#the biggest constant in my life would be this show 😭

[airaayyy]

Did some quick math, if Invincible continues on in its current trajectory, with like a 2.5 year average production schedule and like 7-8 more seasons based on how the comic has been adapted I will be watching this show well into my 30s like pushing 40 which is just….crazy

[legolasvegas]

Time to scream into the void about Star Trek Discovery!!!

*Disclaimer: I’ve only watched the first season and a half.

The characters are intriguing. I love Michael Burnam and the characterization of a human raised on Vulcan, who finds empathy as the logical meaning of life and embraces it with all her power. I love the unique depiction of Klingons and hearing so much spoken Klingon. I love the alien diversity on the ship! I love the spore network, the instantaneous transport of an entire starship and the implications that has for future star travel. I love the special effects and fancy technology on the ship. I love having an old married couple on board. I like that the main character isn’t the captain! There is so much about this show to love.

I hate the show. 😭

It’s a waste of potential. It had everything it needed to be an amazing show, the best one yet. Great characters, great room for development, interesting plot. . . and they ran through it as fast as they could! Every episode was full to the brim with action. Every single scene was either an urgent situation or an intense conversation.

WHYYYYYY?!?!?!

You can’t maintain engagement in characters if we never get to know these characters. And all we ever see of these characters is how they act in an emergency. I’m not excited about the intense action scene because every other scene has been the same. There’s no balance, no variety of tone. And where’s the fun?

Star Trek needs filler episodes.

Suru’s return home was an amazing episode! But it should have been 40 episodes in, the equivalent of a late season 2 on a show with longer seasons. I couldn’t bring myself to care about this climatic episode about this interesting character, because I barely know the character. His history and biological quirks should have been sprinkled through more episodes, with some B plots focused on him and his day-to-day emotions/dealings as the only Kelpian on a mostly-human ship. And THEN we could could’ve slowly gathered information on the crisis at Kelpian over a few episodes, leading up to the episode they chose to air. Can you imagine how much more powerful that reveal would be?

Star Trek NEEDS filler episodes. A constant emotional state of high-stakes-and-immediate-danger is not sustainable for a story. Where’s my cranky engineer who’s biggest problem today is yet another broken replicator. Where are my goofy shore-day shenanigans? Where’s my lightheartedness? WHERE’S MY FUN?

And it’s worse because I know, I KNOW, they are doing it to rival Marvel and Star Wars and all these other shitty franchises that are just pumping out content. And now they are the ones making shitty shows. Instead of 4 separate shows and a cartoon and blah blah blah, they could have made one, GOOD, Star Trek show true to its original, slower format. And Picard could have been in it! As a reoccurring minor character/admiral whatever.

But that brings me to my other complaint, which is that this current Star Trek revival is relying too much on nostalgia and not doing it’s own writing. Because people are already inclined to like Spock/Pike as characters, they spend less character development time onscreen and we only see the action-mode side of them. But it’s lazy! I don’t need to know more about Spock and overlap with episodes from the origianl series. I want to know about NEW aliens and NEW plotlines.

But mostly I miss the fun.

[septembersghost]

Hi! I just wanted to say that as someone who also struggles with depression /anxiety disorder, suicidal ideation, self-esteem issues and CFS (plus ADHD on top of that lol) I understand how hard and frustrating it can be to go through everyday life, and painful to the point where fiction (TV shows, music, books) becomes the only source of solace and comfort. No matter what anyone might say, our attachment or love for them isn't somehow less because they are imaginary. You're valid, ad your feelings are absolutely valid too. I'm sorry to hear you're struggling with insomnia and isolation as well, and I'm sorry to hear about your dad. I wish him to recover soon, and also hope that you and your family will be okay. You're a very brave, a very strong, kind and sweet person, you also have a brilliant, insightful mind and I'm honored to know you (even if it's just in a virtual Tumblr space). Your blog has become my source of comfort too, in time of especially trying and anxiety-filled days. I'm wishing you all the best and sending you lots of hugs and lots of love ❤️ May September bring you joy and peace. Be safe.

sweetheart 🥺😭💕 this is incredibly kind - i teared up reading it, and my mom asked me if everything was okay, so i let her read it and she cried too! good tears though ;___;

thank you very much for your thoughtfulness, and for sharing your own struggles and understanding with me so openly. it's hard to fully explain sometimes what it's like living with certain conditions to people who haven't experienced them, but knowing others get it and that we're not alone is a source of solace, even though i wish you didn't have to go through that and that it could be alleviated for you. 💙 and of course the physical difficulties impact the mental ones, then vice versa, it's such an interconnected cycle. it's especially difficult to grapple with those things when they're "invisible" - no one can see you're hurting or ill, but that doesn't mean it isn't real and often exhausting.

what you told me is the same i would say to you - you are completely valid and worthwhile and deserving, and your thoughts and feelings matter, and your love for fiction and art is absolutely real and consoling. the tag i use, "the consolation of imaginary things," is only half a quote. the full quote is: the consolation of imaginary things is not imaginary consolation. those comforts are SO important, not only because they give us escape and something to love, but because they make us think, they exercise our empathy, and even when we might be isolated in other ways, they provide us connection to one another. the grace of having a link to someone like you is entirely because of a story that we love! that's amazing, i truly believe there's a magic in that. it's so wondrous that we can meet and know one another - even if the space is virtual, it's real too! we're expressing ourselves and writing instant letters to one another. i consider that a constant blessing in my life.

i'm so grateful and touched by your lovely words and well wishes, and it's an honor to know you too. if my silly little blog can provide you any comfort, it makes it infinitely more meaningful to me. there is such a sense of joy in that and it reminds me how worthwhile it is to be here. you all certainly bring light to my days! i wish the same joy and peace to you, and i hope september wraps you up in warmth and contentment and happy moments! please remember you're welcome to stop by any time and that i'm sending love and the biggest hugs back your way.

[emometalhead]

Bees - what’s your go to spring outfit?

Changes - what signals the changing of the seasons to you? 

Fun Facts - what’s something people would never guess about you?

Grass - do you get hayfever or spring allergies?

Love - what’s your love language?

Pride  - what is something you’re proud of?

Quaint - do you prefer the city, countryside, or suburbs?

<3

Hi Arnold!! Thank you so so much for asking!!!! 🥰🖤

Bees - I love a long dress with spaghetti straps!! I'll put some favorites under the cut!!

Changes - The biggest thing I notice in the shift from winter to spring is increased wind and worsened allergies. I have awful allergies all year, but that spring pollen hits different 😭. Also the greenery!! I live in a very agricultural area, and my city is particularly tree filled so green leaves are a good sign of the season!!

Fun Facts - I had a very short fuse and limited filter when I was younger. I'd like regularly argue and yell at people at school. (Mostly racist, homophobic, misogynistic bigots. I don't regret it, but I have since realized how much danger I put myself in back then.)

Grass - I have awful allergies year round!! They're definitely worse with the wind spreading pollen in the spring, but they are constant. I've taken allergy medicine every day for as long as I can remember. I literally sneezed typing this 😭.

Love - Gift giving is my biggest way of showing love. Quality time is my preferred way to receive love.

Pride - I'm proud of myself for making it through this semester. I've had a lot going on in my personal life since the beginning of the year, and I'm really impressed with myself for mostly staying on top of my work and keeping my grades up.

Quaint - I love the city!! I want to move into a big city once I am able to leave my parent's house. I think the countryside would drive me crazy. I'm too social of a person. I've lived in what I would call Rural Suburbs my entire life, and I'm just bored of it! There's nothing here.

Only the last pic is recent, hence the dyed hair lol

[multifandomishere]

I posted 180 times in 2022

That's 128 more posts than 2021!

13 posts created (7%)

167 posts reblogged (93%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@sosuperawesome

@adrianasunderworld

@ursminor

@raven-at-the-writing-desk

@suryo-malep

I tagged 36 of my posts in 2022

#twisted wonderland - 25 posts

#twst - 20 posts

#twst oc - 17 posts

#disney twisted wonderland - 14 posts

#twisted wonderland oc - 9 posts

#omar eumelia - 7 posts

#vil schoenheit - 6 posts

#original character - 5 posts

#kalim al asim - 4 posts

#twst nrc - 4 posts

Longest Tag: 71 characters

#spent so much time of getting the uniform right and i can finally sleep

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

So not only are we getting a black little mermaid but we also getting a afro-latina princess too?!?!?!??!?!?

