#that scene where she transforms into a robot fox is my favorite in the whole ep i think and it honestly gives me species euphoria

[immaturityofthomasastruc]

IOTA Reviews: Guiltrip

So, my week has been hell. In addition to working night and day on final essays for my classes, I've been really busy at work lately, and the second COVID vaccine shot really took a lot out of me this week. And that's not even getting into the bureaucratic nonsense that comes with applying for the MTEL which is slowly making me wonder if I actually want to teach in the first place.

But, despite all that, there was a single light of hope this week that almost made it all worth it.

STAR WARS: THE BAD BATCH, BABY!

OH MY GOD, THIS SHOW IS AMAZING! I ALWAYS LOVED THE CLONE-CENTRIC EPISODES OF THE CLONE WARS, AND NOW WE GET AN ENTIRE SHOW ABOUT AN ELITE TEAM OF THEM? KICKASS! AND IT TAKES PLACE AFTER ORDER 66 WITH GRAND MOFF TARKIN AS THE MAIN VILLAIN? SWEET MOTHER OF GEORGE LUCAS, I CAN'T WAIT! I DON'T EVEN CARE THAT THEY TRADED IN THE COOL SNIPER CLONE FOR SOME LITTLE GIRL CLONE, I ALREADY WANT TO SEE MORE THAN THE TWO EPISODES WE GOT SO FAR! GOD, I LOVE THIS SHOW!

Oh yeah, there was also a new episode of Miraculous Ladybug that aired on the same day too, I guess. It was pretty good. Hell of a lot better than the past three episodes I've sat through.

Let's get into the fifth (chronologically the eleventh) episode of Miraculous Ladybug's fourth season: Guiltrip

We start off in the middle of class where we see Marinette looking at Adrien lovingly.

Because the writers are still trying to push the Love Square on us as if they were trying to sell us some death sticks. And yes, expect a few Star Wars jokes in this review. This episode did premiere on May 4th after all.

Rose suddenly gets a headache, and asks to go to the nurse, saying that “Miss Dora” is back. While walking there with Marinette, she explains that it's a code name she gives when her head hurts and can tell Miss Bustier without letting everyone know. She probably felt a name like “Maya Grain” would just give it away.

At lunch, Juleka gets a text that really upsets her, so Marinette tries to cheer her up. Keyword being “tries”.

Okay, yes, this is referencing the previous scene, where Rose refers to a certain snack at the nurse's office she eats to recover her health whenever “Miss Dora” visits called “Mr. Coffee”, but it's just bad timing. I get Marinette has a habit of not reading the room, but why did she have to use the term “Miss Dora” when she knows what it's being used for? Sure, she doesn't know that Juleka knows, but did she really have to say “Miss Dora”? She couldn't have used any other name instead? It's like making a chemotherapy joke when you just found out someone close to you has cancer. Even putting the context aside, what is this joke's punchline supposed to be? That “Miss Dora” will visit Juleka if she eats her lunch? Even by the humor standards of this show, the joke fails spectacularly.

Marinette bumps into Adrien, and although she stutters a little with a little exaggerated body movement, she does manage to take things seriously so she can have an actual conversation with Adrien about Juleka, who wants to be alone. She explains that the text she got was from Rose, who was sent to the hospital because of her sickness, and the entire class finds out because Marinette texted everyone to come to check on Juleka.

Goddamn it, Marinette. I usually defend you for getting screwed over by the writing, but you really aren't on your A game today.

Juleka explains that Rose got this sickness when she was little, which naturally worried everyone else. To make things worse, Juleka also says Rose made her swear to not tell anyone about her to worry her. Everyone else swears to not let Rose know that they know, and the act of support is actually enough to drive away an Akuma targeted at Juleka.

Unfortunately, nobody ever said anything about being overly affectionate to Rose, so everyone in the class tries to do things for Rose like carry her bags, giving her a pillow to sit on in school, helping her take notes, letting her cut in line at lunch, and giving her apples.

All of this makes Juleka remorsefully tell Rose that she told everyone else, which worries her because she hates all the special treatment, so she goes to tell them all about her illness. While they seem to accept her, the next time she sneezes, they overreact like, uh... how can I make this joke in a tasteful way?

