#cause like yes Apple is being selfish but she also cares about everyone so much even her ‘villain’ Raven

[jmgangel]

Apple really said, “I want you to sign [the book] so that nothing bad happens to the people that I love, including you” to Raven and I’m supposed to just get over that??? Mattel was cooking how can I move on?

[cometblaster2070]

alright here we go, we're going to talk about raven for a bit, because there are some people saying strange, strange things about HER of all people.

(slight disclaimer: this is not an apple white hate post; she is also the loml and both her and raven are wonderful, nuanced characters)

i've seen a couple of people (before you ask, yes, it is those apple white defenders) talk about how utterly selfish raven was being. how she was completely uncooperative and unwilling towards apple, how rude she was, what a terrible friend and a terrible person she was in general she was to everyone (but especially apple gasp), and most of all, raven is completely and utterly selfish for refusing to see apple's viewpoint and for refusing to at least hear apple out.

LIKE IM SORRY?? DID WE WATCH THE SAME SHOW?? DID WE SEE THE SAME CHARACTERS??

AH YES, MY MISTAKE, RAVEN WAS COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY SELFISH FOR NOT WANTING TO FOLLOW IN HER VILLANOUS MOTHER'S FOOTSTEPS AND HARM THE PEOPLE SHE LOVES AND CARES ABOUT.

she's also definitely wrong and completely selfish to even consider wanting to have a happy, peaceful life for herself, instead of poisoning her best friend and ending up hated, alone and chained up like a monster.

my bad guys; i misunderstood the show, clearly it was raven who was the selfish one for not acquiescing to apple's request of poisoning her and ending up miserable for the rest of her life.

jokes aside, like, i don't even know how to explain how wrong this is. not only is it completely outlandish to make the argument that raven is wrong and selfish for wanting to NOT end up in magic jail, but it's so strange to demonize her in this particular way??

LIKE WOW WONDER WHY SHE WOULDN'T WANT THIS DESTINY.

raven's defining character trait throughout the show and the books and any other form of media she's associated with is her kindness, her gentleness, her willingness to do the right thing and how she sincerely just wants to help people, and completely loathes the fact that people see her as nothing more than evil and they see her as someone dangerous.

raven is shown to be someone who would literally rather die on the spot than hurt someone or willingly cause them pain, she has also continuously shown guilt over her mother's previous actions (particularly Wonderland); and another thing we're shown time and time again, is that although she disagrees with apple, she loves her so, so much and would do ANYTHING for her.

LET'S ALSO TALK ABOUT HOW RAVEN WAS CONSTANTLY EMOTIONALLY MANIPULATED THROUGH EAH BY LITERALLY EVERYONE??? LIKE THIS GIRL COULD NOT CATCH A BREAK, IF MADDIE WASN'T THERE SHE WOULD'VE SNAPPED SO FAST IM NOT EVEN KIDDING.

side tangent on this: woman spent her wishing well coin on asking if her friends would be fine if she didn't sign, PLEASE I LOVE HER.

like we had GRIMM of all people on her ass constantly threatening her with going 'poof' and ruining everyone's lives, and oh yes, he took the one thing she had from her mother and gave her that horrific wishing well vision, and then, she had ALLLL the royals telling her how horrible she was for not signing and dooming them all, and then we still have apple, who was constantly reminding her to sign and asking why she didn't and how she should've and whatever whatever; you get the point but STILL.

like i sincerely have trouble understanding why we're demonizing raven rn over wanting to choose her own happiness for once, over a lifetime of literal TORMENT AND SUFFERING.

and consistently throughout the show, we are also shown how apple is in the wrong; apple is a very nuanced character yes, and there's a lot of valid reasons that explain why she has the worldview that she does, and does the things that she does, but it doesn't take away the fact that apple is wrong, and throughout eah, we are shown apple realizing and then later accepting that she's wrong and raven's views and actions are valid and right.

i mean, we even get other characters who were diehard royals acknowledging raven's terrible situation and sympathizing with her; case in point, briar in thronecoming.

lastly, on the point of her not listening to apple or hearing her out, girl, like i love apple sm; but her entire point throughout the earlier seasons was 'oh raven why won't you poison me so you can go to prison and i can get my happily ever after like we're supposed to?'; like apple is also shown to be entirely unreasonable in the earlier seasons to raven being like 'haha hey, this is kind of fucked up, don't you think??' and again, apple has valid reasons for this, but it doesn't take away the fact that she was wrong and that there is really no reason for raven to be demonized over THIS of all things???

tl;dr: raven queen is a wonderful character; apple white would beat your ass if you're talking shit about her (like not in being like "oh i don't like this character" way, in this particular clown way), and demonizing raven for being 'selfish' is WILDDD.

[steves-on-a-plane]

I'll Be There For You

For @star-spangled-bingo 2021

Pairing: None Cast Of Characters: Sam Wilson, Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers & Rogers Daughter!Reader Warnings: Mild swearing, bit of teenaged angst from Reader Words: 2399 Squares Filled: Dad/Daughter Dance Summary: Reader is Steve Rogers' twelve year old daughter who has been left in the care of her two "Uncles" Sam and Bucky. Reader confesses to Sam & Bucky that she feels like she plays second figure to "Captain America" on her dad's priority list. Her uncles do their best to assure her this isn't the case and of course Steve Rogers swoops in at the last minute to save the day.

You opened the window, closed your eyes and inhaled deeply. You didn’t care that the wind swirling around outside was causing small pools of water on the sill as fat droplets made their way in side. You didn’t care that the air was thick and the sky was a chalky grey. It was raining and you loved the rain. Rain was cleansing. Rain meant that old things were being washed away and new things would grow in their place. Rain was comforting.

The apartment you lived in with your father was the opposite. The building was old and every other floorboard seemed to creak or crack. The windows rattled and no matter how much the two of tried to keep things clean, there seemed to be a perpetual layer of dust that settled over everything. It was somehow stuff and drafty at the same time. You want to be outside where the rain was, not stuck inside with your two babysitters.

“[Y/N], what the hell are you doing?” Your Uncle Bucky demanded as he entered the living room. He pulled down the sash, effectively closing the window and keeping the beautiful rain scents out.

“Buck, you shouldn’t say hell to kids. You shouldn’t swear at kids. Steve would have a fit if he heard you.” Uncle Same chastised as he followed into the room.

“[Y/n]’s not a kid, she’s twelve. That’s practically thirteen. She’s basically a teenager.” Bucky pointed out. “Besides it’s not like hell is a gateway swear. You think if she hears me say hell then it’s a matter of time before she moves on to some real swear like…"

“I’m going to stop you right there.” Sam interrupted. “I don’t see a scenario where that sentence doesn’t end in a word Steve is comfortable with [Y/N] hearing.”

“Uncle Sam you do know that I’ve been around Tony Stark before, right?” You asked. “And believe it or not the Avenger who swears the most is Dr. Banner.”

“That still doesn’t mean your Uncle Bucky needs to help you pick up any bad habits.” Sam then noticed the water on the windowsill dripping down onto Steve’s hardwood floor. “Where did all that water come from?”

“Little Rogers had the window open.” Bucky nodded at you. “She had half her torso sticking out a fifth floor window.” He shook his head. “I’ll go get a towel.”

“Were you really hanging out the window?” Sam asked as Bucky stepped out into the hall. He knew Uncle Bucky had the tendency to overreact. Not that he could blame the guy, you were the only kid Bucky ever spent more than five minutes with.

“No.” You answered, but the truth was you couldn’t be certain. “I don’t know, maybe.” You added.

“YES!” Bucky shouted from the linen closet, still out of sight.

“You know that’s dangerous, don’t you [Y/N]?” Sam reminded you.

“Yeah, but…” You tried to defend yourself.

“Yeah but do you think Uncle Sam or I want to have to call your Dad and tell him that you fell out the window when we were supposed to be taking care of you?” Bucky handed you the towel and motioned for you to start moping up your mess.

“Weren’t you the one who was just saying I’m practically a teenager?” You sighed. You then mumbled to yourself, “Besides, maybe if I fell out of the window he’d actually pay attention to me.” Sam and Bucky exchanged a look of confusion behind your back.

“What do you mean by that?” Sam probed. He wasn’t accusatory. His tone was soft, he waited for you to answer.

“He’s not here right now is he?” You tossed the sopping towel in your hands to the ground and turned to face them. “Lots of kids have parents who go away for work so I know I’m not that special okay? But I can’t help but wish he was home more. Even when he’s not away on missions he’s still in his office taking calls or filing reports or zoom meetings! It sucks!” You threw yourself down into a nearby armchair. You ignored the smirk from Bucky and the incredulous look from Sam as you swore. “Even when he tries to do things with me…Like last week, he wanted to take me out for ice cream. We didn’t even make it a block from the apartment before he was getting hounded for photos and autographs. I love my dad, but I hate Captain America.”

Sam and Bucky exchange another look. This time both their expressions seemed to say, “What do we do now?”

“It’s okay, you can say it.” You sighed, looking down at your feet rather than at either of them.

“Say what, Kid?” Bucky used the most affectionate nickname he could muster and he sat beside you on the couch.

“That it’s a really selfish thing to say and that Captain America does a lot of good and sharing dad with the Greater Good is a sacrifice I should be happy to make. You can’t think any worse of me then I already do.” You assured them, still not daring to make eye contact with either one of them.

“I don’t think that at all.” Bucky told you. You certainly weren’t expect that. You looked over at him. “I hate Captain America too sometimes.”

“You do?” You felt your eyebrows knit together. Uncle Bucky had been your dad’s best friend practically their entire lives.

“Of course. Steve Rogers is my best friend.” Bucky said. “But Steve Rogers is a skinny little thing who’s allergic to everything under the sun, and couldn’t fight his way out of a paper bag.” His description brought forward in your mind pictures you’d seen of you dad before the serum. Seeimg him like that always made you giggle. “Now Captain America, He’s a big beefy guy, he likes running and motocyles, thinks he’s so cool.” Bucky wrinkled his face in disgust. “You know what helps me, on my days when I’m really ticked off at Captain America?”

“What?” You inched a little closer to Bucky as if he were whispering a secret.

“I have to remind myself that some days, your dad hates Captain America too.” You opened your mouth to disagree, but Sam jumped in. He sat on the other end of the couch, joining the conversation.

“Remember that story you were telling us during dinner, that one friend you have…?” Sam reminded you.

“Jennifer.” You supplied.

“Right.” Sam nodded. “Remember how you said Jennifer’s mom told her that drawing is a waste of time so now even though Jennifer really loves to paint and draw she doesn’t bring her projects home from art class any more? This is kind of like that.”

“Riiight.” Bucky agreed unsure if your friend’s interest in art was the same as the point he was trying to make, but he’d give Wilson an A for effort.

“It’s the same thing.” Sam insisted. “Jennifer is comfortable sharing her art work with you, because she knows you support her. There are thinks your dad with share with us that Captain America might not share with the world.”

“Right.” Bucky nodded enthusiastically this time. “Like that magazine that published an Apple Pie recipe last month as ‘Captain America’s Signature Apple Pie.’ You and I both know your dad’s never made an apple pie in his life. He doesn’t even like apple pie that much.” You smiled again remembering the rant Uncle Bucky had gone on when he saw the magazine in the grocery store.

“You said your cat could probably make a better pie that dad.” You reminded him.

“And I still think that.” Buck assured you. “Our point, [Y/N], is that it’s okay to not be okay all of the time. It’s okay to feel like your dad and Captain America are two different people sometimes. But you have to talk about you are feeling. You have to tell your dad, Uncle Sam, me or someone else , because if you don’t you’re never going to feel better about it.”

“I mean I guess I feel a little better already.” You shrugged. “But I’m afraid to bother any one with my stuff. You guys are busy. Let me guess this is the part where you both say you’re never too busy for me?” You rolled your eyes. “Dad says that all the time, but he’s on a mission and not at the father daughter dance with me tonight. I’m sorry about the window.” You said getting to your feet. You picked up the towel from where you’d discarded it earlier.

“Father daughter dance?” Bucky mouthed to Sam behind your back. Sam shrugged in response. “Fix it!” Bucky replied.

“How?” Sam mouthed back. It was Bucky’s turn to shrug.

“I think I got most of the water.” You said, facing them again. “I’ll throw this thing in the hamper and then I think I’ll call it a night. Thanks for listening to me b-complain for a bit.” You decided not to chance swearing again in front of Uncle Sam.

“Bed?” Bucky jumped to his feet. “It’s not even five yet.” He glanced at his watch to confirm. “We should do something…”

“That’s fine, I think I just want to be alone for now. I’m sure dad will still be gone tomorrow. We can do something then.” You and your dripping wet towel started to make your way towards your bedroom.

“[Y/N], wait.” Sam also got to his feet. “Maybe Uncle Bucky and I could take you to your father daughter dance. I know it’s not the same because we’re not your dad, but other kids probably go with uncles or…”

“Jennifer’s moms are both taking her.” You smirked. “And I am the only one of my friends who wasn’t going. It could be fun.”

“What time’s the dance start?” Bucky asked. “Seven? Eight?”

“Seven, but I don’t have anything to wear. Everyone else was planning on dressing up.” You pointed out.

“If we leave now, I’m sure we can still find you something nice.” Sam suggested. “Maybe we can find a salon to do your hair.” He remembered how much his sister used to love getting her hair done special for dances when they were younger.

“What about the rain?” You bit your lip. You could tell they were really trying to make this work.

“You were about to climb out that window before I got in the room.” Bucky laughed. “I didn’t think a little rain would slow you down.”

“Okay.” You agreed. “Okay. Father-Daughter-Uncle Dance it is.”

“I’ll get my car keys. You put your shoes on and get a jacket. Last thing I need is you getting sick.” Sam instructed.

Two and a half hours later, Sam parked his car in the parking lot of your school. The dance was being held in the gymnasium. Miraculously, he had found a hair salon that was still open and willing to style your hair for the event. Apparently, a lot of parents in the neighborhood were taking their kids for cuts or styles in preparation of the big event. While you were in the salon, Bucky darted in and out of shops trying to find the right dress. He was on video chat with you or Sam the entire time and eventually the three of you settled on a pale pink dress with layers and layers of tule for the skirt. It had a shimmering silk sash that Uncle Bucky had tied into a perfect pink bow and the sleeves were flowy but not heavy. You felt like a princess.

“We’re late.” You frowned. “Do you think that matters?”

“Haven’t you ever been fashionably late before?” Bucky asked, opening the car door for you. He held a large umbrella in his hands so that neither of you would get wet. You noticed the rain had slowed down considerably since earlier.

Bucky and Sam had done their best to look put together for you. Uncle Bucky borrowed a pair of your dad’s old khaki pants and a charcoal grey button up shirt he hardly ever wore. You didn’t know where he’d found suspenders, but suspected they were your fathers too. Uncle Sam went for a more casual look wearing his cleanest pair of jeans and a maroon polo. When you entered the school gym, your homeroom teacher Mr. Jenson was selling and collecting tickets.

“Ah, [Y/N] Rogers. Who are your escorts this evening?” He asked while Sam paid for the tickets.

“These are my two Uncles.” You introduced them.

“It’s a pleasure to meet both of you.” Mr. Jenson smiled. “Enjoy the dance.”

For the most part you did. There were all sorts of desserts available. Bucky helped you taste test every single one before you both agreed the chocolate cupcakes were the best. You felt a sense of pride when one of the boys in your class tried asking Sam about his Falcon costume and he explained he was at the dance on official Uncle business. They’d have to save the Falcon talk for another time. You introduced them to all of your friends and told everyone how amazing it was that they’d put everything together so last minute for you. Both Sam and Bucky took turns making sure you got in as many dances as possible. What had started as a boring afternoon had turned into a pretty good night.

“I think I’m ready for bed.” You yawned as you sat down next to Sam. The night had begun to wind down and you were getting tired.

“One more dance and then we’ll head up.” Bucky told you.

“Uncle Bucky I don’t know if I’ve got one more dance in me.” You yawned again.

“Too tired to dance with your old man even?” A familiar voice asked from behind you. You pivoted in your seat to see your dad standing behind you. He was dressed in his best suit, your favorite navy blue one, and held a bouquet of wildflowers in one hand.

“Dad!” You jumped to your feet and hugged him.

“You didn’t think I’d miss the chance to dance with my best girl, did ya?” You Dad asked. You took the flowers he offer you and placed them on the table between Sam and Bucky.

“Thank you.” You whispered to both of them before following your dad out to the dance floor.

[alfredosauce50]

She’ll never know [Yandere! Iceland x reader]

Synopsis: Everybody’s pumped for the week-long skiing trip in Switzerland. While Emil and you are back to showcasing your weird relationship— “platonically” holding hands and sharing beds, Mathias never catches the drift like everyone else does and demands the same treatment from you. Emil eventually gives in to jealousy and denounces his friendship with you the first night in. He thought he was satisfied with these developments, all until he overhears a conversation between Mathias and Lukas two days later. Seems like he wasn’t the only one pining for you. His chance at revenge arrives when he finds the Dane unconscious in the snow after a freak accident. Wordcount: 4,288 The reader is referred to as she/her.

It was supposed to be a drama-free ski trip. 

You were tagging along for the first time, sitting with him on the plane and sharing a room at the resort. Getting a seat next to you was a wildcard, for sure. But the latter was a given, considering it was Tino who made the sleeping arrangements. Out of everyone in the group, or anyone for that matter, you had always been the closest to Emil—the Finnish man was well aware of that.

Even then, he planned on sticking to you like a tattoo. For seven straight days, being with him also meant you would be in the company of a loud-mouthed Dane. And sometimes, he could be all up in your business. But he was safe for now, so long as he didn’t try anything on the plane. 

The soft murmuring of passengers and white noise of the cabin filled his ears as he walked down one of the aisles. Once you found your seats, he didn’t waste time to buckle himself in and get comfortable, all so he could pull out his phone. The last time you were with him, you both watched Interstellar. Well, most of it. 

“Em, this flight is a little over an hour. Why not take a nap instead?” You suggested, but he never slowed his movements to open Netflix.

While the downloaded video loaded, he pulled off his sweatshirt to ruffle up his silvery-white hair. Under that was a black graphic T-shirt with a cat on it. “Mm... No. We have to finish it while it’s still fresh in our memory.”

“Okay, fine. I didn’t wanna watch it right now because I’ll cry again.”

“So? Nobody’s gonna see.” 

Nobody except him. But you never minded, as you were already leaning over to finish the movie with him. His taste in sad movies rubbed off on you, and you were quick to tears. That, he was very familiar with. But besides crying, you also had a habit of falling asleep in his bed after staying up to watch things or play games. So it wasn’t weird to know how often you slept with him. 

Eventually, a strange chemistry started to brew between you both. 

A physical and emotional closeness so intimate, it was comparable to that of a relationship. But Emil never thought of things like that. Best friends could do this stuff, couldn’t they? Holding hands and sharing clothes was the norm. 

Drinking from the same cup was just a regular Tuesday.  

“Gimme some of your apple juice.” You whispered, feeling a little dry in the mouth after tearing up. Reaching out for his cup to take a few gulps, he furrowed his brows and grumbled. He was left with nothing but backwash. 

“I was gonna drink that.”

A few mischievous laughs fell from your lips. “There’s still some left.” Picking the cup up, you swished around the remaining contents, which wasn’t much. 

“This should be more than enough for you, you dehydrated gremlin. I’d encourage you to have more, but we both know you’d only have a sip whether I drank from it or not."

A light blush dusted his cheeks and he frowned. “No I wouldn’t.”

“You would. That’s why I left you a sip.”

“... Shut up.”

The plane landed not long after, and your spunk died down near the conclusion of the film. Yes, it was sad. And yes, you cried. Like Emil expected, you were going to be silent for a while. When everyone regrouped to walk around the airport, you stayed by his side and held his hand. At the platforms to wait for the train, you and him were inseparable—head on his shoulder and all. But in your defence, you were tired. And this wasn’t the first time.

If anybody else did this to him, he would be shoving them off. They could hit their head for all he cared. And that was precisely why Tino and Lukas were giving him funny looks in the carriage. 

Laughing quietly to themselves with a hand covering their mouths, they watched on with a devilish expression. “Huhuhu,” was what Emil heard as he sat comfortably in his seat, but he knew what it translated to. Look at you, holding her hand while she’s asleep. He simply turned away with rosy cheeks. He didn’t know what they were on about. This wasn’t weird at all. 

Yes, he wasn’t exactly the most touchy-feely with people, but you weren’t just anybody. And he knew he liked you, a lot at that, but it was perfectly platonic. 

Nobody was convinced, however. All except for the Dane who practically came bounding over from a few rows down. But it was likely he never even got the gist.

