#the Torture Them ones are in reference to a fanfic that i am Agonizing over but one day. One day i’ll finish it

[vi-enti]

For the bingo! Gimme your avatar Chiaki

bingo twice! clearly i am very normal about chiaki

[ahiddenpath]

My Current Thoughts on Writing Fanfics

I’m so glad I’ve had this bloggity since 2012, because I can see how much my approach to writing has changed!  I wanted to touch base on where I am now, plus answer the most common questions I receive about writing fanfics beneath the cut.

Obligatory disclaimer: I’m a hobbyist writer, this is meant to be taken as opinion/reflection, not advice, different approaches work for different people, annnnd also check out my digimon fanfics (FFN and AO3).

How do I develop a regular writing habit?

I’d start by setting aside 15 minutes a day to write.  Don’t focus on word count- writing x number of words can be intimidating, but most people can sit for 15 minutes and get something down.  If you’re writing on a computer, turn off the internet and place your phone out of reach

Gradually increase the session length.

Never worry about the quality of your writing while you’re drafting.  That’s what editing and subsequent drafts are for.  I have a post on utilizing successive drafts to combat writing paralysis here, but the tl;dr is that the pressure to write a perfect story in the first draft often turns writing into an agonizing trial instead of creative play.

Your first draft is bad, period, at least compared to what it will be.  In the kindest way possible, get over it.  Your value as a writer- or as a human!- isn’t tied into your questionable first draft.  Please explore your story in the earliest stages with enthusiasm, not criticism!  You’re going to make it so much better by the time you’re finished!

How do you write so much?

See, here’s one of the biggest changes in my mindset compared to my early days as ahiddenpath.  I used to think that doing all of this writing was like... extra credit, like a stretch goal I pushed myself to achieve.  

I learned in therapy starting in 2018 that the reason I keep writing is because I have to.  I have general anxiety disorder, and my brain...  Have you seen an old-timey cartoon with a boiler?  They are drawn swollen, metal distorting with steam pressure, rivets groaning and popping free.  That’s how I feel if I don’t write.  Don’t ask me why or how, but writing is like turning a valve to release the pressure.

(Quick PSA- my therapist calls creative outlets “coping skills.”  If you feel like you have boiler brain, make time for your hobbies, no matter how tired you are.)

For me, writing is challenging play.  Although I’m often conveying messages that matter to me or exploring ideas I want to work through, and I try to make the best product I can...  I don’t take it seriously, and I don’t sweat over it.  I’m here to wander, play, and take care of myself.

So basically, I think the recipe for producing lots of writing is: regularity/habit (do it every day, even for just a little while), minimizing distractions, separating the processes of drafting and editing, turning off criticism in the early stages of drafting, and writing for yourself and your own needs.

 Do you feel embarrassed about writing fanfic?

Nope.  I write for my mental health/because it’s fun, period.  However, I also don’t tell people IRL that I write fanfic!  But I’m a private person (I don’t tell people IRL that I’m asexual, for example, and I only tell them I have anxiety if I freeze up in front of them).

Do you feel embarrassed about writing OCs/fakemon?

Hahahaha!  Look, I know there are lots of people who won’t read OCs and fakemon.  I know there are probably people who wish I would stick to more canon stuff (both in terms of OCs and my strong preference for AUs).

But I’m here to write what I want, and while it makes me happy when people read and enjoy my work...  It’s no skin off my back if they don’t.  I already fulfilled my goal of taking care of myself.

Don’t you want to get published and make money for your writing?

No, not at this time.  For everyone who has said that I have the writing skill to be published, thank you so very much.  That’s so kind, and I truly appreciate it!

But...  The United States has the enormous capitalistic attitude problem that endeavors are only worthwhile if they generate capital.  I can’t even begin to tell you how damaging this concept is- literally, I’m not equipped with the sociopolitical educational background.  

Sometimes I think I’d like to become a published novelist?  But sometimes I recall that I have a dope research gig, and I wanna play around with writing in my free time.