Rose says she's had enough with all the treatment, which makes Juleka feel guilty. In the bathroom, she gets akumatized into Reflekta (yet again) with a Sentimonster named Guiltrip. And then Reflekta immediately gets sucked into the Sentimonster, which will cause it to go out of control. Nice job, Shadowmoth.

While it might not look like much, this is easily my favorite Sentimonster by far. Granted, that's not saying much, given all we've gotten so far for Sentimonsters is bootleg Mothra, sentient candy, a robotic doll, a frog with a body count, yet another evil doppelganger, and an eye, but my point still stands. Rather than actually confront the heroes, it's basically a portal to another world where it can trap people in bubbles that represent their regrets and despair, and turn them into copies of Reflekta.

It's a really strong metaphor which reminds me of the villains from Kamen Rider Wizard, who tried to drive their victims to despair in order to turn them into monsters. Ironically, that show's main villain is also some asshole in white who was risking countless lives just to save someone close to him. In general, the area inside of Guiltrip is visually stunning, and easily the highlight of the episode. It's just so surreal, and it really sets the tone the episode's going for.

Ladybug and Cat Noir arrive on the scene, and also get sucked into the portal, seeing some of the victims before they also start to fall into despair. And I can't believe I'm saying this, but this is one of the few times where Angstdrien Depreste is thematically appropriate. Cat Noir points out that if they had simply defeated Shadowmoth by now, none of this would be happening, which is a good point. He even attempts to kill himself using his Cataclysm, but unlike RWBY, they don't try to glorify it.

This also leads to Rose managing to fight off Guiltrip's powers with her optimistic personality (so I guess you could say she's A New Hope for the heroes), inspiring Ladybug to compliment Cat Noir. While I'd normally be pissed that this is yet another way to boost his ego, it does fit in with the episode's theme of positive thinking. Well, with the exception of one line where she points out what her time as Ladybug would be like without Cat Noir...

BEING A SUPERHERO IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE FUN. Yes, there are certain benefits to being a superhero, but it is not a fun game you play when lives are on the line. Why are the writers so dedicated to validate Cat Noir's beliefs that being a hero is just a fun extracurricular activity? Has there ever been a superhero who shares a similar mentality and isn't treated like a complete jackass?

So Ladybug and Cat Noir break free of the bubbles, and after summoning her Lucky Charm, a pickaxe, Ladybug realizes she needs more positivity to break free from Guiltrip. As such, she pulls out the Pig Miraculous and gives it to Rose, who transforms into Pigella. Funny how she forgot her little headache condition when she bangs her head like a death metal singer while transforming.

The design is... wait, she's not wearing a skin-tight jumpsuit? She's actually wearing something different?

Yeah, I really like the Pigella design. There's a good mix of pink and white, and the skirt really brings the whole thing together. It really reflects Rose's optimistic and bubbly personality.

So the three heroes find Reflekta, who has been consumed by tons of bubbles. Pigella uses her superpower, Gift, to show Reflekta what her heart wants the most right now. So it's basically a more specific version of the Fox Miraculous? In fact, what do pigs have to do with optimism?

Whatever reason, it works, which helps Reflekta to break free of Guiltrip's influence, letting Ladybug de-evilize her. But because we need to have a fight scene in this episode, the Reflekta clones start to attack the heroes, but Ladybug uses the pickaxe to climb out of Guiltrip and purify the Amok.

So Rose hands the Pig Miraculous back to Ladybug, and the episode ends with everyone treating Rose normally in class, realizing she isn't as delicate as she thinks she is.

So yeah, I really like this episode. Aside from a few stupid things Marinette said this episode, I honestly don't have a lot of problems with the episode here.

I also really like the lesson this episode is going for. It doesn't shame Rose for rejecting the help, and it doesn't shame the class for being to overprotective of Rose either. It tries to find a middle ground, which is an important lesson to learn, not just for dealing with a loved one who has an illness, but for disabled people and other kinds of situations where someone has a disadvantage. Even as much as I ragged on Marinette for the text, it's clear that she isn't the only one to blame. In fact, nobody really gets blamed for anything this episode. It's more of a misunderstanding, and both sides find a balance on how to treat Rose.

