#that london bit was legit though he kept dying on me

[bastardsunlight]

//LONG-ass headcanon sesh for D, Alucard (Hellsing) and Adrian (CV’s Alucard) all kinda rolled into one.

So, since I don’t have radiantDecay anymore, I’ve sort of pulled back from the verse where Adrian BECOMES D. There was a lot of movement and timeline adjustment that had to happen for that one, and while it is in some way still possible, I’m not terribly interested in upkeeping a unique interpretation for a character that’s never really going to come into play. If you’re writing with D, it’s thousands of years after he was Adrian. If you’re writing with Adrian, it’s pre-1999 pretty much.

So, I have some documents someplace that I had written regarding D’s origins. The novels heavily imply that he’s somehow enhanced—y’know the movies hint at him just being super powerful Mary Sue turbo ultra dhampir simply because he is the son of “Our Sacred Ancestor” whomst we all pretty much know is Dracula himself right? Certain novels even hint that Mina Harker is his mother, if they don’t just outright state it. It might be the clunky translation (they really should have been more carefully transliterated because WOW some of those sentences just… don’t), but thus far it’s not been made CRYSTAL PERFECT CLEAR. However, I’m more than willing to run with that idea.

Dracula is, by the time Mina et. Al. come up against him, quite old, nigh ancient. I think that the Dracula of the Bram Stoker novel is or, rather, was the historical Vlad III Dracula Tepes (the impaler), born in the 1420s, “died” in the 1470s, iirc. Supposedly, the sultan at the time… Mehmed Fatih, kept his head in a box for a while before pinning him up on the walls of Constantinople, which the Turks controlled at the time. Ugly period in history for Eastern Europe… With Wallachia and Transylvania, in particular, two kingdoms in Romania, times were triple trouble. They were sandwiched between the Ottoman Empire to the east, then west was Eastern Orthodox Christendom—further west was Roman Catholicism and if you think THOSE guys didn’t fight, ding dong ur wrong!

BUT this period of violence produced one of the most well-known and controversial heroes (sometimes called a war criminal) of all time. Also he had a great ‘stache. Now when I write Hellsing’s Alucard, I roll with this same lore, so D and that Alucard could absolutely exist in the same ‘verse. It’s kind of a “darkest timeline” deal, a world in which the Belmont clan never existed. Before that even, Lisa never made Dracula’s acquaintance so the guy’s motivations are a little different. In addition, he is NOT Mathias Cronqvist, a tactician during the first crusades in 1090 AD. In that case, he would have revamped (PUN) his whole personality and integrated himself into one of the other great houses of Wallachia/Transylvania and re-emerged four hundred years later as Vlad the Impaler. That could work fine—not like he hasn’t got time—and that would have been around the time he met, and lost, Lisa. Now whether THAT part of history looks the same is dubious, since Vlad’s exploits during the period of his reign/deposition/reign/deposition/beheading are pretty decently documented. In this case, I’m going to say the Belmonts’ existence is in a timeline where those conflicts also may have played out differently. As these are all fictional worlds, I guess this’s up to ME atm. Nice.

So this is part “how I write D” and part “how I’d be inclined to write Alucard (Hellsing) in interactions that take place BEFORE the manga—like WAY before”. Since Adrian would have been a major contributing factor to the Belmonts’ strength from Trevor onward (so in the games idk if folks know this, but Adrian is Trevor’s father, with Sonia Belmont being his mom), that would also have contributed, at least in part, to the ability of the Belmonts to stomp Dracula and his minions.

With D, there is no need to include Mathias and his ebony/crimson stone conundrum, which does tend to throw a small monkey wrench in the ol’ gears (but not big enough I can’t adapt, trust me). The difference, aside from lack of Belmonts, is the origin of vampires. Clearly, they’re a magical construct or a spell-woven form of sentient life in Castlevania. In Vampire Hunter D, it’s heavily implied (once again, not outright stated) that the Nobility, some of them anyway, are simply a mutation of humanity (Dark Gene vs Light Gene, Lina’s whole deal, among other passages here and there), who also happen to be allergic to garlic, crucifixes, running water, and basic-ass Bram Stoker weaknesses. They’ve even got labs full o’ Nobles tryin’a conquer the sun issue.

