#that bear had me all types of screwed up in fourth grade

[starlit-eudemonia]

Me thinking abt Leander and wondering what is off abt him. Then it hit me.

He gives off the same vibe as this:

[rainydaycafe]

Wrong apartment, Sam

Summary: Moving in is never an enjoyable experience, but if you mix a recovering super soldier, a pretty neighbor, soft flirtations and a sudden misunderstanding; you have the recipe for a pretty sweet story waiting to unfold.

Warnings: None. Bucky Barnes is one in a million.

First chapter (part?) of the Neighborly Affection series I cooked up.

________________

Af-fec-tion: A gentle feeling of fondness or liking

Emilia really liked her apartment.

It was in a nice location near enough to her school to be walked to and from with a very reasonable rent after subletting from an elderly woman who was off traveling until the foreseeable future.

After months and months of work, she had finally gotten it to the point in terms of decoration and overall feel to have the homey feeling she had been wanting to have while she was away from home. It had been quite the hassle, but she had been successful.

The fourth floor of her building was less than eventful, especially where she lived in the far corner without a next door neighbor though it did mean she got a larger balcony.

Well she didn’t have a neighbor until she was sitting on her couch grading papers for Professor Barlow when she heard her front door attempting to be opened from the outside, but it was thankfully locked.

Sitting up quickly, she was startled even if she reasoned her apartment building was safe as she headed over to the peephole to see a man standing there looking confused down at the doorknob as though it were in the wrong.

Biting the bullet, she unlocked her door and swung it open, surprising the man who didn’t get to speak before another voice came down the hall.

“I said 225 not 226,” Said the voice, prompting Emilia to stick her head out of her door to see a tall man holding what seemed to be a superhuman amount of boxes before dropping them next to the empty apartment next door.

Well formerly empty now.

“Sorry,” Said the man who had attempted to open her door, “For trying to open your room and because you got this brooding toddler as a neighbor.”

Emilia cracked a smile, “It’s okay. Do you need any help?” She offered sincerely, glancing at the man unlocking his door before glancing away because he was the slightest bit intimidating.

And handsome.

“Uh- no. We can manage,” Said the man pocketing his key, “But thank you.”

Turning back to the man in front of her, she returned his smile after he had picked up the box from the floor in front of him.

“I swear, he’s good company.” He assured her with a wink before heading down the hallway before pausing right as she was about to close her door, “I’m Sam, by the way.”

Emilia popped out of her apartment again, “I’m Emilia.” She introduced and Sam nodded his head towards the apartment in reference to the man, “That’s Bucky. Or, well James.”

“It’s nice to meet you.” She said quietly and Sam grinned at her, nodding before leaving Emilia to shut her door and lock it soundly, the entire ordeal running around her head and replaying itself.

Her face felt hot and she knew she was blushing.

Sam had been really nice, but Buck- or well, James was different. He didn’t seem unkind, but preoccupied with his move. He was tall, broad, and almost ridiculously handsome in an old fashioned and classic type of way and Emilia knew she was beyond screwed.

She was being ridiculous.

There was no reason she needed to have the memory of James running through her head as she attempted to correct freshman English.

However she was entirely oblivious to the conversation going on in the apartment next door.

“She's a pretty girl, Buck.” Sam told him as he sliced open a poorly taped box, earning a roll of the eyes from Bucky.

However Sam didn’t miss the way Bucky tried to smother a smile at the mention of the neighbor he had just met. It was obvious they had caught her off guard since she had been wearing leggings and a Boston University sweatshirt, and he knew she thought he hadn’t even noticed her but he had noticed her.

He had noticed everything about her “thanks” to his years as an assassin since that tends to carve your ability to observe and comprehend people in an instant.

“So what?”

Sam threw a dish towel at him, “She seems really nice. She’s pretty. Maybe, I don’t know- get to know her and see where it leads so you aren’t a lonely bitter grump all of the time?” He said as though it were obvious.

However, Bucky was fine.