It's overall a really good episode, and the second best one so far this season. And you know what? This episode taught me the importance of staying positive, so with that in mind, maybe I shouldn't be dreading “Queen Banana” when it comes out this week.

Wait, what? It got pushed back two weeks? Oh, THANK GOD! Now I feel like dancing. And I know exactly what song to dance to...

[movietvtechgeeks]

Latest story from https://movietvtechgeeks.com/alvina-august-talks-supernatural-tasha-bands-separate-ways/

Alvina August talks 'Supernatural,' Tasha Bands and Separate Ways

I recently got the chance to chat with Alvina August, who played Tasha Banes in the Supernatural episode Twigs and Twine and Tasha Banes. Her character was definitely a highlight of the episode – we get the chance to meet the mom of the “witch twins,” a witch, but yet a hunter herself. The episode also gave us one of my favorite lines so far this season – “Her mom’s on a hunting trip, and hasn’t been home for a while …” I nice throwback to one of the oft-quoted lines from early Supernatural. What did you enjoy most about playing Tasha Banes in Supernatural? What I enjoyed most about playing Tasha Banes is the fact that I got to play a multi-dimensional character; loving mother, witch-hunter, nurturer & murderous twig zombie. I've played the latter character-type before although the extent of my wickedness went only so far as turning kids into mice and figurative backstabbing. The more challenging and rewarding part about the experience was getting to play a mum. I don't have kids myself, but I was raised by a tribe of women from grandmother to aunts and finally my own, so there was no shortage of maternal references to draw from. Moreover, I connected immediately with Kara Royster & Kendrick Sampson and got to know them over the week we spent shooting which helped make our on-camera relationship more believable. In the scenes with the glowing scrying stone – how did you keep the stone so still, or was it just a stick that they added a stone with CGI? The stone dangled from the chain the entire time we shot. I picked an imaginary spot about a foot in front of my hand and traced it up, moving only my eyes as though it was changing direction. CGI effects were added later. The SPN production teams (stunts, make-up/hair, effects) are all so brilliant at what they do which takes the pressure off the actor. Tell us about the location where your scenes were filmed. What a beautiful home! For the first few days of shooting, we shot at this beautiful 3-storey home out in Pitt Meadows, BC. The home belongs to a Marilyn Monroe impersonator. It felt very removed from everything else and the narrow halls, tiny rooms and hollow squeaking wooden floors made it even more eerie which worked for the story I think. What was the funniest thing to occur during filming? Everything. LOL! Trying to play dead in a room with Jared & Jensen is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do on camera. Jared was constantly making puns out of every prop on set; like what 'thyme' is it or can I 'axe' you a question? I really don't know how anyone gets anything done over there. What information do you have with regard to Tasha and Asia Fox? Any backstory that you can share? All I can say is that Tasha and Asa had a one-night stand, she got pregnant and raised the twins on her own. There are no details as to their encounter, but perhaps we will know more later as we continue to follow Max and Alicia now the 'orphaned' witch twins. Was the basement as bad as it looked? When I saw the basement, which was created in-studio, I got goosebumps!!! It was cold. But mostly, I was blown away by the attention to detail of the design department. It was so realistically unsettling. Thankfully, it didn't smell like rotting corpses, more like potpourri. [caption id="attachment_46116" align="aligncenter" width="424"] Photo: Twitter[/caption] Was the way that Jensen Ackles (Dean) holding his wine glass scripted, or was that something Jensen did himself? Not at all! That was completely off the cuff. Dean is more of a beer & hard liquor guy, so naturally his caveman grip of that wine glass had us all in stitches and Rich. loved it enough to run with it. It broke the tension of the scene quite nicely, so I'm glad it made the final cut. What did you bring to the character of Tasha Banes that is unique to you? I've always possessed a certain wisdom beyond my years. My mum, a twin herself ironically, was a single parent like Tasha and raised me to be independent. She taught me never to be defined by just one thing. Tasha Banes is both a loving mother and a driven career woman (if witch-hunting was a legitimate profession). She is fierce, imperfect and self-aware. She wears her heart on her sleeve, is not easily intimidated and believes there is good in all things and people. I try and live my life that way and perhaps that showed in my audition and landed me the role. Who knows? Tell us about your character/role on The Other Kingdom. What did you enjoy most about playing a somewhat “evil” character? My acting TV debut came in the form of a conniving fairy on a kid's show; a transformation made possible thanks to a prosthetic headpiece with rotating robotic twigs, some dramatic make-up and a whole bunch of special effects. Villains are fun to play. There is more freedom to explore. What I enjoyed most about playing Versitude was that I found the humour in her delusion. Despite what other people perceived her to be and her often questionable methods, I admired her ambition. Random fact: My nickname on set was 'Twigs' which makes it twice now that I've played a stick person with magical powers on TV. Do you have any upcoming projects that you’d like to share? I will be appearing in the new Syfy pilot "The Machine" based on the 2013 movie of the same name. The series will explore a world being transformed by the emergence of artificial intelligence. As for other news, my music single 'Separate Ways' will be available worldwide May 12th followed by a performance live at the Opera House in Toronto on May 17th.

