#the horrors where the main actually dies fuck me up cause i'm used to 'final girl' tropes

[bettertwin1]

Honestly, when it comes to jumpscares- I just hate the surprise of it. If it is genuinely good horror without jumpscares, the good existential shit- I'm all in.

But I hate jumpscares cause they're not even scary but they still get me. If I focus I can see a jumpscare coming and it won't get me- but preparing for it the entire time just isn't fun, is it?

Jumpscares are so cheap~ horror movies don't need jumpscares to be good i'd genuinely prefer a horror where the anxiety of the situation is what ends up fucking with me rather than some random LOUD NOISE and a scary man in a mask suddenly shows up on screen 😭😭😭

LIKE IF THEY WOULD JUST UTILIZE REALISTIC GENUINELY SCARY THINGS WITHOUT LETTING VIEWERS KNOW WHAT THE OUTCOME MAY BE FOR OUR MAINS I'D BE TERRIFIED 😭😭😭 I'D BE DOUBLE GUESSING EVERY MOVE THEY MAKE LIKE NO!!! DON'T GO IN THERE!!!! YOU WERE INSIDE FOR TOO LONG AND WE HAVEN'T SEEN THE GUY EVER SINCE!!! HE COULD BE IN THERE 😭😭😭😭😭😭 WHAT ARE YOU DOINGGGGGG 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 WHERE IS YOUR FLASHLIGHT PELAASEEES OUAHHHH GET A WEAPON I KNOW UR PANICKED BUT COME ONNN PELASEEE

[getlostsquidward]

Divine Intervention

Irina Spalko x fem!reader

A/N: For the anon that requested another Irina fic, here you go! <3

Warnings: violence, blood, nudity

Summary: The knowledge-seeking woman gets what she wants, and more.

gif from here

“Tell me everything you know.”

“I want to know everything! I want to know!”

An ominous sound can be heard in the Akator. Debris of rocks from the ceiling was starting to fall, the walls of the temple were rotating, and there was a very bright light coming from above. Akator was slowly deteriorating, but Irina didn’t falter; spellbound by the creatures who will give her the knowledge she always wanted to have. The people around her either got away in time or were sucked in by the spaceship. She stood ground in the middle of the thirteen crystal beings, graciously accepting their great gift.

“Tell me. I’m ready. I want to know!”

A smoke-like thing transferred from their skulls to Irina, passing her the wisdom she so desired.

“I can see. I can see!”

The crystal skeletons started to merge, incorporating to form a body. “Cover it! Cover it!”

Irina was overwhelmed by the knowledge she had gotten. It was too much for her, a human brain to handle; her eyes started to burn, her body disintegrated and turned into ash.

-

Irina was woken up by the blinding ray of the sun peeking in between the tall big trees, in the middle of the woods. She touched her face, her arms, to check for any burns or wounds, but she found none. She also found herself… stark naked. No clothes, no shoes, not even her trusty rapier. Blindly believing that she was alone in this vast forest, she roamed around to find clothes and shelter.

She was incredibly hungry and parched, having walked for hours now. Her feet had small cuts now, her arms with insect bites, due to the absence of garments to protect her body. Yet, she doesn’t plan to stop searching even if the sun is setting down.

It was now dark, but she can slightly see a faint flicker of lights not far ahead. She followed the light, determined to get what she needed even if she had to kill someone if they refused. It was a two-story cabin, inhabited, based on the fruits and vegetables growing outside. She looked around the house, searched for another entrance beside the front door and windows. Irina found a back door, but it was locked. She stared blankly at the doorknob, wishing she had something with her to open the damn door that wouldn’t alert whoever was inside.

The knob clicked. Thinking that someone had opened it from the inside, she shuffled for a fighting stance, ready to attack. When the door didn’t open, she pushed it and peeked inside. There was no sign of people, and the lights were off. She peered in the dark, searched for something she can eat. There was none lying around, and instead, she met was some new shiny appliances.

Her eyes caught the knives in the corner, so she took one, just in case it was needed. The sound of stomping feet from the wooden stairs alerted the Colonel-Doctor. She hid in the dark and waited if the person was threatening enough to kill.

-

You skipped the last two stairs, rushing to the fridge to get a tub of ice cream. You skimmed the items inside, looking for something to snack on while you watch your favourite show. It was rather empty aside from the half-full ice cream tub, and some leftovers. You really have to get groceries tomorrow. As you closed the door, a sharp object was pointed at your neck. You retreat away until your back hit the table. You can faintly see the woman hovering over you thanks to the dim light from the kitchen island.

You slowly raised your hands on your head, “Woah, lady. What do you want? You wanna rob my kitchen? Well, consider this your unlucky day because there’s barely anything ther-“ you stop blabbering as she pressed the knife into your skin.

