#that being said if anyone actually reads this I am kind of curious what they'd think

[tunashei]

First Impression of Animorphs!

I'm listening to the Animorphs series while I work, through Animorphs Aloud - a fan made reading of the series. Here are my first impressions/random thoughts about them! Spoilers below if you haven't read them.

Book 8: The Alien

OOOOOOH AX POV! Ax Pov! This is not a drill! I am so hype

Oh the mental imagery of Ax watching the space battle above him while sitting alone in this artificial dome is so...so emotional. The strange disconnect of watching helplessly in a veritable garden of eden as your brother and others fight above you in the cold vacuum of space. I'd like to draw it

And then the absolute terror of being ejected from your ship and falling into the ocean of the nearby planet. Stuck beneath miles of water pressing down on you. Chills

Also now I'm really curious what the surface of the sea looks like if you're looking up at from below many miles

Ooooh we got little diary entries! Very amusing! This book is starting off so strong

Loving the amount of planning for taking Ax to a movie, they've learnt from previous times!

One of the reasons I was so excited for Ax pov is stuff like learning all these Andalite words, and bits of biology, the different ways of observing things. Alien perspective is so interesting

Confession time, I listened to this book before Megamorphs 1 which is before this book in the timeline. So I had no idea was a Veleek was and was rather confused they'd beaten one

I love the regular forays into Ax's Adventures with Food. Please don't eat cigarettes baby

I was cracking up at work for this whole sequence. Got some funny looks.

Going to make a prediction. Seerow's Kindness is referring to Andalites helping out the Yeerks somehow. Also Seerow is Visser Three's Andalite Host.

My man eat with he feet

I'm so here for Ax and Tobias best buds friendship

Ax confirmed canonically hetero this is a sad day for us all :(

Ok why after the semi-disaster of the movies would you take Ax to school, that is one of the most stressful confusing environments for anyone. Also schools have registers they're not going to just let you bring in a new kid

Unless maybe the teacher won't care because they've got a bloody Yeerk dying in their head! The book has predicted this predicament!

However, very unrealistic that the kids fled the room instead of crowding around the freaking-out teacher. You'd spend 20 minutes chasing them out the room and they'd still crowd around the door peeping in.

Oh this is...a bad thing to have hidden Ax. Poor Jake. This whole conversation is very tense. Ax bringing up his brother as if to remind Jake he's already lost HIS brother to this war

Ax is always described as blue-and-tan, implying he's more blue than tan. I have a hard time believing people would think he's a deer from a distance considering his colours

Huh...wouldn't it be weird to never have moonless nights? The stars are always brightest on those days, great for stargazing. I wonder how bright the night would be if you had multiple moons. Or would it not be additive?

Fascinating evolutionary implications from a species having a biological clock that makes them war every 62 years. Some kind of mass population cull? Ensuring only the strongest breed?

Ok this is pretty funny but actually made me reconsider how we appreciate stuff?? Actually kind of mindblowing. We really don't appreciate food as an art form. After I'd listened to this bit at work, my boss gave us all a tin of chocolates. Ate them on the way home and took some time to really savour the flavour. My life is being enriched by these books.

'He was a male-as all human fathers are' Implication Andalites can have female fathers??? Maybe. Would be cool.

Ax totally winning at social interaction

Aw Ax, you are being very brave :(

Huh so this Yeerk controller loved another Yeerk? I could have sworn in a previous book it said they were incapable of love, I think the one where Jake gets infested

Poor Ax. You really feel his struggle in being compared to his brother, now having to take the blame

The yeerk just fuckin bailed out the andalite?! I was not expecting this. You beat Visser Three?!

Aight so the Visser's andalite was not Seerow. He's just...some guy. Ngl was hoping for a bit more info on that, I've been very curious how Visser Three got an andalite which no other Yeerk has acomplished

Although...they're on the home world? Maybe there are other andalite controllers. Ruh roh

You guys are absolutely going to regret not putting this andalite out of his misery. He's literally begging for death and you know the horrors of being infested, and will be an incredibly powerful enemy again if you leave him. I mean, you couldn't even try to lug him out of there? How many people are going to end up killed in the future because Visser Three remains an andalite?

Called it on Seerow's Gift being helping the Yeerks. I kind of get it though I'd feel sorry for any sapient species that had to life it's entire life as a slug in a pool

Winced when Ax confessed his fears of giving humans help that would lead them to be conquerors, and Marco brushing it off. Humans would absolutely become conquerors, it's in our history

Wow. This is definitely my favourite book so far. I expected it would be, I'm very into xenofiction (when a book is written from a non-human perspective) but I think the emotional journey was also great in this. The ending was a bit quick and weak. But overall great.

[innerchorus]

Gurgin for the ask game, pick and choose whatever numbers you want! It's a free-for-all! :D

I probably am gonna ask you about Shapur, Isfan, and Kubard later too because of course I am

I said I wanted to answer every question for him and I wasn't lying. Thank you for enabling me! (Ask game post is here, for anyone else who wants to send something in / reblog it themselves. I have a few others to answer already which I'll get too asap now this post is done, but feel free to send in more!).

My first impression of them

Just one of a handful of evil masked guys. Best mask design by a long way, though.

2. When I think I truly started to like them (or dislike them, if you've sent me a character I don't like)

I first got curious about him when I read about his backstory and found out about his shared past with Farangis. Honestly I'm not quite sure how I got to the point where I love him as fiercely as I do now, but I know I started shipping him with Zandeh after seeing art by @strangeshipper and it built from there. I don't know. I just find him really interesting.

3. A song that reminds me of them

I know I've mentioned You Are The Blood by Sufjan Stevens before, but also Don't Worry, We'll Be Watching You by Gotye (POV: you are being recruited by Team Zahhak).

4. How many people I ship them with

Always with Zandeh. OTP status for sure. I have considered other stuff (such as the Zandeh/Gurgin/Parizad OT3) though. And Hilmes/Gurgin in Mage Hunt AU. And if anyone wants to suggest other ships for him, I'm listening.

5. My favorite ship of them

Zandeh/Gurgin, obvious answer is obvious.

6. My least favorite ship of them

I don't know whether anyone actually ships it but Gurgin/the Master.

I won't lie, it's crossed my mind, but my headcanon is primarily that although the Master was once interested in stuff like that he's been alive for so long that he doesn't really have those sorts of urges any more (overlaps a bit with my thoughts on how the type of magic that Team Zahhak use might affect sexual desire, I don't think I've directly mentioned that before but the basic concept is that it can warp it from its baseline just as it warps their bodies, and results vary from person to person, but it's quite common for it to be either dulled or switched off completely and kind of goes hand in hand with the headcanon that their magic renders them sterile).

Gurgin in Sacrifice AU falls into that category, he doesn't completely lack interest but his focus is dominated by his work for Team Zahhak and by the time the AU picks up his story afterwards he's also underweight and depressed so his sex drive is basically 0. And then he meets Zandeh, and gets better, and realises what it's like to want someone so badly you can't think of anything else, lmao

(My headcanons for Gurgin vary a bit in this respect depending on the AU, though. There's probably an AU out there where his desire never returns or he never had any in the first place but even in that case I still see him and Zandeh as life partners and feel they'd work it out somehow.)

7. A quote of them that you remember

What he says when he's rallying his comrades at the end of Book 7 after their Master is (temporarily...) killed: "Let those who do not respect the Snake King Zahhak boast of their victory! Three years, just three years is enough. At that time, they will fall from the peak of joy to the bottom of the valley of despair. The higher they climb, the further they fall!"

It's primarily the last line that sticks in my mind. If I ever make the Gurgin playlist that I daydream about so often, I'd definitely title it 'The Further They Fall'. Anyway, that's actually the last line of dialogue from the final scene of Book 7 (the last book before the timeskip). A very ominous way for it to end, right?

