#that damn I miss being creative and having thoughts yknow like remember a time when my brain wasn’t mush????? bc I don’t

[jemmo]

ive been getting super frustrated with having no time or energy to write (or really do anything) recently so im just gonna start posting snippets of stuff ive half written to try and make up for it.

speaking of which, here’s a little thing i wrote after going to a women’s football game and instantly wanting to write an inkpa football au.

————————

“Pat’s gonna study engineering.”

“Pat’s gonna take over the family business.”

“Pat’s gonna be just like his dad.”

Pa remembers hearing these sentiments as soon as she was old enough to understand what they meant. Pat was the eldest, the prodigal son. He would tread in his father’s footsteps and carry the family name, and bring respect to it. There was no doubt about it, his life was set.

No one ever told Pa what she was going to be.

She never liked that as a kid. It seemed so easy for Pat, everything laid out in front of him, future already decided. He didn’t have to do any of this annoying thinking or discovery, didn’t have to huff and hum when teachers asked what he wanted to be when he grew up. He already knew.

“Am I going to be like you then, Ma?” she onced asked.

“No darling, you can be anything you want to be.” Ma replied, which Pa was kind of glad of. She loved Ma, but staying at home and doing all the housework and sometimes helping out Papa with the business did seem a bit boring. But at the same time, at least it was something. ‘Anything’ was a bit scary when you were 5 years old, especially when everyone was too busy setting Pat up for success to tell her how to figure out what that ‘thing’ was.

Instead of going to any of the clubs she thought could be interesting, she followed along after Pat wherever Papa sent him. Boxing, Judo, Tennis, Piano, Guitar, plus all the extra academic classes, she did them all too. She was only a year younger than Pat anyway, so it made sense, and meant Papa only had to make one trip after school. She might have been upset that they never went to the clubs she wanted to go to, if only she was passionate enough about a club to care.

But then Papa took them to football practice. It was a drizzly afternoon early in the year, but not early enough to stop the humidity from hanging heavy in the air. Pa hated storm seasons, and hated even more being outside in them. The ground was slippery with wet mud that splattered up her fresh, white knee socks, and the hair that escaped her ponytail clung to the sides of her face. Her least favourite part was the way raindrops splattered on her glasses like the windscreen of a car, except she didn’t have any wipers so she couldn’t just flick a lever and magically see again, but that would only be an issue if she was wearing her glasses. Papa had told her to take them off before practice, because he didn’t want a football to the face smashing them to pieces (he failed to mention how that would also smash Pa’s face to pieces), but it meant either way she couldn’t see all that well. Around her were about a dozen other girls who either looked way too into it or like they’d rather be anywhere else, there was no middle ground. They’d been plopped on the field haphazardly in their green and yellow bibs, with only a quick briefing of the rules to Pa before she was put centerfield. The shouts and roars from the boys team on the other side of the field carried over to them to fill their silence until finally the whistle blew.

Then everyone started to move and a ball was kicked at her and the coach was screaming at her to run, so she did. She sprinted down the pitch, kicking the ball in front of her, shooting past teammates and defenders alike until the goal was in front of her. Calls of “Shoot” made it through the rush of air and adrenaline in her ears, so she booted the ball as hard as she could, hard enough to make her lose her balance and land with a yelp on her backside, her hands and the backs of her legs covered in wet mud. She cursed herself as she wiped her hands on her sides with a grimace, looking up to see the ball sitting unassumingly in the goalie’s net. The world came to and people were running towards her with screams and cheers, even the coach asking if she was alright through a surprised smile. Everyone was helping her up and patting her on the back but all she could keep looking at was the ball in the goal. She’d done it. She’d actually scored. She was sodden and dirty and cold but she’d scored. She’d never been so happy in her life.

[orange-antics]

Eddsworld miscellaneous hcs

ok there's probably like 100 of these already or something, but I thought I'd add mine anyway, because hey, it's fun and I'll probably change or add a few later. (Also this ended up waaaaaaaay longer then i meant it to be wh o ops so uh be warned its pretty damn long-)

Tom:

Shortest! (i know it's normally either edd or tord, but after seeing saloonatics, I just couldn't resist the idea of the grumpiest one being the smallest. Cute right?)

Relatively strong arms, more fat around his stomach and torso then his legs.

Occasionally works gigs at local clubs and stuff for money.

Doesn't have much social media aside from Facebook so he can occasionally stalk his old college mates.