“Just help me unpack, please,” Bucky said, “I don’t need any dating advice, man.” Shutting down the conversation until further notice.

___________________

They didn’t see or hear one another for the next three days, both of them caught up in their own lives and getting settled in.

That lasted until Friday when Emilia was digging her keys out of her satchel with one hand holding a grocery tote bag when Bucky’s front door swung open as she was about to pass it, startling her.

“Sorry,” He apologized, smiling as Emilia smiled at him and told him it was okay as she headed towards her door when he bit the bullet and asked her a stupid question.

“Wait,” Bucky called out, causing Emilia to turn around curiously, “Do you know how to unlock the balcony door? I can’t get it to open.”

Emilia’s slight confusion was evident but she quickly nodded, “Yeah, of course.” Before following Bucky into his apartment.

His apartment was essentially the same in terms of layout as Emilia’s, but it was decorated differently since it wasn’t really decorated at all. It all seemed a bit plain and rudimentary, but he was just moving in so there was always time for him to make it his own, she supposed.

Pointing towards the balcony door, Bucky said, “I’ve been trying to figure it out but it just won’t unlock.”

Readjusting her bag over her left shoulder, she quickly went over and lifted the hatch before sliding it open and pointing with a grin, earning a laugh from Bucky who knew he looked dumb but had gotten to speak to her again and had gotten her to laugh.

“Wow,” He said with a grin, “I’m really stupid, aren’t it?”

She shook her head quickly, “No, don’t say that. It’s a new apartment so it’s all weird and difficult to adjust to.” She assured him as they began walking back towards the front door.

Bucky had noticed her satchel and grocery bag, but opted to leave the satchel for another conversation and instead asked about the bag she was holding.

Exiting his apartment, she turned and opened the bag for him to see its contents which were powdered sugar and cream cheese.

“I’m thinking about making cinnamon rolls and I needed this for the frosting,” She explained, her face heating up but Bucky thought it was adorable.

He was screwed.

“I think cinnamon rolls are a beautiful way to spend a Friday,” Bucky justified for her, “Thank you for helping me open my balcony door.”

Emilia grinned at him, and he could feel himself becoming accustomed and enchanted by her grins which were soft and sincere towards him, something he hadn’t felt in a long, long time.

They bid their goodbyes and Emilia was soon entering her apartment with a bitten back grin attempting to win control as she dropped her satchel next to the door alongside the shoes she had just kicked off before swinging the tote bag onto the counter and jumping up and down a bit.

For a 24 year old graduate student with a bachelor’s degree in English lit she was acting like a 13 year old girl with a crush who had never gotten the right kind of attention from a cute boy.

Bucky on his own side of the wall was grinning as he plopped down onto his couch and began scrolling through what Sam called “Nextflix” or something after allowing him to use his account.

As stupid as the excuse had been, he had gotten to speak to her and see how truly kind she was.

Of course, he had been slightly worried she would freak out at the sight of metal arm’s hand gleaming underneath the hallway lights, but she had barely even glanced at it, or maybe she had not even noticed it at all.

Either way, he felt calm about it because he had found a new therapist with the help of Sam who had led him in the direction of acceptance of the past and the inability to change it regardless of how much he wanted it to be different.

He was who he was now, and while he had no control over being an assassin, he had control over who he was now.

This didn’t mean the insecurities were all gone…. But he had a solid amount of stability and he felt he was able to look forward to what he could have here while picking and choosing who he let in.

The way he was drawn to Emilia was something he hadn’t really ever encountered on something other than a physical level even before the fall, but he wasn’t about to fight it either.

____________________

By 6:50pm Emilia was going against her better and humble judgement as she packed four cinnamon rolls away into a glass tupperware container before snapping the lid shut.

He had mentioned cinnamon rolls sounding lovely on a Friday night, and her father would be so offended by her lack of kindness towards a neighbor who was obviously a fan of what she was baking.

It was to be polite and kind.

It was most definitely not to get another good look at his steel blue eyes planted so perfectly on his almost inhumanely handsome face with his cologne following him just about everywhere in his apartment.

