#the home he built on destruction rooted by the feeling of rejection and wish for love and understanding- I love Shimura Tenko A Lot

[that-spider-fan-over-there]

So uh, do you guys ever think about how Tenko grew up with a man who had the capacity to take away his Quirk - the thing that ruined his life, took away his family - yet seemingly never once took his? That was probably a way to make him internalize he truly wished for destruction the moment he was born?

And Tenko probably questioned it but never dared ask because he was the one who accepted him, and sure he gives you a sinking feeling in your guts to the point you scratch your neck at the mere idea of talking to him (when was the last time you've had a doctor's consult? Or a simple ointment to relieve the pain? Isn't he friends with a doctor?), but he picked you up from the streets (because you don't deserve gentle touches when you're followed by the dust of death. your name is defined by it how do you know the name of that kid who wanted to be a hero) he gave you a place to stay (because your home was based on silent rejections and lies on the very ground you decayed), he accepted you even though you're only an individual born for destruction (and so is the crafted garden you're rooted on, but you could've thrived in another garden, another life.)

And maybe, you're just ungrateful. Your sensei is the only one who can understand the lonely traces of death that follows you, unnervingly so. Even though he's the one who can take that away from you with a mere touch.

(just like you can. just like you did. why can't you feel joy with that? you were born in from for destruction.)

(you could decay your allies with one single touch. they're irrelevant to your goals. why does your heart stop you from fulfilling that now? you had it in you back then. it never mattered before.)

(you tried to help someone ungrateful, once. he was killed by his your hand. they've helped him. why weren't you offered the same?)

(isn't this why you reject the hand that wants to save you? you could've killed him. and he still held your hands. the denied reality you had since you were a child.)

(do you still want to be a hero, shimura tenko?)

(... why can't you start now?)

But then again, how do you know you deserved better when you were nothing but a puppet- and now, with his goals destroyed, a very useless one?

Just thinking about Shimura Tenko.

[goldvnby]

biography

i. — ‹ ( if there were two guarantees in edward’s life from the very start they were that 1. finding success and upholding his parents’ precious reputation was his only option, and 2. he would not receive the privilege of finding happiness for himself. his family was far from a perfect match for the young boy. his pulse always seemed to race a little faster, his room would get a little messier, and his mind would wander a little farther. still, however, they were nothing if not persistent and by the end of his childhood edward had inherited their overbearing sense of pride. they hardly deserved to be as proud as they were. an affluent and well known family for their little corner of vermont but hardly much to write home about when contrasted against the mega rich only a state away. still, they had enough money to wear their wealth on their sleeves, occupying the largest ( and gaudiest ) home in town and speeding around in luxury cars. his father’s income was enough to support their lifestyle, which allowed his mother to focus on developing a prominent reputation within the community. ).

ii. — ‹ ( when he tells people off his childhood he paints it in a warm light, the good money american dream of scorching summer days by the lake and cozy vermont winters in the ski chalets. in reality, if his childhood was anything it was cold. neither of his parents left much time for their only son, and they spared even less time for each other. whenever possible his mother would head to a warmer climate to vacation and his father would jet off on whatever business trips he could. the times that they were together the pair would alternate between icy silence and fiery arguments. the final blow to their marriage came in edward’s sixteenth year while he was away at boarding school, his mother caught his father with another woman and all hell broke loose. it was a messy divorce that left edward in the crossfire. all in all his parents left him with a pessimistic idea of love and marriage, if he even believed in it at all. one of the major roots of his commitment issues is his fear that he is his father’s son. as it turns out his father had never been a faithful man and edward has simply accepted as fact that the streak of infidelity would continue in him. it seemed easier to accept it at that than to try at love and fail. failure, after all, goes against everything that edward stands for. ).

iii. — ‹ ( when he reached high school, edward was swiftly sent away from his parents home to whatever prestigious boarding schools they could stick him in for the colder months. the schools quickly became harder and harder to find, however, as this was when edward developed his tendency towards debauchery. being surrounded by nothing but other privileged youth he quickly discovered that the perfect mixture of confidence, brashness, and general disregard for the rules, could instantly earn him all the love and attention he lacked in his childhood. he mastered the art of charming the pants off of just about everyone. unfortunately, many schools didn’t much care for his antics and by his senior year, he had thoroughly exhausted almost all the institutions on the eastern seaboard. despite his rambunctious nature and tendency to be expelled, he was still quite successful in his academic pursuits. his charisma, well learned manners, and intelligence earned him the favour of many professors, and he graduated with high grades and a long list of references. outside of academics he always earned himself a place on the lacrosse and ski teams to make friends, as well as the debate team to make enemies. high school was also when he began to establish a long line of meaningless flings and broken hearts. he craved the attention and had more than enough confidence and charm to get it, but he would bolt before things could become serious. he always wanted more. his pride made it impossible to see anyone as worthy of him, his stubbornness made it so he could never see eye to eye with anyone, and his cynicism made him doubt that love was even possible at all. above all, loneliness had always been the dominant factor in his life, and to abandon that was terrifying. ).

