#the evil gay bat is on the loose oh no

[marinatedsaltea]

“Good guys or bad guys, it doesn't really matter;

You are all just slaves to my hypnotic patter

As I regale you with my story, you'll know you have no choice,

But to do my evil bidding, when you hear this booming voice!”

Decided to draw Sharpwing in Music Meister’s outfit (from BTBATB) for fun because you won’t believe how similar those two are

And don’t worry I didn’t forget about the asks

[warmbeebosoftbeebo]

Truth or Dare? 1/3 probably

much of the details about him in this fic is from things b has said in interviews, on periscope, twitch, twitter... see if you can guess what is true vs details/things i made up. other things, like most of his friends being girls (at least as a kid and teen) i don't think he's ever stated outright but i consider so damn obvious as you learn about him eg the bullying, his best friend in 8th grade was a girl. hopefully, all the things i remember him saying he's actually said and i didn't dream it/imagine it haha. also i love this fic so fucking much if i may say so. one of my faves, to be a braggart. in this universe, he never got introduced to spence or ryan, hence no mentions of them or panic! and him going off to arizona for cosmetology

tag list @greatheromuffinpalace @paypoulterer1 @anyh0w @anobsessioncalled @panicsinning @queerbrendon @prettyoddfiction @iwriteficsnottragediesladies @uriellybrendon @pageoftheclouds @brendonuriesbubblyass @ier0-must-die @itriedallthenamesiwantedaretaken @xfoxtalynx @spacesams00 @satanspuppet-x @1-800-hallelujah @ryrostan @tacobelltylerr @urie-dreams [just message me to be added or taken off the tag list]

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You're watching Aladdin with Brendon, after Alice in Wonderland but before Bambi because you don't want to wind up crying yet. He's totally like Flower and Bambi. Loves flowers, flirty and doe-eyed, for starters. He's an Aladdin too, and is singing along with you as you're cuddled up on your bed with him, him absentmindedly playing with, brushing your hair. He stopped styling it a while ago, but you love having your hair played with, scalp massaged, neck too, as much as he does... Even that has arousal spreading, tickling over you.

You don't have class tomorrow, but he has a cosmetology one in the morning. He's still excited about not having someone telling him to get to bed though, and you're too relaxed, and uh... you like how you feel around him too much, how simple things, touches kind of turn you on, to suggest he get to sleep or leave your room. Besides, your roommate went home for the weekend. And these blankets and pajamas are comfy. You wind up getting into A Whole New World though: dramatic actions and singing, batting lashes at each other, giggling, pretending the bed is a magic carpet like the dorks you two are...

You offer your lap for his head to get pets in once the song ends... You love touching his hair. Watching his lashes, eyes, lips in the television light. Hearing his breathing deepening, his sighs, a couple mmms when you stroke the nape of his neck, tug his hair, scritch his scalp. You've only known him a couple months, but... whoo boy. Too bad he's gayer than the day is long. And kind of has a boyfriend from his program, George. Well, a friend with benefits.

“Truth or dare, B?” you ask when the movie ends, but neither of you move.

“'M sleepy from all those pets, y/n, so for once, I'm going with truth.”

“Were you like this as a kid? Was it musicals and wanting to do cosmetology and stuff back then too? Like not being... being... different. From how boys were supposed to be.”

He chuckles. “Pretty much. Did skateboarding for years, and some soccer, but that was pretty much the extent of the manly shit. Well, the heavy metal too. And lots of people did pot. But mostly the kind of things people thought boys shouldn't do. Most of my friends were girls. Still are. Liked making people laugh, entertaining them. Gymnastics, dance; just messing around not pro. Did sets for the drama kids in high school. I fit in with some guys, mostly chill stoner or art types, guys who weren't straight, but not many. Sometimes I had to fake it to get by with guys, if it even worked. But mostly stuff like the dress up box.”

“What'd you dress up as?”

“Different musical roles, like Maria and Cosette, Jean Valjean. I remember being about five and wrapping curtains around myself like a dress and singing Sound of Music. Cheerleader with the miniskirt and all from my older sister Kara. Uh... pirate, cowboy, or cowgirl. Elvis, Carly Simon, Gwen. Wanted to sound like her so bad. Beyonce. David Bowie in Labyrinth, without a proper wig though. And a few of the personas he had different eras too. Jareth was mixed up in a crush on him. Like I wasn't sure how much I wanted to play that role versus liked David... At twelve, with Jessica Alba, that was a lot clearer. Make up too, some wigs. Lots of my mom's clothes. I'm sure you can tell on that last one.” He still wears women's jeans now. And hoodies, shirts, a couple pairs of sneakers...

