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malecsecretsanta · 5 years

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Merry Christmas, @royaltybane!

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The Epic Trials of Alexander

Magnus turned his face up to the weak December sun. It wasn’t enough warmth to totally banish the chill of the New York day, but even a little bit of light brightened his already joyous mood. Closing his eyes, Magnus breathed in the cold crisp air.

“Here,” a very familiar voice said. Magnus opened his eyes and looked down at the large New York pretzel. He took the treat automatically and grinned at his father.

“Thanks dad,” Magnus took a bite of his favorite treat and scooted over on the bench, watching curiously, as the Lord of Underworld took a seat next to him. “What brings you topside, father?”

Asmodeus smiled at his only child. “Well you know your mother couldn’t leave Hades right now and she demanded that I come immediately and find out why our son was so joyous that his light reached even the darkest corners of our kingdom.”

Magnus laughed, knowing his mother very well. His smile grew even larger and he turned to share his bliss with his father. Unbeknownst to either of them, they had an observer, or perhaps eaves dropper would be more accurate. The Angel Raziel, who had been alerted immediately once his older brother left the Underworld, hid behind a nearby building, shamelessly listening. Magnus continued unaware of his audience. He laughed as his father, impatiently asked, “What’s his name?”

Magnus sighed, dreamily, “Alexander, father, and he is more glorious than the Angels themselves!”

Both father and Angel wore different expressions, Asmodeus watched his gushing son with fond eyes, while hidden nearby, Raziel’s eyes narrowed and he wore a scowl. ��Humph, more glorious than Angel’s!” Raziel turned away from the touching scene, ‘I must see this Alexander for myself,’ he thought, shooting his brother and nephew one last glare, Raziel vanished.

Asmodeus looked away briefly from his son’s glowing face, something had caught his eye. He had felt a presence, someone watching, and seeing the brief flash before it vanished confirmed his suspicions. ‘Ha,’ he thought, Asmodeus would deal with his nosey brother later. For now, his attention returned to Magnus. He listened as Magnus went on and on about this Alexander, before pausing and looking at his father almost shyly.

“Alexander has asked me to marry him, Father.” Magnus in a rare show of bashfulness blushed.

Asmodeus put his brother out of his head and reached over to grasp Magnus’ hands. “That’s wonderful!” his face bearing a huge smile. “When?”

“He wants a Yule wedding but first,” Magnus paused and shot his dad a smirk. “He wants me to bring him to you so that he may formally ask for my hand.”

Asmodeus was shocked; a Nephilim willingly asking to be brought to Hades was unheard of! Those of Angel blood considered themselves to above those that dwelled below, forgetting that Asmodeus himself was Angel blooded. “Well then, I shall make sure that Charon and Cerberus behave themselves.” Asmodeus laughed.

Magnus rolled his eyes, “Please do, I want nothing to scare Alexander away!”

“Where is your intended, anyway?” Asmodeus couldn’t wait to meet this special man who had captured his son’s heart so completely.

“He went to tell his parents and officials about the wedding.” Magnus looked down with a small frown.

Seeing this, Asmodeus gave his son’s fingers a gentle squeeze. “You are concerned about this, why?”

Magnus visibly shook himself before smiling once more at his father. “It’s nothing; his family has been most welcoming. I am just being paranoid I guess.” Taking a deep breath, Magnus’ face became serious. “Father, I love him so much. I want everything to be perfect!”

Taking Magnus into his arms, Asmodeus hugged his son tightly. “It will be Magnus, this I swear as ruler of the Underworld. Nothing will get in the way of your happiness with Alexander.” Asmodeus silently also vowed to see just what his troublesome Angelic brother was up to.

Raziel stepped into the halls of Alicante. The small group around a tall Nephilim fell silent, their smiling faces turning serious as they greeted him. He accepted their bows and greetings then turned his attention to this Alexander. “I would like to speak to the boy alone.” He ordered. Everyone filed out, a dark-haired woman going last, after shooting the tall Nephilim a concerned glance. Raziel observed the young man standing before him. He could find no fault in the carriage of the man, indeed Alexander stood straight and tall, hands clasped behind his back and head lifted proudly. His hazel eyes were fixed firmly in the distance. The Nephilim was strong, and Raziel could tell he trained hard; he was a fierce warrior for the Angels. Raziel decided he didn’t like him, nope not at all.