The train finally reached a slower, constant speed, so he was prepared to join the group for some small talk. Leaning down on the backrest, he laid his eyes on you and Emil with a grin. “Well, well, well. Don’t you two look cozy.” He commented, his voice making the boy glance up. “Don’t get too comfortable, though. We’re going skiing today!”

“But hey—”Combing a hand through his wild and unruly locks of blonde, he smiled sheepishly. “Do you think I could sit with her on the way back?”

Just when he thought nothing could ruin this vacation, he was proven wrong. That was right. Mathias was the only other person present who actively showed you affection, and it always bothered him. God, the thought of you sitting with him for hours made him sick. 

“... Only if she wants to.” He mumbled, sinking lower into his seat to cause his hoodie to ride up. Since it was already on his head, it came drooping over his face to hide his dark purple eyes. There, he could read the other’s expression.

He could take a few things away from it. Right now, he was rubbing the nape of his neck while watching you snooze. Every time Mathias was expectant, he wouldn’t stop moving his hands. The sight made his frown deepen. When Lukas and Tino witnessed this, they looked away and shared the same thought. 

Just let him be, you idiot.

But Mathias didn’t quite get the memo, let alone read their minds.

So he stood up and responded with this. “Well, of course she’ll want to! Who wouldn’t sit next to me?” A brief silence fell around the group. Lukas coughed. Berwald continued to watch the mountainous landscape outside the window without a word, trailing his icy blue eyes over the snow that glowed purple at dawn. “Seriously, guys? This is why I like (F/N) the best. At least she’s nice to me.” 

Emil squeezed your hand as you slept. The tightness in his chest only seemed to worsen by the second. And it showed in his visible discomfort. Lowering his head, he let his fringe fall over his eyes.

“... She’s nice to everyone.” 

The blonde shrugged while closing his eyes in a look of satisfaction. 

“If you’re gonna be train buddies, then we can be skiing buddies. Right, (F/N)?” Reaching down to your head, he tipped it gently in a nod before saying this. “Of course, Mathias! You’re my favorite.” 

As if. 

“That was a terrible impression.” 

“What impression?” 

He huffed under his breath. They hadn’t even arrived at the resort, and he was already dreading the next seven days. This gut feeling turned out to be right, because it only seemed to get worse. 

***

Shortly after arriving, everyone dropped off their things before leaving to get right into the sport. After napping for nearly two hours, you were replenished with the energy to go skiing. Despite being quite the skilled skier himself, Mathias was kind enough to accompany you on the easier slopes. More accurately put, he was jumping at the opportunity to teach you. 

Hell, he’d been waiting outside your room to take you to the ski lifts. The moment you opened the door, you were greeted by the man all geared up, with goggles on and all. 

“Morning. You ready to roll? Or, slide?” He asked. 

Seeing him so eager was cute, so you were obliged to follow, leaving Emil alone in the room. When said boy left the bathroom after freshening up, he saw the door close behind you. “Sorry, Emil! I’m gonna go ahead! I’ll see you outside!” 

And just like that, you were gone. Dropping his face towel off on a chair, he dug his hands through his hair and breathed in deeply. Since when was the last time he felt this much anguish? Yes, he was rooming with you. But that was only at night. Daytime meant you would be with Mathias. He had no place complaining, considering he wasn’t the best at skiing. Nothing he could do about that. 

He changed out of his T-shirt and into his snow gear with a sigh. 

His excitement to go skiing was gone. 

And if he wasn’t going to ski, he’d be holed up in his room. His logic told him this was selfish, but he wanted you to stay with him more than anything. 

You returned late in the afternoon as the sun was going down, but he’d been staying inside ever since lunch. Perking up at the sound of the door creaking open, he forced his head down and popped his earphones in. After you set your things down and changed to more comfortable clothes, you walked over to the bed and found a bump under the blanket. Lifting it up by the hem, you found him curled up with his phone. 

His earphones fell out. “(F/N)?” 

“Who else would it be, dummy? I was wondering where you went.” You kicked off your slippers and slid right in. He didn’t know how much he’d been longing for this until now—the feeling of you laying next to him in bed. But he couldn’t get carried away yet. It wasn’t even night yet.

A displeased expression contorted at your features, but it melted away as you pulled his phone away. 

“H-Hey!” He tried reaching out for it, but it was already on the bedside table. 

“No more screen time for you.” You tapped him on the nose. “How else am I gonna get your lazy ass out of bed?” He knitted his brows together and rolled into you to hide his face. Then, he curled two arms around you, albeit slowly.

“To do what?”

“To ski, duh.” 

He squeezed you. “But I don’t want to.” Emil’s wintry white locks were soft against your chest, and you felt his body heat waft over to yours. It was a sure fire sign he’d been under the covers for too long. That was when an idea struck him. This would definitely get you to stay with him for the rest of the day, and maybe tomorrow if he was lucky. “I... feel kinda sick.” 

Your smile fell and you immediately reached out to cup his cheeks, then clamp a hand over his forehead. When he felt your touch as you checked his temperature, his heart rate escalated. He was on cloud nine. 

“... Oh no... You’re a bit warm. I think it’s best that you stay in bed. But don’t use too many blankets, or your fever will get worse.”

The sensation of your hands on him was to die for, and the thought that you were worried about him made it better. Nobody would have expected this trait from the usually detached boy, but he was secretly clingy. And he had the most subtle ways of showing it. An example would be lying about feeling unwell, but he didn’t feel bad about it at all. 

A headache was pounding in his skull, and it wasn’t wrong to say he was upset. And plus, if this worked, you could stay with him. He could practically feel a smile creeping to his lips at the thought, but he hid half of his face with the blanket. “... Are you gonna ski tomorrow?” He asked quietly. 

You craned your head to the side in thought. 

“Only if you can. Who’s gonna look after you when I’m gone?”

Blood rushed up to his face and he nodded. “Okay.” 

Reaching out to his cheek again, you groaned. “Oh my god. Why are you so hot? Hold on. I’m gonna find you an ice pack.” You slid off the bed, but not before giving him an affectionate pinch. He made a soft noise in protest. “I think this is a sign for you to fix your sleep schedule and stop eating instant.” 

Before you left, he reached out to grab your wrist. 

“What is it?”

He released you after a few moments. “... Nothing...” 

You smiled weirdly. “Okay, hun. Give me a ring if you need anything.” 

A couple hours later, the group gathered for dinner in a nearby restaurant. Despite the freezing temperatures that dropped significantly at night, Mathias insisted to sit outside at the balcony to enjoy the views. The views in question weren’t even that visible with how dark out it was. There was nothing but faint outlines of mountains stretching on for miles into the horizon. 

Much to Emil’s displeasure, you insisted that he sit opposite you. Understandable, because it was closer to the indoors where the warm air was wafting out of. But that only meant you’d sit next to the Dane, and he was quick to notice you shivering lightly in the cold. 

Like him, you had a sweater on, but he was the human heater, not you. Curling an arm around your shoulders with a softened gaze, he rubbed your arm up and down. Almost like how a boyfriend would to their girlfriend. 

And Emil witnessed it all happen. 

“You’re shaking like a leaf, min elskede. Do you want my sweater as well?” He laughed, to where you shook your head profusely. 

Did he just call you ‘my love’ in Danish? Since when did he start calling you that? And he was offering his clothes to you as well? He thought only he did that. Gripping the hem of his hoodie with clammy hands, he lowered his head as his heart started to sting. Fuck. He hated this feeling. 

But what he saw next made it unfathomable. 

“No, of course not! I can deal with this. You’d be crazy to take it off—" He lifted his sweater up and threw it over his head, the action making his t-shirt ride up. “—and, you’re taking it off.” He fixed his top before sliding the knit over you. Pulling it down so you could fit your arms through the arm holes, you were overwhelmed with his smell, and not to mention, completely encased with warmth. 

He was now left in nothing but a T-shirt.

“That better?” Mathias grinned.

“Yes, you idiot. But if you catch a cold because of me, you won’t be the only sick one in the group.” You grumbled under a blush, a little embarrassed he actually gave you his sweater. “Thank you, though.”

His stomach churned. His breathing deepened. Unbeknownst to you, or anyone for that matter, he started to spiral down a path of self-destructive thoughts. Did he always like you that much? He lifted his gaze to you, and found you carrying on with your usual banter with the Dane. Did you always like him that much? You laughed. Emil bit his lip. It always made him euphoric to hear you laugh, but knowing it wasn’t him that was responsible for it made him feel an unpleasant mix of all kinds of things. Sadness, anger, and a violent kind of jealousy.

So shortly after finishing his food, he stood up and left without a word. That silenced the chatter at the table, and everyone called out to him. But he was too quick on his feet.

You’d never seen him do something like that. Either he was nauseous, or something was really wrong. “He’d got a fever, so maybe he’s going to... You know. I’ll check on him.” With that said, you stood up and took Mathias’s sweater off. “Here. Just in case I don’t come back.”

Jogging up to your room, you were relieved to see that your instincts were right on the mark. Emil had retreated back here, and was currently hiding under the covers. Nearing his side, you lowered yourself to your knees. "Em? Are you okay? Did you puke?”

“... No.” His voice was thick and nasally.

And that pointed to one thing.

The poor boy was crying.

Breathing out a soft sigh, you removed all your layers until you were in your undergarments. Lifting up the corner of the blanket, you joined him before wrapping your arms around his form. “I know you don’t like talking about yourself, but I can’t help you unless you tell me what’s wrong.” You murmured, rubbing soothing circles into his back. “You can tell me anything. I won’t be weirded out or judge you. I’m just worried about you, okay?”

He popped his head out from under the blanket to reveal his flushed face stained with tears.

“... Anything?”

You hummed. “Mmhm. Anything.”

Emil paused for a moment. Frankly, he had no idea why he was feeling like this. Perhaps he did, he just didn’t want to say it. That maybe, everyone was right about him. That what he felt about you was anything but innocent. The signs were all there. He’d never been this attached to anyone, ever, and even if he was, he would’ve hid it to some degree. But not with you. He’d been all over you since the start of the trip, and even now, he had his arms looped around your neck. And when other people decided to do the same to you, he was choked with turbulent emotions.

It even got to the point of intrusive thoughts. Back at the dinner table, all he could think about aside from worrying about this relationship was this—something terrible happening to Mathias. He didn’t want him to be there. He just wished he’d disappear, even for a little while.

When he realized these desires, he knew he couldn’t tell you. But there was still something he wanted. “... I’m fine now. But I just wanted to ask you something.”

You frowned. “Doesn’t look like you’re fine. You can’t keep brushing it off and expect me to let it go.”

“You’re right. But I promise I’ll feel better after this.”

“... Alright. But the next time this happens, I’m not letting you off the hook.” You murmured, reaching out to give his cheek a pat. “What did you wanna ask me?”

He flickered his eyes down to your lips. Then, he returned his gaze, but his stare felt a little hot on you for some reason. It never crossed your mind that he was hugging you around your neck, but it did now. “Would you ever...” Emil blushed darkly. “... Kiss me?”

You blinked at the unexpected question, but reacted nevertheless. The red flushing his cheeks spread to yours as you strung together the words to respond. “Well... I’m not disgusted or anything. We’re really close, so I wouldn’t mind kissing you.” You answered honestly, but that didn’t change the fact that you were curious why he even asked such a thing. “... Why?”

“I just wanted to know.” Emil mumbled. “Would you kiss anyone else?”

“No. That would be weird, wouldn’t it?”

His heart started to pound in euphoria. But the longer he lingered on what you said, his heart began to pound with another emotion.

“If you’d kiss me, then would you kiss me now?”

You had a feeling things would pan out this way. But you didn’t mind it in the least, in fact, you kind of wanted to do this. Leaning in to him, you heard his breath hitch from the close proximity. “... Maybe. But only a short one, because you’re sick.” Pressing your lips to his for short and sweet peck, he squeezed his arms around you and pulled you in again. Attaching his mouth to yours for a deeper kiss, he caught you off guard by the sudden build-up in intensity.

His coils around your neck tightened, and for the next few minutes or so, he kept kissing you. He just couldn’t stop moving his mouth with yours, nibbling on your lips ever so often. It felt too good. He never thought he’d ever be able to do this, but he was never going back now.

Everything he’d ever done with you now felt like child’s play. How could he have resisted these feelings for so long? Rolling you onto your back, he loomed over you and continued to make out with you on the bed. The connection between your mouths was starting to feel hot. The taste of yours only grew more prominent, and that was how he knew he was denouncing everything he used to have with you. He couldn’t take it, being friends with you. Emil had always been clingy. Jealous. And he was facing the truth—the reason.

He liked you. In every way you could like someone. But that wasn’t all. He was obsessed with you.

That night, you fell asleep on his chest.

To say he was satisfied with these developments was an understatement. He always thought of himself as your best friend, nothing more, nothing less. But he was relieved he finally accepted he really felt about you. So there was no need to pretend to be sick anymore.

He felt like skiing again, especially when you had another reason to be with him instead of Mathias.

The next day was a blast.

He finally got to try the intermediate slope thanks to your encouragement, and he could officially say he wasn’t terrible at skiing. And he continued to explore the harder slopes the day after as well.

Sometime in the afternoon, he returned back to the resort for a hot drink break. Taking a seat in the dining hall, he overheard two familiar voices. He swallowed down what he had in his mouth before listening in to their conversation. Hm. Was that... Mathias? And Lukas? Those two have always been pretty close, so he could already guess that their conversation would include pretty confidential contents. But it wasn’t his fault they held it in his earshot, right?

“Hey, so I’ve been thinking. I really like... You know. And I wanted to ask her out.”

“You mean (F/N)? Good luck trying to separate her from Emil. If they somehow don’t already like each other, then maybe you’ll have a chance.”

“Nah, it’s worth a shot! He isn’t the type to be in a relationship, anyway.”

Emil froze.

What the hell was that supposed to mean?

The memories of that conversation replayed in his head like a broken record. Even while he was enjoying the cold night air as he skied later that day, he couldn’t stop lingering on it. Fuelling the anger he felt a few days ago. So that was why he gave you his sweater. Gliding through the soft blankets of snow, he never slowed down. Nobody knew you were dating him yet, but that only reinforced the fact that this relationship was new. Nothing was set in stone yet. And that only meant things could change, wouldn’t it?

His chest tightened and he slowed to a stop. He couldn’t let that happen, no matter what.

As if the world wanted to test that statement, his attention was stolen by a gap in the snow fencing. It looked as if something shot through it, or more accurately put, crashed into it and broke it. Sliding himself closer to take a better look, he was shocked to find a body outside the barriers. A skier. He must’ve swerved too hard and passed out from possible head trauma.

But Emil soon discovered it wasn’t just any random ‘he’. The clothes and gear were all too familiar. Could it be? His blonde hair gave it all away. This skier wasn’t a stranger. It was Mathias.

He was laying on his side with half his head submerged in white.

Upon realizing their identity, the fear-induced urgency to call for help suddenly subsided. Instead, he turned around, and skied away, slowly, back to the resort. What was he doing? Was he seriously going to leave him out in the snow where he could easily die? Emil couldn’t stop himself from moving. Was he seriously that upset? It was clear. He was.

But he knew he didn’t want him to die.

Even then, he couldn’t bring himself to tell anyone, not until an hour later, at least.

He didn’t know what was going through his head. But he knew what he felt. He wanted him to get sick at least. That would incapacitate him for a while, but not forever.

Sure enough, when the search and rescue found him, he was down with a bad case of hypothermia. He was immediately tended to by medical professionals, and it was revealed that he wouldn’t have made it if Emil never brought up the matter that Mathias had been missing. The color drained from his face when he heard that, and he never felt this guilty in his life. But it was short-lived. After all, he was still alive, wasn’t he?

He secured you in his arms as you cried softly into his chest. Nobody had to know about this. Especially not you, who warbled out how thankful you were that he remembered Mathias’s disappearance.

As he kissed your tears away, the only thought that repeated in his head was this.

She’ll never know.

[theendofeverafter]

Apple White can be both complex and a bad person (long post)

The Ever After High fandom seems to be split on whether or not Apple White is a good character. Her stans say yes, obviously. Her haters say no, obviously. And Royal and Rebel sympathizers seem to be split among party lines. And who can blame them?

The writers dropped the ball with her. She was first a naïve, pampered 15-year-old who only knew and cared about her own Happily Ever After (HEA for future references). Once she started rooming with Raven, she had to come to terms with the fact that not everyone wanted to follow their destinies. Some people point to her journey to prove that it was hard for her to unlearn what she’d been taught...but I’m not sure she should be absolved for this.

Exhibit A: True Hearts Day

Do y’all remember this? Apple was horrible in THD. Ashlynn Ella is a princess, yes, but her destiny entailed her beloved mother dying prematurely, Ashlynn being forced into servitude, and eventually her own untimely death. Not to mention that she’d have to break up with the one person who understood her (seriously, read EAH’s Once Upon a Time book). Apple, knowing all of this--save for Ashlynn’s romance--makes a big stink about it, even doom and glooming on Blondie’s MirrorCast about the relationship. What kind of friend does that? It was earlier on in the series, but Apple should have kept it to herself if she didn’t think Ashlynn and Hunter should’ve been together. Apple is the sole reason Ashlynn and Hunter break up. When they get back together at the dance, Apple makes the whole thing all about herself. She loudly proclaims in front of everyone that she still doesn’t approve of their relationship and that she thinks Ashlynn is “doing the wrong thing”. Naïve or not, this is objectively bad behavior.

Exhibit B: Thronecoming

This sealed Apple’s status for me and other people. She calls Raven selfish for putting her HEA in destiny (totally ignoring the fact that nothing bad has happened to them yet) and embarrasses her in front of everyone. After Grimm manipulates Raven into wanting to sign, Apple doesn’t even care about her friend’s conflicted feelings. She prances around school, telling anyone who will listen (and even those who don’t want to) that Raven is condemning herself to a life of misery. She practically breathes down her neck as Raven starts her speech. After it’s revealed that Grimm tricked Raven, Apple admonishes him for tricking Raven into signing. Hypocritical much? Apple has been pressuring Raven to sign for the whole series. She even tries her hand at manipulation in Dragon Games. She has no right to talk.

Moving away from Raven, Apple also treats Briar poorly. Briar is Apple’s BFFA, and thus she presumably knows that Briar is less than thrilled about her destiny. When the reality of a 100-year sleep hits Briar, she reneges on her commitment to signing the Book. Apple, of course, is less than supportive. “We all have our part to play” is her response to her friend’s anguish at losing all her friends and family. Callousness seems to be Apple’s MO at this point. The show then faltered--Apple should have been the one to rescue Briar. It would have helped reform her character a little. But no, Briar has to save her friend, meaning Apple is let off the hook for not empathizing with Briar.

Exhibit C: Spring Unsprung

Apple was under a spell for most of this movie, but I’ll say this: there’s a pattern in the show of Apple not receiving any consequences for endangering the fairytale world. Her mother is queen, so obviously there’s unequal treatment on display, but it just makes her look more like a spoiled princess and less like a good character.

Exhibit D: Way Too Wonderland

Apple doesn’t do too many horrible things in this movie, but there is one thing I was unimpressed with: Lizzie tells her not to tell Courtly about their mission, but Apple does so anyway because *she* knows better. Never mind the fact that Apple has never been to Wonderland before, whereas Lizzie is the literal future Queen of Hearts! Lizzie acted suspicious of Courtly the entire time she was at their table. The narrators had just finished telling us how smart Apple was--couldn’t she deduce that less is more when it comes to talking to a stranger?

Exhibit E: Dragon Games

Why there are still Apple stans after this movie astounds me to this day (I’m 75% joking). Yes, Apple was manipulated by her mother (who’s a terrible person in her own right). Yes, she was manipulated by the Evil Queen. But at this point, Apple is 16 going on 17. She doesn’t need to be told *not* to break the glass and let the Greatest Evil The Fairytale World Has Ever Seen out of prison. She cannot be let off the hook like this. Raven has made it very clear that she has a bad relationship with her mother. In fact, I’m pretty sure she hinted at some abusive elements of her childhood in the books. Apple knows this. And yet, she does her very best to force mother and daughter to be together again. She once again ignores her friend’s feelings for her own gain. What she did to Raven in this movie was disgraceful.

Here’s a list of terrible things she did in this movie:

Tried to manipulate Raven into being “eviler”; broke the glass and let the Evil Queen escape; pretended like the Queen was a student instead of alerting Headmaster Grimm; played along with her mother’s scheme, putting civilian lives in danger; purposefully knocked Darling off her dragon in *mid-air*, causing the girl to seriously sprain her ankle; said “at least my mom will be proud of me” to Raven, a horrible thing to say to the girl with an evil, abusive mother; gave a half-assed apology to Raven in the Enchanted Forest; and showed no sign of turning herself in for freeing the Evil Queen.

Apple truly regressed in this movie. That’s the fault of the writers, of course--although it did make for a great move.

