#the main guy here is creepy af. like stop standing so close and being all touchy-feely when you're not correcting someone's posture??

[yasutheculprit]

ohhh sometimes i hate archery

[shimmershae]

My thoughts on Episode 6--On the Inside

Very appropriate title by the way.  Works in a multitude of ways.  

As always, my randomness is going beneath a cut again to spare the eyeballs of those of you that don’t want to see it at all and also?  Help those of you that have somehow stayed spoiler-free in this brand-new age of early release episodes.  It is still so wild to me that I’m a full episode ahead of half the fandom.  I don’t know what I’m going to do when we get to the final episode and they decide to make us all suffer together--because somehow I do feel they will do exactly that after spoiling us for the first 23 episodes.  It is going to be agonizing.  

Anyway.  Without further ado, Shae’s stream of consciousness review (of sorts).  

Not fair, Angela.  Opening the episode with that shot of that big ass spider.  I hate those suckers.  So naturally, they’re an easy sell for setting the horror scene to me, lol.  

Okay.  Who the hell’s chasing Virgil and Connie?  Walker No-See-Ums?

Barely a minute in and the atmosphere for this episode is moody AF.  

What is this?  Tara Jr. The Walking Dead?  LOL.  Where’s the Scarlett for this mini plantation house?  Anyway.  First three minutes of this episode?  Just as attention grabbing as the first five episode openings this season.  I don’t think people out there are giving our writers enough love for that.  Every episode so far has opened like a mini movie.  

With the way the Walking Dead logo keeps crumbling away with each successive episode, somehow it wouldn’t surprise me at all if the Carol and Daryl spinoff was eventually titled The Living and had flowers growing out of each letter, lol.  I mean, there would be a certain sort of life-affirming symmetry in a show that’s been promised to be much lighter in tone doing just that.  

More Carol and Aaron?  Yes, please.  I don’t necessarily like Carol staying at home and sitting the sidelines like a figurative happy little homemaker in the B story while the rest of the mains are trying like hell to sell the A story, but if she’s going to be totally prohibited from the main storyline until it’s time to blow shit up?  I’m going to continue enjoy getting to see her do what she should have been doing for seasons--interacting with others in the community, especially Aaron and the ladies.  

Truly.  I really am loving my girl getting some quality Aaron and Rosita time.  It’s so long overdue.  

Bless sweet Kelly.  Riding off to her sister’s rescue.  

Why isn’t Lydia shown as part of these plans?  For someone that could barely read last season, I doubt that big ass map was a piece of cake for her and it’s all just guesswork anyway without her guidance.  I mean, why does it feel like they are cutting some of this stuff that might not seem like much plot-wise but would go a long way toward establishing different character beats?  Personally, I would have loved to see her involved in the search and sharing scenes again with Carol and bonding with Kelly. 

Virgil be having that “I always feel like somebody’s watching me” feeling.  Don’t you hate that, lol?  

“You haven’t slept in days.”  But how many days, Virgil?  I’m going to need a number because I’m confused AF about this timeline at this point.  What we’re seeing and what different pieces of dialogue is telling us is not exactly lining up.  I’m going to find it awful hilarious if it hasn’t even been two weeks since the cave in.  For reasons.  

Connie’s spidey senses are clearly tingling.  

Alrighty, then.  She’s clearly got PTSD.  Understandable.  They’ve all had it.  Some have been treated more sympathetically than others, though.  

I mean, it never seems to cross anybody’s mind how Carol probably sees Henry’s head on that pike, Mika’s pale and bloody body, Lizzie crumpled face down in a bed of yellow flowers, Sophia with a smoking bullet hole through her undead head whenever she closes her eyes but whatever.  

Okay though.  But what if Connie had really shitty, impossible to read handwriting?  AKA doctor’s  handwriting.  What then?  

Leah’s face honestly twists my insides whenever I see it, lol.  It’s quiet a visceral thing.  No, that does not make me a horrible person.  Not everybody wants or has to drink the awesome, great, redeemable villainess Kool-Aid.  IMHO, she’s got a face meant for a Walker.  Perfect makeover idea.  Eh.  Mostly it’s her expression and the deadness of her eyes.  

Anyway.  Why is it always the fingers?  Eff that.  

Listen.  If ya’ll can’t tell Daryl’s conflicted AF with the situation he’s landed in, you don’t know how to read NR’s face and eyes.  He’s not a masterclass like MMB but he’s pretty darn good when he wants to be.  

I honestly feel sorry for Redshirt Frost.  

“You do what you gotta do.”  Frost knows what’s what and he’s willing to walk the walk for Maggie.  Impressive loyalty.  I’m left wondering how the current, colder incarnation of Maggie inspired it because I’m still struggling to see it.  Anywho.  My point is the dude knows the score and just gave Daryl the okay.  

Daryl taking off his angel vest before stepping into the role of torturer/interrogator=him shedding the persona/the man Judith and RJ and Lydia and Carol know him to be.  Pushing away his man of honor status so he can just survive somehow.  

Pope never quits chewing whatever the hell he’s got in his mouth.  It’s kind of distracting.  

Ohhh.  We’re back to the Haunted Mansion.  I mean house.  Where are the Hitchhiking Ghosts?  

All the eyes scratched out of those creepy pictures=spooky.  

The good old fogged up bathroom mirror shot.  Somebody’s been watching and studying their horror movies, lol.  Not gonna lie though.  I’m legit bracing myself for the jump scares I know have to be coming.  

I’m loving the music/score in these scenes.  

Truthfully, I could care less about these Reapers.  But they are hella attractive, lol.  Listen.  Angela knows what she’s doing.  

