#that rather than going ''my old writing is shit i should've been killed for that alone'' i say ''i improved :)''.

[daz4i]

it may be obvious to others but i am genuinely surprised every time i go back to old writing and see that I've actually improved since. who knew practicing a craft makes you better in it. this has literally never happened to me before

[renn-phrs]

[𝑩𝑬𝑵𝑬𝑨𝑻𝑯 𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑺𝑲𝑰𝑵 𝑶𝑭 𝑶𝑼𝑹 𝑻𝑨𝑻𝑻𝑶𝑶𝑺 ; 𝑯𝑨𝑰𝑻𝑨𝑵𝑰 𝑩𝑹𝑶𝑻𝑯𝑬𝑹𝑺]

WARNINGS : Major character death, Strong languanges

"FUCKING HELL RAN PICK THE FUCKING PHONE !!" Rindou curses on the phone hitting his steering wheel as he tries to dial Ran for the 12th time but no response he gets from his beloved brother. The negative thoughts clouded his mind on what happened to him. He should've taken the mission with Ran or just him alone. Now he is driving past the speed limits not caring about the red and blue light behind him combined with the widely-known siren getting closer.

"SHIT!" Rindou violently turns his steering wheel to the small alleyway to get away from the cops that have been chasing him for the last 20 minutes. He looked at the map that displayed on his car monitor.

"Any leads to the bastard that stole our documents?" Sanzu ask.

"Got those peeps' location if we wanted to plan an ambush." Koko raised his hand. His eyes never leave his laptop, typing something on it.

"Don't think we could. We have a lot on our plate this week. 2 weeks prior we agreed to hold a meeting with Taiju on Friday, then we got a deal coming in 2 days at the docks. Got new items too," Takeomi signaled Koko to write it down which he replies with a nod, "And sadly we need those papers before tomorrow."

"I can do it." Everyone's eyes glance at the owner of the voice. "We don't need to plan a big ambush. We've killed a bunch of men before, and I believe I could outstand them just by myself and my trusty baton." Ran tapped the table with his baton, a smile formed on his face.

"There are 20-ish of his men, I think you nee-"

"Come on, Kaku. You know me better than this."

Everyone in the room looked at each other, contemplating whether they should send him off or not.

"I go with you." Rindou sigh, as he was about to get up, Ran throw his baton across him, hitting Rindou in the head, "BROO???"

"Na-ah. You sit there nicely as your big brother do the job." Ran snickered, getting up to pick his baton and pinched Rindou's cheeks.

"Later losers."

"RANN!! RAN WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU!!" Rindou shouted but no one replied on the empty basement. "RANN ANSW-"

"You missed me that much brother?" A voice called him from his back. There his brother, Ran leaning on the pillar beside him while cleaning his hand with a handkerchief.

"Fucking hell you scared me! Of course I do dumbass, you gave me an SOS call and don't even pick my 12 damn calls." He smacked Ran's head earning a low groan from him

"Ehehe, My phone broke," He chuckled, pointing at the people that lying on a pool of red liquid, "I threw it at one of those bastards."

"But you are okay, right?" Rindou tapped his shoulder.

"How can a Haitani Ran not be okay?" He joked, not really funny but oh well, it's "the great" Haitani Ran what do you expect?

As they were about to leave the place, Ran suggested that they should come to the beach which Rindou didn't approve since they need to go back to the hideouts to bring the stolen papers to Mikey.

After a little bit of convincing and pushing, his brother gives up and tells him to hop in the car. The ride to the beach was quiet, only the songs came out radio accompany them. Rindou glances at his brother who is being weird all the entire ride. He sits rather nicely, crossing his legs to the other side and his hand folded on his lap. His eyes never leave the road until they arrived.

"Ran we are here," He said taking his seat belt and shoes off before getting out of the car followed by his brother, "Why are we even here? You sure are weird."

"Heh, just... just want to see the sunset. It'll much be beautiful this time." Ran replied looking at the beautiful sky with a shade of a pale yellowish-orange at the end of it. The sun looks like a few centimeters away from the sea. maybe, it'll set for 20-ish minutes from now.

"You talked like an old man, Ran. Who cursed you?" Rindou looked at him which only replied with a smile. He had a bad feeling about this. The pit of his stomach began to twist as his brother takes a few steps into the saltwater.

Huh?

