’S ABOUT ME

[19] met someone who changed you: mhhhh, no not really

[20] found out who your true friends are: definitely!

[21] kissed someone on your facebook list: yeeeaaah? could’ve been in 2015, my sense of time is terrible Dx

GENERAL…

[22] how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: 90% of people, 5% others are friends i’ve known for several months or years over the internet and 5% are random people or some “celebrities” i found lmao

[23] do you have any pets: no, sadly not ;;

[24] do you want to change your name: i’m fine with my name, tbh!

[25] what did you do for your last birthday: i went to the museum and ate sushi with my family and a few weeks later had a party with my friends

[26] what time did you wake up: today? 8am

[27] what were you doing at midnight last night: watching youtube videos

[28] name something you cannot wait for: to finally be accepted to college and not being nervous about applying for university and everything, but have it all sorted out

[29] when was the last time you saw your mother: she’s sitting in the same room as me right now

[30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: if i could go back in time, i would do anything to have my father and i get along properly today

[31] what are you listening to right now: a zelda remix playlist

[32] have you ever talked to a person named tom: actually, yes, i had a huge crush on someone named tom, he was two classes above me during middle school

[33] something that is getting you nervous: the thought of me getting my wisdom teeth removed tomorrow, ugh. also, general organization and planning shit, like applying for college, moving out of my hometown, living on my own very soon, being forced to meet new people, all that jazz.

[34] most visited website: i guess tumblr? even though, lately, it’s probably youtube

[35] elementary: 2004 - 2008

[36] high school: graduated last year

[37] college: i can apply for my first semester next week. if i’m accepted, i’ll start going there in fall this year.

[38] hair color: i’m a ginger, so red-brown

[39] long or short hair: short! i cut it into an undercut like almost 2 years ago

[40] do you have a crush on someone: no, i avoid that shit

[41] what do you like about yourself: my eye color?

[42] piercings: i literally got zero piercings, not even on my ears, but i wish i had an industrial piercing and i used to really want flesh tunnels, maybe i’ll get there eventually

[43] blood type: i actually don’t know :^)

[44] nickname: some people call me lilly, some call me li. the villagers in my animal crossing town call me ukeprince, wot

[45] relationship status: married to the neighbour’s cat which i saw from my window and went out for just to pet it about 500 times by now

[46] zodiac sign: virgo!

[47] pronouns: they/them, she/her, he/him

[48] fav tv show: at the moment i’m watching PLL (but i don’t like it at all so rip) my favorite’s gotta be buffy the vampire slayer!

[49] tattoos: none yet

[50] right or left hand: right handed

FIRST…

[51] surgery: i had surgery in my mouth last year and like mentioned above, i’m getting my wisdom teeth removed tomorrow, if that counts

[52] piercing: none

[53] best friend: she’s not even active on tumblr anymore, rip, her name’s lydia though IF YOU READ THIS, THEN HELLO MY BRO

[54] sport: i’m planning to swim regularly again after recovering and healing up from surgery

[55] vacation: if it counts, my first ever “vacation” was the music festival Rock im Park 2013 with my father and a good friend of mine

[56] pair of trainers: no clue

RIGHT NOW…

[57] eating: nothing

[58] drinking: orange juice

[59] i’m about to: maybe get to playing some loz: botw

[60] listening to: still the loz remix playlist

[61] waiting for: anxious feelings to pass

[62] want: a huge cup of coffee

[63] get married: nopedy nope, i don’t fixate myself on wishing to get married. if it happens, it happens and i’ll be happy about it, but if not, then that’s cool on my terms, too!

[64] career: i’m working on becoming a teacher (i want to teach german, english and ethics in high schools)

WHICH IS BETTER…

[65] hugs or kisses: honestly, it depends, but generally, i’d say hugs

[66] lips or eyes: eyessss

[67] shorter or taller: i don’t care, both is nice

[68] older or younger: as long as it’s pretty close to my age, i don’t mind

[69] romantic or spontaneous: neither LMAO if i had to chose, romantic, bc i’m as spontaneous as a potato, i gotta plan ahead, bruh

[70] nice arms or nice stomach: stomach! and by that i mean any kind of stomach! ripped af or soft, i’m weak.