Kelly’s horse is so pretty.  Prayer chain for that baby.  

More dead horses?  Why?  

Connie’s slingshot?  Sorry.  I maintain, no matter how much I like these two, that they have the lamest weapons ever.  Endless supply of Virginia rocks or not.  

So.  Did Virgil and Connie enjoy a little equine for dinner?  Did they kill it before the Walkers fed?  What monsters!  Yeah, no.  Not if they were starving even if I personally could not have.  The more probable story is they fled the camp in a panic and left the horse behind and then it went down.  Sorry.  I didn’t exactly study the wounds on the poor animal because it is so traumatizing to me to continue to see them meet such dastardly ends on this show.  I don’t know who the hell has such a score to settle with horses but stop it.  

Days.  It’s only been days.  Not weeks.  So many times with all that Daryl and Company have had to contend with since the cave in?  Those do not exist, lol.  They’re just a convenient, appeasing piece of dialogue thrown at a fanbase primed and ready to read everything into not much of anything.  There’s just not been enough time for it to happen unless Daryl has literally been up 24/7 for all of them.  You know, strategizing how to attack the remainders of Alpha’s horde, figuring out how to defend Hilltop before it fell, healing from the wound he sustained at Alpha’s hand, sitting on that log all damn night with Negan waiting on Carol to come home, having a lover’s quarrel with his best damn everything, taking care of the Grimes babies and Lydia, being the reluctant leader.  Kang, why you playing them like that?  Daryl’s a super guy but he’s not a superhuman with clones.  So many times my ass.  

Seriously.  Who been watching Connie and Virgil?  The MIA Oceansiders?  Beta’s Fee Fi Fo Fum Ghost?  

Nice.  A Michonne mention.  Maybe the truth will start to trickle out.  

LMAO at Connie’s “I’m not staying here.”  Me neither, girl.  I would be outta that house so fast.  

They really “Quiet Placing” this episode.  Honestly?  I’m kinda loving it.  

WTF was that?  I know she can’t hear but you telling me all the little hairs on her arms, legs, and neck didn’t stand the fuck up and say fuck this shit, I’m gone?  Pardon my language, lovelies, but that moment had my heart kicking up several beats.  

Okay, okay.  To be fair to Connie, every hair on her body been doing that since the front door closed.  Maybe they’re desensitized.  

Gollum’s chasing Connie!!!  He/She wants their Precious!!!

The knee jerk reactions about this episode sight unseen are OTT, honestly.  And I mean no disrespect by saying that.  I can understand completely where they’re coming from because we’ve been burned so long in this fandom.  But it’s obvious the spoiler source has their particular biases and reads into things in such a way that don’t line up with what’s actually being shown onscreen.  Daryl’s loyalty in this episode and all along quite clearly lies with his family and his community.  He’s been playing Leah since the start and is truly just trying to survive somehow.  

Awful thought.  The Reaper that’s so suspish of Daryl--haven’t quite caught his name or really cared to.  I feel like he might try to get to Daryl somehow.  When he realizes that Daryl cares no more for Leah than any human would care for somebody (they thought) they used to know?  He’s going after Dog.  Or Carol should she finally join this story. 

I refuse to believe Carol isn’t going to be a part of this story.  Because they messing with her mans, lol.  

“You’re ever with us or you’re not.”  Now where have I heard those words before?  I wish I could find that Daryl gif because that had to be one of the funniest things ever, lol.  

Unrealistic suggestion to Daryl, Leah?  Breathing oxygen seems to piss off Carver.  Oh look.  He finally has a name for me, lol.  

I love how all three of the ladies--Carol, Magna, and Rosita--look at Kelly with such indulgent, adoring “little sis, you alright?” eyes.  

They are seriously the most beautiful quartet of characters.  I mean all of them are lovely but Carol and Rosita this season?  Ugh.  The unfairness of the pretty.  

Human bones.  Terminus callback, lovelies.  How it all would have eventually gone down if Gareth and Co. hadn’t met the business end of Rick’s red machete.  

So many horror movie homages in this one.  

Virgil’s like “let’s leave this Texas Chainsaw Massacre behind.”  

Connie and Virgil have obviously bonded, ya’ll.  I’m surprised by how much I’m enjoying their scenes together when the character mostly got on my nerves with Michonne.  He’s a good actor and the core of his character is sympathetic, but I’m not going to lie.  I wasn’t super enthused when he was the one that rescued Connie because I didn’t know how their scenes would play out. But there’s a nice synergy there.  

Okay.  Does Carver want Leah for himself?  Because I’m sure Daryl at this point would love to scream “take her, I know where I fucking belong!”  

Daryl’s digging in deep because Carver has shown him Leah’s potential weak spot.  Nuance is truly lost on some people, LMAO.  He cares about Leah as a human being probably.  He’s Daryl, after all.  The sweet one.  But he sees her as his way outta this and he’s going to exploit it.  

It’s nice to have a silent Negan for once, lol.  I can pretend he didn’t take my baby Glenn away from me and enjoy JDM’s pretty.  

So.  These cannibal people were the watchers?  Hmm.  

I’m really digging Virgil 2.0.  Yeah.  Nobody’s surprised more than me.  

Sweet, sweet scene between Virgil and Connie.  His determination to reunite her with her family brings back the sympathy I felt for him when he told Michonne “I promised her flowers.  Every day.”  

Damn.  How many of those creepy crawly cannibals are there?  

How brave of Connie to confront her fears to save someone she’s obviously grown to care about.  

