#the marking on shape's eye is his birthmark btw

[certifiedrat-hater]

shapey lore or whatever

when he was a lil itty bitty guy his parents got taken away by the thought police. one of them took in shapey and adopted him, his name is jack harper

[contentconsumer]

howdy!! i saw you have your ships open, so i'd like to request one. please ship me with someone that's over 18, and a guy. :3

(fyi, this is like a req for a stranger things ship)

ANYWAYS!

my name is michelle, i am 4'10", and a capricorn!

i have long, fluffy/wavy brown hair and brown eyes! i have fair-ish skin with a lot of beauty marks and birthmarks scattered throughout my body. i'm curvy-ish? think of an hourglass, but athletic, i lift a lot so i'm very much in shape and toned. i used to do sports but later stopped because of how clumsy i am. i'm latina, so i speak both english and spanish, and with that brings one of my biggest insecurities.. my nose. back in middle school and high school i'd get bullied for having a "hawk" like nose, so.. yeah. i have elf ears (stahl's ear - genetic mutation) and naturally rosey (very rosey pink) lips. i'd like tattoos and piercings one day, maybe within the next 3 years.

due to that, i became very reserved. timid. shy. i found comfort in music and art, i play the electric guitar and very much enjoy ozzy osbourne, childish gambino, metallica, ac/dc, judas priest, & etc. i've been drawing since i can walk, basically, and had it not been for my dear love for science and crime, i would've majored in something with fine arts. i'm majoring in forensics, btw.

as for who i am, like i mentioned - i'm very shy and timid and reserved, but i will stand up for those who i love and will (and been known to have a mean) bite anyone who disrespects my family and friends. i may be short, but i'm very very strong for my size. once you get to know me, though, i'm like a ball of energy. i've been told i'm the funny friend of the group - and bring the "personality and joy" to calls and such. it's very nice. i also have a very generous heart, i'm known to give money to those who need it, and answers to anyone who asks. i vibe with people very easily.

for how i dress, i can go from a grungey look to a pretty princess, sometimes i'm very lazy- and since i'm from texas, i also have a cowgirl outfit, or two. but mostly grungey. you can find me with my airpods on, dancing down the street or lip-syncing in the store. andddd one final thing, i love love love watching documentaries, about like serial killers or history or just lore on video games, cause i fucking love games (and lore).

thank you so very much for your time, i'm sorry if this is all over the place. if you need anything from me, please dm me!! <3

omg are we the same person? hello fellow capricorn/weightlifter/true crime lover/tattoo&piercing enthusiast (are we gonna kiss rn?) anyway i ship you with eddie munson! i feel like eddie would love to have a strong and energetic partner who always keeps him entertained - he also understands the hardships which come with bullying etc.. so he just gets you. i feel like you speaking spanish would just do something to him, and he often asks you to just say anything because he thinks it sounds so beautiful - you share music and can be found in his trailer listening to whatever you deemed is your favourite record for the week. he also finds how clumsy you are so cute and endearing lol.

tysm for the request i cannot believe how similar we are haha - enjoy! <3

[askmyboys]

Tyrone

Here’s a furry character I made, im honestly getting invested into those types of babs but i... kinda suck at descriptions lmao, I’ll get better wiht it sooner or later though hopefully

I’ll post Noxis later, gotta just read over his desc again tho bc i cant remember the specific trigger warnings i need to put on his desc so yeye

| Name: Tyrone

| Nicknames: Tyre/Ty

| Gender: He/Him

| Age: N/A

| Height: 7’3”

| Species/Race: Anthropomorphic Dog (Cane Corso is the breed he’s based on)

| Hair style: His hair is essentially just part of his fur- but the fur is slicked back on top of his head to match the rest of his fur really (I mean… Cane Corso fur IS pretty slicked back and not super fuzzy ya know?)

| Eye Color: Caramel Brown

| Fur Color/Body Type: Black and overall he’s pretty average looking, looks a b i t muscular tbh

| Appearance: Let’s start off with the actual appearance instead of the clothing, he got his ears cropped from a young age (where he comes from, it's a mixed thing really, in his pack specifically cropped ears were a rite of passage while to other packs cropped ears were ghastly and considered cruelty but eh to each their own) so now his ears are pointed, he also has a silver earring on the top of his right ear! His teeth are razor sharp and his paw pads are relatively natural coloring a charcoal color, on the middle paw pad of his right paw there is some kind of birthmark there it seems, it’s shaped like a simple circle BUT the birthmark’s meaning is the crucial bit here, it is essentially a high stature sorta thing, only his father has that birthmark of the entire pack, even all the sons and daughters from various litters never held that birthmark, not until Tyrone came along.

