#thats all i can do for now ahahaah :(

[einlesc]

Woo--Pah!

[celestie0]

ELLIEIEIEIEIE !! hi ☺️

hru bae???? good i hope?? i mean its only been a day but things happen fast yk !

bae i fear i might’ve angered the jjk fandom with this tiktok i made…. https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTLndcoEq/ 😓😓 LITTLE DO THEY KNOW I HAVE MORE IDEAS AHAHAAH (dont tell them i told u tho 🤫🤫)

ALSO OH MY GOD I SWEAR THE UNIVERSE HAS IT OUT FOR ME. i got covid 😭 idek how though 🫠 and i have so many upcoming plans 💔💔 I FEEL FINE THOUGH SO HOPEFULLY I’LL BE OKAY BY NEXT WEEK !!

and fr bae like leaving work, or graduating, or just leaving ppl who you care about is always so bittersweet ☹️ when i graduated i wrote my music teacher 2 letters (one from just me and one from all of the seniors) and she cried when she read them 😭 then we hugged and cried a bit more 😭 she also called me a menace for ending the one from all of the seniors with “Please don’t forget about us!” 🧍‍♀️ maybe that was a bit evil on my part but like…… a few of my friends jokingly yelled at me for it BUT IF THEY DIDNT WANT ME TO SAY THAT THEY SHOULDN’T HAVE LET ME WRITE THE LETTER.

anyway bae thats all for now 💗💗 i hope you’re doing better than i am and i love u soooo much !

much love,, your deer -🦌

(heh i stole from your pun 😆)

hiii bb i’m doing well!! got a lot of chores done today so i can chill tomorrow 😼 how are youuu?

OMG THATS A SAD TIKTOK PLS I WAS HAVING A GOOD NIGHT 😭😭 why would u DO THATT. i’m so sad i just wanna give yuuji a hug :(( he’s been through too much loss at such a young age

aaa no not covid omg i didnt know people still got that xD (im just joking bahha i saw a tiktok where someone said getting covid is so “out of style” now n i thought it was insane but kinda funny lol) i hope you feel better!! drink lots of fluids

AWW that’s such a sweet thing you did for her i bet she’ll always remember that :””) i would feel so happy if i was a teacher n my students did something like that. i baked cookies for my PI bc he really likes my cookies and he appreciate it LOL. yea goodbyes are always bittersweet

love u toooo my deerling please take care of yourself!! feel better soon <3 so much love from meeee

- ellie 🦢

[thevoicesareunanimous]

11.30.2020

life is so hard for no damn reason lmao. i tried to fix my life and i moved out of my moms to better my life and now ASDKJADSFLFUCK man this sucks. my friend stays pissing me off. the one i live with of course. she constantly interrupts me. like every time i talk to her. she doesnt do it on purpose, i know that. but its so fucking annoying. even if im talking about something important. i told her just now that i realized a trigger i have and obviously it was a tense conversation and she just started talking about some random shit??? like bitch i am actively having an anxiety attack shut the fuck up. GOD DAMN i just want to scream and bitch slap her across the face. she also sucks her thumb? we’re 22. and i get that its a comfort thing. like i have stuffies that i cuddle with, but she does it in front of people. i dont know its weird. she chews with her mouth open a lot. now im just bitching and im not meaning too its just a lot. i only have two friends. and the other friend i have is my friends best friend. i tried to talk to her about madi but she straight up told me i was being disrespectful and shut me down bc shes “very protective over her. shes my sister.” not literally, but they have that kind of connection. so i cant even talk to her about it. ITS FINE I LOVE HAVING NO FRIENDS AHAHAAH ITS FUCKING GREAT besides the fact that i am constantly drowning in my own head :) its fine. thats why i come on here and scream into the void. i told the first friend about how i learned something on tiktok and her response is always “well its the internet so... it may not be true” like everytime but today i looked at her and said “im not an idiot. i looked it up” i did not but theres actual doctors and stuff who make little educational videos on tiktok and theyre legit and have legitimate credentials. she says it all the time.

the guy who coerced me into sending him nudes texted me today. its been like two months since he reached out. and like four or five since we “fought” but it wasnt really a fight. he just hurt my feelings at the end of our conversation. i kept up with him bc he validated me and my body for the first time in my life. i was insecure about my body and he made me feel so good. so ive been chasing that feeling for about two years now. so ive had several doms bc of that. its fine lmao.

i watch glee now. weird. i usually watch like,, american horror story. specifically, coven. over and over. bc im biexual. thats my comfort show. that and criminal minds. reid is my favorite. in case thats not blatantly obvious by the bottom energy that radiates from my keyboard.

oh my birthday is in a few days and my two friends keep asking me what i want to do for it and i am slightly suicidal (mostly ideation, i havent relapsed... yet?? idk) so i dont feel like celebrating. bc i dont like this life that has been forced upon me. im not doing anything i can be proud of. im trying to get better but its not working. everything i keep doing keeps falling through. its fucking annoying and frustrating to try so hard and have NOTHING FUCKING WORK OUT. but im gonna keep trying. part of me wants to know at which point i should be hospitalized. i dont know how bad i have to be in order to go. i havent done anything but the feeling is so strong. maybe then i could get a break. not have to worry about anything for a bit. its a lot and its overwhelming. i know i shouldnt fantasize about being hospitalized but im pretty desperate for some time to myself where i dont have to worry about anything except getting my head right. ughhhhhh fuck.