The Kelly/Connie reunion gave me chills and made me cry.  Thank fuck Angela didn’t cheapen that moment by having it focus on literally anybody else.  Kelly is the most important person in the whole world to Connie and vice versa.  Just like Carol is the most important person in the whole world to Daryl and vice versa.  Angela fucking knows.  Everybody does.  Except the people busy building castles out of sand while the waves of Carol’s and Daryl’s converging stories keep crashing closer and closer to shore.  

Such a beautiful moment given to us by Angel Theory and Lauren Ridloff.  So authentic and sweet.  Kelly and Connie are home to each other.  

Poor Frost.  That’s all I gotta say about that.  

WTF, though.  Was Mel just not available or what?  I want to see more of the ASZ characters that I care about, not the Reapers.  Like I’d be fine with the story if all the characters not named Maggie, Negan, or Daryl weren’t surviving on crumbs during it.  Especially the 2nd billed actress on the entire show.  Angela.  Please.  Fix this.  

One last WTF.  Seriously.  WTF has Maggie done to inspire Pope’s obsession?  It better be juicy after all this shit.  

Overall impression of the episode--

One of my favorites of the season so far.  The horror aspects were fantastic, IMHO. I truly didn’t expect to like Connie and Virgil’s scenes as much together so that was a nice surprise.  She got the reunion that felt most true and earned for the character and her story and I thank Angela from the bottom of my heart for that.  

I would have loved more Carol but I always want more Carol.  I’m okay with her taking a backseat because ultimately?  This was Kelly’s moment with her sister.  Carol and Connie will eventually have their time to sit down and talk.  And pick back up their blossoming friendship because I truly do not feel Connie blames Carol at all.  

I do wish Lydia had been included with the girl group.  Last episode felt like it was leading up to that.  

The Reaper storyline continues to be the weakest link because every time we see them the dialogue and interactions feel totally recycled from the time previous.  I feel like it would have totally been helped by a tighter focus and less stretching out because 8 episodes of this is really diluting what I feel like Angela and Co. are going for.  I’m not here for Leah being redeemed or being a bigger focus in any of the episodes because she does nothing of interest for me.  I’m just peeking in on that story for the Daryl of it all.  

Speaking of the Daryl? You lovelies out there gotta stop taking that spoiler source’s recaps at face value because it’s obvious to me at least that there’ some bias at work.  Every action and word coming from Daryl is coming from a place of loyalty to his family and wanting to protect them, no matter how he has to dirty his hands.  Leah is just a means to his ultimate end.  She’s not his future.  She never was.  His future’s already spoken for and 2023 can’t get  here soon enough.  But like Daryl, we have to just survive somehow.  

Oh goodie.  More Maggie and Negan next episode and looks like no real follow up on Connie and the ASZ reunions.  Hopefully, this is yet another instance of the previews being deceiving but I’m not holding my breath.  

Until later, lovelies.  

Hope my word vomit didn’t bore you too much.  

[theonceoverthinker]

OUAT 3X02 - Lost Girl

One question before we start: If you’re in the mood for fast food in Neverland, where do you go?

…

The PAN-da Express, of course!!!

It’s okay! You can laugh!

Thank you, Pan!

Anyway, my review, as always, is under the cut!

Press Release

While Emma, Mary Margaret, David, Regina and Hook continue their search for Henry in Neverland, Peter Pan appears before a startled Emma and offers her a map that will reveal her son’s whereabouts. But the only way to make the map appear is for Emma to stop denying who she really is and come to grips with her true feelings about her identity - and Mr. Gold receives some unexpected advice from a friend that could lead him to understand his life’s journey while in Neverland. Meanwhile, in the Fairy Tale Land that was, when the Evil Queen presents Snow White with an offer to live her life with Charming in peace - with the caveat that she give up her claim to the throne - Charming makes it his mission to ensure that Snow doesn’t take the offer.

General Thoughts - Characters/Stories/Themes and Their Effectiveness

Past

Is it just me, or does this plan of Regina’s feel REALLY out of character (And keep in mind that that is a phrase I do NOT use loosely)? Regina’s never wanted Snow to live and even if she takes the throne, Snow will still be left with her closest loved ones and as Snow later says, they’ll live a happy beautiful life, so her “take everything that was supposed to be yours” schtick kind of falls flat. That said, the spirit of what she’s going for does work due to the severity of taking over the land and Snow and David’s reaction to it.

But that aspect aside, there’s a solid story here. Snow’s conflict is understandable, as is David’s as is Grumpy’s. It’s a simple story, but it was done effectively to run parallel with the main story.

Present

I think it’s so interesting what’s done with Emma in this episode. Because she’s the Savior, Emma is put on this pedestal (Even by Pan -- sort of), one she’s now actively trying to embody for the first time. And she needs to look deep within and discover what that means in order to succeed and unlock the secrets of the map. Everyone believes she’s the Savior -- and she is -- but despite the emphasis being put on that, it’s only be relinquishing the mindset of a Savior that allows the map to show itself. And honestly, it’s done well! The positioning of the group -- and more importantly, Emma -- against the Lost Boys puts Emma and Snow in the perfect place for her revelation. Additionally, the connection she makes to them now comes back later when she appeals to them.

The secondary conflict presented throughout this segment is also great. From a character perspective, we get to see a much more reserved set of arguments between the group than last time, and everyone is painted with sympathy. Killian’s points are right, but it makes the fact that they have to wait so long to get Henry no less frustrating.

Finally, Rumple’s conflict interestingly enough reminds me of Snow’s from “The Miller’s Daughter.” If you recall, Snow was full on ready to try to kill Cora, but when faced with a real possibility of doing exactly that, that’s when she got afraid (Though was still able to do it). I almost wanted to fault Rumple’s story here because he’s been so adamant about saving Henry at his own expense and to falter in this episode felt strange, but in those terms, it really does work itself out. It fits well with Rumple’s character and allows for more of a story to take place as a result.