He looks.. lively

Lively than he used to be. His purple eyes reflected the sun infront of them, his feet kicking the water making a mess to his dress suit, laughter escape his lips as he began to hop around like a little kid.

"Rin, don't you just stand there. Come join me." Ran extended his hand, to hold Rindou's hand. He rolled his pants to make sure it wasn't touching the water and take Ran's hand.

Ran started to talk about their old childhood memories, from how he loved to annoy Rindou until the old times where they ruled Roppongi together. Rindou doesn't like this and he will never. Why is he talking about old memories all of the sudden? This must be wrong, something not right, something-

Suddenly he felt a hand resting on his shoulder, He looked up, seeing his brother was a bit tipsy. Rindou quickly guide him to the shore to set him down. His heart rate increases rapidly seeing his brother in a state like this,

"Ran a-are you alright?" Ran didn't answer he only look at his brother in the eyes. He began to undress his vest, revealing his white shirt with a bunch of red stains on them. "Ran tell me this... thi-this blood isn't yours. Right? Ran?"

"I'm sorry..."

Ran shifted his body closer to his brother before putting his head gently on his lap. They keep silent for a few seconds.

"How long?"

"Before I... before I called you."

Rindou was furious, furious to know that he agreed to this. He could've just helped his brother. But he-

"Why didn't you-

" "tell me?", I saw him. I hear him calling out my name." Ran quickly replied. Rindou doesn't know who is he talking about. Zero ideas about it.

"Ran it's just your intuition, don't ple-"

"He hugged me, I never know he looked at me as a friend. Now I know the reasons behind our little tattoo." He touches the tattoo that resting on his neck. Ran began to talk a lot of non-sense that Rindou could only try to understand.

"Ran you... you said we're going to rule the Roppongi together till old." His voice was low, barely heard, merging with the sound of the ocean wave crashing with each other.

"I'm sorry, Rin. I'm sorry," Ran coughed, Fuck He cursed knowing damn well talking in the state like this only make him feel ten times worse, "I'm sorry If you always felt left out, I'm sorry If you always felt like you're not enough and only stand behind my shadows..."

"Ran please, don't say that... You know I never mind. I love being with you." Rindou panicked while trying to help his brother stand, "H-here grab on to me and I-I'll drive fast enough to the hospital so you co-"

"Rindou... you are... funny," Ran laughs, "Even if... Fuck. Even if you did.. did manage to take me... there, there won't be any use." Ran looked down at the wounds that he cover using some fabric, started to form a red spot on them. Guess it's time then.

"The sunset is very beautiful today isn't it, Rindou?"

Rindou's eyes widened, not expected to say anything random out of the blue. He takes a deep breath before answering his brother's question,

"Yeah, Yeah It... is." Ran smiled at him. watching his brother looking at the sun who is going to set a few more minutes. His eyes trailed to his neck before stopping at the tattoo sitting nicely on his neck like his.

"RINNRINNNN!!!" Before Rindou could look back he felt a weight behind him making him hit the marble floor.

"RAN YOU KILLING ME!" Rindou shouted trying to wiggle free from his brother's hug, "RAN GET. OFF OF ME, YOU FAT THING!" He felt the weight on top of his body shift. He turned back to see his brother already standing with a shocked face. Ran kicked him in the crotch making him scream in pain like a little girl.

"RAN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!!" Rindou gave him a death glare as he tried to nudge to pain.

"The audacity of you saying I'm fat while you are the one that always eats like a goddamn pig," Ran rolled his eyes before shoving his phone to his brother, "Here look, Sanzu told me we're gonna get a matching tattoo for the gang."

Rindou slightly backs his head away, adjusting his glasses to see clearly. He shifted his head to look back at his brother and to the phone again a couple of times before pinching his nose. "Then what?"

"Thennn, we are going to have another matching tattoo!!"

"HECK NO." Rindou shouted. They've had 2 matching tattoos from their torso to the back and he wanted more? Rindou shakes his head, disapproving of his ideas. He quickly gets up not wanting to interact with his loud brother before he feels something heavy wrapping around his feet.

"IHHH, RINDOU PLEASEE IT'S JUST A SMALL TINY CUTE TATTOO!!!" Ran whines, dangling on Rindou's feet so he couldn't go anywhere, "COME ONN!!"