To be clear, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t pursue your creative career dreams!!!  And, who knows, maybe some day I’ll get tired of research and want to try swapping to the hobby/skill I’ve spent so much time refining.  Just...  Never stop doing something fun and harmless you enjoy because “it doesn’t make money.”  

I’m not gonna sit here acting like I know what the purpose of life is, but I think having fun and meeting your needs is pivotal.

Okay, so how can I support my favorite fandom content creators?

Bless you, f’real.  The easiest way is to comment on their stuff.  For meta writers, leave comments, engage, ask questions.  For fanfiction writers, leave reviews.  I have so many lovely folks who chat with me over Tumblr or discord after reading my stuff, which is so great.  But it’s hard to find those sweet messages later.  I can always click on reviews any time I need a little positive reinforcement/boost.  So, even if you’re going to talk to the writer later...  Leave that review!

If the content producer uses social media, reblog their stuff to give them more exposure.  Likes are for you, so you can find a post later.  Reblogs are for the creators, so other people can see their work.

Things like fanart, fanfic of fanfic, cosplays, and other... fan content of fan content make our year, I promise!  We love that so stinkin’ much!

Some fan content producers have a ko-fi and/or a patreon, so sometimes there are monetary ways to show appreciation.

If you’re intimated by a content producer, please remember that we are all massive dorkasauruses.  I absolutely guarantee it.

How do you have so many ideas?!

Ah, I have a Future Projects page on my blog- I don’t think pages work on mobile.

But here’s the secret: ideas are the easy part.  They are literally a dime a dozen.  Heck, there are AU generators!  Just pick characters out of a hat and use an AU generator and bam, you’re off!  And even then, you don’t need a real idea to start writing!  I launched Four Years on the thought of, “hahaha, wouldn’t it be a mess if the Chosen went to college together?!”

We’re writing fanfic; we’re here to play.  There’s no need to crush yourself with the expectation that you must write the next hit thriller plot.

In my opinion, the much better question is: how do you manage your projects such that you complete them?

So, uh, how do you manage your projects?

I’ve established that I write fanfic to play and to take care of myself, but I do want to grow as a writer along the way.  And the best way to learn how to craft narratives is to practice completing them.  If you launch stories over and over and only write roughly 1/4 to 1/3 of the way through the story...  All you’re practicing is how to start a story.

When I first started writing as ahiddenpath, I did exactly zero planning (see the Four Years reference above).  I ended up with longfics stretching as long as 400K+ words- that’s over six novels (based on the average adult fiction novel length)!!!!!  It is so daunting to work on longfics, because you feel like the ending is nowhere to be seen.

SO most of my pointers circle around always writing towards your ending, even before you start!

-Decide what you want to say with your story before you start writing.

First, “what you want to say” doesn’t have to be a big, grand theme.  It can be as big as “how the trauma of their adventures impacted them after” or as small as “I think these dorks would have a good time at laser tag.” 

I’m not talking about a detailed outline (in fact, I personally hate outlines).  Just know what your story is about and make sure what you write points to it.  If you can make the structure of your story mimic your theme, even better!  But no worries if that doesn’t work out, it’s not always possible.

-Write linearly

The best way to keep moving along in your story is just to... keep writing it in order.  This helps achieve regular updates, and prevents you from potentially “losing” material if you change your mind about the plot before reaching the bit you wrote already.  This happened to me so frequently that I stopped writing ahead of myself.  If I have an idea, I write it down, but I don’t draft future scenes.  In my experience, they often never see the light of day.

I’m told people often write the bit of the story they most want to write first?  If you have a single scene that you’re really longing to write, but you don’t know how to get there/don’t want to write the rest...  May I suggest that you... don’t write the rest?  If your scene works as a oneshot, write that oneshot!  Don’t torture yourself with a lot of writing you don’t want to do.  Most often, people end up forcing their way through 1-4 chapters, then stalling before ever reaching the Good Bit. 

A moment of silence for all of the unwritten Good Bits out there.  Now, some Enya.