[71] sensitive or loud: sensitive

[72] hook up or relationship: relationship

[73] troublemaker or hesitant: a nice balance between the two would be cool. let’s be real though, troublemakers always catch my eye, even though i’m quickly annoyed by them just as well wtf is wrong with me

HAVE YOU EVER…

[74] kissed a stranger?: no

[75] drank hard liquor?: yes

[76] lost glasses/contact lenses?: no wtf i’d be walking around half blind

[77] turned someone down: yes

[78] sex on first date?: no

[79] broken someone’s heart?: apparently so

[80] had your own heart broken?: at the time i think i would’ve called it that, but honestly, it wasn’t that horrible, so nah?

[81] been arrested?: no

[82] cried when someone died?: yeah

[83] fallen for a friend?: do lowkey crushes count in which you gush over how amazing someone is? platonic crushes? it’s a thing.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

[84] yourself?: i used not to, but lately i’m more confident i think!

[85] miracles?: not really

[86] love at first sight?: no

[87] Santa Claus?: no

[88] kiss on the first date?: sure

[89] angels?: no

OTHER…

[90] current best friend’s name: Lydia

[91] eye color: greyish-green (if i cry or sometimes late at night they’re really GREEN!)

[92] favorite movie: nightmare before christmas!

10 questions ask game.

tagged by @peacefuldesires​ thx!

What things make you smile and all warm-fuzzy inside? CATS no seriously, i can have the worst day, but when i walk home and get to pet a cat on the way, i instantly better. i remember coming home after my last final exam all upset and a cat meowing at me and purring and wanting to cuddle with me and i couldn’t help but smile!

What things make you feel a bit sad (don’t push yourself to answer this one)? my current family situation, there’s a bit of drama and fights going on.

What things inspire you to grow? anything and everything, to be honest. there’s new things you experience and learn every single day. things you conquer and master just fine and mistakes you make and all of them shape you into knowing what to do next time a bit more.

The last song(s) that you couldn’t stop listening to? i can’t really think of anything right now, uhhhh, i’ve been listening to the trust me durarara!! ending lately again haha

5. Are you an introvert/extrovert/ambivert? What kind (are you a shy extrovert, super confident introvert, or perhaps a really confused ambivert :0)?: i’m an introvert through and through. i wouldn’t say i’m exceptionally shy nor super confident. i’m somewhere in between. it really depends, around my friends i’m outgoing and cheering and with certain strangers, especially if i know i have to talk with them for literally no longer than 3 minutes right now (i.e. a cashier or someone you walk past) then i’m polite and rather talkative. i just feel exhausted even after spending a lot of time with friends, though the time was enjoyable, but i need my alone time for sure.

What calms you down? the triangle breath! it’s my favorite method to use whenever i feel anxious, upset, angry, or just need to stop and pause for a few minutes. you picture a triangle in your mind (you can even trace it with your finger, or if you can draw it on a piece of paper). you take a breath in through your nose, tracing one side of the triangle. then you breathe out through your mouth, tracing the second and third side of it. other than that, listening to music, taking a nap, petting a cat, watching videos of cats or other cute stuff, sometimes playing a video game.

A character that you really relate to (perhaps you have similar personalities, or maybe you came from similar backgrounds)?: this is gonna sound trashy, but saeyoung choi from mystic messenger and there’s a story behind it too. my friends were playing it way before me and told me “there’s this character that looks just like you, you know nerd glasses, messy red hair, always wearing a baggy black hoodie. he even acts like you, making puns and using memes ALL THE TIME!” and it’s true lmao. also, kaneki ken to some extent? like i really resonate with his personality, the choices he makes, his thoughts speak to me, he’s pretty harsh on himself and goes through ways that are self destructive if he can help others with it.

One thing you love learning? language, it’s just fascinating to me.

Angst or fluff? ANGST, I AM THE ANGST QUEEN, COME ON

If you punch yourself, does that mean you’re strong or does that mean you’re weak? neither and a little bit of both at the same time. let’s go deep in on this one and take the “punch” as emotional self loathing. bashing yourself down definitely doesn’t mean you’re strong, it doesn’t make you tough at all, it only means you’re harsh on yourself. it doesn’t make you weak either. you’re making yourself believe you are weak, but the fact that you endure that and still have the power to do so, means you’re tougher than you’re think.

MY QUESTIONS:

Now that spring’s here, what’s your favorite thing about this season and what do you not like about it?