"JUST GO ASK YOUR FRIEND!!" Rindou was about to kick him before his brother quickly gets up and hug him. He was startled by Ran's sudden action not knowing what to do. Ran lets go of his hug as he takes his brother's hand, drawing circles on his palm.

"Please ?" Ran pouts, trying to act cute to get into his heart, only to be replied with a gross face plastered on Rindou's face. What the fuck.. He sighs, knowing for sure if he keeps standing on his words this conversation won't go anywhere.

"Just... this once right?" Ran nods.

"Small?" Ran nods again,

"Hahh, 'right."

"YEYYYYY!!!!" Ran jumped giving him a quick hug, rushing to text Sanzu.

"But," He stopped, "I get to choose the tattoo placement." Rindou said before leaving the room.

"Ay-ye, Captain!" Ran salutes him, which was only replied with an eye roll.

" 'Think don't have much time," Ran grabbed his brother's cheeks as he tries to lean forward to kiss his temple. "You are a strong man. Don't cry just because of me, okay?"

Rindou looked at his brother who tries to smile for him. He needs to help him. He needs to...

"Rann... Please let me-"

Ran shakes his head telling him to not continue the word. He takes a deep breath before trying to speak with a low voice,

"I will always be by your side, Rin..." Ran's hands start to tremble, his breath getting heavier each time he tries to endure the squeezing pain in his lungs, "Don't worry Rinrin."

His head feels dizzy and hot. He wanted to talk but the feeling of someone choking him and he couldn't do anything, silence him. Only heavy breathing could escape from his mouth. The more he endure the pain the harder he keeps his eyes open. So this is what death feels like?

The truth is, he never wanted to leave him, he wanted to live, live long enough to see at least his brother on the mandap with someone destined for him or just hearing him shouts when he ate his last pudding or anything, anything that could he have as his last memories. But guess the one's up there has another plan for him.

"Pro-promise okay?" The trembling voice leaves Rindou's lips as he brings his brother into a hug, "I love you Ran, I love you so so much, please remember that, Okay??"

No answer.

"Rann.."

No answer.

"Ran??" He waited, "Ran answer me please.. pl-please..." Rindou's lips quivered, tears starting to fall from the corner of his purple eyes. His breathing hitched at the sight of his lifeless brother in his arms. Rindou tries to shake his body a couple of times but not a single muscle moves from his brother's body. His body trembling in fear, not knowing what to do as the day began to fall.

Another soul was set free as the sun began to set down, changed by the moon that will shine bright accompanying the boy and the dead in the serene night.

RETURN — ©Reblogs are highly appreciated.

[coinofstone]

5x12 The Diamond of the Day pt 1

Final two episodes! Big finale! Why am I making myself cry in the middle of the afternoon! Both eps in this post.

I do love that they made Arthur a sore loser

Enter treacherous white woman #2. Srsly it was lazy writing when they did it for Mordred, it's worse now with Gwaine.

I do love the actual Round Table war room discussion but a) why isn't Merlin seated at the round table and b) why does Leon have so much goddamn faith in Camelot's walls? Like??? You literally said the same thing last year and yet Camelot *did* fall when Agravaine brought an army through the tunnels!

Poor Aithusa. Kid's had a rough life.

I do love Arthur responding to Merlin presenting him with all his supplies ready - which he prepared without his magic mind you - with suspicion 😂

But then he calls Merlin a coward and it's sad

Katie has such a great voice. That entire thing in the cave from her taunting to her laughter to the spell, it just just beautifully played.

Whole ass battle to prepare for and Arthur is just walking around moping cuz Merlin isn't there

So, Merlin's father-vision telling him he's magic itself and he just needs to believe in himself to get his magic going again, does this mean he *didn't* need to go to the cave to get it back? Cuz it seems like he needed to recharge in the cave itself, his injuries were healed when he woke up. That seems like magic cave stuff to me.

Also that "always have been and always will be" - I'm taking to mean 'always have been' in the sense that since he's 'magic itself' even before he was born, his magic existed in other, intangible forms, like we are all stardust etc. But now that he is, he will always be, aka he will not die.

Arthur waking up with his wife in his arms and Merlin's name on his lips, jumping out of bed to act on dream-info.

Balinor telling Merlin to trust in what will be.... like bitch that is literally not how this ends.