If you can’t reduce Good Bit setup to a oneshot, reduce as much as possible.  I think that sometimes, people underestimate the incredible advantages of writing fanfiction?  Everyone knows your characters already, and maybe even the setting, if you keep it canon.  You can cut out the setup and dive right into what you want to do with the characters! 

-Think about the structure of your story before you start

Considering the structure of your story is a fantastic way to estimate how long it will be/ensure that there is an ending in sight from the start.  For example, in Voices, I covered a single school year in Japan, writing a diary entry for a different Chosen every day, so I knew that I would write the story for roughly a year.  After August had one chapter per Chosen, so each child could help Taichi deal with his post Adventure trauma in their own way, plus an opening and closing chapter.  My Tri story, Tri: Integrity Lens, is written and posted in installments covering each Tri movie.

It’s fine if no particular structure strikes you.  I could see forced structure turning into a gimmick, you know?  But if it naturally works out, it’s a great way to have a solid idea of how much story is ahead of you before you start, and where the story will end.  And being cognizant of how and when a story ends from chapter one yields a tighter, shorter fic, one that you’re more likely to complete.

-Consider writing in batches/sections before posting

So lately, I’ve been experimenting with how I deliver fanfic updates.  I mentioned that my Tri fic follows the Tri movies.  Each movie is covered with a few 3,000-6,000 word updates that I post every other week.  I cover an entire movie before posting any of it, and then I plan to take a break in between movies to work on either the next movie or a different fic.

AND THIS IS SO GREAT!  Having large chunks of my story written is such a fantastic way to do things!  I keep thinking of little details I can add/things I should mention and noticing inconsistencies I can fix before posting.  Giving myself a larger picture and time to mull over it by spreading out updates is making a huge difference for me.

Plus, giving yourself little breaks between installments can help keep you fresh and motivated, while leaving your audience waiting at a nice, natural stopping point.  Plus, this way they know that you haven’t just... up an vanished or dropped a story.  You’re just taking an announced break.

How do you plan stories?

I believe I mentioned hating outlines.  I personally respond best to “structured freedom.”  I focus on things like: what are my themes/what do I want to say, how will the characters grow or regress, how is this story structured or formatted, what is the overall tone and mood.  Other than that, I keep things fluid...  Which is why it’s so important for me to enforce some kind of ending point before I begin.

Basically, for me, too much planning = a boring slog where I can’t inject the moods and ideas of the day into my work without derailing meticulous plans.  Too little planning = longfic hell.  I’m guessing that everyone has to decide for themselves where they land on this continuum!  Exploration is vital.

Okay, I am out of steam for today.  If you have any other writing/fanfic questions you’d like answered, please let me know!  Here are some other resources I’ve made.

-Combating writing paralysis with successive drafts

-Dishing with an artist

-Tips for Fanfic Authors

-More Tips for Fanfic Authors

-Tips for Winning Nanowrimo

-Resources/Advice for Digimon Adventure Fanfic Writers

[sand1128]

FanFic: Focused on Friar

A/N: Focused on Friar (The Friar Files) will be a peek inside the mind of Lucas Friar. Who he is, his family, his background, who he believes in and what he thinks about when all else is quiet.

Many thanks to @gmwpluto who is not only a constant support but is solely responsible for the reference to the song “The Dance” that is included towards the end of Part 1.

As always, thanks @zombeeegurl  @drizzyjayy  @frankchurchillsaysrelax      @winterliley  @shebe67 @dream--try--do-good @saltyrucasfan  @imaginarybird for being the best sounding board I could ask for.  

Special thanks to @softlucasfriar for the amazing header pic.

Not Goodbye- Part 1

It was nearing 10pm when Lucas climbed into his bed wearing his traditional lounge pants and tank top.