“I need clothes and food. And tell me what this place is.” Her thick accent sent shivers on your spine.

“Okay. First, this is my house, and well, we’re in the middle of nowhere; and this middle of nowhere is in the Y/C. I will get you clothes, but I need to get upstairs to my room. For the food, there’s a leftover in the fridge. I’ll heat it for you if you want. Please, just please don’t kill me,” you pleaded.

She stepped back enough for you to stand, but her hand grabbed your shoulder as a precaution as if you can outmuscle her. You walked towards the fridge to get her food and put it in the oven. After setting the timer, you head to the stairs, the woman still behind you. Once you got to your room she closed the door abruptly and gave you space to rummage on your closet. You don’t know if your clothes will fit her so you settled on giving her an oversized shirt and one of your comfy shorts. “Here,” you turned around to give her when you finally noticed that she was naked. “What the fu…” your eyes trail down her Alabaster skin, but abruptly faced away when she cleared her throat. Blushing from being caught, you merely tossed the clothes to her.

Gathering your courage to speak, you asked, “Lady, who are you and why are you very nude in my house?” You’re insanely beautiful too, and I mean that with utter respect.

“Irina Spalko. I woke up in the middle of these woods earlier. You can turn around now.” Once you did, she continued, “And thank you.”

“Well, I don’t really mind the company, as long as you don’t kill me, please.”

“Insanely beautiful.”

You stared at her dumbly, "What?”

“You said I’m insanely beautiful,” she said smugly, her lips tugging upwards on a smirk.

Now, what the fuck did she just said? “I- I didn’t say anything like that. You must be hallucinating, Ms. Spalko. Your hunger makes you hear things.” You scurried off downstairs to get as far away from her, and your ice cream. It must have turned to a puddle now.

You set her food on the table and wait as she took her time before following you out. She must be so sure that you wouldn’t take off and call for help.

The princess had finally descended, you thought as you watch her sit at the table and eat silently. “Colonel-Doctor. Not a princess,” she declared. You opened your mouth to speak but remained in an O-shape as no coherent words were coming out. “H-how- what- I- I don’t understand. A-are you a mind reader or something? A witch?”

“Neither. Just… a chosen one.” After that, she paid you no mind and continued eating.

You walked out of the kitchen, fearing that she would hear your thoughts again. Instead, you whispered to yourself, “What have I gotten myself into? I'm like a hostage in my own house, okay. I feel like the main character that dies first in a horror movie.”

You sauntered back in the kitchen and asked the woman, “I take it you’re staying here for the meantime? So do you wanna sleep in the living room or the guest room?” you probed. “I don’t really have much of a choice, do I? If I want to stay alive?”

She only nodded. “Thought so; Uhm, so, where?”

“Guest room.”

“Got it. If you’re finished, just throw the plate into the trash. I’ll ready the room.”

You just finished placing some sheets into the bed when she arrived. “Okay, housemate. Bed’s ready. It’s been a long day for the both of us, and I really wanna sleep now, so let’s settle what we have to settle tomorrow, ‘kay? Good night,” you finished your speech and closed the door. You leaned onto it and breathed out a deep sigh. When did you become such a hospitable host that you just let a dangerous woman into your house?

-

Sleep didn’t come to Irina that night. She tried to remember what happened before she got here. Right. They had returned the skull to Akator; she requested knowledge and they gave it to her. Her brain was overloaded with too much information that she disintegrated. Irina still remembers the excruciating pain, the feeling that someone was drilling holes into her head, the feeling of being burned, but here she was, alive and well. In the middle of nowhere, with someone who looks very vulnerable. You proved to be of use to her, so she won’t harm you… as of now.

Her mind drifted to you. How was she able to read what was on your mind just by sparing you a glance? Before, she needed to be close to the person as possible before she can read them. Her psychic abilities had her family ostracized; the reason she sought knowledge and her purpose. How about the doorknob? Did she do it? Did the interdimensional beings amplified her abilities, and possibly gave her more?

How many days have passed since she was in Akator?

64 years.

At first, she couldn’t comprehend how time had passed, seeing as she didn’t age one bit. But since Irina had encountered aliens herself, nothing was odd for her anymore.

“So you’re saying you’re from the ’50s?”

“Yes.”

“How did that happen?” you curiously asked. “I mean, one day, you’re in a temple in the ’50s, then you woke up in the woods in 2021?” she nodded. “Actually, you know what, whatever. I believe you. The world is in shambles right now and I wouldn’t be surprised anymore if aliens were real,” you finished as you parked your car.