5x13 The Diamond of the day pt 2

You know that gif of the cat knocking everything off the table? That's literally Merlin shooting lightning at everyone from his perch on the ridge.

I have a lot of snarky things to say about Merlin coming out of the cave in full Dragoon gear and riding a horse instead of teleporting like the other witches but I'ma keep that to myself.

Mordred is a bitch and Aithusa has terrible aim. At least Aithusa's loyalty to Morgana makes sense.

Arthur said oh shit I'm magic - oh wait no it's that old man again

He also straight up "No! Bad dragon!"-ed Aithusa

Y'know, for all I've watched this episode and screamed about Arthur's death, I don't think I've ever focused on the exact moment he gets stabbed before.

Mordred catches him from behind and he meets it, no fault there. But as soon as he realizes his assailant is the knight who turned on him and joined Morgana, what does he do? HE LOWERS HIS FUCKING SWORD

He leaves himself wide fucking open and vulnerable and Mordred seizes the opportunity. I understand wanting the moment of recognition for Arthur, but on what planet is a trained warrior going to drop his sword mid-attack because he recognizes his attacker as a dude who only just recently decided to forsake him? It's soooooo dumb

There was a whole sequence a few episodes back where Mordred and Arthur are sparring, the point of it was to show that Mordred has become a skilled swordsman. So what exactly was the point in having Mordred run Arthur through as soon as Arthur idiotically lets his guard down? This should've been a meticulously choreographed sword fight, with Mordred getting the upper hand and sticking Arthur properly. Not this nonsense. Look at Arthur's FACE! Oh, Mordred... 👉👈 do you maybe wanna be friends again- STAB ... guess not

Uther's been rolling in his grave but he's taking an extra tumble watching Arthur forget all his skills and training in that moment.

I do appreciate Arthur getting Mordred back though. Like that moment of merciless anger followed by the hurt and regret playing on Arthur's face, warring with surety and responsibility. It was good.

I've rewatched the big confession scene about 16 times just now.

I don't quite understand why Merlin took Arthur to the woods to begin with. Instead of bringing him to the med tent in the battlefield or back to Camelot. What was the reason?

Merlin saying it feels strange (to use magic freely in front of Arthur) and him just going 'yeah' completely deadpan makes me laugh every time.

I really feel like Arthur's head should be elevated at a further incline if he's going to be fed.

Gaius refusing to outright expose Merlin as the sorcerer but nonetheless letting Gwen figure it out on her own warms my heart.

My God Arthur is sitting there dying, feeling betrayed about his best friend 'lying' to him, and still he can't stop himself from looking at Merlin's mouth.

Percival summoned MUSCLE POWER

Hey um random but why does Gwaine even know where Merlin and Arthur are headed? Why would Gaius tell him?

Arthur looks at Merlin so lovingly after he's killed Morgana 😭😭

And now he's literally grabbing at the man's hand 😭 "just hold me, please"

That's gotta be the gayest death scene in television history. If you can watch that without thinking Arthur puts his hand on the back of Merlin's head because some part of him wants to bring him down for a kiss, or that "just hold me, please" is in any way shape or form a 'bros' thing, and certainly not at all an intentional mirror/callback to Isolde dying in Tristan's arms, then I'm afraid you are what we professionals refer to as a dumb-as-nails fucknugget, more commonly phrased as 'willfully ignorant'.

"All that you have dreamt of building has come to pass" yeah except for the whole, y'know, magic still being illegal thing.

I've said this before, but, while I'm sure there was a determined intention to have Arthur die in his armor, probably in some kind of attempt to make sure the audience knows he's died a warrior's death, I *really* think it was kinda stupid that Merlin never removed it, despite Arthur being weak, despite the fact that there was something like five days between him getting stabbed and him actually dying, despite that for the duration of that time they were traveling or hiding out. Merlin managed to produce a cloak to put on Arthur, why did he need the full armor on that whole time? Like even if they left the chainmail on, those plates on his shoulder were just getting in the way, and it looked quite uncomfortable.

Also not for nothing but Lancelot got like, every flower in the forest surrounding lush verdant greens in his death boat, Arthur gets a bunch of sticks.

It suddenly occurs to me, watching this now, that the reason Leon/Percival is such a common side pairing in Merthur fics, is because these two motherfuckers are the only original Knights of the Round Table to survive the series. 🤦‍♀️ I dunno how I failed to notice that before now. My stupidity amazes me.