6 notes - Posted September 9, 2022

#4

First time in a while since I made an oc, so why not make one for my newest obsession. Take a hint about what character I twisted

9 notes - Posted August 5, 2022

#3

Omar Eumelia (Twisted from Calliope from Hercules & Orpheus)

[Ramshackle Dorm]

Omar Eumelia

Age: 17

Best Subject: Music, Astrology, History of Magic

Birthday: September 6 ♍️ (Virgo)

Class: Freshman, Class A

Club: Pop Music, Film Research

Height: 5'10" (178 cm)

Hobby: Poetry, Stargazing

Homeland: Merkai Hills

Likes: Stories, Music, Animals

Dislikes: Being left out, Sailing, Extreme Violence

Unique Magic: ??? (TBD)

His songs can charm about anything even luring those into a slumber. Even allowing his opponents to drop their defenses. It's most powerful while playing an instrument and based on his emotions, his eyes seem to shine brighter when he's happy.

(I wasn't expecting this to take this long but I'm glad with the result I got. Honestly I have so many ideas about his backstory and I wish I had someone I can rant about it with 😭)

16 notes - Posted August 25, 2022

#2

MORE OMAR INFO!

Name: Omar Eumelia

Nicknames: Beluga (Floyd), Monsieur Barde (Rook)

Race/Species: Human

Age: 17

Gender: Male

Alignment: Neutral Good

Class/Job: Class 1-A, Ramshackle Student

5'10" Height

Stats Template Here!

my handwriting is awful so I'll write down here

And extra notes about each relationship

Deuce - Mama's Boy Club (mom appreciation squad, also comforted him when he realized the horrid truth of what eggs are)

Cater - Club Member (constantly being filmed for magicam and teaching Omar how to play guitar, had long deep conversations during club practices sometimes)

Azul - Greedy Octopus (never leave his lyre behind. EVER. the second he offered a contract in exchange for his talents or his lyre meant he could never trust him, again would rather DIE than give anything to azul)

Floyd - BEWARE (scares him the most, absolutely HATES being squeezed and barely escapes from his grasp)

Kalim - Club Member (HEADBAND BUDDIES, also the biggest life of he party together, annoy jamil with constant singing that distract kalim from studying)

Jamil - On thin ice (trust issues since book 4, hurting kalim is a big one but eventually comes to understand where jamil's coming from)

Vil - Inspiration (no seriously, he just admires all the hardwork, talent, and how beautiful he is. Honestly nothing more, positive, maybe owns some of his movies and magicam stan account NOT NOPE TOTALLY NOT SOMETHING HE DOES)

Rook - ????? (man makes him so conflicted every single time they interact, is he flirting or just being rook. probably the latter...right?)

Idia - One sided (have one headcanon they've met once when they were kids and Omar really want to reconnect, introvert and extrovert friendship are 👌🏾, insert someone will die of fun meme here)

Ortho - Wants brother to be all friends (best wing man for his brother to have more friends, shows him his favorite video games)

Lilia - Club Member (actually knew his great great grandmother back in the day, slowly converts Omar to become a metalhead, also proud he's one of malleus's friend)

Relationship Chart Here

24 notes - Posted September 11, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Vil is definitely someone who listens to Marina and the Diamonds, it just makes too much sense

36 notes - Posted September 13, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[jessiescourt]

Lol, they prolly want to drop it bc they hate dealing with these people so much. It’s almost impossible to rehabilitate them bc they are so fucking delusional. These are the people who show up at your house in the middle of the night balling their eyes out bc you haven’t responded immediately to their text at 3am, lol!! They are the stage-five clingers. They are super immature. They look like adults but their mind is functioning at a 7th grade level🤣🤣 which also means they are super insecure & they have no sense of identity, they desperately need everyone else to tell them who they are. & they are so fucking delusional & far gone, even the Doctors hate having them as patient😭😭😭🚩🚩🚩 Everything is a big dramatic catastrophe to them. Normal life probs that healthy minded adults deal with every single day is the end of the fucking world to BPDs🤣🤣😭😭 & my God, Breakups are absolutely unbearable bc they are losing their supply &, again, their sense of self since everyone else is in charge of telling them who they are🤣🤣🤡🤡🚩🚩💩💩🚽🚽 BPD are seriously the biggest pieces of shits in the world. They drive me nuts with their constant making mountain out of molehills & ironically this is why everyone gets sick of them & leaves them! So they Crying in the corner bc a someone doesn’t like them & fail to understand it’s their psycho clingy behavior that makes the people run, lol!! that is the most pathetic shit & honestly that shit is their choice bc they could be proactive about their mental health but bc they are so delusional they see no prob with their behavior & that is why everyone leaves them!!! EVEN YHE DOCTORS! You can’t help someone who is lying to themself & doesn’t see a problem with their actions, but most def— stalking, harassing, & psychically assaulting people IS NEVER OKAY! It is a major 🚩🚩🚩🚩 you are not fucking right in the head!!!! So Good luck finding a doc bc even they can’t stand yo ass🤣🤣😭😭 my advice would be read 1000000 books & learn to help your fucking self bc that is essentially the root of your prob you think it’s everyone else responsibility to save you, TO COMPLETE YOU, & that is the most fucking selfish a person could possibly be….

[jimilter]

cyanide on my bedsheets (m) | k.nj.

pairing:  kim namjoon x reader

rating:  m (18+)

genre:  smut | angst | fwb!au 

summary:  You didn’t voluntarily choose to have feelings for your best friend of over a decade. But you did voluntarily choose to fall in bed with him, knowing he didn’t feel the same. And now, every encounter with him is just another push at the knife he has permanently lodged in your heart.

warnings:  swearing + unrequited love + dom!joon + sub!reader + explicit sexual situations (unprotected penetrative sex, dirty talk, f&m oral, spanking, orgasm denial, overstimulation, slight manhandling, creampie) + careless aftercare + unhappy ending

word count:  8 k

submission for the July Games hosted by House Taeros.

❂ “To The Lighthouse”           ⁂ Hosted by: Professor Bee @inkedtae through @bangtansorciere 

⤐  AU Type: Ships in the Night - Unrequited Love ⤐  Themes: Secret Relationship | Slice of Life ⤐  Kinks: Clit Biting, Spanking, Face Fucking, Pain Kink, Size Kink, Dirty Talk, Overstimulation, Degradation.

note:  my first submission for the network!!! this was supposed to be a drabble and then the word count ran away from me, smh, but what’s new? this is an ANGSTY baby, y’all! 😩 — firstly, a HUGE THANKS to @getmemyfries noor bby for being my constant hype girl, listening to me rant about the angst and yell about joon’s sexiness and helping me with every darn thing she could possibly help me with. 🥺💕 — another big AF thank to @hisunshiine vanessa for giving me such amazing clues and pointers for the name of the fic! 😭❤ — and finally, the biggest one yet - @bangtanhome​ MOON, MY LOVE!!! thank you so so SO much for reading this through and boosting my limping confidence! you’re really so freakin’ precious for looking it over so quickly and so expertly and helping me brush it up! 🥺😭💕 also, the title’s a play on lyrics from frank ocean’s “bad religion” that nessa recommended me to look into!

spotify playlist here ❤

— masterlist

— feedback is always appreciated!

You are pushed against the wall the second you step into the house.

“Namjoon, for fuck’s sake—”

“You’re insane for thinking you still get to talk to me like this after all that show.”

The ‘all that show’ happens to be you laughing a bit too loud at Namjoon’s cousin when he made his lame jokes at the party you two are just returning from.

Ignoring the shiver that runs down your spine at his warning, you narrow your eyes at him. He’s insane for thinking you’d just bend over for him after all the knowledge you’ve acquired tonight.

“Must I remind you it was your parents that introduced me to him,” you snap, letting your true feelings show. “Something tells me you could’ve stopped them, Joon.”

After nearly a year of you rolling in bed with him, Namjoon’s parents still had zero clue of the status you held in his life. Now, you didn’t expect him to profess his undying love and ask his parents to fix your wedding or something, but cluing them in even a little bit would have been appreciated. You’d at least told your mom that you slept with your best friend, if not the ensuing emotional turmoil you were subjected to. She was very worried about your dynamics initially, but when the two of you acted seemingly normal around each other when you two went to your hometown for Christmas, she got off your case.

But Namjoon’s mom and dad were still under the impression that his son had a sister-like best friend in the form of you. Talk about feeling humiliated.