His outfit he usually wears is a black leather jacket that has spikes on the shoulder pads with a white t-shirt underneath, he’s got a black collar with a LOT of spikes surrounding it on, more so than the usual spiked collars and they are actually VERY sharp (it’s essentially to protect his neck during fights, I’ll explain that in a bit though) but also it just looks cool, it’s got a bone hanging down the front with his name written in cursive on it, he usually wears charcoal black jeans that are ripped with chains hanging down them (even though his tail is stubby he still cut a hole for it bc that’d still be uncomfy tbh), he doesn’t wear any boots though, boots tend to give him aches while walking.

He’s also got a lot of scars, his most prominent scarring is one on the nose, three over his right eye but he can still see out of it surprisingly, a few long ones near his neck and some old puncture wounds from what looks like dog teeth, and finally claw marks up and down his arms, belly, back, and legs.

Oh btw, even tho he wears a shirt without it you can see he has white patch of fur running down his chest and stomach! Just another lil detail.

| Personality: Tough, stubborn, sometimes a little too cocky for his own good, narcissistic even sometimes? He can be VERY protective and loyal however to the right people/animals, he’s always on high alert of his surroundings and the people around him despite not seeming like he is sometimes, he can be very calm and stable and he USUALLY thinks before he acts but that’s not ALWAYS the case, he can be quiet and reserved sometimes as well but it’s rare, he’s usually pretty much an extrovert although not many people nor other animals approach him, he looks and sounds intimidating as hell and while it CAN be a good thing it can also be a bad thing, deep down he’s a good guy, he’s soft, sweet, kind, and caring! He doesn’t like that most treat him as a terrifying threat or beast, he ain’t about hurting someone just for fun!

The only time he EVER attacks is in self defense OR in defense of the people he cares about, and even then that has to be when he’s ABSOLUTELY pushed to his limit, he’s more so a big referee toward things like fights n shit like that, he’ll body block the two offenders or put himself in front of those he’s trying to protect and usually all he needs to do is speak or growl and that usually sends offenders running off, and even then if they persist he’ll then try giving corrections (corrections are a HUGE thing among his pack) while he won’t actually bite them, he’s going to make a lot of horrifying sounds and act like he’s going to, and usually because to most dogs, not just his pack (yeah corrections are common amongst most dogs too i know) he’ll even go as far as to put someone/another dog especially on their side.

Sure, humans… Are very different and more complex but even then, most of them after being checked by a huge seven foot three dog like him, most will think twice before continuing to try and escalate things. Unfortunately because of his size (he’s the second biggest in his pack, the first being his father likewise) most other dogs, especially ones of his own breed try to challenge him a LOT, and he doesn’t like fighting, usually he ignores these but if they keep on bothering him, he’ll try and give them a warning, aka something like a correction essentially, he’ll tell them very clearly to back off but if they lunge for him or try to go for him at all, then he will NOT hold back, he’s not going to let himself be pushed around or killed just because some dog is butthurt about him being bigger than they are.

| Side Facts: Likewise, his scars have come from SEVERAL fights, some even from his own pack which… His father didn’t take a liking to at all and especially not his mother… His father was the alpha and despite being a male in this situation he actually stepped in quite a lot, however his father was a bit more…

Let’s just say a little more forgiving, his mother was an absolute SPITFIRE, she ruled with an iron fist and she didn’t tolerate ANY bullshit, she’d never hurt any of her pack members nor babies especially but there was no tolerance for certain things and in her pack you HAD to obey the rules whether you liked them or not.

She was MUCH more harsh than his father was with corrections, heh- Tyrone remembers as a pup oh he can’t even COUNT how many times he heard his mom growling, snarling and of course can't count how many times he’s seen her bare her teeth even, she was a no nonsense kind of woman, even toward the puppies she ruled with an iron fist, they were taught along with Tyrone from a very young age how important the rules were and how important energy and certain cues from other dogs were.

Tyrone is very embarrassed however bc the stories his mom always tells were how as a young pup, he was the aggressive little spitfire who didn’t care how big his opponent was, he’d challenge them, try to dominate, and conquer essentially- Nothing was thought through then, in his adolescent years he was always SO damn serious! No play, no nothing! He even growled at the pups trying to play with him! Some little tiny marks that are barely able to be seen came from his mom and dad but, in dog society it’s kinda natural, I mean to be fair, dogs when correcting aren’t like humans, they only have their mouths so when a dog’s correction your BOUND to see a mark here and there.