8. Your favorite outfit of them

He has One Outfit. (He would've worn something different when he was a trainee priest, but there's no description of it. A manga flashback to that time feels much less likely now, but you never know, maybe Arakawa will decide to reveal a little of Farangis's backstory before the end… my one hope…)

9. Your least favorite outfit of them

One Outfit, and I love it so no complaints. But I wish Arakawa had planned to adapt the second half so I could see him getting drenched by the rain in Soleimaniye.

10. Describe the character in one sentence

My blorbo who did lots of things wrong.

11. What’s the first thing you think about when thinking about the character?

Huh, this question made me realise that in the mental picture of Gurgin that first pops up when I think of him, he's not wearing his mask. His hood is up, though, and he's in Team Zahhak black. Maybe it's because I've been thinking about the Magical Healing AU more recently, where his appearance is often like this.

12. Sexuality hc!

He doesn't waste much time thinking about it, but he's mainly into men. However, I do headcanon that he had a crush on Farangis when he was young.

13. Your favorite friendship they have

This question makes me sad because I don't see him as someone who's ever had many friends. I don't think his peers at the temple liked him that much (though honestly I think he probably felt quite indifferent about this). There were a handful of other trainees he spent time with, but his closest friends were probably his brother and Farangis. There's certainly no real evidence of friendship between any of the Team Zahhak disciples.

He deserves more than having one-sided conversations with winged apes! Was that mainly for exposition purposes in canon? Perhaps, but it's also a result of a lack of human contact — the novel makes it clear that the mages feel loneliness as their numbers dwindle, and at that point Gurgin is operating alone and hasn't heard from his remaining comrades for a while.

(He absolutely does talk to Hamkar from time to time in Sacrifice AU before Zandeh arrives on the scene, too.)

14. Best storyline they had

Is there anything about his canon trajectory that I really wanna label 'best' lmao? I mean, I wish things had turned out different for him but I do find his loss of faith / corruption arc interesting. Though that's because I also love to think about a future for him where that all gets reversed.

15. Worst storyline they had

His involvement with what went down in Oxus, probably. Oof.

16. A childhood headcanon

You know, I haven't spent much time thinking about what his childhood was like (aside from Mage Hunt AU specifics that differ from whatever a general /baseline headcanon would be). I guess the only thing I feel certain of is that he and his brother had no other siblings, and whatever region they grew up in didn't have much to offer in terms of creating a better life for themselves, and that's why they ended up at the Temple of Mithra in Khuzestan. (Tentative headcanon is that he grew up in / near the Nimruz mountains.)

Aghriras entered the priesthood because of ambition, and that reasoning makes sense for Gurgin, too (they're azat, freeborn commoners aka the lowest social class above slaves, and if they want to climb above the few opportunities that affords to them then it's either joining the priesthood or proving their merit on the battlefield) but I do think that to a certain extent Gurgin followed his brother.

lmao I can feel a backstory headcanon forming even as I type this.. like, what if their father died or left them when they were young (Gurgin probably doesn't remember him much) and they were raised by their mother, who wanted them to have a better life than she had? She wouldn't have wanted them to face the horrors of war, so she encouraged them to work hard on their education so that they could find their place in the priesthood. Perhaps she, too, had passed away by the time they left for the temple, so at that point they only had each other. I feel like Gurgin didn't have any close family after his brother died.

Oh no Gurgin, are you desperate for recognition from your Master because you never had a father figure? Fuck.

17. What do you think their first word was?

Eh, probably some variation of 'brother' or 'mother' (with the headcanon above). I feel like most first words are… not that interesting.

18. How do you think they were as a kid? (Like, were they shy, noisy, wild, etc)

Curious and intelligent! Asked a lot of questions. Easily frustrated when things didn't go his way. I imagine at school he had trouble making friends as he both sought approval from his teachers and thought himself superior to others who were not as clever as him, plus he could be impatient with others. (He was, in general, a bit better about all of this at the time he joined the priesthood, but when he's with Team Zahhak all those negative traits are brought to the fore.)

19. The most random ship you've seen people have with them

Well, I'm not sure this really counts but sometimes I'll ask my boyfriend really weird ArSen questions out of the blue, and recently I asked him "give me a Gurgin ship" and usually when it's something like that he'll try and pick something at random that he thinks I won't like… He said Gurgin/Farangis.

(No, he didn't remember that they knew each other. And I can't think of a way this would work but it sure gave me a whirlwind of feelings to think about. The thought of something happening between them because of shared grief, years after they last saw each other? It's so angsty and messy. If something did happen I think Gurgin would feel immensely guilty for it, but I'm not sure about Farangis. I feel like she might be able to compartmentalise it as something that happened that shouldn't have done, and move on. She'd handle it better than Gurgin, at any rate.)

Wait, my Hilmes/Gurgin ship is pretty random I suppose? Think of that as an alternate answer. Zandeh/Gurgin probably qualifies too given that they don't ever meet in canon, but I can't see it that way now, not after spending so much time thinking about them together.

I've also had very vague thoughts of yeeting Gurgin back into the past, but would I ship him with anyone in that circumstance? Eh, not sure.

20. A weird headcanon

I'm sure I have many! The 'he likes hot baths' headcanon is a pretty random one that came from 1. reading that the real Mount Damavand has some pretty nice hot springs near it (which in ArSen verse are probably disgusting bubbling sulphurous poison mud pits but whatever), and 2. the fact that he probably had a bad time during the flooding of the Dark Temple and it amuses me to imagine him enjoying water in a different context? I just want to let him relax from time to time? He works hard, he deserves it.

I want to write a bath scene for him in Interlude (Magical Healing AU). Or I keep thinking about a comedy scene of him at one of Ecbatana's bath houses with a gaggle of bird-faced beasts for company, because it amuses me.

Here's another headcanon: he's pretty bad at archery. It was taught at the temple, but it didn't interest him much and he wasn't that motivated to work on his skills, even though Farangis tried to instruct him. As far as weapons go, later on he uses a Team Zahhak-typical knife, which he wears strapped to a thigh like Farangis. (He still has it in Sacrifice AU! Chekhov's Snake Knife lmao.)

21. When do you think they were at their happiest?

When he was at the temple with Farangis and his brother, before things went wrong. Other than that, he was pretty fucking ecstatic in Book 16 when the Master said that he would be his successor (disregarding the fact that it's because there is literally nobody else left at that point lmao). I'm not sure I believe the Master was ever planning on stepping aside, but whatever.

22. When do you think they were at their lowest?

After his brother's death.

23. Future headcanon

The whole of Sacrifice AU, I guess. Just anything where he makes it out of Team Zahhak and tries to lead a different life.

24. What do you think is a secret they have that they never told anyone?

I love this question. I wouldn't necessarily know the answer for every character but I do have a headcanon for this for Gurgin, and that is that no matter how vehemently he protested his brother's innocence, a small part of him wondered whether Aghriras really had done it. I don't think he'd ever admit that to anyone (except perhaps to Zandeh in Mage Hunt AU, where Gurgin's backstory adjustment gives him very good reason to hope that Aghriras had killed that particular person). The fact that Aghriras's innocence was later proven only makes it much worse.

25. When do you think they acted the most ooc

I don't think any of his canon scenes are OOC? Is that what this question is asking? I may not like what he does, but none of it feels unbelievable.

26. When do you think they were being "themselves" the most?

Maybe I'm picking this just because it's before he went down a dark path, but I think the conversations he used to have with his brother back when they were at the temple are pretty typical of his true self. The little flashback conversation we get in particular gives the impression of someone who's curious about stuff he maybe shouldn't be, and is attracted to power, but it also shows that he was willing to listen to his brother's guidance. I don't think he'd have ended up with Team Zahhak if his brother had lived.

Otherwise, his Book 16 decisions that get him killed are unfortunately also peak Gurgin, at least in his Team Zahhak era.

27. If they could meet a character from another show/movie/etc, who would be the most fun for them to meet?

Either (or both) of the Devil Forgemasters from Castlevania, 100%.

28. The most unnecessary thing they ever did?

Killing the dog at the temple. Or lashing out and cutting off the hind legs of a winged ape (a creature that is on his side, and under his command!) when his plans started to go wrong in Book 13.