All Encompassing

Emma and Snow’s conflicts are resolved in the opposite way. For Snow, she has to straight up step up into leadership through her boost of confidence. For Emma, she has to step away from her role as the Savior and embrace being an orphan (A lessening of her confidence) to unlock the map.

“Who you are.” It’s important that Snow was the one to get through to Emma here. Otherwise, a flashback that would was essential for establishing the link between these two women that served as the heart of the episode would have been borderline needless (or at the very least, misplaced).

Insights - Stream of Consciousness

-Rumple’s got one hell of a smoulder! Flynn Rider, eat your heart out!

-WHY WOULD YOU BRING YOUR DAGGER TO NEVERLAND? RUMPLE, YOU ARE SUCH AN EXTRA DRAMA QUEEN! I mean, don’t stop or anything. I kind of love you for it.

-I really like the handling of magic in this arc. They’re cleverly tackling why they just can’t poof their way through this mission.

-David, Killian gave you a minute-long explanation about why that wouldn’t work. Let go of your fucking machismo for a few seconds!

-”It is NEVER too late.” Now Snow, only a Sith deals in absolutes!

-Guys, I LOVE Snow and Charming’s iconic moment, but the Law of Diminishing Returns exists for a reason. This is the third time we see this moment, and there are at least two more to come!

-I actually really like how no one in the town is willing to fight with Snow at first. It’s not just a matter of Snow needing to learn to be more of a leader or them being cowardly, but they’ve never fought before and they’re going against what they may believe is either the first or second most powerful magic wielder in all the realms. It makes this for a very meaty story.

-I LOVE how the crying that awakens and draws Emma deeper into the jungle plays into the theme of Emma growing into motherhood.

-”You’ve got fire. I like fire.” I remember hearing people used to ship Emma and Pan and...no. Just no.

-”Sadly, I agree with the pirate.” YESS! Captain Charming!!!

-I LOVE protective big brother Grumpy! See, when people infantize or otherwise try to downplay Grumpy’s role in the royal family or where he stands (*cough* “A Wondrous Place” *cough*), I think to this scene. Grumpy is more than just Snow’s friend. He became family. I’m thoroughly convinced that he would’ve been Emma’s godfather had the curse never been cast because he and Snow were just that close.

-David, there’s a difference between overcoming a memory spell and boosting someone’s confidence on its own.

-Rumple, you beautiful drama queen, you give new definition to “the clothes make the man.”

-You know, I forget, but Sheep Bros was a very real thing in the EF too!

-I love the...PAN around the group as Emma tackles the map!

-Aww, Snow and David look so happy when Emma calls herself their daughter!

-Whoever was doing the score for the red herring with the map must’ve been having a fucking ball. Listen to how the music swells! XD

-”For once, I agree with the Prince.” MORE CAPTAIN CHARMING! YASSS!

-David! Drop the machismo!

- “Just as you charmed me. Eventually.” Snow, who are you fooling?! You lasted a DAY before you were smitten!

-Ooh! I forgot we got our first mention of Merlin here!

-Is Camelot really qualify as a realm? Seems like one can just get there on foot based on Season 5, whereas usually, to go between realms, you need magic (Ex. The Cyclone to Oz, the silver slippers, the Dark Curse) to go through the barriers.

-I wonder how much A&E knew about the future of OUAT when they first brought up Excalibur here. Was Camelot in their sights?

-Isham must’ve had a fucking BALL with composing the music for these red herrings!

-Two things. (1) Pan dressed in Henry’s clothes is creepy AF! (2) Do you think this was foreshadowing Pan and Henry changing bodies?

-One of the looming questions in this fandom is “What did Killian do to Rufio?” Some people think killing Rufio was the price of being free of Neverland, but based on how Killian talks, I’m not convinced. He says “It’ll be a worse fate for you” and then just keeps on fighting him. To me, it always seemed like to get off of Neverland for good, Killian had to do something worse than usual, something he borderline regretted. But that’s not the Killian that says that line and mentions Rufio so flippantly. Thoughts?

-I’m kind of miffed that we never saw Pan “caw.” That’s his thing! Why didn’t he caw?!

-Another show of just how much Snow cares about Grumpy. Of everyone there, David included, Regina chokeholds Snow’s brother figure! That’s amazing!

-Rumple screaming “WHAT DO YOU WANT?” after being summoned cracks me the fuck up!

-I love the flutter-y way Rumple dissolves “Excalibur!”

-Rumple! That was so fucking rude!

-Snow! Don’t kill David’s bro down!

-Am I the only one getting Talking Tina vibes from the Peter Pan doll?

-”You haven’t forgiven your parents for abandoning you.” This wasn’t brought up all that much afterwards, was it, nor the conflict that Pan brings up about Henry not forgiving her?

-See, David? THAT’S what machismo gets you!

Arcs - How Are These Storylines Progressing?

The Mission to Save Henry - We really get to see everyone working together more and find out the intricacies of just how they’re going to save Henry. It feels like a very logical step from the last episode.

Emma Accepting Her Parents - Now THIS is the start I wanted! While Emma defaults to calling MM “Mom” in the Season 2 finale, once things become real and the ground is sturdy again, her fears return, and I know for a fact that we see this come fact in the finale (It’s also interesting how a similar element of Emma’s personality in this regard shows up just a couple of seasons later). Additionally, while I don’t think it connects to what we saw in the previous episode, we see more of what’s holding Emma back from making more of a connection to her parents.