Raziel walked a circle around Alec. “So, I hear you wish to wed the heir of the Underworld?”

“Yes, my Lord, Magnus and I wish to wed this Yuletide.” Alec stated, voice firm but blank.

Raziel came to stand directly in front of Alec. “One of my Nephilim has never bonded with one from the Underworld. Traditionally the two worlds have not intertwined.”

For the first time since the Angel appeared in the halls, Alec looked Raziel in the eye. “Traditions change, especially those based on ignorance.”

“Very well, Nephilim,” Raziel’s smile turned cruel. “I shall bless this union, but only after you successfully complete a mission for me.”

If possible, Alec’s spine became even straighter. “To win the hand of Magnus in marriage I will conquer any challenge.” Alec proudly boasted heart full of conviction.

‘Foolish boy,’ Raziel thought, so be it. “Bring me the Mortal Instruments and you may wed your heart’s desire and I will even bless the union with immortality.”

“Good going Alec, you just had to open your big mouth!” Alec berated himself. ‘The Mortal Instruments!” he mumbled. “No one has seen them for centuries!” Sighing heavily, Alec slumped, seated on a bench in the Institute’s gardens. He ignored the snowfall and the cold, too caught up in the misery of his mission. Head hanging low, he was unaware of his visitor, that was until the ear-piercing screech of an owl jerked his head up. Perched on a lone branch of one of the few trees in the Institute’s courtyards was a large black owl, its eyes trained firmly on Alec. Before Alec could unglamour his bow, the owl transformed.

Having seen paintings of Magnus’ father, Alec immediately jumped to his feet and bowed deeply. “My Lord,” he whispered.

Asmodeus waved away the greeting and took a seat on the bench. “Why so glum, Alexander? I can call you Alexander, yes?”

Sitting back down numbly, Alec replied before thinking. “Alec, my Lord. I go by Alec.” Flushing he snuck a glance at the Lord of the Underworld. Remembering something very important, Alec jumped back to his feet, straightening his spine and clasping his sweaty nervous hands behind his back, Alec stammered out his request. “M-my Lord, I uhm love, no adore, n-no worship your son, Magnus!”

Asmodeus smirked in amusement. “Yes, yes, I am aware my son is Magnus,” he teased.

Flushing even harder, Alec plunged ahead. “N-no, I mean I know you know Magnus is your son,” biting his lips, Alec struggled to get his scrambled thoughts in some kind of intelligent order before his future father-in-law thought him nothing but a blundering idiot. “What I meant to say was that I love Magnus so very much and with your permission Sir, would like to marry him, uhm, Magnus, marry Magnus I mean.”

Asmodeus slapped his knee and grinned happily up at the tall Nephilim, he decided right then he really liked this boy! “I think that’s a splendid idea! But why did you look so glum upon my arrival?”

Alec’s shoulders sagged in relief. “I can, you mean it’s okay? We have your blessing?” At Asmodeus nod, Alec sank back onto the bench. Hanging his head, thoughts returning to where they had been prior to Magnus’ father’s arrival, Alec felt dejection once more gripe his heart. Wringing his hands, Alec thought frantically of any possible solution, finally he turned desolate eyes to Asmodeus. “Sir, Magnus has his heart set on a Yuletide wedding but the Angel Raziel gave me an epic quest I must fulfill before he will grant us his blessing.”

So that was what his pesky brother was up to! Asmodeus’ grin grew sly and he couldn’t help but look forward to messing with his brother’s plans. Dusting his hands off, he rose and grinned down at the young Nephilim. “Well, what are you waiting for, lets get started!”

“B-but you don’t even know what the trial is! And he didn’t say I could have help!” Alec was shocked and a little scared, was Magnus’ father really going to help him?