29. How do you think they would be as a parent? (and if they are a parent, how do you think they would be if they weren't?)

Honestly, not great but not as bad as he might think. But it's not something he wants. Thoughts of having a family aren't really on his mind (except for AU instances where he's worried it's something Zandeh might want that he won't be able to provide).

30. The funniest scene they had?

Okay, Gurgin's not actually present in this scene but it's hilarious to me so I'm choosing it: after the winged ape attack on Soleimaniye in Book 13 was thwarted, Kubard and Narsus are discussing what happened. They don't know that Gurgin was the one in charge, but Narsus's opinion is that it couldn't have been Ilterish (the usual commander of the demon army) because Ilterish would've done a better job, lmao. Sorry Gurgin but your inexperience is showing.

Anyway, that's the end of the questions! Not sure how many people are interested enough in Gurgin to make it this far, but like... if anyone does want to talk about Gurgin with me... my inbox is always open...

[oblivious-aro]

I'm curious about your answers to questions 5 and 18 for the aro ask game (if you haven't already done these)

5. How did you figure out you were aro?

It can be a little tricky to explain because it was more of a gradual realization rather than a big 'oh!' moment. This might be a bit long, and it's a lot of explaining of subconcious thoughts rather than concrete events.

When I was about 18 I got really into researching sexuality/romance and lgbtqia+ stuff. I'd say before that, I didn't super think about it.

I had no idea that I was aro and assumed I was allo for my entire childhood. My line of thinking was 'I haven't had a crush yet, but I'm kind of interested to see what they're like someday.' Also I thought romance plots on TV tended to be boring and stupid. Although I guess at some point I subconsciously picked up the idea that everyone falls on love at some point.

Ironically I figured I was likely panromantic because I "felt the same about all genders". (I think I was about 20 when I picked out that label. Took a few more months to realize I was aro. )

As I was reading about people's experiences with attraction, I started to realize that what they were describing sounded so alien to me. I also realized that most people my age could confidently say they'd had a crush or at least felt attracted to someone, while my own feelings seemed more ambiguous.

But I mean, everyone falls in love right? I mean yeah, aromantic exists, but I don't hate the idea of romance, so that can't be me.

Eventually though I couldn't deny it; those people were feeling something I wasn't. I did not feel romantic attraction.

After I realized it took me a bit to get used to. I wouldn't say I was sad, (well maybe a bit disappointed, crushes seemed neat and I wasn't gonna get to try one), it was more that I hadn't even considered this a possibility, but apparently, it had been my reality for all my life without me realizing. I couldn't even call myself aromantic at first. I just said I "didn't experience attraction".

So basically it was a slow realizing that took me a while to get used to. Now that I'm used to it though, I think it's really neat. I like looking at how differently I think about some stuff because of my aro-ness.

18. Do you have any aro-spec headcannons?

Here's 3 that I can remember:

Badyah from Dead End: Paranormal Park. "I'm straight. At least, I think I am. Is this being straight, not thinking about it?". I feel like a good chunk of my aro experience could be summed up as not thinking about it, and, like, that's just a very aro thing to say. Ironically the episode she says this contains an arophobic microaggression, so it's likely that she's actually straight like stated (which is disappointing for a show with such a strong lgbt+ focus). Still, thinking I'd found an aro character naturally affected me so profoundly that still like to pretend.

Imogen from Heartstopper. She didn't seem as broken up as you'd expect someone to be over Nick rejecting her. And he didn't just say 'no' either. He said 'yes' and cancelled last minute. I appreciate that the show didn't shoe horn in too much unnecessary drama, but I feel like a person would typically be a lot more upset than Imogen ended up being. And then Nick says something about hiding your true self and just pretending to be the person everyone wants you to be and she gets it. I like to think that that means she's somewhere on the aro-spec. I even actually wrote a one shot fanfic about it.

Link from The Legend of Zelda franchise. Like, 5000 people show interest in him romantically and he does not care. Romance is not on this man's mind. Also, like, he's green. Nuff said.

Thanks for asking. I didn't figure anyone would ask me and I love answering aro questions 😊

[runawaymun]

Hey. I'm having a really hard time lately, and I wondered, if you had time, if you could write something about coming out as biromantic ace to the fellowship, and how they'd react? Maybe with one of the hobbits liking her. She/her pronouns. I hope this isn't too specific of a request. Thank you 💜

Hey hey my friend, I am happy to do this! I wasn’t sure if you wanted more of a series of headcannons or an actual ficlet. I’ll start with headcannons for now. Feel free to resubmit and ask for a ficlet later with any specific characters in mind if you like <3 

Coming Out as Biromantic Ace to the Fellowship

(this is long, so hit the read more. <3 I didn’t want to impose on anyone’s poor mobile dashes) 

Aragorn 

Aragorn is absolutely unfazed when you come out. He feels really honored that you felt safe enough to, and absolutely says so! He doesn’t need to ask too many questions about the specific mechanics of your sexuality and romantic preferences, as he grew up in Rivendell around a lot of queer and genderqueer people, but he does ask about what it specifically means for you and if there is anything he can do to make you comfortable. 

If anybody’s mean about it he won’t necessarily beat them up, but he’ll pull them aside for a very stern lecture and then make sure you’re okay. 

Gandalf 

Gandalf already knows this about you because he’s a maia. But he receives it warmly and insists that you coming out calls for a celebration and he’d absolutely want to throw a big ol’ party with the rest of the fellowship about it. Sam cooks, of course. 

Legolas 

Legolas is such a himbim so he’s very enthusiastic when you come out. He’d give you a friendly nudge in the shoulder (and probably underhandedly remarks that the Mannish approach to sexuality is strange, because he really doesn’t get why this is a big deal but he’s glad you told him in any case. Gandalf and Aragorn shush him before he gets very far with that ramble, though, because he can really go off when complaining about this aspect of Men). 

He knows plenty of biromantic ace Elves and definitely offers to introduce you to his friends. Just in case. Because he’s a little matchmaker (Aragorn also tries to get him to shut up about this, because he’s worried it’ll make you uncomfortable). 

Gimli

Gimli is so enthusiastic about this turn of events. Mostly because he thinks it’s GREAT that you’re biromantic ace. The way he sees it, that means that you can still have all the joy of romancing ladies and laddies and you have your head clear for crafting, art, or fighting!!! Very cool!!! Excellent!!!!!! CELEBRATE. Best of both worlds!1!

Boromir 

Boromir, bless his straight himbo heart, is really honored that you told him but utterly confused about how any of this works and has to ask a lot of questions. He’s really self aware and sweet about it, though! And super curious and happy to listen. 

If anyone’s mean about it they’re going to get a giant gloved fist to their face. He’s very protective of you. 

Frodo

Frodo is a sweet precious queer nugget. He’s not biromantic but he is very demi. So he’s really happy to have someone around who kinda gets him (Boromir’s confusion can get exhausting sometimes). You guys are total best buds and he can get very hotheaded if anyone’s being insensitive or asking dumb questions. Totally offers to introduce you to his other queer friends. 

Sam

Dear Sam! He is so kind and happy when you come out!! He insists upon cooking you something to celebrate (especially because Gandalf thinks there should be some sort of party, too, and who is he to argue with Gandalf?). He has a lot of queer friends too but he asks questions, a lot like Aragorn, because he wants to be very careful not to accidentally be insensitive. 

Merry

Merry is very smitten with you but hasn’t said anything because he could not, for the life of him, figure out what your sexuality was and didn’t know how to ask about it. Once you come out he’s relieved and asks a lot of questions! My boy is super ace, so kind of like Frodo he is relieved to have someone around who gets it (Pippin is his best friend but Pippin is also very pan. He’s respectful but he doesn’t get it-get it).

It doesn’t take him very long to ask if you’d be interested in dating, and if you’re down for it and you’re all back in the Shire he’ll show you all of his favorite hikes and picnic spots, all of his favorite trees and hills to stargaze on. He’s just a super chill dude and extremely attentive and doting. 