“Oh, a weird flower boy version of Rambo,” he laughs. “Like the headband, but my mom's blouse and jeans, a bouquet of flowers, heels, dad's sunglasses... Still have a picture of that one. And we have lots of home movies of stuff. Me being a lounge singer with a feather boa and gold dress... seducing my mom. Oh, shit, can't believe I just admitted that aloud. Anyway, there was firefighter, seamstress, servant, scuba diver, vet... Vampire, fairy, witch. Playing a mom or sister in plays, like sometimes one of my sisters would be the dad, I'd be the mom, or we'd be three sisters. Or they'd be the mom and dad and I'd be their baby. I remember one where I was pregnant—pillow and doll baby, haha—and Kyla was the pirate doctor helping me deliver on the ship. Or the damsel in distress being rescued by them. Or kidnapped by them. Or we had to save our mom, the queen, from a dragon or evil king.”

They were imaginative too! You're picturing them, little Brendon in these outfits, roles. So cute, and silly, and did you say cute? He must've been adorable, playful and an entertainer back then, too. He's done an open mic a few times and sings and plays at parties with friends. You've seen him do it last Saturday, nervous but eager to sing and play guitar, or keyboard. He said that music was his favourite hobby, that he loves doing it, especially for people, but you had no idea how deep it went.

“Me in my sister's gymnastic leotard, but over my shorts because she didn't want it so close to my crotch.”

The crotch part makes you think of it: if he wears... uh, panties too? The thought makes you flush and feel embarrassed. You haven't seen him in a dress or skirt either, but he used to wear those. You wonder if he still does and you just haven't seen it. You think they'd suit him for some reason. The lavender hoodie, the pink sneakers, plus a miniskirt? Denim, or black. God, you bet that he'd look even better, draw you to him more.

“Wish we had dress up stuff to play with here, B. Bet it was fun. And I bet you looked so cute.”

He gets up, but it's to turn on the lamp; the tv had gone dark. He bats his lashes. “Oh, I did.”

You both laugh as you throw a pillow at him. “Goofball. Don't ever let me tell you you still look cute, then. And that I actually would want to see you with a dress up box.”

“Truth or dare?” he asks. You'd forgotten how this started.

“Truth?” Neither is a safe bet, so you just go with what he went with to even it out.

“Would you want to see me dressed up? Like... in things here... of yours?”

Your breath catches. Are you that obvious? You nod, asking “Truth or dare?”

He grins. “Whattaya think, y/n? Dare.”

“M-maybe... uh... a skirt? On you, I mean?”

“That can be arranged.” He practically bounces over to your closet, sorts through, deciding on a long soft blue and lilac hippieish flowery one that goes to your ankles, a purple plaid one that comes to your knees but would be two to three inches shorter on him, and your denim one that's so short it would be a mini on him. You wear it with black tights or other pants it's so short. Really, he picked most of them; you only have two others. He holds them out one by one, then places them over his hips: “Which one would fit me best?”

You get flustered, because you want to see the denim one most, but worry it would be too short for him. The plaid one? It gives “naughty schoolgirl” vibes to boys and men, older pervs included, so you don't wear it much, even though it reminds you of a newly formed coven of witches stuck at a Catholic school for some reason (you blame The Craft). You wonder what'd look like on him. You bet he's worn skirt school uniforms before, and that he'd get cheesy with it, calling you Miss and asking hammily but flirtatiously about extra credit, asking you to teach him, maybe bending over... which not going to lie, you do want if it got sexily funny, but you know it couldn't mean anything.

He grins. "Warning ya, my legs are really hairy, so you might wanna go with the longest one. What can I say, I've got Jewish legs."

You snort. "Guess I've got Jewish legs too: my hair is a light brown, but there's lots of it below my knees. I stopped shaving now that it's November." You can't help wondering if he's dressed up for Hallowe'en in a girl's costume, or in drag, and what he'd look like; even some guys who are kind of sexist and homophobic do that for Hallowe'en, so it wouldn't be out of the ordinary even outside of the gay bar you and he were let into a few times, because George knew the bouncer. Both of your first one, bar or gay bar.

"Oh, I bet I've got more than you," he jokes, and slides his pant leg up a bit, doing a "banananana" strip tease music thing, shaking his leg, making you both giggle.

"Go with the shortest one, B. Bet you'd look super sexy," you reply, hammily winking.

"No peeking!" he admonishes teasingly, hiding behind your closet door, but he pops his booty out and sways it before hiding again. His jeans quickly get flung towards you to him laughing, "Hey, you ever see that British film The Full Monty?"

"It's kinda tight on my ass, but loose on my hips. What can I say? I bring the booty. But your hips are more womanly than mine, alas," he sighs dramatically. “And your thighs are damn. Um. At least it covers my underwear. Pretty much.” He peeks out, excited. "Ready? I just wanna make sure you're prepared for my hairy ass legs, oh and my stunningly gorgeous ass."

