#the inner mechanics of ultimate despair are FASCINATING to me

[aparticularbandit]

you know. sometimes when you're writing a thing you don't intend for something to be a big part of your character lore and then it just ends up being that way.

i may not keep all of junko's backstory the same from one fic to the next, but i might be keeping all the rocky horror stuff.

i mean.

junko enoshima and her cast of horrors.

[syncogon]

Cen Hai. Definitely one of the characters that made the biggest impacts on me, even when watching this way back when. Former racecar driver, lost his leg in an accident, now a car mechanic just getting by, meets Wei Tianlong & co. by almost running them over, becomes friends, helps Wei Tianlong with mini 4wd dev because it’s all mechanical engineering anyway right. Then X finds out about him and recruits him, his shop burns down, and thus our good friend A-Hai sells out to Bat Team and proceeds to be a Huge Asshole for the next n episodes until Nationals. Miraculously Wei Tianlong actually forgives him afterward. But in any case, Cen Hai was always a fascinating, and somewhat despairing / stressful, character to watch.  

I spoke to a gfs fic writer, and I really enjoyed the meta she provided about him. 

Even though I don’t really agree with some of A-Hai’s behavior, I still very much like this character’s story. I interpret his character to revolve around two key points: one, he’s eager to outshine others, and two, he feels inferior to others. These are two conflicting personality traits. If, for example, a person felt both inferior and cowardly, then after experiencing failure, they would very quickly and very easily admit their own weakness. But A-Hai is different. He has very strong ability, he craves victory fiercely, and it is very difficult for him to accept his own failure. After losing a leg he became a mechanic and suffered the condescension of many, and his poverty would also spawn his feelings of helplessness and inferiority. But his thirst for victory was never extinguished. And so although he might say words like “the spirit of the competition is the most important,” as soon as he’s given the opportunity, he will still drop everything to chase that victory. The more he was looked down upon, the more desperate he was to stand out – perhaps it was a sort of “revenge psychology.”

I think that going to Bat Team was the correct choice for A-Hai, because the Wei family could not give him money and the confidence of victory. A-Fei bringing A-Hai away was an action taken from many considerations – forcing A-Long to become more independent, helping A-Hai financially, etc. The only thing I don’t agree with is the verbal harm he caused A-Long after changing allegiances. But I don’t believe this was because his sense of morality became blurred, nor was it the case that he was an evil and cruel person by nature. Rather, it was because of inner conflict. He was faced with a difficult choice, and he ultimately chose to give up on his friends in order to pursue dignity (to him, money, victory, and status all meant dignity). One scene that left a deep impression on me was when A-Hai declared war upon A-Long at Tiger 4WD Shop. At the time, his expression as he faced A-Long was one of guilt and compassion. But he would refuse to admit that his choice was wrong, and so he purposely used harsh language to try and bolster his own faith, brainwashing himself into thinking “I made the right choice.” Deep in his heart, he was aware that his actions constituted a form of betrayal, but at the same time, he was more convinced that he could not be blamed for his actions in his pursuit of dignity.

A-Hai is a very lucky person, that he met such a kind and forgiving friend as A-Long. Most people would not treat his betrayal so generously. I might not give A-Hai as much sympathy as I would to Han Feng, but I can understand his actions.

He’s a very interesting, complicated character.

// im like not emotionally ready to read about cen hai’s whole thing in this whole au fic i’ve been reading through. that link might have to remain a saved tab for now... 

// i don’t want to bother this writer too much but dang i hope she writes more. i kind of want to ask her for more meta hehe im just like soaking it up... i feel like i have disappointed idt i have anything insightful that i can add in chinese... but regardless im having a good time here