Pippin

Pippin is very unfazed when you come out, but kind of in that jovial, good-natured celebratory way. He helps Sam with cooking something celebratory (by GOD he will make you a cake! Somehow!). And thinks this is an excellent reason to scrounge up a good drink and some pipweed (but like...when isn’t a good time to scrounge up a drink and some pipeweed. It’s Pippin).

He absolutely adores you and is super hotheaded if anybody’s rude to you about this. All of the hobbits are, actually. If anyone’s mean they’re about to be rugby-tackled by four 3-foot-tall men. Pippin bites. 

I hope this works for you <3 and I hope everything gets better for you soon. 

[macaronnya]

Fresh(?) Impressions (4)

Other parts: |Trickstar| |UNDEAD| |2wink| |Ra*bits| |Akatsuki| |fine| |Ryuseitai| |Knights| |Valkyrie| |Switch| |MaM/Double Face/Crazy:B| |Eden| |Alkaloid|

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Hello Enstarries~☆ Back again with a new part of my ramblings about Enstars' colorful and massive cast, this time about our cute bunnies Ra*bits! I really should hurry up with this series, so that I can actually start to read the main stories....

DISCLAIMER!: Everything said here is for entertainment purposes only and not meant to attack anyone. This is not an accurate description of any characters but my subjective rambling for fun, so please don't take it too seriously. (Just to be safe, I'm kinda scared of elite idol fans) Also, you will hear me mention other games a bunch of times bc I'm that bad and uncreative at explaining and I'm still grieving A3!EN's shutdown. Eng is my 2nd (or 3rd?) language so there might be some weird grammar or spelling mistakes.

Without further ado....Let's Ensemble!☆

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Cute, innocent, babies, spring, bun buns. These are the first words that come to mind before I read their Ep.1. Ngl, I was taken aback by how serious it all was with real things like, fans, images, staying relevant etc. I thought it would be more casual like Kaoru and Reis' but, uhhhh hm 😶 I initially thought, they'd be way more annoying bc somehow cutesy idol characters (Ruby (Love Live), I am looking at you) end up like that to me and their voices didn't help. They're all more....normal?....mature...than expected. Anyways, their image is, as Tomoya said, "good boys", and I agree. They do look cute and I really love their various renditions of sailor uniforms. I live for the mix and match of the different styles and colors for every member. AND their little fluffy pom pom or smth at their waist 💓 I like their music a lot. It's very upbeat and often bubbly, sometimes more peaceful. Feels like baking a lot of sweets with friends and then having a picnic under the shade of a tree on a sunny but slightly windy day. My fav songs are Melty Kitchen & FALLIN' IN LOVE=IT'S WONDERLAND. Also, the * looks like a censor lol

7/10 - I like them more than expected and think they're gonna be quite interesting

Tomoya Mashiro

Apparently one of the most normal guys of the cast, which by default should make him stand out again. He does seem very normal: blond hair, brown eyes, maybe a bit on the shorter side, but he looks like a normal person. Nonetheless, he doesn't come off as just a random dude. Maybe it's bc of what I just mentioned? He looks very friendly, chill, and overall just like a good person. Would probably share homework but also help you with it if asked. Also, might like vanilla (not derogatory). His voice is the least distinct from his unit, whiyh is why I kinda don't really remember his parts.

7.5/10 - I wouldn't mind being in a group project with him

Nazuna Nito

Sei Shounen Yuugi S L A P S and it's such a shame there aren't more songs of him with Valkyrie. But it was kind of a toxic time for him? So, good on him for moving on *pats on back*, know your self-worth ✊ He doesn't like called being cute but, it's kinda his unit's image...? Idk why but I thought he'd be kinda rude and often pouty. And he does come off a bit cutesy with his oiiii~ and ehe~. Is he not human or what did he mean with feeling more human now? I would not be surprised if he's an android or smth not bc he give off those vibes but bc I've seen an android idol before (Ai (Utapri) if I'm not wrong but also Guy (A3!), even though he's not a real android).

6.5/10 - I don't have a real feeling for his personailty yet but I am curious

Mitsuru Tenma

Dash dash dash~ The bread loving sprinting cinnamon bun is here. His model looks the tallest of the four. Is more what I imagined everyone from Ra*bits to be like: kinda dense, clumsy, naive yet very earnest and optimistic. He might be the baby of the group. Actually, isn't he almost a himbo? But like before being buff. Does he still believe in Santa Claus and the Tooth? His voice is more different than I thought. It's more like...a crunchy herbal baguette instead of sweet pancakes. Btw I don't think we, as Anzu, are that much older for him call us "big sister", so that confuses me a bit. At first thought he'd be Chiaki's younger brother bc of their similiar hair and eye color.

6.5/10 - He's either very amusing or annoying to watch, but he looks cute

Hajime Shino

What a weak voice. He sounds like I could snap him like a young twig. It's not a bad voice but I can't feel a certain strength, that usually carries when singing. He's sounds very soft. And I do think he's a rather softspoken person. He actually reminds me of Muku & Tsumugi (A3!): a worrywart, soft, shota, pastel hair, lower confidence, very thoughtful, might be a bit of a pushover and likes gardening. Oh, I love his color scheme as well. Blue and pueple are very pretty. I somehow get the feeling, that if Ra*bits were to be put into an apocalypse setting, he'd be the first to kill to protect his friends. Or maybe not.

7.5/10 - he'd slay cottagecore, idk what to say to him but I don't mind seeing more I guess

----------------------------------------------

Conclusion

I'm definitely intrigued by their clear division of idol persona and their own personality. Not saying, that they're completely different but it adds a little bit of smth. I think I'll also look forward their stories, which isn't what I expected.

On another note, even though I read their Ep.1 to get to know them better, I somehow focused more on the world building or how it acknowldeges real themes in the idol industry. Also, I'm not used to seeing idols, that aren't in high school in fiction.

That's about it this time, share your thoughts if you want and keep in mind it's all just for fun and games. Until next time~☆

[neurodihuegent]

[Weird Sisters AU] "in tenebris magicae: a story's beginning"

Words: 2,495

Chapters: 1/17

Characters: Lena Sabrewing, Webby Vanderquack, May Duck, June Duck, Violet Sabrewing, Black Heron

Summary: Following the tragic loss of her mother, Lena finds herself returning to the Magical Realm to piece together the truth behind the fall of her mother. However, the deeper Lena digs, the worse things become.

(Text Under 'Read More').

Do it for her.

Because she certainly didn't want to do it for herself: If it were up to her, she wouldn't even be here. But the stakes were high, and her next move relied on her being here.

If anything sucked the most, it was that she didn't have her own room anymore: Her roommate, a human named Violet Sabrewing, had woken her up at 5 A.M with the blaring sound of her alarm.

"I like to start early when I study throughout the day," she said.

Lena had managed to get some sleep after being rudely awakened, but not much: It was 7 A.M., and now she had to be awake.

Dragging her legs out of the bed, Lena sat up and stared out of the window for a good five seconds: Everything about this place felt like Earth, but it also didn't. The Sun still rised and shined the way it did on Earth. It was a bit comforting to Lena.

"Late start?" Lena took this as some kind of a joke, but considering what had happened merely two hours prior, she didn't find it any funny. She flashed a glare at Violet before trudging out of the room into the bathroom in the hallway.

Five months ago, Lena felt like she had everything, that the life she had on Earth made her not even want to come here and find out about her roots. Now, she had virtually nothing, and that predicament forced her to be here.

Lena's eyes became fixated on her feet as she neared the bathroom day, replaying the past five months of her life over and over again in her head. The day it happened, the feelings of panic and hopelessness that swallowed her body, how lifeless she looked. It was hard to forget, it was an image that would be burned into her brain for the rest of her life.

Caught up in her mind, Lena didn't notice that there was someone leaving the bathroom as she was walking to enter it. Her body collided with another girl's, sending them both to the ground.

"Hey, watch where you're-" The girl cut herself off once she got a better view of Lena on the ground, "Wait, you're one of the new girls right? Don't tell me you're that human."

Word seemed to spread fast around here.