“Here’s the deal, Irina. You’re a woman out of time, and so much had changed since you… since then,” you paused, “And you’re a very physical woman. Like I think if someone bumped their cart onto you you’ll tackle them to the ground, and I don’t wanna cause a scene. So, stick with me, please.”

So far, so good. Irina wasn’t causing a scene yet, except when she snatches out the item you were holding. She was intently reading the label and then muttering about how it wasn’t good for the body and then putting it back on the shelf.

The cart was nearly full; mostly food, toiletries, and some tools. Irina didn’t add anything save for a toy sword. Okay.

She was mostly quiet, but you see that her eyes silently wander around the place, on the people around, frequently landing on you. You spent shopping in comfortable silence, letting her absorb the state of the world. She may be listing off her questions in her head and then ask about them later.

You look at your grocery list and cart simultaneously, checking if you’ve got everything you needed. As you confirm that you’ve had, you gasped as Irina took your hand into hers and laced your fingers together. You looked at your joined hands, feeling how warm and soft her hand is. You remembered that she can read minds, so you jokingly asked, ‘What hand cream do you use?’, testing her ability once again.

“There are two men following us since we got out of the car. I doubt you noticed, but good thing you take so long in every aisle, I was able to confirm that they were indeed following us,” she whispered, her hot breath tickling your ears. “They intend to steal from you.”

Fear taking over you, you stammered “Oh. Stealing in the light of day, okay, uh can’t you do anything to them? Any more abilities? Clearly, you can defend yourself based on how you introduced yourself last night.”

“I could, but you said you didn’t want to cause a scene. And I wasn’t certain until now.”

“Yeah, I take that back. Do what you have to. I trust you.”

Irina found this as an excuse to measure her abilities. You continued to act normal, proceeding to the counter to pay for your groceries. They have no idea that you and Irina have noticed them already. The men split up, keeping themselves at a distance, as one queued at the counter beside yours. The other had gone out of your sight.

She planned to lure them into the alley at the back of the shop. Once you arrived, she had noticed the other man nonchalantly leaning on the wall ahead, waiting for you. You continued to walk slowly until you felt the second man behind you, effectively trapping the both of you in the middle of the back alley. The moment they got near, the man behind spoke, “You, the one with the bags. Give me your money,” he hissed, referring to you. “Your phone and keys. And no one will get hurt.”

You would’ve run for the life of you if there wasn’t another man waiting on the other side, flipping a knife. Eyes locked on Irina, you patiently wait for her instruction, hoping she wouldn’t turn on you and leave you alone.

“I won’t,” she murmured, side-eyeing either man at your side.

The Ukrainian wasn’t sure if her hunch was right, but if she wasn’t, she could still take both men with bare hands. She stared at the knife and envisioned it impaling on his stomach. The man’s grunt had confirmed her hunch as red stained his clothes, and blood trickled to the ground. She then pulled the knife out and willed it to pierce through the other man’s thigh. Once he was down on his knees, Irina’s hand that never left yours yanked you to run to your car. She gave them a last glance and hurled their bodies to the wall for safe measure.

Afraid that someone might have seen what happened, you started the car immediately and drove out. None of you spoke until you’re sure that you are far enough from the store. “What the fuck?” you blurted, adrenaline still coursing through you. “Did you- did you do that? No, no don’t answer. You definitely did. Uh, telekinesis and mind-reading? Any additional powers you’re hiding?”

You glanced at her, her eyes straight on the road. “Because if you’re planning to stay in my house for God knows how long, you might wanna tell me about them.”

She was silent for a while, contemplating her answer. “I don’t know if there’s more.”

When you didn’t respond, she told you everything that had happened to her since she was a child. How they were exiled in their village when her psychic abilities had manifested, how her own mother feared her for her naïve innocence, which led her to flee the village and search for answers.

You listened attentively, though lost yourself when she mentioned that she was part of the Soviet Union. You only hear and see on the internet how these people were trained, and uneasiness was creeping up. Her intentions weren’t clear; she hadn’t yet thought about what she’s going to do now that she’s in a society she outgrew.

When she noticed that you trailed off, she spoke, “I don’t use a hand cream.”

It was a good thing that you’re not stepping on any pedal right now because you would have pressed the brakes heavily. You raised your brow at her, amused, and a chuckle coming out from you. Though her eyes were still cold and impassive, a genuine smile tugged from her lips.

[silverypurple-rosedlions]

🥀//This content may contain sensitive topics that could upset you such as: mild language, violence, psychosis, blood, gun and knife use, arson, body carving, graphic description, and death. Please continue at your own will and be cautious . . .