So to know D, we gotta know his dad first. At the beginning, Vlad III is born to (big surprise) Vlad II. He and his brother are sent to Edirne as part of the Ottoman Empire’s “tribute” of however many young  boys from noble houses, to be trained in the ways of Islam and Turkish mannerisms, etc. This is more for pacification of that region of Europe, which is still Eastern Orthodox, than it is for real “peace”. It’s “peace because you guys are a good buffer zone between us and the rest of Eastern Orthodox-dom”, anyway. Every _voivode_ of Wallachia has to swear allegiance to either the Ottoman Empire or to the Eastern Orthodox church. While most of that area is EO, it’s in their best interest to swear to the Ottoman Empire. They’re bigger and closer. Vlad’s dad has done some underhanded shit, but he’s also a member of the Order of the Dragon and has propelled it to new heights within the EO and that’s where Vlad gets his name: Dracula, which is Son of the Dragon. So Vlad II’s immediate family are known as the Draculesti, which is fucking cool—it’s like “children of the dragon” and that’s not even his like, NAME name—it’s a frickin’ nickname, or sobriquet, as is Tepes.

In the world of Vampire Hunter D, vampirism appears to be a genetic phenomenon—ironically, a mutation. No Noble is going to admit that, OBVIOUSLY. And while it’s true, they were probably born that way, they’re still a mutant human derivative. Rather than mutating due to radiation or whatevermstthefuck like the actual mutants in VHD, they’re just born that way. So what I’m rolling with is Vlad III was born with that particular mutation and, kind of like my OC Toby, who is also a genetic vampire, it takes a violent or unnatural death to trigger the actual symptoms, else you’re just a normal-ass person. In fact, in this interpretation, I’m going to say that maybe quite a few people are BORN with that mutation, but if they live to a ripe old age and die, it never triggers. Most likely, the body is too enfeebled to handle it, maybe it dies after menopause/andropause? Either way, the body has broken down too much and there’s no material to work with.

That might also go a long way to explain the animosity many old vampires have toward humanity. Sometimes it’s straight up contempt, of course, but every single time, it seems to be a removal. Carmilla is a good example. Most of the time, her backstory involves a vicious assault that might very well have killed her. Imagine dying that way and waking back up to find that you had to KEEP living in the world that did this to you, that death is FAR far off. I can understand being VERY PERTURBED, to put it mildly. By the same token, what about war? How many folks die in war? Thousands? Millions? Of all those, how many have the mutation? Probably quite a few. Some folks might not figure out what’s going on and stay where they are, buried for decades, before just wasting away without sustenance—Vampires DO require blood, after all, to keep doin’ their thing. Plenty more are probably just torched in the sun. Since they were KIA, it might be rough finding their bodies in the first place…

So Vlad is beheaded—now this part intersects VERY well with Hellsing’s Alucard in my portrayal—and Mehmed Fatih keeps his head close at hand for a bit, probably talking to it. What happens when it starts talking back? We know Dracula has some SERIOUSLY kickass abilities and putting himself back together would definitely be one of ‘em, in my humble opinion. Mehmed dies not long after he achieves “victory” over Vlad the Impaler and no one knows where Vlad’s remains are. Maybe they up and walked the fuck away, hm? Maybe it was HE who ensured Mehmed’s destruction. How poetic would THAT be? Spoiler alert ||very||.

Now imagine going through everything he did—the guy had a tumultuous life. He might be one of the few, lucky ones who figure out that sunlight is a no-go, hide himself away, eventually go back to haunt his castle in the mountains between Transylvania and Wallachia. Now fast forward to the 1800s, MODERN TIMES (heehee okay) and one very ambitious realtor who wants to sell a creepy old abbey to some weird foreigner. Seems legit. Anyway by now we can see that Dracula’s gotten kinda nutty? He has three scary “wives” but he doesn’t seem to care much for ‘em. They’re obviously vampires, too, though I cannot recall if they’re turned by him or if they’re LIKE him—anyone who’s read it recently, do feel free to refresh me.

He’s kinda senile and while he’s crafty, he’s outsmarted by a dandy, an ancient-ass doctor, a dude who cannot stop fainting, a man named Quincey (my husbando), and Jack Seward—nuff said. He has some kind of congress with Mina, though ofc it’s the Victorian age so the only penetration is that of his li’l toofers on her poor neck. Nom. I don’t think Dracula banged Mina Harker. I think that, in THIS world, a dhampir is a nigh-impossibility, because at this point (and their cool-ass vampire science might’ve changed this), vampires are The Undead™ and therefore cannot CREATE LIFE. Not even if they have a raging turboner (that’s a turbo boner, for those of u not in the know). So he bit Mina, but before he did that, Mina married Jonathan—like as soon as he got home. They were married and living together and doing the frickle frackle, presumably, before Drac shows up in London to mess up their day.