He does thank his mama for setting him straight though that’s for sure… He sounded like such a handful and even though he has the second highest stature to his father, even he was not safe from the corrections lmao, his mother is actually first in command, father is in second co-command essentially and finally Tyrone is in third- all three of them are p much high ranking, of course since his parents are still living THEY are the alphas but he IS a Beta, the other brothers and sisters being mostly betas and omegas (there are a couple of his brothers n sisters who are also alphas but they are in fourth, fifth, sixth, and seventh place- if i ever name his pack I’ll make sure to clarify who is which ranking)

Overall, Tyrone really loves his family, he’d do anything to protect them even if he wanders a lot and doesn’t stay with them the entire time, he does try and visit as often as he can, he knows eventually he’ll track wherever their roaming as well, usually packs stick together but… Given Tyrone’s status and the fact he’s got the birthmark and is high stature his parents are more so lenient with him, they do still worry bout him ofc but still, he was never the type to just sit still, while his other brothers n sisters don’t really care bout leaving the pack he’s ALWAYS been a wandering spirit, so… They’ll let him be free, they’ll still love him nonetheless in the end.

[tmntnerd2016]

Tmnt Makeup interest headcanons

Soo….I did some headcanons about Raph last year and it got so many great comments...by the way THANK YOU SO MUCH TO EVERYONE WHO REBLOGED AND COMMENTED I LOVED IT SO MUCH...heh...but anyway thanks to @midnightrebel669 she gave me the idea to do a headcanon on what type of makeup designs the guys like on girls...since I love makeup a lot ...I really hope yall like it!!!! (btw in this i don't give the reader a gender cause I know many boys and non binary people who love makeup and sexy turtles heh)

First off…

All of the boys think you are absolutely stunning without makeup...cause they can see your skin, your sparkling eyes, your puffy lips, and every small freckles or beauty mark decorated on your face (if you have any) ...no matter what you think is imperfect weather its a birthmark or redness they see it as what makes you unique! Also any makeup that enhances your natural beauty they go crazy for.

Leonardo

Any makeup that highlights your eyes! Blue glitter or even full blue smokey eye…. He loves to stare into your eyes already...loves to watch them sparkle with love and happiness. Leo would never admit it to his brothers but he's hurt that people wouldn't accept him as who he is..but you...you see him as one of the sexiest guys on earth…....He’s so happy that he gets to have a beautiful person like you…..

Raphael

Honestly loves lipstick, lip gloss, or even lip art! Of course if there's red...He loves your lips any chance he gets his lips are latched onto yours…(Mikey called him a leech one time which ended up with both of them going to the hashi)...Your lips are so soft and kissable he sometimes cant handle himself. All you have to do is pucker your lips at him. Once you do that he's puddy in your hands. As Raph was growing up he didn't think that someone could love “a freak” like him. He would dream about kissing someone’s lips sometimes wake up to his lips on his pillow. But once he kissed you….he never stopped. Another reason he loves lipstick is cause he can walk around with a mark on him.

Donatello

He loves the contours of your face...anything that compliments the hollows of your cheeks or your chin even..since he's so tall he would sometimes put his finger under your chin as he kisses you..he would be so intrigued at how makeup can transform a person’s face. Once he sees that you added something to appreciate the curvature of your face he won't stop staring at your face. He would probably start to watch YouTube videos to watch the process. Throughout aging Donnie always wanted to have a significant other. Someone to work on new gadgets with. He didn't think he was as good as his brothers...he was the tallest..not the most muscular..had glasses..also he was always called a nerd. The reason he really loved was the shape of a person's face the way how each was unique...all he wanted was someone as unique as him...and now that he has you all he can do is admire your one and only face.

Michelangelo

Mikey loves your cheeks...he thinks they make you look so innocent and adorable so anything that will amplify them he will totally love! He would love when you wear blush, highlighter contour or even glitter. He loves to pinch your cheeks and kiss them sometimes even blow raspberries on them. No matter what he's doing he will drop it to kiss or touch your soft skin. When Mikey was a little tot he wanted his ‘true love’ someone who wouldn't see him as a monster and scream or run away. The moment he laid his eyes on you and you didn't scream and run he feel head over ...well...sneakers for you…..your his dream significant other and he couldn't ever ask for anyone better

@bloody-dark-shells03 @nikitaboeve @fyreball66 @annaliaandtheturtles @luvroffictionalcharacters @galaxy-dusk @jasonofthenight @shadowsandcoldwords @amythestrosethorns @imsoserious15 @terrapinup @imthegreenfairy88 @fear-the-antiverse

Please feel free to tag anyone you think would enjoy this I hope y’all love it as much as I did making it 😘😘😘😘☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️😊😊😊😊😊❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💙💙💙💙💙💙🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡💜💜💜💜💜💜💕💕💕💕💕

[panticwritten]

Character: Jordan Sawyer

Jordan is the newest addition to my original paras in the Cube (not including the various versions of me). Well, he showed up a few months before Connor returned but he disappeared very quickly when Connor came back.

