#tfw a middle-aged man needs reassurance that his kids don’t hate him

[fujii-draws]

Guilt.

[Dadnoir fic I did. Title is pretty self explanatory]

———

Even after the Eevee and Riolu evolved into their respective forms… it did not change the fact that Dusknoir worried over the two.

He had always felt a need to protect both Ribbons and Aimilios. Sure they’ve conquered great things, greater than Dusknoir could have ever achieved… but those same achievements left huge targets on their backs, being one of Pokémon’s saviors and all; having many, many, run-ins with despicable Pokémon, looking to harm them. The two always assured him that they’d be fine, but it did very little to quell the ghost type’s fear of them getting seriously injured or harmed.

…Today was another day for Dusknoir; running his usual errands in Treasure town. It had originally been community service for his actions back then, but now he’s grown a certain fondness for helping other pokemon like he once did. Meanwhile Grovyle and Celebi were continuing to explore the past; with Ribbons and Aimilios doing their respective jobs. While Dusknoir occasionally offers to join the two; the Lucario and Sylveon politely declined his offer today.

After finishing his errands, Dusknoir went back to Sharpedo Bluff; hovering towards a near haystack. The ghost type floats down and sits on it, having need for a little bit of peace after the work he put in. Maybe he would take a nap; or perhaps read a book…? He fondly remembers a memory of when he read books to Aimilios back when he was just a Riolu pup.

He remembers just how enamored he was taking in all of the book’s contents while his little ruby eyes sparkled. Small excited barks would escape his mouth as he pointed at specific paragraphs, practically begging Dusknoir to emphasize on certain details that entranced the aura Pokémon- …Dusknoir could not but help but smile at those memories. Their mutual love for books and exploring had always been a joyful bonding experience for the two. Aimilios’s eagerness to learn was something Dusknoir always admired and loved about him…

“…” He shakes his head. He’s supposed to be resting. They’re both fine. They’re fine.

“Alright… perhaps…” He puts his finger under his chin, continuing to ponder possible ideas on what he should do with his free time. Maybe he could go to Spinda’s..! The Pokémon there are… Well- Dusknoir shouldn’t really use the word “Welcoming” when referring to himself... “Tolerant” seemed more fitting. Besides that, the drinks at the Cafè were simply divine. Drinkable beverages were an heavenly change of pace than the Inedible food of the future. You’d be considered lucky to find any Grimey food there. Thank Arcues those times have past…

Dusknoir slowly finds himself chuckling, recalling another memory. This time it was of Ribbons. He’s reminded of a time where she was drinking her Gray Gummi smoothie, when he told her a joke… He remembers the Eevee snorting- smoothie spraying from her nose. She held her snout with the both of her paws, in-which, despite in pain- was still laughing. Dusknoir himself had stared at the brown fox before processing the whole ordeal… before erupting with laughter; his stomach jaw unhinged. Her laugh had always been infectious, aswell as her unbridled whimsy.

“……….”

…Where were those two…?

Being left alone with his thoughts, his mind couldn’t help but constantly wander back to the Lucario and Sylveon. It was starting to get late. An orange evening glow begun to pierce through the maw of the Sharpedo… How many hours had it been since they left…?

“What if they got hurt…?” Dusknoir begins to think “What if they didn’t have any escape orbs on them…? What if one of the outlaws—“

Dusknoir held his hand under his eye, his pupil shrinking as the intrusive thoughts kept coming and coming… He knows he’s thinking irrationally. He knows those two are capable of keeping themselves and eachother safe….. but the intrusive thoughts would not stop. It really never was a surprise as to why he worried about those two. Ever since the first time he had met and saved them in Amp Plains, his need to protect the two had become instinct at that point. Seeing those two being harassed by those teenage Pokémon awoke something in the black specter… A feeling he thought he had lost a long time ago from his time in the future… compassion.

….But after Amp plains; his mind wanders to the beach- A smile slowly crept on his face when he realized who they were. He even had the gall to feign having a “friendship” with them. Dusknoir remembers just how happy those two looked when he considered them to be his friends- Confiding and looking for guidance from him- how much they trusted him. Looking back at it now makes something in his chest hurt.

…Then his mind wanders to Crystal lake; knowing he could’ve had one less target if he had let Grovyle kill Aimilios… but his body moved faster than his mind could; emotions overwhelming Dusknoir as he rushed in to save the riolu out of pure adrenaline and fear-

…To the end of the day. That day. When he.. he…

…

…..Guilt.

That was another reason.

How many other monsters were out there? Monsters like him? Who could take advantage of them, and do the same damage he’d done? If not worse? He knew what he did to them- how he stabbed both of them in the back… They were children. Mere children. And he was ready to take their lives all for the sake of self preservation.

Things have finally healed between the three. Ribbons and Aimilios even beginning to refer to him as “dad” a couple of months ago, and as much joy as he felt when they did… he was wracked with guilt… So much guilt.