He actually likes sports like football and tennis. (His favourite sport is seeing how many bars he can hit up in one nigh-//shot//)

His hair smells like pineapple! (And the rest of him like booze-)

He's up for pretty much anything if he's drunk enough to have fun and not remember enough to regret it

But not bowling.

N e ve r bo wl ing

He's still got a scar on his left arm from The End. :( But Matt and Edd helped him to fix it up, so it's all good!

He's actually a pretty chill and sensible guy, and despite being snarky and sarcastic whenever he can, he genuinely cares about his relationships with people, scared that one day they'll get bored of him and cast him aside. He's really just a goofball with big city dreams of becoming a rockstar.

Spends like two hours in the shower crying and listening to MCR

His favourite show is Bad Education. It's good for when he needs cheering up.

He likes snacks and foods that are crunch, and salty, spicy, and sometimes savoury. So Crisps, Pringles, Doritos, chex mix etc.

Edd:

Second shortest/third tallest

Kinda chubby tbh but he's the BEST at hugs.

His forearm game is actually pretty strong because of all the time he spends making art to pay for their bills (because hey, someone's gotta do it amirite). You don't wanna head into an arm-wrestling contest with this guy.

Makes money by selling his art and also taste-testing all the latest cola products! (Just...not the diet ones).

Aside from a devianart, redbubble and maybe even a tumblr for art commissions, he doesn't really care about social media. Or regular media. Politics who?

His favourite sport? Seeing how many cans of cola he can get through on an especially difficult project. (Cricket always looked kind of fun though)

Smells like cola and not taking a shower in days because he HAS to get the lineart perfect and edd are you ok when was the last time you slept- (jokes aside, i can see him smelling like graphite and paints and sharpies from his art supplies).

Can pull the perfect poker face like damn son having a baby face sure comes in handy when lying to your roomate about why there's broken guitar strings hanging out of Ringo's mouth again

Has a scar on the inside of his eyelid from the time Tom 'accidently' poked him in the eye with a pencil (...may or may not be based off personal experience)

Edd is pretty friendly and open with people, he likes getting to know them and joking around. He's the Ultimate Punmaster ™, and loves nothing more to poke fun. He sees the world through the eyes of a cartoonist, and will never miss a comedic opportunity.

Be warned! He's actually fairly smart, and can read people well, knowing just how to really get under someone's skin. It's a good thing he can't be bothered with any of that though.

Gets his best ideas either in the tub or when hes just about to sleep. Because of that, he keeps a water-proof and regular notebook. Nearly had a heart-attack countless times because he accidently swapped them around.

Despite his complaints about absurd plot conveniences, he actually likes Doctor Wh- i mean "Proffesor Why", there's just something about the concept of time travel...he also likes cartoons! Like, a lot. He'll watch most anything and everything if it's animated and the writing is decent.

Likes anything sour, sweet, and chewy! So Jelly Babies, Wine gums, Sour patch kids, that kind of thing

Tord:

(Most of these are heavily based upon his life as Red Leader so sorry if you were looking for more domestic Tord. Maybe I'll do seperate hcs for that one day)

Second tallest! Quite a bit taller then Tom, a bit taller then Edd, just about average height, if a bit taller. He's closer to Matt in height then Edd.

He's actually quite well-built! You wouldn't think it because of the baggy hoodie he wears but he's got pretty good muscle, and his endurance and strength is well above the others. This mostly comes from the logic that he's been training and leading the Red Army, so it just makes sense to me that he'd resemble a soldier physically, yknow? AU-wise, or before he started the whole world domination thing, he'd be a little more scrawny, but he could still kick everyone's ass (he probably tried copying numerous anime battle stances lol-)

He's pretty well off, it turns out you can get quite rich by adopting some uh...rather unconventional means of money-making. Of course you could always say he just sold his inventions.

Does having your own private network of underground intelligence-gathering units count as social media? No? Nevermind.(He has a hentaihaven account-)

He likes dodgeball, archery, and you guessed it, arcade shooter games. Anything where he can point and hit something basically.

He smells like gunpowder, dirt, oil from machine maintenance and the cold? Like if the cold had a smell, he would have that smell, does that make sense? He also probably smells like Old Spice because idfk it just reminds me of him ok.

He doesn't exactly get out to socialise much, be prefers to stay at his desk, or curled up next to the fire with a mug of hot cider when he wants to relax. Sometimes Paul and Pat will drag him outside when they think he needs a breath of fresh air, and they'll go visit the nearest marketplace for food and other supplies. He likes strategic games like Chess or Draughts, and it's a good way to show off and get practice at the same time.