Jordan is not Connor’s brother. They just act like it because they look identical (except for a couple marked differences) and it’s easier to call them brothers than whatever the hell would be an accurate term for them.

It’s all really complicated.

Full Name: Jordan Sawyer Nicknames: He hasn’t really been around long enough to get a nickname lmao Gender: Genderqueer Pronouns: He/him Age: 20 Orientation/Sexual preference: Asexual Height: 5′8 Weight: 218 lbs Eye color: Red Face shape: Oval Body build: Ectomorph Skin color: White, pale. Scars/Birthmarks: There’s a thick vertical scar from his collarbone to his bellybutton. Hair color: Blond. Hair style: Short. Like, think Bitty from the beginning of Check, Please! Religion/Spirituality: Atheist. Alignment: Lawful good Occupation: He’s unemployed and learning how to control himself.

TW:

Emotional manipulation

Unreliable reality

Okay so here’s the cut for his life story.

So. Jordan’s life is very wound up with Connor’s. Basically, they were the same person until sometime in 2015. I put the weight on Connor for everything that happened with the leaving and the staying away because he’s the one who kept their original name but like

Jesus this is complicated hang on let me gather my notes.

SO the original Connor was an asshole. He pushed me to ignore school and only focus on writing/art, he hated all of my friends, and nothing was ever good enough. He was manipulative, slick, said that all of it was for my own good.

Which he realized, after about six months of that, was bullshit. That real life is important. He tried to be better I guess? Thought more about what he did. Said. Pressed me to do. And it worked. We found our rhythm. We became friends, really close, he was my best friend.

But he still recognized that he had the potential to be awful for me, and that came out a few times. And it got worse the closer we got. 

I started to explore the tiny amount of the Cube that existed then and got so distracted from reality that he used our connection to physically close off the doors leading out of the Room (which was the main section of the place at the time). It worked, and that’s how he explained away lying that I could only get through the doors if I found the right key in myself.

(Plot twist, his lie turned out to be kind of right when I found my key that could open all of the doors)

He recognized that a friendship I had was growing toxic, something that I was completely aware of, and did some. Questionable things. In an attempt to ward me away from them. I had a talk with him about me choosing my own friends and him not being able to make those decisions for me.

When I first started messing with Furnace and the nectar and all of that bullshit, he disapproved, and he was right to. He pressed for me to stop, and when convincing me didn’t work he found out about something he could do. That he didn’t realize he could do. That I didn’t realize he could do until fairly recently.

He had a sizable power of suggestion.

When it worked, him manipulating me into cutting those ties without me realizing, he rationalized that away. And he started using that more and more, to ‘help’ me make ‘healthier’ decisions.

According to him, it was an episode of Doctor Who that kinda. Made him realize how awful that was. And he left a note (bullshit about me being too reliant on him, running into the memory sectors to find a way to get rid of that temptation. Or, to hide where I couldn’t find him so that he couldn’t do that.

And yeah as y’all know, he was out there for a solid two years.

Well, new Connor was out there for two years.

About two weeks before Connor came back, someone new arrived in the Cube kind of out of nowhere. His name was Jordan. I didn’t really spend much time with him, but I did know that he had a really powerful ability to manipulate the way people think.

I still didn’t know about Connor’s abilities at the time, so there wasn’t any connection to be made. Connor hadn’t looked like anything before he left. It had been about a year since I’d seen Connor in Furnace, and even then my memories of those runs were sketchy at best from the nectar and how much I tried to forget.

So I didn’t recognize the similarities, especially since I spent maybe 10 minutes in his presence in the entire time he was here. Which was like a week.

And he disappeared before Connor came back, anyway, and the two have different enough aesthetic tastes that I didn’t make the connection then either.

So, yeah, life went on. We had Breaking Furnace and I started delving deeper into other universes. Everything was fine, I was going to college soon.

But the Sequence of Regrettable Happenings door kept. Opening. And Olaf would slip out, and that ruined the entire day every time. And there was a ton of drama, with Karl, Connor, J355 2.16, J-Negative, the Revolutionaries and John Andre, and with Jarie.

Someone let J-Negative out. J355 2.16 dealt with that, much to Jay’s horror. We were led to believe it was Jarie, one of the many clones created in the compound. And when we saw the glazed look in their eyes before they fled into the memories, we made the assumption that it was Jordan.

Which turned out to be absolutely wrong but okay I guess. Before anyone tries to guess it was Connor, that’s also wrong.

Connor is the one who actually convinced me to go into the memory sectors to find him.