Since choosing each other at the Ski Lodge, he and Riley had settled into a nighttime routine. Every night at 10pm Riley would call and they would talk about everything and nothing. It was their time. No outside interruptions...no friends butting in. It was just them. They would talk until she gradually dozed off, it was later than 10 after all... Lucas would listen to her breathe for a few minutes just to make sure she was really asleep (sometimes she would nod off just for a minute or 2) he would then whisper "Love you Bean" as he ended the call. It was a tradition that they both loved and looked forward to.

Little did he know that tonight's call would send him into a nightmare and leave his heart at his feet. After he answered with his customary "Hey Bean" his heart stopped when he heard her crying. In a broken whisper, she told him that she needed to see him now.

He jumped out of bed, threw a hoodie & sneakers on, grabbed his phone and ran down the stairs, yelling for his mom, pure panic etched into his features.

Lizzie Friar was enjoying her nightly cup of tea when Lucas flew down the stairs.

"Lucas! What is it?"

"Something's wrong with Riley Mom! I have to go!"

"Slow down. Tell me what's going on"

"She's hysterical crying and she told me that she needs to see me now. I'm going"

He crossed his arms in front of his chest as if he was expecting an argument.

"Do you want me to drive you?" Lizzie asked now on edge herself.

"No thanks Momma. I can get there faster if I run" Lucas leans in to kiss her on the cheek.

"Be careful my boy. Call me if either of you need me. I'll be waiting for you to come home. Give Riley my love." 

"I will." Lucas exclaims as he runs out the door.

Lizzie sits back down in her recliner and gets lost in her memories of Lucas, before he met Riley and after. As she shakes herself out of her reverie, she offers up a silent prayer that everything is OK. She's quite fond of Riley and her family. She knows that Lucas loves Riley and she can admit to herself that she's scared that whatever is happening is going to throw her baby boy into a tailspin. He barely made it through the "triangle" with his sanity intact. The only thing that kept him going was knowing that it had always been Riley. 

It was well after Midnight when she heard the front door open and quietly close. She waited for Lucas to come into the living room, anxious to find out what was happening. After what seemed to be hours of agonizing silence, but was only a minute or two, she heard something fall to the floor. Rushing into the foyer, she stopped in her tracks when she saw Lucas, sitting on the floor, back to the door, head in his hands.

"Lucas?" She asked quietly trying to keep her worry at bay.

Lucas lifted his head and in that moment Lizzie knew that something terrible was happening. The last time she saw that look on her son's face was when they told him that they were leaving Texas. Her heart in her throat she called his name again.

"Lucas? What is it? Is Riley ok? Talk to momma son. What can I do to help?" 

Her heart broke for him as he looked up and said "She's ok mom but I'm not."

Lizzie interrupts frantically "What does that mean? Did she break up with you?" There's no way they broke up... especially after everything they have been through.

"Yes...no....maybe.... it looks like she's moving mom" Lucas explains in a tortured whisper.

"Moving? To where?" Puzzled as to why her son looked so devastated she was taken aback when he answered "London"

"Oh Lucas" she whispers as she walks to his side.

Lucas looks up at his mother, pain evident in his eyes and asks the question guaranteed to break her heart. "Why is this happening to me mom? Is this because of who I used to be? Is this my fault? Waiting until we were ready, the triangle and now this.... why am I being punished?"

Lizzie sinks to the floor and pulls his head to her chest... "No son. This is not your fault. None of this is. You are so much more than your past. And almost everything that's happened with Riley is because of your feelings for her. Until now, everything has happened because you wanted to protect her....because you love her. You're not being punished baby. Punishment would have been never meeting Riley at all or losing her because of what so many thought was your "indecisiveness".... now tell Momma everything that happened at Riley's and we will figure out what we need to do." 

“When I got there, she was already crying in the window. As soon as I sat down, she climbed on my lap, threw her arms around me and started to cry even harder. I looked to see if she was hurt and when I didn’t see anything wrong I asked her if she was hurt. She grabbed my hand and put it over her heart and said that’s where she hurt. I was so scared Momma then she took a deep breath and told me about London. Her mom was named the head of her firm’s London office.” Lucas explains as he stares into space.  “She told me that she is so proud of her mom and that as much as she doesn’t want to go she must put on a happy face for her mom.”