𝙳𝚎𝚌𝚎𝚖𝚋𝚎𝚛 𝟾, 𝟸𝟶𝟸𝟶

And to their astonishment, he crawled out from the dark depths of death, escaping the gates of Hell that yearned for his twisted soul. With bloodied fingers, his chest heaving, clothes tattered as his body ached and trembled with broken bones, he sauntered to the abandoned building of the sick and ghastly. But a glint of venomous rage and determination glistened within his eyes that pooled their enchanted soft blue.

𝙳𝚎𝚌𝚎𝚖𝚋𝚎𝚛 𝟾, 𝟸𝟶𝟸𝟶

Breathing in sharply through his nose, he opened the door, existing the car with narrowed eyes. As he shut the door with the keys shoved inside his coat, ripples of shocked gasps and screams surrounded him. But he walked calmly past them, a path being made for him as he entered the large building belonging to The Silver Lions. And as he walked, the doors swung open, being greeted by the main members of the allied group.

"Holy fuck-" Soonyoung gasped. Beside him, Seungkwan dropped the briefcases he had been carrying, their contents spilling as he covered his mouth with his hands.

"Don't fuck with us! If this is some sick joke, I'll personally decapitate someone!" Seungkwan said.

"Goodness, and hear I thought you all would be crying tears of joy for the man who sacrificed their life to be a distraction," The other replied calmly, only to freeze as the two rushed forward and threw their arms around him.

"HOW THE HELL ARE YOU ALIVE, JEONGHAN?!"

"Because I used my brain, and did not remove the bulletproof vest," Jeonghan responded, wrapping his arms around the two tightly, feeling them tremble within his embrace. "Now . . . Where did you put my negotiator and consigliere?"

𝙳𝚎𝚌𝚎𝚖𝚋𝚎𝚛 𝟿, 𝟸𝟶𝟸𝟶

Joshua sighed, shifting his gaze towards Mingyu, who stood by the window his arm rested against the wall. Beside him was Seokmin, having the chance to hold Jane who was nestled in his arms, asleep.

"Mingyu, I think it's about time we sleep now. I'm tired..." Joshua said, catching the bodyguard's attention.

"Go to sleep with Seokmin and the others, hyung,"

"Mingyu, you haven't slept for two days. Don't make it three," Joshua rubbed his eyes, standing from the table. "Besides, there's nothing for you to wait for. And Jihoon will let us know when it is time to move,"

"I'll nap later, I promise..." Mingyu's hand formed into a fist as he shook his head, "And you don't even know what could happen. I mean, we clearly didn't see the invaders come trampling in," Mingyu responded sharply.

"Mingyu," Seokmin whispered with furrowed eyebrows. Joshua flinched at first automatically gesturing for Seokmin to leave the room with Jane.

"Mingyu, please. Just shut your eyes for a bit at the very least. I know you're just as anxious as we are, especially now that we're all miles away from each other, but you'll ruin yourself if you keep this up," Joshua said, crossing his arms as he walked towards the male. "And besides... Arin wouldn't want you to keep yourself awake like this, even if it's for our sake. Think about yourself too," Joshua frowned.

"I know... I honestly do, but I just can't sleep right after the incident," Mingyu rubbed his face, the distress finally surfacing after being pushed deep within in. "Everything was so perfect... And that was the only time we ever saw him express himself, the Jeonghan we knew back in Highschool... Then it all came crumbling down so fast, and, stupid or not of what he did, it worked... But not for him. You lost your husband, and the father to Jane... And we could've done better if we noticed the changes..."

Joshua hugged himself, nodding as he shifted his eyes to the floor, his heart clenching tightly at the mention of his deceased husband. "True... But there's nothing that can be done now. As much as we want, or hope we could've fixed it, or stopped it... We know it isn't possible.. But please attempt to rest or sit down. That's the least you can do for us, and, Jane needs her uncle's protection, yeah? But you can't do that if you're up so late," He stood beside Mingyu, staring down to the parking lot with few cars.

"I'll try at the very least... But what about you? Haven't you been struggling as well?" Mingyu questioned cautiously.

"Of course... Every second I am," Joshua responded, rubbing his arms. "I have been getting sleep, but... well, it's haunting..."

"And Seokmin's been drained entirely, hasn't he? Is that why he barely comes out from his room?.."

"He's just been so, so very tired..."

"...What will we actually do now?" Mingyu questioned, shifting his gaze towards the older. "Are you sure you can handle Jeonghan hyung's position?... To even appoint me as Underboss?"

"It's my responsibility now, isn't it?" Joshua whispered softly, looking towards the ring that glistened on his finger. He gently touched it, turning it slightly. "As much as I would rather let Jihoon take the position, it's now embedded into the family, and it directly goes to the Underboss... And it's the least I can do for everything he's ever done and wanted for us..." He paused. "And yes, I am positive that I want you to have your position again. But you must swear to me that you will not repeat your errors like you had done in the past. I entrust you with my life, and always have, but if you even dare to do it, especially with how things are now, I will not hesitate to have you suffer the consequences Jeonghan had refrained from."