Movie TV Tech Geeks News

[smokeybrand]

High-concept Hack

I don't like Michael Bay as a film creator. I think the movies he makes are lowest common denominator and do not understand how or why he's so popular. Don't misunderstand, this isn't coming from a place of hate. I'm not a “hater” as Bay would say. I have seen almost his entire catalog, most of them in theaters where they are meant to be seen. Admittedly, I even enjoyed his first few outings. Bad Boys and The Rock hold a special place in my heart but then you have sh*t like Armageddon and Pearl Harbor. F*cking, why? I don't understand how these movies can make billions or how he can just point to that gross as proof he's “good” at his job. Being a great film maker and a successful one are two different things. It's dope to be both but, more often than not, you're one or the other. Look at Edgar Wright. None of his movies do gangbusters but I can say, without reservation, every movie he's ever made is better than anything Michael Bay has crapped out. Another great director that comes to mind is Wes Anderson. A lot of his films bomb by profit standards but they are all excellent, beautiful, pieces of art. F*cking Luc Besson is the poster child for that sh*t. His entire catalog is full of eccentric, heady, character driven films that make absolutely no money. Leon the Professional is a f*cking classic. Compare that to anything Bay has ever made and my point is clear. So why is Michael Bay such a bad filmmaker. Why does he consistently make so much money with his sh*tty films? Before I get into all of that, credit is given where it's do.

Michael Bay is very good at creating a visually dynamic scene.

Bayhem is fun to watch. I just want to put that out there. Michael Bay is very, very, good at blocking out dynamic set pieces. He makes action far more grandiose than it ever has any right to me. You can watch any of the Transformers films to see that sh*t. Those things are gorgeous. Lifeless, mindless, flaccid, gorgeous.

Michael Bay is very good at the technical aspect of film.

There's a scene in Transformers, toward the end of the movie, where a certain shot was needed that no one really knew how to do. Bay built a camera on a go-cart specifically to get this shot. That's James Cameron levels of ingenuity. He also built a rig for something in Dark of the Moon, I think, for another very specific shot. It takes an acute awareness of how a scene is framed, how to build a scene, in order to know exactly what tools are needed to capture that vision. I commend Bay for sh*t like that. You'll never hear me say his movies lack flair.

His films do make a lot of money.

Bayhem makes a ton of money. Dude is very good a staying on budget and delivering a marketable film, even is it's devoid of anything that makes a movie, a movie. Dude gets that product placement, even is it's mad heavy handed, and his corporate benefactors are always pleased. I can't be mad a t a guy that checks all of the boxes that the front office throws his way.

Okay. That's me being nice. That's me getting the things Michael Bay does well out of the way. Now, here's all the reason why I hate his movies so goddamn much.

Michael Bay is a terrible f*cking storyteller.