Grovyle and Celebi often comfort Dusknoir during those times. He’s still not sure how he’s managed to find two wonderful partners. It felt too good to be true for someone who’s done so many horrible things.

He doesn’t deserve this.

He doesn’t deserve any of this.

Forgiveness for his actions?

Pokémon who care about him?

…

His chest hurts even more.

“Maybe.” He wonders. “Maybe he would’ve been better off dead. Maybe he shouldn’t have come back.”

…He didn’t deserve to come back.

He should’ve disappeared.

…

…How much time had past…? The ghost type hears two familiar sounding Pokémon calling out his name, in worry no less, but why?-

…

His face feels wet.

(…Oh.)

He runs his hand over his eye, wiping the black tears running down his face while he was spiraling.

(Oh.)

Ribbons and Aimilios waste almost no time rushing to his side; the Sylveon wiping his tears with one of her ribbon-like feelers; gently wrapping the other 2 around his arm. Aimilios’s bands on his head begin to float, sensing Dusknoir’s aura for the cause of distress as Ribbons’ with her feelers.

“…Ah.” The Sylveon and Lucario perk up, looking up at the ghost type’s pained expression in unison. “…Forgive me…I did not mean to cause a scene… I’m alright now…”

The two did not accept that.

Despite Ribbon’s feelers and Aimilios’s aura sensing, it did not take a genius to know what Dusknoir was so upset about. Both looking at eachother; Aimilios’s expression morphing into a melancholic one as Ribbon’s does determined; already understanding what to do.

Dusknoir closes his eye, unable to face the two any longer; just wanting to be left alone. It’s all someone like him deserves.

“…Just… go…”

The two look at him, probably the most worried they’ve been in months.

“…Please...”

They’ve… They’ve never seen Dusknoir so… broken... All three sitting is complete silence.

”…Great” Dusknoir thinks. “Now you’ve fallen so low as to guilt trip them. Now they have to waste their sympathies on a pokemon like you”-

But before he can react…. he feels the embrace of two Pokémon.

“Wh- What are you two…?-“

“…It’s okay…W-We know…” the Lucario whispers, slightly choking on his words “You don’t have to say anything…..”

“We… we already forgave you… didn’t we…?” The pink ribboned pokemon protests, tears threatening to fall from her eyes; her cheeks flushed with red. “So just stop!!… Stop beating yourself up over it..!!”

“…You should hate me…” Dusknoir states, unaware of himself beginning to spiral again “After everything I’ve done- how can you two still?!-”

“LOOK AT US FOR ARCUES’ SAKE!!” Ribbon’s shouts; snapping the ghost type pokemon out of it.

…Dusknoir slightly opens his eye after Ribbon’s demand… having the courage to look at the pokemon he wronged so many years ago… only for it to open to a teary eyed Sylveon and Lucario.

“…Do…?” Aimilios laments.

“…Do we look like we hate you…….?”

Those words almost break something in Dusknoir. Ribbons and Aimilios continue to stare at him, seemingly waiting for an answer.

But… there’s no need for one.

He looks at the two; feeling his tears to begin resurface.

Dusknoir slowly reaches out to Aimilios and Ribbons’ faces; his arms slightly trembling. He begins to use the same hands he had once used to bring harm to the Lucario and Sylveon to gently wipe away their tears; both of them leaning into his touch without hesitation. What follows suit is another embrace- Dusknoir finally reciprocating this time.

He hugs Ribbons and Aimilios as if they were to disappear at any moment. Like his life depended on it. The next few minutes are followed by quiet sobbing, laughter, and bittersweet hugs from all three. No words are spoken, exchanged, or shared.

…Dusknoir is… slightly humored by the memory of when he used to comfort Ribbons and Aimilios when they were still an Eevee and Riolu… and now they’re they’re the ones comforting him. How the tables have turned.

…Despite most of their tears seemingly coming to a stop… they do not detach from eachother. Both Ribbons and Aimilios still hugging Dusknoir, as he holds them close.

“Dusknoir…” He looks at them.

“We love you…” Aimilios softly hugging him, hoping the words will go through to Dusknoir if he does.

“Even…!!” Ribbons strengthening her embrace on Dusknoir; still very emotional from the past few minutes “E-Even when you don’t…”

…He feels his eye begin to water again.

He doesn’t know if he’ll ever forgive himself.

He doesn’t know if he’ll ever come to peace for what he did.

…But.. He holds them closer.

They do.

…All three of them fall into a slumber shortly afterwards; Grovyle and Celebi returning to a sleeping Dusknoir, Sylveon, and Lucario; the two younger Pokémon softly snoring in ghost-type’s arms while Dusknoir holds them; all three of their eye’s dried out from the tears they’d shed.

“…You think we missed something?” Celebi giggles to herself.

“…No.” Grovyle responds, leaning on the doorway smiling. “I don’t think we did.”