She had seen a shiny glint on his left hand, causing her to glance and see he had a black and gold metal prosthetic, yet somehow it made him feel all the more mysterious and entrancing.

Clutching the container in her hand, she made her way over to her door where she slid her socked feet into her go-to Birkenstocks and glanced down to what she was wearing and grimaced.

Dark blue leggings and a long sleeve Smokey the Bear shirt.

She could change, but there was no way someone would believe she was just casually looking cute while baking after he had seen her outfit after her return from school so she couldn’t just show up looking cute.

Rolling her eyes, she stepped out of her door and made sure not to lock it behind herself. She was acting ridiculous and it was becoming too much because she was acting as though there were someone to dress up for.

All this was doing was getting her hopes up and preparing her to be crushed.

Knocking on his door, she heard footsteps gather towards the door before it swung wide open and there stood James.

“Hi,” Emilia said as she held up her container proudly, “I made the cinnamon rolls and thought you would like some.”

There was genuine surprise on his face before he cooled his expression, “I would love some.” But she could still see that he was really surprised at her kind gesture at an off comment he had made without expecting anything.

Emilia handed him the container and for whatever god forsaken reason gave him a thumbs up which earned a laugh out of Bucky who glanced back into his apartment which was still respectfully clean after unpacking what was left.

“Do you want to come in and have some with me? Uh- Sam gave me a list of movies to watch and we could maybe watch one?” Bucky asked before quickly adding “But only if you want to.”

Caught off her guard herself now, she was soon nodding before gesturing to her apartment, “Let me just grab my phone and lock my door.” Because while Bucky was handsome and seemingly perfect, she couldn’t just go into a man’s apartment without a phone. She had some sense inside of her, afterall.

“Do you drink milk with your cinnamon rolls? Tea? Water? Chicken broth?” Bucky asked with a teasing flint in his eyes before she could go and Emilia shook her head and laughed.

“I’m lactose intolerant, but I have oat milk. Do you like oat milk?”

Bucky shrugged, “I’ve never had it. I didn’t even know it was a thing.” Which earned an eyebrow raise from Emilia who told him she would be back quickly.

Returning quickly, she made her way into Bucky’s apartment clutching her vanilla oat milk proudly while oblivious to the way Bucky stared at her ass in those leggings he thought were akin to a Godsend because good God did she have a fantastic ass.

Grabbing two glasses from his cabinet he handed them to Emilia who poured their milk as he grabbed plates for the cinnamon rolls before they both headed towards his couch, sitting on opposite ends.

Bucky carefully served them both a cinnamon roll before he grabbed a glass from the table and stared at it as Emilia looked at him, watching his reaction as he took a respectable size drink.

“That’s pretty damn good.” Bucky admitted with reluctance because he had always been a whole milk kind of guy, and the thought of milk coming from oats was just lunacy, but it sure was tasty.

He handed Emilia the remote and surrendered control to her.

“I haven’t really been…. Up to date with any movies so you’re the leader here.” Bucky insisted after she attempted to hand the remote back to him to no avail.

It was true, technically speaking.

Turning to the TV, she moved to the movie selection and really thought about what was a truly necessary watch as Bucky picked up his cinnamon roll and took a large bite. The groan he produced was entirely organic as he chewed, searching for a napkin to clean his mouth of the frosting.

Emilia smiled at his reaction before gesturing to the TV which was showing the thumbnail and description of “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” in a silent question which Bucky answered with a shake of his head as he cleaned his mouth.

“I’ve never watched it, but it sounds funky. Let’s watch.” He insisted.

Getting comfortable, they were both silent as the movie began its opening credits, however they both were a bit too caught up on attempting to sneak subtle glances at one another. Bucky was much more successful, but Emilia was truly feeling like she was 13 years old with a cute boy nearby.

“I have to ask; where did you learn to make these?” Bucky asked as he finished off his cinnamon roll while Emilia was about a quarter of the way through with hers after her eyes had become glued to the TV when they began feeling more comfortable.