I went in because I’m the original and tbh I have a lot more control over the physical space in the Cube than I let on. That’s a moral question for another day. And through some really tedious tiptoeing through the damn hellscape that is the memory sectors, I found Jordan.

Trapped in one of my bad memories, in absolutely no shape to have been doing anything on the scale of what had been happening. Especially when he had been hardcore trying to suppress his abilities because he. Had this weird sense of black/white morality when I found him. Thought that Connor must have walked away without any of those abilities, that Connor was the GOOD one and therefore Jordan must be the evil one.

Which is garbage and I was pretty much like “sounds fake lets go back to the Cube.” Connor’s no saint lmao.

So he followed me, telling me what exactly happened between the the orignal Connor leaving the Cube and the two of them becoming. Well. Two of them.

The closer we got, the more he insisted he wouldn’t go back because he was convinced that going near Connor would make them fuse again and apparently the one thing the two of them have in common is this rly childish notion that I Must Be Protected from them. I told him we would figure it out when we got back because at that point I had been wandering in the memory sectors for like a week and that is Not Fun.

And I found Jarie, also running into the actual instigator of the whole thing (which was AA. That’s a whole other can of worms). I didn’t even acknowledge that bullshit at the time.

We came back. Connor told me everything. Told me that he didn’t know Jordan was so broken up. I was livid.

At both of them.

But we all got over it. Jay had helped Connor figure out how to keep from accidentally manipulate folks, so both of them tag teamed helping Jordan. He’s still figuring himself out and doesn’t really trust himself but!

I think it was just that when Connor first came into being, he was supposed to be everything. I poured too much into one container and it wasn’t stable. As two separate people (who can coexist in the same place just fine, btw), they are way healthier, have the opportunity to be happier, and tbh like. Jordan is the best older brother (I mean, he’s only like a year older than me but) and I’ve never had an older brother before so that’s new and exciting and I’m sad I missed out.

Just because someone decided not to communicate after splitting into two separate people. And, honestly, because someone couldn’t communicate in the first place apparently.

I could have split them myself if he had just used his words.

Although, Jay didn’t exist except as an extension of myself when Connor made the decision to leave. If he wanted to get control before telling me, telling Jay would have shot that horse in the face.

When all of the different versions of myself split apart, Jay had memories of Connor having coming to speak to them (but he didn’t listen to them obviously because he was still gone) and he received his own new memories dealing with the others and their new pasts.

Jordan still has trouble believing he left the memories. He wakes up sometimes convinced he’s back there, that none of it is real. Which it’s not, but it is real to him and everyone else in the Cube. It sucks, but that happens with Connor too, sometimes.

And Jordan was in the memories for another two years, almost.

[lottiesnotebook]

Listen I can't write a prompt to save my life but y'know the soulmate AUs with wrist tattoos? How about that except it's a matching symbol or crest representing the relationship of the soulmates. Maybe you can write this with Jacobi (lost his symbol when his arm burned off, Kepler's brand/contract is like replacement) and Eiffel in the SESD universe? I think that's be neat. I liked your end-of-world prompt response btw, cheers to the anon who sent that --'Kaleidoscope' :)

Send me a prompt! (Yes, still doing these)

You wanted SESD Jacoffel with Soulmates? Ask, and you shall receive! I asked the lovely @captainlovelxce to write this with me, so this is a product of both your SESD girls:

“What’s that?” Eiffel drew back from kissing him to graze a finger against the mark at the base of his ribs. “Weird shape for a birthmark.”

“It’s not a birthmark,” Jacobi said, like it was obvious, and tried to draw him back in again.

“Mm, what, then?”

“What, you’ve never seen someone else’s soul mark before? Not get out much?” Jacobi teased, slipping his hands under Eiffel’s shirt so they could be similarly disrobed.

“No, but- I thought yours was on your wrist?” He raised his arms, allowing Jacobi to pull his shirt off more easily, before catching the aforementioned arm in his hands. “Right there.” He flipped his wrist, revealing the mark there. “But if that’s your soulmark…”

“This?” Jacobi asked, sounding more confused by the second. “This is a sigil. What’s – why have we stopped kissing, again?”

“Because- why do you have- never mind, it’s not important. Shit.” He leant back a little, a hand knotting nervously in his hair.

Jacobi folded his arms over his chest, hunching over just slightly as he stepped away from Eiffel. “What’s wrong?”

“Itlookslikemine.” The words exploded out of him, tripping over each other into a dead silence. “It. It looks like mine. I think.”

“That’s not possible,” Jacobi said curtly, and a little too quickly.

“What do you mean, that’s not- look at it.” He turned away a little, pulling his hair back to reveal the mark at the base of his neck. “I haven’t exactly checked on it recently but I’m pretty sure I know what my own soul mark looks like!”