"Pshaw, I know that that booty brings all the boys to your yard, you tramp." He's really a tease at that bar. Both guys his age and kind of older, but only one creep. He always drinks for free, gets you drinks too, and you alternately keep close and watch from afar and let him do his thing with said boys. He only talks with most, often dances, but if he likes the guy, the dancing goes beyond pg territory, kissing too, and he even went home with one of them.

[justforshitsandcackles]

funny prompts

“You’re such a fun drunk.”

“Since my dog likes you then i guess i like you.”

“Tell them to fuck off.”

“It’s six o’clock in the morning, you’re not having vodka.”

“I want to strangle you 99% of the time.”

“Could you not suck for five minutes?”

“The ladies love a guy who’s good with kids.”

“You can’t banish me! This is my bed/bedroom too!”

“You’re seriously like a man-child.”

“Well thats tragic.”

“I’m too sober for this.”

“You are actually insane!”

“I think you’re actually satan.”

“It’s like -50 degrees in here.”

“Laugh at my jokes! They’re funny and you know it!”

“Sorry isn’t going to help when i kick your ass!”

“Don’t let one of them electrocute themselves or something.”

“Welcome back. Now fucking help me.”

“Do you find this amusing, fuck face?”

“Holy shit! That thing is huge!”

“Don’t kink shame me.”

“I hope i’m never stuck with you on a deserted island.”

“I just cleaned that!”

“Don’t get sassy with me!”

“What do you have behind your back?”

“If you interrupt me one more time, so help me god.”

“Not to toot my own horn or anything, but the dog loves me more.”

“I’m going to put on some clothes before you say anything else.”

“Bite me.”

“If you insist.”

“Im not going to stop poking you until you give me some attention.”

“I need you to be my fake girlfriend/boyfriend.”

“Can you stop playing connect the dots with my freckles?”

“You snuck into my room, at 4am..to cuddle?”

“If we get caught i’m blaming you.”

“What? No! I wasn’t staring..i-i was looking at something behind you!”

“I locked the keys in the car.”

“This is why we can’t have nice things.”

“Wait a minute. Are you jealous?”

“Define normal.”

“Do i get bonus points if i act like i care?”

“Just remember if we get caught, you’re deaf and i don’t speak english.”

“Don’t look for any redeeming qualities. I don’t have any.”

“And you wonder why you’re single.”

“Remind me to kill you. Please.”

“I’m listening to you. I’m just not paying attention.”

“She’s crazy. and just when you think you’ve reached the bottom of her craziness, theres a crazy underground garage.”

“Sorry. I don’t speak skank.”

“My middle finger salutes you.”

“I don’t think i could ever stab someone. I mean, lets be honest, i can barely get the straw in the capri sun.”

“I don’t have enough middle fingers to let you know how i feel.”

“Somebodys cranky.”

“Somebody needs to shut up.” 

“All due respect but thats a bunch of crap.”

“I am one of the few people in the world who can murder you and leave no forensic evidence behind.”

“Excuse me. I have to go make a scene.”

“What did i tell you about calling him/her the devil?”

“That it’s offensive to the devil?”

“I heard that!”

“You were supposed to!”

“I’m not weird. I’m limited edition.”

“If history repeats itself, i am so getting a dinosaur.”

“You seem somewhat familiar. have i threatened you before?”

“Even when we were kids, i always kicked your ass!”

“Sarcasm is the body’s natural reaction to stupidity.”

“Don’t look in her eyes, she might steal your soul.”

“She’s hot, but she’s evil.”

“Do i regret it? Yes. Would i do it again? Probably.”

“You’re going to burn in a very special level in hell. A level they reserve for child molesters, animal abusers, and people who talk at the theater.”

“I’m not a damsel in distress. i’m a damsel doing damage.”

“Sometimes i question my sanity. Occasionally it replies.”

“Why should we date?”

“Because we’re attracted to each other.”

“I am attracted to pie, but i do not feel the need to date pie.”

“Why does everyone assume the worst of me.”

“It saves time.”

“You’ve successfully cured him/her of anything interesting about his/her personality.”

“Neither one of us is drunk enough for this conversation.”

“Wow somebody needs a happy meal.”

“I didn’t do it!”

“Then why are you laughing?”

“Because whoever did it is a freaking genius.”

“Idiots. I’m surrounded by idiots.”

“You couldn’t handle me even if i came with instructions.”

“Obviously you have mistaken me for somebody who gives a shit.”

“I’m so glad you could come.”

“Cut the crap. give me a drink.”

“Where have you been all my life?”

“Hiding from you.”

“I can tell that you think what you’re saying is funny, but...no.”

“If you pull out my earphones, i will pull out your lungs.”