“My dad, actually.” She said with a shrug, “He would make them on special occasions like birthday breakfasts, Christmas, or on days he thought should be special and he taught me how until it became second nature.”

His eyes softened at that. It felt private, like it was something intimate to share with someone.

“Well my respect goes out to your father because his past self blessed my current self because these are amazing.” Bucky complimented, smiling as Emilia blushed and fidgeted nervously much to his enjoyment.

Adjusting her leg to move underneath her, she gently set her plate on the table as she watched Charlie run home after obtaining the winning ticket, smiling to herself as Bucky smiled at what was happening on the TV.

Before either of them could ask a question or prompt another conversation, Emilia’s phone vibrated against the cushion, catching both of their attention.

“You can answer it, I’ll grab another cinnamon roll while you talk.” Bucky assured her when he saw how hesitant she was which earned a grateful smile from her as he stood with the container and left her to at least some privacy since the kitchen was behind the living room.

“Hello?” He heard Emilia answer, and while he had superhuman hearing he couldn’t hear what was being said on the other end of the line so he went about his business.

“Blaine, you left it in my apartment.” She said and Bucky raised his eyebrows as he set his dessert into the microwave for a quick reheat.

“Because you were wearing it the day you helped me move in but then you took it off and never took it when you left.” Emilia spoke into her phone.

Taking out the roll, he poked at it before deciding it needed more time to get softer as he pretended to be busy himself washing his hands as he still listened.

“No way. I’m keeping it until you physically take it out of my hands, it’s comfortable.” Emilia defended before laughing at what they said before the next line had Bucky raising his eyebrows at her next sentence.

“Yes I will take care of it, Blaine. I love you too, bye.” Before she hung up the phone and apologized as Bucky sat down but he waved her off with a lopsided smile.

Getting comfortable again, they hit play on the previously paused movie when Bucky dared to ask what was on the tip of his tongue because he had to know before he became much too far gone for his own good.

“Boyfriend on the phone?” Bucky asked casually, smiling as Emilia dropped her cinnamon roll onto her plate and shook her head fervently.

“No. God no.” She said with a huffy laugh, “That was my brother, Blaine. He was asking if he had left a sweatshirt here and asked me to mail it over to him, but I refused because it’s become a part of my ensemble.”

Bucky smiled, relieved at the information because this meant there was one less person to compete for Emilia’s affection with.

Emilia chewed her mouthful before she dared to be bold enough to ask if Bucky had a girlfriend, or even a boyfriend to which Bucky shook his head casually.

“No girlfriend. Nobody has caught my attention, you know.” He made a gesture with his metal arm, catching as Emilia looked at it but it wasn’t a judgemental look, more of a curious one.

Before getting into that, he needed to assure himself that he was making the right moves here.

“So no potential boyfriend to be known?”

That caught her off guard, causing her to blink at him not unlike an owl before stabilizing herself and shaking her head, “No. No potential boyfriend.” She told him soundly.

Bucky smiled and nodded, only saying “Good.” Before he turned his attention back to the TV as he left Emilia with her own thoughts as she mimicked his movements with a mind full of thoughts.

Her heartbeat was rattling around her chest quickly, her nervous becoming prominent at what was being implied mixed in with the knowledge that she couldn’t be exactly sure what Bucky meant by saying “Good.”

But somehow she didn’t mind all too much.

____________________

The remainder of the weekend and the following week had Emilia and Bucky spending an almost illegal amount of time together.

Much to his relief, the conversation about his metal arm was simple and more admiring from Emilia than anything else.

They had gotten to know one another, becoming comfortable and open with one another. To Bucky, this was unheard of but he found himself going along with it.

Especially after speaking to Dr. Elena about it on his weekly therapy session the Wednesday morning following a fourth hangout on Tuesday night which had sent him spiralling a bit at how entranced he truly was by Emilia.