Exhibit F: Epic Winter

Apple wasn’t really in this movie much, but here you can see her privilege on display: Faybelle is the only person who gets in trouble for helping the Evil Queen. Why isn’t Apple forced to scrub the school too? Without her, none of this would have happened.

CONCLUSION

Apple is a complex character, yes. My writeup hopefully illustrated that fact. And of course, she does nice things in the books, movies, and webisodes too (I think Way Too Wonderland showed her strengths as a helpful, smart princess). But bad people can do nice things. And I truly believe that unless she makes amends for what she did, apologizes to her friends, and stops being a staunch Royal, she is a bad person for the reasons stated above. Or maybe not bad, but rather “not a nice person”.

If you’re still reading, let me know what you think! These are all my opinions, and you’re welcome to completely disagree. I write an EAH fanfiction called The End of Ever After. It’s about the characters’ final year at the school. You can find it here on Archive of our Own:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/23941786/chapters/57576310

Be warned: Apple is characterized as I see her in that story, so if you disagree with my strong stance against her, it might rub you the wrong way! But I hope you like it anyway :)

[ververa]

Like Mothers, Like Daughter

A/N: You have no idea how nervous I am right now, but I said I’ll post the first part, so I’m keeping my word, even though I feel like it’s not good enough. It has been rewritten at least 10 times and this is only some kind of introduction. For now it’s just my precious little Ellie. There’s no Mildred and no Wilhemina yet. But they’ll appear soon, I promise. Just bear with me, please 🙏🏼 Many thanks to @awildgothappeared​!!! Thank you so much for helping me with this series and thank you for convincing me to post this part!!! I’d probably never decide to do it if it hadn’t been for you Stevie <3  This story truly means a lot to me and all three of them - Ellie, Millie and Mina have a special place in my heart. They’re my new holy trinity. I put a lot of effort into this story - that’s why it’s taking me so long. 

Anyways, I hope you will all enjoy it!!! And just in case, I am sorry if this is shit, cause I actually sort of feel like it is 🙈 Also if anyone has any thoughts/suggestions/opinions do let me know!

Words count: ~3k

Tag list: @midnight-lestrange​, @natasha-danvers​, @stopkillinglilyrabe​, @welshdragonrawr​, @saucy-sapphic​, @yang12e​, @xixxiixx​, @pradababey​

Seemingly nothing had changed. Life was going on as it used to before, its usual way. Some governess would wake Ellie up at 7am, it wouldn’t be the same one who was there the previous evening. No, because for some reason the former one wasn’t suitable for the position. None of them were, because it was truly impossible to measure up to Mrs Staple’s expectations. Ellie knew, because she had been trying to ever since she had learned to speak. It didn’t matter how many languages she mastered or how good her grades were or that she became a champion of the fencing team. The woman, she was supposed to call her mother, would never be satisfied, the same as she would never be happy with the work all those governesses did. Some of them were fired, because they truly were useless, others were just unlucky and had a horrible timing - it really was an unpleasant experience to get in a way of annoyed Mrs Staple‒

Ellie stopped getting attached to them a long time ago. Not that she actually had a chance to. In fact, she didn’t even bother to remember their names any more and decided to give them numbers instead. Though sometimes, she did wonder where they find all of them. How many well-qualified governesses could be there in town? Where did they all come from?

That morning, the governess was bearing a name “241”. Quite impressive. Ellie thought as she was brushing her teeth. But it wouldn't last for too long. Perhaps it was only until the evening or maybe afternoon - depending on Lillian’s mood. And then the poor woman would have to leave, quicker than she appeared, just like 240 other women before her. That's how it worked with her mother. The demonic, callous woman really knew no limits.

Ellie was barely twelve, yet she was well aware what motives drove her mother's behavior. Each action had a perfectly explainable reason. The desire for power, the need of being in control. Though, the truth was, Lillian wasn't in a place to be a decision making one. She had never actually had a say and she knew, for a fact, that she would never have. She wasn't even close to it. She wasn't Staple, not by blood. And yet, despite this, she always introduced herself using her husband's family name - being boastful and vain as ever, nearly driving her only child apoplectic each time.

Lillian wanted to matter so badly, even if just for a moment, but still her actions, words, commands meant less than nothing. Even Ellie, though still a child, had more power than the cruel woman. And that's why Lillian hated her. She hated her only daughter, because Ellie was born Staple, she was born to the purple and carried an incredible power within her small body–

And all that appeared to be a good enough reason to terrorize 240 babysitters, who would not be needed at all if Lillian could just bring herself to care about her only child in the first place. But she couldn't and she didn't. She never wanted to have children, definitely not a girl. Maybe a son. Maybe–

If Ellie was a boy… maybe she'd be able to care, to love her child. But even then it wouldn't be the unconditional type of love. It would be yet another transaction, the tying agreement, which would, of course, be in her interest. Just like her marriage and all the relations within the family. But Ellie wasn't a boy and she didn't matter as much as a male successor would and so Lillian didn't care. She did what was expected of her, she gave birth to the next successor, and that was it. All she was willing to do and there was no way she'd put any more effort into it. She gave her husband what he wanted and was the least bit interested in her child's future. Lillian was too selfish to care, too busy fighting for her own position to even think about Elizabeth.

Ellie's father always told her that everyone had a little bit of the light and dark in them. People were complex like a cosmic system, both inside and outside. She liked that comparison.

"None of us are just black or white, or always right and never wrong. We have a universe within ourselves. We all have a little bit of the sun and moon inside. Everyone has good and bad forces working with them, within them and against them"

She believed it, but as much as she tried - she couldn't find any kind of light within her mother. There was nothing, just coldness and hatred - guiding her through life, leaving her blind to everything, but her selfish needs and whims.

"Elizabeth," her teacher's voice would bring her back to reality. And the day would carry on, as usual.

Ellie would participate in her classes and then have lunch downstairs. She would eat alone, as her father would be still at work and Lillian wouldn’t even bother to join the girl, preferring her own company over watching her little defeater, a perfect copy of her husband. Or maybe if they were lucky enough, the governess would keep her company. Though even if she would, even if somehow lady “241” would manage to keep her position and call it a day - Ellie probably wouldn’t decide to talk to her anyways. Why would she, knowing that the woman would soon disappear from her life forever?

But Ellie didn’t mind being on her own at all. She already got used to it. She had been a homeschooler since… always. She had been under lock and key her whole life, because that was their way of keeping her safe. That’s what they told her at least and she accepted it. That was the only way of living Ellie knew and she completely settled into it. She didn't ask, she didn't question their motives. She let it be, because there was nothing she could do. She didn't want to do anything.

She liked her life, well, she thought so leastways. She had nothing to complain about. She was safe, warm, had her books and her piano. Her teacher, constantly-changing governesses and servants provided some kind of company - preventing her from loosening her grip on reality completely. Her life wasn’t all that bad. Yes. It could have been worse after all. And homeschooling wasn’t the end of the world, right? It had both positive and negative sides, as everything - just like her father said. And that’s what Ellie was focused on.

After lunch her lessons would continue. The teacher would ask about some mathematical equations and she would solve all of them, before unerringly answering all subsequent questions. Ellie was a clever child and a fast learner. She was also stubborn and aimed at mastering whatever she wanted to perfection. She had to be good enough, she had to measure up, prove herself. And she was doing her best, steadfastly.

Everyone was foretelling her a bright future. She could do anything she wanted, those who didn’t know certain things were convinced of it. And those who knew the truth, the reality, the true meaning hidden behind the Staple’s name and the family roots - remained silent. Ellie was only a child after all, besides no one wanted to have a problem with her father, or even worse - with her grandfather. But they didn’t need to talk about it. Ellie, as a highly intelligent girl that she undoubtedly was, knew. She knew her future was doomed, because she was a prisoner, just like her father and grandfather, even her mother and the rest of the family. They were all prisoners, shackled with invisible cuffs - the life-long deal their ancestors had made ages before. They were prisoners to the nonreversible decision.

It may seem quite dramatic, sad even to some people, but they didn’t understand it. They never cared enough to comprehend the deep meaning behind the family’s actions, perhaps too ignorant or narrow-minded to decipher it. But they didn’t matter. Their opinions were irrelevant. 

Ellie never had a problem with that. She never truly allowed herself to think about the future, but she didn’t need to worry, not just yet. She had her father - her guardian and friend - who was there to keep her safe. He always knew how to make everything better. How to fix what appeared to be unfixable. And he was there at all times. He was there to hold his little girl, the apple of his eye. He was there to teach her and guide her. To grant Ellie the love and approval she couldn’t receive from Lillian. He was there, so that she could have a happy and peaceful childhood. And all that made Ellie feel lucky. Not all kids had what she did. Not all children were able to experience this kind of love. She knew. Elias told her about those children - left on their own, without anyone who would look after them, or love them the way he loved her. Whenever she remembered all those stories something inside her hurt. Her heart - it ached, every time Elias was telling her about that one little girl.

Ellie undeniably was compassionate and sensitive, her soul was still pure and free, untainted. She didn’t have to bear the burden of her decision, she didn’t have to carry it on her own like her father. That’s why she couldn’t understand his breaking down. She couldn’t figure out the reason for his tears, when she gave him one of her teddy bears, saying he should give it to the little girl. Ellie couldn’t know. Not back then.

And then, when her lessons were over, their butler - Leonard would take her to the fencing classes. That was the only time Ellie was out, freed from the thin walls of the castle they lived in. She always cherished every second of it, because every moment of freedom was like an incredible adventure.

She had been training for years, because fencing made her stronger and showed a certain set of thinking skills. The classes would go great, as always. Ellie as a wonderful fencer would win some clash, but she wouldn't even think about it, already engulfed by anticipation of the evening.

Ellie’s favourite part of the day was dinner. No, not the dinner itself - the whole process of it. The anticipation and preparations. Their servants would be preparing everything, putting a lot of effort into details, so as to avoid getting in trouble with Lillian. She was fabled for her choleric nature and no one wanted to be reprimanded. That's why they always did their best, striving to meet Lillian's expectations and avoid unhinging her.

The table had to be polished until it gleamed. Table covers had to be clean and smoothed. Dinnerware and cutlery had to be polished to a high gloss. And napkins… napkins had to have the right colors, because colors couldn't clash. After all those years Ellie learned the process by heart. She remembered everything, every little detail and the order of all those actions.

A plate in the middle. A napkin on the left, then forks - salad fork and dinner fork. The right side was where a dinner knife, dinner spoon and soup spoon were placed. And then glasses - a water glass and wine glass - on the right, above the spoons. It wasn't all that hard to remember. It definitely was far more complicated when it came to the formal dinner place setting, but when it was just the three of them - Ellie and her parents - the servants didn't have to worry about it. Informal setting was enough, unless Lillian decided differently.

By the time the table was set, Ellie would be fully in on her anticipation mood. After all it wasn't about the dinner or setting the table, it was about her father finally coming back home. Elizabeth would wait impatiently - pulled up to comfortably sit on the windowsill of the living room window. She did it every evening. Awaiting her father's car to turn into the driveway. Waiting for him to cross the doorstep and take her into his arms as he always did. She anticipated having dinner with him and then spending hours on talking and listening to his stories.

Ellie waited. One hour passed. Then another. Lillian gave up and ordered someone to bring her dinner upstairs, as she wasn't going to eat with Ellie even under those circumstances. They complied, Lillian got her dinner and finished it, while Ellie kept waiting, not moving from her spot even for a second, so as not to miss the moment of Elias' arrival. She waited, but he didn't come back. She fell asleep eventually and Leonard carefully carried her to her room. His heart was breaking for the girl, because he knew exactly what was happening. He already knew what Ellie didn't or maybe she did. She did, perhaps, but refused to accept it…

She kept waiting. For hours, days, a week. Whenever she heard some car, she would rush to the window, hoping it was Elias. Ellie found it hard to focus on anything else. She barely ate and sleep, she just passed out from exhaustion basically every evening. Each time Leonard would take her upstairs and tuck her in bed. Though in the morning she'd be back downstairs, most likely wearing one of her father's hats or shirts - almost three times too big for her- but it didn't matter. She didn't care. If she could, she'd most likely not only wear his clothes, but also spend every minute of the day in her spot on the windowsill.

Where did he go? Why didn't he come back? Every part of her aching heart couldn't accept it. She needed him… who would protect her now? Who would be there for her? Where did he think he's going and why couldn't he take her with him? He always did. They always did everything together. And then he was gone, just like that–

Honestly, she knew he wouldn't come back. She knew, but she didn't want to let go, not yet. She wasn't ready to do it.

And it was okay. Ellie could say it by the way their servants looked at her - so sympathetically. They hurt too. Perhaps not as much as she did, but they did in their own way. The only person who seemed to remain untouched was Lillian.

Even then, all she could think of was herself. She didn't display any kind of emotions. She wasn't sad or hurt and she didn't even try to pretend that she was.

"Will you finally pull yourself together?" Lillian growled, sipping on her drink, not even looking at Ellie "He won't come back. Ever."

Ellie frowned a little. There were a lot of things she could tell her mother, a lot of mean and hateful things. Though it didn't feel okay. It didn't feel like her, so she didn't. She held it all back, responding with simple "Why do you have to be like that?"

"Like what?" Lillian asked, looking at her manicured nails, acting the least bit interested in what her daughter actually had to say.

"Why can't you at least pretend that you care?"

"Don't be pathetic, Elizabeth."

Ellie sighed. There was no point in continuing the conversation. She wasn't pathetic. It wasn't pathetic. Feeling was a human thing, right?

A few days later a tall man dressed in black suit brought Elias' stuff from his clinic. They packed it all in a box. Over 20 years of his research, his work, his life - were enclosed in just one box. Leonard carried it to Elias' office and Ellie followed. She needed answers that no one wanted to give her, so she hoped she'd actually find something in the box. And she did. Her father left her a note–

Seemingly nothing had changed. Her body was still susceptible to pain, still breakable. It had to eat and breathe air and sleep. It still shuddered, as it had shuddered before. She still had to learn and she did, as she had done before. Life was going on, its usual way. Nothing changed - and yet everything was different. People, manners, course of boundaries. And amid it all her soul traipsed elusively. It disappeared, then came back, drew nearer and moved away from reality. She hurt, she cried. Feeling like an alien - at times certain, at others uncertain of her own existence. Trapped in her own grief and pain.

Ellie had been raised in a box - her father's castle, a perfect world he created just for her. But life was more than that. Life was different and not at all perfect. In truth it seemed to be far more unfriendly and sinister than she may have expected. She found herself lost in the new reality. The reality without her father. The world she knew had been shattered, completely destroyed. And learning to live all over again wasn't all that easy, but she was strong. Elias taught her how to be strong and she knew she could face all the obstacles. She had to - for him.

She was born into this goddamn family and that was the only thing she couldn't change. Though all the rest, everything else depended on her. He hadn't taught her all the things she knew without a reason…

"In life there are only two permanent things - happiness and existential pain. Life likes to gratify and hurt. It's a venom that heals and a rose that pricks. At times it's pretty good, although sometimes it's quite bad. And future matters are unforeseeable…" Elias' note said.

And so despite the pain she still believed there was more good than bad in life. She just had to look hard enough - like her father said.

[britishboystm]

It’s Always Been You (Tom Blake Smut)

warnings: angst, smut, death

word count: 4,723

a/n: I can’t believe this is the first time I’ve written for Tom

•••

Tom had always been a good friend. His family did cherries and yours did apples.

Before the two of you were born, your fathers went into business together and shared a booth at the Saturday market in your town. Both your mothers were thick as thieves and had gotten pregnant around the same time, and you were born a month after Tom. It was safe to say you were never going to leave each other’s sides.

You did everything together, well until your father became worried that you were becoming too much like a boy by spending so much time with Tom. You’d fondly remember the times the two of you would go down to the river and stand in the water up to your knees trying to see who could catch the most tadpoles. The two of you would usually come back to yours or his farm around dinner time covered in mud and dirt up your waist. Your mother always complained that she couldn’t see your pretty face due to the muck that was often smeared on it. Because of all this you ended up being sent to a private girls school a few miles south, where you weren’t allowed to see Tom unless it was Christmas.

You secretly wrote to one another though during your time at boarding school and when his father passed away from pneumonia you were his only real support system other than his brother. His mother went into a bad depression after his father's death so he was left to grieve his father's passing alone.

Once your learning was finished, you did not hesitate to come home and help on Tom’s farm again. Tom’s mother would pay you to pick cherries since your father had sold his orchard.

But things had changed when you came home. Tom was no longer the little chubby boy who you could mess around with and make mud pies and pretend to eat with. His hair had darkened and his shoulders had broadened. Not to mention he now towered you. He was a man. And a handsome man at that. You never noticed that about him before.

The glances you shared now didn’t hold the same innocence it once did. There was something different in his chilly blue irises. His gaze would last a little too long when you would bend over to pick up the barrels of cherries and whenever the two of you rinsed them by the big well, he always found a way to sneak a small graze of your hand so you wouldn’t forget he was there beside you.

But those flirtatious moments didn’t last forever when war was declared in Britain. Almost immediately, Joe was sent off to fight for king and country. Tom didn’t need to but because Tom had to always be the same as Joe or one up him, he had kept saying he was going to enlist as well. You didn’t take it seriously until one day Tom came running down the driveway to meet you and his mom, who were depitting the last batch of the season.

“I did it, I did it!” You frowned in confusion at his obvious excitement as he hopped around with a letter in hand. His mother grabbed the letter from him quite quickly and nearly fainted after reading the first two lines. The two of you quickly grabbed her and called it a night, bringing her into the house.

His mother was in shambles and was now seated on the couch while she sobbed into her hands. She didn’t even have the desire to cook dinner. That’s when you knew things were bad.

“What did you do?” You say to Tom as he sorrowfully watched his mom cry.

“I enlisted, I’m leaving next week to fight in France.” It was now your turn to almost faint as you grab the kitchen table beside you.

“Have you gone mad?” You breathe out as you take a seat to steady yourself.

“No I haven’t. If Joe can do it so can I!” His voice raised in anger as he crossed his arms over his chest, obviously upset at the double standards that were set for him and his older brother.

“That is not what this is about Tom. Joe is gone, there is nothing we can do about that. But you? It was so easily avoidable but you’ve gone and ruined everything. How selfish can you be? Who will your mother have if both you and Joe don’t return home? Who will I have?” You begin to choke up near the end and let a single tear slip down your cheek.

Tom sighs and storms out of the kitchen, probably heading upstairs to freshen up while you prepare the dinner since Mrs. Blake clearly wasn’t well enough to.

You focused on making dinner as Mrs. Blake and Tom sat in the living room, not speaking to one another. What was there to say? Tom knew yours and his mother’s thoughts on it all and he was too stubborn to be convinced to not leave.

Once dinner was ready everyone sat at the table and ate quietly. Again no words were spoken and the tension was so thick amongst the three of you. None of you were able to finish due to the unsettling feeling you all shared so you finally gave up and collected the half eaten dishes and placed them into the sink.

“I’m going to bed. Goodnight.” Mrs Blake said as she slowly got up and weakly walked up the stairs to her room. She looked so frail and worn out that it made you even more mad at Tom for the pain he was already causing.

You stood at the sink and faced away from Tom as he stayed put at the table. The only sounds that filled the room was the clashing of dirty plates and running water.

This was all such a mess.

———-

Later that night you found yourself sitting on the haystack in the Blake barn with the doors wide open as you stared out at the navy night sky. Stars adorned the sky. They continued to shimmer, unaware of the fact that your world was falling apart at the seams. Funny how time and space works, you thought. So many other thoughts rattled around your brain, all of them making you want to cry.

You were so deeply focused on your little world that you didn’t initially hear Tom walk in.

“Couldn’t sleep either huh?” He said before walking up and taking a seat beside you on the hay.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.” You don’t respond but rather stare out into nothing with an emotionless expression.

“The least you can do is talk to me.” He says, nudging you lightly to lighten the mood.

“I wanted to marry you.” You blurt out of nowhere in a montone way. There was a good chance he was never coming home so at this point you felt as though you had nothing to lose.

He bowed his head in shame and twiddled his thumbs, clearly trying to absorb this big bombshell.

“Really?” He says finally looking at you and trying to hide his excitement.

“Yeah but at this point it’s foolish to think like that, considering I may never see you again.” You finally look at him with hurt in your eyes which he matches almost immediately.

“Y/N I-“ He tries to say something but you are quick to cut him off.

“Why is this so important to you?” He sighs and runs a hand through his hair before getting more comfortable in his spot.

“I don’t know. I feel as though I have lived my entire life being the lesser of the two brothers. Joe has always been the golden child that I wanted to prove myself. That I can be courageous and brave just like him.” You bite your lip from saying anything that may hurt him. It made sense why he would do this but you still hated the idea.