Mingyu sealed the thick lump in his throat, shivers running down his spine as he exhaled, nodding. "Of course..."

Suddenly, they heard a knock on the door, causing them both to pause, turning their attention towards the locked door.

"No one left this building at any time, did they?" Joshua asked skeptically.

"No..."

"Mingyu, give me the backpack, and get the rest to the stairs," Joshua said, receiving the bag as he shuffled through it and pulled out his daggers. As Mingyu quietly made his way into the hallway, Joshua walked towards the door. He listened, waiting to hear if they'd continue or speak. But all that filled the air was silence.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

"Mr. Yoon, open up," Joshua froze.

"It's Jihoon, Joshua hyung. I've brought someone who needs our help desperately," Joshua didn't respond at first, unsure until he gained confirmation that it was the Consigliere. Breathing in, Joshua opened the door, unlocking the numerous locks before he found the younger standing at the door.

"What's with this new person?"

"Well... They want to gain their revenge, and, I'm sure all of us want to gain the opportunity at well," Jihoon said, causing the older to raise an eyebrow. "Isn't that right?"

"Oh," A male said darkly, sending shivers through Joshua as they came to the door, causing the other to drop his weapons, eyes big and round. "Most definitely. Wouldn't you agree, my love?"

"N-No... No way." Joshua said, his heart racing as his knees began to buckle, stumbling backwards with his hands over his mouth. "You can't-... Y-You can't play sick jokes l-like-"

"Joshuji, you know I would never play any twisted jokes like these on you. Never in my life, and, I swore to you I would never, yeah?" Joshua let out a sob as his husband stepped forward, holding his arms firmly. "I swore to you that I would never leave you. Not now, not ever." Softly, Jeonghan caressed his cheek, his other arm wrapping around his waist. "I would never abandon my Angel on this God forsaken Earth,"

"H-Hannie," Joshua choked, falling into his embrace as he held him tightly, sobbing as Jeonghan held him close to his chest, pressing a kiss to his head.

"Everything's going to be alright. I'll make it alright again... And we'll make them pay for this. We'll get our revenge once we've gathered the rest, my love. And then we'll finally have our well deserved time of peace. I'll make sure of it."

𝙳𝚎𝚌𝚎𝚖𝚋𝚎𝚛 𝟷𝟸, 𝟸𝟶𝟸𝟶

As the building filled the sweet sounds of agonizing screaming, Joshua hummed happily as he held Jeonghan's hand, both walking towards the room where the head man was kept. Blood splattered the walls, bodies being ripped and torn, others being filled with holes. Joshua turned his gaze when a man was slammed against the wall, Jun being the one to push a sharp blade into their shoulder to hold them in place, blood sprinkled on his face as he cackled wickedly. But they left him to his "fun," entering the room where the man behind the reigns was tied to a chair, squirming and thrashing as he spat vulgar words.

"Settle down, settle down," Jeonghan chuckled as the newlywed separated, watching as horror formed on the man's aging face. "We haven't even gotten to the best part~"

"T-That's impossible! You JUMPED! You should be DEAD!" The male screamed.

"I defy death, haven't you heard?" Jeonghan chuckled as Joshua left the room, leaving Jeonghan to circle the male. "Besides, even if I died, I have some unfinished business... Thanks to you, our fucking wedding nearly became a funeral the very same day. We didn't even have our family and friends attend thanks to you and your belief that you," He started to laugh, running his fingers through his hair, "you could even achieve the impossible!" He then grabbed the chair, whipping him around as he pulled him, bringing him face-to-face as he tilted his head, a sick and deranged look within his eyes. "And as a gift for your fuckery, you'll get a test of your own medicine, my friend!"

Jeonghan then twisted him again, facing him towards the door. "But you're not getting it from me this time. No, no. You're going to suffer the consequences from my darling of a husband since you brought greater grief upon him than anyone else!"

"YOU'RE ALL MAD! YOU'RE ALL FUCKING DEMONS FROM HELL!" The man yelled.

"Oh. Ohohoho. You're absolutely right," Jeonghan grinned wickedly, lowering towards the man's ear. "We're the most demented shits here~" As Jeonghan finished, Joshua walked in with a bat resting against his shoulder, the most twisted smile on his face as his eye twitched slightly from the rage that was slowly surfacing.

