#the dysmorphia is extremely obvious wrt weight looking back and i just wonder how far it extends wrt other physical traits | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

vamptastic · 2 months

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Also unsure how much of that is dysmorphia and how much is dysphoria. Having constant, visible weight gain up until last year has made my sense of self wrt body kind of shaky, and I just generally tend to see myself as far more feminine than I am actually perceived day to day. I have pictures friends have posted where random strangers assumed I was male despite not binding, and I also have pictures that I despise because I feel my hips look cartoonishly wide and ridiculous. And I'm a different weight, same height in literally every fullbody picture I have. I genuinely do not know if my body type day to day to is seen as feminine or masculine. Not necessarily a question I want objectively answered, because it'd make me feel like shit, but one that's important to know when needing to pass for safety.

#the dysmorphia is extremely obvious wrt weight looking back and i just wonder how far it extends wrt other physical traits #i quite like my face and think it's like at worst totally average but there is not really uhhh any part of my body i feel positively about #overall hairiness? oddly slim wrists? my calves are very stout and farmerly which is probably not conventionally hot but i find attractive #but generally. pretty negative mostly due to perceived femininity.#there are So Many pictures i took where i was literally 100 pounds lighter and felt just as negatively about my weight in the photo #nowadays ive gotten to a Whatever point where id certainly feel hotter if thinner but don't care overmuch because it's not fucking happening #but back when i had some Hot Leonard in my mind that i could unlock through Discipline and Virtue. Ugh.#would take pictures and just see such tiny insignificant details like literally anywhere that fat folds on itself #as so incredibly negative. and now that i am actually the same weight im like yeah that's me. I'm fat. Whatever.#it's also hilarious how many people called me fat as a 140 pound 12 year old like brother i am 110 pounds heavier now #i was Completely Average back then

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