“Aren’t you afraid?”

“Of course I am. I’m scared shitless. But I’ve been scared shitless my entire life.” You sigh and the two of you sit in silence for a while, nothing but the sound of crickets and the warm night breeze floating by.

“Promise you won’t laugh?” He says out of the blue, rubbing his neck in embarrassment. You nod in return, silently telling him there is no reason to feel judged by you.

“There is one more thing I’m scared of.”

“And what’s that?”

“I shouldn’t say. It’s so bloody embarrassing.”

“What? No! You have to tell me now! That isn’t fair!”

“Okay fine.” He sighs.

“Spit it out then.” You say with an urgency to your voice.

“I’m scared of dying a virgin.” Your eyes go wide and you look over to him to see if he is joking or not. When you see him looking down at his lap shamefully, a blush creeps upon your face. You had never really discussed those things before. Especially with him.

Girls talked about it when you were in private school but you didn’t usually have anything to contribute.

“Oh.” Is all that you are able to get out.

“I’m sorry, I should have just kept that to myself. Forget I said anything.” He begins to ramble, clearly trying to backtrack on his last comment.

“There is no reason to feel ashamed of those type of things Thomas. Those are normal worries people have.”

“You think so?” He says hopefully.

“Of course. I also get scared by the idea of never being able to feel that way with someone. It’s natural.” It was now his turn to blush. Oh to be the one to make you feel that way, he thought.

“Tom?” You finally say, bracing yourself for his response.

“Yes?” He says back.

“You know. If we both share this fear, we could always… get rid of it together.” He is speechless and his jaw drops as he stares at your nervous expression.

“Do you really want to?” He finally gets out.

“Well, we know each other and we are good friends. I also feel very comfortable with you which is important.”

“Right but we aren’t married.”

“At this point Tom I don’t really care about that. I need to vent all of these emotions somehow.”

“Oh.”

“What?”

“So that’s what this is about. You want to fuck out your feelings because I’m leaving?” He seemed a little hurt by this. Like this was simply an impulse or an itch that was aching to be scratched. That was part of it but it was mostly the fact that you’ve wanted him to be your first the minute you returned home and saw just how much of man he had become. You loved him and he was now giving you a free pass to finally fulfill your desires.

“No, Tom that is not it. I want to lose my virginity and to be quite honest, I couldn’t think of anyone else I would want to lose it to.”

“Really?” A cocky smirk came upon his lips as he leaned in and nudged you slightly. You rolled your eyes in response and scoffed.

“Okay you don’t need to get all cocky about it.” He laughed before trying to start something by catching your gaze in his.

And with no warning Tom pounced on you and began kissing your neck roughly which caught you off guard.

“Tom get off! What are you doing?” You squeal as you push him away.

“What? I thought you said you wanted to lose your virginity to me. I leave next week remember?” Your glare is piercing as you stood up.

“I didn’t mean here at this very moment! God can you at least give me a warning before you try and pull something like that?” He falls back a bit onto the hay bale with an exasperated sigh, running his hands through his hair in frustration.

“Sorry.” He says realizing his wrong doing. You weren’t just an inanimate object that could just be used whenever. Contrary to what your father always believed, you were a person of integrity and if you needed time, then by god you were doing to get the respect you deserved.

“I think I will go to bed now.” Your words are soft as you turn around and hesitantly head out into the vast land of the Blake farm. You couldn’t help but look back to see Tom sitting there, embarrassed. Millions of thoughts swam around but one kept finding itself coming back again and again. That specific feeling that came whenever Tom did chores around the barn that made his muscles flex was coming back and even though you had just rejected him, the feeling was growing more and more.

“Fuck it.” You say under your breath before you quickly turn around and plop down onto his waist in a straddle, causing him to let out a groan at the sudden impact.

He looks at you in confusion, and right before he could say another word you quickly attach your lips to his. The kiss was aggressive and feverish as your hands threaded through his hair, gripping it tightly to get him to part his lips. As a result he let out a small gasp at your fingers tugging at his roots and your tongue swirling around his mouth. This was your first ever kiss and soon to be first ever time so you weren’t going to hold back. Not if it was with Tom.

Everything felt so right in that moment. Just two nineteen year olds using the last bit of time together before probable tragedy. You had a gut feeling that Tom was never going to walk up that long gravel driveway ever again. You shooed those horrid thoughts away.

“Tom.” You sigh against his plush lips. He pulls away and intently looks into your eyes, worry evident on his face.

“Did I do something wrong?” He asked. You couldn’t help but giggle at his puppy like demeanour.

“Of course not. You are being so kind Tom.”

Your gaze then suddenly becomes transfixed with his white button shirt. Then without a second thought your hands grazed up and down his covered chest before you began to unbutton the first three, exposing his sternum. You look up to see him intensely watching your actions, his breathing beginning to increase.

“Are you sure Y/N?” He says while his hands run up and down the sides of your basic grey dress.

“Only if you are.” You whisper back. Taking this as affirmation he flips you around and lays you gently on the cushiony yet scratchy hay that held the both of you off of the dirty ground of the barn.

“You know I have always, thought, you were, so beautiful.” He says in between kisses along your face. You smile softly at his words and sigh, allowing yourself to fall deeper into the hay.

“Thomas Blake you always knew how to make a girl blush.” He chuckles at this and stops kissing you, holding himself up above your body.

“You remember the time your parents invited the Darby’s to Christmas Dinner. How it was your first year back from St. Clares and because they were the richest family in town, your parents tried to set you up with their son Richard?” You roll your eyes.

“Tom what does this have to do with us having sex right now?” You were growing slightly impatient.

“Wait, let me finish love.” You sigh and shift slightly to grow more comfortable. This may take some time, you thought.

“I remember I was so mad because your parents wouldn’t let me play with you. They basically threw you to Richard and I had to watch them try to play matchmaker. At the time I believed that I was angry because I wasn’t allowed to play with my best friend since you had been away for so long. But years later I looked back at that moment and I realized that I was jealous. Jealous at the fact that you were paying all of your attention to Richard and not me. Of course your parents made you but I remember making Richard my sworn enemy that day. Stupid huh?” You smile and run a hand down his cheek.

“No not at all. I can’t believe you remember that.” His words made you think for a moment. He had been in love with you for so long and you didn’t even notice.

“Tom?” You ask.

“Yes Y/N?” Your body almost turned to jelly at his readiness to do anything for you. The adoration was so obvious that “in love” could easily be stamped on the slightly older boy's forehead.

“Would it be crazy to say I am, whole heartedly, absolutely, in love with you Thomas Blake?”

“No it wouldn’t.” He laughed.

“And would I be absolutely mad to say that I am, insanely, crazily, in love with you Y/N L/N?” You shake your head with a smile and with that he leans in once more and continues the eventful night with a loving yet lustful kiss.

His hands begin to have a mind of their own as they roam your body. After exploring most of your many curves, his left hand slowly made its way under your dress, lifting it slightly and beginning to touch you over your knickers.

“Oh my.” You gasp out as he places a tad bit of pressure on your clit.

“How are you feeling?” He asks, watching your reactions intently.

“Very tingling, ve-very g-good.” You try to get out in between gasps. He smirks proudly at this and begins creating circles against the fabric that covers your centre.

“Off. Off Tom, please.” You slightly beg. Wanting to make you feel good, Tom begins to slide your knickers down your legs and chucks them off to the side.

“Can I see?” He asks sheepishly. You curve your neck so you can see him down between your legs.

“Yes.” You respond. With a steady hand, Tom lifts your dress, dropping it up around your waist and groans at the sight of your exposed, glistening cunt.

“Wow.” Is all he can say.

“Tom!” You whine, unable to bear the throbbing feeling between your thighs.

“Sorry, just got distracted.” He mutters. Tom then leans in and lets out a hot breath. Your legs clench at this and Tom becomes aware with just how sensitive you really are.

“I’m going to kiss you here. Is that alright darling?” You nod weakly and with that his lips attach to your centre. A moan is drawn out of you almost instantly.

“Fuck. This cannot be your first time.” You blurt out, clutching his hair. He smirks against you before he sits up again and places a long kiss on your awaiting lips.

“Just you darling. It’s always been you.” You giggle in response and wrap your arms around his neck and pull him flush against you.

“Y/N I don’t know how much longer I can last without putting my cock in you.” He spurts out in pent up frustration.

“Charming words there.” you scoff before he begins to unbutton his dirty work slack and push them down his legs.

“Can I unlace you’re-“ you sit up, already knowing what he is about to say. Your hands swing to the back of your dress and you quickly begin to unravel the back, letting it fall off your upper body. Your breasts were perked to the air from outside.

“Christ.” He says before leaning down and taking one breast into his mouth. He is slow and gentle with his actions, clearly showing you how important this moment was for him. With small mewls leaving your lips every once in a while, you ran your fingers through his hair again. This time you made sure to be more soft on his scalp.

“I’m ready, are you?” He whispers as he moves his mouth up to your jaw, hands still caressing your bosom. You nod slowly which makes him smile. It was finally going to happen.

He brings himself up again and places his hands on either side of your head.

You take a moment to take in his member. The only time you had seen one was when you snuck an anatomy book from the library when you were in school. Seeing one in real life was a whole new experience

He notices your stare and smirks.

“Everything alright?” He asks.

“I don’t know. It’s so different from the books. This is all so new to me.”

“It’s alright darling. We will learn together.” You nod in response and before you knew it, he was beginning to insert himself into you.

The feeling was so forgein and awkward that you had to smack him to stop.

“Ow fuck, Tom stop!” He quickly removes himself and holds you into his chest.

“Are you alright? Did I hurt you?” You grab him tighter in thanks and lean away a tad to look at his concerned face.

“It feels so tight. Could you maybe use your fingers first?” He nods and slips a hand down your dress again. One finger is dipped inside and you let out a sigh of relief. This was a lot easier to manage, you thought.

“Oh Thomas that feels so good.” You say. He smiles and takes your praise to allow himself to enter a second finger. Your legs clench a tad as he moves his fingers in and out, every once in a while, spreading your increased wetness along your slit.

“I think I’m ready now.” You say. It didn’t take much for him to remove his fingers and lick off your wetness. Then he positioned himself the same way he did not that long before. His member slipped into you and this time around it felt a lot less uncomfortable. It still caused a pressure but not enough for you to scream bloody murder.

“Should I move?” He asks. You were doing it. This was no longer a dream or a fantasy. Thomas Blake was staring down at you with his cock inside at the hilt.

“God yes.” You moan while throwing your head back and closing your eyes. Tom began retracting his hip and then swirled them around before pushing forward again.

“Fuck me.” He cries out.

“I’m so happy we did this.” He says. You grip his shirt and open up the rest of the buttons, allowing the rest of his torso to be revealed to you. Your hands ran up and down his chest and soft stomach.

“Slow down.” You whisper gently. He nods and his movements start to calm. His eyes are entranced by yours and you can’t help but notice tears in his eyes.

“Are you crying?” You ask.

“I’m going to miss you so much.” He whimpers back, as he continues to move back and forth within you. Tears began brimming your eyes and as you both let tears fall through your orgasms, you pulled him flush against you.

“Come home to me.” You kept repeating.

“I promise.” He would say back with as much of a clear voice he could muster up.

And with that your legs begin to shake and you let out an elongated moan. His seed spills deep inside of you and as he removes himself from your core you can't help but feel it drip down your inner thigh.

“I love you Thomas Blake.”

“I love you Y/N L/N.”

———

You stared blankly out the kitchen window as you dried off the plates from lunch. The sky was a gloomy grey but no rain fell. Mrs Blake sat silently in the living room, knitting a small bonet with yellow yarn.

Your mind was somewhere else that you hadn’t initially noticed a car pull up and a soldier stepping out, letter in hand.

The plate you had been drying crashes in the soapy water beneath you and you quickly dry your hands on your apron as you attempt to run out the front door.

“Mrs Blake?” The man asks as you open the door rather frantically.

“No but she’s in. Iris!” You call out. She walks slowly from her chair and situates herself beside you.

“I’m Mrs Blake.” Her words were shaky. It was almost as though she knew exactly what was about to come out of the man's mouth.

“We regret to inform you that Thomas Blake was killed in action on April 6th. His belongings will be sent to you in the next couple of weeks. We are sorry for your loss and the rest of the information given will be found in this letter.” And with that the man looked down at your stomach and sighed with sorrow before handing over the letter and walking back to the car.

Your legs went numb instantly. The only sounds you could make were loud gut wrenching sobs. You clenched your stomach as you held onto the door frame for support.

“He’s gone Iris! My beautiful Tom is gone!” She grabbed you and mixed your sobs with hers. Myrtle and the puppies were now at your feet, grazing your calves in a calming matter, almost as though they had known what had happened.

“My boy!” She lets out.

“My baby boy!”

————

Dear Y/N,

I can safely say that this is one of the hardest letters I have ever had to write. I am sure you have gotten the news before this gets to you so I want to say that I am so sorry for your loss. Tom was nothing but a good, selfless man who cared for others so deeply. Before he died, his only wish was that I wrote to you and his mother. He talked about you every chance he could. The stories from when the two of you were little, how you were the most beautiful being that he had ever seen. How him replaying your laugh in his head was the only way to get him to sleep at night when things were tough here in the trenches. He didn’t die in vain. He died knowing that he fulfilled his duty of loving you each waking moment, even if it saddened him he couldn’t do it alive for much longer.

I remember his last words to me so very clearly.

“Tell my beautiful Y/N I love her. That I will always be with her.”

He handed me this picture of the two of you together. There is some blood on it but he would have wanted you to have it nevertheless. I hope this gives you peace during these trying times and god bless Y/N.

Sincerely,

William Schofield

“Mommy, mommy look!” A small voice calls out. You drop the letter and picture of you and Tom staring longingly at each other that you had read and looked at so many times before to see your son holding a small pool of water in his hands.

“What do you have there?” You call out. He then runs up from the river and drops down beside you under the willow tree you were situated at.

“I caught a tadpole!” He says proudly.

“That’s amazing Thomas!” He smiles at your encouraging words before running back down to the water. You watched him intently as he giggled in entertainment. Sometimes you had to let out steady breaths to stop yourself from crying. He was truly the spitting image of his father, a mini Tom if you will. The icy blue eyes and the chocolate wavy hair gave him away so easily. It pained you so much to wake up and see your Tom in him every day, but it was also a blessing in disguise. Even though Tom was no longer around, he had left you a gift that you could never thank him enough for. Tom Jr was so sweet and kind and loved making friends with everyone he came across, just like his father. He was your support system and you both adored each other. He was your best friend.

And for that, you were internally grateful to Mr. Thomas Blake.

[thesaltysocialworker]

A Thousand Years

So my cold turned into bronchitis. I’ve still been fighting off the plague but I’m starting to feel a little better. I figured in these trying times, we needed some fluff to take our minds off of everything. I hope everyone is staying safe and healthy! <3

A Thousand Years

Warnings: Implied sex, otherwise shameless wedding fluff.

Word Count: 1,773

“You asked me when I knew I loved you, and you took my silence as an insult. The problem, my love, is that there isn’t an exact moment when I knew I loved you. I love you with a depth and passion that at times, has frightened me. I’ve never felt anything like what I felt for you. You consume every moment of my waking (and sleeping) thoughts.”

“You look absolutely stunning, y/n.”

             Natasha and Wanda assisted you with the finishing touches and fanned out your wedding dress as you stared at your own image in the mirror. As a member of the Avengers, it wasn’t often that you got ‘glammed up’ or even felt like doing so but on your wedding day there had been no expense spared. “We forgot something.” Wanda smiled, clicking open a large velvet box. Inside on dark velvet rest a beautiful yet extravagant diamond and emerald necklace, set in gold. It was almost gaudy, and you had to sigh. Typical Loki, always wanting the world to know whom you belong too. “A gift from your groom.” Wanda offered you an envelope, your name scrawled in Loki’s elegant script on it. Natasha and Wanda left you alone for a few moments of silence and reflection, something that had been noticeably absent the last few weeks of wedding planning.

             You sat down on the end of your bed, the gown bunching around your feet as you took a deep breath and opened the envelope. You were mentally trying to prepare yourself not to cry, not to ruin the make-up that you would never be able to fix.

My Queen,

         If you’re reading this, we’ve made it to our wedding day without murdering each other over place settings, cake flavors, or whether or not we should’ve just eloped. According to Stark, this is quite an accomplishment. But we both know that our guests will enjoy our chocolate cake as opposed to that horrible red velvet monstrosity you picked out.

         You’ve asked me practically a million times these last few weeks if I still wanted to marry you, as if that has ever been a question. You asked me when I knew I loved you, and you took my silence as an insult. The problem, my love, is that there isn’t an exact moment when I knew I loved you. I love you with a depth and passion that at times, has frightened me. I’ve never felt anything like what I felt for you. You consume every moment of my waking (and sleeping) thoughts.  

There have been countless times in our time together when I didn’t think I could love you more, and then, I did. If it astounds you, it astounds me more. I could give you endless compliments; you are beautiful, you are witty and intelligent. You are kind and thoughtful. But it wasn’t until recently that I realized that you are more than those things. You are my home. My whole life, I’ve never felt at home; whether it was on Midgard or Asgard. What you made me realize was that home is not a place; it’s a person. You are my person, you are my home.

In the box that your Bridesmaids left you is one of my few treasures that I managed to save from Asgard that belonged to my Mother. I had hoped you would wear it tonight, because selfishly, I miss her and I feel it would keep her with us on this evening that I so very much wish she could’ve witnessed with her own eyes. There is also one more gift in this box that perhaps you may wish to not utilize this evening. But the thought of spending any part of my lifetime without you it too much for me to bear. I am a selfish, jealous cad when it comes to you and our time together. I do not deny this.

I’ll see you soon, my love. I’ll be the one in the Asgardian armor waiting at the end of the aisle for you.  

Yours for the eternal,

                                        Loki

You sniffed, fighting back tears. You turned your focus to the box and flipped it over, wondering what his other gift was. When the tipped it upside down the velvet liner slipped out and an apple fell at your feet. But it was no ordinary apple, it was gold. You picked it up, turning it over your hands. It took you a moment of reflection to remember what exactly it was.

It came back to you, when you had first started dating and you’d spend the night together Loki would tell you about Asgardian lore when neither of you could sleep. “The golden apple of Idunn.” You whispered, holding it in both hands in disbelief. Where did he get it, how did he get it? You knew the questions were in vain; Loki wouldn’t tell you and he had his ways of acquiring what he wanted. You knew what this meant, he had gifted you with immortality. He had offered you the opportunity to become a Goddess. Did you do it now? Did it have side effects that would make it impossible for you to walk down that aisle? Would people be able to tell the difference?   Most importantly, would you give up your mortality and one day, lose everyone else whom had ever mattered to you to their eventual death?

             “Y/n?!” There was a knock at the door, and you nearly dropped the apple. It was Natasha knocking at the door. “It’s time, are you ready?” She called, you set the apple down on the end of your bed and clipped the necklace around your neck. “Yes, just one moment.” You heard Wanda jokingly say something about it being your show and you could show up anytime you wanted too. You adjusted your veil, and then lifted the apple again. You had to make a decision, you wanted to at least be able to give Loki your answer. You needed to make a decision, and you needed to do it now.

            “For norn’s sake, Thor. Stop crying.” Loki sneered at his brother, but he did manage to do so with a smile still glued to his face as they stood before their audience waiting for the bride and her party. Loki clutched his hands tightly, not making eye contact with any of the many Avengers and other freaks of the Universe that had been invited to this wedding. He was too busy listening to his brother sniffling beside him. “I never thought you’d get married, Loki. I’ve never seen you so happy. I’m so happy for you, brother.” Stark, who had been sitting in the front row beside his own wife, snickered about being happy.

           Loki was starting to panic, thinking you’d decide to run. He felt himself sweating in the humid summer air, there wasn’t a breeze in the canopy tent they were under. Did you have second thoughts? Especially after being presented with the chance to have immortality? The photographer had bent down beside Loki to get a photograph of him and he was about to lose his mind and push him away due to sheer feeling of doubt. This was Starks fault! They should’ve went to that place in the desert you’d mentioned, what was it called; Vegas?! It was sounding better every moment…

         Then the music started, classical music floating over the audience as they all turned to look down the aisle.  Loki’s eyes fixated there, waiting for you.         

        Natasha came down the aisle first in an emerald green gown, and Loki couldn’t help but notice that she winked at Banner as she came to stand at his side. Then Wanda came down the aisle smiling. There was a coo from the audience as Morgan Stark smiled and skipped her way down the aisle throwing out flower petals. Everyone was so caught stuck on Morgan that no one noticed you lingering at the back of the tent, except Loki. When his eyes fell on you for the first time, he brought a hand to his mouth to bite back tears.