"You're thinking of Violet," Lena half-smiled, extending a helping hand to the girl once she pulled herself off of the ground, "I'm Lena. Nice to-"

The girl swatted Lena's hand away, glaring at her as she found her composure and stood up on her own. "Either way, watch it." Before Lena could respond to that remark, May stormed off.

Rolling her eyes, Lena pushed the bathroom door open and began her morning routine for the day. Great, Lena thought to herself, I've been here for less than 5 minutes and I already have a target on my head.

--

Lena could feel the eyes burning the back of her head as she took her seat for her first class. From the looks of it, Violet didn't seem to mind to curious and judgmental stares, but Lena hated it. Part of Lena wanted to tell them to find something else to stare at, but another part of Lena just wanted to sit in silence to not make her already rough start, any rougher.

The teacher hadn't entered the class yet, but Lena was sure that they'd ask her and Violet to stand up and introduce themselves, so Lena spent the down time she had now mentally preparing for it. Lena wasn't really a nervous person, but these stares she was getting from classmates whose names she didn't know yet, were enough to melt her into a puddle of timdity.

"Hi, I'm Webby!" Lena hadn't even noticed that this girl had walked up to her, but the piercing shriek she let out was enough to make Lena jumped out of her skin. "Lena." Lena responded sheepishly, looking over Webby's shoulder to notice the girl from the bathroom was shooting daggers at either her, Webby, or the both of them.

They looked exactly alike, so Lena assumed they were sisters.

"You're from the Earth, right? Oh, I have so many questions! What is it like on Earth? What are the animals like? Ooh, what is the foo-"

"Webby, enough," The girl from the bathroom cut her off, and Lena was somewhat grateful for it even though she knew a condescending comment would be following this, "I doubt it's anything interesting compared to what we have here. You don't need to drown her with your questions."

"May, you're no fun." Webby pouted, crossing her arms. She turned back to Lena, saying "It was nice meeting you though!", before she scurried back to her seat next to May and... another girl that looked exactly like them. Triplets?

Her attention on them being triplets was shortened when she went back to thinking about how off putting this May girl had been acting towards her. It soured her mood a bit, thinking about how this girl, for whatever reason, had to make it known that she thought she was better than Lena.

"So you're the human." May seemed to turn her attention to Violet, who just silently nodded in response. Lena felt no connection to this Violet girl, not enough to just mindlessly defend her anyways, but she wasn't opposed to kicking May off of her high horse in defense of her.

"What brings you here?" The other sister, whose name Lena had yet to catch, asked seemingly with innocent intent, "Do you have any powers?"

"Um....no... at least not yet," Violet murmured, fiddling with her hair, "I was actually recruited through the school." Webby and this other sister gave Violet looks of approval, but Lena couldn't help but notice the scowl on May's face.

"Not yet? What do you mean not yet? Either you're born with it, or you're not." May snickered, gaining questioning looks from both of her sisters, not that she seemed to particularly care. Violet bowed her head in embarassment, and that's when Lena decided that she had finally had enough of this May girl's attitude.

"What's your issue? This pretentious little mean girl role you're trying to live up to right now, really isn't a good look, you know." Judging from May's reaction, Lena could tell that this girl never had anyone stand up to her before, and that was just pathetic.

"Well thank god I'm not trying to look good for the likes of you." May hissed, and before Lena could get another jab in, the entire classroom was silenced by the arrival of the teacher.

"Welcome to the first day of the new semester." The professor looked like a character straight out of the kinds of old movies Lena's mom used to watch, her hair having flipped ends, and her red dress resembling the style of a Go-Go dress. The professor's prothestic arm, which seemed to be made completely from metal, caught Lena's eye, but it wasn't something she paid too much attention to. Her eyes drifted over to the sister, the one that wasn't May and Webby, and noticed how her entire demeanor changed once this professor entered the room.

"It seems like we have two new students here, Violet Sabrewing, and Lena Duckwell. Nice to meet you two, I am Professor Heron." Lena could've sworn she saw a smirk when the professor had read her name, but she was too busy feeling shocked that she didn't make them stand up and introduce themselves.

Lena's mother always told her that if she were to come back here, if she were to start a new life here, she'd have to conceal her identity. "Duckwell" wasn't the most creative fake last name, but something told her she couldn't exactly waltz in here with the last name "DeSpell". She never knew why she needed to keep her identity a secret, but she wasn't exactly trying to figure out, either.

"Students, you know that I am expecting nothing but the best work from you this semester, especially knowing what's ahead. Now, open your books to page 14..."

--

Lena went to school on Earth, so she knew how dreadful and boring the school days could be, but this first day really drained her of any energy she had left. She had almost ran out of the classroom as soon as Professor Heron dismissed them, and she waited for nobody.

"Hey!" Lena felt a tap on her shoulder, turning around to reveal none other than the other sister whose name she hadn't caught yet.

"Hey."

"My name is June, nice to meet you!" She extended her hand for a handshake, and Lena took it. This June girl seemed much nicer compared to May.

"Nice to meet you," Now that she was here, maybe Lena could get some clarity of the things from class she was still confused about.

"What did the Professor mean when she said something important was ahead? Is it a test?"

"I guess you could say that," June explained, "But really, it's the total eclipse. You know what that is right?" Lena shot her a look that said 'I'm not dumb.' Was it that obvious that she hadn't been touching up on her magic?

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. I just didn't know if it's ritual on Earth like it is here!"

"So what do you do for it?"

"On Earth, the Total Eclipse only happens every 100 years, but here, it actually happens every 10 years. During the Total Eclipse, all magical forms at their highest level of power. So, the ritual is kind of made to celebrate that, but also to show off that power. But it's not any time soon, actually it's exactly three months away."

Three months? There was no way Lena could master the power that she did, in three months. She didn't even know what she was fully capable of, because on Earth, both her and her mom stressed her living a normal "human" life, and not using any magic. And the rare times that she did use magic, ended up in haywire. Surely, three months was not enough time for Lena to perfect her craft.

"Hmm, sounds like fun...."

"I wouldn't know, this is the first time I've actually been old enough to attend and participate in one!" June flashed a bright, friendly smile, and in a way, it sort of put Lena at ease. After all, she was the first person here that Lena was able to maintain a normal conversation with.

"Oh, and sorry about my sister earlier, she can be a bit.... overbearing," June said, her cheery tone of voice shifting into a more serious one, "But if it makes you feel any better, I'd take it as a compliment. It means she sees you as a threat." Lena sent her a halfhearted smile in response.

"Oh, thank you. That's... great." The last thing Lena wanted, was some onesided rivalry with a girl she barely knew and barely cared to compete with, especially given said person had the advantage.

Lena and June had reached the end of the corridor, preparing to part ways with each other.

"Well, it was nice talking to you! I'll try to... talk my sister down from whatever pedal stool she's on right now, but I can't guarantee it'll work!"

"As long as you try."

Lena did like this June girl: She seemed to be the middle man of her sisters, the overly hyper Webby and the overly confident May, and Lena thought it was nice. She was definitely the kind of person Lena would be friends with back home, if Lena allowed herself to have friends back home.

But based on the 15 second interaction she had with Webby, she didn't have any negative feelings towards her either: She just had a lot of energy that Lena hadn't dealt with before, and Lena wasn't all to sure she was willing to deal with that energy level now.

Lena had finally made it to the door of her and Violet's dorm room, unlocking the door. Violet was nowhere in near sight, probably utilizing the last couple of hours the library was still open for.

"Well, at least I have some alone time, for now." Lena sighed, flopping onto her bed.

She allowed herself to get lost in her thoughts, reflecting both on the events of today and what happened five months ago. Maybe this total eclipse was exactly what would give her the answers she needed. But for five months, she began seeking answers, trying to piece together what happened and who could've possibly done it. It was caused by Magic, and to her recollection, besides a family residing in Finland, her and her mother were the only magical beings on Earth. But nothing was adding up, and it was starting to look like she would have to figure everything out with the help of someone else.