He had mentioned her a bit the prior week, but with how much he actually enjoyed spending time with her the more he needed to speak to someone other than himself in the shower.

“Is it…. Am I thinking too much about this? Causing it to be something it’s not?” Bucky asked as he rested his elbows on his knees, watching carefully as Dr. Elena set down her notepad and looked at him.

“That’s not for me to answer, Bucky,” She answered as she waved her hands, “If you like someone then that’s all there is to it. Love has no timeline… sometimes it comes gradually after an extensive commitment and sometimes it comes rushing all at once, but either way it’s out of our control.”

“I’ve seen her almost everyday for more than a week now and I’m listening to the music she recommends…. What if I ruin it?” Bucky said as he dropped his gaze to the carpet between them and shook his head, “Everything in my life has become complicated one way or another and I don’t want to hurt her or-or complicate things.”

Elena crossed her legs and tilted her head, “What if you don’t? What if this is the one thing in your life that can be less than complicated? I’m not saying you two will be perfect, but perhaps it will be a grounding aspect in your life.”

He was silent as she continued.

“You lost control of your life for a long time, but you’re beginning the arduous process of healing. This is what comes with the territory because it’s natural to want someone with you, and you’ve entered this situation where it’s organic and easy between you and Emilia.”

Bucky took a deep breath, “The game of “what if” is endless, isn’t it?”

Elena nodded with a smile, “I’ll tell you something, Bucky. There are few relationships in life you’re going to get where it’s just easy enough as going with the flow. I wouldn’t drop the opportunity because you might be overthinking it when the signs are right there.”

There was silence between them until he suddenly spoke up again, his voice showing his awe.

“She didn’t… she didn’t make it a big deal.” Bucky said, prompting Elena to ask what he meant.

“When I told her about my past; about Hydra, the Winter Soldier, the kills…. She told me that it was okay. That it was heartbreaking to think about, but that it wasn’t within my control because I was a weapon, not the attacker.” He explained to her, his voice becoming shaky towards the end.

Elena had an impressed look on her face as she scribbled something down on her legal pad.

“Well then, Bucky, you’re on the lucky receiving end of someone doubtedly understand’s affection and that’s something special, isn’t it?” She asked, “Plus she’s on the receiving end of yours which is even harder to gain so that must mean something as well, right?”

That following Thursday Emilia had stopped at the grocery store to buy bell peppers and onions for a sudden craving for chicken fajitas after hearing a classmate mention having enjoyed some the night prior on a date.

She knew Bucky was a fan of chicken so she doubled the general meat quantity she would use for herself because the man could eat.

Sauteeing the vegetables, her thoughts wandered off to said neighbor and smiled to herself as she thought about spending even more time with him. She had assured him that he didn’t always need to hang out with her, but he had mentioned loving her attention and company.

It was just a matter of fact that she was far gone for him, but even as a friend she knew he was beautiful company.

Opting to head over to invite him over to dinner at her place, she was smiling at his front door until it swung open only to reveal an… uncomfortable looking Bucky standing there, looking as though he didn’t want her to be there at that moment.

The way his face fell had her own heart dropping in her stomach, making her want to be anywhere but there.

“Emilia,” Bucky said, sounding uncomfortable, “I didn’t know you were coming over.”

Before Emilia could excuse herself and apologize profusely, a very pretty blonde came around his shoulder and stared at Emilia before giving her a halfhearted smile as she looked her up and down as though she were a nuisance.

This was enough to send Emilia into a fit of apologies, “I’m so sorry, James. I didn’t know you were busy, I’ll just go.” Before looking down and heading to her own apartment, thankful for not having locked it as she rushed in and shut it soundly behind herself.

She had been so stupid.

Why had she allowed herself to believe he felt the same? Allowed herself to get her hopes up when she was so obviously ignorant to the fact that he was being friendly to his overly eager neighbor.

Reality was often unkind and crushing without regard, much like this moment where she began packing away the food with her appetite gone at the thought of him being locked away with such a tall and pretty woman.

They would be perfect together, of course.