Jacobi’s arms closed a little tighter around himself. “No.”

“How are you so-” He cut himself off, closed his eyes, breathed, then said, flatly: “You’re freaking out as much as I am right now, aren’t you? Fuck.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Jacobi said plainly. He moved a hand to cover his own mark, and felt how warm it was, how it had reacted to his soulmate’s touch. His fingers itched to touch the mark on Eiffel’s neck, but he kept them still.

“You’re a horrible actor.” Eiffel’s hands curled around his elbows, drawing further back. “If I was wrong, you’d be using it against me right now.”

“If I don’t – If I don’t touch you - it - it doesn’t count. We’re not bonded.”

“What, so you’re just going to leave me hanging? Rude.” He rolled his eyes, mask of sarcasm slipping back into place. “It can’t exactly make things worse. Not now we already know.”

“One man controlling me is bad enough.” Jacobi loosened his arms just enough to be able to bend down and grab his discarded shirt. “I don’t need a soulmate. Never did.”

“You think I’d use it to control you? What would I do? I can’t even lie to you anymore! I’m…” He tailed off, turning away. “I’m even more of a liability than I was before.”

“I won’t ask you to tell me anything,” Jacobi told him, dressing. “But I’m not - I’m already bound, okay?”

“Well, now that makes two of us.” He could feel the bond, already hooked deep beneath his fingertips, but that didn’t mean he had to look at him. “What did you do?”

“I didn’t think you were coming.” Shirt on, he rolled up one sleeve slightly. “I told you. Sigil. His sigil.”

“Of course. I should’ve known better.” He gritted his teeth, turning away fully to pull on his own shirt. “He took my home. He took my family. Of course he took my fucking soulmate, it only makes sense-”

“He did you a favour,” Jacobi snapped. “Now you get a choice. You can find someone who’s actually worthy of you, your highness.”

He gave a sharp, bitter laugh. “Little late for that, don’t you think? The bond’s already setting in on my side. The only person you’re protecting is yourself.” He shook his fingers as if trying to flick the sensation away, but it was far too late.

“What if I just don’t want you?” Jacobi lied, because he still could.

“Like I said. Horrible actor. You can’t hide your feelings from yourself, let alone me now.”

He cursed, silently. “What do you expect me to do?”

“I don’t know. Not leave?” He still wasn’t looking at him, hair falling askew to partially reveal the mark.

He had never seen Jacobi look so helpless before. “And then what?”

“Just… stay. We can figure the rest out later.” When the bond wasn’t dragging at him like a current, like a thread beneath his skin. “Please.”

“He’ll know. The second he sees me. And then what happens to you? That’s a question, not a threat. I have no idea.”

He shrugged. “He can’t kill me, at least. You keep telling me he’s not that stupid. And he wouldn’t just know. He’s not a mindreader, even the fae can’t do that-”

“He can read me,” Jacobi cut across him, rolling his eyes.  

“And you think nobody’s going to notice I’m even more of a mess than before?”

“Then don’t be a mess! Can’t you just… ignore it?”

“Have you ever heard a story where that goes well and doesn’t end in insanity and buckets of blood all round? Because I haven’t.”

“You and your stories.”

“Yeah, well, you’re my soulmate, apparently, so stories are what we’ve got.”

Jacobi groaned into his hands. “Just stop talking. I – I need to talk to Maxwell. Even if I could just leave him, I won’t do it without her.”

“Because putting my life in the hands of Lady Dragonspeaker – yes, I know she’s your sister – sounds like such a safe plan.” He shuddered, arms curling tighter around himself.

“Oh, for fuck’s sa – here.” Jacobi strode forward, and in one quick movement, had pulled Eiffel towards him for a kiss. His fingers brushed the nape of his neck. “I’m not going to let you die,” he said a moment later, and they both knew he couldn’t lie anymore. “But I’m not throwing my life away either. Got it?”

“Got it,” he agreed, and kissed him again. “Not a fan of losing my soulmate now I’ve got him.”

[thehalfworld]

Fanfic MST: Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation of Edward Cullen, a Twilight fanfic

I was talking to an online friend on Twitter not too long ago, and the subject of bad fanfiction came up. My friend had been reading “My Immortal” and losing his shit over it. I asked if he’d read “Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation of Edward Cullen” and it turned out he had not. He’d never even heard of it.

Indeed, while this story is one of the best-known badfics out there, it’s still considerably less popular than “My Immortal” is, and I think that’s a damn shame. This may be my personal favorite work of bad fanfiction; it’s a fantastic example of the “so bad it’s good” genre. Author BeckyMac666 writes like no other English-language writer has ever written, and this is both a good and a bad thing. She’s almost certainly a troll, given the blatant use of established badfic tropes and several parallels with “My Immortal,” but when you’re this good at being terrible it really doesn’t matter how serious you are about it.