"Hannie got the chance to do this to his parents, you know? Give them pretty bruises and dents before having their bodies scorched. I'm sure you'll love the honor of receiving the same treatment~"

As the man continued to protest, cursing them and degrading them, neither listened. Instead, Jeonghan stared at his husband with love and adoration, his smile sinister as he held the man still. "Let loose, baby~"

With a delighted giggle, Joshua swung the bat up, his eyes large with pure insanity as he yelled, "BATTER UP, BITCH!" With all his strength, he cracked the bat against the male, causing him to let out a cry as a bone snapped within his arm. And again, Joshua swung back and cracked it against his other arm, another cry emitting from the male. "THIS IS FOR RUINING OUR WEDDING!"

Bringing the bat above his head, Joshua slammed the bat against the male's knee, repeating it to the other. "THIS IS FOR ATTEMPTING TO TAKE DOWN OUR GROUP!" Slightly hopping with excitement and burning rage coursing through his veins, he slammed the bat against the male's head. "THIS IS FOR TRYING TO KILL MY HUSBAND, MY FUCKING FAMILY!"

And finally, swinging the bat, Joshua slammed the bat between the male's legs, a choked sob and scream filling the air. "AND FOR RUINING OUR FUCKING HONEYMOON BY CAUSING US TO SEPARATE YOU MOTHER FUCKER!" And as Jeonghan backed away after slamming his hand against the male's head, sending him to the floor on his side, he watched as his heart raced in his chest at the most beautiful and alluring sight before him as Joshua continued to crack the bat against the male over and over again, savoring each and every scream before dropping the bat down with satisfaction.

Proud of his husband, loving the torment he was bringing and the insanity emitting from him, Jeonghan went around the sobbing and bloodied man, Jeonghan wrapped his arm around Joshua, pulling him close as the other let out a laugh, raising an eyebrow towards him with a smirk. "How did I-" Joshua didn't finish as Jeonghan kissed him, tightening his grip on the other's waist as Joshua wrapped his arms around his neck, kissing him passionately and roughly, biting the bottom of his lip before the other broke the kiss, humming in content. "You did beautiful~" But he whispered into Joshua's ear, causing the other to turn red before grabbing the collar of his shirt.

"Yah, Yoon Jeonghan! You can't say that when we haven't even finished this!"

"Just a heads up for later," Jeonghan winked, causing the other to roll his eyes, but the feelings were equally enhanced as they stood over the broken and crippled man. "Speaking of finishing the job, why not leave a little something as a wondrous final touch before the real grand finale?~" He smirked devilishly.

"And that is?~" Joshua watched curiously as his husband pulled out his butterfly knife, flicking it open and having it placed within his hands, letting out a delighted squeal.

"Let's leave our initials~ A permanent reminder of who gained their revenge,"

With a grin, Joshua nodded, pulling his husband with him as they squatted towards the slowly dying man in front of them. "Let's carve it together, Hannie!~"

"Sounds perfect~" Jeonghan purred, taking Joshua's hand in his, both digging the knife within the male's flesh and beginning to tear it, carving their initials as the man screamed and writhed in pain, blood spilling like a river.

"Y. J + Y. H. J. J"

"It's almost like cutting our wedding cake, except, we won't be eating this one~" Joshua chuckled darkly, being nuzzled by Jeonghan who nodded in agreement.

"And now, the grand finale, Joshuji~" Jeonghan grinned, his head twitching slightly, naturally hitting his own head in response. Joshua cooed softly, used to seeing his lover inflict pain to himself.

"It'll be a beautiful campfire!~" Grabbing the gasoline and twisting the cap off, Jeonghan poured it all over the room before spilling the rest of its contents on the male after Joshua brought him upright in the chair, sitting loosely. As Joshua opened the window, he pulled a flare gun, shooting it upward as it bursted in purple, watching as everyone began to evacuate the building.

"And now," Jeonghan began, taking out a match and lighting it, "This will be our way of letting the fire consume the damned here~" With Joshua wrapped in his arm, standing at his side, Jeonghan tilted his head towards the tormented male. "All of your death here will be a reminder of who we are and what we do. So, thank you for being the reminder that The Purple Rose will forever reign glorious!" And as Jeonghan threw the match, the room set ablaze, the fire rising as it consumed hungrily, beginning to burn into the male's skin as he screamed.

Jeonghan and Joshua only watched with amusement and twisted delight, both turning around and leaving the building as the fire followed, but never reached far enough to catch the two as they joined the rest outside, the large building beginning to glow. And as they stood far away, Jeonghan wrapped his arms around Joshua, the other nuzzling him.

"Bring the building down, boys!" Jeonghan roared, and at his command, an explosion erupted within, the building beginning to collapse inside as the fire continued to rage, finishing their beautiful work. The members roared in triumph, laughing and sneering as they cheered for their group and the newlywed, watching the scene.