In this case and for the sake of sanity, to create a dhampir, the vampire must chew on a pregnant lady. The curse lifts from her when the master is killed, but his blood has already entered and changed the child; the process is much longer and more involved for an adult human, who has an immune system and much more ground to cover. If the smol bean was in embryo stage or even fetal, it had no defense and mom’s body provided it with everything, Dracula’s blood, included. The final set of letters in Dracula mentiones a young boy, Jonathan and Mina’s son, Quincey, named after their fallen friend. So little Quincey is a dhampir!

Now, a bitten vampire cannot, in this universe, turn anyone else. They can feed and create thralls, but they can’t make VAMPIRES. In Hellsing lore, if a vamp bites you and you’re a virgin, you become one—if not, you become a ghoul/zambolio thingamajigger. Integra narrates this for us pretty early on. But it’s not Alucard’s venom doing this. It’s the vicar of Cheddar Village, who is a manufactured vampire. He’s not a true vampire, not like Alucard. Now, Alucard DOES ask Seras if she’s a virgin ‘fore he kills and bites her, which makes sense… IF HE LOVED MINA.

Hear me out. So, he saw this strong-ass bitch and thought “goddamn I’m sick of my whiny, vicious wives UGH I need me a woman like that”. So he’s gunna turn her. It probably takes longer since he hasn’t been powered up by Hellsing and their dark science-magic shit, or whatever it was… OR as he chomps on ‘er, he realizes “well fuck me she’s preggo, so even if she changes, I can’t have her”. Pregnant blood has GOTTA taste different, all those hormones and shit, even early on. I think he did have some weird admiration-affection for her. His arrogance and greed, however, has taken him over, so perhaps he decides to change her slow, to make the fellas suffer. They’ve fucked with him so he’s gunna fuck with them, but I think it pains him a little to do so, because lbr Mina’s the woman of his dreams.

So when Quincey is born, he’s perfect, healthy, rosy-cheeked, and by god only Mina knows something’s amiss. Damned if she’s going to say shit to Jonathan, who’s liable to faint, the absolute fucking walnut. They live fairly well, having taken over the real-estate business from their wonderful, generous, dead benefactor. 

Much like Carmilla’s weirdo ghost, however, Dracula’s spirit absolutely lives on.

TL; DR D was born Quincey Harker. 

[neureaux]

alright, so something not chill happened on my last day but hear me out (if u want lol) bc it turned out to be kind of good? for me

so, it’s the day before the last, and i’ve gotta change hotels to one closer to the airport to be better situated for my flight. so i’m plodding along with my walker, and i stop off for a final glass of wine before i go and check my email and they’d cancelled my reservation randomly. ok. so i realised i’d literally been spending into the hotel money because they’d put it back into my account so i panic and eventually end up calling my older brother (even though we like don’t talk) and he sends me juuust enough cash because i didn’t wanna ask my partner or my friends to deal with anymore of my stuff or to keep having to help me. ok.

so i’m on the tram there, it takes forever but i’ve got music so it’s chill, i’m tired af and it’s been not a great day for the feels so i’m stoked to get back and check into my new room. i get off the tram, and start walking what looks like a short distance on the map, but i realise my battery’s getting low. it’s fine, it’s like not a long walk and we got power saver mode. so i keep on trucking, ‘till i notice a growing stinging in my back and hips has gotten to a point where it was making movement difficult and i’m like, ‘yo how long have i been walking?’ bear in mind, i quickly realised that these roads were suuuper fucked up (like alternating terrain dirt roads/rocks etc) and i was trying to control a FULLY loaded walker and a pull along suitcase precariously hooked onto one side and it was *not* going well. anyway, i look closely at the route and realise my ass is 1.5 miles away, and there’s no fucking transport there. at this point i obviously can not afford the taxi that it would make sense to immediately call. so, i keep walking and decide i’m walking a couple miles today.