At it's core, film is a visual representation of storytelling. There is a world you want to create or a character you want to bring to life. That's why books are great for adaptions. That's why comic films are so popular. That's why people gravitate toward lore heavy games and literature. Final Fantasy VII Remake just dropped and it's doing gangbusters. No one bought that game because of the gameplay. Everyone bought that game because of it's place in the cultural zeitgeist. Everyone knows who Tifa, Cloud, and Sephiroth are. Everyone knows the story of Midgar, The Ancients, and Meteor. Everyone wants to experience Gaia with the current gen tech. It's gorgeous, sue, but that's a bonus. We all want to experience the story in a far more cinematic way. Every story Michael Bay has ever told, takes a backseat to the shiny baubles and ludicrous explosions that he peppers within his films. He can't tell a story for sh*t. He thinks racist and lazy stereotypes are the same thing as characterization. He thinks special effects is the same thing as plot. Dutch angles nd camera pans are replacement for witty dialogue and emotional pathos. F*ck, dude, even when he's making a movie that is already based on actual events, the narrative STILL sucks! How is that possible? Pain and Gain happened. That sh*t is documented. Why is it still bad??

Michael Bay is a sexist prick.

You see the way Megan Fox is shot in all of her Transformers appearances? That sh*t is gross, moreso, when you take into account that she is supposed to be sixteen f*cking years old in the first one. It's wild because, if you pay attention, she's the only one that has a character arc. She's actually the most capable character in that entire film and she's relegated to being sexualized eye-candy for the throngs to teenage boys to salivate over. You know how I know that's a thing? Because, in Dark of the moon, the character of Carly was supposed to be Mikaela before Fox got fired. When you frame everything Carly did in the movie through that lens, it makes sense. Sticking Rosie Huntington-Whitely in there, and shooting her like a porn star, seems like maybe Fox was right to quit over her perceived disrespect. I mean, the first shot of Carly a POV, following her throughout her apartment, right up against her pants-less ass. Why?? and don't get me started on that chick from Age of Extinction. That whole situation is the grossest sh*t ever.

Dude is mad lazy with product integration.

When By first started making films, it was hard to see all the product placement riddled throughout. I was watching The Rock a few days ago and completely zoned out with all of the brands onscreen. Fast forward to Age of Extinction and we have entire shots of Bud Lite all over the ground for minutes at a time. F*cking why? What is the point of that other than to sell beer? The only reason that truck exploded was specifically to have that dope shot of Bud Light all over the ground. Again, Bay is great at framing scenes. That beer commercial in the middle of my Transformers movie was shot dope. Why the f*ck is it so haphazardly pasted in the middle of an action set piece during my giant space robot war movie??

All of his plots are paper thin framing devices for explosions.

One of my favorite mangakas is Tite Kubo. He's the creator and principal artist of BLEACH. He's gone on record saying he just like to draw cool sh*t. When he can't, his creativity is stifled and he phones stuff in. The end of BLEACH is a perfect example of that. I suspect Michael Bay feels the same because he create dope looking sh*t but has no respect for the script around that dope sh*t. He doesn't care is nothing makes sense. He doesn't care is there are glaring plotholes that even his principal actors pint out. As long as it looks dope, he's doing it. That's f*cking stupid. On the set of Armageddon, a movie about drilling a whole in a KT event level meteor still in space, in order to blow it up so it splits in half and flies by earth on either side, Ben Affleck asked Bay why they didn't just train Astronauts to drill instead of drillers to be astronauts because that seems to be both easier and quicker. Michael Bay's reply? Shut the f*ck up. That's on the commentary for Armageddon. Ben Affleck literally recorded that and put it on the special features of the f*cking movie! Guess how Armageddon ends? With a big ass f*cking explosion. Also, the meteor screams. A meteor. Screams. In space.

There is no subtlety in any of his movies.

There's a terribly haunting scene in Jojo Rabbit where jojo returns home and is standing next to his mother's hanged corpse. The shot is frames about waist high on Jojo, his mother's shoes literally at eye level. He turns, sees her shoes, and breaks down. He recovers long enough to tied the one with loose strings and the scene ends. I think it cuts to him returning home but it's been a while since I saw the film so i'm a little hazy on what happened next. That entire scene has no music. It's still. It's a medium shot with no weir dutch angles or anything. It's quiet. It's haunting. It's f*cking heartbreaking. Michael Bay never made a scene as emotional, thematically impactful, or quietly powerful in any of his goddamn movies, ever. It is impossible for Michael Bay to create a scene without some sort of dynamic nonsense or kinetic shenanigan. He doesn't do subtle intent or quiet zeal. He's not interested in letting the quiet speak loud. He needs everything to be in your face and yelling at all times because he's bad at movies.