Lena remembered staying temporarily with the family in Finland after everything had happened: They were familiar with her mother, but knew next to nothing about her. But they offered her shelter, food, and some support whenever Lena wasn't pushing them away, and that felt good enough until it started to feel like time was closing in on her. Until what happened to her mom, would happen to her. So she, with the help of the family, devised a plan to return to the Magical realm during the beginning of the new school year, to get more practice with her magic, and to find the culprit. She didn't know what she was expecting, but she felt a weight of disappointment that she had been here for all of three days, and not even the slightest new discovery appeared.

Suddenly, she heard the door unlock, and knew that Violet was back from her study trip.

"Back so soon?"

"No, I'm actually going back. I just forgot a book."

Lena hummed in response, turning her attention to her phone. There wasn't anything eventful going on social media wise, but it was better than the awkward and forced conversations she and Violet had so far.

"Also... Thank you. For sticking up for me today."

"Don't mention it." Lena sent a grin in Violet's direction, waving goodbye as she left the room again to return to her studies. Maybe Violet was the kind of person she needed on this case: She had no magical powers, at least to both of their knowledge, but she did seem to know an awful lot about the magical realm, especially compared to Lena herself.

It had only been 3 days since she was here, but she was already feeling the weight of the stakes: Lena had to do to whatever it took to avenge her late mother, even if it meant facing the culprit head on.

[skyprincess212]

Wait. Before I go. Heres a reupload of my little space QnA with some updated answers.

Do you sleep with a stuffie? Mhmm. I sleep with a panda and a bunny and 2 reindeer

Do you have a CG/daddy? Nope. I'm not looking either. I do have a friend I'm talking to but I dont think they'd be interested because of my whole situation right now

How many stuffies do you have: I only have like 10 here and then about 20 at my mom’s house

Favorite time of the year: Wintr cuz its my birthday and christmas but santa is supr dupr scary cuz hes supr tall and stuff and he smells weerd

Favorite disney princess/prince: Repenzel cuz shes from tangled

Favorite little space sweet/candy: cheetos puffs

What do you do while in little space? I play the sims or runescape. Sometimes i’ll color but a lot of the time i just wanna cuddle

Stuffies or blankies: i got both

Favorite animal: cat

Favorite hobby: listening to music

Favorite disney movie: Tangled cuz the mosick is supr pretty and i can sing a lot of the songs

Do you use a paci: I used to have these really cute hello kitty ones but my ex found them and cut them up and set them on fire. I have one from the dollar tree but i’ve hidden it a lot better now

Do you use diapers: no but im sort of curious

Favorite color: blu and pink

Whats your zodiac sign: capricorn

Describe your ideal little date: ok so. They’d dress me up supr dupr cut. Then we’d go to the park and feed ducks and do nauhaty stuff and then we’d go to the mall and go shopping and then we’d go and have dinner where they’d order for me because im too little and cant red and then we’d go hoome and do nauhaty stuff and then we’d watch disny movies while eating ic cream and then id be the little spoon on the bed while they red me a story and then we’d fall aslep with him holdin me all tigt and warm like a little coocoon

Build a bear or disney stores: disny

Do you participate in pet play and if so which animal? Mhmm yes i do. I’m mainly a kitee

Do you have a blankie: mhmm its reely big and blu and soft and warm

What is your little/middle age range: Little age is from 2-7, middle age is about 9-12. 

Do you have any pets: mhmm a black kitee named raven

Favorite tv shows: i only have Netflix so money heist, atypical, and supernatural. I kind of like word party too tbh

Favorite game: the sims

Favorite disney character: Pascal. Repenzels frog

Favorite tv show character: maybe Dean??

What do you eat when its snack time: cheetos and chips

One little space thing you want: i really really want an actual paci from those little space websites so i dont feel like im biting my tongue all the time. Or maybe a cut pink and blu paddel with either “Sir” or “Daddy” on it for nauhaty stuff

One unique thing about you: I can sing really well and i know a lot of songs

Favorite little activity: making sims while drinkin juice but then i gotta pe real bad cuz juice makes me gotta pe

What would your dream playroom/bedroom look like? Well little me wants greyish with pastels to make everything look cute but gothic. Cute everything. That’s for the bedroom. Ideally, id want my own room and id only be allowed into the main bedroom if i was told to be. That way, they can stay with me until I fall asleep and have other people over if they want. It would be filled with toys both innocent and not so innocent. A lot of books since I love to read. Maybe a little computer area too

Talk about someone special: I dont have anyone like that right now.

Favorite little space drink: apple juice

Whats your little space name: i dont really have a set name. Just call me whatever you want

Last picture you colored: i’m not sure where the coloring book went or else id show you

What are your fears: that no one actually loves me and everything is just one giant lie. That people won’t except me for who i am. That this is all just a dream like in the matrix or something

Are you a little 24/7? I really really want to be but i do have sub space too and occastionally Domme space too since i’m a switch. Well… its like 80% submissive/little and 20% Domme. But yeah if i could live the lifestyle 24/7 i would

Favorite smell: popcorn

What always puts you in little space? sammich and lollipops. I really wanna watch it together with my friend. He liks thm too I think

Whats your little nighttime routine? Ok so nauhaty stuff and then help me brush my teeth and brush my hair and help me put pjs on and then sleepy time

Whats your morning routine? idk I dissociate half the time so i have no clue

Do you have a favorite sippy cup? I don’t have any right now. I’ve been kind of scared to get any since my abuser found all my little space stuff. That was not a fun time

Favorite dessert: cupcakes or oreos. 

Favorite little space song: i see the light from tangled. I sing it supr good and its supr pretty and its the best

Do you have any little friends? yup. I got a couple

How long have you been a little? since i was 19

How did you discover you were a little? my abuser was yelling and screaming at me as usual and i just kind of slipped into little space. I was like wtf is happening. I then looked up what happened and i guess i used it to cope with my abuse at first

Are you open about it? Sort of. Some friends on Facebook know

Does anyone in real life know that your a little? I don’t think so

Do you have any little gear: mhmm and some pet play stuff too. I have one good collar and leash. I have some collars and chokers. Some paws, I used to have a tail but Josiah stole it and won’t give it back. I have a ton of skirts and dresses but only a couple are really for little space. Most of the rest of them put me into subspace because of how short or tight they are

Funniest experience in little space: so my mom called me once and since I was in little space I couldn’t talk very well especially not in full sentences so she just hung out and said she’d call me later

Worst experience in little space: I was raped and beaten up by my abuser. It was the day he found out about me being a little

Cg’s nickname: I dont have one but I'd call them 'sir' or 'daddy'

Favorite cartoon: either adventure time or the grim adventures of billy and mandy

Explain your username: my name is Sky and I'm a princess duh

Favorite little outfit: i wear my pink dino onsie

Dream little outfit: just a cute little gothic pastel baby

Hardest cg rule to follow: i dont really have any rules and the ones that i do have are really easy to follow

What makes you happy in little space? Being told im the cutest babee grl ever. It makes me squeal and giggle and blush or when I get called cuti or um idk

What makes you sad in little space? When my friend and I cant talk :(

[zyxyz-xyzzy]

You know what really hurts me these days? What really makes this whole SJ thing crush my self-worth and motivation to improve so utterly? The feeling that I’m not valid, that I don’t belong anywhere and never will, that I’m like an outsider to my own identity. I feel like even though I’m technically part of a few Oppressed Groups™, for various reasons they Don’t Count or I’m Just As Bad as the privileged ones—I guess because I’ve internalized so much of the rhetoric about people like me being Wrong and Bad that some part of me sees “evil problematic oppressor” as my identity in and of itself, that it’s more central to my self-image now than my actual identities, so if something could be construed as me being a victim/oppressed person there must be something wrong with it. More specific stuff under the cut, fwiw.

