#thanks for like. actually triggering me dude you’re sooooo nice and coool

[griancraft]

Dude what the hell is wrong with you. there are non-sexual methods of grooming? this is disgusting to send someone after they open up about a traumatic event. I should not have to go in depth about trauma that ruined my life to be seen as valid. But here we go I guess.

They ruined my fucking life. Don’t you dare say that my trauma isn’t valid when we’re discussing an adult with a power imbalance exploiting a minor. Cause that’s what happened to me. Non sexually, but sexual trauma isn’t the only type of trauma out there.

I feel stupid for feeling like this but I need you to know this isn’t okay. Im talking from my perspective as someone who was exploited. Groomed, really, as strange as that is to admit. Im saying that I don’t feel comfortable with people who support him following me. I’m not making any statements I shouldn’t be.

Tw for. Fucking everything I guess. Grooming, talk of mental health issues, so on. This is more than I’ve shared with anyone ever. I’m sorry. I don’t want to post this but it’s going up I guess!!! Fuck!!!

Like dude I had my innocence taken advantage of. They got money off of me, made me believe I had to get the job they wanted me to in order to support them because they didn’t want to work. I was 15 turning 16. This group of 3 adults ranging from 18-20 were proshippers who frequently gaslit me (the actual definition of the term) and exploited my poor mental health in order to use me. They used my symptoms of BPD and DID to make me feel scared they would leave and memory issues.

They made me feel like I was in the wrong for being uncomfortable about them shipping minors and adults. They made me feel like I was in the wrong, and that I was evil for standing up for myself. I am so fucked up bu them I have to constantly ask for reassurance that people don’t hate me YEARS later. I say I but I am legitimately not the same person. I am one of the alters that split from Kevin. I have not been me for years and it fucking sucks I don’t remember my childhood because of how much this overshadowed my life and changed it forever. I will never be who I was before that ever again. I will never feel the same I will never have the same interests or friends because they don’t know what it’s like to have every waking moment terrified. Terrified that they’re going to find you again.

Every time I see Everyman Hybrid fanart I fucking shake and feel like I’m going to throw up. My blood runs cold whenever someone gets mad at me or is upset with me. and it’s getting better now but it used to be so fucking bad I would block friends I loved because they were mildly annoyed. You don’t fucking know my trauma. You don’t know how this ties into my view of my body and my sexual experience. How I view friendships and relationships and how I loose everyone I fucking loved because I have hours long breakdowns about how they’re using me for something or making fun of me or how they don’t actually like me. About how I’m just like those freaks who messed me up for life. They wanted to meet up. They made me feel like my body was theirs, not in a sexual way but in a more literal sense. I wasn’t good enough unless I was doing something to service them. I fucking hate airing my trauma online because I go oh it wasn’t that bad but it was.

Did you know I had to go to my adult friend and get him to talk me down from killing myself? Did you know that they told me they were scared of me and that I was a terrible person? That’s fucked me up forever. Forever and ever. I will never stop thinking about that. Ever! I will never consider myself a good person.

They’re into MCYT. I never know if they’re going to find me, find my new blog. I used to live in fear of them finding me and telling people what I thought I did. I did nothing wrong but I thought if people found out what they did to me, how I let myself be hurt, they would hate me.

I’m. Going to log off for a few days I think. Maybe not because Im so fucking tied to this bell site. I’m not sure if I feel safe being here for a bit, at the least.