Michael Bay lacks vision.

Someone said that bay is an auteur director like Hitchcock or Kubrick. In the strictest sense of that definition, sure. I can see that. In reality, in actual execution, f*ck no. Look, auteur directors have a vision. They are saturated in every ounce of production. They have a vision and a plan to execute in order to achieve that vision. Michael Bay has a good eye for action. He can frame the hell out of a scene. Of course he can. dude got his start in music videos and commercials. You have to make sh*t look good in that field. What commercials and music videos don't have is plot, narrative, storytelling, and stakes. Someone give you  list of shots and you got and gt them. That's it. Bay is good at that. Bay is not good at creating worlds. Look at Christopher Nolan. His entire catalog is filled with that sh*t. Inception, Dunkirk, Intersetellar, Memento; These are films that entail a clear understanding of what and how a story needs to be told. The draw isn't the explosions, it's the actual characters and journey they go on. Look at the Dark Knight trilogy. Every one of those movies is better than anything Michael Bay has ever made. Each one has a very specific theme and direction. Michael Bay makes the same goddamn movie over and over again. He ignores sh*t from movie to movie, even if it contradicts the rules of his own goddamn universe. Transformers is a great example of that sh*t. In the first movie, Megatron was the first transformer to fall to earth. That happened maybe a century ago. In The Last Knight, these motherf*ckers had been since f*cking King Arthur times. They literally fought along side King Arthur! Stanley Tucci was f*cking Merlin! In Dark of the Moon, Sentinel Prime summoned a piece of Cybertron into the earth's orbit. Where the f*ck did it go in Age of Extinction?? Michael Bay created and entire cinematic franchise and just gave up on telling coherent stories true to the rules he set, immediately after setting them. What?? How the f*ck do you not plan out your franchise? How do you not have an exit strategy? How the f*ck can you not connect your own films, one to another? I have thirteen novels based around certain, recurring, characters and themes. There is a plethora of material I have written out just to keep all of that sh*t straight. I'm not a multi-million dollar director charged with building an entertaining and competent movie franchise. Why the f*ck aren't you doing the same sh*t i'm doing when you're supposed to be the professional???

His movies are boring and lazy.

Look, I can forgive a lot of this sh*t. I hate the Fast franchise for a lot of the same reasons I hate Michael Bay films but I adore 2Fast 2Furious and that is unanimously the worst of the bunch. I can totally turn my brain off and enjoy popcorn nonsense. Independence Day is one of my favorite movies. I rather liked Hobbs and Shaw. The Mask is f*cking hilarious but an extremely simple and flawed film. That sh*t is made by Carrey's performance and the visual effects. Con Air is my sh*t. I adore Euro Trip and Old School and Road Trip. I get it. I'm not so high brow that I can't appreciate a good, superficial, puddle deep, facsimile of a film. Again, I like The Rock. I like Bad Boys. I like the first Transformers. The thing is, those three films are the only films Michael Bay makes. Everything he's ever created, is the derivative of those three films. He's even reused shots from his films in other ones. The Island was terrible but had a dope freeway scene. He threw that sh*t in the middle of Dark of the Moon, added some CG Redshirt Decepticons, called it a day. Armageddon has the same pace as Pearl Harbor. Revenge of the Fallen is the same f*cking movie as The Rock. Every Transformers movie starts and ends with some stupid mcguffin. Pain and Gain is Bad Boys but the leads are actually bad boys. Dude recycles themes, cannibalizes his own films, and never creates outside of his comfort zone. He has no idea how to build a creative narrative. He only knows how to film-by-numbers and that makes a lot of his movies boring as sh*t to watch. They are entertaining, it's hard not to be awed by some of the sh*t he pulls off, but that explosion or cool camera pan is all there is in his movies. That's all there is in his film making because he's bad at the fundamentals of movies. It's f*cking ridiculous.