For the record, there are folks who believe that this fic and “My Immortal” share an author, due to the aforementioned parallels. I personally don’t think that’s true, since the prose is very different, but if it amuses you to imagine that they’re written by the same person, be my guest.

Like virtually all Twilight badfic, this story is about a mysterious new girl arriving in Forks and shaking up Bella and Edward’s relationship by creating a love triangle. As usual, Bella is made out to be completely awful in the process, Jacob is largely forgotten about, and the protagonist may not be entirely human herself. This is far weirder, and more entertaining, than your average shitty Twilight fanfiction, though. Mark my words.

I first MSTed this fanfiction back on the old WordPress version of this blog, but, as that was a long time ago and I like to think I’m funnier nowadays, I rewrote most of my comments. It’s not wildly different, but hopefully it is an improvement over the old version.

AN hey guys this is the new improved verson of my story, hope its better this time!

I have no idea what the unedited version of this thing looked like, but I honestly can’t imagine it being any more ridiculous than the final story.

btw i am young and have dyslexia i find spellin hard but its meant2 be unformal ok !

Use spellcheck, you fool! Or get a proofreader!

no critisism pls!

Oops.

tis story goes out 2 my bf zac(kisses!) amd my besfreind Tiffi LOVE YA GRRRL!

The Tara parallel here is probably intentional. Zac never gets mentioned again, much like Tara’s boyfriend, but Tiffi isn’t Becky’s beta reader and they don’t have a spat partway through or anything of that sort.

EDWARD IS OUR GODD!(we wanna SEX him gud!)

Honestly, I think this is how all fanfiction should open. Just tell me straight-up what character you wanna bang before the story’s even started. Save us all some time.

love &blood becky mac! xxx x x xx

Aww. That’s kinda cute.

UPDATE: I have a proofreader and I have cleaned up the spelling and grammer on this chaptor a hell of a lot as you will see (thank u vickie!)

Yeah, Vickie, thank you. Looks like you’re doing a great job and you’ve got everything under control here.

i will be imrpoving the next chaptors soon.

Since this fic got “abandoned,” subsequent chapters have not actually been improved. Not that one can tell, anyway.

Altantiana

Yes, that is a typo of her OC’s name. Off to a great start.

Hey, my names Atlantiana Rebekah Loren (but everyone calls me Tiana or just plain Tiaa).

Virtually no one calls her Tiana during the course of the story. Just so you know. “Tiaa” isn’t a typo, either, though I have no idea why the author felt the need to add an extra A.

Notice the middle name? Subtle.

I am a 16 year old girl and I live in Forks, Washington!

This actually makes her a year younger than Bella, for the record.

My hair is long and pale like spun gold and skims to my waist like a pale shimmering amber mist.

It’s pale and it’s pale? Also, gold and amber are not the same color.

My eyes are deep forgetminot blue and my delicate fentures are lilly white and pure as the winter snow in moonlight.

I’ve been complimented on my fentures before too, but it’s nothing worth bragging about.

I've been told by loads of sleazy, ugly, HORNY guys that I'm real pretty and look like a model or a bunny girl (some of the guys who like me are really old and try to make opt with me its disgusting and weird!) but basically a lot of the girls I meet tell a different story.

Well, gee, after that modest description of yourself I’m shocked that boys think you’re attractive, Tiaa. You sounded so plain and ordinary.

Am guessing that the girls who don’t tell a different story are gay.

They say I'm too ivory white and ethereal and too skinny and that I look anorexic which i don't care about, but I think its seriously disrespectful to people with REAL eating disorders (btw i'm so totally not anorexic! I eat loads I just never gain weight and I'm not thin enough to be anorexic anyways, I think they were just being BIATCHES especially this one ratty brain called Ellie Mayfair who I hope freaking DIES in PAIN with SHIT ON HER FACE! Sorry, I'm not really such a batch but she is SO horrible if you met her you'd think the same!)

I hate when girls pick on me for being too ethereal.

Even though we’re using the “attractive character looks anorexic but isn’t” trope, and that’s obviously not so great, I guess it’s nice that Tiaa/Becky took the time to point out that the comparison is disrespectful to people who actually have anorexia or another eating disorder.

The bit about Ellie Mayfair is one of the best things I’ve ever read. I hope you guys all understand why I had to run this fic now.

Anyways I am quite tall and slim and but with really big boobs that I used to HATE because they look noticeable on my slender body and draw to much attention but now i like them and don't care who stares at me!