“Ah, he’s playing hard-to-get. thats cute.”

“I feel like a freakin’ soccer mom.”

“My ex? Yeah id still hit that. Except this time it would be with a car or a baseball bat.”

“Such big evil in such a little thing.”

“For the love of fuck.”

“Yep, thats me. i love to fuck.”

“Are you ready to go?”

“Yeah. let me grab my machete.”

“We’re going to sephora. no machetes needed.”

Clears throat seriously, “Yas bitch.”

“No road trip is complete without the snacks. So go in there and buy everything you can fit in a tiny cart.”

“I’m all for making you miserable by being insufferable, but unfortunately i have things to do today.”

“Come on, you can help me make conspiracy theories. If you make an especially good one, ill pay for dinner.”

“You know what? Why not? I haven’t ruined my life yet this week. Lets go.”

“Do these dark circles under my eyes say nothing to you about how i am doing?”

“If i didn’t know you better, id say you were trying to flirt by giving me books.”

“What are you talking about? Im hilarious!”

“Duct tape? Duct tape is not going to fix this!”

“What did you think? That you were going to fight him?”

“You’re blocking the view.”

“I am the view.”

“Why are you on the floor?”

“Tying my shoe.”

“You’re wearing rain-boots.”

“Cant stop me from slaying!”

“Close your eyes and imagine it, all the dogs in the world.”

“Be careful, he’s so sweet you might get diabetes.”

“Would you reconsider if i was sober?”

“Stop running i’m wearing flip flops!”

“Why are you holding your boobs?”

“I wouldn’t call it stalking, more like far distance admiring.”

“You need to stop making her laugh! you’re ruining her makeup!”

“I’m sure i can get some kind of sexual gratification from just staring at him if i try hard enough.”

“I’m not sure if its a sexual thing or not.”

“I’m either in the mood for french fries or to rip someone’s head off. Hmmm. decisions, decisions.”

“If you’re not out of the shower in the next five minutes, i’m going to cut your fucking hair off to make your life quicker.”

“No, i will not dress up as a chicken.”

“I never told my extended family that we broke up, and now they want to know when you’re coming over for dinner again.”

“I need a date to my relatives wedding, and i’ve already asked literally everyone else i know, so i know you probably hate me, but please say yes. Otherwise they’ll try to set me up with someone, and they have awful taste.”

“One more sound and i swear to-”

“Sometimes when (name) texts me, i just pretend they didn’t so i don’t have to respond.”

“You gave our pigeon boyfriend the wrong beans!”

“If i’m like 50 and still single, ill marry you because tax benefits.”

“Please, never have children.”

“I know its like 11pm, but i’m on my way to your house with nacho fries.”

“Sometimes i wish i was gay so i wouldn’t have to deal with all these dumbass boys.

“You know, would’ve been nice if you told me your whole ass family was coming to this dinner! I look like a troll.”

“Im going to the party to pet the dog, no thanks drugs.”

“I hope in college i get some excuse to deck him. Maybe with a bottle or something, ill wing it and be like “oops, sorry shithead, my hand slipped.”

“What is this shit...i’m just trying to graduate.”

“Ooo, i sense attitude in your tone.”

“Guess who only got two hours of sleep? Me, lol, i’m gonna die.“

“I’m gonna strangle you.”

“Is that a threat or a promise?”

“Superheroes aren’t allowed in my house, especially after they’ve destroyed my living room. go away.”

“oh you’re coming. even if i have to drag you through the snow in your pajamas.”

“i swear you’re gonna end up getting like botox in your tits or something.”

“well i mean-”

“whAT DO YOU MEAN?!”

Once again, these are loosely categorized as funny.

admin Charlie💕

[flairrstarling]

Sanders Sides Mafia AU

In which Thomas is the part of a Mafia family (not technically a blood-related family, just a really small tight knit Mafia gang, instead of a full out 100+ member mini army with a whole hierarchy figured out).

//this post is to quench my thirst for an evil Sides au lol so if u looking for fluff/angst/anything that isn’t absolute edge u can scroll right past

Roman

- The Right Brain

- Creativity, in charge of imagination

- Hangs out with Deceit all the time, coming up with elaborate tricks and lies to pull on the police

-Also hangs out with Logan, discussing exploitation and manipulation tactics (also inventing new torture and killing methods)

- Wears a crown and has a red fur-lined cape draped around his shoulders instead of a sash. He has black costume instead of a white one, but this one has intricate golden designs lining the cuff of his sleeves. His sword is still in its sheath though. Sharper and longer, but lighter.

- Red eyes smirk at you from the dark.

Patton

- Moral compass and empathy.

-Not many moral values. Doesn’t believe things like kindness without strings attached, after all, why advocate something that can hold Thomas back?

- Loyalty within the family is high on his list, but otherwise he’s very loose. Believes that disloyalty is the highest sin, and should be punished severely. That’s where a lot of Roman and Logan’s torture methods come in.

-Thomas may be a part of the mafia, but there is still use in having manners and being presentable. It’s quite ungraceful and impolite to just start a massacre on impulse.

-But sometimes he just can’t help himself.

-Tries to advise against killing children. Tries. Half-heartedly.

-Nah, he loves the sounds of the little kiddies’ screams squeals. He loves cuts and blood. The human body has so much of this beautiful red.

-Emotional intelligence. Handy for manipulation.

-Empathy means recognising likeminded people’s motives, very useful for dodging tattletales and no good backstabbers when recruiting. Logan is very pleased with his skills. So far Joan and Talyn have proven to be loyal and efficient, just as Patton had made them out to be.

- Blood splatters everywhere, crazed bright blue eyes, wide and full of the light of insanity.

-I want to give Patton a special and memorable redesign but the truth is he just looks more iconic in his normal clothes, innocent and childlike and whatnot, except for the bloodstains and sharp knife of course. Oh, and the yandere tendencies.

Virgil

- Anxiety, fears

- Has little power over Thomas these days

-plagues him with nightmares of Joan, Talyn and his whole family turning against him

-other nightmares include being assassinated by a hitman

-as years go by and Thomas’s enemies in the underground black society accumulate, the more power Virgil has, before he ultimately reduces Thomas to an empty, distrustful old man, too cowardly to tell a believable, bold lie, and when he does, too scared to go through with it. Reputation destroyed, anxious and restless, he leads his family to their demise before they all abandon him and he dies alone.

-Virgil doesn’t really hate Deceit. But he also kind of does. It’s complicated. Virgil’s job is fears and anxieties. Insecurities. Everyone has their own creepy crawlies they sweep under the rug. Thomas is scared of getting caught. Of being punished, jailed, sent to death for his crimes. But he’s already a criminal. It’s too late to change now. So instead that fear is projected onto

- Choker, piercings, bubble gum and tattoos. Brass knuckles and spiked bat. Top half of his jacket slid over, exposing pale skin lined with scars, stitches and bruises. Sleeveless tank top, purple eyes and permanent scowl.

- Kinky goth boy.

Logan

- Left Brain

- Logic

- Booksmarts aren’t all that handy now, but having to constantly catchup with new code words in the underworld occupies him enough.

-On top of that, being well versed in law means backup if anyone gets caught.

-Of course, it also happens that logic is needed for literally, everything.

-Y’know, decisions like who should be sacrificed in trying times

-Whether to trust this new but proven to be competent newbie at a particular job

-Can Thomas get away with this crime in this area?

-And literally every family operation is meticulously planned by him.

-It’s up to him and Virgil to turn Roman and Deceit’s ideas to something believable. At the same time he has to stop Virgil from turning Thomas into a coward. He also stops Deceit from making Thomas lie compulsively about everything and Patton from going on a crazy killing spree when he has too.

-A businessman’s suit. Black all over, except for a dark blue tie and blue tinted undershirt. Hair slicked back perfectly, glasses thin-framed and rectangular. He doesn’t really need them, it just makes him look frail. The getup hides his aptitude at defending himself. Prefers handguns. He hates getting bloodstains, but somehow still gets some splashes anyways.

-Dark blue eyes, their toxic glow like the harsh cold they radiate.

Deceit

-Self-preservation

-Snake boi, main side.

-Well, he is self-preservation. And guess what? When you’re in the crime business, you’ll need that a whole damn lot.

-Can’t be giving other people good deals and pitying every orphan street rat they come across

-When he and Roman are bored they sometimes write this list of things to say to the police for scenarios they could be caught doing

-sometimes it’s genuinely believable and sometimes it’s just “OFFICER THERE THE COOKIE MONSTER’S ESCAPING”

-But Deceit can’t really talk to any one side for too long. Everyone is slightly intolerable in their own ways. Roman always needs an ego stroke, Virgil always needs to be comforted, Patton always has to be forced by someone before he lets down his facade, Logan always needs to be heard, he could feed into these weaknesses and gain power, but what’s the point? He’s already a main side, and doing that takes a lot of effort. But he tries sometimes. He likes to think of it as a trade. The sides get a bit happier and healthier for a bit, and he gets what he’s after. Like an extra cookie or meal, a favour, object, another side’s vote on a certain topic, etc.

-A snarl and hiss, revealing sharp fangs and a forked tongue. His eyes are open, but you can only see one, sinister, bright yellow eye, and the beastly black slit at its centre.

-lol i think he looks dark enough the way he is, don’t he?

Thomas

-This is a mafia FAMILY. There is no head. Everyone is family, everyone is equal.

-Well, that’s what he said.

-The founder of the family was Thomas. He was a lowly scammer and thief, but then he recruited Joan and Talyn. They jumped in on the bandwagon and soon, more and more people came in. Terrence, Mary Lee, Lee, Camden...then suddenly they were armed, six feet deep into the drug smuggling trade and had a secret base to top it all off.

-So technically, Thomas is the head, Joan is his right hand and Talyn as well.

-Thomas has grown a lot of guts since he founded his family and knew he had people who had his back. He went from scamming and stealing to bank heists and trading with top members of black societies.

-He’s also experienced betrayal of course. But they worked that out. He knows he can trust his family. He just knows to take precautions.

-“ACCEPT GAYS OR ILL RAID YOUR BANK”

-T: “Hey now that I think about it Roman I don’t think that was a very good idea”

V:“YOU’RE TELLING ME YOU WENT THROUGH WITH IT”

-He stares you down, with hard determination in his eyes, and a bit of peace and resign.

Thomas Sanders, who recruited and assembled one of the most powerful mafias in the world, is here, surrounded by the police, his gun cocked, smiling warmly and confidently, knowing that his family has escaped.

[sapphicscholar]

Chapter Text

Trying not to think about how adorable Maggie looked in the long sweatpants she’d borrowed that pooled at her feet—and really, it wasn’t fair for someone to look that cute in baggy sweatpants—Alex focused on keeping a glare plastered on her face and looking intimidating. After all, this was a business negotiation.

“I’m not leaving.” Maggie crossed her arms across her chest, wondering just how much of an edge she was losing in these negotiations by the cozy sweats she had borrowed; 3am just didn’t seem the time to have to drag back on formal attire.

“I’m not either. I was here for weeks before you, and I’m the only reason you have half the contacts you do.”

“And I appreciate it, but while you’re behind the bar, I’m the one that’s been getting close to them at the table.”

“Yeah? And I know every word that they say to each other when neither of us is around.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean I have that whole table bugged.”

“Ah, but that means you have no usable recordings from the times when I was there—you pretty much need me, Danvers.”

Alex snorted, “I don’t need anyone.”

“Think about it—they already know us as a couple, and having someone else in any situation ensures a bit of security, some backup at all times…”

“What? So you think we’re gonna keep dating now that you’re not my mark anymore?”

“Be a little weird if we were both still hanging out with them after a nasty break up.”

“Really it’d be the lesbian way to break up and stay friends, but I guess you’d know that since you were only ever faking it about being a baby gay.”

“Yeah, well…” Maggie trailed off, picking at the edge of her shirt. “Look, I know we’re kind of bickering about, I don’t know, jurisdiction or whatever, and that we just had each other locked up, and I punched you in the face—”

“I got you too,” Alex interjected, shifting the ice pack on her mouth.

“Yeah, you did get me,” Maggie conceded, failing to hide her grin. “But I wanted to say that how you treated me, even believing I was a pretty shitty person—it was really decent, Danvers. Makes me wish I had someone like you there for me back then.”

“Oh, uh, yeah, no problem.” She tried to tamp down on the swell of indignation she felt at the idea that someone had treated this woman less than perfectly while she was coming out.

They sat in silence for a few moments until Maggie spoke up again: “I think we should work together.” Anticipating Alex’s objections, she continued, “I’m not normally one for working with partners, but from what I’ve seen, I think we’d make a pretty great team.”

Alex paused to consider it. If she wasn’t working with Supergirl, generally J’onn had to fight tooth and nail to get her to bring a partner with her on any missions. But somehow she thought she might understand what Maggie was saying, suspected that they just might be good together—as work partners. “If you fuck this up for me, it’s all on you.”

“The amount of confidence in my skills is truly astounding. You flatter me.” Alex just rolled her eyes. “So, we keep dating.”

“Cat and Maria keep dating,” Alex corrected her.

“Right, right. That’s what I meant.”

“They want Maria to use her money and maybe her office space for some kind of Cadmus initiative, and they want Cat to start proving that she can still be as smart and driven as she once was,” Alex added, thinking back to the tapes. Now that she wasn’t focused on getting Maria to trust her, she could focus on winning over Sam (really, Victor had been too easy).

“Why doesn’t Maria sponsor her girlfriend’s scientific pursuits? I bet I could turn that office space I’ve got my agency renting into half-office for me, half-lab for you.”

“Damn, that’s like advanced U-Hauling right there.”

“What can I say? Maria’s a fast learner.”

“Well she had an excellent teacher,” Alex shot back, feeling herself relax as they sunk back into the playful banter she’d come to expect with Maggie—well, Maggie as Maria, only this time she didn’t have to feel quite so guilty or on edge at all times.

“That’s true. Very specific directions last night…”

Blushing a brilliant shade of red, Alex let out a huff of annoyance. “It was for the mission.”

“No, no, I’m not complaining! It was really thoughtful of you—making sure Maria would know how to eat pussy properly before you arrested her and shipped her off to prison.”

“According to Orange Is the New Black, it would seem to be a valuable skill there,” Alex teased.

“Mm, yes, making me quite the hot commodity. ‘Sure, she’s a terrorist, but you’ll love the things she can do with her tongue!’” Maggie announced in her best advertising voice, beaming when Alex laughed loudly.

Forcing herself to look serious once more, Alex put down her ice pack and laced her fingers together. “So, you’ll give me lab space, proving that you’re loyal, and I can show that I’m just as valuable as they’d always hoped I might become?”

“And we’ll make sure that when it comes to events and demonstrations, we’re always together as backup and distractions for planting bugs.”

“Yeah, alright. Now, I know we should probably plan for what we’re gonna do at the rally this weekend, but I’m kind of exhausted.”

“Me too,” Maggie agreed, stretching and yawning as if to demonstrate just how sleepy she really was.

“Want me to call you a cab?” Alex offered.

“What? It’s almost morning. Can’t I just sleep here?”

“I guess you could take the couch…”

Fixing Alex with a stern gaze, Maggie shook her head. “Unlike you, I won’t be creeping around your apartment planting bugs while you sleep. And I’ve already had my tongue literally inside you, so it’s not like spooning is gonna add some weird new level of intimacy to our relationship.”

After a moment, Alex huffed, “Fine.” A beat, then: “But no spooning!”

“Yeah, yeah, you wish I would big spoon you. I’m an excellent snuggler.”

“Sure you are, Sawyer.”

Eventually they made their way back into Alex’s bedroom and settled into the bed. After a few moments, Maggie rolled over onto her side to talk to Alex. “You know, maybe I should’ve taken you up on the offer to sleep on the couch. It might actually be more comfortable than this…is this a futon?”

“We don’t all get put up in some kind of life of luxury,” Alex grumbled. “Or is that what you’re used to normally? Want to become a spy to piss off rich parents?”

With a snort of laughter, Maggie shook her head. “Not even close to rich, and just being gay pissed them off enough for me.”

“Oh. Fuck, I’m sorry. If I’d have known—”

“You’re fine,” Maggie dismissed her concern with a wave. “I’m over it now. Their loss and all that shit.”

“Still,” Alex shrugged.

“How ’bout you make it up to me by telling me something about your real life?”

“Hmm…I’m not really an avid bicyclist.”

“Yeah, the whole flip over the handlebars probably could’ve told me that much.”

“Hey! I’ll have you know I’ve gotten quite handy with a bike mechanic’s kit since I’ve been here.”

“I did see the Facebook photos…”

“I know…noticed you lingering one night.”

It was Maggie’s turn to blush and stammer now before finally turning back to her questions in an attempt to deflect the attention back on Alex: “So, alright, you don’t fix bikes for fun. What does the real Alex Danvers do to let loose?”

“Uh…these days? Spar. Work on my motorcycle.”

“Ooh, a woman after my own heart.”

“You ride?”

“Motorcycles, yes. Bikes…not so much.”

“Yeah, though it’s not the worst mode of transit, you know? It’s like living life on the edge takes on a whole new meaning. Plus, yelling obscenities at shitty drivers is a nice, safe way to lose my cool when I can’t strangle the Cadmus lackeys.”

“Ooh, maybe I should take up yelling at strangers! Though the angry fucking helped a lot too.”

“Yeah, well, you can only do that with Cat, or you’ll ruin our identities.”

Trying not to smirk at what sounded an awful lot like jealousy in Alex’s tone, Maggie batted her eyelashes. “Is that your way of offering?”

“Not what I said. Now go to sleep; the sun’s about to rise.”

“Fine, fine.”

“And no cuddling!”

“Yes, ma’am.”

---

They woke up curled together, Maggie’s leg hooked around Alex’s waist and Alex’s face burrowed in Maggie’s neck.” Alex would go on to insist that she was simply cold because the building manager hadn’t figured out that he needed to turn on the heat for these godforsaken East coast late fall mornings, ignoring the fact that she couldn’t remember the last time she woke up anywhere near the people she’d allowed into her bed—whether in missions or in real life.

While Alex showered (and secretly did a lap around the apartment checking for bugs, letting out a sigh of relief at the confirmation that those games really were over), Maggie pulled together ingredients for breakfast, and by the time Alex was dressed again, she had omelets and toast plated and ready.

“Hmm, maybe this whole fake dating is for me,” Alex mused, sliding into a seat as Maggie slid a plate down to her.

“As long as I get something out of it too…” Catching sight of Alex’s suspicious glare, Maggie clarified: “Like some early morning surprise coffee deliveries, a guaranteed date to fend off unwanted suitors at formal events, that kind of thing.”

“Oh, right, yeah. I can do that.”

“Mhm, so speaking of events, we have that Cadmus rally coming up this weekend. Have you gotten any details?”

“Just that we’re meeting by the bar on Saturday afternoon.”

“Were you able to get off work?”

“Yeah, Waverly’s covering my shift.”

“I have to ask: is she evil too?”

“Nah, she seems like a pretty decent person—at least, as decent as anyone that perky can be in my book.”

Maggie snorted. “Does she think you’re evil?”

“Um, she tries to be pretty understanding, but she knows I’m anti-alien. She got the same story about the attack, though, so I think she’s convinced I can be brought around even if she gets why I might still be bitter.”

“If you don’t mind my asking, how did you get that scar?” Maggie asked, thinking back to the jagged white line she had traced across Alex’s back just 24 hours earlier, even if it felt like a lifetime ago now.

“Oh, er, it actually was kind of an alien attack, but I’m not dumb enough to blame all aliens for it.”

“Fuck,” Maggie swore. “Did you really get left behind bleeding and dying?” Even if Alex seemed like a strong woman, she still hated the idea of her being abandoned like that.

“No, no, nothing like that.” Alex tried not to read too much into just how worried Maggie had looked when she heard about the attack; it meant nothing more than her own concerned reaction to finding out that Maggie’s parents had been less than supportive of her coming out.

“Good, good…” Maggie trailed off, still looking a little concerned. “So, meeting at the bar!”

“Yeah, but they haven’t mentioned what’s actually going down. Well, I haven’t gotten to listen to the tapes from yesterday or today since either we were together or I was busy investigating you.”

“Want to settle in and listen? I can get our coffees if you want to get the tapes queued up.”

“Works for me.”

“Still take your coffee black, one sugar? Or is that just Cat Sullivan’s order? You’re secretly a non-fat, no-whip pumpkin spice latte kinda gal?” Maggie teased.

With a roll of her eyes and a middle finger directed at Maggie, Alex took off to get the tapes ready, yelling over her shoulder: “Still my order.”

As it turned out, very little information of importance was given on the tapes, though they did get a bit of a heads up that they might be invited back to Sam’s house after the rally depending on how things went, so they both agreed to collect the resources the other hadn’t yet destroyed to see if they couldn’t plant bugs by Sam’s house—neither of them wanted to deal with the consequences of bugs being found insider her home if they were the only ones that had been in there.

Catching sight of the time, Maggie pulled herself up and off of what actually was a very comfortable couch. “I should head out, still need to call Kate and convince her that teaming up with the DEO isn’t the worst thing in the world.”

“Yeah, I should probably check in with my team as well, let them know about Saturday.”

Maggie nodded, though she didn’t move to leave just yet. “Um, did you want to do something this week?”

“What, like a team meeting?”

“Or, you know, dinner?”

“Oh right, yeah, undercover dating and all.”

“Mhm.” Maggie didn’t add that she’d also gotten rather accustomed to Alex’s near constant presence in her life, looking forward to their midday coffee dates and the nights she spent in the bar more than she cared to admit.

“Maybe you could take me out for a nice dinner to tell me all about this brand new lab you’re surprising me with?” Alex suggested.

“So I’m supporting your career and your stomach—I see how it is, found yourself a sugar mama.”

“Caught me. Got myself an evil fairy godmother.”

Rolling her eyes, Maggie turned around and grabbed her real clothes, not particularly looking forward to changing out of Alex’s sweatpants but knowing they weren’t really Maria’s aesthetic. With a loud groan, she shimmied out of the pants and bent down to pull up the tight black designer jeans she’d worn the night before, moving a little more slowly than was absolutely necessary after noticing that Alex’s gaze was trained firmly on her ass. She made a similar show of pulling off the oversized t-shirt and putting back on her bra and silk blouse, and she tried not to laugh when Alex’s head snapped in the other direction as soon as she turned around to face her.

“All dressed,” Maggie announced, even though she knew Alex was well aware of that fact, having watched the process with rapt attention.

“Good!” Alex’s voice was just a little higher pitched than she would have liked, but she cleared her throat and stood up, guiding Maggie toward the door. “So, I’ll see you someday soon?”

“Looking forward to it.”

As they lingered by the door, neither of them quite sure how to end things, Maggie finally reached for the lock. Halfway out the door, she turned back and grabbed Alex’s hand, pulling her forward just enough for a chaste kiss that still had her heart pounding in her chest. “Bye, Cat.”

“Bye,” Alex managed before shutting the door and letting herself sink to the floor. Apparently knowing they were on the same team would do nothing to help with the confusing jumble of feelings she’d had for Maria.