Though regardless of her feelings, she was alone in her apartment feeling a dull ache in her chest alongside the humiliation as she had to put away the larger than usual portion of dinner that reminded her of how eager she was to just spend time with him.

Snapping the lids onto the container, she felt her eyes well with hot tears as they fell down her cheeks only to be wiped away by herself quickly because she wasn’t about to cry.

It was dumb.

It had all been so dumb, and her feelings were so dumb.

It had all been in her head, all of it. It was sickening, actually, to realize how ignorant she had been to the reality of it and all and how caught up in her head because here she was, upset at James for being what he was; a single man.

Sticking her pan into the sink, she washed while consumed by her own thoughts though she concluded she deserved a night in with ice cream to consume her sadness.

________________

After washing the dishes and turning off the lights, she had laid herself down on her couch with only her living room light on as she corrected a few leftover quizzes from that day before allowing her night to be consumed by her emotions.

Well, until her ice cream softened enough to not snap all of her spoons in half.

Writing off a note to study the poet’s personal history, she was startled when she heard a knock at her door, causing her to pray it wasn’t James.

The knocks came again and soon a voice carried through the front door into her apartment.

“I know you’re in there Emilia. Open the door, please.” He said, and while Emilia wanted to act like she wasn’t there, she didn’t have it in her to be rude to him.

Setting her papers on her coffee table, she centered herself before heading over to the door to open it. Apparently she looked absolutely disheartened because Bucky’s already worried face became even more worried when he saw her looking absolutely crestfallen.

Her eyes were so sad and sincere he mentally punched himself for having hurt her.

“Emilia, it’s not like that,” He assured her, “She was just telling me about some work.”

Emilia swallowed and gave him a forced smile that didn’t reach her eyes before speaking with what she deemed to be a stable voice, “It’s none of my business. I was- I thought- I don’t know what I thought, but it’s really okay.” She told him with the same forced smile that broke his heart.

That added with the fading red rimmed eyes she wore, Bucky looked at her couch and saw the pint of ice cream on her coffee table and couldn’t take it anymore.

Bucky cupped her face in his hands and brought her to meet his eyes, “It’s not okay. Come on, let’s just talk, okay?” He asked softly, almost jumping for joy when Emilia reluctantly nodded in his hands and moved to let him in.

As they headed to her couch, Emilia felt all wrong footed.

Sitting down, Emilia wanted nothing else to be far away from Bucky and this entire situation, but she couldn’t kick him out either, regardless of how much she didn’t want to hear about this entire situation at hand.

Suddenly Bucky was digging into pockets and producing black bracelet as well as a white bracelet, both of them beaded with chakra beads in the middle.

He looked so happy to show it to her, picking up her wrist with his metal hand gently.

“I was out and I saw this little handmade craft stand near the farmer’s market you told me about one morning and I saw these bracelets,” Bucky explained hopefully as he clasped it on. “I am hoping that this will be a good concrete representation of how I feel because while I made a mess of this, how I feel about you isn’t a mess.”

Emilia stared down at it, feeling the light weight of it against her wrist as Bucky added, “It’s magnetic.” With his expression so hopeful she felt as though she were being looked at by a child.

“I had this whole idea in my mind where I would make my feelings clear when I felt the timing was right but apparently I failed at that.”

“It’s-” Emilia started but she cut herself off, feeling too vulnerable for comfort but she looked down at the bracelet and it egged her on somehow, “I’ve never dated anyone. I’ve had little crushes here and there, you know? But nothing concrete to where I made me want to seriously consider them as worth the investment and commitment.”

Bucky let her take the black bracelet out of his hand, watching as she snapped it into place for him on his flesh arm.

“Well as you know my dating hasn’t been exactly a priority but I thought about it before as any human does. But it’s easy with you, it really is.”

Before Emilia could send herself into a flurry of emotions, she was glancing up and suddenly Bucky was in her personal space and she felt the warm, soft pressure of his lips against hers.