Scar-wise, he probably has quite a few from his fights. Post-the end, I'm not sure what would happen to him, since I've seen people go in a lot of different directions. I DO think he'd replace him arm with the robotic one, since that seemed too heavily implied to not happen. Regarding his face, I think the burns and stuff would probably heal over time, and depending on the technology in the future, he'd either still have some heavy scarring, or maybe he'd develop some kind of treatment so that it restores him to almost fully healed. He could always go the cyborg route and end up half-man half-machine like we see with future Matt and Tom.

(About the patch on his face, I have a theory about how he he aquired that scar/injury. See, I don't think Tord founded Red Army by himself, no. I think he was introduced to it by Paul (who we see in the same classroom as them in Poweredd) who was kept back a few years cause....uh...yknow- Anyway I have a theory that Tord eventually climbed the ranks until he became second-in-command, and he then murdered Red Leader and took his title. Their fight is where he got that injury. It's not really canon-supported much, but I find it an interesting concept!)

You've probably guessed, but I kind of disgree with Tord's portrayal sometimes. I think I prefer the darker, meaner side to him. I wouldn't say he's (completely) evil, but I'm not really one for the whole "self-hating, regretful angsty Tord who just wants some love and support" and stuff. I mean, it's cute with ships amd fluff, amd ideally he does make amends and rejoin the group, but I just like the thought that he's genuinely not a nice guy yknow? Like, he's actually done some fucked up stuff, and The End is probably just one case. (Of course this is all opinion based so feel free to disagree if u wanna wheeze-)

Has the WORST sleeping schedule. Has been known to fall asleep in the bath/shower.

He prefers movies to shows. His favourite is the Kingsman series (he can relate on many different levels).

Likes bittersweet things, (just like his personality amirite-). So cake with coffee, or tarts, liquorice, hard candy, that kind of thing.

Matt:

(My favourite-)

He tol. Tallest of them all!

Someone once described him as "borderline twink" and tbh i agree. I feel like he'd have a slightly feminine figure (which is perfectly normal!) and he both rocks it, and knows he does.

He works at a nail salon every now and again, his self-confidence and bubbliness makes him get along well with customers. (Also Matt would definitely wear nail polish ok dont even try to convince me otherwise. Actually speaking of,)

He has EVERY kind of social media possible. Instagram, twitter, facebook, tumblr, facebook, snapchat, you name it! He's especially prominent on instagram. He likes to keep an ~aesthetic~

He likes gymnastics and dance, activities like that. Anything which puts him in a creative spotlight. He'd probably take up acting classes, and then insist on only being given monologues.

He'd probably have quite a pleasant and nature-y smell? Like uhh citrus-y, pine tree, a hint of flowers, that kind of thing. Although he'd DEFINITELY slap on way too much cologne on a date or something and end up smelling like he just emptied out a bottle of febreeze.

He'd probably go out quite a lot! I can see Matt being a social butterfly, his friendliness and general likeability probably mean that he's got a few friends and stuff around. I can also see him as the kind of person who'd enjoy taking walks in the park, sitting below a tree, that kind of thing. He probably runs a self-love session (that works a little TOO well). He wants to get out there and show off his beautiful face, so it doesn't take a lot to drag him outside (provided you keep a mirror on you, that is).

He doesn't really have any physical scars. I mean, i do hc him with freckles, but they don't count so. he has a mental scar. After he hit himself with the memory eraser gun, he completely erased his memories. It took a while for him to settle onto the personality he has now. His face was the one thing that he knew for certain held a sense of familiarity and stability, so that's partly why his narcissism boomed so much. He sometimes gets random flashbacks of being a zombeh leader, being less of a nicer person, and it can be quite unnerving for him. He also has other memory issues, which is why he can forget things so easily, and comes across as an idiot most of the time.

He can be quite oblivious, but I dont think hes a total idiot. He can read people fairly well, and is emotionally intelligent. He says stupid things sometimes despite knowing they'll get a reaction, just because he wants to, and thinks that life should be as fun and full of joy as possible. He's too trusting, and wants to see the good in everyone. At the end of the day, if you disrespect him (and his face), you'll see that he can be more then just the nice guy.