now in the last half a mile or so, my phone dies without warning and that’s sort of where shit hits the fan, ‘cause we can’t figure out directions without our phones (at least, i can’t) and so i get lost almost immediately AND have no music and my thoughts just catch up with me, especially with my body in this much pain, the underfoot terrain getting worse and worse like that and me having to twist and wrench my spine to drag my suitcase out of potholes and bigger and bigger muddy ditches, after a while i’d been waking for legit hours and i was just like... despairing lmao. so, there’s this weird, dark, wet and DEEP ravine/ditch and obviously i get stuck in it all the while not really knowing where i am, and i’m in so much pain and i’m panicking, the way out looks so steep and impossible and i was going over and over how simple the solutions to avoid things like this actually were/are when your life is normal/starts normally and thought of a taxi and why i couldn’t get one, how much the crazy awful luck in my life affects even the most simplest of things and makes them a battle for me and how much everyone i love always has to slog it out with me or give something they have for me to even be on an even playing field to experience normal things or be normal and how much of a gross, bad luck riddled anchor i felt like to everyone i know and love and i finally settled on the fact that i knew that i genuinely felt like they would be better off if none of them knew me and i just fucking lost. my. shit. it was totally private and there was nobody around except for passing cars on a motorway i’d spotted over the top of the ditch past the steep drop, it must’ve been about 30-40 meters deep if not more. i fucking screamed over and over again at the top of my lungs, and i cried from my gut, like an unfiltered child, open mouthed and just roaring, i must have sounded like i was legit fucking dying but looking back, it was catharsis. in London, there aren’t many places where you don’t have to worry about other people or your neighbours and cap your tears and your sadness and blunt and mute your feelings and it’s the same in your everyday life there too, pretending things hurt less than they do and forcing yourself to endure shit you don’t want to and do it with an acceptable amount of feeling only; too much is too much and too little is as if it never happened at all - point is, there’s so much emotional complexity in being a societal participant and loved one in London and in that moment i was alone, in a foreign country, my body was giving up and my muscles burned, and i was freezing, i was tired and my heart was heavy with pain and i knew i had no choice but to take this steep drop or force my body to walk like an hour backwards to get out which i knew i couldn’t physically handle and i just let it rip i guess, the space around me seemed almost endless and dark, and i just screamed and cried for a while in a way that i’ve wanted to for months and let out some emotions that i had wrestled to the back of my mind. and then after a while i put my walker in park, jammed my cane into the mud and grass inside the ditch grabbed the pull handle of my suitcase and dragged it up the hill that seemed impossible at my own pace and with my own adapted methods, gradually tugging it up there literally screaming in both anguish and pain lol.

i must have looked insane, honestly but there was nobody out there to help, and i had tried to find help or flag someone down when i still had access to the road and it was just desolate, like 3 cars an hour type shit and by the time it got to that point i looked crazy so they weren’t particularly inclined to stop, i don’t blame them. it felt like it took forever and the triumph of actually making it was short lived, because i had to go back for my walker with everything on it which obviously was 1. really, really hard without my walker lol and 2. Impossible looking because of the steepness AND wet, slipperiness of the hill and how much i had already struggled with something much lighter and 3. pain??? so i knew instantly that it would be way harder but i just did the same, i’m not even sure how really? it took me way longer but i just dragged it up screaming, mud everywhere, i felt like that one anecdote of a mother lifting a car off of her child with sheer adrenaline and maternal instinct my sweet dudes. lmao, it must have been an aaaabsolute sight and i could not make this shit up.

so i reach the top right, i’m heaving and i’m on the side of the motorway with my bags and shit and i’m just crying openly on the motorway now i don’t give a fuck, like i was too tired to dance emotionally for the cars & act ‘together’ lmao and after a while somehow i just start like limping down the side of it, and the crying was just like some feeble autopilot mode shit and my whole face was like numb, and it was just a few minutes before this kind Muslim man stopped at the side of the road and i told him my phone was dead and we googled my hotel’s address and he’d told me the hotel was like a few minutes away and showed me on the map, and he was like ‘hop in’ and i’m like ‘fuck it, i’d probs die if i kept trying to walk and drag all this shit with me anyway’ so i hop in the car and he takes me back there, and i avoid eye contact and stop crying pretty much when i get in and say than you and besides some crying on and off from the relief of my hotel room, the tears tapered off. i still felt pretty bad but i spoke to my younger brother for a few hours (who i was actually trying to call earlier when i spoke to my elder one) and he made me feel better and sent some cash for breakfast etc. he said that he feels similar sometimes, but there’s something positive we can take from every moment of pain, and he’s the one that pointed out that like, maybe i needed a place to do that? despite him wishing i didn’t have to hurt myself and walk for miles to find it, maybe in some strange way it was a bit serendipitous because i never have the space to feel the pain that having less conventional lives like ours brings and i think he’s right at least in part.