       Had he not been so focused on you, he might’ve cared what everyone else thought. But his eyes had locked on yours, and you were radiant. You were glowing… and then he practically felt the change. You were immortal. It felt like more of a commitment to him than when he had fallen down on one knee and slipped that ring on your finger. You had committed your eternity to him. Thor was blubbering again, and everyone else was focused on his reaction that they didn’t notice the change—yet. You took his hand when you stopped at the hand of the aisle. “Hi.” You whispered, your voice shaky as you met his eyes. “I thought you’d had second thoughts.” He whispered, causing a small smile to grace your features. “Never. Never ever.”

“I think they used our wedding as an excuse to have a party.”

             The cake had been cut, the bouquet had been tossed and caught by Natasha (whom had truthfully intimidated the other single women there and fought for it). Now everyone was splitting off; some were going home for the evening, others were on the dance floor. “Stark certainly loves to throw parties. It’s probably why he was so helpful with the wedding planning.” Loki added, offering you a hand. You took it, moving with him across the dewy grass towards the lake. “Was it what you wanted for your wedding, y/n? I hope you’re happy.” Loki whispered, pausing as the two of you stood before the lake gazing at each other. “If I ever had such a rich fantasy life as a child it would’ve been everything I wanted. I married a God in front of the Avengers.” You teased, grinning from ear-to-ear.

             “And now, you are a Goddess.” Loki grinned, feeling as though a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He had always been afraid of you mortal disposition. Mortals were susceptible to so many disease and illnesses, and when the two of you were fighting alongside each other he was always afraid of you being injured. But most importantly, he was happy that he wouldn’t have to fear losing you in what would’ve felt like mere minutes to him. Any amount of time he spent with you was never enough.

             “You always said you were afraid you would hurt me if you lost control. What about now?” You asked, a coy grin on your features as you tried to tempt him away from the party and into the start of your honeymoon. “No, love. I cannot hurt you anymore.” He grinned, lifting you in his arms. He carried you back through the tent and right through the center of the dance floor as people clapped and cheered, some yelling lewd suggestive things that the two of ignored because they were probably true. You were looking forward to spending your first night with your husband.

Please consider supporting the starving artist/social worker if you’re able. :)

[quickspinner]

Day 8 - Discord

What a note to end on, sheesh...Hope everyone’s enjoyed these little pieces. The notes and comments helped keep me sane this week. I’d like to do some of the December prompts, and I will probably have at least one, but I also want to make some progress on the bigger projects, so it’ll probably be spotty. A week is easy to commit to, a month (a very busy month) is a little harder, so we’ll see.

“But...but Luka,” Rose’s hands flew to cover her mouth. “You can’t quit the band! You can’t do that to us!”

“I’m not quitting,” Luka said calmly, shrugging. “I’m not doing anything to you. I’m just telling you, I won’t play with her.”

The other members of Kitty Section stared at him incredulously. He looked back impassively. 

“Luka,” Marinette said quietly from his elbow, tugging on his sleeve. “Don’t do this, it’s not worth it.”

“Yes, it is,” Luka replied, the slightest bit of an edge coming into his tone. “You’re worth it.”

“I don’t want to cause trouble,” Marinette began, and he made a sharp gesture, cutting her off.

“You’re not. I am.” He looked at his sister. “I won’t do it, Jules. She’s a liar and a manipulator and I won’t play with her. So you guys enjoy your rehearsal. I’m sure she won’t have any trouble getting you a replacement. Jules can play lead until then. You’ll miss having a bass, but like I said, someone with Lila’s connections should be able to get you a replacement pretty quickly.”

“But we have gigs already lined up!” Juleka cried, and Luka flinched, but he didn’t back down.

“I can play them with you, or you can have her and play them without me,” he repeated.

“I can’t believe you’re being so selfish.” Juleka stamped her foot, head down, staring at the deck with her fists clenched like she was a little girl again. “We all want Lila to be part of the band.” She gestured at the rest of Kitty Section, who all looked uncomfortable but were all nodding along.

“Okay,” Luka said, turning away. “Then it’s decided. Lila’s in, and I’m out. Come on, Marinette, I’ll walk you home.”

“Marinette!” Juleka cried, and Marinette’s shoulders hunched in. “What did you tell him? You can’t have both of them, you have to make up your mind! You can’t be mad that Lila likes Adrien and then be jealous that she’s spending time with Luka.”

“She’s not spending time with me,” Luka interjected coldly, his back still to them. “Ever. And Marinette hasn’t said a word. I have ears and eyes of my own. Here you’re all fighting for her, and where is she? She says she wants to join the band but she doesn’t even come to practice. I’ve met her type before, long on promises and short on delivery.” He half turned to look Juleka in the eye. “So have you.”

Juleka went pale, and Luka turned away again. “Have a good practice,” he said, putting arm around Marinette’s shoulders and propelling her along with him toward the gangplank.

Marinette wasn’t sure he actually breathed again until they were off the boat. “You didn’t have to do that,” she ventured. “You love being in Kitty Section.”

Luka shrugged one shoulder, his face still hard. “I did, but I can find another band. I’m not playing with that--” he started to say snake but changed his mind, “--liar, after what she did to you. I don’t care if Juleka believes in her bullshit disease story, which is ridiculous by the way. Even if she didn’t do what she did on purpose, which I don’t believe for a minute, she’s clearly not somebody we can trust. I’m not interested in making music that isn’t sincere or authentic. ”

Marinette sighed. “Luka, please say you aren’t doing this just because of me. You’re losing your friends and damaging your relationship with your sister for what? Not for me, Luka.”

Luka turned and took hold of her shoulders. “Yes, for you. You’re worth it, and you’re right. I’m not going to stand there and watch Juleka get played and do nothing. Do you really believe that Lila has any desire--or ability, for that matter--to play with Kitty Section?” 

Marinette bit her lip, and shook her head.

“Neither do I,” Luka said, releasing her shoulders and taking her hand as they started walking again. “If she had, she’d have shown up for practice. Juleka didn’t bring it up to me until this week but I’ve heard her on the phone, I know she’s invited Lila before, and every time there’s an excuse why she can’t come. If she really wanted to play she would make a commitment to practice, and if she can’t do it, then she can’t be in the band anyway. We can’t play if we can’t rehearse, it’s why Adrien can’t be part of the band. Why would we give his spot to someone else with the same problem?” He shook his head. “I’m getting off track; there’s no point in laying out the logical reasons why she can’t be part of the band. I wouldn’t play with her if she came to practice religiously, and played better than Jagged. I won’t play with someone who’s hurting you, and don’t tell me she’s not.”

“I don’t...I don’t understand,” Marinette said, turning huge eyes up at him. “You don’t have anything but my word--”

Luka looked back at her with a soft expression and squeezed her hands. “That’s all I need.” He sighed. “It should be all Juleka needs, too. I thought she was smarter than this.”

“Lila says she tells people what they want to hear,” Marinette replied listlessly. 

“And she probably moves often enough that by the time her lies collapse around her, she’s gone,” Luka mused. “I don’t really understand why she targeted Kitty Section, though. I mean, promising to get meetings with producers and all that, I understand, but why claim she wants to be part of the band? What does she get out of it?”

“Probably this,” Marinette shrugged. “Or, I don’t know. She knows you’re important to me. Maybe she was hoping to get to you somehow, and since you’re not in school with us, this was the easiest way to do it. She said I would lose all my friends, after all, not just the ones I have class with.”

Luka stopped dead, looking at her. “Come again? She said what?”

Marinette shrank away slightly, but he still had a firm hold on her hand. “She said I was either with her or against her, and if I was against her that I would lose all my friends and end up all alone.”

Luka’s mouth pressed into a firm line. 

“S-so, you know,” Marinette shrugged. “This way, either she gets to you and gets under your skin just like everybody else, or else this happens,” she gestured vaguely back toward the boat. “And she can cry to everyone in class how I turned you against her and made Juleka choose between you and Lila, and would a good friend really do that?” Marinette sighed. “She’s a master at causing chaos and arguments. And she’s so insidious about it. She never outright says anything mean--not unless she’s got her target alone--she just implies.” 

Luka snorted. “She just tosses the golden apple and then laughs while Troy burns.”

Marinette gave him a surprised look, and Luka blushed. “We’re doing a mythology unit right now,” he muttered, running his fingers through his hair. “It’s true, though.” He tugged her hand lightly to start them walking again. “I’ll talk to Juleka, but I don’t know if she’ll listen. I’ll try to at least make her understand that I make my own decisions and--well, I can’t truthfully say it doesn’t have anything to do with you, but you didn’t convince me to do anything. It’s the best I can do.” He looked at her sympathetically. “I’m sorry if this causes you more trouble with your friends.”

Marinette looked up at him and then leaned into his arm, hugging it with her free hand. “I”m sorry this is happening, and I wish it wasn’t causing trouble between you and Juleka, I know how close you are. But...it feels nice to see someone else stand up to her. And if I’m going to get in trouble for it anyway, I might as well say that you’re right, she’s a liar and a sn--” she changed her mind too, “S-sleaze,” she stumbled, and Luka grinned. “And it’s about time someone called her on her crap. I didn’t want you anywhere near her and I can’t tell you how happy it makes me that you believe me.”

Luka squeezed her hand and leaned down and kissed the top of her head lightly, making her blush. “Well, I wish I could do more, but I think pretty much everybody knows at this point that I’m not exactly unbiased when it comes to you, so it’s not hard to write off my opinion. At least we can be in this together.”

[pastelbatfandoms]

Get to know My OC-Meghana

01. What does your character’s name mean? Did you pick it for the symbolism, or did you just like the way it sounded?  I actually looked up names that went with either Hercules or Megara and found Meghana,which is an Indian name that means Thunder. 

02. What is one of your character’s biggest insecurities? Are they able to hide it easily or can others easily exploit this weakness? Her biggest weakness is definitely her emotions and her powers are more dangerous when she’s emotional which makes them easier to exploit. 

03. What would be their favorite physical trait about themselves? Her natural beauty

04. What are their favorite traits about their lover? (one psychological and one physical)  

Hades- Meghana thought he was Charismatic,funny and cute when they first met,yes she knew he was The “Villain” of Olympus she just didn’t care. It was when he showed off his more intelligent and even gentler side that Megs started to fall in love with him.

Physically? I mean have you seen him? and I don’t mean his Blue skinned,monstrous side that everyone thought of. (not that she minded that) but his more human look but still godlike with the bright blue hair,piercing eyes,that magnetic smile and those muscles ♥♥

Harry Hook- Another one of her Lovers that has Charisma for days. Also being The Son of Captain Hook aka Killian Jones,Harry had a wild unpredictable side that Meghana loved. But Harry also had a Sensitive side that he showed to very few. 

Physically-Where to start?! Harry’s smile,that body,that hair,his killer dance moves,THAT ACCENT! 

05. Are they sexually confident or more of the shy type?  Confident,even when she was a Virgin lol

06. Do they have any hobbies that their lover finds unusual, odd, or otherwise annoying? No

07. Is there a catchphrase or sound that they tend to make a lot (likely without being aware of it)? 

08. What is, perhaps, their biggest flaw? Are they aware of this or oblivious to it?  Her Temper,But being with a band of Pirates they kinda embrace that. Her Impulsiveness,her stubbornness. 

09. Do they have a favorite season? What about a favorite holiday? Spring and Winter. They don’t really celebrate Holidays on The Isle. 

10. Is your character more feminine or masculine? Feminine but with God like strength 11. What is something that would make your character fly into a rage? Being left for someone else,being used. 

12. Is there some particular talent, skill, or attribute that they simply could not give up? Well she kind of had to give up her Powers while on The Isle. (At least The Darker ones.) But probably her Inner Strength. 

13. What are your character’s sleeping habits? Heavy or light sleeper? Blanket stealer? One that always rolls onto the floor? Pushes their lover onto the floor? Sleep talker or walker? Light sleeper,if she sleeps at all. Cannot sleep alone,but always looks like she’s sleeping peacefully. 

14. Do they live alone or with family? How do they feel about their family/roommates?  Meghana’s never truly been alone. First it was being born into a family of Gods,then getting sent to The Isle with Hades,then joining Uma’s Crew after Hades dumped her. 

15. Is there a certain person in this world that they cannot stand? The very mention of this person’s name makes them tremble with anger or fear.  Maleficent. But not out of fear.  16. Is your character the athletic type or more of a couch potato? What are some sports/games that they like? Her Father is The Hero/Demi God of Strength,what do you think? 17. Does your character have dreams of getting married and/or having children? Yes well Marriage anyway. 

18. What kind of home would they want to live in? Where would they place this abode?  Anyplace her loved ones are,she’s very adaptable. 

19. Would your character be the kind to get into fights? (physical or verbal) Would they be a good fighter or cave in rather easily?  Meghana can be peaceful until you push her buttons,being a student of Hades and on a Pirate Crew you better believe she has a Temper. Uma and Harry taught her how to fight without the use of her powers and she has become rather good at it. 

20. Does your character like animals? What are some of their favorite animals? Would they want pets? What about mythological creatures? Yes,her Favorite’s are Big Dogs and Horses. Her favorite Mythological creatures are Pegasi,Unicorns and Cerberus.  21. What is one of your character’s biggest fears? How would they react when dealing with this fear?  Well she’s already dealt with being Abandoned,I suppose her parents hating her and never being allowed back in Olympus. (Which doesn’t happen)

22. What kind of tattoos, piercings, birthmarks, freckles, and other such unique physical features do they have?  Besides her Godlike Beauty she doesn’t really have any other unique traits. But unlike most Greeks her hair is a Golden Red like her Fathers. (until she goes to the isle)

23. What is your character like when it comes to school? What subjects are they good/bad at? Do they get in trouble a lot or are well behaved? When Meghana was in School on Olympus she was a very good student. The Classes and School (which looked more like a Cathedral) were very different from Earth’s or even Auradon Prep. Meghana’s favorite were Music with The Muse Euterpe and Pegasus Riding with The Goddess Nike. 

24. In their own words, how would your character describe what their lover is like? I kinda already did....

25. Is there something traumatic from your character’s past that greatly affects them even to this day? Being sent to The Isle of The Lost by her Father and Zeus. 

26. What is their lover like sexually? How do they feel about their lover’s quirks, needs, etc?  Hades is a very demanding yet gentle lover. If there is something Meg is not comfortable with,which is few and far between he comes to realize,Hades won’t do it. But when he’s jealous that’s another matter entirely. Hades can also be especially Seductive and persuasive when he wants something. 

Harry is very Charming and Flirtatious,though he gets Jealous as well,although it more has to do with his insecurities more than anything. Harry is very dominating and passionate in bed,usually taking the lead,unless it’s a day where Meg feels more Dominant then Harry can become Submissive as hell. Harry also likes using his Hook as well but not in an Extreme BDSM way more of an Enticing,seductive way. 

27. If your character was going to get arrested, what would be the most likely reason for it? Using her Powers and going Evil like Audrey did. But Aurodon doesn’t really do arrests,more like Banishment. 

 2 8. If your character became a celebrity, what would they be famous for? Model or Olympics.

29. What is one of the most courageous things your character has ever done for a loved one?  

30. When it comes to the arts (music, film, theater, etc), what does your character like?  Greek Poetry,The Ballet,Musicals,Fine Art,Anything Opulent with a darker undertone,She also has a fondness for Dance Music and Black Metal. 31. Would your character be the kind capable of killing? Would they enjoy killing or only use it when necessary or, perhaps, refuse to kill no matter what? I think Meghana would only kill when Necessary,like if someone she loved was threatened or hurt,or if she was blinded by rage and betrayal. (like when Hades left her for Maleficent) 

32. If your character’s lover offered to take them out on a dream date, what would they want to do? A date with Hades would be a bit unusual,if still Gods,they would probably spend the majority of the time in The Underworld,then sneak up to the surface for a picnic. 

With Harry it would be a bit more daring,more going out at night on The Isle,teaching her how to sneak into places,teaching her how to sail and telling her about his adventures in Neverland when he was young. Causing a Ruckus wherever they went.

33. If your character wanted to be alone, where would they go? On Olympus it was to her favorite Water Fountain in The Nymph gardens,usually taking Pegasus along with her. There’s not much freedom on The Isle to be alone but at times she’ll go up to The Helm of The Ship or her Quarters for privacy. That’s usually only when she’s troubled though as she is the type to not like being on her own,especially on The Isle. 

34. Does your character have favorite foods? (breakfast, lunch, dinner, dessert, snacks, etc)  Grapes,Pomegranates,Apples,any fruit really as well as Bread. Though recently she has become fond of Sea Food. 

35. Is your character afraid of death? If they got to choose how to die, how would they want to go? Megs is a DemiGod so No,she knows what lies ahead and is even looking forward to it.

36. Does your character have any medical conditions? Are they serious or minor? Do they affect their day to day life? No

37. What are some of your character’s pet peeves? What are some things that annoy them or disgust them? Flirting,being Manipulated,Liars,Judgemental people (Villains and Heroes alike) 

38. What kind of weather does your character like? Cloudy skies, rainy days, sunshine, etc? The Isle is usually cloudy so she has gotten used to that. Sun or Rain is both fine with her,Megs doesn’t really have a preference.  39. When people look at your character, is there some assumption they might make about them just by appearance? Is that assumption correct? Snobby,Evil,Immortal (Contrary to popular belief Gods are not) Selfish,Reckless,Naive,,Mean. Yeah she really is none of those things,she can be a tad Selfish at times but that is not always a bad thing. Also Just because she is Friends/in love with Villains does NOT make her one.  40. Does your OC have any guilty pleasures they enjoy? Hobbies, past times, music, etc that they wouldn’t want known by others?  Well few Heroes know that she still dabbles in the dark arts every now and then,even sneaking a peak at Mal’s Spell Book once or twice. Other then that not really no.  41. Does your character’s family affect your character in any way? They used to and to some extent still do,since she is stuck on The Isle. 42. Is there anything in your character’s past that they regret, haunts them, or they wish they could change?  Maybe encouraging Audrey to become Evil,Meg didn’t do it on purpose only saying she knew where Audrey was coming from and how she felt,also if SHE had Maleficent’s Staff....Also not liking Mal on The Isle because of her Mother... 43. Does your character have a switch that changes aspects of their personality whether they are around friends, family, etc. Is there someone who gets to see their true self? Not really. I suppose she’s more on and Intimidating to those she doesn’t know.  44. Is there a particular event that would emotionally devastate your character? Losing Harry or any of her Friends on The Isle.  45. Is your character the kind to hide their true emotions or do they wear their heart on their sleeve? A bit of both. Though she has become more guarded as of late.

46. What is some random affectionate thing that your character always does to their lover? Meggie is The Queen of Affectionate gazes but on a more physical level,she does give her boys kisses on The Cheeks when she’s excited and neither Harry or Hades are averse to PDA. 47. Is your character outgoing? Would they be the leader of the friend group, or the quiet one that gets dragged along? Outgoing definitely. She started off as a bit more Introverted until she met Hades,but Megs has always had a Sassy,’I can take care of myself’ side just like her Mother.  48. Is there anything in particular that would ignite your character’s jealousy? Or does your character not get envious? Her Men flirting with someone else or being Flirted with. Which is a problem because both Hades and Harry are flirtatious by nature.  49. What is something that your character has nightmares about? Are these frequent? Do they heavily affect your character’s mood? Not so much anymore. But she has had to wake up or comfort Harry during a particularly bad night terror.  50. If your character confessed love to their crush, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc, what would they say? When Meghana first confessed her feelings to Hades,during an intimate moment,Hades was at first taken aback,he never told her he loved her,until they were broken up,but he always called her My Queen or My Love so Megs took that as the same thing. 

With Harry it was very mutual,though they were both cautious at first,Harry looked at her one day while with the crew and whispered “I think I’m in love with you.” Megs responded back in kind and they’ve been together ever since. 

[yuckydisgustings]

From Episode 32 of TAZ: Amnesty!

Transcript under the cut:

Aubrey: Hey, Janelle, could I have like five minutes with Dani?

Griffin: She smiles and looks over at Dani and then looks back at you and she says,

Janelle: I have some preparations to attend to.

Griffin: And she bows to you, and—

Aubrey: (indignantly) Janelle!

Griffin: -stands and walks out of the room, laughing. Dani started to make her way for the door, too, until she heard you talking to Janelle and saying that you wanted some time alone with her, and she says,

Dani: So does this mean you’re kind of a, you know, teacher’s pet? You get special privileges with Janelle, what’s the… what’s the situation?

Aubrey: I think it’s — I think it’s just very much like a kind of Stand and Deliver thing where I — I mean, I’ve never seen it, but I think I’m like the bad apple who the teacher sees potential in, kind of thing? That’s more my read on the situation? Um, you know, kind of the lovable ragamuffin. That kinda deal, I think that’s what’s up.