LUSH!! Matt is HERE for all those lush products. I'm talking bath bombs, lip scrubs, shower jellies, all that good stuff! And ofc he has like 100+ products for his hair and skincare routine, because let's face it, it's Matt. I also like to think he owns a bunch of bath toys and rubber duckies, and like the kid at heart he is, he'll sit in a bubble bath playing with them, and re-enacting all of their adventures.

He mostly prefers youtube videos over TV, so you bet he's subscribed to all the beauty gurus, vloggers, people like that. He does think children's cartoons are nice to watch though, so every once in a while he'll force Tom and Edd to sit with him and watch the latest season of My little pony.

He likes anything sweet and fun to look at! Especially if it's trending, so he can post pictures of himself eating/drinking it. So if there's another rolled ice cream/new starbucks-ccino/unicorn themed food item floating about, he'll probably be trying it.

(Ah man this turned out way longer then i thought. It went from simple headcanons to like full blown theories whoops- maybe i should make seperate posts if its too difficult to read? Anyway let me know what you think nonetheless!)

[themanicgalaxy]

SPN 4X5 Monster Movie

ohohoho wait the title sounds promising

I like Meta Movie Shit it’s like 15% of my personality at LEAST at this point leave me alone

look I know I complain about filters but DAMN does the black and white make the Impala look nice

AHAHA NONDIAGETIC TO DIAGETIC MUSIC AND THE CHARACTERS COMMENT

wow I spelled that wrong but I don’t wanna check it 

save the world like the good old days? no I didn’t miss anything tho?? what?

heh “black and white case” THAT’S SO N E A T WITH THE FILTER

listen while I do think that Dean being in Hell should probably affect him more, him playing it for comedy is just so good

I hear “Agent young,” I sing “I hope Neil Young will remember” and then...hell maybe that was the reference

ah ~tourist season~

this shit is so twin peaks-y I love it

oh my god Anne Rice getting name dropped is WILD

“ok maverick” SSAKSKA

“he looked like a vampire” ah stellar witness I see

damn you you’re giving Eastern Europe a bad name

...ah agent young is Dean

ok so no scars, he seems excited

...re..hymenated..DEAN WHAT?

...see the dialogue...has just shifted to old timey, right? and so did the scenery

at least the girl is smarter

it’s ABSOLUTELY hilarious that this is all stuff they hunt so they have a problem with finding it as it imitates the on screen animals

THE MORGUE VISUALS! STUNNING!

seriously this playing on their expectations is SO NEAT

IT’S SHOT LIKE OLD TIME HORROR I S W E A R THERE’S A DIFFERENCE IT’S GREAT

~spoopy mummy on the loading dock~

I LIVVEEEDD BITCH

also it’s absolutely hilarious that the reason we no longer have a lot of mummies around is cuz Rich Europeans ate them

and really fucked up but also funny

oh NO NOT FINAL GIRL TROPE

GOD D A M M I T

DRACULA!!

they did the lighting thing!! HELL YEAH

PEPPER SPRAY HIM! YES GIRL!

hahaha he broke character

JOHNATHAN HARKER AND MINA REFERENCE!!

THAT’S WHAT I NAMED MY CAT AFTER

I don’t remember a romance with Mina in there but fine whatever creative license

Dean almost got bit by a Male Vampire huh

INTERMISSION AHAHAHA

Shapeshifter!!!

“the x files is a tv show, this is real” in the black and white filter...oh so tongue and cheek 

God I was half expecting a wink at the camera

MINA WASN’T THE INTENDED BRIDE, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN LUCY 

WHO THE HELL APPROVED THIS 

ok voyeuristic camera angles really Add to the horror damn

heh the ~responsibility burden

it’s nice Dean gets to talk about how much this sucks

Dean if you shut off I’m going to KILL you I want to know what’s going on

A mission from God!! 

I don’t care if that’s a blues brothers reference or not, I’m taking it as such

At least he’s found some purpose, although...hm I wonder where this is going

the ~phantom~!!

THE FUCKING SHIFT TO THE OTHER OPERA MUSIC AHAHA

Sam that’s his own fucking ear calm down

very Sinister Shots for Sam this scene I liked em

It’s Lucy? the Evil Woman of Dracula I’m telling you

aha and they were drugged! neat

the practical effects are So Neat tho!

oho, Frankenstein?