regardless, besides telling one of my friends the cliffnotes, i gotta go back and essentially pretend that this didn’t happen and i’ve probably gotta downplay it to that friend - and that’s sort of why i think i needed it. we can’t really react to having lives like this in the ways that it deserves to be reacted to, as adults we’re confined and constricted and there’s sort of a conveyer belt fashion feel to emotions and How To Feel Appropriately with added layers as brits, especially with also being emotionally close with a couple of people that aren’t emotionally developed enough to handle emotions that may or may not be a bit extraordinary or ‘a lot’ occasionally(e.g. a trauma survivor in crisis), so you have to kind of guide them through your pain and make sure you don’t scare them with the force of it lol. so as much as i didn’t really get to express myself to anyone in my life in a way that felt 100% or really get to feel even sort of understood by anyone except someone that had experienced some of the trauma with me, i got it out of me and in that moment i was honest with me, and my emotions, feelings and experiences and i felt like i faced that pain and i looked at it for what it was and how i perceived it at that moment. it honestly almost feels like an epiphany for me, but we’ll have to see about when i get home.

i’ve got a bunch of stressful shit to sort out when i come home and like i always say, i have to clean up and do damage control for the effects of 2018 (and like january honestly) and this isn’t to say i won’t cry sometimes or feel overwhelmed or stressed, i’m not an idiot but i feel like The Big Cry has happened, and i’ve taken something away from that and i can choose to let that something be useful to me, or not. i think it’ll be healthy for me to choose the former in the long run. so honestly i guess the moral here is like go scream in the woods or smth i don’t know lol, conventional solutions aren’t always the remedy or part of catharsis for unconventional pain and you never know, some small part of you might feel relieved that it’s not just bouncing around inside of you and damaging shit that it touches even symbolically - but i just know that i feel a little less... something

[nirah10]

Some more posts about AIDS

Another mass post, as I had several more when I signed in today.

From Anon,

My favourite character on Queer as Folk is hunter.

The teen prostitute who was taken in by Michael and his husband Brian.

Hunter was abandoned at a early age and grew up on the streets, the poor kid selling his body to men for food and money. It is a very, very sad story.

He was eventually found and taken in my Michael and Ben.

With only a few hiccups (such as Hunter fucking a murderer because he wants to prove himself to Brian who he has a weird little crush on.)

Hunter is HIV positive.

:(

The poor kid went through a nightmare of a childhood, was getting his life back in order, wanted to go to high school, only to find out he has HIV. 20 years ago. When the death rate was crazy high.

Where HIV for most was still a death sentence.

With Hunter, they handled his story differently to the adults in the series with HIV.

Hunter is still so young, and in high school and so they focused on the stigma of HIV.

Hunter being outed as HIV positive in front of his school after parents of another kid freaked out after they saw him bleeding:

https://youtu.be/PS3A2sim744

Everyone staring at Hunter at school and clearing the path around him. Look at how small and self-conscious he looks here. It makes me so sad.

https://youtu.be/yo5u0u9UN8I

Then Hunter being harassed by school bulloies:

https://youtu.be/rCCQxIYWVSg

These are there very short clips.

But the reason I am sharing them as they focus on the Stigma of having HIV, especially as a young man.

Not only do you know something in your body might kill you, not only are you seeing the people around you dying, but you have to deal with this ignorance.

Sharing this, as while it is rare to see an adult with HIV on television, it is even rarer to see a teen with it, and it does happen. And it is freaking heartbreaking.

You can almost feel Hunter’s pain in these scenes can’t you?

Do you think this character is more likeable that Brian?

What is the most realistic protrayal of living with HIV that you have seen in a movie or on a television show?

Dear Anon,

He’s definitely a more sympathetic character for sure. He’s pretty rough around the edges but it’s easier to look past when you know he’s just a kid with such an awful background. To be honest, the only other thing I’ve seen that had any focus on AIDS whatsoever was the movie I Love You, Phillip Morris (based on a true story and actually stayed pretty accurate), which touched on it but didn’t have a heavy focus. I’ve also never known anyone in real life with HIV/AIDS (that I know of) so I can’t really comment on what’s realistic or not.

From Anon,

https://youtu.be/yAzDn7tE1lU

Sharing for the first two minutes. From 0.00 until 1.25.

AIDS is only just started to be called AIDS, and the White House response is to laugh at the “gay plauge”. (It was often called the gay plauge or the gay cancer as a formal name hasn’t been put into place yet.)