Rumple’s Redemption - “Did the protection spell work?” That’s legitimately the first time that Rumple’s show such strong care for the town at large. Also, I love the foreshadowing at work for Rumple’s self-preservation habit to rear its head again.

Killian’s Redemption - We really get to see more of the payoff of Killian’s redemption here. He’s a complete asset to the team with his knowledge of Neverland and Pan, a source of support for Emma, is helping David despite David’s (understandable) rudeness, and is risking his life.

Regina’s Redemption - Here, we see Regina able to take another step further in her redemption. She’s frustrated about her current situation -- forced to trust her enemies and not use magic in the way she’d want -- and it’s understandably so. But the work she puts into going along with the group is honestly admirable and her breaking point feels natural and well placed.

Favorite Dynamic

Pan and Emma. I think Pan and Emma’s interactions speak so much of Pan as a character. Why would he give Emma a map to Henry? Because he’s a cocky son of a bitch and he likes fucking with people. He does whatever he can to make this game of his all the more fun. Can he manipulate Henry before the group gets to him? He’s pretty sure he’ll win, but damnit if he wants to find out. And even by giving Emma the map, a nice chunk of her confidence is taken away in the process. Because of this episode, we see our main hero and main villain of the arc confront each other and get to eyeball their strengths and weaknesses, making something truly compelling.

Writer

For the first time, Andrew Chambliss is not writing with Ian Goldberg, and while I’m sad for that, I’m happy to say that his new team up with Kalinda Vazquez was simply superb! There’s a strong thematic resonance between the different segments and the smaller scale of the story works to its benefit. Everything is simple in the broad strokes, but given nuance within them and that’s what makes the story as a whole so effective. The dialogue is also very good here. It feels incredibly natural and real, as all of the best episodes do.

Rating

Golden Apple (If you’re new here, that’s a 10/10 with an * for superb quality). This is one of the best setup episodes. We get to see the extent of Neverland’s dangers and Pan’s influence, but also our heroes strengths and weaknesses as they combat them. Their teamwork on the island debuts, giving us a scale of their potential, but also their starting point so that the later moments where we can see how far they’ve come can be all the more appreciated. But more so than that, it’s a great story. Emma gets a meaningful look into who she is and the failings she is now forced to deal with and overcome. There’s a great thematic resonance between her story and Snow’s story, building to an emotional revelation. Rumple is also given some exemplary character work! It’s just a great episode!

Flip My Ship - The Home of All Things “Shippy Goodness”

Captain Swan - Watching Emma and Killian flirting has me grinning like an idiot! The flirting itself feels natural and charming! Also, HOLY SHIT! Right after Emma says she’s the product of True Love, the camera shoots to Killian! AND when all is said and done, Emma and Killian are together, sipping their rum and getting just that bit closer together!

Snowing - Snowing is soooo adorable cuddling as they sleep! I’m thoroughly convince Josh Dallas walks on this Earth for the sole purpose of cuddling and looking good while doing it! <3 Also, in the past, I love how the arrow only lands when they work together!

Rumbelle - I almost hesitate putting them here because this Belle is an imposter, but I’ll be damned if it isn’t a good one! Seeing Rumple and Belle hold hands as their theme plays is just cute as fuck! Also, just like the real Belle, fake Belle gives great advice too!

-----

So far, so good!!! Loving Season 3 so far! How about you? Also, let me know what you think of the new theme I’m using and the formatting of these reviews! I’m trying something new and I want to know if I’m doing them right!

Thank you for reading and to the fine folks at @watchingfairytales for giving me a chance to write these reviews! Next time, we meet someone who’s by no means common! (Tink, tink, nudge, nudge, say no more!)

See you guys then!

Season 3 Total (19/220)

Writer’s Scores: Adam and Eddy (9/60) Kalinda Vazquez (10/40) Andrew Chambliss (10/50)

Operation Rewatch Archives

[kevinjamesisagiantpeach]

The Zookeeper- Ryan & Susie in Conversation

Susie: So Ryan, what do you remember about the Zookeeper two weeks later? What immediately jumps out to you about it?

Ryan: “Show her your puddin’ cup!” jumps out at me.

S: How did I forget about that part? I was thinking about the sad gorilla cake. My number one thing about that movie was that heinous gorilla costume. It was on my top five list of topics “bad gorilla costume” and Kevin James just sitting in the gorilla pen talking to the gorilla. Am I remembering wrong or was that half of the movie?

R: There was a lot of time spent in the gorilla pen. I feel like we have hit both extremes of animal movies. We hit the animal movie where they were making the animals do too many things that ended up being too much and too creepy, like dancing and singing and CGI wiggling… stuff...

S: Wearing pants

R: Yes! Wearing pants and stuff. So, we hit that extreme and then in The Zookeeper, we sort of hit the extreme where animals were just acting like boring people. 

S: Like standing around A LOT, like a ton of animal loitering. The zoo would close, the animals would loiter. They’d confer about Kevin James, decide to take action but their action was to circle around Kevin James.

R: Yeah. You know what is funny? There were no animal-related hijinx, other than the gorilla going to TGI Friday’s which is also really boring. 

S: It’s truly boring but when I tell you there are so many clips of it on Youtube. People love that scene where he is the van listening to the Apple Bottom Jeans song with the gorilla. I was searching…I have to say there are parts of The Zookeeper that I like. I have to say that Rosario Dawson was a champ throughout this film. I don’t feel like we have seen, to date, sort of Kevin James love interest that has been as game as she has for the ridiculous hijinks and pratfalls. She made the most sense so far.