And tonight, his mom proposed her sister’s son, Seok-something, as a prospective partner to you because you’ve been single for a long time. All the while, Namjoon stood there, in between his mom and his cousin, and didn’t utter a single word of protest as she basically forced you into Seok-something’s arms. Namjoon didn’t even look at you, not once.

It hurt like a bitch.

Looking at the whole picture, now, you should be the angry one. And you were. You blew some steam off by interacting a bit too much with Seok-something, and relishing the covert death glares you spotted Namjoon throwing your way over his cousin’s shoulder.

Eventually, though, you were too tired on your pencil heels and too emotionally drained to socialise anymore, and decided to leave the party. Namjoon had followed you to your car, not saying a single word as he slid into the passenger’s seat. He kept shut the entire way to your duplex, too, head turned away to look out the window. 

You thought he was probably pissed and tired like you and needed to get out of the party, even if it was his own grandparents’ fiftieth anniversary gala. You two were childhood best friends before anything else, after all.

But now, looking at him, you realise he is more than pissed. He’s furious. And for some reason, he doesn’t look all that tired, either.

“And unhand me, I need to take off these death traps.” 

You push at him and he grudgingly steps away, jaw set as he turns away to lock the door. 

You walk into your coat closet and sit on your haunches to take off your heels. It’s slightly difficult with the form fitted slip dress you wear, but you manage.

You haven’t missed how he hasn't responded to your jab about him being able to stop his parents. You believe it is because he doesn’t actually have anything to say to it — he hasn’t told his parents because there isn’t anything worth telling them about. And even if you put aside the fact the feeling is most certainly not mutual on this front, it still stings for multiple other reasons, too.

Isn’t this behavior disrespectful to the friendship you two have shared for all these years? You told your mother because you felt so. The same cannot be said for Namjoon, apparently.

You walk out of the coat closet, sighing in relief when your bare feet flatten against the cold marble floor. Namjoon is leaning against the kitchen counter, suit jacket and tie off, the top button of his navy shirt undone and the rest straining against his buff chest. His hands are tucked in his grey slacks as he crosses one foot over the other. His short hair is dyed a gorgeous shade of grey and a few strands brush the top of his brow when he looks away from his feet to focus his eyes on you.

He looks too fucking hot to handle, and you feel weakness seep into your knees. 

Trying to put on a brave face, you ignore the heat of his gaze and walk into the kitchen. His shoulders look even bigger from behind — bulkier, rounder and broader than you’ve seen them last.

“Want something to drink?” you ask in a mumble, opening the fridge to get yourself a drink of water.

He doesn’t say anything, just very quietly turns in his place to face you. You hold his stare for a few seconds as you shut the fridge. But then it gets too intense and you have to look down at the bottle in your hands.

“Joon, I—”

“My parents want Seokjin hyung to court you.” 

Ah, so that was his name — Seokjin. “I figured as much.”

Namjoon looks at the kitchen counter between the two of you. “They think you two would be a good match.”

He looks dejected and you are irritated by the audacity. You felt like shit the whole night because Namjoon hid the gritty details of your dynamics with him from his parents, making you feel like he’s ashamed of you. He is in the wrong, here. Why does he get to sulk, too?

You shrug your shoulders. “Maybe we would be, who knows.”

You don’t mean much by the comment, tossing it mostly off-handedly to prompt Namjoon to keep talking. But Namjoon doesn't take it so off-handedly.

His eyes flash with a warning, jaw tightening.

In all honesty, it should turn you off, make you walk away from whatever this toxicity between the two of you is. But you’ve always been a weak bitch when it comes to him.

“He won’t last one night with you.” His words rumble low in his throat, absolute certainty spilling off each syllable.

Shit. You squeeze your thighs together.

“He wouldn’t know what to do with himself, much less you. He’d be shredded to pieces before you’re even wet, babygirl. You know that.”

You look away from the challenging glint in his eyes, nerve endings tingling at the pet name. You know it to your bones that he is right in his claims. And not just in the context of Seokjin, either. The way Namjoon takes command of you in bed has ruined you for all the men in the world.

But the brat in you doesn’t want to accept that reality.

You walk up to the kitchen counter and brace your hands on it. Leaning in, you raise a taunting brow at Namjoon. “What if I enjoy it? What if I like shredding him to pieces for me?”

It’s all bullshit, but the surprise that washes over Namjoon’s face satisfies you beyond explanation. 

He scoffs at you, the next second. “You happen to be the biggest sub in the whole world, babygirl. Are you really going to stand there, lying to my face?”

Your breath hitches. Did you take this too far?

Namjoon’s lips curve in a sardonic smile. A hand moves towards you and plucks the water bottle from your hands. 

“Joon…”

At his sharp glare, you bite your tongue.

His hand closes over your wrist, squeezing hard.

“Is that what you are supposed to call me?” 

“I — I…” You mean to scold him for pulling his dom voice on you when you’re trying to be mad at him, but words fail you.

You don’t know what is suddenly wrong with you. You hate it when your mind gets like this. Namjoon doesn’t seem to appreciate it much either, but for a wholly different reason.

Fury seeps into his gaze and he snaps his hand sideways, pulling you around the counter like a ragdoll.

“Have you forgotten how to properly use this slutty, little mouth of yours?” he hisses, empty hand coming up to clutch at your face, thumb and fingers digging into both sides of your jaw.

You gasp in pain, jaw dropping open. Namjoon grits his teeth, pressing harder until you groan in pain.

“Or is it only good enough to stuff my dick into?”

You shiver, knees buckling, ready to meet the floor and do exactly what Namjoon just mocked you about.

“No!” he snaps, tugging your arm upwards to straighten your folding knees. “Desperate, spoilt little girls don’t get to suck me.”

Your eyes swim up to his. He doesn’t look mad this time. No, his gaze has taken upon a calm severance which actually scares you more than the anger. Or excites you, if the wetness collecting between your thighs is anything to go by.

“This, off,” he commands, leaving your face and twisting a finger in the strap of your dress. "On the couch with you. Face down, ass up. You know the drill.”

Your breathing is stuttering out of you in little gasps. Just as you move to follow his command, eyes trained at your feet, Namjoon grasps your chin to tilt your face up to meet his eyes. You blink, slightly unnerved by his blank stare.

“What’s your safe word?”

You swallow. “Ruby,” you husk out.

 “Louder!” he snaps, and you jump.

“R–ruby.”

“Again, without stuttering.”

“Ruby.”

“Good. And what do you call me?”

You swallow again. “Sir.”

"Good. Now move along.”

You’re out of your dress in record time, scampering to bend over the couch with your knees pressed to the seat and forehead resting over its back, under a minute.

“No bra?” Namjoon taunts, clicking his tongue. 

You feel the heat of his body before you hear his breathing over your back. He presses a kiss at the base of your neck, taking you by surprise. He laughs at your little gasp.

“You’re wearing my favorite thong,” he clarifies.

His palm smoothes over your ass, fingers digging into your flesh. You try to regulate your breathing. No reason to get so worked up, so early in the night.

“Did you really plan to fuck him?”

Your eyes snap open at the undercurrent of vulnerability in his voice. But you quickly stomp out the sudden bloom of hope in your heart. This has happened far too many times for it to mean anything, you tell yourself.

Or, at least, you try to. 

“No, sir,” you respond honestly.

He breathes out in what sounds an awful lot like relief. But again, it might be a figment of your wishful thinking.

“Are you lying?”

“No, sir. I would never lie to you.”

You hold your breath when he doesn’t respond. And then he gives a loud, sardonic chuckle. 

“Now that is a lie in itself, babygirl. Or have you forgotten about your silly, little claim from minutes ago?”

You want to defend yourself, but you don't really have much of a defence to present. You said that to make Namjoon jealous, plain and simple. And it most definitely worked, given the position you two are in, right now. But telling him any of that is asking for a punishment worse than the one he is about to deliver, right now.

“I—I’m sorry, sir.”

“So, you admit you lied?” he hums.

His hand comes down to land across your ass in a loud thwack. A yelp stumbles out of your mouth, body lurching forward, ass stinging. Your cheeks heat up in humiliation the way they always do in such situations.

You breathe out.

And then a different kind of heat takes over. Your pulse kicks up and blood thrums pleasantly in your veins, You stuff your face further into the couch cushion, biting down on your lip.

"Look at you trembling." Namjoon scoffs. "What an absolute slut. Can't even punish her properly because she enjoys it."