LiFe aIn’T a MoVie Dean you got something you want to say

listen, I get escaping into the glamor of a movie, I do

Man and Dean used to reference movies all the time :(

THE FUCKING DOORBELL

also “the monster wins” OHHH NO

I HAVE A COUPON HA

mention in recap: Dean+movies, monster winning, Lucy+dracula imagery, also the followup about hunters from the last one

bleh stupid controlling niceguy vampire

shit that dress does look good tho

ah yeah in real life this fucker gets killed near everywhere, but they’re famous on movies

kinnie but also Ow

sir you can’t coerce people into your life that’s not how that works

Sam: *pokes fun at his brother after he nearly got bbq’ed

Dean: SHUT UP

awwww

VAN HELSING’SSSS SERIOUS FACE

holy shit Jamie!!!

bitch why are you holding onto this, how?

sir you were a monster and you still got killed and OH I don’t like that wait

dammit Jamie and Dean are fun

Sam has been Suffering fOR 12 Y E A R S ok I’m done

Dean: It’d be nice if life was a movie AAAAA

and ends on a cute sibling note and the end? neat

okok I have meta: 

1. Listen listen listen, the “monster”(shifter) living in Real Life where he nearly gets killed all the time just for existing, has to fight to survive etc, finding monster movies and emulating them, but with the key difference of “the monster wins?” holy hell. It’s such a cool thing about how movies are our chance for escapism, and toss in a nice morally gray area for the monster as well. Like people use movies to escape, so we probably all relate to the monster a lot more anyway? like that’s such a compelling motivation it’s so cool!

and the fact that the monster still dies at the end is like. Ok you can either approach it as yknow, them saving the day or whatever, but I kinda felt it was like. He got to go out like those monsters in the movies? he clung to that reality, and got to go out in his version of dignity, while still feeding into the tragedy, because the monster really did die. It was the expected ending(monster dies in the end) but he seemed...to enjoy it(continued monologue right up until he died with a cool-ass shot)? he got to go out like his role models? Like you feel for him, but he did also kill people, but then the killing was also the role models. Like, complex motivation/story for this “monster of the week,” I thought it was interesting. And also, well done.

2. Also. Direct contrast to Dean. Dean’s the “references” guy, he always makes movie references. Or Ig he made them before he got jettisoned to Hell and had to figure himself out. If movies are positioned as Escape by the monster, Dean rejecting them in front of the monster, claiming real life is not that simple...feels like him stepping up to take on that Godly Responsibility. Especially because in this episode, Jamie says that “bro hunting sucks as a profession”(which is entirely true) and Dean says “yeah I thought that too”(aka the reference stage). Like the movies(and their rejection) show how Dean’s kinda stepping up to the “Ok, I’m a hunter, I’m here, I can't just check out or pretend this is a movie, this is real.”(As seen with his willingness to accept his “mission from God” and CALLING it as such when he was at first skeptical). Dean and the shifter are set up as foils, which is ALSO interesting because the last shifter also shifted into Dean. There’s probably something there(blend into whatever he’s been told to be by his Dad, by God whatever) but that’s not the thesis I’m going for here.

3. Worth noting, just little lore thing here, that Lucy is the Evil Woman in Dracula(the one that got turned into the vampire) and she ends up being the villain. And NO Mina was not Dracula’s bride, but she WAS lucy’s friend, so I’m going with Lucy/Mina because...no yeah that makes way more sense. 

4. sidenote, lamp shading that this is a show, how this is supposed to be Real(and highlighted with shifts from diagetic, the camera angles are Extra Theatrical, it’s a literal Black and White movie). But that lamp shading of the story+old movies like...was kinda integral to the plot, which. Yeah that’s how you do a Referential thing. It was done for a reason(on both ends, both Dean and the Monster have some kind of thing with movies), spotlighting it with Dean and Sam makes it show how this is a movie(although for what purpose I wasn’t really paying attention for) and also a nice homage on top. Cool use of meta style, I liked that a Lot and it looked really fucking good.

5. And this is just a little carry over from last time, but the fact that Sam and Dean don’t know about the rougarou kid is kinda a part of the inherent tragedy/revenge porn of hunting. They had no trouble believing Travis just Went for it, which doomed them not to ask the questions of Why, which doomed that poor kid and his mom. Their distrust and craziness and thirst for revenge is actively harming their mission, godDAMMIT one of you fuckers learn empathy and communication and teach it with the class.

Anyway. Movie Meta is my Shit so...yeah

[recklessyoshi]

4 Leaf Clover

Heyooo wassup it’s time for messy bitch hours.