R: Yeah. She was good, actually, and I think because they worked together and sort of had a friendship through work, when they got together, you weren’t like, “Oh, how did that happen?” 

S: Like Paul Blart and the hair extensions woman.

R: Yeah. No. That was weird. That was not appropriate. 

S: So forced and then Salma Hayek who seemed to genuinely hate his character in Here Comes the Boom. Or not even hate but sort of..but yea, revile. She definitely wasn’t a fan.

R: Definitely not respect. I do not know why she ended up jumping on that train, but I have a feeling it was nothing to do with his personality. 

S: It was because he saved just the music teacher’s job. At the end of the movie, the shocking part is… not to talk about Here Comes the Boom again, but I could, forever… it’s not saving the school’s budget, it’s just saving a teacher. In the same way, that in the Zookeeper he stops selling cars to save the gorilla? Is that right? The gorilla, there’s nothing even happening with the gorilla? That was sort of a red herring?The one guy bullied the gorilla but nothing ever came of it?

R: Well, the one guy bullied the gorilla, which I feel like could have been solved by reporting that guy to their boss. 

S: Instead of just kicking him

R: Yeah, he just sort of killed that guy, I guess. I don’t know. 

S: He got murdered

R: Yeah, that guy got murdered. But [Griffon] knew about it before then. I feel like if [Griffon said something along the lines of, “I suspect [Shane] is abusing the gorilla. I think we should put a camera in there.” That probably would have solved that problem. I feel like he never went to Step A before he went to killing that guy. 

S: And also, it’s like the zoo wanted to punish the gorilla, when again, it’s an animal, it’s a wild animal, not even a domesticated animal. So they were like… he kinda,  I don’t even think he bit the guy, so he doesn’t get a nice cage anymore, we put him in  a shitty cage. This is not a moral thing that the zoo is doing. So that is my other question, why is no one ever at the zoo? Did they spend all the money on wedding extras and TGIFridays extras. But that zoo feels closed all of the time. No one is there but the employees and that’s why the animals loiter so much.

R: That’s true. There is definitely a financial crisis happening with that zoo. 

S: And we never figured out what city it was in, we conjectured San Francisco

R:  Didn’t we eventually think they were in Boston? 

S: Oh yea, we Googled it

R: We eventually find out it’s in Boston, and that is also the final song of the movie is [by the band] Boston. 

S: I think it’s so weird to have a movie set in Boston and then not have anything Boston related at all. They could have been anywhere. They might have been anywhere. Probably filmed in Quebec.

R:  I do wonder if people from Boston would recognize that zoo somehow, if it’s iconic enough that if you actually had been to the zoo in Boston, you would be like, “Oh, I know exactly where that is.” 

S: I don’t even feel like we even see that much of it The pudding cup scene that you mentioned where he pisses all over the place. I feel like we’re in the pen a lot, the aforementioned gorilla pen we’re in all the time, we see the eagles, we see Rosario Dawson’s lab but I would be hard pressed to tell you more of that zzo. I can’t even placed in the geography of the zoo where the engagement party was.

R:  It also seemed like that zoo was just one very small area. It felt like everything was very clos to everything else

S: Basically the animals were stacked somehow.

R:  This was a strange movie. I feel like we were supposed to think that Paul Blart was very committed and saving the animals-- 

S: Paul Blart? I love that this is basically Paul Blart, reconfigured, reconstituted

R:  What is his name in the movie, again? It begins with a “G.” He’s got a strange name. 

S: Gordon? I don’t remember

R: No, it’s not Gordon. I’ll look it up. I think it is definitely worth knowing his name because it is so odd. 

S: I feel like I can never hold on to the names of Kevin James’s characters because it’s always shades of Kevin James. I’ve started talking about Kevin James in casual conversation at this point. Where I say things like “I think Kevin James is really happy with his life.” And different aspects of his acting.

R:  I feel like he does have his shit together. *frantically typing and having computer trouble*

S: In the bloopers in the credits where he just, I guess it was in between takes, he just turns to the camera and says all of America hates me right now. I think its funny to think about, Adam Sandler is so mad that people don’t like his movies. Kevin James knows and doesn’t give a fuck. And it reminds me of when Tyler Perry was on Black AF and he’s talking about how people hate his movies and he’s like guess what, I sell a lot of tickets and I’m making movies that are true to my heart. If people don’t like that then fuck that because this is what I’m doing. And that’s why they’re all over the place because Kevin James is a complicated man.

R: Well, I think, like Tyler Perry-- I am actually glad you brought up his name because now I am enjoying this connection-- I feel like you can either relate to it or you can’t. If you can relate to Tyler Perry’s movies, then they’re funny. You’re like, “Yes. I get that. I enjoy this. This feels real to me.” I feel like Kevin James is a little bit like that, too. It’s easy to watch it and go, “Who would ever watch this?” But then when you actually think about  it, it’s like-- no-- this is probably funny if you find something relatable in this situation. 

R: I guess the running joke is that Kevin James is a squat, fat guy who is extremely dorky and awkward and falls in love with every woman he meets and in every movie, he is doomed to be that person, and if that is what you feel like in your life, it is probably funny to watch it. 

S: He’s a millionaire so it’s the total bright side of that. Sure he might be all these things but he’s married to a beautiful woman and has this family and life that seems pretty fulfilling and what we have learned from his shorts is he is a legitimately good actor. He could just be a good actor which I could not get over. Why don’t we see more of this? Why doesn’t this show up in his movies? Is it because the writing is so bizarre?