This was legit the government’s response to 900 YOUNG MEN DYING in ONE YEAR. Amercian men, their own people.

This was only the start of the crisis. Heaps more men died.

This video was at the start. Do you think AIDS would have been different if it wasn’t gay men dying from it? Do you think of the government of the time cared, it would have spread as far and as quickly in America as it did? By the mid 1980’s, it was ten times worse, really an epidemic.

Dear Anon,

I guarantee it would have had a different response if it wasn’t “a gay disease”. The fact that people laughed when the reporter says it’s known as the “gay plague” and the response is “I don’t have it, do you?” clearly reflects that they don’t care about it because it’s not “their” problem. It’s a gay problem and why should they care about gays? The response here is disgusting.

From Anon,

'It’s hard for people who weren’t around then to imagine what AIDS used to look like. It was an epidemic that turned young men old; murdered beauty and promise. You knew someone at work who wouldn’t feel well, you wouldn’t see him for a few days, you would never see him again. AIDS made men ghosts.' I'm 17. I don't know much about HIV, expect that is was first discovered in the gay community and it effects gay men more than any other group. these stories are so sad. I didn't know how bad it was.

From Anon,

History of a crisis

I know this is a seven minutes video, and is a bit long, but it is worth watching.

It covers five different time periods, and it is honestly terrifying to see how quickly the numbers jump. They just keep getting higher and higher in this video.

It was honestly terrifying.

If this was dealt with properly, i think millions could have been saved.

It wasn’t just in the United States though. The numbers were just as high in places like London.

Ages ago I saw a billboard saying: “AIDS is a gay disease. Own it.” I don’t think that was homophobic.

Over two thirds of HIV infections TODAY are gay men. Even with straight people have sex and one had HIV, it is much harder to transmit than between two males. AIDS and HIV is still much higher in gay men. We can’t ignore that.

HIV cost so many young gay men their lives. Many of these young men were active members of the gay community? Isn’t it a bit of an insult to ignore their sexuality and their identity? To remove their sexuality as it makes people uncomfortable?

HIV led to gay men being bashed at higher rates, more hate crimes, more seperation between gay and straight and really made the gay community have to rely on each other, as the rest of the world turned their backs.

Isn’t to deny the history of this wrong?

Gay people suffered so much because of HIV. And to ignore it is not only disrespectful to the men who died while fighting for awareness, it is also dangerous.

To tell young gay men they are not at any more risk than their straight friends is irresponsible. Sure, their straight friends can get it too, but the chances are much higher for gay men. And to not edcuate gay teens about this and to let them go out into the world not being aware that they need to be extra careful is stupid.

From Anon,

‘Jack can’t get sick so I imagine that means that bacteria/viruses can’t survive in his body at all. Because of that, I suspect he doesn’t use condoms very often,’ I’m guessing though in the 1990’s and early 2000’s especially (and hopefully past then as HIV still kills people and still doesn’t have a cure) that at least some of the men Jack was with insisted on safety? I’m sure men from the 1990’s/2000’s after seeing so many friends and lovers die in the 1980’s would not have gone near Jack without a rubber.

But you said he Jack didn’t really use protection. Did he just convince the men he was with he didn’t need one?

Because talked into not using rubber, especially by a long term boyfriend, was a big way it spread. Hopefully some of the men refused Jack right?

Dear Anon,

No, Jack wouldn’t have pushed for going without. If someone he was with wasn’t comfortable having sex without a condom, then he would have just done what they wanted. I just meant that I doubt he would have ever suggested using one and would have happily gone without as long as his partner didn’t say anything about it.

From Anon,

‘After John’s AIDS diagnosis, I was rushed in for my own test. It remains the scariest thing I’ve ever done. Back then, it could mean a death sentence.

I asked him how he happened to contract a disease largely transmitted through gay sex. He told me he’d slept with men, which, at the time, surprised me. It was the beginning of a world falling apart.

My AIDS test came back negative: The kids and I had been spared. But nine months later, John died.’

This sounds similar to what happened to my grandfather, who died in 1985, when my dad was only a kid himself.

He was aware of what was happening around him and despite not wanting to come out (being out in the 1980’s was hard- it was hard to hold down a job as an out gay man) he told my grandmother that she should probably get tested as he has been sleeping with men throughout their marriage and that the man he has been having an affair with for two years had just found out he had HIV.

My grandfather hasn’t been tested himself yet when he told my grandmother, he had just found out his boyfriend had it and was spooked.