You clench your teeth against his words, but he isn't actually wrong, is he?

Another slap lands on your other buttcheek. You are pushed into the couch, knees chafe a bit from the abrasion from the rough fabric of the seat cover.

But your body is singing with pleasure. 

"The way you were pushing this pretty, little ass into him." Namjoon's words are muffled by his gritted teeth. "Wanted to do this right there, in front of him."

A high pitched keen leaves you on the next slap.

"Wonder what he'd say if he could see you now, huh. Pretty ass all red and in the air for me. Only me."

He suddenly grabs your ass in his large palms, squeezing your smarting skin, causing more hurt than comfort. But you believe that that is his purpose.

He pulls one hand off to bring it back down with another resounding smack. And then alternates between both hands, delivering loud, hard slaps onto your buttcheeks and then massaging your stinging skin harshly enough for it to hurt more.

"Who does this ass belong to, babygirl?"

You're nearly sobbing, already lost count of the spanks he's delivered you. You're grateful he didn't make you count, or you'd be screwed.

"Y–you, sir," you breathily stammer. "Ju–just you."

"That's right. And so does this pussy."

Your thong is pulled to a side, cool air hitting your wet pussy before warm air replaces it. Your breath hitches.

Is he…?

Namjoon's lips meet your heated center in a loud slurp, tongue slipping into you. You shriek a garbled curse, half in surprise and half from the sudden onslaught of sensations.

But then he is gone.

"Wha…?" 

You deliriously try to look over your shoulder.

And then you freeze. 

You are not supposed to look at him when he's punishing you. His instructions have always been clear. But in your confused, horny state, you promptly forgot.

Namjoon is looking straight at you, and his eyebrow ticks up when your eyes meet. His lips form a smirk.

"You really fucking love getting your ass spanked don't you, my little slut?"

You do, without a single doubt. But you didn't intentionally try to riot, this one time. You quietly bring your face back in to press against the cushion.

"I'm sorry, sir," you mumble into it.

"You will be, baby."

And then Namjoon's hand delivers a slap directly between your thighs.

You scream, head craning back and back arching as the sting travels through your pussy to spread like hot molten pleasure all over your body.

"Fuck, look at that," Namjoon growls, two fingers moving to press against your clit. "You're creaming my hand, baby. You loved that, didn't you?"

You can only whimper in response, arching your ass towards him for increased friction.

"So fucking filthy. And you thought that prissy, uptight, son of a bitch could handle you?"

You never did. Not for a single second.

You suddenly decide to come clean.

"No."

Namjoon's stills. "What?"

"I never thought that," you speak into the cushion, your voice slightly hoarse but still perfectly coherent. "Just – just said that to rile you up." You pause. Exhale. And then add, "sir."

Namjoon's intake of breath is crisp between the two of you.

"We'll, consider me riled the fuck up, baby."

A thick arm wraps around your waist to lift you up and toss you on the couch on your back. You blink up at the huge man crowding over you, skin heating up at the sight of his broad torso over your tiny one.

Namjoon could snap you in half with bare minimum effort. The thought probably shouldn't tighten your core with arousal the way it does.

"You really are something else, aren't you?" he mumbles before leaning over you to press his lips onto yours.

You kiss him back with equal fervor, hands tangling up into his hair and legs wrapping around his waist. His length digs into your thigh. Your mouth waters with the need to have him on your tongue.

You pull away from his kiss. "Please," you breathe, eyes travelling down his body to land on his crotch. "I'll be good, sir. Please."

"You think I haven't heard that one before?" Namjoon sneers at you. "You promise me right about anything like a cock hungry slut. But then you go back on your word."

You're too far gone to feel humiliated at his words, especially given the fact that they ring with absolute truth. 

"Prove to me that you really can be good at keeping promises and following instructions. Then maybe…" He pauses, squinting at you. "Maybe I'll fuck your face."

You nod, eyes journeying to and fro between his intimidating stare and the bulge in his pants. "Ye–yes, sir."

"Good."

With that, Namjoon stands up straight and starts to unbutton his shirt. Every deft movement of his fingers uncovers more of his chest, pectoral muscles firm and swollen. You could probably fit both your hands on one. His abdomen is tight, cut and looks so solid. The shirt is pushed past his shoulders, and your gaze clings to his arms.

You breathe through your mouth, teeth mashing together with the effort of keeping yourself from panting like a bitch in heat. 

He seems to keep growing bigger and bulkier everytime you see him. You couldn’t wrap both your hands around his biceps and make them touch. Not to even get started on his hefty shoulders that make him nearly twice as broad as you. He's a lot massive and it gets you a lot wet.

You’re still gawking when he grabs your thighs and pushes them back towards your chest.

“Hold them here. And do not,” he warns, kneeling on the floor between your legs, “move.”

You shakily nod, gathering your wits and voice. “Yes, sir.”

His arms are nearly as thick as your thighs when he braces them on the seat of the couch. You pull your lip into your mouth to bite back a moan at the sight. 

“You do not come unless I tell you you can. I do not want to beat your gorgeous little pussy up, but if you really prompt me…” His jaw locks. “I will.”

Heat rushes through your body, eyes practically rolling to the back of your head with the memory of the slap he’d just delivered there. Your insides contract in anticipation.

“Do you understand?”

Words fail you for a few seconds, the thought of getting your pussy slapped by his large, shapely hands filling your head with endless images. A small moan is torn out of your throat.

Namjoon clicks his tongue, and the heavy disappointment in that little sound snaps your attention back to him.

“I — I understand, sir. S–sorry, sir.”

“Losing your mind over getting your pussy slapped?” He gives a rumbling chuckle. “My little slut.”

Your underwear having already been tugged aside, Namjoon dives right in without preamble.

A loud shriek escapes you when he encases your clit in his mouth with the first lick. His tongue laves all over your slit, drawing circles at your entrance without actually penetrating you, and you tremble in want. Before you can collect your bearings, his tongue reaches up to draw similar circles over your clit and you cry out.

The sensations build on too strong too quickly, and heat pools dangerously in the pit of your stomach. You really want to twist yourself away from his face because your orgasm is closing in on you and you have strict instructions to not come. But you also wanna thrash against his face to get there quicker, because the punishment Namjoon has declared is sounding a lot like a reward.

You end up doing neither when you recall how he also instructed you to not move.

“S—sir,” you brokenly whisper, fingers digging into the undersides of your knees to keep yourself open and spread.

He grunts into you, delivering a slap onto your ass. You gulp, clenching your eyes as tight as you have your teeth. His tongue leaves your clit, traversing back towards your entrance to dip into you in small, kitten licks.

“Ah—fuck, oh my God,” you sob, twisting your head to press it against the back of the couch.

You want to be a menace and come all over his mouth, just to relish the look of anger on his face when he delivers you your pleasurable punishment. But you also really want to please him by being just as obedient as he wants you to be.

The brat in you admits that the attitude you gave him tonight was too harsh of a rebuttal for him keeping things from his parents. He probably didn’t deem it too deep, because afterall, who talks to one’s parents about fuck buddies? It’s on you that you haven’t told him how deep this shit runs on your end.

Your spiralling thoughts are pushed to the back of your mind when Namjoon hums against your cunt, sending a fresh layer of electricity through your body.

You control your breathing, inhaling through the nose and exhaling through your mouth. You can do this — you just need to detach yourself from these thrums of arousal pulsing through you, every single one originating from your core. You try to take your mind off the feeling, try to think of anything other than the coil tightening in your stomach, Namjoon’s head of silver hair moving between your legs, his broad, broad bare back rippling with muscles with each movement, his enormous arms’ ability to fold you in half and—

“Holy fuck!” you screech, your unhelpful train of thoughts cut off.

He has closed his teeth over your clit and is massaging the nub with the flat of his blunt, front teeth. Your hips nearly buck before you dig your nails firmly into your legs and hold them back.

The pressure isn’t harsh enough to hurt, but it sure as hell is strong enough to bypass pleasurable stimulation. 

Entire body quivering, you lift your head up to peek down at him, gasping with your whole chest when you find his gaze trained on you. You try to maintain eye contact, but all your senses are failing you because you’re trying your damnedest hard to just not fucking explode. 

Through your fluttering eyes, you spot him raising a mocking eyebrow up at you. 

Oh, God, what the fuck is he so hot for?

You resolutely shut your eyes tighter, whining at your slipping control. 