Griffin: She — she smiles when you say “lovable ragamuffin” and she says,

Dani: Yeah, I think that plays. Did you — what — did you need something?

Aubrey: Yeah, so, we have this big mission thing planned, uh, back to Sylvain tonight, and I’m probably gonna die. Um, so I just wanted to make sure — do you need, like, money to buy food for Dr. Bonkers? I dunno, do you have a job? Like, we’ve never talked about this before. How do you have money?

Griffin: She says,

Dani: Well, that’s a good question now, um... Mama kinda took care of that stuff for us with her, uh, artwork that she would commission from time to time, and, you know, the — the meager amounts of money she would make from guests staying at Amnesty Lodge. Um, but, yeah, I mean, that’s a pretty good question, Aubrey, and honestly? Um… I don’t think you’re gonna die.

Aubrey: Well…

Dani: I — I have to think that we’re gonna pull this off, but — and I know this is selfish, but like — what I can’t stop thinking about is... what happens next. If we — if we succeed, and you all save Sylvain, then we can all go home. Right?

Aubrey: Yeeees. Honestly, I haven’t thought that far ahead because I’m — uh, as I have just said — expecting to die. Um, we’ll see — I mean, here — listen — yeah? Sure. That’s as good a plan as any, I suppose.

Dani: But I don’t — that place hasn’t been my home for a long time, Aubrey. I don’t know what that word means anymore, as cliche as that sounds.

Aubrey: Alright, do you wanna move in together? Cause we could probably figure that out, I don’t know if now’s the time to have that discussion, but we could probably work that out.

Dani: I think now is maybe the perfect time to have that discussion, Aubrey. I need to have something to get me through what we’re about to do, and I think you do, too. And until today, I didn’t know what side of the gate I wanted to land on. And, I’ve been thinking about it and thinking about it and being stressed about it, which, like, honestly? Yeah, Aubrey, I’m counting my chickens a little bit. We have a planet-sized malevolent force to whip first, but… I… have realized… that… I feel… I feel like I am home when I’m around you, Aubrey, and I don’t mean that in a sentimental way, I literally mean it. You feel like home. So…

Aubrey: That’s nice! That is a — hey, Dani? That’s a very nice thing to say.

Griffin: She steps closer to you, and she says,

Dani: I mean it. Wherever you land, that’s where I’m landing, too.

Aubrey: Okay, well now I have to live! Okay? I was just — ugh. Now I have to make plans — I still haven’t done my taxes, you know what I mean? Cause I was expecting to die in Sylvain, now I’ve gotta do my taxes, and I’ve gotta live — ugh.

Griffin: She moves in and kisses you.

Travis: (smiling) Yeah. Aubrey kisses back.

Aubrey: Okay, fine. I will live. (Clint laughing) And we’ll go to IKEA, and we’ll get some new furniture, and we’ll move in — I don’t know — can you take IKEA furniture to Sylvain?

Dani: (laughing) I don’t really know what the customs process is between planets.

Griffin: She’s like, tearing up with joy, and she says,

Dani: I wish… I wish I could go with you out there, but…

Aubrey: But then who would take care of Dr. Harris Bonkers?

Dani: Yeah, and also Kirby and the rest of the knuckleheads around here—

Aubrey: Sure, but I mean… priorities.

Dani: (laughs) Things are gonna get pretty dangerous here, and I think the Cryptonomica defense force is gonna need all the help it can get, because… saving this place, it… it seems like the least I could do, for… for him.

Aubrey: Yeah, I… he would appreciate hearing that, and I will also tell you what he would tell you: if it comes down to it, save yourself. Just, do everything you can to protect everyone else, yes, absolutely! But, save yourself for two reasons, one: cause Ned knows how sad I would be if anything happened to you, and two: cause Ned died saving you, and he would not want that to go to waste. So like, protect the Cryptonomica for — yeah, yeah, absolutely, Ned would appreciate that. But also, keep your damn self alive, cause I’m sure Ned would appreciate that, too. And, while you’re at it, protect Dr. Harris Bonkers.

Griffin: She smiles and she gives you a hug and she walks for the door and she says,

Dani: Right back atcha.

Aubrey: Protect Dr. Harris Bonkers?

Dani: (smiling) No, the other thing.

Aubrey: Oh, right, protect myself, got it.

[interludcs]

          BENEDETTA   PORCAROLI   ,   CIS   FEMALE   ,   SHE   /   HER   →   according   to   the   school   records   ,   GIOVANNA   ELOISA   ARGENTI   has   been   attending   sacred   heart   for   the   past   two   years   .   i   last   saw   them   hanging   around   stan's   place   ;   i   think   they   were   tying   cherry   stems   into   knots   .   at   twenty   -   one   ,   gio   has   been   studying   classics   and   get   this   ,   i   heard   that   her   bloodline   has   long   been   cursed   to   succumb   to   inevitable   madness   and   it’s   been   the   cause   of   many   mysterious   deaths   in   the   family   already   —   figure   it’s   true   ?   everyone   around   here   always   associates   them   with   biting   into   an   apple   only   to   realize   it’s   rotten   ,   a   bloody   nose   dripping   onto   silk   stockings   ,   and   the   distorted   screech   of   a   violin   coming   from   another   room   .   in   the   time   since   these   strange   happenings   ,   they   have   encountered   unexplained   occurrences   .  

━  ˙ ˖  ☆     QUICK  STATS  !

full  name  :   giovanna   eloisa   argenti

nickname(s)  :   gio   ,   gigi   (   although   she   likes   to   think   she   outgrew   it  )

zodiac  :   scorpio   sun   ,   gemini   moon   (  click   !  )

sexuality  :   bisexual   .

occupation  :   student   &   heiress   .

birthplace  :   rome   ,   italy   .

current residence  :   sacred   heart   academy   . 

pinterest   :   (   click   !   )  

━  ˙ ˖  ☆     BACKSTORY  !  (   tw   :   depression   ,   murder   ,   suicide   &   drug   abuse   )

born   in   1953   to   one   of   the  wealthiest   families   in   italy   !   the   argenti's   posses   a   ridiculous  and   tbh   kinda   disgusting   fortune   because   of   their   distant   ties   to   the   old   italian   monarchy   ...   and   are   also   long   rumored   to   have   been   cursed   hundreds   of   years   ago   as   divine   punishment    for   the   sins   of   a   past    family   member   . 

the   family    has    a    long   and   gruesome   history   —   good   husbands   turning   into   killers   ,   more   than   one   argenti   woman    flinging   herself   off   one   of    the   many   balconies   in   the   family   estate   ,   children   who   hear   voices   in   the   night   .   more   often    than    people   care   to   count   ,   these   fits   of   madness   are   seemingly   inexplicable   .        

giovanna   was   born   on   chilly   autumn   night   .   she   would   be   her   mother’s   first   and   last   child   ,   but   lucianna   argenti   saw   her   baby   girl   as   anything   but   a   miracle   .   when   she   was   only   five   months   old   ,   a   nanny   discovered   the   woman   trying   to   drown   giovanna   in   the   bathtub   ,   stuck   in   a   trance   she’d   later   have   no   recollection   of   being   in   .   long   in   denial   of   the   family   curse   ,    marco   argenti   hired   nearly   every   notable   doctor   in   italy   ,   but   none   of   them   could   find   a   sound   explanation   for   the   violent   and   nonsensical   trances   his   wife   would   experience   for   the   next   three   years   before   ultimately   taking   her   own   life   .        

leaving   giovanna   to   grow   up   all   alone   in   the   too   big   family   estate   at   the   hands   of   nannies   ,   marco   argenti   would  spend   the   better   years   of   his   only   daughter’s   life   traveling   all   around   europe   ,   desperate   to   shake   the   ghost   of   his   wife   ,   but   never    succeeding   . 

despite   all   the   tragedy   early   on   in   gio’s   life   ,   she   had   an   almost   typical   upbringing   for   someone  in   her   socioeconomic   circle   .   a   childhood   devoid   of   the   love   her   parents   were   supposed   to   give   ,   nannies   who   gave   in   to   the   rotten   demands   only   a    wealthy   child   and   sole   heir   could   conjure   up   ,    a    house   that   never   felt   like   a   home   .

by   the   time   she   was   a   teenager   ,   gio   had   grown   up   to   be   a   different   kind   of   monster   —   not   the   madwomen   her   classmates   would   snicker   about   when   speaking   ill   of   the   blood   that   flowed   through   her   veins   ,    but   something   perhaps   more   dangerous   ,   a   selfish   girl   too   clever   and   too   beautiful   for   her   own   good   . 

on   the   eve   of   her   18th   birthday   her   father   makes   his   grand   return   home  ,   gone   so   long   he   mistakes   his   daughter   for   a   maid   before   a   groundskeeper   politely   informs   him   of   his   mistake   .   causing   more  tension   still   was   the   brand   new   gold   band   on   his   ring   finger   ,   as   well   as   the   announcement   that   he’s   selling   the   estate  ,   and   that   gio’s   to   come   live   with   his   new   wife   and   three   small   children   in   france   .

the   day   giovanna   argenti   turns   18   is   a   day   she   can   no   longer   remember  save  for   waking   up   in   the   remnants   of   a   burnt   down   home   ,   ash   caked   underneath   her   fingernails   ,   smoke   burning   her   lungs   .   servants   who   have   been   loyal   to   the   argenti   family   for   decades   will   later   testify   that  there   had   been   a   terrible   accident   lighting   the   birthday   cake   that   night   ,   that   marco  argenti   had   never   returned   home   the   night   before   ,    and   that   the   family   of   four   in   paris   crying   murder   were   nothing    but   scammers   after   the   family   fortune   .

gio   spends   the   next   year   scrambling   to   piece   together   the   mysterious   events   ,   a   tiny   voice   inside   her   head   insisting   something   wasn’t   right   with   the   story   she’d   been   fed   by   the   people   who  raised   her   ,   albeit   confused   as   to   why   they’d   hide   the   truth   if   something   sinister   had   indeed   happened  that   night  .  she   could   have   sworn   the   memory   of   her   father   coming   home   was   a   real   one   —   until   she   gets   a   letter   in   the   mail  ,   signed   marco   argenti   ,   polaroid  attached  ,   a   blurry   shot   of   a   man   who   bears   the   family   resemblance  standing   in   front   of   the   statue   of   liberty   .

cue   the   drug   abuse   (   coke   being   her   poison  of   choice   )   ,   the   reckless   and   dangerous   stunts   all   in   the   name   of   having   a   good   time   ,   the   mind   numbing   sex   with   strangers   .   heart   heavy   with   the   idea   that   she   was   indeed   going   insane   ,   following   in   the   footsteps   of   all   the   argenti’s   that   had   come   before   her   ,   giovanna   was   left   with   the   haunting   sensation   that   her   life   was   already   doomed   ,   and   so   she   might   as   well   make   the   most   of   it   .  on   the   flip   side   of   this   she   also   came   to   the   realization   that   she   could   pretty   much   ....   do   whatever   she   wanted   and   get   away   with   it   ?   people   already   thought   she   was   cursed   and   crazy   ...   might   as    well   act   the   part   ...   a    little    self   fulfilling   prophecy  ...   as   a   treat   <3      

in   a   feeble   attempt   to   save   her   from  an   untimely   and   rather   stupid   demise   ,   she   is   shipped   off   to   sacred   heart   academy   ,   a   place   a   distant   cousin   once   attended   .   mind   clouded   by   addiction   and   unresolved   trauma   alike   ,   giovanna   can’t   be   sure   the   strange   happenings   at   sacred   heart   are   real   at   all   or   just   a   product   of   a   dark   and   overactive   imagination   .   

━  ˙ ˖  ☆     PERSONALITY  +  TIDBITS  !

first   &   foremost   ...   gio   was   inspired   loosely   by   some   sexy   women   including   miss   effy   stonem   from   skins   ,   choi   sooji   from   tempted   ,   ludo   from   baby   ,   villanelle   from   killing   eve   &   lady   macbeth   minus   the   murder   (   ...   unless   ?   😏   )   ,   as   well   as   more   lana   del   rey   songs   than   i   care   to   admit   so   we   won’t   be   talking   about   it   aha   x

yes   what   i’m   trying   to   say   is   she’s   a   little   unhinged   ...   but   in   that   fun   sexy   way   like   when   amy   dunne   gives   the   cool   girl   speech   in   gone   girl   .

speaking   of    cool   girls   ...   gio   is   one   😌   you   would   think   growing   up   with   a   last   name   that’s   literally   famous   for   being   cursed    would   have   put   a   bigger    damper   on   her    popularity   among   people   but   there’s   a   certain   fascination   gio   holds   and   she   knows   it   .   this   isn’t   to   say   she’s   got   a   lot   of   friends   because   she   definitely   doesn’t   ,   she   just   knows   how   to   get   people’s   attention   .

at   her    core   she   is   clever   ,    charming   ,    everything   someone   who   grew   up   with   money   is   bound   to   be   .   but   unlike   the   selfishness   of    other   trust   fund   babies   ,   gio’s    operates   on   a   different   scale   .   she’s   self   obsessed   ,    not   because   she   views   herself   as   better   than   anyone   else   ,   but  because   she’s    so   haunted    by   the   idea   that   something   terrible   and   wicked   exists   inside   of   her   and   it’s   only   a   matter   of   time   before   darkness   takes   over   .

in   an   effort   to   counter   that   weight   ,    she   breezes   through   life   without   taking   much   seriously   .    toying   with   people   ,   the   mind   games   she   plays   ,    it’s   all   an   effort   to   distract   herself   ,   to   entertain   her   brain   with   thoughts   that   somehow   seem   lighter   in   comparison   to   her   own   inevitable   self   destruction   although   the   people   she   plays   with   might   say   otherwise   . 

consequences   should   scare   her   more   than   they   do   ,   but   honestly   she’s   got   a   penchant   for   doing   the   things   deemed   bad   for   her   .   on   one   hand   she   figures   little   matters   if   she’s   truly   cursed   ,    on   the   other   hand   she   figures   if    she   is   cursed   than   whatever   consequence   comes   her   way   is   deserved   .

flirty   ,    but   most   of   the   time   it   never   means   anything   .   she   is   prone   to   intense   infatuations   ,   however   ,   all   of   which   have   ended   tragically   so   far   so   proceed   with   caution   .

she’s   definitely   someone   most   people   would   know   of   ,    as    she’s   got   an   almost   bad   habit   of   striking   up   conversations   with   whoever   ,   but   ask   someone   to   name   her   favorite   color   or   any   profound   fact   about   her   and   they   probably   wouldn’t   be   able   to   .

very  nosy   due   to   her   childhood   of   people   watching  and   intensely   studying   the   adults   who   raised   her   ,   and   so   the   habit   has   carried   on   into   her   adult   life   .   she   won’t   outwardly   pry   ,   but   if   you   catch   her   interest   she’ll   unabashedly   observe   you   like   she’s   an   actor   trying   to   better   understand   their   part   .

tons   of   fun   at   parties   ,   but   also   in   class   ,   considering   she’s   snorting   enough   coke   on   the   daily   to   treat   school   like   it’s   one   big   social   gathering   .   life’s   a   beach   baby   <3

studying   classics   because   she   likes   how   intense   the   stories   and   history   are  ,   but   she’s   surprised   herself   by   being   rather   good   at   the   language   aspect   of   the   major   .

deep   deep   down   ...  there   is   the   desire   to  be   understood   and   loved   despite   whatever   uninhibited   thing   she’s   convinced   lurks   around   inside   her  but   that   is   constantly   in   conflict   with   the   idea   that   she’s   fundamentally   undeserving   of   real   affection   ...   just  girly   things  you   know    🥺

━  ˙ ˖  ☆     WANTED  CONNECTIONS  !  (  all  open  to  all  genders  )

 my   brain   is   quite   literally   all   rot   rn   im   just   gonna   list   stuff   with  minimal   elaboration  please   vibe   with   me   ...

people   she   gets   high   with  <3   

ex   infatuations   that   ended   tragically   lets   get   that   angst

spare   parental   figures   ...   any   professors   out   there   want   a   demon   child   who   will   idolize   u   but   not   know   how   to   deal   with   that   so   they   just   act   up   all   the   while   hoping   for   forgiveness   and   the   attention   they   never   got   from   their   own   parents   </3      

speaking   of   professors   i   will   play   into   the   problematic  trope   of   a   student   being   obsessed   with   a   professor   -___-   solely   because  i   would   lov   to   have   gio   go   full   throttle   crazy   ...   as   a   treat   ...   this   has   nothing   to   do   with   that   one   line   in   lorde’s   writer   in   the   dark   u   know   the   one   truly   this   does   not   have   to   be   reciprocated   at   ALL            

a   confidant   /    someone   she   probably   considers   her   closest  friend   who   she   is   constantly  disgusted   with   herself   for   opening   up   to   but   also   truly   not   able   to   live   without   so   it’s   a   fun  cycle   of   push   and   pull   but  truly  she’d   probably  die  for   them  just   don’t  ask   her   that   she’ll   say   no   

i   think   it   would   be   fun   to    have   someone   who   knows   about   the   supposed   argenti   curse   maybe   their  family   had   some   associations   to   gio’s   or   maybe   they   spent   some  time  in  italy   at   some   point   growing   up   and   met   her   there   idk   im   cute   not   smart   ...

we’ve  all   been   begging  and  begging   i   will   jump   on   the   bandwagon   and   ask   for   a   sexy   rival   doesnt   mean   anything   if   u   say   i   hate  u   after   hooking  up     

someone   she   keeps   bumping   into  when   she’s   sneaking   out   past   curfew   or   cutting   class   and   at   first   it   was   like   dude   seriously   do   we   have   to   start   alternating   but   now   it   turned  into   like   wow   i   really   hope   we   bump   into   each   other   again   would   u   like   a  cigarette   wanna   listen   to   some   music   together   

 someone   she   sees   a   lot   at   stan’s   place   .   perhaps   on   campus   they   have   a   very   different  relationship   but   off   campus   they  feel   free   to  have   another

current   hookups   we   love   to   see   it   there’s   so   many   directions   to   go   in    maybe   its   purely   a   casual   thing   ,    maybe   it’s   casual   for   gio   but   not   for   them   ,   or    maybe   gio’s   the   one   like   worm   maybe   i  would   like   more   than   sex   ,    maybe   it’s   like   a   we   only   hookup   when   we’re   high   at   parties   thing  ,   perhaps   it’s   a   secret   hookup   thing   so   it   gets   angsty      

maybe   a   rival   or   someone   she   swears   she   hates   and   they   swear   the   same   but   they   accidentally   bond   along   the   way   and   it’s   like   well   i   thought   i   hated   u   but   perhaps  we   are   more   similar   than   we   thought   but   also   we   only   know   how   to   be  enemies  so   how   do   we   even   move   past   this   ...

perhaps   someone   gio   goes   to   when   she’s   especially   fucked   up   and   they   take   care   of   her   /   start   to   resent   her   for   seemingly   caring   so   little   abt   her   own   well   being   and   she   resents   them   for   caring   too  much   bc   it’s   not   liked   she   asked   but   she   keeps   showing   up   at   their   door   and   they   keep   letting   her   in   

someone   she   can   be   in   cahoots   with   ...   go   absolutely   bonkers   with   knowing   they   won’t   judge   her   and   she   won’t   judge   them

perhaps   someone   she   can   be   a   bad   influence   on

also   someone   who   makes   her   want   to   be   a   better   person   bc   we   need   balance

a   group   of   girls   gio   can   be   like   men   r   disgusting   with   but   then   they  catch   her   hooking   up   with   said   stinky   man   and   it’s   just   a   cycle   like   please   get   some  help  luv   

a   dealer   mayhaps   ?   

someone   whose   favorite   pen   she   stole   but   blatantly   lied   and   said   she   didn’t   steal   it   but   she   uses   it   everyday  in   class   so   u   know   she   did   in  fact   steal   ur   pen

ok   she’s   out   of   juice   i’m   she      

i   wont   lie   to   u   ive   been   writing   this   all  damn   day   …   but   we   finally   made   it   baby   😭😭😭   im   sosososo  sorry   for   the   length   &  the   wait   …   also   i   feel   like   my   charas   always   change   a  lil   once   i   actually   start   plotting   &   writing   so   sorry   again   if   u   see   me   finally   writing   as   giovanna   on   the   dash   and   ur   like   lit   rally   who   is   that   …  JSDBWJBDWBDJ   also   side   note   i   promise   u   im   almost  done   word   vomiting   all   over   the   place   but   it   must   b   said   ...   u   know   how   there’s   that   trope   that   supposed   insanity   is   like   not   always  real    like   how   female   hysteria   was   a   whole   as   thing   or   like   how   in   haunting   of   hill   house   where   the   charas   weren’t   really   haunted   by   ghosts   at   all   more   so   by   their   trauma   ...   that   was   my   whole   inspo   with   the   argenti’s   like   are   they   even  cursed   at   all   ?   who   is   to   say   ...   PLEASE  come  message  me  on  discord  to  plot   !   @ you are my soulmate ʕ´• ᴥ•̥`ʔ#8172   maybe  …   give   this   a   like   if   u   wanna   …   do   that   hehehe   thank   u   for   reading   all   this   ur   so   brave   for   that   stay   sexy   stan   loona  x  

[crossbows-and-moonshine]

Lunacy Fringe (Chapter 18)

I know you guys have been waiting for this shit looool

One more chapter after this one.