For someone who held themselves as a dark person with an even darker past, Bucky sure had very well taken care of lips.

It wasn’t forceful or too much, it was soft but wanting as he attempted to convey how much he actually liked Emilia through one of the most intimate gestures reserved for love.

“I like you, Emilia,” He told her in a low voice while connecting their eyes, “I- I don’t have many people I’m close to. I keep everyone at arm’s length, even Sam. But with you I can’t and I don’t want to.”

“You’re a gem, James,” Emilia told him with such a genuine affection for his name Bucky felt his vulnerability become almost palpable.

“But I want to be selfish, for once in my life I want to be selfish with you and have you all to myself.”

Emilia closed her eyes and opened them again, attempting to regulate her emotions and actually accept what was being given and offered to her, something she thought was a conjuring of her mind.

“I don’t want to keep you at arm’s length either. I always thought relationships were always something I’d just observe you know? Like through movies.” She told him as she pointed towards Pretty in Pink, earning a chuckle from Bucky who raised his eyebrows.

“Well you don’t have to wonder anymore because you have me as much as I have you.” He gestured towards the bracelet clinging onto his wrist.

Taking hold of his metal arm, she nodded to him before breaking out into what had to be a bright enough smile to power the city before saying, “Okay. Good.” As she caressed his metal fingers with such softness he felt his chest crack wide open.

________________

[glitchyartist]

THANKS FOR THE TAG @ongaku-ato-kakikomi

Rules: answer 10 questions then ask 10 questions.

1. What was your favorite toy growing up?

I have a white Teddy Bear named Nana. She has a red nose and a white bow around her neck. I don't remember who gave her to me, but she has "Godiva 2004" stitched in gold on her foot. I'm guessing she was some kind of anniversary item for Godiva chocolate. I also have a Shadow the hedgehog plush, and all but one of his arms have fallen off and been sewn back on three times.

2. If you could time travel, where would you go?

Maybe the 70's. They had some awesome music and I could see the neighborhood my dad grew up in back when it looked nice. I've seen how it looks now, and yikes!

3. What is the best piece of advice you've ever received?

"if you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all" from my grandma and the movie Bambi. I am an empathetic person to the point where, if I upset someone I will instantly feel like I wanna jump off a bridge for doing so. Even if i was right about something. I try to be as nice as possible. Any insults a give people are given in a joking manner. If I'm ACTUALLY thinking of an insult for a person, I keep my mouth shut because it's just going to make both of us feel bad.

4. If you had to pick a new name for yourself, what would it be?

Probably what my parents were going to name me before they picked my actual name: Lorelei. My mom thought the name was pretty, but my dad's mom said no because that was the name of her sister, and they hated each other. And since they had already decided that if I was a boy, they were gonna name me Shawn, they decided on the female version of Shawna instead. But apparently this is the "weird" spelling, and people keep spelling my name with a "U" instead of a "W".

5. What's your favorite cheesy pickup line?

I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

6. If you could ask your cat three questions, what would they be?

To my cat Bendy, What happened to Alice and Cheese? Was it you or Mac that knocked up the cat down the street? And, why do you yell at me so much?

7. What is the funniest thing you've ever seen a stranger do?

Not sure if this counts, but since we live in the woods by a lake, we get all kinds of people come up to ride or hike the trails. The main road to the lake passes right by our house, and it's not unusual to see hikers, bikers, people on dirt bikes and ATVs, and even people on horses pass by our house. We're usually alerted to their presence by our dogs barking at them. But I will never forget the one time two people walked by our house with THREE LLAMAS. They were having trouble getting past our house because our dogs were barking and llamas are more skittish than horses. I've never seen people with llamas come up here again.

8. How many days in a row do you wear the same pair of pants before it becomes a problem?

Sweat pants and pajama bottoms I'll wear for about a week before I throw them in the laundry hamper, and unless they actually get really dirty, you don't really have to wash jeans that often. If they stay relativity clean, a pair of jeans can last me about a month.