So I haven’t really talked, much less hung out, with Alonso since the whole “I like you but not ready to be in a committed relationship” fiasco. That really left me in shambles by the way. It didn’t help that I had just started my BC and my emotions were all over the place. I made a playlist after we stopped talking and it didn’t help-- he was always on my mind. The last time I really talked to him was the monday of week 0. That was... a long time ago. I mean, I saw him at work but we never really interacted with each other after that. It was always a “hey” when I would enter the office for my shift. It was like this for almost two quarters.

Let’s fast forward to now. We finally hung out again after 5 months. Holy shit, it’s been that long? I really don’t know what got into me. It was mostly a mixture of Eman encouraging me to hit him up as a booty call, missing him, and a “fuck it” attitude. I’m leaving the country in a little less than a month now. Was it really a good idea to hit him up again and unwind these feelings again? Probably not, but it’s also a good idea to hit him up regardless because if I fuck up, I won’t see him again for another 5 months.

So, last week, I decided to get drunk with some friends so I could have the courage to message him. He doesn’t message me till the next day, but no worries! I was gonna drink that night anyways! Damn, being intoxicated really boosts your ego. We just make small talk, nothing new. I guess we catch up a little. Anyways, its Sunday and at this point I just want to cut the chase. I ask him if he was busy on Wednesday and he responds:

“Yeah, my roommate works from 5pm -2am if you want to study in my room.” bingo. 

Excellent, suggesting a strange hour like this definitely means bootycall. Except that I had work till 6 and 2 hours before my shift ends I see him in the office. What? He makes a comment about how he called out in the morning but still needed to make the schedule for the upcoming week. When I’m off work I ask him what the plan was still. He says he has to stay to finish the schedule and wants to gym after but I could still come over later.

I get a text around 7:30 saying that he’s too lazy to gym and I could come over. I take my time in coming and justine gives me a ride. I get to his new apartment for the year and we just talk. Literally. That’s all we did for the 4 hours that I was there. I honestly didn’t mind. But also, I’m trying to get over him yknow. Talking to him about his dreams and aspirations won’t really help me with that. Regardless, it was still really nice. I felt warm. He really is a character like I’ve never met before. Everytime we talk it’s always about something personal, deep. We talk about our acid experiences, personal growth, talk about my academic crisis, and frat life. We play fortnite for a bit too. Then he has to go for some practice thing and he ubers me home.

I tell Eman the following friday about the lack of sex we had and he tells me that Alonso had told him that he didn’t want to hurt my feelings? hm. My feelings were already hurt when he told me he didn’t want to date. I’m over that already. Really, I am. I wouldn’t ever hold it against him because he kind of told me about it from the start and I should have listened. Later that night I text him wondering how his elbow was doing (he fell from his board while trying to deliver some 7 Leaves, scraping his arm and leaving a fat bruise on his thigh). We make more small talk and he tells me how he can’t fall asleep. I mention the same thing and suggest he should just take a hit to go to sleep. He says he doesn’t have any weed. I suggest he should come over to smoke. He suggests to uber me to his house. So I took up the offer.

When he greets me at the door, he is shirtless. Damn, he’s still so fit, even skinnier than I remember. He has Indiana Jones playing in the background. He smokes while we lay on his bed. Eventually he just turns to me and I started blushing. Fuck! I still like him. He then leans in to kiss me. We start making out, he’s still as delicate as ever. I reached for his neck to mark my territory. I dont think I was successful actually. Eventually I get on top and take off my top. Things were getting pretty heated. I get this sudden wave of anxiety. Was it the weed? Maybe. I think it was also the sudden realization that I hadn’t had sex since the last time we had sex, 5 months ago. He gets on top and puts it in, thrusting some strokes into me. I can see his face in anguish though. I was getting insecure and thought he didn’t want to. So I asked him what was wrong and he points to his leg. I guess his fall really left him injured. I get on top of him again and just lead the way. I get too tired tho and suggest other positions. Eventually we both kind of just stop, he said he was still hard but his leg gave him too much pain. I could have easily just been on top, but frankly I get too insecure about being on top because I dont feel like I’m ever doing it right.

We talk some more before going to bed, he has a creative mind while high. Its around 5:30am. We didn’t cuddle, which made me a bit sad. I think I didn’t enjoy it this time around was because I felt the lack of connection. I still like him but knowing that he won’t reciprocate put me off. That, and foreplay. I don’t know what I’m doing. I want a next time, maybe when were both less (or more?) high and when his injuries heal. I don’t want a relationship because I’m leaving so soon but I also still crave intimate affection. I feel as though he can be my outlet, but who knows.