R: I think the writing is one of the main culprits. We watch these movies and hit those points when Kevin James is funny. The fact that we’ve seen it is proof that [the problem] is not his ability to land a joke. It’s more the script. The script is just too flat in a lot of these movies. In Zookeeper, the script was-- it was hard to grab on to why you care what is happening.

S: Yes

R: His name is Griffin, by the way. 

S: Oh, o yea, it’s like a last name first name

R: It’s probably because it’s an animal name. 

S: I feel the Zookeeper suffers from what most of the movies he’s in suffers from which is tonal confusion. At first we’re like ok we have this guy who loves his job, total Kevin James thing, loves rules, total Kevin James thing, and is hopelessly in love with a woman who is not going to love him back to the same degree, total Kevin James thing. But then all of a sudden of all these red pill MRA shit themes start coming in. And we’re like who is this? This is not my Kevin James. And the thing is that those parts of the film feel icky. Like that part of the film feels so much more Grown Ups than anything else we’ve seen him in. Where I’m like David Spade would someone totally do this. Like you could see this showing up on his Twitter feed like “make a woman feel bad about herself”

R: I think that is one of the things that I find most troubling about Kevin James movies. I don’t want Kevin James movies to be low key sexist or high key sexist. It’s hard to tell where on the spectrum these movies fall.

S: Because of the tonal confusion

R: Yes because of the tonal confusion. It’s a weird combination of he’s putting these women on a pedestal and sometimes he’s forming genuine relationships that you can appreciate with these women. They are always strong. They are not really vapid in these movies. These are smart capable women. These characters in the are interesting people who you are like, yes, I respect this person. And then I think where it falls apart is the way he actually gets women. That’s when it starts to become creepy. So, if you learn how to manipulate women, you can just get them?  

S: There’s no seeing him stick the landing. There’s no reason that the relationship goes from kind of contentious to they’re making fun of each other and there’s no real chemistry like in Here Comes the Boom, the connection between him and Salma Hayek, I’m honestly can’t remember if they actually got together or not but I know the movie was trying to take us by the hand. And I’m like we don’t need this. This can just be about his super intense friendship with Henry Winkler, Henry Winkler’s unorthodox home life and then finding himself through MMA fighting. I don’t need this romantic relationship shoe horned in. Almost in the same way as Paul Blart, the end game in Paul Blart did not need to be a woman and then it wasn’t in the second one but they kinda wanted us to want it to be. That whole plot thread with him, the hotel manager, and the security guard, what was that? I know this isn’t Zookeeper and we keep getting off subject but I think this is relevant,

R: I’m just saying, Paul Blart had a threesome with those people. I’m throwing it out there. 

S: Oh 1000%

S: He’s negging them! It makes sense that he would end up with them. I predicted this. I knew this would happen. I orchestrated the whole thing. Are we then supposed to believe that Griffin also became awakened to this sort of pick up artist technique?

R:  He didn’t use it on Rosario Dawson. They actually did the opposite. They had a rip roaring good time at that wedding and that’s why they got together. I think that is why this is the most painless Kevin James romantic interest matchup because when they get together you’re like, Yeah, I get that. You got invited to this wedding as a friend. You had an awesome time. You both acted ridiculous, probably destroyed this wedding, but enjoyed yourselves, and after that, you decided to be more than friends. That is actually an understandable sequence of events. 

R: The negging thing-- I think we were supposed to be made to understand that it worked on Leslie Bibb because she is a shallow gold digger and those are the only types of guys that she goes out with, specifically. 

S: Ok which is a perfect transtition to why is Joe Rogan in this movie? Are they BFFs why is Joe Rogan in these fucking movies?

R: I would say I think he just likes playing a douchebag in Kevin James movies, but I don’t know. It’s hard to say. 

S: I am not under the impression that he is part of the Adam Sandler cabal so we have determined that Kevin James puts his brothers and his friends in all of his films.

R: And his wife. 

S: And his wife. So he is the light side to Adam Sandler’s dark side. Does that then mean, that Joe Rogan is part of the Kevin James posse? Cause I really feel like we are coming onto something here.

R: Well, they must be friends, somehow. 

S: We don’t see the reoccurrence of actors in these movies unless they’re friends. Because once you’re in a Zookeeper or Here Comes the Boom, you only need to be in one of these. You can just sort of live off residuals. Unless there is a different draw, you don’t really need to be in another.

R: Here is a Joe Rogan tweet from October 11, 2012, promoting Here Comes the Boom: 

https://twitter.com/joerogan/status/256578871380549633?s=20

S: So this is definitely a branding thing

R:  I wonder if it started with Here Comes the Boom, where Joe Rogan was in that movie because it was an Ultimate Fighter Movie, I guess. 

S: Yes

R: And then maybe they did become friends because of that and decided to do more movies after that? 

S: And then Joe Rogan’s podcast only took off later like he didn’t become the podcast guy until maybe 2015.

R: So, yeah, I guess that would kind of make sense is they would come up in their careers together through Kevin James movies, in part. 

S: That’s so interesting though because that puts Kevin James in the power position in his friendship with Joe Rogan.

R: Yes. I actually did find an article. If you Google, “Kevin James Joe Rogan Friendship.” 

S: As I do, every night before I go to bed but go ahead and tell me.

R: I don’t know what sherdog.com is. I don’t know what it is. It’s the global authority on mixed martial arts website. 

S: I’m so glad this is going to be on your web history, your browser history. John’s going to be like “Ryan, are you ok?’

R: So, this is an article from October 11, 2012, entitled “Kevin James’ Friendship with Bas Rutten, Joe Rogan, Inspired Here Comes the Boom”

S: So they were already friends then went and wrote a movie?