“What did you say son?”

“I couldn’t say anything. I was trying not to break down myself. I just held her as she cried. Between my rubbing her back and the crying she ended up falling asleep. The last thing she told me is that she wants to pretend that nothing is wrong. That nothing is happening.”

“Anything else happen or is that everything?”

Lucas looks at his mom bashfully and continues “After I placed her on her bed, I brushed the hair from her face, gave her a kiss and whispered I love you…. when I stood up, her dad was standing there.”

“Since you have both shoes on, I take it he didn’t freak out?”

“Funny mom. No, he didn’t. He just looked at me and said “It will be OK Lucas.” I didn’t say anything in return. I just tilted my head and went back out the bay window. How can he say it will be ok mom? How can it be ok? She’ll be in London and I’ll be here. I wasted so much time mom. Time that we could have spent together…. instead I was stuck in the middle of that nonsense and for what? To lose her anyway?” Lucas rests his head on his mother’s shoulder and sighs. She could feel the tension running through his body and wishes she could spare her child this pain. She let him wallow in his silence for a moment and then did what every mother must do to her child at some point…. she got real.

She needed to bring him back to reality and quickly...needed him to focus on what was truly important.

"Knowing what you know now… if you could go back in time and erase meeting Riley…would you?”

Lucas was deathly silent for a moment and then jumping to his feet he exploded... "Are you nuts? Erase meeting her? Hell no. She's one of the reasons I am who I am now. She's not just my girlfriend or some girl I love...She's my best friend...."

"And no matter where she is Lucas she will always be your best friend. Now mind your tongue... I understand that you are hurting but I won't let you sass me again." If she ever had any doubts about how her son felt about Riley, that quick glimpse of Texas Lucas erased them all. Lizzie knew that side of him only appeared lately when Riley was involved. She knows it’s because he doesn't know how to control himself when it comes to her.... she's the first person outside of his immediate family that he cares so much about that the thought of anything happening to her is enough to drive him insane.

"Sorry Momma. I didn't think before I spoke. I can't imagine what my life would be like if I had never met her." Lucas falls silent again.

 “Don’t let it happen again. Lucas, I can only imagine how you must be feeling right now. I know how much Riley means to you. I know how much you agonized over making sure she wouldn’t be hurt by anything you did. You know everything happens for a reason.... and while we may not know the reason why at this point- we have to have faith that fate knows what it's doing. Neither you nor Riley believe in coincidences but do believe in something bigger. That's what you need to focus on.  You need to keep your friendship intact and if fate wants you to be together again... it will happen. Since meeting Riley, your main focus has been on your friendship. Even after that blasted trip to Texas, your greatest concern was the thought that you were losing your best friend. Yes, there were more than friendship feelings there too but you said that as long as you didn’t totally lose her, you would take whatever she was offering.  No matter where she is in this world, she can still be your best friend. It’s much easier these days with Skype, Face Time and every other app you kids are using these days. Talk to her Lucas. Let her know that no matter what happens, you guys will always be friends. Will always be each other’s first real relationship.”

“You’re right Momma. It hurts but you are right.”

“Remember when you came home from Texas and started playing the guitar again?”

“Yes”

“Remember how important the lyrics of a song became?”

“Yes”

“I want you to learn “The Dance” by Garth Brooks.”

“I know that song mom…I think everyone does.”

“Humor your momma for a second….think of the lyrics and tell me which ones I think will help you right now”

Lucas is quiet for a few minutes as he tries to think of the lyrics. Lizzie, sensing his struggle to remember the words softly starts to sing

“And now I'm glad I didn't know

The way it all would end the way it all would go

Our lives are better left to chance

I could have missed the pain

But I'd of had to miss the dance”

Lucas chimes in for the last few words and he knows with absolute certainty that the lyrics are perfect. That night as he climbed into bed he knew with absolute certainty that he was blessed to have had her for a short time as his girlfriend but even more so for having met her at all.