----------------------

When he walked in Zoey was sat on the couch and she jumped up when she saw him. She rushed over, taking his bruised swollen hand on her own as she frowned. She blinked up at him and he couldn't look her in the eye, feeling like such a piece of shit. Like he’d proved the asshole right and now everyone was scared of him. No doubt thought he was a fucking woman beater.

“Ya know I’d never hurt ya right?” he asked brokenly, finally glancing at her through his hair. She gave him a little smile and nodded.

“I know. I have no doubt you’d never lay a hand on me. You always keep me safe. Like today,” she said softly, making him tilt his head curiously at her. She didn't seem upset with him at all. He had expected her to shout at him or give him that disappointed look that made him want to run off into the woods and never come home.

Instead, she led him over to the couch and shoved him to sit before she scurried off into the kitchen. She came back seconds later with a dish towel soaked in cold water. She sat next to him and started cleaning up his hand and he just looked at her confused.

“Ya not mad?” he asked sounding bewildered.

“Why would I be mad? He’s an asshole, I’m glad you decked him,” she said matter of factly. Daryl only got more confused and tilted his head at her. She looked at him and heaved a sigh as she tossed the cloth onto the coffee table.

“I'll admit you didn't need to keep hitting him. I thought you might cave his face in for a second. But he deserved it. Saying all that shit about you,” she frowned, her big blue eyes feeling like they were penetrating into his soul.

“So ya not… not scared of me or nothin’?” he asked hesitantly. Every mother fucker here seemed to be. Except for his family. They knew what he was like.

“No. I’m not. You didn’t scare me, if anything it was kind of…” she trailed off, looking down as her cheeks heated up and he squinted at her suspiciously.

“Kind of what?” he asked warily, watching as she turned her eyes back up to him.

“It was kind of hot okay? Having you just swoop in and punch him like that,” she mumbled, her cheeks getting redder by the second as his jaw almost hit the floor. She shook her head and went to stand up, clearly about to scurry off since she was embarrassed. But as she stood he grabbed her wrist and yanked on it lightly, causing her to sit in his lap straddling him.

“Kinda hot huh?” he smirked, loving how her cheeks were a pretty pink colour as she snorted and looked down.

“You're so smug it's making my eyes hurt,” she huffed playfully. He grinned at her, shaking his head. He fucking loved her. She always managed to make shit better and feel lighter. He also couldn't deny it was hot that she liked him defending her like that.

“Like me swoopin’ in, comin’ to ya rescue?” he asked, his voice dropping an octave as he kissed her neck softly. Her breathing picked up, a thrill running down her spine at his tone and how his hands greedily grabbed at her hips. Her eyes fluttered closed as she nodded, enjoying the attention he was lavishing her neck with.

“Like me bein’ all protective?” he drawled against her skin before nipping at her throat. She moaned, her head falling back and he watched her with rapt attention, loving watching her when she was like this.

She could feel him getting hard under her and without thought she found herself grinding against him, making him moan and nip at her neck again. The chemistry the pair had was always on fire. Like a spark igniting about to blow. He was nipping and sucking her neck, leaving marks. The attention Spencer had shown her was getting under his skin and he was staking his claim on her visibly so every fucker here would be reminded of him when they saw her.

“Asked ya a question sweetheart,” he said firmly, making her squeak as his hands gripped her ass under her dress.

“Yes,” she moaned softly, her cheeks heating up. She did find it sexy when he was protective of her. He groaned right next to her ear, arching up at her as his fingers dug into the flesh on her ass cheeks.

At first, when they started being sexual with one another, he had been hesitant and gentle, like he thought she was made of glass. She was glad he was at first, her mental state hadn't been great. But she was much better now, much like her older self and just like the older version of herself, she still liked the same things in bed. Daryl had started being more vocal, more dominant in the bedroom and she loved it. It wasn't scary for her, it wasn't dominant in a selfish way that he would force her to do things and just take what he wanted from her. It was dominant in a good way. Being a sexy bossy bastard but she knew he would also take care of her and look after her. She felt safe and cared for with him. She found herself wanting to obey him, to please him because despite how he would order her about sometimes in bed, she knew if she really didn't want to do something he wouldn't be upset in the least.

She fisted his hair and kissed him hungrily, catching him off guard for a brief moment. He kissed her back with just as much need, pulling her closer if it was even possible. Things were getting intense between them when a knock broke them apart at their door. She whined and Daryl growled in frustration, the pair still like they hoped the person would just go away. Another loud knock sounded and Zoey huffed as she stood up.

“Hurry up and make them go away,” she whined, making him smirk at her with how eager she was.

“I’ll try,” he snorted, making her squint at him. She stepped closer to him, a mischievous glint in her eye as she leant close to his ear. He shivered when her breath tickled him and her soft fingers traced the skin on his lower belly under his shirt.

“I want you to fuck me until I can’t walk, so you better try,” she smirked, knowing how her words would affect him. She was ready, she was done waiting and pussyfooting around. He had worked her up and she wanted him.

She took a step back trying to look all coy and innocent and he blinked at her. The look on his face was priceless. A mix between shock that she had uttered those words to him and a deep need for her as he glared at her with his hooded gaze. She saw his Adam's apple bob in his throat as he swallowed thickly, glancing to the door like he was considering not opening it at all. Another knock made him roll his eyes, it obvious that whoever it was wasn't about to go away.

“Best answer that, I’ll be waiting upstairs,” she grinned cheekily. He squinted at her as he watched her prance off upstairs and he trudged over to the door, swinging it open with a scowl.

“The fuck ya want?” he growled at Rick who stood there with a quirked brow. Daryl's hair was all over the place and Ricks's eyes looked over Daryl's shoulder like he expected to see Zoey, feeling like he interrupted something he shouldn't have. She was nowhere to be seen though.

“I just wanted to come by and apologise for being so harsh earlier. You know how stressed I’ve been lately. Especially with some people pushin’ back at me. But I shouldn't have spoke to you that way,” Rick sighed. It had been weighing heavy on his mind and he couldn't settle unless he knew he and Daryl were on good terms again.

“Yeah, s’fine. We both said shit we didn't mean. That all?” Daryl mumbled impatiently, glancing over to the stairs. Rick watched him carefully realising he had indeed interrupted something.

“I mean it, Daryl. I don’t like fightin’ with you, I need to know we’re good,” Rick pushed, making Daryl huff and shift on the spot.

“We’re good. That all?” he asked giving Rick a pointed look. Rick tilted his head a little, an amused smirk spreading across his face with how skittish Daryl was being.

“You sure seem in a rush to get back inside. You sure you're not still mad?” he asked. Daryl squinted, the look on Rick's face told him a different story to his words. Rick knew what he was doing and Daryl wanted to smack him upside the head.

“I ain’t mad...I just… Zo’s waitin’ on me so…” he admitted, hoping being blunt with him was enough to make the man fucking leave.

“Oh really? What you guys up to?” Rick smirked. Daryl felt the tips of his ears burning as he glared at him.

“Nothin’ since ya stood here makin’ me talk to ya,” he glowered. Rick snorted and shook his head. He couldn't help himself.

“I won’t keep you any longer. I just want you to know I do mean it though, I am sorry,” he said with a small smile. Daryl found himself relaxing a little as he looked at him.

“M’sorry too. We were both assholes, but let's just move past it. We’re good,” he said with a nod, making RIck smile wider at him and pat his arm. Daryl didn't actually realise just how tense he felt over fighting with Rick. He never liked fighting with the man but now he felt like a weight had been lifted that they were both okay.

“Ya gon’ leave or what?” Daryl snorted when Rick still didn't go. Rick grinned at him holding his hands up in surrender.

“You sure you don’t want me to join in? Might be fun,” he teased, making Daryl squint at him and flip him off.

“Should be ashamed of yaself. I’mma tell Michonne when I next see her,” Daryl snorted.

“Ah shit, don’t do that. I’d have the pointy end of her katana up my ass,” he laughed as he took a step backwards. Daryl grinned at him and shook his head as he watched him leave. He shut the door behind him feeling better now they sorted shit. Then he remembered his girl waiting upstairs and what they were finally going to do. They'd done a lot of shit together but they hadn't had sex yet. He had been waiting for her cue with that one and now she was very clear with what she wanted. He just hoped she hadn't changed her mind in the time that had passed with Rick at the door.

He toed his boots off and made his way upstairs. By the time he reached the bedroom, he had already taken his vest and shirt off. He walked in and she wasn't in the room. He frowned to himself as he tossed the clothes onto the floor near the bed. He jumped out of his fucking skin as something grabbed at his sides, an unmanly yelp leaving his lips as he whirled around. Zoey burst out laughing at the noise he made and he glared at her as he tried to calm his rapidly beating heart.

“The fuck girl? Scared the shit outta me,” he huffed, a hand over his heart. She bit her lip to stifle her laughter as she tried to look contrite. She failed though, miserably and he squinted at her amused face.

“I couldn't help myself,” she grinned innocently at him. His eyes trailed her body realising suddenly how naked she was.

Her marks didn't bother him, he actually really didn't even notice them anymore when they were doing shit like this. All he could see was his beautiful completely fucking naked girl stood there batting her lashes at him all innocent-like. It made his dick ache and he walked towards her, making her smirk and step back until she hit the wall. It was like when he was drunk and he pinned her against the wall. She felt breathless as she looked at the predatory look he was giving her.

“Cheeky lil thing huh?” he smirked, making her cheeks flush as he mirrored his words from when he wanted her when he had been drinking. All she could do was blink up at him helpless and he pressed his body against hers, trapping her against the wall.

“Cat got ya tongue?” he purred as he leant down, ghosting her lips with his. She closed her eyes and whined at his teasing.

“You fight dirty,” she huffed, opening her eyes again as he moved away from her, leaving her body feeling cold.

“Damn right I do,” he smirked, his blue eyes not leaving hers as he rummaged in his pocket and pulled out a condom.  

He took his pants and boxers off, leaving him as naked as she was, each getting a good eyeful of the other. He tossed his jeans in the pile with the rest of his clothes as he made his way over to the bed. He propped up some pillows against the wall and got on the bed, sat leaning against them as he put the rubber on. He looked at her, his ego growing noticing how she was outright ogling him like she was. It made him feel fucking good. He gestured with his head for her to come over and it sent a thrill right through him when she smiled to herself and obeyed.

She climbed into his lap and he was practically purring as he nuzzled her cheek affectionately. He was so fucking ready for this, to finally feel her around him. He was disappointed he had to use a fucking condom. He’d love to feel her fully but he knew they couldn't risk it. He moaned as she kissed him ferociously. It seemed more intense than usual, the pair more needy as they groped at each other and kissed each other breathless. His breathing hitched when she moved away, grabbing his dick and lining him up with her. The anticipation was killing him and his eyes never left her face. This was a big fucking deal. He knew it, she knew it. She hadn't had sex since the abuse she endured and this was step further than fooling around like they had been. They locked eyes as she sunk down onto his cock with a gasp, making him groan and squeezed his eyes shut.

Holy fuck she was tight. So fucking tight and hot and he felt like he’d died and gone to heaven. It had been forever since he’d had the pleasure of being buried inside of a woman and this was fucking everything. She clung to his broad shoulders, the pair unmoving as she adjusted. He was glad she had to be still for a moment because he would have gone off like a fucking horny teen and hated himself for the rest of his life. He opened his eyes, his heart swelling as she gave him a little smile before biting her lower lip. His hands were around her, stroking her back lovingly as he leaned up and kissed her tenderly. As much as he could fuck her into the mattress until she was screaming his name, this was their first time and he wanted it to be special. He knew it was special for him, no matter how much of a pussy that made him.

She kissed him back, the excitement blooming in her stomach and she rolled her hips testing the waters. It sent a jolt of pleasure through her and she moaned against his lips as he gasped, threading a hand into her long hair and fisting it. She felt fucking heavenly and he felt love drunk as he arched up at her, needing more friction. She took her cue as she started moving her hips more, the pair of them panting against the other's lips. It was intense despite the slow pace, the air around them like an electric current as it sparked around them. The hand splayed on her back held her close to him as he arched up, meeting her motions. He couldn't remember sex ever feeling this fucking good before. He felt like he was falling off the edge off a cliff.

Their moans filled the room as she moved faster, their pleasure ramping up a notch. Daryl could feel the tingling at the base of his spine starting, he knew he wouldn't last much longer. Everything felt too intense, magnified even. He moved his hand between them, rubbing circles around her clit and relishing in the loud moan that left her lips. Hearing and seeing her in the throes of pleasure was always something he loved. She was a sight to behold like this. She rode him faster, grinding herself against his thumb and he groaned.

“Shit girl,” he moaned, his eyes squeezing shut as he felt his release rapidly approaching, no hope of stopping it from happening. She just felt too damn good.

He could feel her fluttering around his cock and he knew she was close too. He just really hoped he could get her to cum before he did so he didn't leave her hanging. He rubbed her clit a little faster and she gasped loudly. He watched her intently as her body shook, his dick being squeezed so hard she felt like she might push him out of her. Feeling her tighten around him as she came pushed him over the edge and he grunted, hiding his face in her neck as he bucked his hips to into her. He came hard, spilling himself into the rubber before his body went lax. They were both panting as she sagged against him and he stroked her back softly, kissing her shoulder.

She sat up looking at him and his heart ached in his chest. He wasn't sure if it was just him or if she felt the connection between them get even stronger. Like bonds forged in iron tying them to each other forever. Maybe he was just being a little bitch because he came? Who fucking knew? She smiled sweetly at him and his lips quirked up too, unable to help himself. They were still riding their high and no words were needed for the intensity of the moment, how their feelings seemed to grow. She leant down and captured his lips with her own. His hands came around her again, stroking her back as he kissed her. Slow and sensual as his tongue massaged hers. One more hurdle passed. His heart only growing as they passed it.

“I love ya,” he rasped against her lips when he needed to pull away for air. The radiant smile she gave him made him melt into a fucking puddle.

“I love you too,” she said with a grin, making him smile up at her adoringly. They needed to invent a whole new word for how he felt about her because love felt redundant. He didn't love her. The word didn't even come close.

She was his everything, and he wanted to be hers. He felt like their souls were so entwined, that they'd always been that way. That everything that led him to that moment, even all the pain and heartbreak he endured along the way, it was to lead him here to her. He found himself for the first time in his life feeling happy. He didn't feel bitter about his past, not when the reason for it all was Zoey. He would do it all again, go through every painful memory if it meant he would have her forever. She was worth all the pain in the world.

Taglist; @risingphoenix761 @daryldixonandfrogs @arlaina28 @divadinag @keeperofwonderlandus @jodiereedus22 @easnuppa @fand0m-fiend @txladyj-blog @walkingdead-dixon @of-storms-and-sadness

[aenslem]

look, this is old stuff i wrote a long time ago but im not even editing it, so im trying to gif ouat and i have to actually rewatch some parts to find scenes i want to gif, mostly sq (of course) but every time i do it i remember how much i hate the way it treats regina!

don’t get me wrong, i was thinking same when i just started it and yeah, i liked regina but i was not like SHE IS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE back then and i still feel it. i hate the way they treat her.

i do realize who she was and what she did, she was a total bicth, with bad communication skills, instead of trying to get what she wants the right way she threatened people, manipulated them, killed them. and i could go miles how it’s the only way she knows, which is true but i will not. i will not start defending her here, i will just say that if take away all of knowledge we have, about what disney characters they were before and if we look at it only as a people who live in a small town called storybrooke, with  a mayor who has adopted son, son who finds his real mother and brings her there thinking they are all story book characters, don’t you think it is kind of unfair to regina?

let’s see, madam mayor, maybe not the happiest woman alive had some kind of a relationship with sherrif and tried to not show it to her son, who only found out he was adopted and freaked out on the level to think his mother is Evil Queen! so, i think i can understand why she would not want henry to know about it yet. maybe she is strict mother, but she did try to give henry everything from what i see. but somehow, everyone knows BETTER.

when emma arrives she suddenly feels a need to protect and be sure HER son is fine because she met this woman for 30 minutes and decided she knows better. she literally says that to regina in second episode that she knows better. i mean, rewatch that red panties scene with apples. can you imagine what mother would feel if a woman who gave up a child for adoption, never was interested in finding him would come into your life and would tell you she knows what is best for YOUR child after knowing you for a day?? then suddenly the doc you hired to help your child to get those fiction stuff out of their head tells you YOU ARE NOT A GOOD MOM FOR HIM AND AFTER KNOWING HENRY’S REAL MOM FOR A FEW DAYS SAYS HE WILL GO WITH HER BEING HIS MOM THAN REGINA, i mean yes, she could ask nicely to do a better job instead of going with his fantasies, with recent events you are impatient and feel like your son is more away from you than ever, his real mother is there to take him away, but she did how she knew to deal with stuff, everyone is on emma;s side after knowing her for a few minutes because BECAUSE???/ we know who emma is, they don’t! she could be a serial killer but who cares if you are nice you get pass as a good guy and everyone suddenly accepts you, and just because you don’t treat people with a smile every day they think you are the worst bitch ever, just because she tells you to fuck off from a man who just woke up from coma to find that there was a wife of his and gets into romance with another woman he doesn’t know, ruining his promising life with his wife you are suddenly lebeled as a bad person. what a one sided show i swear. 

i mean, it is ok to have relationships with two women because it is true love and you are all heroes but having affair with a man and not telling your son because you don’t want to make things worse and you are suddenly a bitch!? what the...

so, then suddenly the man she was with breaks up with her because of that woman who is also a real mother of your son but suddenly YOU ARE the problem again. because it doesn’t matter that it all started with her appearance, YOU ARE the problem because you don’t act nice. you don’t go all lovey dovey in front of everyone, running around screaming about true love, i mean if she did i am sure everyone would take it better.

i know she is the evil queen, she did all the bad things and all, she acts like a bitch and all. but honestly, none of other characters know it, they rarely show what bad stuff regina did to them, they just fear her and we should accept it because the show tells us she is evil queen. BUT they don’t know, inside this show emma doesn’t believe it, mm doesn’t know it, graham doesn’t know it, archie doesn’t know it, none of them know anything. but suddenly they all know better what is best for the boy and town and not the mother who raised him and the mayor. 

i understand emma’s reasons of what she does, but don’t you think it’s a little bit selfish of her? i mean, if you wanted family NOW,why not creating it? why, yes after getting dragged there, you don’t leave and create that family instead of ruining the existing one? maybe if you left (ok town did not let her) henry would stop? i am looking at this from a non magical side because it shows kinda real world, and henry believes in a thing as a child believes he has imaginary friend, you of course don’t rip it off asap, you go slowly, but with everything those people do, they just add gasoline to fire from my side. 

imagine the potential of this show if it was not about fairy tale characters? it would be fucking amazing, regina would go crazy because of this and try to get rid off emma, i would to, if my son was taken away from me, my comfort life would be destroyed just because someone suddenly felt they want everything they gave up back, so many years after and blaming you for all the problems instead of helping. 