My grandparents got the tested together.

He was positive. She was negative.

He died shortly after, still young.

My grandmother didn’t tell my dad or his siblings what happened for years and years. They actually found out by accident, after my aunt was talking to one of his friends, his friendbdidntf realise my aunt didn’t know. My aunt told all her siblings.

All those young men who died just make me really depressed. Thinking about how many died alone, scared and not knowing what was going on because most of the straight world were ignoring the crisis, the period was dropped in homophobia.

It would have been beyond awful, to die of something that was just known at the time as 'the gay plauge’. No one wanting to help you our of fear of getting AIDS yourself. Many people blaming the victims themselves, facing homophobia and hatred right up until they died.  

Have you ever seen the Tom Hanks movie Philadelphia from 1992?

Tom Hanks plays a gay man dying of AIDS, who was fired from his workplace and decides to try and sue them. In the film they talk about 'guility’ and 'innocent’ victims. Hank’s character was considered “gulity” as he contracted HIV through sex with men. Another female character with HIV was referred to by a lawyer as an “innocent victim after catching HIV through no fault of her own”, a blood transfusion after giving birth. That is really how they looked at it back then. If you were gay with HIV it was deemed “your own fault.” It is a really good movie. Sure, being from the 1992’s, Tom Hanks’ boyfriend is kept kinda to the sidelines, but I think it is one of the best HIV films out there.

Did you have any friends or family caught up in the virus?

Dear Anon,

I haven’t heard of this movie before actually and, no, as far as I know, I’ve never known anyone with HIV/AIDS. My family are Jehovah’s Witnesses though, so I was raised in an extremely religious and isolated community, which meant we didn’t really hear about this stuff.

From Sally,

https://youtu.be/ULrqL_aYoW0

I think it is really positive to see people discussing HIV and the gay community, as it is often brushed aside.

Just sharing this five minute video of Castro, one of the first queer spaces in the world to be hit by the crisis.

Listening to these men, in the present day, talk about what it was like watching their friends around them die makes me feel numb, thinking about how hard it must have been for my uncle watching his boyfriend die, and how hard it must have been for my mum watching her brother die.

It is only a short video, but I feel hearing the stories of the men who were in the middle of the crisis during this time period is important. I cried when the man was talking about people he knew thinking the gay community getting AIDS was a good thing, because it was ‘punishment by god.’ that contrasted with the hundreds and hundreds of photographs of all those men put together really got to me.

I really want to go and find the full documentary now.

Also, I talked to my mum, she wasn’t mad at me. She told me her parents tried to manipulate her like that when she was my age as well, and they were really good at it. I told my grandparents if they want info about my uncle, they had to go through my mum and make her think they deserve it. I doubt they will contact her. Thank you so much for your advice.

From nololmaybe,

My year ten health teacher was fired after he showed this trailer to our year ten health class.

Not even the full movie, just this trailer.

Parents complained and he was fired. Like, parents were threatening to pull their kids out of the school of they didn’t get rid of him.

Apparently this trailer promotes violence, immoral behaviour and violent protest.

Legit, he was fired for showing this, not even the whole movie. Just this. He told us he didn’t have time to show us the film, but that we should watch it of we could because it is important.

Do you think there is anything bad in this trailer? Do you think it promotes violence against the government?

To be fair, our school also fired a gay teacher a year before this incident happened.  The school is protected because of a “religoius freedom” law because it is a church funded school.

https://youtu.be/haEPLCA_H2Y

But do you see this as promoting violence against the government?

Dear nololmaybe,

Aw, hell no, that had nothing to do with promoting violence. That was 100% pure homophobia, that was.

[happynowidiot-blog-blog]

I never even went over my birthday. It was fun for the most part. There were a few unforeseen circumstances but it worked out. Jules has officially come back into our lives. He came and hung out with us while we got ready that night and then ended up sleeping on the couch. Other George even stopped by for a bit which was a bit unexpected but wonderful. I adore him. George ended up not being able to make it. I’d talked to him the week before and he said he wasn’t sure yet and he had legit reasons which somehow made it worse if only because it meant I couldn’t be mad at him. Penny called him on my actual birthday and he said the chances were slim to none so at least I didn’t get my hopes up.