9. Which movie sequel do you wish you could erase from history?

I probably could've lived a happy life if Shrek 3&4 had never existed. Keep the Puss in Boots spin-off, but burn those two.

10. Who was your worst teacher and why?

I've been homeschooled most of my life, and any time I had a teacher for an extracurricular thing I liked them. Although, there was a time when I was part of a charter school thing, and one of the teachers in charge of distributing the textbooks to the students screwed up and gave me the fourth grade math book, WHEN I WAS IN FIFTH GRADE. we didn't find out until the end of the school year so I had to do fifth grade math in sixth grade and that threw everything off and I ended up having to do sixth grade TWICE. I was already a year ahead of other kids my age anyway so it didn't make THAT big of a difference. But still!

And now for my questions,

1. What's your favorite music genre?

2. What band(s) or song(s) remind you of your childhood anytime you hear them?

3. What's your favorite Pokemon type?

4. If you suddenly woke up in cowboy times, what job would you want to have?

5. What is an accent you like to mimic? (You don't have to mimic it well)

6. What kind of collections or mini shrines do you have?

7. What dog breed would you want to own?

8. What cat breed would you like to own?

9. Five Nights At Freddy's or Bendy And The Ink Machine?

10. Roll for dexterity.

Tagging @the-pumpkin-demon @10th-no-name-person @randowaffle @anon-green @pmaismydna @caesardoe @fairyofsomething

[cuteteacakes]

Does anybody in this day and age believe in real magic?

I’m going to tell a very personal story. It’s why, despite science and math and everything in between that constantly disproves magic exists, I believe in real magic. Under a read more because like I said this is a tab bit personal.

tldr; There’s more in common with me and Caspar than you might think.

When I was in fourth grade, my two closest friends began to do things that I just wasn’t into. One of them played soccer all recess and the other played tag all recess. I just wasn’t into that. I started just wandering by myself more and more. I didn’t mind it. I learned to enjoy being by myself. 

I don’t remember which month it was, but it was in the winter (because there was snow) and I was standing on top of this boat-like play structure that was kind of new. Newer than the wooden play structure that dominated most of the playground. But anyway, I was standing up there, just looking out, and a gust of wind blew by my face. I can’t tell you what I experienced, but I felt connection. I mean yeah, I did read Tamora Pierce’s “Sandry’s Book” and maybe I was projecting myself as Tris who could control storms, but I really did feel a connection to the wind. 

You probably think that this was just a phase I had as a kid, big imagination and everything. Oh I felt a gust of wind against my cheek and maybe it blew into my ear so I heard that loud “whooosh”ing sound and thought it was talking to me, but no. I went on a camping trip when I was in middle school, it was a week long and at Big Bear Lake (it wasn’t a lake, it was a puddle) (and it was the worst week of my life) in California. The cabin I stayed in was three walls and a tarp. Since my sister was in another cabin, and the girls in mine were typical SoCal valley girls never-peed-in-the-woods-before types (unlike me who had grown up in the woods) I was kind of on my own. Remember I was like 12 or 13, I should’ve been past that imagination/magic stage and worrying about social cliques and stuff, but I was talking to what I considered then the “California Wind.” I slept right next to the tarp, and I would lay there on my bunk and make the tarp go in and out with my hand (and the wind). 

You think now that I’m an adult I see these as imaginative child fantasies of my youth? FAR FROM IT. While I know I can’t “talk to” or “control” the wind, I still feel a connection to it. I really like the sound of it in my ears, the feeling of it blowing against my skin. And sometimes when I’m outside and I feel a gust, I know it’s time to go inside. I can’t explain it. It’s like I just know the feeling the wind gives me...

So yeah, you can call me crazy, or a little off and maybe I have a screw or two loose. I was born hydrocephalic, I had brain surgery done, I have brain issues I get it. But I still firmly believe that what I experienced when I was nine was real. And it stayed real up to today. And I’m sure it will continue to be real for me until I die. Does anyone else have some real magic stories they want to share? I can’t be the only one, right?