Taking a hold of Alec’s arm, Asmodeus pulled the stunned young man to his feet. “He didn’t say you couldn’t either, did he?” With a swirl of his fingers they vanished!

Alec had no idea where they were. In front of them was a palace! It looked vaguely familiar, like something he had maybe seen in some mundane history book. Asmodeus also gazed at the building before turning to Alec with a knowing look upon his face. “Let me see if I can guess this epic quest of yours. My younger brother ordered you to find the Mortal Instruments and return them to him, Correct?”

Alec just nodded. “How’d you know?”

Shaking his head, Asmodeus started dragging Alec towards the palace. “It’s what he always asked. The Angel knows he is not that original and he was always possessive of his toys when younger, doesn’t know how to share at all. Father always scolded him for it, but even Angels cannot learn new tricks.”

Dragged through the stately front doors, up a grand staircase, Alec was more than surprised that no one stopped them, but Asmodeus never paused. Throwing open the doors to the ballroom, Asmodeus slammed them shut behind them. Alec had expected an opulent but empty room, but what he saw had his jaw dropping open. The entire room, floor to ceiling was filled with ornate cups, millions of them! Alec almost cried. “How I am to find the mortal cup in all this!”

Asmodeus scratched his chin. They had definitely added to the collection over the centuries, he didn’t remember there being this many! “Well tell me what you know about this mortal cup.”

Alec recited from memory. “It’s gilded; glassine chalice carved from adamas and dipped in gold. It can create Shadowhunters if the mortal survives and can control demons.”

Pacing around, Asmodeus thought heavily before spinning around to face Alec and snapping his fingers. “I have an idea! A brilliant idea if I do say so myself.” Frowning a bit, he looked back over the mountains of cups. “It may still take us deep into the night to accomplish, but there is no other way.” Looking at the Nephilim seriously, Asmodeus warned, “Don’t freak out on me now,” clapping his hands three times, Asmodeus summoned them.

Alec would swear to his dying day that he did not in fact squeal and duck behind his future father-in-law. Peeking from behind Asmodeus, Alec’s face whitened at the group of Ravener demons who gathered at Asmodeus’ feet. The little slimy boogers were chirping away at the Lord of Hades, who watched them almost as a fond parent. Chuckling at their antics, Asmodeus pulled Alec forward. “They won’t hurt you, they are here to help. They are the finest of hunters, watch.” Looking down at them, he gave his orders. “Find a chalice dipped in gold and made of the finest glass, bring it to us.” And Alec be dammed if they didn’t immediately start diving into mounds of cups and throwing rejects over their little tails!

Some time later, Alec had already given up standing and sat on the floor, the little demons scurried back to their master. Lined up in front of Asmodeus were a smaller number of cups, but it still numbered in the thousands. “Great job!” Asmodeus praised.

Alec threw up his hands. “Great job! There is still so many! Now what?”

Frowning over at him, Asmodeus scolded. “Now what kind of attitude is that, they have narrowed down the field, now it’s your turn!”

“My turn, how am I to pick among all these cups? Yule is less than a fortnight away! Magnus is counting on me!” Alec felt like crying, and despite his position, despite his age, he pouted.

“You youngsters today give up so easily. Now you said that the cup can be used to control demons. Well I gave you demons and cups, so get to it!” Asmodeus waved his hand and a throne appeared, seating himself he waved Alec forward. “Pick a cup and order the little ones to do something, but please make it interesting.”

Narrowing his eyes at Magnus’ sire, Alec thought for a moment, before turning back to the waiting demons with a smirk. Picking up the first cup, he ordered, “Demons! I command you to dance!”

The Ravener’s did not move a muscle. Hours later, the pile of discarded cups grew larger than the one remaining. Alec’s voice had grown hoarse with ordering the little demons around, glancing over at Asmodeus; Alec’s mouth fell open in disbelief. “Are you eating popcorn?” he demanded.

Asmodeus nodded happily, “best invention mundane ever made.”