“Sir, please,” you whimper. “I — I can’t…”

Namjoon releases your clit with a pop.

“What the—ah!” 

Blood supply abruptly restored, your clit is suddenly even more sensitive than before. If Namjoon so much as breathed over it, you’ll come. All your hardwork about to go to waste, you struggle to orient your brain. 

Namjoon retracts his tongue from you, though, and you’re left stunned when he hums satisfactorily.

You blink up at him with delirious eyes, tentatively loosening your grip on your legs. He smiles at you so big, his dimples flash.

And it’s ridiculous, how your heart brims with affection at the sight of him. He’s all sweaty with hair matted to his forehead, chin glistening with your arousal, lips darkened by working you up — and then there’s that cute freaking smile of his which should be terribly out of place in all of this, but actually isn’t.

But then, maybe it isn’t ridiculous at all.

“What a good girl,” he whispers in his raspy voice, his smile unwavering. “You did so well, babygirl. Time for reward.”

Your chest swells with pride and happiness — and that one emotion that you’d very much rather not feel at all but cannot help — and you grin at him in all your dishevelled state. He licks at his lower lip, giving you a small nod, smile melting into a smouldering look when he brings his large hands to yours and unlocks them from beneath your knees.

“Come on, baby.” 

He sits you up on the couch, and you belatedly realise how you’re not even mad he didn’t let you come because of how much you’ve pleased him by being a good girl for him. Because you know he will grant you all the sweetest of releases if you do as he says. He always has.

What the hell were you thinking, challenging him like that earlier? You could never even imagine any other way you would attain the kind of completion you do with Namjoon.

You kneel on the soft cushion of the sofa, sitting back on your calves. Your eyes dart up to his, seeking unspoken permission.

He looks at you from under hooded eyes and nods once.

You reach forth with your eager hands, unbuckling his belt, before unbuttoning and unzipping his pants. Your insides have been coiling ever since he grabbed your wrist in the kitchen, you do not have enough patience to properly undress him. You push his pants down, scrunching them over his burly thighs before tugging at the waistband of his boxers and pulling the cotton fabric down the same way.

He is fully hard and leaking, almost beckoning you closer with the drop of precum over his slit. 

You open your mouth, tongue hanging out as far as you can extend it. Then you entwine your fingers and put them in your lap, and look up at him with big, wide eyes. Like always.

Namjoon looks so fucking tantalising, standing tall, broad and manly over you, ready to ruin you with his thick cock that hangs inches from your tongue. He really really could snap you in half if he wanted to. Your pussy clenches at the thought, the denied orgasm finally raising its head again.

A hand moves to grip at your chin. “Use your hands.”

You blink at his grumble. 

Did you hear him correctly? He never lets you use your hands, always choosing to fuck your mouth. What— 

“I want those hands all over my cock,” he grits out when you give him a confused look. “I want them smelling like me when you try to touch another guy again, reminding you of why you shouldn’t.”

You swallow, arousal coating your core at his words. You’ll never understand how his filthiest of demands and proclamations never manage to gross you out. You know the why, of course, but you do not get the how. Emotions work in inexplicable ways.

Licking your suddenly dry lips, you reach one shaky hand to wrap around him.

Namjoon scoffs. “What is all this shaking? If I wanted a blushing virgin to slobber on my dick, I wouldn't be here.”

You mash your teeth at his gibe.

Never a good idea to bring in tender emotions between the two of you.

Squaring your shoulders, you thrust your naked breasts out, nipples brushing the rough fabric of his pants when you grip his length firmly and tug him closer. Before Namjoon has properly regained his footing, you wrap your lips around his tip and suck hard.

“Oh fuck, baby—yes,” he hisses, a hand gripping your hair, the other resting on the wall next to him. “That’s what I’m talking about.”

You open your mouth, using his precum as lube to take in as much of him as you can. Which you cannot do a lot of, because you have your hand still wrapped around his base when his tip reaches the back of your mouth. You remove the hand, moving it lower to cup his balls, and slide your mouth further down. Just as your nose is about to brush the base of his cock, he hits the back of your throat. Despite the months of practice you have, your throat closes up in a gag.

Namjoon releases a loud groan, breaking into a litany of curses.

“Baby, baby, baby — fuck, babygirl! That feels so fucking good, yes.”

You blink your tears away, easing your throat a bit as you are used to. The addition of your hands is really helpful, though, when you use one to pump him and the other to massage his balls. Your tongue licks at his head, lips pressing slurpy kisses, causing him to give you small groans. You make a detour to lick at his balls, relishing the soft gasps you receive. You roll one into your mouth, softly sucking on it and his hips dart forward with a muffled curse falling from his mouth.

Sufficiently relaxed, you plunge your mouth over his cock, again, this time letting him hit the base of your throat with far more ease. 

“Shit, babe—”

He breaks off into a guttural whine, grip tightening on your hair. His hips drive into your mouth at a slow pace, and you welcome him with your jaw lowered and throat relaxed, humming around him.

“Don’t — don’t do that, fuck—”

You would smirk if you didn’t currently have your mouth full of cock. You flutter your lashes to make do, looking up at him with as much innocence as you can muster. 

Sweat rolls down the planes of his body, his buff chest and rounded shoulders glistening with a sheen. Your pussy clenches, throbbing with the need to be filled the way your mouth is. 

You shut your eyes, resting a hand on one of his rock hard thighs, the other one climbing up to spread over his taut abdomen.

“This mouth really is meant for me, huh? Look at how well you take me, fuck. Tiny little mouth, but opens big enough to swallow this fat cock. My pretty, little cock slut.”

You preen from his praise, fingers splaying over his slippery, sweat coated skin for support as you try to rock your head back and forth to get in even more friction.

“Fuck!” Namjoon suddenly cries out, grabbing your hair and pulling you off himself in the blink of an eye.

Your mouth’s still gaping wide when you open your eyes, confused and more than a little dazed. Your pussy clenches at the sight of his fully erect length, wet from your mouth. You drag your gaze up to his face with difficulty, sweeping the back of your hand over your mouth.

His eyes are screwed shut, jaw clenched and teeth barred.

“Wh—”

He cuts you off with a snarl, wrapping an arm around your waist and pressing you against his chest, forehead resting against yours. When his eyes open, they are wild and really, really dark.

“No one,” he says very quietly, voice gruff, “else gets to have you like this.”

He swallows your surprised gasp, taking your lips in a searing kiss. You moan into his mouth when his chest moves against your pebbled nipples, all your senses going haywire.

The kiss is cut short far sooner than you would have liked it to, Namjoon’s lips moving down to drop kisses on your jaw, over your neck, down to the curves of your breasts. He takes a nipple into his mouth, rolling his tongue over it. You cling onto him with both your hands holding onto his shoulders, desperate whines pulled from you. 

His kisses are littered all the way down to your stomach, and then all the way up to the back of your ears.

“Hands and knees,” his gravelly voice snaps into the nape of your neck, and you spring into action.

Your arousal has definitely ruined the couch, but you couldn’t care less. You quickly press your forehead into its back the way you had when he spanked you, and arch your body to extend your ass as far back and up as you can.

“God, what a filthy fucking slut,” he moans, gripping your hips with both his hands and bringing them down to massage your still singing ass. “Always so willing and ready for me.”

You nod, cheek rubbing against coarse fabric. “Yes, sir. Always. Only for you.”

Namjoon swears under his breath, grip tightening at your hip. “That’s right, baby, only for me. And it better stay that way.”

If it were up to you, it’d stay that way forever. In a more intimate setting than this, too. You wonder how he doesn’t realise that.

“It will, sir,” you sigh. 

Satisfied by your response, Namjoon hums in appreciation and moves two fingers to your core. “Ah, soaking for me, as always.”

Despite yourself, your lips curl up in a smile at the fondness in his tone. “Always.”

He lines himself up, tip nudging at your center. “I fuck you raw you, babygirl. Always fuck you raw. How could you ever even think—” 

His head enters you, and you mewl. 

“—about letting another man—”

“Ah!” Your walls flutter around him as he slides in further. 

“—even touch what I’ve—”

He bottoms out and you gasp. “Sir! Fuck fuck fuck, you’re so fucking big, oh God!”

“—claimed as mine?” he finishes in a growl, enormous torso covering yours and mouth pressing into your throat. “So,” he enunciates with a shallow thrust, “many,” another thrust, “times.”

Your jaw has been dropped in a silent scream which verbalises at his final thrust. You hear him chuckling at your shout of pleasure, and your cheeks heat up.