I'm *really* glad they decided to do this scene with Gwen wearing the Pendragon red dress instead of the black mourning dress. Yes she looks fabulous in it but it's more the symbolism than the 'reality' - with Gwen wearing her house's colors it represents a continuation rather than a finality. Camelot will go on, Gwen will undoubtedly end the war on magic and with Morgana dead (and frankly, I think by now she already brought about the death of all the angry incel type rulers in Albion) there stands to reason her reign will begin with a period of peace, possibly longer than Arthur's. We kind of have to assume that the 'time the poets speak of' is, inevitably, Gwen's reign - which only came about through Arthur's death. It's a little bit toooo subtle in my opinion, but at the same time, I understand the need for the focus on Merlin and Arthur - after all, this show was their journey - not leaving much time to focus on Gwen and Camelot in the aftermath of Arthur's death.

I will just say, the first time I watched this that fucking truck scared the ever living shit out of me. I also just immediately, viscerally hated that scene and declared it invalid - but I think it was because the truck made me jump out of my skin. It has since grown on me, particularly once I started reading 'Arthur Returns' fic.

Everything beyond this point is post-series spec and headcanon, so if that's not your jam you can exit safe in the knowledge that as usual, if there's anything worth commenting on in the S5 extras, I will create a separate post!

For those interested, my go-to post-series fic is We Begin Again by katherynefromphilly I fully headcanon this series as the continuation of the series.

I have a lot of thoughts about Gwen and Merlin post-Camlann.

For one, poor fucking Gwen. She's lost her father, her brother, and her husband, all by what, age 30? That's rough. And who knows what happened to her mom, that was pre-series and I don't think it was ever mentioned.

Merlin, dear god poor Merlin. First of all, I just wanna say straight off that my instinctive headcanon about Merlin was that he never returned to Camelot. I couldn't really say why exactly. I just don't think he could stand being there after Arthur's death. But practically speaking, Merlin's still got Aithusa to deal with, that dragon needs some godsdamned house training asap. He's still the last Dragonlord, it's reasonable to assume he'd immediately take that on considering Aithusa is partially responsible for Arthur's death (the sword Mordred killed Arthur with, only succeeded in killing Arthur because it had been forged in Aithusa's fire-breath) so he's either going to attempt to train the bad behaviors out of Aithusa, or...well...

The only thing is, I do not believe Merlin would abandon Gwen, or Gaius. So my hc is inherently flawed. I do think Merlin probably spend a couple months with his mum, and I do think he ultimately settled near lake Avalon waiting for Arthur's return.

But I do wonder, what must their relationship have been like? Gwen, surely, would've sought his guidance in establishing laws governing the use of magic. And surely, peace cannot last indefinitely, so Merlin absolutely would've defended Camelot and protected Gwen. There's just no way he could've completely turned his back on them, but I doubt he could bear living in Camelot. And Gwen is both strong and practical enough to get on without him there 24/7, even though I'm sure she'd miss him.

I also think she would've found love again. Whether with Leon, as many people hc, or someone else not in the series.

ANYWAY.

Thanks to everyone who came on this journey with me. I will post comments on the extras if I have anything worth saying - and I think I'll do a master post linking all these episode posts after I clean them up once I get time to sit at a computer and do so. Until then! 💙💚

(Gif source) (h/t @shut-up-merlin)

[sockatine]

The Scent of Lavender

((My first self insert fanfic to be posted here! I'll be using the name Califia "Cali" Morales for myself. Paired up with Daryl Dixon from The Walking Dead. Takes place in season 2.))

Light. Sunlight? Yes, that's sunlight. The room is white. Why is it white?

Voices are talking to her. Who are these voices? Obviously they must be her family; mom and dad, to be precise. Sitting up and rubbing her eyes, yawning and stretching, still not completely awake or aware. Even as her eyes fully opened, she had to rub them again. These people's voices still washing over her like white noise, or nighttime ambiance.

Nothing was registering quite yet, until an old man sat at her bedside and asked, in a comforting and gentle tone. "Can you tell us your name?"

That's when it all hit her. With watering eyes, she asked: "Where am I?"

...