Alec could only shake his head; he did have a momentary worry that this was the family he was marrying into. The sun finally rose on a new day and at long last only one cup reminded. With nervous hands, Alec picked it up. The sunlight hit the glass and brilliant rainbows erupted around the room. With bated breath, he issued his last command. “Dance, and oh make it a good one.” Asmodeus could only watch in disbelief as the Ravener’s began to dance around the room, he was pretty sure they were doing the hustle.

With a whoop of victory, Alec shot to his feet and he joined the little demons hustling his way around the room. Asmodeus covered his eyes in horror and made a solemn sacred vow to never, ever, tell his son the sheer disaster of a dancer he was marrying. Before the boy could seriously hurt himself, Asmodeus banished the demons and the throne back home. Alec’s face bore a huge smile as he came to stand before Asmodeus. “Where to now?”

This time the scene was more desolate and scarier. They stood upon a great cliff and Asmodeus pointed to a cave deep within the stone. “This one you must conquer alone I am afraid.”

Alec gulped nervously, eyeing the dark cave. “What’s in there?” he whispered.

“A truly terrible creature, but if you want the sword you must enter and take it.” Asmodeus put both his hands on Alec’s shoulders and turned him to face him. Adopting a serious expression, he asked Alec a critical question. “Now don’t take this the wrong way I am an understanding and supportive parent, but do you swing both ways like my son or are you purely a dick man?”

You’d think Asmodeus had just told Alec he and Magnus were siblings or something, with how horrified the boy looked. Asmodeus rolled his eyes and shook the Nephilim a little. “Seriously boy, this is important!” Wiggling his eyes brows, Asmodeus asked again, “So do I need to repeat myself?”

Tearing himself away from Asmodeus, Alec shook his head, face furiously red, he stammered out, “Gay! I’m completely 1000% gay!”

“Excellent!” Shoving Alec forward, Asmodeus almost pushed him all the way into the cave. “Then you should be fine, go get them!”

Alec ran the rest of the way to the cave, not so much eager for adventure as eager to get away from his future father-in-law! Alec pulled out his witch light as he moved deeper and deeper underground. The twist and turns of the tunnels finally opened up into a large caravan. Some light from the opening high above him provided Alec with enough light to see his goal. Standing taller than Alec himself was a stone statue of the Angel Raziel himself and in the stone hands was the mortal sword! Alec moved disarmingly towards his prize, stopping before the statue he reached careful hands towards the jeweled hilt of the sword. Before he could claim his prize, Alec heard a strange noise behind him. The sound was almost a slithering sound, like skin moving across stone. Next came the strange hissing noise. It became louder and louder until it sounded right behind Alec.

With dread churning in his stomach, Alec turned. Before him stood a horror like none he had ever encountered. The creature towered over him, it had the lower body of a snake, the torso of a woman, and its head! The face was of a heavily made up woman, but where there should have been hair was nothing but a wiggling mess of snakes. Their mouths were open, forked tongues flicking at Alec as they hissed and danced around the creature’s head. Alec fell to his ass in shock. It was a Gorgon! The creature bent, face peering at Alec with a sick twisted grin, but as Alec stared at it, the grin faded to be replaced by puzzlement.

“How is it that you can look upon my face man?” The Gorgon demanded. “All men who gaze upon my beauty are forever more turned into stone!” The creature hissed, the snakes reaching out with their mouths trying to bite Alec.

Alec scouted back before rising to his feet. Shrugging his shoulders, he tried to appear harmless. “Not sure what to tell you, um, ma’am, Gorgon, snake lady.”

The creature hissed and moved towards Alec again. “Tell me what sorcery you possess to withstand my image!” It demanded, hands reaching for him as Alec frantically moved further away.

Mind racing, Alec thought quickly. “How about a bargain then, I’ll tell you my magic if you agree to hand over the mortal sword?” The creature thought about this before giving Alec a calculating look and agreeing. “Well the simple fact is that Women just don’t do it for me, what can I say. I like men.”

Alec would like to say that the Gorgon was educated, enlightened, showed progress in some progressive thinking, but at the end of the thing’s epic rant, Alec simply beheaded the Gorgon and emerged victorious, sword in hand.