So a large part of what makes me feel that I’m worthless, don’t matter, etc. is that I’m too privileged, but theoretically someone who knows me could try and counter that with “But you’re not male, or straight, or neurotypical! That’s pretty oppressed!” And I wish it could be that simple, really, but I just can’t make myself see it that way. So looking at these one by one:

To start off with an example, seeing all the posts here lately about International Women’s Day just made me feel worse instead of better, because I knew that that day and those sentiments aren’t about me, aren’t for me. As a cis white woman specifically, I feel like I’m not really in a marginalized group at all, that I’m not the one who really matters here, that it’s not my place to speak up or have an opinion that people care about. Even if I did, a lot of the historical issues that are involved in that (reproductive rights, the wage gap, etc.) are things that have never affected me personally because of my other privileges as well as how sheltered and withdrawn from the world I am in general, so I don’t really have the right to complain to begin with. And even though I am Not Straight (I’m shying away from using the l-word here b/c I kind of feel like I haven’t earned the right to call myself that, if that makes any sense), it’s not like it’s actually affected my life any outside of, like, my preferences in fictional ships and meaningless stuff like that. I’ve never been in any sort of relationship, and prob never will b/c I’m just too much of a mental and social trainwreck for it to work out (plus the combination of me being self-centered, bad at dealing with other people, and having Literally Zero experience would prob make me a pretty terrible gf anyway, so anyone worth dating would deserve better than someone like me tbh). The combination of that and not really feeling like part of the ~LGBT community~ has given me zero reason to come out IRL, so I haven’t, even though I feel privileged and selfish for staying in the closet despite it not being a safety requirement for me (I know my parents would be supportive, and since I don’t really have an IRL social life I don’t have any friends there to worry about their reactions). And ofc, while online I don’t deny it I don’t exactly go shouting it from the rooftops either, and I only admit to it in spaces that are reasonably supportive to begin with. So as someone who’s never really experienced misogyny/homophobia personally, do I really have a right to act like I’m part of the group, like I deserve to be heard?

Now, on the mental side of things, I try to avoid admitting this online usually because I know I’ll just be pitied or made fun of (and I can’t really blame them for that, as much as it upsets me), but yeah, I have an actual professional diagnosis (from when I was like... 3, don’t remember the exact timing) of what was known at the time as Asperger’s. (Yes, I know that’s not a real thing anymore, but I’m not really comfortable calling myself autistic/on the autism spectrum for various reasons, so I prefer to keep using that label despite its unofficial nature.) And sure, if you asked me whether that’s affected my life, whether I’ve suffered from the effects of ableism and the like in the past, the honest answer would be yes. But that isn’t enough. For one thing, it’s not really seen as a Big Deal in the way race/gender/sexuality issues are, so I feel like my cis/white privilege outweighs it completely. And it also seems like it can’t really be compared directly to other types of oppression—I wasn’t treated badly just for existing as part of [X group] like in other cases, I was treated badly because I fucked up. Because I couldn’t function normally, because I caused problems for everyone around me. Can I really blame them for that? Can I really act like I was a victim just because of that? I’m not so sure. And to look at things from a more recent angle, getting back to the whole “aspergers vs. autism” thing, I see a good bit of autism-related posts on my dash and tbh they usually aren’t all that relatable? It feels like it’s always focused on the physical side of things, the stimming and sensory issues and whatnot, which just haven’t been as big of a factor for me, especially now that I’m older. In my case the more obvious effects are the mental ones, the special interests, difficulties with social cues, etc., and those aren’t really given much attention (in a positive/supportive light, at least). Sometimes I even wonder if I was never really autistic to begin with, if I’m just some antisocial weirdo who can’t deal with people, and I don’t have any good excuse for it. Ofc, even if that were the case I wouldn’t necessarily be Completely Normal mentally, since there’s still the overwhelming depression and anxiety to deal with (though I know learning disabilities and mental illness aren’t really the same thing, so that’s kind of a bad comparison anyway, but they are something that even I can’t deny I have). And lately I’ve been suspecting I might also have BPD, but I haven’t brought it up with my therapist or anything since I’m afraid I’d look like an ass if I said it and turned out to be wrong, plus with the stereotypes of people with it being “toxic”, “manipulative”, etc. it would really just end up being just one more reason to hate myself and for other people to dislike and distrust me in the end.

[groupkiller]

it's not that people don't see it. i LOVE johnlock, i check the tag! i see the content, i didn't think it'd happen bc the series made it clear those dialogues were nothing but a joke. at the beginning i was like hmm? but then it made me angry as fuck that they were playing it for the laughs, since it was obvious it didn't mean they'd be endgame. be angry at the writers for turning queerness into a joke. imo they did not queerbait: they made fun of queerness (also angry at what they did to irene)

____________________________________________________________I am actually curious as to how many people did see the romantic “sub” plot :) I know the johnlockers saw it of course. But how many of the casuals saw it? Maybe quite a lot saw the romance, but like you didn’t think it would happen.And I am sure a lot of people didn’t want it to happen(Which may or may not have been different, if either John or Sherlock had been a girl, and it had been the classic hetero normative boy-meets-girl).And I understand people who want a friendship story.

Personally I love friendship stories. I am a bit tired of the “boy-meets-girl” story, because I have seen it so many times. If creators can put a new spin on it, it’s fine. And it’s not like I didn’t cry by the end of Titanic and Forrest Gump. I like a good romance if I like the characters and the foreshadowing is good. I just often think friendship stories are more interesting, because I see fewer of them. (And because I can ship the bromances ^_~)So I don’t want to hate on the people who really wanted a friendship Sherlock story. 

I might go into a lengthy discussion with people who claim, I am mad for seeing a romance, but luckily I haven’t had to deal with many of those people :)And I would probably also shake my head in frustration if the only argument against a johnlock romance was: “But it’s not in the canon!” “Neither is the modern setting or Molly and loads of other things on the show. ARGH!” I like it when people take existing stories and give them a new twist. But I know that the more old versions seem alike, the harder it is to make a new version that will be accepted, because people want more of what they already like.I am a pastor, and if I ever tried to come up with new suggestions for Christmas carols for Christmas eve I would most likely not survive the shit storm. Tradition changing is very hard, when people love what they already have ^_^I am a slash fan girl, so I of course shipped johnlock from the start.

1) In the first season, I didn’t think johnlock would happen either. I just enjoyed the show with it’s humor. (I am straight, so gay jokes never bothered me personally, and my gay and bi friends don’t seem to mind. My queer friends have never uttered concern about queer baiting, so it came to my attention only years ago.)

2) In the second season I thought: “I still like the gay jokes, now it’s a running gag. Ha ha, still funny.” But then came John’s grave yard scene, and I thought: “Hmm it’s no longer JUST gay jokes or cleverly hidden subtext, now it’ in major scenes too… interesting. Because he already said that Sherlock was his best friend, so that wasn’t the thing John couldn’t say.” (It has been suggested to me, that what he couldn’t say was that Sherlock’s platonic friendship saved him from suicide, and I am open to interpretation-suggestions, but I think this is undercut by John “moving on” from Sherlock before his poposal in the next season)

3) In the third season I thought the romance got so blatant that I started thinking: “OK, Mark is gay, they might ACTUALLY be going for this. They didn’t just put it in for the humor, but as very clever foreshadowing, wow!” Here we got the “moving on after Sherlock before proposing”, the whole wedding episode with the sad-leaving-early-scene, and the Sherlock restarting his heart for John, and the tarmac scene. And I thought that since this again was major important scenes, this had to be a Chekhov gun, they were hanging on the wall. I still thought it was clever, because Sherlock COULD just be sad, that his best friend moved out, and he COULD just be trying to protect the only real friend he had without it being romantic, and in theory he COULD just be trying to cheer John up at the tarmac (Or well, no I didn’t think that for a second, and I don’t see how “moving on so soon after Sherlock” could ever be platonic, nor the look they give eachother on the dancefloor before Sherlock leaves, but since my sister didn’t see the romance, I racked my brain and came to the conclusion, that maybe there was a fair no-homo-interpretation, though I of course thought, that my queer-reading was the right one ^_^)

4) After The Abominable Bride I was getting very excited. I was starting to look forward to a 2017 where we would finally get a huge show with queer main characters. I had stopped even thinking about how casual viewers saw this as platonic.So many people said: “I don’t mind queerness.” So I thought: “Great, then no one will object if johnlock happens. If they claim it comes out of thin air, there is loads of subtext to support it, and they will realize that it WAS properly foreshadowed.”UNFORESEEN YET INEVITABLE are the best kinds of twists anyway.