When they found this girl passed out in the woods, it was nothing short of strange. She'd fallen out of a tree at Rick's feet, startling him. He checked her pulse, shook her in attempt to wake her up, but nothing. She was still perfectly alive, minus perhaps starving and bruised. And he carried her back to the RV, deciding it was the right thing to do. After all, Rick himself had been in a coma and woken up to an apocalypse. This was a personal sense of sympathy in him.

Needless to say, after much argument, she was allowed to stay. They put her in the bed of the RV and hoped that at some point, she'd come to. Enter their arrival at Hershel's, having one kid shot and the other still missing, along with the mysterious coma-girl. This was enough to get Hershel to allow them all to stay until everything with the group was a-okay.

Now, that she had finally woken up, she'd have to be comforted a bit before getting any answers. It's not like anyone would take it very well when they find they've been in a coma in a tree for god knows how long. "I'm gonna ask you again, and I want you to take a deep breath or two before you answer; What is your name?"

She did take a few deep breaths, as needed. "Califia..."

"Califia?"

"Yes... Califia Morales."

"Alright, Miss. Now, I'm gonna call in the people that found you, so you can give them the answers they want. Is that okay with you?"

"... yes."

Really, it wasn't. None of this was okay, but she knew she needed to give answers to the people who potentially saved her life. The memories were flooding back to her once Hershel called in Rick and some others to meet her. Rick was of course, the one to ask questions and recieve answers.

"Do you remember what happened before you got yourself up in that tree?"

"... There was a crash. A bus crash. A-and I... I don't remember what happened after. I-I know my family wasn't with me, they... don't live in Georgia..."

"Alright. What else do you remember?"

"I... was by myself. Out by myself... dead people were walking a-and hunting me..."

"Uh-huh..."

"I killed some. I tried calling my parents a-and... and-and-"

A deep inhale, and a pause.

"... I kept walking. I lived off what was in my bag, and gathering wild plants. More dead people came and, I went up the tree... but I don't know why I was asleep... I don't..."

"Hey, hey. Don't worry about that. We'll... we'll get you settled. Once we leave, you'll be coming with us."

"I... thanks. Can I go outside now?"

"Yeah, yeah sure."

...

She was sitting by herself, gathering some lavender after a nice, long cry. It was a lot to take in, really. That she had no idea how her family in California was doing. And it would be easier for her to cope with having been all alone, than to realize she'd been completely useless to a group of people who were kind enough to save her. How long had she been dead weight? Was it ungrateful to believe she should've died.

"What's that 'cha got?"

She almost flinched, turning to see some guy looming over her. Must've been one of the group. "... Lavender."

"You always go 'round pickin flowers?"

"It's for tea... I'm sorry, have we met, or...?"

"I'm Daryl."

"Califia. But call me Cali. It's, uh... nice to meet you."

She stood up, holding her hand out for a handshake. Better than just awkwardly talking, crouching over a bush. Daryl shook it, to at least adding something to keep the conversation from getting too awkward. "So, we found you in a tree..."

"Uh, yeah. I... eheh. I guess I figured it was a good way to avoid walkers. They can't seem to climb for shit, really. So, uhm... is there l-like a job or something I should be getting to, or-"

"Hell if I know."

"O-oh. Well, if you need anything... like, anything at all, I'm right here..."

"Right..."

Daryl left ger to her business.

"Oh, uh... it was nice meeting you!" She added. He didn't respond.

Daryl hadn't much of an opinion on her. She seemed nice enough, but frankly he hadn't any idea how good or bad of an addition she'd be. And frankly, nothing she did or said was anything remarkable, noteworthy, or eyecatching. Cali, as she insisted on being called, was short, pudgy, baby faced, and from every other angle Daryl could see, she looked like walker bait. At least she was smart enough to get in a tall place to avoid them, but perhaps she might not be much for fighting back or wilderness survival.

Nonetheless, he'd be willing to see if she could prove herself. It's not like she's useless.

A few days went by, and Daryl noticed a pattern. When given chores by the other members of the group, Cali would attend to them quietly without ever wanting help. Her voice was always soft and meek when she asked for anything, which was rare in itself. Without fail, around dusk, Cali was always sitting at the lavender bush. Either to pick more, or to sit with a notebook. A diary? And she was drinking that tea she said the lavender was for at night, but also in certain times in the afternoon.

Lavender tea was for sleep, and calming nerves. Daryl knew this because of his mom's old remedies she'd use, when he was just a kid.