“You didn’t answer me, baby,” he somehow manages to intelligibly murmur between hammering into your.

All thoughts leave you, your mind singling out the feeling of Namjoon expertly hitting that one spot inside of you that always sends you over the edge in a handful of strokes.

You jolt with every push of his cock, small gasps leaving you. He’d eaten you out to the point of causing pain, and still hadn’t let you come. Your cunt has been convulsing by itself ever since. It won’t take you long to—

“Are you even listening?”

A resounding thwack lands on your ass, forcing you to stop thinking about your impending orgasm.

And then it registers.

With a small gasp, you launch into explanations. “S–s–sir, I didn’t—I won’t ever, ever. Think of an–another man. Touching what’s — what’s yours. Never,” your last word comes out as more of a wail when he grinds his hips into your ass.

Namjoon grunts in response. “Good. That’s — ah — good. Now be a good little slut and take what I give you.”

Your jaw unhinges with a loud moan, back arching further. Namjoon fucks into you at an unforgivable pace, lewd noises of skin slapping on skin mingled with the harmonies of your moans and his muted groans fill up the space around you. 

Your orgasm looms quicker than you expected. 

“S–sir, I’m close!”

“Oh?” he pants, amusement lining his voice. “Already?”

You duck your head, short of breath as you try to speak. “You — you, ah… you fuck me… fuck me s–so well, sir…”

Namjoon hums. “Who fucks you so well?”

Your entire body thrums. “You do, sir.”

“And who am I?” He lowers his head to nip at your shoulder blade and you falter.

“Sir—”

“What’s my name, my little slut?”

Your eyes snap open. He wants you to say his name? You’ve never done that before.

His hips roll into you at a slower pace while you try to arrange your tongue around the two syllables.

“Namjoon,” you whisper, barely even audible to yourself.

He scoops you up to press your back against his front, moving his lips to your earlobe. “Louder.”

“Namjoon,” you say a bit louder this time.

He growls. “Fucking scream it.”

One of his hands clamps over one of your breasts, mauling the flesh, while the other moves to your center, expert fingers locating your clit and flicking it between them. 

“Namjoon!” you yelp, not even close to a scream, and he swears behind you.

He pushes you back into your previous position and grips your ass firmly.

“It’s fine, you don’t have to give me a scream,” Namjoon mumbles with determination spilling off his words. “I’ll pull one out of you.”

You feel yourself getting wetter at his words, just as he pushes at your ass, pulling himself almost fully out of you before he pulls your ass back and hits all the right spots within you. And then he picks up speed, fingers digging into your ass to roll your hips over his.

You thrash wildly in his arms, hands flailing every which way to find purchase until you grip onto the back of the couch. Sweat breaks out on your skin, breathing all over the place with exertion as your hips are dragged back and forth. The coil beneath your navel is wound tighter and tighter with every stroke.

“I — I’m so close, please—”

“Come for me, baby,” Namjoon prompts you. “Come all over my cock, fuck, get those juices all on me. Want it so bad. Give it to me, babygirl.”

He fucks you hard and fast and messy, and you are shot off careening into your climax.

“Oh—oh oh oh, fuck — yes yes yes, fuck! Namjoon!” you scream, walls spasming around his length as you explode, drawn under by the huge wave of blinding, white pleasure crashing into you. 

Your vision blurs with tears, breathing momentarily ceased. Your body shudders with the force of your orgarm, hips undulating against Namjoon.

“That’s right, baby,” Namjoon coos, rocking into you at a slower pace. “Namjoon. Not my cousin, not any other guy. Only Namjoon.”

He is still thrusting into you when you float back down from your high, but his breathing has picked up and you can tell it’s just a matter of time before—

“Fuck!” Namjoon grouses, stiffening behind you for a second and then exploding in you with a shout of your name. His hips grind into your ass a couple of times before coming to a halt.

You are a lump of bones, crashing on the couch immediately once Namjoon takes his arms off you. But you’ve barely laid there for a couple of seconds when you are scooped up in his embrace.

Your bleary eyes open to find him staring down at you with a very delicate expression on his face. That very familiar feeling of hope tries to make its way to the forefront of your brain, but you push it down.

This isn’t anything special.

Sure, a lot was different tonight than your usual nights with Namjoon. But different doesn’t necessarily mean special. In this context, it doesn’t at all mean special.

Namjoon acted the way he did because he was jealous. That is all there is to it.

When Namjoon deposits you on the edge of your bed, a soft look in his eyes as he kneels before you, every repressed feeling in your heart decides to climb up your chest and asphyxiate you.

You cough, placing a hand on your sternum to physically fight it off. 

But then Namjoon grins, and you nearly sob in pain.

You hasten to put up all your walls. You’ve been in this position far too many times to not know better than expecting softness and comfort from this man after sex. That isn’t to say he leaves you unattended and uncared for, no. He tends to your every single need, asking a myriad of questions about your well being and only leaves your house when he’s ascertained you’re good to be left on your own. But the entire process is so clinical, that it could very well be a nurse doing all those things with you because you cannot tell the difference.

You look away from his blindingly beautiful smile.

“All this because you don’t want me to let Seokhyun court me?” you say, trying to sound as humorous as you can.

Namjoon’s expressions shatter. He pulls his lips into a straight line, his eyes suddenly losing their lustre.

Now this — this confuses you. What reason does he have to look so stricken? He’s the one who doesn’t give two fucks. He’s the one who never saw you past fucking you. He’s the one who sometimes forgets you two are supposed to be best friends as well.

He’s the one who decided to hide you from his parents. Probably because he was too ashamed of his association with you in this way.

He’s the one who most definitely doesn’t have any feelings for you beyond the customary platonic worry of a friend.

Shouldn’t he be overjoyed that you didn’t make a big deal out of his jealous claiming of you? 

“Seokjin,” he corrects you and you bite your tongue.

Way to make a statement and the guy’s name wrong. Now he’d know how little that guy — or any other guy in the world — means to you next to him. Or, would he? Nah, this is still too much to expect of his oblivious self.

“If that is how you see it,” Namjoon speaks so low, you have to strain your ears to catch it all, “fine. Did I convince you to not let Seokjin court you?”

Uh, most definitely too much to expect. Your shoulders slumping, you blindly reach behind you for the comforter.

“As I said, Joon,” you tell him, honestly, “I wasn’t actually gonna do it. Was just trying to placate your mom, tonight.”

Namjoon looks relieved. You hate it so much. You hate how he gets to walk away from this without a single scare every time, while every shield you put up in front of your heart seems to just crumble at the end of your nights with him.

“Because,” you spitefully and unnecessarily continue, wrapping the comforter around your naked body and avoiding his eyes, “it would be all too inconvenient if I tried to date your cousin while we’re doing this.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

You look up at him with your face carefully wiped off any expressions. “It means that we’ll obviously have to stop this if I try to get with your cousin, Joon.”

“But you just said—”

“I said if,” you interrupt, feeling satisfied at the dent between his brows.

He raises to his feet, naked torso just as inviting as ever but face completely shuttered. His eyes have a far off look in them and try as you might, you cannot decipher the knots in his eyebrows. 

Why is he so jealous of you hypothetically dating his cousin if your thing with him means so little to him? He has always made it painfully obvious to you, with words and actions, that this just happens because it's convenient for him.

You give a small sigh when he just stands there without moving. 

“I’ll be okay, Joon. You can leave if you need to.”

His gaze snaps to yours in what feels like surprise, but he has steeled his face in such a way that his stare looks completely flat, now. You raise your shoulders in a tiny shrug when he keeps staring. 

“Does anything hurt?” he finally speaks, voice coming out just as flat as his whole demeanour.

Exactly how a nurse would ask about your well being.

You shake your head. “A bit sore, but nothing I can’t handle.”

“Are you sure? I can make you some tea?”

You’d kill for a piping hot cup of chamomile right now. But asking him would kill you. You just need him out of your house as soon as he can be.

“No, I’m good,” you quietly lie.

Your eyes dart towards the clock on your nightstand. It is close to midnight, now, telling you it’s been nearly two hours since you two left the party. 

“Maybe you should head home. It’s pretty late and your whole family’s in town. They’ll start wondering where you disappeared off to.”

Namjoon looks away from you and gives a stiff nod. “Maybe.”

He leaves your bedroom without a word, grabbing his clothes from the living room. You follow him on timid steps to find him turned to the other side, buttoning his shirt.