"Time to go home!" Jeonghan announced. "Everyone here deserves a rest after such a wonderful accomplishment tonight!"

"But to where?" Joshua questioned.

"Somewhere safer, I promise you that,"

💕| @ghoulxbaekhyun [Seok's Love/Bacon] @seventeen-chatbot [Jun's Woowoo/Fiance] @arinschoi [Mingyu's pumpkin] @heartbrokenxinseong [Jihoon's Moonlight] @kjiwon [Minghao's Rainbow]

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[iamcinema]

IAC Reviews #19: Wishbone (2000)

Hey, is anyone still alive out there? I hope so.

Coming off of last year was a disaster, and well, we didn't enter 2021 on the highest of notes. I guess you could say I've been burned out and not having a ton of motivation to do a lot, even with how much I've been grinding on Letterboxd over the past few months. I think I'm ready to come back, and since there's a storm is brewing outside, let's make today a movie night...and boy, do I have a treat for you.

I think I've made it kind of apparent that I have a weakness for terrible, low-budget, trash fires. There's something oddly charming about them where they always find a way to lure me in, and given the scene on Letterboxd, there's a bunch of SOV masochists out there waiting to get their next fix. While digging around for material to cross off my lists on titles to find and add, I was reminded of a terrible, low-budget film that was shot in my hometown over 20 years ago. I'm full of fear for what's to come, and you should be too.

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Wishbone is a 2000 horror film directed by Timothy Gaer and co-created by Michael Fasciana, centering on a woman named Laurie who receives an unusual artifact from her eccentric aunt she acquired from a pawn dealer that causes those around her to disappear when they make wishes on it. Hmm, seems simple enough. Let's what we're in for, and I'm absolutely not ready because the IMDb page says this shit is over two hours long, despite a version on Youtube having it just a bit over 90 minutes. Let us pray.

Wishbone in One Gif:

This acting is might be the death of me, but I'm not sure what's going to be the catalyst that causes me to fall down the stairs and break my neck: the sound quality, the weird editing, or the music...oh, god what the fuck is the music doing? So much noise, noise noise!

Okay, so let's dig into this before I take too long of a break and I don't come back to this. I've already had to pause the movie a few times to catch my breath or just rewind and go back because there's a good amount that I keep missing because, apparently, the star of the film is the score and not Laurie. This is so, so slow. I've seen a lot of long horror movies, but at least with those, it feels like things are happening. Even Blood Lake had filler that did something to some degree, and with that, it was consistently bad. This movie doesn't even know what it wants to do. So, as a disclaimer, there's a good chance I'm probably missing some key details that I didn't hear because it seems that characterization isn't important if the music insists on talking over everyone.

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So, to date, this might be one of the worst horror movies (and movies in general) that I've ever seen and it might be one of the slowest things in the entire megaverse. This is over 90 minutes of, somehow, nothing and something happening simultaneously - if that makes any sense.

This takes its sweet ass time moving along and there's so little pay-off. The majority of the characters are either nameless or we aren't introduced to them in a way that matters enough for us to care about them. It's kind of like with Violent Shit and other low-budget slasher films where the majority of the characters serve no purpose but to be disposable. Next to the two main leads, Laurie and Joe, and maybe a few others, everyone is just forgettable and even then I couldn't honestly tell you anyone's name if it was explicitly brought up. IMDb isn't helpful either, and at this point it just makes me care even less. I'm not sure if my patience has been tested too much with this, but it's kind of sad that I'm more invested in seeing what the background characters are doing than Laurie and Joe - even though I can't really hear what the hell they're saying.

Yeah, I really can't move on without talking about the sound and the music. Why is it always the audio with these movies? This has an estimated budget of $100,000, or $154,779.43 today in August 2021. How do you have the ability to somehow not make this look like a potato for the most part, well for the day shots that is, but you don't have it in you to get a good mic and someone who knows how to mix and edit correctly? I would sort of understand if you spent the majority of the money on talent to cut corners, but this is just ridiculous. Did they use the cameras' built-in mics to catch the audio here?

I feel like I need to interrupt the movie constantly to tell them to speak up because if I turn up the volume, I'm just getting bombarded with this really weird soundtrack that doesn't fit. I shit you not, during one of the kill scenes, the music booming over it sounds like it was ripped from Kevin MacLeod's "lounge" library and then the reverse happens where ominous music is playing over a more touching scene - and that's not even a dig at Kevin as an artist. That's just how inappropriate and unfitting this editing is. The weird fucking thing about this specific kill scene is that it sounds like the audio is stacked, so there are two different instrumental tracks going on.