So far, he'd deducted that Cali was dead meat if she were to go out on her own. She could make it for a certain amount of time, but her nerves would get the best of her and make her clumsy. Ergo, she's walker bait.

...

It was getting lonely, for Cali. She fancied being alone, but not being lonely. But she was tragically insecure; unwilling to talk about her interests with the other ladies, unable to even approach any of the men. The closest she could get was watching Carl when Lori wasn't, and neither one of them actually talked much to her. So logically, Cali wanted some validation out of being useful.

To be frank, the only person Cali really considered approaching and making friends with was Daryl. He also seemed to be partial to being alone, after all. But it's not like he would ever want to activately be friends with her anyway, right? Cali wrote and drew, she was into books and fantasy and mythology. She was a nerd. A total geek. And what was Daryl? Manly as hell, outdoorsy, and a goddamn hunter.

That didn't change the fact though, that when Daryl finally came back with Sophia's doll, Cali was most certainly concerned. She could see him from her lavender bush, he looked absolutely terrible. And it didn't help that Andrea shot him, to which Cali promptly responded with a "What the fuck!?" of disbelief.

As everyone rushed over to help, Cali wasn't really needed. She asked, but Rick told her that all too familiar phrase: "We got this, thanks." But no, she didn't want to be excluded. She wanted to at least do something. To overtly express that she wanted to help and be part of the group; but so far it had all gone from her being too afraid to talk to anyone, to everyone excluding her by assuming she didn't care for anyone.

So Cali decided to do something about it. At least one thing. One nice thing for someone.

So she visited Daryl, inside Hershel's house. With a small gift. Some lavender, with a paper wrapped around it. While he was asleep, she slipped it onto the nightstand.

...

"Hey, Cali!"

She was at the lavender bush again, with her notebook, whipping around to see Daryl holding her gift. "Y-yeah?"

"... you wrote this? Daryl unfolded the paper. It was a poem:

You carry us far Through all your scars Of old and new, Through sun and stars

Take your rest Feel happiness For it's worthwhile to us all

"... Is it bad?"

Daryl sighed in disbelief, taking a seat next to her. "Nah, that ain't it..."

"I didn't mean to bother you, I just wanted to get you a get well-"

"Why though?" "Huh?"

"You're always sitting out here. You got you're notebook, your head in the clouds. Ya don't talk to nobody-"

"I'm sorry."

"-and you apologize for it. What the hell do you do out here?"

She paused, stuck between just dying on the spot or coughing up the notebook. "I... draw. And I write." She handed the notebook to him, so he could go through it himself.

In it were various practice sketches, poems, characters, and unfinished stories. It was a chaotic mess of creation, full of concepts and ideas that may never be fully fleshed out. "It's just weird nerdy stuff... I-I really like mythology, and uh... comics..."

"... This is what you were hiding all this time?" "Yeah..."

Daryl closed the notebook, handing it back to Cali.

"... What use you think any of that has, anyway?"

"I... wait, what do you mean?"

"I mean now that dead people are walking around eating people. How's any of that gonna help?"

Cali paused, thinking for a moment. Not necessarily on what to answer, but rather how to word the answer out. Such a question wasn't one that confused her very much.

"... Well, we got survival down. If we're hungry, we can pick plants and kill animals. If we're tired, we can make a shelter that's safe. But... what's the point of it all?"

"... That doesn't answer my question."

She gave him a look. For once, it was a more assertive look; like what she was about to say was something painfully obvious. Like he should have known, by now. "Animals survive. Humans live. And what's the point of surviving if you can't live?" She tapped her notebook. "This here is... how I live."

Cali opened up the notebook, flipping to a page in which she was drawing a kraken. "So that's why I'm always here with my notebook. It's quiet so I can focus, and it smells nice with the lavender here. So there."

The conversation ended there, and she expected Daryl to once again take his leave. But, he didn't. He was still sitting there, watching her doodle away. Her drawing wasn't particularly amazing, but... it was okay. He could tell she wasn't actually paying him much mind. Just, focused on her work. But Cali knew he was there, watching. She just had yet to realize she was fine with it.

And they just kind of stayed like that for a while. Sitting in silence at the lavender bush.

((Special thanks to @kiksselfships for encouraging me most to embrace my self insertion, and @skollwriting for giving me the match up that inspired this new ship))