SHE HAS ALL THE REASONS TO BE A BITCH IN THAT SITUATION. you come into her life, ruuining it so fast, what did you expect? her to accept you with open arms? fuck off. i would be mad! 

yes, maybe graham did not feel anything for her, and we know he did not, regina took his heart away, but emma doesn’t know that right? so, when he tells regina it’s over, and regina says it is because of emma, both of those idiots say it is not because of emma, but it does happened because of her! but suddenly both blame regina and emma is a good guy because of her they saw how bad regina is and it is her problem now,. emma is not at fault, she is victim here. what the fuck??? 

ok, i will explain it better, you come into this woman’s life and threaten the peace with her son and even threaten her rights to be his mother for her, then suddenly with your appearance, kisses in the street and all the stuff the man with whom regina slept is breaking up with her and it is still regina being a problem? i am sorry, but do you think anyone would take it fine? i would fucking kick the shit out of emma... wait, yeah, regina tried.

don’t get me wrong,regina is a bitch and did horrible shit, i know graham is a victim here, his heart was taken away, but emma doesn’t know any of it, but she still acts like she knows better when she is the actual reason for that break up, (not taking in mention that he remembered because of emma because for emma he kissed her and that’s all) for emma he is just a man who slept with a mother of her son and kissed emma also. and then he breaks up with regina but it is still not her fault, it is regina because suddenly graham doesn’t feel anything for regina. 

so, i will write it down again, it is ok when david kisses mm while still being with his wife because it is love, but emma breaking up the only relationship (kinda) regina had is ok because it was not love. like father like daughter huh kissing people while they are not free...

this show IS one sided. later of course we get more reasoning of regina’s actions and all. but first episodes are fucking horrible in that way, and i am not even mentioning all the adoption issues and showing it the way this show did, because if i start i swear i would go much more with it. i could write entire book of how fucked up it all is in the beginning. that’s awful.

what i am trrying to say is, they could do much better, but they tried to show regina as a bad person so hard they did not think how this looks from apart, because it seems like good guys are good no matter what they do, be it having affair on side, ruining someone’s relationship, threatening peacefull life of a woman because you suddenly want a family and back your son who you gave up after giving a birth to him... you are still good because you do those things to bad people.

and i remember the cora here, because snow’s mom was a total bicth to cora and still got passed as the nicest of all while cora became the worst person ever and got a worst mom of the century award. good guys are still good no matter how bad they are, because somehow the bad things they do, they do to evil people, who were not evil until good guys did those things to them. so, batman situation here, you create your enemies and you are responsible for it, i am not saying cora or regina were saint or something, but imagine if snow’s mom was not a jerk to cora, how things would go? snow and david literally stole a child from a person and ruined her life because that person was evil, so who cares? but when their child was separated for them, yeah, oh regina you are so bad!

and all that stuff with blood relations?? like they are the only true connections and all? the beginning sucked with it! and when it got better with this, the show became a shitty with plot. 

i just have so many issues with this show and i know this rant doesn’t change anything and all, it’s too late cause it is finished, but yeah, it exists and someone with a mind not developed yet will watch it and think that being adopted is bad thing and when it gets better plot starts to suck so they stop watching and they are left with a thought of it, and that might stay with them. this shit bugs me because im 27, i don’t want to give a birth, i always thought i will adopt a child and im not gonna get married to a man, that i know.  

and what if when i finally have a kid his real mom appears? it’s not about sharing but constant fear that the child will stop loving you because they have REAL mom. i never thought about blood relations as important, for me it’s more about who raised you and gave you everything in your life, did everything for you. i don’t even have a kid yet and already think about shit like this, these kind of things stress the hell out of me. media has a lot of impact on people and ouat is not the only one being shitty in that matter, so yes, it is important that later regina and henry got their happy ending, but before that? how many stopped watching and were left with what it was in the beginning? it would not show regina as less evil if they at least once mentioned that henry is conflicted about thinking that his mother is evil queen, because that is the woman who raised him after all. but no, he jumps into that so easily... in s2 they start everything else with regina and henry’s dinamics. that they finally become family. but before that?? dude that was horrible.

anyway, i did not intend it to be this long, and honestly i could add even more, im just too tired and i try to focus on good stuff in that show, because yes, somewhere there was trapped a really good show which was fucked up by horrible writing. the potential it had. it could be epic. and i don’t even speak about swen here. 

[johnlockedslashprincess]

Hello world.

How are you? I’m... still alive. Maybe more alive than ever? 

I’ve had a pretty weird day today. Reading an old fic of mine that plays the old, sad strings in my brain and it got me thinking all those not good things that make me regret I chose to live in the end. 

I like to talk about myself. I like to think about myself. And most recently, to everyone’s surprise, my therapist finally made me realize why that is a thing. I like all these things just to persuade myself I am worth having a life because I hate myself. I hate myself so much, I feel like I’m unworthy of love of any kind. 

Everytime my mind turns a wrong turn and everything goes dark, I cry, trying to figure out where is the joke. When is everyone going to laugh at me for being so stupid, for thinking that they actually loved me. I stare at my boyfriend, who’s telling me all the good stuff that he can; telling me he’s there for me no matter what, telling me he will always love me and I stare at him, asking why’s he still with me. Because I’m gonna be like this forever. Why would he choose to take care of someone unwilling to understand they’ve got a place in this world? 

I keep thinking about what I’ve done. Mostly... I still wish I was dead. I’m doing better than I’ve ever been but the thought is still there. Everyone would be better without me. 

This is the first time I’m going into details. I’ve told everyone that I don’t remember most of what happened and it was true for some time. But I really got better so my brain finally let these thoughts back into light from being repressed, and I keep thinking about the moment I’ve decided that death was all that was waiting for me. Not just hypothetically but for reals. 

I was home alone for a weekend. I’ve had a panic attack of some sorts which logically led to me cutting myself. It was nothing serious, just some usual few scratches here and there. If you didn’t know where to look, you wouldn’t see them. It didn’t work at all so I took some benzos to make me fall asleep but they didn’t work as well. They just made me calm enough to realize I was getting to the point of having enough. 

I took every single drug I could find in my room and threw it onto my bed until there was quite a nice pile of various kinds of medication... but mostly just psychiatric ones. There were at least three or four kinds of antidepressants, some benzos, my mood stabilazors and antipsychotics, medication for my asthma, some painkillers. Who knows what else was there. I was sitting by this pile, probably crying my eyes out. Evaluating if it was enough to kill me, if this really was the moment to end it all. I texted some of my friends, trying to reach out for the last time but they were busy at the moment (don’t get me wrong, I’m not blaming anyone, I respect everyone having their own lives and I will always love these people). But no one answered, unfortunately, making me more convinced that yes. This was the right moment to kill myself.

Yep, that’s right. I hate myself so much, I decided I was not worth having a life.

I started taking all of the pills out of the plates, making a new pile, more colourful this time. It was mostly white but also green and pink and orange... When I finished, I brought apple juice and a bottle of Jägermeister to my room and I locked the door. 

There was no dramatic thought, no dramatic... anything. I just sat myself on the bed, and totally calm took a handful of those pills and put them into my mouth. I swallowed them with the apple juice and from this moment I couldn’t stop. I kept doing so for quite some time. I also managed to open the bottle of Jägermeister but according to my medical records there was no alcohol in my blood. So I just probably opened it and forgot about it or had no strength to drink anything anymore.

This is where it gets tricky because I don’t know what’s real anymore and what’s not. 

I started feeling dizzy, I collapsed on the bed because my body couldn’t sit straight anymore. My stomach wasn’t cooperating even though I wanted to take in more. I felt like throwing up but I was trying my best not to do it because how would I die if I threw everything out after fifteen minutes? Needless to say... I threw up. Once, twice, thrice. I remember the bitter taste of slightly dissolved pills. 

What it is that I don’t remember is the moment I decided I couldn’t die that day. I decided I couldn’t hurt and probably kill my mum like this. It took all that I had to open my eyes that I didn’t close willingly, it took even more to find and grab my phone (that was in my bed thanks god, because if it wasn’t, I wouldn’t be able to get it, my body just wasn’t cooperating). I dialed the ambulance number, telling the nice lady that picked up, I have just overdosed. Pretty badly.

All that goes after this is just a series of broken memories... Me giving the ambulance woman all the details on how to find me; me still throwing up everything that I’ve worked so hard on getting down; the woman on the phone still talking to me, asking me why did I do that, why didn’t I call for help. 

There were ambulance, fire fighters and police on their way to my shared flat. I caused quite some fuss that afternoon. I remember hearing the lock getting picked out with a power drill, I remember the sound of all those legs running around the tiny flat I used to live in. I somehow managed to unlock the door to my room by just lifting my arm beacuse I didn’t want them to destroy it as well. 

Then it kind of ends... There were voices talking to me, asking me again, why, what, where, so young, so pretty, why... There were hands touching me and moving me around. My eyes were still closed and my body numb. My consciousness very unstable, turning itself on and off.

I remember being in an elevator, lying in a stretcher, being pushed inside an ambulance car. I thought it was night already because my eyes were still closed, while it was just around 4 or 5 pm. 

I remember the engine and siren starting and after that it was just salt and water and throwing up the whole evening. I got taken to ICU when my stomach was empty and then there was a second hell waiting for me. 

This is all just fragments again, mixed with things I’ve been told or that I’ve read in my records, because there’s almost nothing in my memory. 

I got a fever over 40°. The nurses couldn’t give me any medication so they just kept wrapping me in wet and cold sheets. I was hysterical and screaming, halucinating, biting my tongue and the insides of my mouth. I remember opening my eyes and being unable to see which made it even worse because I thought I went blind which kept me screaming and calling for help the whole night. 

The next thing I remember is the morning when my consciousness came back. 

One of the nurses got me my phone with millions of missed calls from every person close to me. The nurses already called my mum letting her know what happened (she had no idea there was anything wrong with me by the way, I never told her I was depressed). So except my mum who already knew I was alive there was only one person left I could call. I will never forgive myself for the pain in her voice when she picked up, after a sleepless night of crying and worrying... I’m sorry, so sorry, Elis. I love you and I hope you will never read this thing that I’m writing.

Lots of people came to visit me afterwards. Crying, apologizing, asking questions I couldn’t answer. Later I found out I somehow managed to make a post on Facebook that read just “i’m sorry” before I swallowed the first dose of pills. I managed to make a post on Tumblr as well. 

It’s been over a year. And... I don’t know how I feel. Like I said once, my therapist told me that suicide is the most selfish thing you can do. It hurt when I heard it. But I took my time thinking about it and I found my answer. Because what if it feels like it is the least selfish thing you are capable of? I tried everything. I tried every single medication given to me, I was in therapy, I called for help so many times for fuck’s sake. Attempting a suicide was the last call that was left for me to try. 

And guess what? I’m here. Better. Than. Ever. With a boyfriend that I love, having future with him together and having something I have never felt before. 

[chaoticneutralwriter]

10; Deja-Vu

In which Yoongi recalls unknowingly becoming a genius...in love.

idol!jimin x staff!reader (ft. love-guru! bff!yoongi)

genre: fluff, a little comedy, some heart-to-heart, lots of stuff

word count: 2.2k oops.

A/N: wow this got long; word count and update lolyallwhasgud.

In relation to this.

“I think noona hates me.”

Yoongi stops just in time from choking on his soju completely, however, the few drops that managed to escape down the wrong passageway causes him to roughly cough and clear his throat. He sets the half-full glass down and opted for the cup of water instead, taking a few sips until the unpleasant burn in his throat subsides. Once he gets his bearings back, Yoongi eyes zero in on the younger male across from him.

“What did you say?” His voice comes out more hoarse than he intended.

“I said, I think noona hates me.” Jimin’s voice, on the other hand, comes out a little too gloomy for Yoongi’s liking.

“Hate is a pretty strong word.”

A glare. “Okay, she dislikes me."

“Okay... why would you say that?” Yoongi voices his question before he could really think about it, but as soon as he does, an overwhelming sense of deja vu washes over him. It nearly engulfs him from hearing Jimin’s reply.

“I don’t know…I just…” He starts off but ends up trailing off. Jimin sighs more to himself as his gaze drifts down to the side, shoulders slightly slumped as he word out his thoughts. “She always seems to be avoiding me. Like whenever I try to talk to her, she’s suddenly so….” He pauses to find the appropriate description. “Antsy? Nervous? Like she’s really uncomfortable being around me.”

Yoongi’s mouth hangs slightly ajar as he listens to the younger in utter disbelief. He doesn’t mean to, but Yoongi doesn’t have an ounce of worry for Jimin’s so-called problem even when he clearly sees that it really bothered Jimin. Because that’s just it— there was no problem to begin with; just misconceptions. Granted, if Yoongi hadn’t already experienced something of a similar nature beforehand, he would’ve reacted differently but he guesses that’s one more thing having a heart-to-heart with you to be thankful for. So instead, as bad as it sounds, Yoongi finds all of this rather endearing of Jimin (even though he currently looks like a hurt puppy).

Right, gotta be a good hyung because he doesn’t know.

Clearing his throat, Yoongi catches Jimin’s attention and he almost snorts out a laugh from seeing how big and glossy the younger's eyes have gotten (must be the alcohol kicking in). Yoongi covers the faintest traces of a smile threatening to break through with a fist as he answers with a curt, “I don’t think so.”

“…How would you know?” Jimin says as he furrows his eyebrows. “She speaks to hyungs, Taehyungie and Jungkookie just fine…” Plump lips form into a slight pout as he adds in dismay, “But not Diminie…”

“Trust me, she doesn’t hate you.” Yoongi reassures, finally allowing an easy smile to form. “She’s just….” He stops to think of the right word, not wanting to reveal too much (even though he’s super tempted). “…You could say a little shy?” Okay, not like that was any better.

Jimin’s nose scrunches in an expression of confusion and also, very unconvinced of Yoongi’s answer.

Oh boy, here we go again…. Yoongi is already bracing himself as he knocks back his forgotten shot of soju. “Jimin…” He starts, placing his glass back down and the younger once again, takes to filling his elder’s glass, eyes dead focus on making sure he keeps his hand steady. He decides to cut straight to the point. “What do you think of Y/N?”

Jimin’s hands jerks when he whips his head up abruptly to meet Yoongi’s eyes, causing some alcohol to spill from the bottle before he rights it and swiftly places it back on the table, wide eyed and almost frightened at how that could’ve ended badly. Again, Yoongi has to hold himself back from laughing because my god, Park Jimin is completely sloshed and his aegyo just kicked up a notch.

“Ne hyung?” Jimin is blinking owlishly at Yoongi and it reminds him of a child playing innocent after he stole a cookie from the jar.

“Y/N; what do you think of her?” Yoongi asks patiently as he reaches and takes a bite of a lamb skewer. More blinking and a thoughtful look later, Jimin starts.

“She’s nice…really thoughtful and hard-working, she has a nice laugh, and makes sure everyone is taken care of, so small…” Yoongi watches as the more Jimin goes on, the wider the dreamy smile grows on his face until he’s full blown grinning like a fool in love. Scratch that, he is a fool in love...or a boy in luv.

“And she smells nice…” Jimin finishes as an after thought, giggling to himself just as Yoongi indefinitely concludes Jimin’s got it bad. Yoongi nods along even though he already knew what he would say before Jimin even opened his mouth. As quickly as that dreamy smile formed however, it melts into a frown as Yoongi watches Jimin’s next thought paint across his face. “But I’m sure I’m not her type.”

“Then what do you think her type is?”

“…Well for one, someone way more good looking than me…and taller.”

“Aish this kid.” Yoongi immediately interjects, flicking a wooden skewer Jimin’s way only for him to whine back.

“Look,” Yoongi decided to switch his approach once he realizes all Jimin was going to do is put himself down on things that weren’t true. “Y/N is definitely someone who’s not so shallow to only consider looks on a guy okay? Don’t discredit her.” Jimin pouts, head bowing slightly with guilt as he murmurs a ‘ne hyung’. “So you have just as much of a chance with her as any other guys.”

Actually more than he realizes, Yoongi thinks. He’s pretty much got this one in the bag if only he knew just what to do. Yoongi has to hold back a groan from the oncoming headache. His specialty is writing and composing music, not giving love advice and yet, here he is. He grabs his glass and takes the shot.

“Do you really think I have a chance with her hyung?” Jimin asks, eyes wide with astonishment like if even Yoongi says so then…

“Of course!” Yoongi exclaims, causing nearby patrons to glance his way and Jimin's shoulders to hunch up a bit in surprise. “You just have to…” He pauses, makes a pained expression of trying to find the right words, sucks in a breath loudly between his teeth, before settling with, “really show her.”

If Yoongi had shoulder angels, one of them would be slow clapping him right now. It also doesn’t help that Jimin is staring at him with the most bewildered look he has ever seen on the younger.

“…But she keeps running away from me whenever I try to talk to her…” Jimin replies and Yoongi takes the time to inwardly curse at you for being like that (Somewhere in BigHit’s office, you sneeze).

“Right…” Yoongi groans instead, taking to rubbing his face in frustration and rightfully concludes he needs more alcohol. “I told you, she’s just really shy…. That’s her way of trying not to embarrass herself in front of you or something stupid like that.” He says so after downing another shot and he’s vaguely aware the alcohol loosening his tongue a lot more now.

He hears Jimin giggle something that sounded like ‘that’s cute’ and it’s great and all but it still doesn’t solve the problem. How is he supposed to get you to talk to Jimin if all you’re gonna do is run away every time?! Like does he have to lock the both of you in a room or somethi—

“I’m gonna ask you a serious question Jimin-ah.” The sudden deadpan in Yoongi’s voice makes Jimin straighten in his seat instinctively and give his undivided attention to his hyung. “If you could date Y/N, would you?”

Jimin blinks; clearly confused at the question. “I don’t understand—“

“You, very obviously, have feelings for her.” Yoongi ignores Jimin choking on his own spit to continue, “But the reality of it is we’re idols, you’re an idol.” Yoongi hopes that the emphasis he put would be enough of a hint for Jimin to get what he’s going on about. He watches the younger male in front of him closely, noting the lack of words coming from him despite the slight part of his lips like he has something to say.

After a fairly long moment of silence (and blinking), Jimin finally says, “…But we don’t have a dating ban in our contracts do we?”

“No…not necessarily…” Yoongi replies slowly because while yes, he’s right but that doesn’t mean they can ignore the things that aren’t written down on paper. So Yoongi continues to watch him carefully, gauging Jimin’s next response; it has him on edge more than he cares to admit. When Jimin finally speaks again, Yoongi felt as if he’s let out a breath he’s been unconsciously holding.

“I don’t want to hurt her… or put her in the way of getting hurt just because I was selfish.” It comes out in a soft murmur and a gaze that is far off, lost in thought. “But our fans wouldn’t be like that….ARMYs aren’t like that right? They’re good kids…”

“They are…” Yoongi sighs, “But…” He stops himself, as if he can’t bare to say anything ill intended towards the group of people who loves them so unconditionally and brought so much joy and happiness to their lives. They are good kids, Yoongi thinks, but that unfortunately doesn’t stop the few bad apples from sprouting and it doesn’t take a lot to make a big impact; one that can be very dangerous for not just you but Jimin as well and ultimately, the group — not to mention what the media would do (he doesn’t even want to think about the headlines). Yoongi’s not naive enough to think any of this won’t have some form of backlash no matter how he wished it wouldn’t.

The elder of the two reaches for his glass again and downs another shot. It’s quiet between them as both men are lost in their own thoughts. Yoongi, on one hand, didn’t feel good about discouraging Jimin from something that’s only natural for people their age no matter how famous they are. On the other hand however, it was because of their status that things aren’t so simple. It’s probably the only thing that’s keeping Yoongi from slapping Jimin on the back and saying, ‘Man up! You got this!’

But as much as Yoongi had his opinions on this, it was ultimately up to Jimin to decide what he wanted to do and if he wanted to pursue his chance at romance, then who was Yoongi to stop him? After all, it wasn’t impossible, just…. harder than normal. Bottom-line, Yoongi trusts Jimin in whatever decision he makes, and as he had promised you, he’ll offer as much support to you and him as he can, certain that the other members will as well. 

“Jimin-ah,” Yoong speaks after he’s gathered enough of his thoughts to offer some sort of advice to the younger. Jimin’s eyes flicker back to Yoongi’s face, wide and still a little glossy from effects of alcohol but ready to listen to what the older man has to say. “I don’t think it’s right to say you can’t fall in love because we’re human and it’s only natural.” He pauses, wanting to choose his words carefully. “So I trust you to make your own decisions; what you want. But no matter what it’ll be, the members and I will support you and Y/N.”

Jimin lets the words of his elder sink in, blinking in thought but ultimately smiling in the end because of the genuine care behind them. “Thanks hyung…it really means a lot to me.” The smile slips into a slight frown as Jimin voices out his next thoughts, “I should probably try to get to know Y/N noona’s feelings more before deciding what I want…but agh! How am I supposed to if she keeps running away from me?”

Yoongi watches Jimin run a hand through his hair in frustration, amused. He tries to hide the mischievous grin threatening to break across his face behind the rim of his shot glass as he reassuringly says, “I’m sure you’ll find a way….” Totally NOT already scheming the perfect way for him to do so… “But promise me this Jimin-ah,” Yoongi says, lowering his glass in all seriousness. “Try not to break any hearts; yours or Y/N’s. I’m not ready for those…”

At that, Jimin throws his head back in a hearty laugh, just imagining his hyung’s struggling face. Hopefully the time for that won’t come, not if Jimin can help it.

“Okay hyung.” Jimin says through a smile that makes his eyes crinkle to half moons, pouring a shot for the both of them. As they both take their respective glasses, Jimin raises his slightly and Yoongi does the same. “To no broken hearts.”

Yoongi wheezes a laugh and shakes his head but clinks his glass against Jimin’s anyway. “No broken hearts.” He repeats before bringing the glass to his lips.

“And all this time I thought you were the one in love with Y/N noona.”

And suddenly Yoongi is choking on his soju.