What’s your spirit animal? Literally. Which animal do you think resembles your inner self and why? (maybe your Patronus, if you know it?

What’s your go-to order at a café?

Do you consider yourself to be creative?

If you could go back in time and change something, would you? If so, what? If not, why?

Where do you see yourself in 20 years from now?

Home sweet home, what makes you feel comfortable in your own home? What’s the overall aesthetic of your room, any colors, textures, an atmosphere, do you maybe keep many stuffed animals or posters or plants?

What do you think is most important when it comes to friendship?

What’s something you improved in since last year?

Werewolves or Vampires, which are cooler?

I tag: @imagine-your-party-hosts​ || @obsessivefujoshi​ || @dotaccino​ || @mollyxmousey​ || anyone who wants to do this

[b0rtney]

the shit is being painstakingly scraped out of the fan

so what you guys may know is that my updates to my fics went a little haywire last week and this week. what u may not know is why. here’s why. 

Last Friday, I spent most of the day doing orientation and schedule building for my fall semester transfer to University of Iowa (:D). It’s mandatory orientation, and it has a deadline, so I prioritized that over the update of the last chapter of my friday fic, “Eight Weeks with Eri” (sorry guys, i gotta value my education <3 i still love yall). I didn’t finish until late, I was trying to simultaneously take care of my 2 foster kittens and their momma, and I didn’t feel well regardless, so I posted a quick “sorry the update is late” on ao3 and went to bed.

On Saturday, I had full intentions to write up the chapter and post it, but I did need some things for the kittens pretty urgently (out of cat litter, for one thing). My guess at a day plan was: shower, go to target, tidy up after the kittens, write chapter, post. Nope! My mom tells me that one of her clients (she’s a real estate agent) left her cat at her old house, instead of bringing it with her in the move. So. New day plan. Pick up that lady’s cat, bring her home, go to target-- and all of that takes a while, so I don’t get home until 8 pm. I didn’t even get to shower. I felt a headache coming on, so I went to bed early. I felt awful about not updating, and was worried about my monday fic too, but I was just exhausted. (for anyone who’s curious, no. the client’s cat (Angel) and my foster momma (Nikki) did not get along. at all.) My brother instantly fell in love with Angel, set up a litter box and food/water area in his room, and said he would take care of her. We all kind of agreed that lady shouldn’t get her cat back (sorry, not sorry).

On Sunday, as one of my previous posts detailed, I got taken out at the knees by a migraine so bad I could feel it in my palms. I was shivering with cold, but couldn’t understand why my body was convulsing because I didn’t feel cold, I just felt pain. This is genuinely probably the worst migraine I’ve ever had. It lasted all day and nothing helped except unconsciousness-- but even that wasn’t an option because I had to take care of my foster kittens, baby Dre, baby Eminem (I called him “nemnem”) and momma Nikki. It was genuinely awful. I remember very little starting at the time it set in the night before until I woke up on Monday. (If any of the events here are out of order (for instance, I’m not sure whether I posted the temp chapter for “Eight Weeks” on Friday or Sunday, and all the days and times are pretty iffy for me) this migraine is very likely why. It made a small resurgence on Wednesday night/Thursday morning.)

Monday, I felt much better! I played with the kittens in the morning, and figured I had earned a little bit of a break after such a shitty few days. I would write the chapters after an early lunch and post them by that night. Right before I went to sit down and write, Eminem crawled (very insistently!) into my lap. I said alright, okay, you can sit with me while I write, and I settled him into my lap and got to work on the long-overdue final chapter of “Eight Weeks with Eri.” But when I looked down to pet him, his eyes and mouth were both open. He sometimes fell asleep like that, so I went to close them for him, but he wouldn’t respond. I got worried. I tried to shake him awake. Nothing worked. He wasn’t breathing. I picked him up in my hands and ran downstairs, yelling for my parents (my dad is a firefighter/emt, and has resuscitated kittens before), but he was gone. Just like that. No warning. He had been playing, totally normally, not 30 minutes before. Of course, I cried for a while before I could even move. When I went to check on Dre, he was suddenly walking funny. Not wanting to leave anything to chance, I texted the rescue org that connected me with these kittens, they sent me the phone #/address of a vet, and I drove him there (45 minutes both ways jfc). The doctor diagnosed Dre with a congenital heart murmur and some level of paralysis in 3/4 limbs, and his tail. They said the prognosis wasn’t great. A neurologist might be of some help, but it would be expensive, and life quality wouldn’t be great. The vet tech took me aside and just said to make him comfortable as he goes. I thought he was going to die that night, and I held him for hours. Every once in a while, he would stop breathing for a few seconds, until I rubbed his rib cage and he would wake up with a little start. I thought he was going to die. 