R: Supposedly, they interviewed Kevin James. Oh, look-- you can listen to the full interview. 

Interesting

R: So, they went on Sherdog Radio Network’s Beatdown Show

S: I love these words

R: And then they asked him where he got the idea for an MMA comedy and he said It really came from Joe Rogan and I talking. I’ve always wanted to try to incorporate some mixed martial arts into a movie, and Joe and I were talking about how we could make it a comedy. It seems difficult to do without making it goofy and jokey … . The challenge was just kind of getting a blend of real comedy and real moments and also infusing that with realistic MMA.”

S: So that makes so much more sense why Here Comes the Boom was so confusing. They were trying to do a lot. I think this whole project is going to lead me to listening to a ton of Kevin James interviews to just try to figure out what was the kernel that this bizarre movie started as and how the fuck did it end up where it is. And I’m going to definitely look up what lead to the Zookeeper because if this is what led to Here Comes the Boom that means the Zookeeper was Kevin James was a at a zoo and thought what if the animals could talk and give me love advice.

R: It sounds like he and Joe Rogan are friends just because they are both comedians. 

S: So Joe Rogan is big at the Comedy Store and I wonder if Kevin James used to do stand up there? Cause Joe Rogan one of THE people on the LA comedy scene. I feel like we’re going to end up writing a book about Kevin James someday.

R: I would be fine with that. Could you imagine if we actually got the opportunity to interview Kevin James? 

S: I would love that. I feel like… and I’m going to take a big swing right now…he is the connective tissue that holds Hollywood together. But for real, we’re finding out that he low key has just been…and long term fans would think I’m ridiculous for saying this, I feel like he’s been kinda flying under the radar in a way that I’m unaware of. But think about how few actors get to act as long as he’s been acting. He’s been around since the early 2000s that’s like longevity stuff and it seems like he’s always trying stuff.

R: I actually wish that I had known about Here Comes the Boom before I watched Here Comes the Boom. I would love to know the conversation that sparked the Zookeeper. I wish that I was there for the making of before I saw the final product. I think if I knew more about the material beforehand, I would have a different relationship with the movie. 

S: No that definitely makes sense because the thing we’re always questioning is intention. Like ok, so what exactly were we supposed to get out that scene? Or why would they have the characters do that? And I feel like from the little bit that I know about how the formulation of these things happened. They’re just trying stuff. Like we’re seeing what would now be relegated to a Youtube skit or a web series but they got to make a full Hollywood movie. Similar to Kevin Smith, being like I talked about the concept for Tusk on my podcast and then I went and made it. And it seems like Kevin James and his friends are doing that all the time. Like we were sitting around in our rich man’s houses and decided to make this film. By then he was flush with King of Queens money and Adam Sandler money so why not try some shit? And the studios keep signing off on it so he must be good money right? Or was that a Happy Madison Production?

R:  I think that was a Happy Madison Production???? [EDIT: Yes, it is a Happy Madison Production.]

S: Cause that’s the other part if your best friend is going to cosign on your projects very little is risked

R: Let me see. At one point, I thought this was supposed to be a kid’s movie that their parents could watch with them. 

S: Like a family film but so much of it centers around materialism and the compromise that happens when you’re with the wrong person. Even the hokey animal stuff like “show her your pudding cup” and “mark your territory”, I don’t even know how funny kids would think that was.

R: I mean, I’m trying to think back to when I was a kid, if I would have thought it was funny that he was peeing on a tree in front of actual children. 

S: I think I would have felt uncomfortable because I would be like “an adult’s not supposed to do that” like stranger danger stuff.

R: One thing that struck me in the movie is how suggestible Griffin is. You could tell Griffin to do anything and he would just do it. I guess his character was like that because otherwise you wouldn’t have any jokes in the movie. So, like, he is peeing at this party. I feel like in a lot of other movies, they would create some scenario or misunderstanding that would make that happen, but in this movie, he just decided to pee at this party.   

S: And the maitre d is way too understanding about it. Instead of ejecting him from the party, he’s like “hey you know have bathrooms right?” And Kevin James is like “yea” and then the subject is never revisited. And I’m sort of like that is not how that would have happened, the police would have been called. And like imagine being those other diners? So like you’re not going to kick him out? You’re just going to talk to him? Okkk

R: It also didn’t give him a private place to do that. I feel like in another movie, they would have given him a place to do that out of view and then he would have been caught, but he was just out in the open, peeing.

S: He was in the center of the restaurant, pissing in a planter. It was so, that’s the other part, that makes these movies so unbelievable. Kevin James as the main character is almost never the one acting most outrageously. Like he’s acting outrageously but so is everyone else here so it make it feel like it’s taking place in a crazy world. In the same way and I keep thinking about and I don’t know why this keeps coming up for me, the moment in Grown Ups where they’re at the water park. I’m having an issue phasing in and out of these movies at this point because they all have the same problems. But when they’re at the water park and everyone’s acting bananas. Where they have that weird scene where they sneaking onto the water slide the wrong way, and they keep going on the water slide and Steve Buscemi is there for no reason and Kevin James steals that kids milk and no one is behaving properly. So are we to believe that this is just a world where no one behaves properly or is the main characters behavior setting everyone else off like a domino effect?

R: I feel like it also diminishes some of the humor of what’s happening. I feel like if everyone thinks it’s normal to pee in a restaurant, where’s the joke? 

S:I completely agree. With no juxtaposition, without a straight man, where’s the joke? It’s just like everyone acting like an asshole and I just think I’m glad I’m not there. Once the lose of decorum is normalized, it’s no longer funny. It’s just like oh, we’re in a gross out world.