iv. — ‹ ( after a gap year spent flitting around europe without purpose ( during which he came dangerously close to destroying himself as well as his liver ), edward found himself studying commerce at columbia. he instantly took to the city. it felt like for the first time in his life everything around him was alive with opportunity. to him it was a place to prove himself, and more than anything he wanted to be part of the upper crust of new york society. when he sets his mind to something edward is nothing if not determined. his act was cleaned up overnight. while he didn’t abandon his hedonistic ways, he relegated them to part of his life where they couldn’t interfere with his upward trajectory. late nights spent making and losing memories in the city were met with hot coffee and hard work in the mornings. with his revelry all compacted into short bursts it became even more volatile. his penchant for self destruction became a general disregard for his own life, and there wasn’t a stunt edward wouldn’t pull for the admiration of others. yet contrasting this completely his daytime in university was spent buttering up professors, joining the best societies, and working the most prestigious internships. by the end of the four years his life was falling into place, and everything was ready for success. ).

v. — ‹ ( things can never really work out for edward though, it’s practically a fact to him by now. just six months before his graduation his father became the centre of a hefty fraud case. not only did he have to deal with his family money being wiped out and his father receiving a jail sentence, the fallout of the scandal seeped into all elements of his life. his career path was hugely derailed. any family connections he had were wiped clean, and the ones he had built up on his own quickly started to disappear as word got out of what had happened. potential employers only had to do a quick google search of his name to discover the familial connection. it took several years for him to build up his credibility and get his life back on track. although he’s now finding success, the murky waters he started out in are not something he’ll easily forget. as for his father, while it isn’t exactly something he can keep a secret, those who know edward know to never bring the man up around him. it’s rare that he’ll confide in anyone about it, even raphael knows only what he can learn from others. he visits the penitentiary once a year on his father’s birthday, and always makes up a lie for why he’s going out of town. ).

vi.  — ‹ ( most of the time edward feels like he’s just waiting for the other shoe to drop. things are going smoothly career wise, he’s shockingly happy being monogamous with raphael, and he feels secure in his friend group. it all seems too good to be true, or too good to be true for edward at least.  there’s a darkness in edward, and so far as he can tell it always manages to soak up every bit of good in his life. he worries that by letting people close to him they’re just going to get caught in the crossfire. he’s at a precipice in his life and it can go one of two ways. he can either shape up and settle down, creating the life he’s always needed and never thought he can have, or he can continue down the path of self destruction, walking right into the life he always feared but didn’t know how to escape. ).

vii. — ‹ ( he’s always been extremely loyal with those he considers his closest friends and that certainly isn’t changing anytime soon, especially with nico. while from an outside perspective edward may seem like a pushy and inconsiderate friend, the reality is far different. while he lacks commitment romantically with friends when he really, truly believes that someone cares about him he returns that commitment tenfold. still, he finds it hard to believe that someone would stick around with him for so long. as for lucy, he values her and fears her in equal measure. he’s certain that she has the ability to turn everyone against him in one fell swoop if she wanted to, and she wouldn’t exactly be without her reasons. she sees right through him, in fact, he’s pretty sure she knows him better than he knows himself, which is quite terrifying for someone who doesn’t like for their true self to be known at all. at the same time, it makes her an easy person to turn to when things get rough. the sting of sophia’s rejection still burns him more than he liked to admit. he likes to get what he wants, and it was more than a bit shocking for the rug to get pulled out from under him like that. he can’t help but feel like its confirmation that there really is something wrong with him, and he feels a pang of insecurity every time she walks into the room. the good thing to come out of the mess with sophia is raphael. he still can’t believe it’s real, and having the same person to fall asleep to every night is actually helping a lot with his insomnia. once he felt secure with raph ( something he’s never found in a romantic relationship before ) he went all in. but he’s had his bad boy behaviour on pause for a while now and he isn’t sure how much longer he can keep it up. he just expects to fail, he’s sure he’ll slip up and ruin it sometime soon. he uses that certainty in his shortcomings like a crux so that when he does blow things up he can say he saw it coming all along. still, he wishes that raphael would just realize the mess he’s gotten himself into and run for the hills now, because edward is getting more and more attached every day. he’s even starting to see a future with raph, and the hope that stirs in his chest makes him feel a little sick. ).