Tuesday morning I woke up on the floor (I slept next to baby Dre’s little bed on te floor, just in case), and immediately began researching online. I read vetrinary textbooks mostly (thank you, GoogleBooks). I would open a vet textbook and ctrl+f for Dre’s symptoms, and I kept going and going and checking, rechecking, double-triple-quadruple-checking, I cross-referenced. Literally it was a lot. But what I found was that Dre likely has feline arterial thromboembolism. Without the jargon I had to muddle through, that means a blood clot was blocking the flow to his limbs. The textbooks said the prognosis wasn’t great. I don’t remember everything, because this was a whole three days ago, but the condition (at whatever time the textbook was written) wasn’t common, so I had to cobble together a treatment plan based on similar diagnoses, symptoms, and whatever medications we had on-hand (the vet gave us none-- but we’ve had pets with medical issues before, so we have some options). I went to the store to pick up baby aspirin, because acetaminophen is toxic to cats and we needed aspirin doses small enough to give to a 400 gram kitten who’s barely weaned. At the Rite-Aid, I picked up what would be my best friend for the next two days: a sale-pack of 3-for-$3 Charleston Chews (two of the boxes were the only thing I ate or drank until Thursday). I gave Dre the baby aspirin at the recommended dose, and when his pain got a lot worse, I gave him the recommended dose of tramadol (we had some leftover from a previous pet injury/illness). He trembled with pain that night as he fell asleep, before the tramadol kicked in. I thought he was going to die again. I fell asleep on the floor again.  (at some point on this day, my brother managed to accidentally let Angel, my mom’s client’s cat, out of the house, and she ran off. We are still trying to find her.)

Wednesday, finally, some good news. Dre could use both of his front paws (one of which had been partially paralyzed), and he could flick his tail is he really, really wanted to! It was, literally, a miracle. He couldn’t get around on his own, including to eat, drink water, and use the bathroom, but with help he even accomplished these tasks with success! I continued to give him tramadol at the recommended doses every 12 hours (he hated the taste! icky!), but cats don’t metabolize aspirin fast, so that didn’t need to be taken today. He slept a lot. I was still guarded about hoping for him to make it, but there was hope! I finally wrote and updated both chapters of fics that I was late for (”Eight Weeks with Eri” and “Rest for the Wicked”), but between it all didn’t have the energy to post my wednesday fic, “their whole entire lives” (sorry yall) or respond to comments like I usually do. I finally took that shower I had planned on taking Saturday too (it was. so nice. it had been a while since I last went 5-6 days without showering (last time it was depression lmao)). 

thurs (dre starts to use back paws, front paw straightens)

Thursday marks the day I’m writing this from. I slept on the floor again, but finally got fed up with waking up every few hours because my back hurt, and moved to my bed at something like 6 am, and slept until 9 am. Dre now has almost complete use of his front paws and tail, and limited use of his back legs! He can’t get around fast, but he can get around! It looks like he’s gonna make it you guys! (I think he misses his brother now that he’s feeling better. He has picked a tiny stuffed animal that he plays with, grooms, and will not fall asleep without.) I posted a chapter of my wednesday fic, “their whole entire lives” too. My friends and I might go to our local protest tomorrow, but I’m not sure how long I can stay because I don’t want to leave Dre stranded if he needs my help. If nothing else, I’ll go donate some snacks, waters, and maybe even some signs to the protesters, if they want them, so I can contribute even if I can’t leave the house for long. It’s something like midnight now, so I’m going to schedule this to upload later and head to sleep (in my bed this time, not the floor). 

It’s been a rough week or so. I might take this friday (and maybe next friday) off to restock my prewritten stuff so I can give yall regular-length, on-time updates as we move forward. 

In the words of AJR: a hundred bad days make a hundred good stories

so, ya know, look out for kitten fostering gone sideways in some future fics or somn XD