How do you fuck something as basic as tension up like that? The audio choices are so painfully inconsistent and it doesn't know what it wants to do. There are moments where you can hear the dialogue just fine, but then the music comes in out of nowhere to segway us into the next scene and it starts to muffle things out. If it isn't that, then the dialogue is just so soft that you'd think there was a pillow on the mic or we're hearing them from the opposite side of a sound-dampened room.

This is what I meant earlier when I said I apologize in advance if I miss anything crucial because I can't make out half of these conversations. So, I'm having to keep going back if I care enough or just having to pause and take breaks because there's only so much I can handle. This means that there's a good amount I'll blank on because I have to keep going back because I can't remember the majority of these no-named characters. Who the fuck are you people? Why am I supposed to care?

If I'm understanding the non-existent rules of the wishbone, you're connected to whoever dies in some way. So, why is any of this relevant to what's going on? If it's random, then it's another reason for me not to care just because some frat kids made a wish at some point. Again, who the hell are you and why am I supposed to lament over them? Why is there so much useless filler here? Did I mention that this is over 90 minutes long and there are *three* fucking party scenes? Party scenes are to Wishbone as ten-minute-long jetskiing and beer game scenes are to Blood Lake.

Oh, speaking of other shit that's annoying. Let's talk about general editing because the sound isn't the only thing that's a mess here.

I swear that almost every single scene in this ends with a fade-out/fade-in shot. Only one or two scenes come to mind where this doesn't happen, and the first time it did I thought my browser was freezing because it abruptly cut to black and then smash cuts to a party scene. I've never, ever seen a movie that abused this that much before and it's on par with something I would have seen made by a bunch of high school kids. So, when we have a moment where this doesn't happen and it plays out normally, it feels like a breath of fresh air. I'm sure this movie's run time could have been shaved down by at least a minute or two if this wasn't a problem, along with all the useless close-up shots that serve nothing to the plot.

It's such a waste of time. I'm so fucking tired. How was this movie's budget $100k? Did they spend most of it on renting the Scranton Police Department for a few shots or did it go towards their impromptu trip to Party City? I'm so tired and I don't care anymore.

Do you want to know what the real kicker is? With just barely twenty minutes left, the whole lore about the monkey's wishbone paw comes back and that's when Laurie and her friend Karen think something is weird. Isn't this whole realization trope that happens within the first or second act, not now with your Great Value brand version of the Dream Warriors?

Also, it's not specified how much time has gone by since the start, but it has to have been at least a week or two. It's incredibly weird how they paint the main characters and the unnamed background ones as such good friends that they don't think it's weird how almost all of them have disappeared - especially one girl who doesn't seem off-put that her boyfriend (or ex) disappeared after getting into an argument at one of the parties and none of his friends could reach him either at his own house.

The final showdown is an utter pain in the ass to get through because the conflict ends as abruptly as it starts and it's so unsatisfying. We get to see the face of our villain, I guess, and then more or less cut to our leads holding hands down the street set to the same looping lounge music we've been dealing with for over 90 damn minutes. Is everyone else who went with them dead? Did they live? Who cares! That's one thing the movie and I can agree on since we never see them again. We end on a shitty cliffhanger that's supposed to prepare us for a sequel, which thankfully never happened.

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And that was Wishbone. Holy fucking shit, I've never been so thankful for a movie to be over in my life. It's 11:07 PM as of tinkering with some minor revisions and I've been in purgatory with this for over five hours, and yet, it feels like an entire lifetime has gone by.

I've raved about how bad Blood Lake was with its incredibly bad pacing, but this is next level awful and a testament to bad filmmaking if I've ever seen it. I expect a lot of the things I complained about from super amateur filmmakers who are shooting on an actual shoestring budget, not people who had that much money to fuck around with. How did they have that kind of a budget, and the most they can give us is bad audio, Windows Movie Maker levels of basic editing, three wrap parties, and a few crumbs of gore that we could see?

This was physically painful to see and I'm in much worse shape having endured it than I would have been if I sat through something liked Boardinghouse, and that has a two-and-a-half-hour-long version tied to it. This is just a marvel and I mean that in a so-bad-it's-bad way, not like how SOV enthusiasts who love this stuff pine over. If I had to give one thing going for it, one single granule of gold that I enjoyed from this, it's the limited shots we get of the area so I could make a game out of seeing what local spots I recognized. If playing I Spy is the only way for someone to endure your movie, then I don't know what else to say.

Wishbone is a hot mess where shit's happening, but also nothing is happening at the same time. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. In fact, I wish this movie never existed or would die in the ether and never return to our mortal realm ever again. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go have a smoke and hope I don't get run over by a hearse tomorrow.

RATING: 0.5/10