Your eyes scan the couch and sure enough, there’s a huge, damp spot at the edge of the seat where you knelt when you sucked Namjoon off. You pull your lips in, exhaling. 

Namjoon is still silent even as he gathers his discarded suit jacket and tie, and suddenly, a pang of guilt hits you out of nowhere.

You’re not being too harsh, are you? Basically kicking him out after sex?

But this has always been your norm. He always, always leaves after sex, never ever staying the night no matter how late it is.

But you still shouldn’t have been so dismissive about it, right?

You don’t get to dwell much on it when Namjoon stalks past you with his eyes looking straight ahead. He has his tie stuffed into a pocket of his trousers, and his suit jacket hangs off one of his shoulders. 

It suddenly hits you when he’s at the door.

“Oh, my God—Joon! You didn’t bring your car!”

He looks at you over his shoulder as he unlocks the door with a roll of his eyes. “Glad you remembered,” he sneers. “No issues, though. I called an uber, it’s almost here.”

Heaviness falls to the pit of your stomach. Why is this whole situation suddenly so caustic? It’s supposed to be routine, right?

Then why does it feel wrong to send him off like this?

“Um, Joon?” you call out, unable to stop yourself.

He’s already descending the stairs of the porch and doesn’t pause. It hurts you more than it probably should.

“It’s fine, my uber’s round the corner,” he says over his shoulder, not even turning his head fully to look at you.

You bite down on your lower lip, hand gripping onto the doorjamb. Why were you so hasty in kicking him out? Maybe you should’ve discussed his jealousy. Maybe it would’ve yielded some explanations. Maybe it would’ve changed things—

No.

You’re not going down that dominos of a line of thoughts. If things were gonna change, they would’ve changed already. Nothing is going to change between the two of you. And it should neither surprise nor bother you, because you chose for things to be this way when you started sleeping with him.

You tug the comforter tighter around yourself, pulling your gaze off Namjoon’s retreating back, and step inside your house.

You breathe out as you lock the door, feeling ten times more tired than you did seconds ago.

You’ve done nothing wrong, you remind yourself. You just chose to prioritize yourself over him, this once. And though you don't usually do this, you are more than allowed to change that.

You are entitled to making harsh decisions to take care of your heart, because evidently, no one else is going to do that for you.

But despite all of this, when you move about the kitchen and start to fill the kettle to make yourself a cup of tea, your heart feels hollow and your eyes keep stinging.

You hate being too weak to protect your heart even when you desperately want to.

You hate the toxicity you two have brewed up, leaving nothing of the sweet friendship you once had.

You hate the day you agreed to Namjoon’s proposal of sleeping together.

You hate that you fell in love.

You hate that he didn’t.

You hate—

No. You wish you could hate him the same way.

You wish. 

You hopelessly wish.

taglist: @shrimpmsg​ @codeinebelle​

© jimilter | 2021

[gaybarbiegirl]

Hmm how about Jim/Yam for the ship ask? :D

Yes, of course!! My girls!!

1. Favorite scene of them

I really love the scenes where the two of them are watching each other sing/dance with just the biggest heart eyes, and of course the epitome of that is that scene where Yam serenades Jim in an open music in s1. I love it so much, these two are so in love.

2. What do you like the most about them?

I really love how ever-present and steady their relationship is. No matter what else is going on in the show, you know Jim and Yam are gonna be there, always together, very in love, and just enjoying life with each other. They don't have the "will they won't they" or the dramatic love stories that most other ships have, and I consider that a win.

Like, don't get me wrong, the yearning phase and the honeymoon phase of a relationship are things that can be very sweet to watch, but when it comes to the telenovelas, we don't usually get to see much more than that and understand what a couple is gonna be like in everyday life. And even though Jim and Yam are technically not canon (😭😭), the vibe I get from them is that they are in a relationship, but one that has already moved past its early stages, you know? There are no big dramas, no breakups, no "what if they don't like me back?", just a steady and constant source of love for the two of them, and I really love that we get to see that.

3. A random headcanon

Technically this whole drabble that I wrote a couple of weeks ago is one big headcanon, but really what it all comes down to is that I hc that Jim and Yam have had crushes on each other since the very start of their relationship, it just took them a while to understand their own feelings.

4. If you could change something about them what would it be?

I would make them canon, so so clearly and visibly canon, disney PLEASE just let me have this...

5. If you could date one of the people who would you choose?

Jim is baby and she does have her spot in my heart, but I'd go with Yam. Our personalities are a better fit, and I'm also just in love with this woman's voice.

6. Favorite hot scene of them

I don't think they have any, they don't even kiss in the show...

7. Favorite quote

I can't remember the quote exactly, but it's from a scene in late s3 where Jim is sure that she didn't get into the art school that she and Yam auditioned for, and when she starts talking about it she says something along the lines of "yo creía que íbamos a pasar el resto de nuestras vidas juntas". Like, the girl already planned out the rest of her life with Yam, I'm gonna cry.

8. How do you see their relationship in the future?

Honestly, I think it'd be pretty similar to what it's like during the show, with the exception that they'd actually be dating. Like I said before, they're practically in a long term relationship already. I think they'd still be each other's best friends, do everything together, support each other's dreams, be there for each other in times of need, and just overall go through every step of life together. The big difference would be that they'd actually call themselves girlfriends and kiss when they feel like it.

9. Scene that makes you emotional

Again, the open music serenade, that was true love on display.

Thank you so so much for the ask!! I don't get that many opportunities to talk about these two and I'm so glad I got to have one now, they mean everything to me!

[borathae]

Sibi, I loved this chapter so much. It just left me with my emotions all over the place. This is the sweetest torture ever❤️

After all the fluff at the end of the last chapter I completely forgot about the aftermath about Koo's drinking excess. Poor baby. At least Lucky is there for him. He must be so relieved that he can always count on her.

This whole process with his addiction is so painful. Like sometimes I have to stop reading to compose myself. At the same time it's so comforting to read about Lucy's constant support.

I find it wonderful that Koo talks to Lucky about Ryujin. He trusts her this much that he comes clear before she can even ask.

I can only agree with Koo. Lucky just knows exactly what to say in every situation. She knows when to be quiet and when someone needs supportive words. I need her in my life😔❤️

And thank you for pointing out that staying in a relationship just to prevent the other person from hurting is never a solution. He feels guilty but he is not responsible for other people's happiness. Specially because she is such a bitch.

I honestly thought she would say no when he asked her if they are dating. This woman is really trying. This voice in her head is just the worst. Her commitment issues are so real. Just imagine how terrifying it must be for her to give up her safety and now she can't just simply give it up like she hasn't spend years to build it up perfectly. She feels like she is free falling into a heartbreak that she can't overcome.

I have 2 song recommendations specially for Lucky and her inner turmoil. safety net by Ariana Grande ft Ty Dolla Sigh and Leave before you love me by the Jonas Brothers and Marshmallow. If this isn't screaming Lucky then I don't know what does (Now I can't listen to them without thinking of Lucky, I love it).

But despite her issues she is trying. I hope she doesn't feel forced to do so just because Koo depends on her so much.

Their domestic stuff is just chef's kiss🥺🥺 I love this side of them so much.

The fact that she has never meet a person who genuinely wants to spend time with her makes me want to cry. It just shows how messed up her past relationships and not only with men but with everyone except for maybe her brother have been.

And this woman also doesn't even know how to properly take care of herself. She never used moisture. She really has only experienced the ugly sides of life. Let's go and cry in the club together Sibi😭😭

This whole idea about throwing away booze is so important for his healing. I can't... It's the push he needed. This may be the toughest challenge he ever had. I had tears in my eyes. He is so so brave. Such an incredible realistic scene. I am not okay😭

I feel like I am their biggest fan, watching them grow and heal slowly but surely. I am so insanely proud of them both. Your babies but also mine🥺🥺

The use of the safe word is just great. It doesn't need to be sexual. They can just voice discomfort immediately and it can be resolved quickly. Yes yes yes

I also feel like Lucky could work in a rehab clinic. She acts like a professional and would be such an incredible therapist as someone who knows exactly how her patients feel.

Lucky managed this whole withdrawal on her own wtf. This woman is a warrior. I couldn't be more proud.

And did this Koo live in Busan too? What a concedence👀

How she is praising Koo for the smallest accomplishments is the best. You are able to change so much if you view yourself in a different light. I am so glad she insisted on praising himself.