And I asume that other people would support a romance between characters with chemestry if it is properly foreshadowed, like I do, even if it’s not my favorite ship :) (Just like I would support the friendship arch if that was what was foreshadowed the best, but yeah - clearly people don’t agree what the show foreshadowed here ^_^).

So yeah, I am of course very disappointed that johnlock hasn’t happened (yet?).

It is totally OK that writers are free to write what they want! They don’t cater to my wish fulfillment. And seeing as I am straight, I personally wont cry myself to sleep because I am not getting representation… or, well, the fact is that I actually DID end up crying myself to sleep three nights in a row.I am not sure if it’s because I was influenced by how sad queer people, who really relied on Sherlock to represent them, were. Or if it was just because I had invested so much time in this show and was so sure that the subtext was foreshadowing a romance, that I was just way more disappointed than I usually am, if I watch a movie that is great up until the ending, and then the ending is disappointing… Usually it’s only two hours I wasted. In this case it was many times 16,5 hours. (And they are not wasted, they just let to something that really disappointed me. That doesn’t take away the joy I have had until The Final Problem. But then there is the discussion about whether it is queer baiting. Because if it is, then that might actually force me to reevaluate the enjoyment I had the first times I watched the show.)

It is not fair to demand what you want of someone else, just because you want it, however I think it IS OK to be disappointed in a show/movie or book, if it makes promises to the reader/viewer and don’t deliver. Chekhov’s gun again.But the whole discussion is, whether or not those promises WERE made, and if they were intentional. 

When I write fiction, I always ask my beta-readers to point out EVERYWHERE I might make a promise to the reader, that I am not aware of myself, so I can address it later.

Many people are baffled that johnlockers think the show promised a romance, so is it fair to claim this is what the show was dangling in front of us?Personally I think the answer is YES: I think they MUST have known, they did know, hence the interviews. Many people expected a romance.And if johnlock really isn’t their endgame, I guess it’s fair to say, that in those many interviews they specifically said, Johnlock wasn’t going to happen. But since they lie about a lot of things, it’s difficult to know which interviews to trust and which not to. Therefore I think it should have been at least addressed in the show,I am now wondering: if johnlock isn’t endgame, is the hug scene their attempt to address it?Sherlock: “Romantic entanglement, while fulfilling for others…”John: “…would complete you as a human being.”

Sherlock: “That doesn’t even mean anything.”

John: “Just text her! Phone her! Do something while there is still a chance.”

I personally saw this as romantic foreshadowing and REALLY opening the possibility that this WAS end game, especially because I thought it obvious that this whole conversation was about John and Sherlock, not Sherlock and Irene.

Sherlock would out live God to have the last word, and his contradiction doesn’t stike me as very heartfelt. Others might see this differently, but I took it as a grammar correction more than contradicting the point/meaning/message about finding someone to love. Again I took this as clever foreshadowing, because it COULD be interpreted in a no-homo way as well. Because I have talked to people, who saw this as a way of showing how different John and Sherlock are.John thinks romance is important, Sherlock doesn’t.That is one way to interpret that scene, and it might have been the writers way to show, that a romance was going nowhere. 

Personally I think, if this is the case, it would have been wise to do it in reversed order, so that the writers’ message got the last word - not John.Thus I think the scene should have gone: John: “Sherlock, romance would complete you as a human being. I think you should call Irene, or if you really don’t text her back and aren’t interested, then find SOMEONE.”Sherlock: “John, romance might be fulfilling for you and others, but I am not interested in a romance with anyone.”This would have been much more clear, and would have send a clear message, that the romance wasn’t going to happen.I know johnlockers would still have hated that, but at least it would have been clear that this particular Chekhov gun was off the wall and out of ammo. (But if they wanted to leave that interpretation open, this IS the better way to do it… oh so many ifs >.

You mention both Irene and queer baiting.

I can see many problems with Irene. I really hope she isn’t flirting with Sherlock anymore, and that John’s deduction is accurate: She just wrote him a “happy birthday” without the “let’s have dinner”.

Because if she is a lesbian and in a nice relationship, then I find it very problematic if she also falls in love with Sherlock. 

To see her as some kind of lesbian cupid works a bit better for me, but yeah - there are maaaany problems with that character -_-* 

I am not sure I am the right person to talk about queerbaiting, since I am straight. The thing is, that I believe most people want to be good, and I doubt that many people actually wake up in the morning shouting: “MWA HA HA I WANT TO BE AN EVIL TROLL, I WILL DELIBERATELY HURT PEOPLE AND MAKE A PROFIT BY INCLUDING THESE THINGS IN MY SHOW AND LURE SLASH FAN GIRLS AND QUEER PEOPLE IN, ONLY TO SPIT THEM IN THE FACE IN THE END BWA HA HA HA!”

And I doubt that Mark and Steven did that. At least intentionally. (And since I am still a hopeful tin-foil-hatter waiting for extra content, I hope johnlock could still be canon.)But that doesn’t change that I think Mary’s conclusion to the series is annoying as hell.Not only because many queer people think it is a personal insult, and that the message is: “who you are and your queerness and the identity you have been fighting to create and preserve doesn’t matter. And the time you spend analyzing Sherlock was wasted you stupid idiot!”(And though this was actually what I felt myself. After three nights of crying I remembered that I don’t think anyone would be that evil, and maybe I am a bit full of myself if I think Mofftiss would actually sit down and plan this sort of thing against me personally or against a huge group of fans.)

I hear Mary tell me that the drama I had been watching, and expected to be a romance was actually not important. It was the cases and the detective-story-part of the show that was important.

That is what I hear. But casual viewers might hear it differently. They might think it is a fitting end for a new interpretation. A nice way to conclude the new origin story of a 130 year old legend. But it was annoying to me, because I enjoyed the show BOTH as a detective story and a drama. AND I invested so many hours analyzing the show, and it sounds to me a bit, like that analyzing time finding out who Sherlock and Watson are (queer or not) was a waste of time, if that "doesn't matter".

And I guess that not only johnlockers like me spent a lot of time watching the show again and again for details. I am not saying that casual viewers are less worthy or stupid because they like to see the show just once or twice and move to the next show. Not at all. I think shows are best if they can be enjoyed in different ways. But it seems unwise to piss off the viewers who rewatch for detail regardless of what they seek to confirm, be it johnlock, how Sherlock or Moriarty survived or easter eggs or whatever.

I felt that this ending told me that only the detective part mattered. And the drama and character arches I had been invested in, didn’t matter (be they romantic or platonic). But I guess the words “legend, stories and adventures” can be interpreted in many ways.

If this really is the end, I think they could have made it different in so many ways that would have pissed many people of less.Made John do the final voice over is just one of the suggestions. Different wording would have been nice too, if you ask me, and they could still have made it a clear friendship story, if that’s what they wanted.If they DID want to cater to more fan groups they could have made it more ambiguous too maybe? (I as a johnlocker would still be sad that the romance wasn’t stated outright - but there are so many casual fans who wanted a friendship ending, and who says my wishes are more important than their’s?)

Endings are tricky though. I would have loved to at least see a moving crate to indicate that John moved back in. Which could have been part of both a friendship story and a romance (at least until Rosie needed a room of her own, and John and Sherlock would have to share Sherlock’s bedroom ^_~).Playing with Rosie is ambiguous I guess, it can both be viewed as John and Sherlock raising her together, but it could also just be two no-homo friends entertaining Rosie when John comes to visit.Sigh, I have a very hard time being objective about the ending.If either John or Sherlock had been a woman I am sure many casuals would have been disappointed, that there was no clear romance.Sorry for the wall of text.Thank you for your comment. It is really nice to see other people’s perspectives, because I so easily forget, that not everyone watch the show the same way I do ^_^