The day after my birthday party, Shahida went to go visit her brother so Penny and I (as usual) got shitfaced and made bad decisions. SUCH bad decisions. We were so, so hung over that Sunday. Myles called us and made us go see Tangled with his little sister Grace that morning and we almost died. Grace is seven, though, and so damn adorable. She has Myles wrapped around her little finger. The cutest thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life was when he picked her up at one point. Myles is 6'4’’ and she’s this tiny blond girl. I could’ve have died from the cute. And just for the record, Tangled was fantastic. I loved everything about it.

I’m sure stuff happened the next week but I can’t really remember. The next incident of note was last weekend. We decided to go into central to go to this bar the girls had been to once. It was kind of a disaster but we did make the decision to go talk to this table of guys instead of leaving. They ended being almost exactly our age and all of them were in the military. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, they were members of the British Armed Forces. I ended up talking to this guy James who’s probably even more argumentative than I am but he was so attractive. I hit his arm at one point and had to force myself to move my hand off of the solid muscle I found there. Everything was going good, there were three of us and four of them and we all seemed to be getting along swimmingly until the bar closed and we moved to another one. Thank god I’d only had one drink all night. I would not have been able to deal with the military politics I was suddenly a part of if I’d had any more.

We got to the second bar and were followed by a bunch of guys who outranked the guys we were with. This apparently is a big deal. The guys we were with clammed up. They stopped talking, they took all this shit from the other guys. I feel like I may have gotten James in trouble because one of the higher ranking guys (who appeared to be the leader of the platoon) kept hitting on me. I kept turning him down and ignoring him. I could tell he was getting irritated and kept shooting James pleading looks. Eventually, James walks up and says, “I can’t do anything. I’m sorry. He outranks me.” He then told Shahida to go rescue me though and saved me a seat next to him that put an entire table and a large group of people between us and the higher ranking guy. We hung out with them for the rest of the night, eventually wandering around Oxford St trying to get a cab (surprisingly hard at 4 am) and listening to the boys complain about being cold because none of them had coats. Well, the majority of them didn’t complain too badly but James was convinced he was actually dying. It was hilarious. We eventually called a cab and then accidentally almost kidnapped them (James was so exhausted he would have actually cried).

We exchanged contact info outside their hotel and hugged all around. The one guy Matt is 6'5’’ and when I hugged him he was so excited. I had taken my heels off so I’m roughly a foot shorter than him. He walked over to hug me and goes “Aw, it’s like a waist hug. This is adorable!” It was so cute. We made plans to see them the next day and went home. They were really sweet guys. I like all of them a lot. Matt had hilarious stories from uni (including when he woke up in a Subway six hours away from where he lived because his friends went through a phase where they’d put drunk people on trains) and Chris has awesome taste in movies and tv shows. James may have been argumentative but he was a good guy who’s close to his family and is actually a very serious person.

The next night, plans fell through with Myles and we met the guys at a pub in Covent Garden. James wasn’t with them. It was disappointing but it was still an alright night. We brought them to Big Chill where, as is my life, Mario was hanging out. Turns out he was in London for the week. Of course, he was. He tried to get me to leave with him later and when I wouldn’t he got a bit grabby. Nothing I can’t handle but had James actually been there he probably would have punched him in the face. It wouldn’t have been pretty. Mario continued to text me even once we’d gone home with the guys getting progressively ruder. Luckily, I woke up to an apology text or I would have had to kill him. The guys spent the night, the one guy Chris is Penny’s room and Matt on the couch.

Jules picked a good time to come back into our lives. Turns out he’s obsessed with HIMYM. We’ve watched so much with him lately lol. I also just forgot how funny he is. He hung out with us all night on my birthday and then came over this Friday to hang out with us. We actually did nothing. We had a few drinks at the flat just talking and joking around and then headed to Big Chill for a drink. We said hi to the disgusting amount of staff that we know and sat up in this couch-y type area just talking. We literally had like one or two drinks each and then came home so we could watch HIMYM. Well, there was a slight detour to the sketchy chicken place during which we went through Jules’s wallet (that we desperately want to replace with something leather and grown up) and I got told by the chicken guy that I’m "white but beautiful”. Oh yes. We need to go there less. Jules crashed on the couch eventually and we made him promise to wake us up before he left. The loser did not but that did give me an excuse to put “Wake Me Up Before You Go, Go” on his wall. It was really nice to see him. I honestly have such a good time with Jules. We’re all so instantly comfortable with him. It’s so great to not have to be on the top of our game all the time.

I have so much more to write up including the status of the Martin situation, my purse getting stolen, the intense booty calling this week, and the events of Tuesday night but my shift is about to end so I guess I’ll do it another time.