Asmodeus met him topside with a ‘bravo’ before grabbing his arm and issuing a warning. “Now our next stop might be a bit of a shock. My advice is to hold your breath and what ever you do, don’t swallow any of the water.”

With that, Alec found himself sinking fast to the bottom of Lake Lyn, cup in one hand, sword in the other. Cursing Asmodeus’ lineage, Alec frantically kicked for the surface, only to see once he broke into fresh air, Asmodeus standing upon the shore bent over at the waist laughing his ass off. Calling his future father-in-law every name in the book, Alec worked his way to the shore. Coming to stand before the still laughing deity, Alec shook himself like a wet dog, water flying over the Asmodeus. Before he could berate Magnus’ father, a blinding light followed by a sonic boom shot up into the sky.

Raziel, looking his most majestic, appeared astride a white steed over Lake Lyn. Asmodeus finally stopped laughing and faced his younger sibling. Raziel sneered at them. “The bargain is forfeit, he cheated.” Raziel said.

“Nonsense,” Asmodeus argued. “You said nothing about Alexander having help on this epic quest of yours. He fulfilled your demands and brought you the mortal instruments.”

“What about the mortal mirror?” Alec whispered.

“Lake Lyn is the mirror,” was Asmodeus’ whispered response.

Raziel would have looked more imposing had he been upon solid ground, but as it was the kicking of his feet only had him appearing as if he had to pee. “No, the deal is off, he did not complete the quest himself, you did it for him!”

“RAZIEL, you brat! Come down off your high horse immediately!” Asmodeus voice shook the skies and he stood before them now clothed in robes of midnight. In each hand he held scepters made from the bones of man. “If you do not give them your blessing I will glue your ass to your golden throne. Not only that, but I will tell father and our siblings of your actions this day!”

“Fine,” the Archangel spat. With a wave of his hands the sword and cup flew towards him and he grasped them firmly. “But do not expect any wedding gifts from me.” With that, Raziel vanished.

Alec turned to look at Asmodeus. “That’s it, its over?”

Asmodeus slapped Alec across the back, the force moving Alec forward a few feet. “Yes, that’s it, Congrats and welcome to the family! Now all you have to do is survive the bachelor party!” They decided it best to keep their adventures between themselves and not share with their better halves. When asked where they disappeared together, Asmodeus would only boast to getting his son-in-law drunk and something about some really bad dancing.

So on that Yuletide evening, Alec and Magnus stepped out under a canopy of snow-covered trees and exchanged their most sacred vows. It wasn’t some grandiose setting, they instead chose to pledge themselves under the Yuletide night sky with the stars bearing witness. The guest stood silent, in awe of their surroundings, even the forest animals that came to investigate, stayed to see the event. There was not a dry eye in the group as the pair so obviously in love vowed to stand together forever more. There was also not a prouder set of parents who walked their sons forward to meet their chosen destines. When Magnus and Alec sealed their promises with a kiss, the stars above twinkled in joy and approval.

While the future tales of Alexander’s epic trials had everyone shaking their heads in confusion, no epic lessons were learned, none could argue that the wedding of a Nephilim and the heir to the throne of Hades was the most moving event in history. The grooms only had eyes for each other, not caring that the guest lists was the most eclectic ever gathered. Angels, stood beside those of demon blood, creatures only heard of in tales mingled with those of heavenly influence, and the in-laws got along famously!

It was the later that sent Magnus and Alec fleeing, seeking their nuptial bed must earlier than was polite. However, when their parents started planning family vacations, sharing baby pictures, and embarrassing tales, they could take no more. The final straw came when a drunken Asmodeus started handing out coins to give to Charon to cross the River Styx, he wanted visitors he loudly proclaimed. Magnus and Alec fled. All in all, it was a beautiful Yuletide wedding, and of course Magnus and Alexander lived happily ever after.

Oh and by the way, Raziel did end up sending a wedding gift after all. He bestowed immortality to Alexander so that he could live really happily ever after with Magnus!

The End

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