#that acc is now private tho so i might as well repost it here

[ren-lui]

<?> I MADE MY ARKHAM ASYLUM PSYCHIATRIST FALL IN LOVE WITH ME (NOT CLICKBAIT)

[candithedinosaur-blog]

sorry for the lack of art...

im just not feeling very confident lately. i had like five requests from this person who i wont mention and im too scared to tell them how i feel. keep reading if you wanna know what stupid stuff's been going on in my head for the past week. BUT IF YOURE GONNA KEEP READING READ THE WHOLE THING BEFORE YOU KILL SOMEONE so as some of you know, i recently did a live stream drawing the person (lets just call them jam) jams "gemsona." but the problem is, this wasn't their gemsona exactly. he literally just searched up fire opal in google and saw that he liked the design and just declared it his own gemsona. now, some people dont know that reposting art without the artist's permission is illegal, but i dont know the situation between google images and plagiarism so, im not sure if he was allowed to consider it his own. and if you watched my live stream, you could SEE him put into chat "you can make your own design." that just made me feel... furious. and a gemsona isnt a gemsona if its just something you saw on the internet and called it your own and THEN decided to make it a fan fusion. i cant remember if i actually sighed out loud, but if i did, it meant "ok you need to get the fuck out and get your own gemsona and guess what im not drawing that shit." but i try to keep my channel at least pg 13, and im a weak crybaby that is too scared to tell him how i feel. im too scared to tell anyone anything to their face or on the internet how i feel if it might make them have a bad opinion of me, and of course, i didnt want to cause arguments in the roleplay me and some other friends from the internet were in. and thats not all, jam has broken the same rule at least five times. rule number 2. no spamming. and before, there was also conflict with jam and some other guy who ill call draco. oh yea, forgot to mention that im the leader of this roleplay group. i literally had to kick out draco from the group and i made a biiiig mistake when i did that. draco came back and apologized. but that big mistake was, i shouldve kicked the both of them out. i feel bad for making draco feel like he was being personally attacked. so now that all of the group chat stuff is out of the way, its on to the main cause of the lack of confidence and art. so, like i said, jam has requested about five drawing from me, all at different times. he requested a point of the plagiarized fire opal design number one. he chose two pictures and he gave me the first one. so i made a point out of that and he used it for his pfp and gave me credit, yay, points dont take that long to do so it was cool. but there was more details to it. so, he first asked for a drawing of it and i said id make a point because it takes less time and im getting ready to pretend to go to sleep in a few hours. so i decided that i was done drawing on my pc for the night so i sketched a little fire opal point. so i send him a picture with the terrible colored pencil coloring and i said "well im done drawing on my computer for tonight but i can draw it tomorrow if you want" and jam said that he wanted the digital version, which i can see why. so in the morning, here is the average schedule for me : 11:00-12:00 - mom wakes me up 12:05 - we make lunch together and watch who wants to be a millionaire which plays for 30 minutes including commercials and it starts at 12:30, sometimes my dad comes home from work to get lunch, sometimes he doesnt. 1:05 - the chew starts and i either go take a shower and sit in my closet watching jse's the escapist series for about 30 minutes, or i do that without the shower part. 2:00 - im usually completely ready for the day and i have requests read (if any) and i think about what im going to draw since my mom doesnt want me staying up until 3am, she makes me put my phone and pc in her room during weekdays (sometimes she forgets and those days i take advantage) so i usually take my pc at around 2:15 pm sometimes we go shopping, sometimes we dont so when i go to sit in my closet watching yt, jam just messages me saying "hi" me thinking i was smart, i keep watching yt. jam says "can you see this?" and i keep the private dms unmuted incase if theres a problem in chat (the chats muted) for my rp acc they could just ask me personally. i go on instagram, and say "yea" and they legit say "can you make my point now?" i said "oh were going shopping i might be able to do it now bt i might have to do it later." we actually were going shopping and out of sheer panic, i finished changing and did the point. i did that, and then a few days later, he asks for the drawing so i did that on stream blah blah blah. but then he asks me for another point. my maximum for gemsonas are 1 rn. bt this wasnt a gemsona. it was jasper, but with splatoon hair. i dont play splatoon, but jam does. so i make the point AND HE DOESNT EVEN USE IT FOR ANYTHING. LIKE WTF. I COULDVE USED THAT HALF HOUR TO WATCH YOUTUBE. so, yea. then, the last thing. this was the last request and i already had like five at that point (hehe cuz they were points) so i decided to do it last because ya know, it was a full on picture, nothing much. so i dont start on it and he says "did you start on it yet" i said "no not yet im taking a break for tonight" and he knows i had a lot of requests that day. the next day, i sneak into my moms room and i see the notification that says "you dont have to do the drawing, if you dont want to" and i said "ok" just to be nice. and he said "but you can if you want" and i didnt reply. i almost said "oh well i ddint want to do it anyways" but i didnt. because im nice. he literally requested a drawing of himself wih splatoon hair. in the splatoon art style. like tf bro. thats the first time anyone asked for a drawing of them tho so i think im growing as an artist. BUT WAIT I FORGOT THERE WAS ONE MORE i cant remember what the drawing was, but i remember i was in a restaurant about to leav when hes like "so can you make it now" and i was like "no im in a restaurant but ill be home in like 20 minutes" and he said "okay well can you do it as soon as you get home?" and then he said "wait no im sorry i shouldnt have said that. i should have said enjoy your meal and take your time" so i cant remember what i said in return but i think i jsut replied with "okay" and when we got in he car i noticed that google maps said that it takes 30 minutes to get home and i told him and hes like oh geez and stuff. so i did the drawing for him and yea. thats basically it. oh yea, i didnt mention why i havent drawn lately. i havent been feeling good (no im not sick) and i have just been feeling... used for the past week. bt dont freak out or anything, im fine... well maybe not and the reason why i didnt want to put this on youtube is because he subbed to me and i dont want him to see this. well, not like anyones going to read this, in fact some people might unfollow me for this, so yea. you might not see art until next week