I don't like Michael Bay's way of making movies.

They're not movies. They're set pieces with bare-bones framing devices. They're commercials with three-hour runtimes. He distracts from his utter lack of substance with crazy stunts, technically astute effects, roaming shots, the most brilliant of star power, and uncomfortably overt sexism. None of his films have a plot deeper than a puddle. Not one of his films have characters who you ever really care about. Maybe Lowrey and Burnett but that's mostly because we've been with them for so long and Will Smith is real hard not to love. He got that Tom Cruise charisma but with everyone and not just Karens. Michael Bay has never written anything in his entire f*cking life. I am thoroughly convinced he has no understanding of even the basest aspects of literary storytelling which means he doesn't know how to tell a story. How can you be a visual story teller, if you do not understand the fundamental structure of story telling?? they say bay is a high-concept film director. That's a cop out. It's a nice way of saying he likes making dope looking sh*t with no f*cking plot. It's a nice way of saying he's a quack storyteller but will construct real good looking bullsh*t to watch.

He's on record saying that he makes movies for thirteen-year-olds. That's fine. You know what else is a film for thirteen-year-olds? All of the goddamn MCU! F*cking Infinity War is made for thirteen-year-olds and it's a cinematic masterpiece! How is that an excuse?? How is making movies for thirteen-year-olds somehow a panacea for Bay's sh*t storytelling and pedestrian plotting? How is that a sale for being a terrible f*cking storyteller? Iron Man is made for teenagers. The Dark Knight. Winter Soldier. Skyfall. Mission Impossible: Fallout. The goddamn Hunger Games. Harry f*cking Potter! You can't say your movies suck because they're for kids, when there are films made for kids that sh*t on your entire filmography. Avengers: Endgame has made more money than any movie in history and it's the most superficial film in all of the MCU. Do you know why it made that much money and is beloved even with it's very blatant cinematic flaws? Because it tells a f*cking story! Endgame is a whole ass film. It's a  resolution to an entire narrative arc. The characters are well written and we learned to care for them over the course of that MCU ride. People f*cking hate Sam Witwicky. They hate him! The POV character in you multi-billion dollar franchise, is hated throughout the entire fandom, from the begging to the end. Same is never redeemed. He's never given anything more to do than screaming “Optimus”, running around a battlefield, or getting exploded. This is a kid who finds out his car is a giant, alien, robot and that his great grandpa found space Satan while on an expedition in the antarctic, a hundred years ago or some sh*t. How do you not make that character interesting? How is Sam, after seeing all the sh*t he's seen in his life after meeting the Autobots, the same motherf*cker at he end of Dark of the Moon,as he was in the beginning of Transformers? How do you f*ck that up so bad?

Hell, the Fast franchise does the exact same thing Michael Bay does, only much, much, better. Those things have characters and pathos and emotion and subtlety and resolution. There's a narrative and a theme that runs through the entire nine film franchise. Those movies are high-concept, superficial fluff, but there is a heart to them all. There is an emotional anchor that ties each of those movies together. Vin Diesel does Bayhem better than Michael Bay and that sh*t is ridiculous to me. Michel Bay is an objectively bad film maker. He's great at framing a shot or building a set piece, but there is so much more to films than that and I don't think Bay cares. I think he knows he can get away with nonsense if he fills the screen with explosions and titties. Maybe not though. His last Transformers movie severely under performed, getting shredded by everyone, audience and critics, alike. He bailed on the franchise and we got Travis Knight's Bumblebee; Easily the best Transformers film since the old cartoon movie. If 6Underground is any kind of barometer for Bay's career trajectory, going straight to Netflix might be problematic. That means major studios have lost faith in is ability to put butts in seats. Maybe people are wising up to the fact he's a hack. Maybe people are voting with their wallets and voting down his cookie-cutter schlock. Maybe this will make Bay grow as a director and actually direct a story. Or maybe we'll get The Island II, now with more push-ins on barely legal girl-butt and explosions we can see from the f*cking moon. Because Michael Bay makes movies for thirteen-year-olds.