And the realization about that he can throw away the booze is so wonderful. He is really doing this on his own.

Because it became part of me. Please I am ugly crying in the corner.

Jungkook, you've survived until now. You are strong. Yes Lucky tell him. He is the strongest for not giving up when the darkness was slowly becoming a part of him. Thank you for staying even when it was unbearable.

He is telling her that he loves her for the third (?) time. I am mush. Lucky clearly can't deal with it. When she says it back, I will not be able to handle it.

He plays with the cars in the window too. Seriously can they be even more perfect for each other?🥺❤️ This childlike excitement is so cute. And they even fall asleep together please. I personally can't handle this.

Sibi, I want to compliment you again. You really showed all aspects of his withdrawal.

And Lucky please don't pretend you aren't equally whipped. You are just better at hiding it🤭

Hopefully they exchanged numbers. Maybe he can call her now.

This zombie themed café or restaurant is so Lucky style. Yes go for the things you like.

Let's appreciate how she always let's Koo speak whatever it is. She never interrupts him. She lets him ramble all the time. Their understanding is just 😍 She really allows him to be genuinely himself.

Koo's visit in the club feels like a step back. I don't blame her at all. It's just I really thought they wouldn't need to meet up in the club anymore. But Lucky is obviously not ready for this. She is slowly pulling away. Sex and other intimicy at home would mean it's more than work. It would get really personal and Lucky doesn't allow herself this intimicy. I am starting to believe that she doesn't even understand what this while dating thing with Koo means. This is not casually anymore. She didn't date in the past most importantly not like Koo imagines it.

She is also beyond scared that she will lose everything she knows. She works there since she is 18. I think she doesn't want to lose her escape route. Her happy or comfort place as sad as it sounds is this club. She and the others don't even know different. How can they break out of a system when they only know worse. What a fucked up system.

I beg her to please take his offer. But really don't think she will. She is way to way to even let him buy her a coffee. How could she take this offer. She is fending for herself since day 1 and she won't stop. She hates depending on others. I think the only she is leaving this club is when something really bad happens.

Both of them are so confused about this whole dating thing. Not that I blame them. But really need to come clear about what they want. Lucky is literally treating him like a client. And it hurts but she doesn't know any better.

I also want to thank you for this wonderful chapter. It was so good. You did so well Sibi❤️ I hope you won't overthink your desicion about the chapters so much. I know for sure it will turn out great.

Furthermore I hope you have a good week ahead. I wish you the best for uni. Take care of yourself❤️ I love you too💜

🌟

MY BEAUTIFUL AMAZING STAR!!! 🥺💜💜 I am once again on my knees kissing your feet because your reviews just give me life 😔

First of all:

He feels guilty but he is not responsible for other people's happiness. Specially because she is such a bitch.

an I oop- FAHSDHFAH facts were spoken 😂😂😂

Just imagine how terrifying it must be for her to give up her safety and now she can't just simply give it up like she hasn't spend years to build it up perfectly. She feels like she is free falling into a heartbreak that she can't overcome.

This oMFG THIS!! THIS IS EXACTLY HOW SHE FEELS OMFG You literally spoke from her heart

The use of the safe word is just great. It doesn't need to be sexual. They can just voice discomfort immediately and it can be resolved quickly. Yes yes yes

YES!! I literally wanted to show just how deep and strong their trust for each other is. like to voice your safeword outside a sexual scene and knowing that the other wouldn't look at you weirdly takes so much trust in the other person. And I just kkcng love them so much

I also feel like Lucky could work in a rehab clinic. She acts like a professional and would be such an incredible therapist as someone who knows exactly how her patients feel.

Okay but I can highkey see that? maybe one day she will accept Koo's help and let him pay for her studies. fkc imagine her as a therapist, helping people left and right 🥺

And did this Koo live in Busan too? What a concedence👀

👀👀👀

Sex and other intimicy at home would mean it's more than work. It would get really personal and Lucky doesn't allow herself this intimicy. [...] She is also beyond scared that she will lose everything she knows. She works there since she is 18. I think she doesn't want to lose her escape route. Her happy or comfort place as sad as it sounds is this club.

This!! This is so important and sad :( because yes :(

Now to end it, your two song recs:

1. safety net - Ariana Grande feat. Ty Dolla $ign

You're making me forget my past, never thought I'd feel like that again. I came to peace with my path, now you got me off track. I've never been this scared before, feelings I just can't ignore.

2. Leave Before You Love Me - Jonas Brother feat. Marshmello

FIRST OF ALL I FUCKING LOVE THIS SONG OMFG

It's messing with my head, how I mess with your heart [...] I'd rather be lonely, than wrapped around your body too tight

Seriously I love your love for my story so much. You don't even know just how much you and your words mean to me. Like to have someone analyse your hard work so intently and include so many details in their review just fcking feels incredible and I love you so much!!! 🥺😔💜

[99liners]

ilhoon as a boyfriend;

request: Anonymous said : hi!!!!! can you do a male reader scenario of ilhoon as your boyfriend pretty please? 😭💕

a/n: i’ll try. i’ll try my best alright. please, bear with me. this is my first time ever writing for a male reader. i’m praying to the bro god that i don’t make mistakes. enjoy! it’s headcannon so heads up!

jung ilhoon, the perfect loyal™ boyfriend.

he takes his relationships and commitments very seriously.

extremely intelligent and full of capabilities.

very strong willed and has ended many relationships because it didn’t feel right but later he may dwell on it for awhile afterwards which has caused a few small differences between you two but his affection for you is too strong for him to let you walk away just like that.

you’re worth much more and he’s willing to go all the way into this relationship.

no holding backs. 

he’s very interested in optimizing his relationships

a very good listener

some of the problems you’d before the relationship kick-started were : he is not naturally in tune with others feelings; may be insensitive at times

tends to respond to conflict with logic and reason, rather than the required emotional support

not good at expressing feelings and affections

his biggest vice is his tendency to be unwilling or unable to accept blame of any kind

and his constant quest to improve everything sometimes is taxing on relationships

but that’s fine, isn’t it? nobody is perfect and you knew you could help him where he needed it and vice versa.

they say opposites attract but what they actually mean is that mismatching vices and virtues attract cause then you know you can fill in his life where he needs it.

that’s exactly what happened between you two! the yin yang

best thing he loved about you? no matter how big the fight gets

at the end of the day you both would somehow manage to get your asses on the couch, switch on netflix, play whatever comes on first and just watch silently

no one would say a word, until he would reach his hand out and place it around your hip like it belongs there

during parties

during social gatherings

during him showing others how you’re his

during a walk along the street

during everything

that’s where that hand is supposed to be buddy don’t fight it

and just like that, the conflict would move to the back seat for the moment

“oh you’re so gay. but that gayness better be only for me”

“i’m watching your gay ass”

you guys can just be waiting in line to grab some ice cream, and instead of holding your boyfriend’s hand, you just grab his junk over his shorts. and he would laugh it off with a, “god, you’re so gay.”

the only thing that you both do religiously at house is grabbing each other’s butts. it’s like some cult ritual you guys follow strictly and denying it only meant death

the goofiness is over the top. yelling the dialogues of star trek together while watching it for the thousandth time

“you know spock gave lieutenant uhura a radioactive material which works like a tracking device”

“babe, i’d totally give you one too, that ass only belongs to my heart”

you would just be brushing your teeth in the morning, standing in front of the mirror

and he would pop out of nowhere and pull down your shorts and walk away like nothing happened

yeah it’s part of the ritual too

once in a while when you wake up before him, you’d just kick him out of the bed

he would fall of the bed with a groan

“yah you punk, you’re gonna get it, better watch out”

psst he is bluffing, just an ass

biggest milestone in the relationship till now?

when he introduced you to his noona, jung min joo

it was a big deal cause he has never taken anyone to meet his family before, ever

but with you, he just knew. he was at peace with you

minjoo and the members adore you too and it wasn’t long when cube released the official statements

now all he is excited about right now is adopting kids with you and buy a house, he can see all of those right in front of his eyes, floating and he wishes for nothing more than it to come true

︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.

feedback is deeply appreciated.✨

masterlist | btob masterlist | rules | ask box

- jaimie (i’ve so much to talk about ilhoon as dad so i saved it for later on or some other request haha)

© 𝟫𝟫𝓁𝒾𝓃𝑒𝓇𝓈, 𝟐𝟎𝟣𝟪. 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒 𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐄𝐃.