#the hardest part about trying to cut down on drinking is like. alcohol literally eliminates my social anxiety & ocd compulsions

[lakemichigans]

if antidepressants made me feel the way alcohol makes me feel the world would be a better place lol

[heyitssmiller]

Chop It Like It’s Hot

Chapter 2: Goodness Gracious, Great Balls of Fire

@lumosinlove Thank you for your lovely characters! This has been so fun to write. :)

Hope you guys enjoy!

Chop It Like It’s Hot Masterlist

Leo took one look one look at his co-star slumped at a table in the break room and changed his trajection to include a stop at the coffee machine. “Morning, Dorcas.”

“You’re not allowed to talk right now.”

He laughed under his breath, pressing the espresso button and opening the fridge to look for any non-expired milk products. “Talking is a big part of our job, you know.”

“Does it look like I’m on the clock right now?”

Leo hummed noncommittally, stirring some whole milk into the coffee before sliding it across the table to Dorcas. “Rough night?”

She grabbed the mug and took a tentative sip. Her shoulders relaxed fractionally and she let out a relieved sigh. “I forgot that you actually know how to make office coffee taste good.”

“I’m offended that you doubted me.” Leo took the empty seat next to her. “Now what happened?”

Dorcas looked down at her hands wrapped tightly around her mug, expression carefully neutral. “I broke up with her.” She laughed humorlessly. “I knew it wasn’t working for a while now, so I don’t understand why I’m so upset about it. Our schedules never lined up and we never really saw each other anymore. So I figured it was best to do it now instead of dragging it out.”

Leo knew she wasn’t one for physical affection, so he just sat by her side. “Still hurts, though. She was a big part of your life for a while now; it’s ok to be upset about it, no matter what the circumstances of the breakup are.”

“Yeah.”

“You’re going to be ok. Might not feel like it right now, but you’re as tough as they come.”

“Relationships are shit.”

“Breakups are shit.” Leo corrected gently.

“You know, sometimes people just want to feel like shit for a while. You don’t have to try and fix everything all the time.” She said, but her voice was teasing instead of accusatory. “How are you not emotionally exhausted all the time?”

“A lifetime of practice and sheer force of will.”

Dorcas laughed and shoved him away. “You suck.”

“If you want someone to just rant to, I can definitely make room for that tonight. You can experiment with your cocktail recipes, then get unbelievably drunk off them and trash talk all night.”

“You just want free drinks.”

“Consider it payment for the coffee and pep talk.” He said, rising to his feet. “Come on, we should get to the studio.”

She smiled and followed Leo out the door. “If there’s one thing guaranteed to cheer me up, it’s watching other people fail spectacularly at cooking.”

Dorcas got the cue from the director and started their cooking segment. “Recruits, today I’ll be showing you how to make perfectly-done mashed potatoes, and chef Leo will be teaching you how to make bone-in ribeye. Make sure you’re taking notes – you can use those when you attempt to recreate this dish later today.” There was a frantic flurry of movement as everyone took their notepads out and tried to find their pens.

“All right,” Leo grabbed a large slab of ribeye from the ingredients counter with both hands and heaved it onto the front table. Several recruits flinched back while others looked sick at the sight of their meat actually resembling the animal it came from. He bit back a smile and picked up a butcher’s knife.

God, he loved this job.

“So we’re just going to cut these and then you’re going to take a towel and just basically tear this portion of the meat off in one big piece. You see that? Then we’re going to add oil to a hot pan and drop the steak in.” The sizzling sound of the Maillard reaction filled the room. “We’re going to be basting this with thyme and half a stick of butter once the meat is cooked.”

A frantic whisper of “What the hell is basting?” rose up as Dorcas took over the lead, starting by bringing water to a boil and then waiting for it to reduce to a simmer. Leo watched as several of the recruits’ eyes glazed over, completely lost as Dorcas peeled potatoes in quick, practiced movements.

Leo recognized Logan’s voice as it carried from his spot in the crowd. “Do they have a medic on this show?”

“I hope so.” Finn murmured back.

“Our steak is done now. See the color on that?” Leo grabbed the steak with a pair of tongs and held it up for the recruits to see. “Now for our sauce. Have you guys ever flambéed anything before?”

“Lo, is that French?”

Logan’s microphone just barely picked up his little chuckle. “Yes.”

“Its literal translation means ‘flamed.’” Leo supplied, watching fear develop on their faces and trying his hardest not to laugh, biting his lower lip in the process.

This was only going to end badly, in a glorious blaze of fire.

“We’ve never had a disaster happen on the show flambéing something. Let’s try to keep it that way.” He grabbed the bottle of cognac at his station. “I’m going to take all of this cognac, add it to our pan with the sauce, and light it.”

He grabbed a lighter, flicked it on, and lightly touched it to the surface of the alcohol. Pink-red flames sprung from the pan, causing several of the recruits to shout and step back in alarm. “We’re just going to let it sit and burn off that alcohol.”

Dorcas grabbed her pan and added shallots to it. “I’m going to start getting my shallots sautéed, and –“

“Shallots?” A recruit asked, confusion etched on her face.

“Yes.”

“What are those?”

Dorcas turned and grabbed a shallot from the counter behind her. “This is a shallot.”

“Oh, so an onion.”

“No.” Dorcas said plainly, grabbing a hand mixer to blend her potatoes, butter, and cream. “Once the shallots are cooked, I add them to the potatoes and mix it all together. Then all you have to do is plate all this and you’re done.”

Leo grabbed his saucepan and spooned some out. “Don’t forget to add your sauce on top of the ribeye.”

“Now it’s your job to recreate this dish on your own. You have an hour to complete this challenge. And your time starts… now!”

Chaos ensued. Knives were waved around haphazardly, chopping skills were slim to none. One recruit was still trying to turn the stove on, while another had grabbed a pan that definitely wasn’t going to be big enough for a ribeye steak.

Leo shot Dorcas a horrified look. “Did we go too fast? I thought we explained everything pretty well, but now I’m not sure.”

“That’s just the way of this show.” Dorcas said with a shrug. “We need to see what level they’re on and what their strengths and weaknesses are before we can really start teaching. It gets better when we’re allowed to get out there and help them.”

Finn and Logan had cut off their own ribeyes first and were headed back to their stations. “Oh god I don’t remember anything they showed us.” Finn stressed, putting his ribeye directly onto the pan without any oil.

Logan looked down at his thyme and butter, seemingly at a loss. “Just look at your notes.”

“I can’t read it. You know I have terrible handwriting. Look,” he flipped his notepad around to show Logan. “That’s all I wrote down.”

“Does that say goat?” Logan asked, not bothering to strip the leaves of thyme off the stems and just throwing the entire sprig of herb into his pan.

Finn turned it back around squinted. “Maybe?”

“I like your smiley faces, though.” Logan said, pressing a quick kiss to Finn’s cheek. The redhead smiled broadly.

“Thanks, baby.”

Dorcas hummed by Leo’s side. “I forgot they’re together.”

“Yeah,” Leo absentmindedly fiddled with the bracelet around his wrist. “Must be hard. Hockey’s not known for being accepting.” He tried not to think too much about his memories of locker rooms, judgmental eyes, and the slurs of his own teammates from years ago.

A shout from one of the recruits snapped him back to attention. The recruit was halfway across the room from her on-fire sauce and refusing to go back to her station. Leo sighed. “Flambéing was a horrible first lesson.”

“Maybe. But it sure is entertaining.” Dorcas raised her voice to be heard by the contestants. “Don’t leave pans on a stove unattended, please!”

“Let it rain!” Finn shouted, throwing salt into his pot of cooking potatoes. Dorcas cackled joyously as she watched.

“How much salt are you going to put in there?” Leo called, eyes wide.

Finn repeated, “Let it rain!” as if it were an actual answer.

“I think he just put a cup of salt in those potatoes.”

Dorcas was wheezing now, hunched over as she laughed.

“Laugh now, but we’re the ones who have to taste that.”

She instantly stopped laughing. “Oh shit.”

“We’re definitely going to need those drinks tonight.”

***

Logan’s dish was up first. Leo looked down at his steak and fished out a thyme stem, holding it up for him to see. “When you’re working with thyme, you really need to just use the leaves. When the stems are cooked they get really tough and can be like swallowing fish bones when they’re like this.” He cut into the ribeye and took a bite. “But your steak tastes really good. It’s perfectly cooked and not too dry.”

Logan flashed them a blinding smile (that might have left Leo a little speechless, but he wasn’t planning on admitting that anytime soon).

“The potatoes have a good consistency, too.” Dorcas added when Leo didn’t say anything else. “Good job, Logan.”

After several raw steaks, burned steaks, and soupy mashed potatoes were tasted, the dish both of the chefs were dreading the most appeared in front of them.

Finn’s potatoes.

Dorcas looked to Leo, then met Finn’s eyes. “Now, I haven’t come across many things I’m genuinely afraid to eat. But these potatoes…”

Finn laughed good-naturedly. “Yikes.”

Leo’s eyes bulged as he tried the potatoes. “I think I’m dehydrated now.”

“I think I have a water bottle somewhere, if you want it.”

“I’m tempted to take you up on that.” Dorcas said, voice strained. “In the future, go light on the salt.”

In the end, they had to eliminate the contestant who gave them burned steak and didn’t serve mashed potatoes at all. The directors called cut shortly after that and people visibly relaxed, chatting with friends while the cleaning crew came through and started dealing with the mess. Leo felt like he should probably help with that; there sure was a lot to clean. The crew would be here until midnight at this rate. So he grabbed a disinfectant spray and a rag, turning to start wiping things down and almost running right into Logan as he did so.

“Hey, chef!” Finn said from his spot next to the brunet. “Have your taste buds recovered yet?”

He laughed with a shrug. “I have a feeling they’ll be messed up from now until a month after this show ends. That might be for the best, anyways.”

“Why in the hell did you sign up for this?” Logan asked, head tilted in confusion. “You’re forced to eat awful food and watch a bunch of amateurs destroy this kitchen. Seems more stressful than anything.”

“I mean, watching you wave around that knife today just about gave me a heart attack-“ Finn interrupted him with a loud burst of laughter, causing Leo to smile as he continued, “But it’s fun teaching y’all. It’s a good change of pace. Doing just competitions gets old after a while.”

“Yeah, especially if you win all of them.”

Leo felt his cheeks heat up. “Not all of them.”

“Most of them, then.” Logan amended. “Don’t sell yourself short; you’re really good.”

“So are you guys.” Leo stammered a little, trying to think of the right words. “I – I just wanted to say it’s really cool that you’re both raising so much awareness for the need for diversity in hockey. It’s going to make a world of difference to a lot of people.”

I wish I’d had someone like the two of you to look up to when I was growing up.

He played with his bracelet again. It wasn’t a secret that he was gay – he’d talked about it a few times on various shows and competitions he’d participated in. That was one of the best things about the cooking industry. It didn’t matter who you were or what your secrets were; as long as you were a good cook, most people didn’t really care. Leo had realized at a young age that, no matter what he ended up doing with his life, he wasn’t going to hide any part of himself. He’d done that dance before, and he didn’t care to relive it any time soon.

Finn smiled, throwing an arm around Logan’s shoulders. “Well, thanks. It hasn’t always been the easiest, but we’re happy.”

Leo resolutely ignored the strange pang in his chest at those words. It wasn’t fair of him to be jealous. “I’m glad.” He glanced around and noticed the progress the crew had made. “I should probably go. We’ve still got a lot to do before we head out.”

“Do you guys need any help?”

Leo couldn’t help but laugh a little at that. “Seeing that you made most of this mess, maybe we should have you clean up,” he teased Finn, who pouted. “But no, we’re fine. Thanks for the offer, though. Y’all have a good night.”

“You too!” Logan called over his shoulder. He leaned over to whisper something to Finn, who threw his head back and laughed.

Leo turned away and started wiping down the nearest counter.

***

Post-Episode Interview

Leo: *gives the camera a pained look* Is cooking really this hard for people? I want to get out there and help them so badly, but I can’t. We’re supposed to just observe for this challenge.

The video switches from Leo talking to footage from the earlier challenge: Leo grimacing and taking an aborted step towards a recruit getting his face way too close to the fire. Leo looking on in horror as another recruit wields a knife incorrectly and nearly loses a finger. Dorcas laughing as a recruit tries to grab her potatoes out of a pot of hot water with her bare hands while Leo reaches out and grabs onto the edge of the table with a white-knuckled grip. “Oh god, this isn’t safe at all.” Dorcas ruffles his hair, standing on her tiptoes to do so. “Poor rookie. You get used to it.”

*Back to Leo in the interview room, pinching the bridge of his nose*

Leo: My hair will be completely gray by the end of this show.

[wittesworldtravelblog]

Hated my picture taken…can you tell.

The year was 2010, the place was Yellowstone National Park, the feelings were;

irate, mad, annoyed!  

Yes, I was angry.  I couldn’t do anything, I felt my body had failed me, but I had failed my body.  Getting up in the morning was a chore, my husband would wake early in the morning, start a campfire, eat breakfast, and read his book.  I laid in the tent, sleeping, or just laying there, dreading the time I stepped out of the tent.  Stepping out meant I had to pretend to be a “Happy Camper”.  

Spending a lot of time in the Tent

Ugh, I could barely buckle the seat belt

In truth the only time I was truly happy was when I was just sitting and observing the beauty.  That sounds great, but when you have an active husband, it is depressing.  Walking the paths in the park was pure torture, especially the ones that required steps.  I felt so depressed about my insufficient engagement in the experience.  My handsome, wonderful husband played along and pretended he was okay with my insufficient energy, but in  truth I knew he was secretly disappointed.

Just before I started my journey to weight loss surgery

Returning home was not much better.  I was teaching at the time and it was in July, summer break was a nightmare.  Still, not wanting to get out of bed, still disappointing my husband, kids, grandkids.  Living was a strain.  I couldn’t go up and down stairs without pain and heavy breathing.  I  weighed in at 298 pounds, I was considered, “Class 3 – Obese”.  My BMI was way over the 40 point.  I was a mess!  

I am not even sure where the idea came from, but one day I decided to call my insurance to see if they would pay for gastric surgery.  They would, but you had to be on a strict, doctor monitored diet to qualify for coverage.  Quickly, I set up an appointment with my doctor and explained my situation.  She agreed to monitor my weight loss.  I explained that I wanted to try the Fit for Life plan to lose weight.  She read the plan and agreed it would be a great way to lose weight as it promotes high protein, low carbohydrates, six small meals a day, with gradual addition of exercise.  

The hardest

PART

Was

Telling my family!

Telling my family meant after all these years of lying about being happy, I would have to admit, I hate myself.  I hate I let myself down.  I hate I let my husband down.  I hate I let my kids down, I hate I let my grandkids down.  I just hated I had to go through this to lose weight!  Of course, everyone would say, you are fine the way you are, you don’t need to do this…but they all would end up saying, if you do this, we will support you.  That is what I needed, support!  Lots and Lots of support!

The Weight Loss Center

The realization that this is happening

The scariest place to be

The happiest place to be

The only place for me

I researched and researched for a weight loss centers in the area that would perform weight loss surgery.  I was lucky!  There was a surgeon in our area that specializes in weight loss surgery and was and affiliate with the hospital/doctors on my insurance plan.  I found out they had an informational meeting at a hospital near me the following week.  My husband and I attended the meeting.  It was informative.  I signed the papers to allow them to contact my insurance and my doctor.  It was the scariest thing I have ever done.  Weight loss surgery is, at the least, going to change my internal being for the remainder of my life.  

Once done, it is

irreversible,

permanent,

Indefinite.

120 on my wedding day

  298 pounds in 2010

A few days later the call came in…we talked to your insurance, they will cover the costs if you do the three month diet and prove you can lose weight.  I laughed…my problem never was losing weight.  Sure I could lose, and then gain it back with another ten pounds added on.  I went from a 120 pound 18 year old to a 298 pound 40 year old.  Yo Yo dieting was a way of life for me.  The insurance clerk laughed and said, the next step would be to do the three months diet, come in for a consult, and when the diet is over, submit the results to the insurance company for the surgery approval.  Sounds easy, right?!?  Since I already knew about the diet and started with the diet a few weeks early I set up the consultation appoint.

Who Knew?

I had no idea there were so many weight loss surgeries.  Each surgery has its pros and cons.  Each aids in weight loss, each changes your internal structures, each is permanent, each had side effects.  Did you know that someone that has had gastric bypass will get physically ill if they eat sweets?  Sweets were never a problem for me.  The surgeon took my medical history, eating habits, exercising habits, and lifestyle into account and recommended I have Lapband surgery.  

LAPBAND?  Why?

Lapband is the least invasive surgery that treats obesity through the slower consumption of food, thus reducing the amount you eat.  The surgery consists laproscopically placing a silicon gastric band around the entrance to the stomach, the tube is also attached to a port used to “fill” the silicon tube. The gastric band constricts the stomach making the entrance into the of the stomach smaller and allows you to feel full with less food and then the food takes longer to digest with the constriction.  You are literally eating small portions, feeling full longer, and losing weight.  However, you are not changing your internal organs permanently.  The lapband is permanent, you will always have the port, but your internal organs are not changed in any way.  

Readying the body for the day of reckoning

Dietary Changes  

Eliminate – bread, rice, potatoes, pasta, crackers, chips, pretzels, cookies, cakes, pies, candy, sugar sweetened food, sweetened drinks, full strength fruit juice, processed food, fried food, breaded and saucy foods

Prepare your body:

Cut food into small pieces, chew thoroughly, eat slow, eliminate distractions, stop drinking 30 minutes before a meal and wait 30 minutes after a meal, start an exercise program for at least 10 minutes a day

Changing Eating Habits:

Eat protein first, unlimited vegetables, fruit at least once a day, three meals a day, no snacks, limit carbs to 20-30 a day, drink much water, avoid alcohol, take a multivitamin, keep a log of foods

Three weeks before surgery change to a soft diet

Two weeks before surgery change to a full liquid diet

Three days before surgery change to a liquid diet

Six months and 28 pounds lighter

Time to go

February 15, 2011 – The day that will live in infamy

Surgery took about an hour under general anesthesia.  Recover takes about four hours.  You cannot leave until you can keep down fluids and pudding.

Recovery is quick, within a few days you are at full activity level.  You need to slowly introduce regular food again.  The gastric band is in place and has limited constriction at first.  It is at your two week check up they complete your first “Fill”.  I will never forget that first fill!  The pain was intense.  I thought I would never do it again.  You will get a “Fill” every two weeks until you reach your goal weight or you can’t keep food down.  

Lapband surgery is the slowest in seeing results.  With Gastric Bypass you can lose 50-100 pounds in a few short months.  With Lapband you will lose slowly and steadily for about a year to two years.  

The pros –

I lost weight steadily – going from 280 pounds at surgery time to 168 pounds in August of 2013.  I enjoyed most of the foods I love and still lost weight.  I went from a size 26 to a size 10!  I felt great, no more knee pain, can get out of bed every morning with energy.  Life was better, house was cleaner, everyone was happy!  I learned how to eat healthy and that the amount wasn’t what counted, but what your body needed to survive is what mattered.  

Almost there

There

Looking good

Awesome!

Started riding horses again!

Comfortable with myself again

The cons –

Limited foods you can eat, no carbonation at all, frustration, vomiting, never feeling satisfied, and  depression increases especially if you are like me and stress eat.

This summer – gained a few pounds, but still looking good!

I am not going to lie!  It was hard and remains hard to this day.  I have gained some weight back, I currently weigh 185 pounds and I went from a size 10 back to a 14.  How did I do this…I went back to my old habits.  I became frustrated with not being able to eat, physically it was painful most of the time and I would often vomit if I ate too much.  The most irritating is the build up of gastric fluids when you are eating and they need to be expelled by vomiting.  I would cry for just a normal meal, a cheeseburger, steak, any normal food.  I was tired of ground meat, soup, mashed potatoes, and literally feeling hungry all the time.  I started to eat “slider foods”.  These are called slider foods because they slip right through the gastric band without constriction.  Of course these are the bad choices we make, cookies, ice cream, chips, candy, cakes, pies…pretty much anything bad for you.  

I am asked all the time – Would you do it again if you could go back?  The answer is simple, YES!  I am so much healthier and in the long run, happier.  I look at myself now and think that yes, I have gained some weight back, but I am also still 100 pounds lighter today than I was in 2010.  I still get frustrated, I hate the vomiting, I miss my beer, but I am so much better off than I was back then.  I haven’t had a fill in two years and thus I can eat steak, potatoes, rice, chicken and most meals now, but there are days that I cannot eat these foods physically.   I have learned to read my body and what it needs.  I still eat a lot of soup

My goals and why I am blogging about this part of my life:

Be HONEST with you

Help those with weight issues

Help those who may seek gastric surgery for weight loss

Share reviews of restaurants based on my dietary needs

Share my vacation from a different perspective

Ask for support from my followers when needed

If you have questions or need support please contact me!

      I Live a Soupy Life – My Story of Weight Loss Surgery The year was 2010, the place was Yellowstone National Park, the feelings were; irate, mad, annoyed!