Ah, the “skinny yet improbably busty” body type. Strangely more common in fiction than in real life.

Tiaa totally does care who stares at her, by the way. As we’ll see shortly.

I have a lip ring and recently put black and indigo and magenta streaks in my long pale blond hair. I smell like mint and cinnamon.

I have no idea why we’re supposed to care about any of this, but I’m particularly unclear about why we should care what she smells like.

I wear mostly black and hot pink, deep purple and neon blue and listen to COOL music!

Tiaa’s specific music taste never comes up, to my recollection, but I’m betting My Chemical Romance is involved.

It is my first day at school in forks as I just moved here to live with new foster parents Dave and Marie. They are nice and all very hole some sweet people but it is not like having a real family.

Yeah, Tiaa is adopted. This is sort of plot-important later on, but we never get to learn much about her life prior to Dave and Marie.

I've been hurt to many times to let people close to me and I don't talk to them very much.

I mean… you just moved in with them.

My real mom died when I was born and I never knew my real dad. I sometimes wonder what he is like and if I will ever get to met him.

Foreshadowing!

Dave gave me a ride to school and I smiled faintly as he wished me good luck and I got out of the car and went into the school. Loads of people freaking stared at me as I walked down the hall.

Presumably because she’s too ethereal.

I was wearing tight black leather pants with silver chains at the waste and a red fishnet-like top and you could see my black lacy bra through it.

That could have something to do with why they’re staring.

I ignored whispers and the big pink cheerleader imbosils pointing at me. I was used to it and I paid no at-tension to the guys asking desperately for my number(like hell I'd even LOOK at the horny little donkeys!) and told a ditsy blond cheerleader called Jessica to STFU(!) when she called me a freak!

God I love this author’s writing style. Truly, no one has ever written like this, before or since. BeckyMac666 is one of the unsung geniuses of our time.

Next time she tries anything I'll hit her in the eye cause NO ONE messes with me nemore!

Most of the rest of the story is about various people messing with Tiaa. For the record.

My first day I was relay board, I sat gazing out of the window into the gray cloud-embittered sky for most of the morning, My teachers all looked at me disprovable but said nothing cause they probably new I was a foster kid and a Gothic and didn't want to upset me in case I cut them up as they slept,.

I’m a pretty big fan of the phrase “cloud-embittered,” although it is of course completely meaningless.

Hey, uh… why the hell hasn’t she gotten dress coded? I went to a private school and I guess our dress code was a bit stricter than most, but most high schools will get upset at teenage girls for not covering their knees and shoulders, let alone having any undergarments visible. Tiaa’s entire bra is showing through her fishnet top. This is a situation in which I think it’d be reasonable to ask her to change.

My ears are pierced four times, I have a tattoo of a scorpion(like S my birth-sign!) on my ankle and a Gothic cross on my shoulder, and on my hand i have a weird birthmark in the shape of a seven-pointed star that I've had all my life.

I don’t know why we’ve gone right back to (over)describing Tiaa, but I do think I should delete my entire OkCupid bio and replace it with this opening chapter.

Your probably wandering why I'm bothering to tell you this, well I tell you now I am no ordinary sixteen year old girl.

Could’ve fooled me!

I have a secret, a dark and forbidden secret witch I am only just beginning to understand. When I sleep I hear whispers in another language and even though I understand them at the time, when I wake up i can't remember it!

That’s nothing. I had a dream once where I explained the meaning of Nirvana lyrics to somebody (obviously not possible in real life), and I couldn’t remember my explanation when I woke up either.

I also see weird faces in my dreams that fade to nothingness when I open my eyes and I swear out the corner of my eye my birthmark glows shocking bright gold and gets relay hot sometimes but when I look properly it is back to normal boarding scar-color!

I’d like to remind you that this is set in the Twilight universe. It’s already got magical creatures, and there are rules established about their abilities, appearances, and behavior. Tiaa is clearly not quite human, but she doesn’t seem to be a vampire, a half-vampire, or a werewolf. She’s completely unique within her universe, for no defined reason, and the rules governing other nonhumans don’t apply to her.

Like, the physical description and the obvious homage to “My Immortal” already made it clear that this girl is a Mary Sue, but this author clearly gets that Sue status isn’t just about looking unreasonably pretty. It’s about defying the rules of canon. Tiaa’s outstanding at that, as you’ll see later on.

I am really gracefull like the running anti-lopes when I run very fast and am stronger and faster than most people.

God, what a sentence.

I used to just think i was relay athletic but now I'm not so sure, I think there might be something else at work, something so much more mysterious and eeire.

Something like… bad writing?

The truth hovers so softly on the brink of my memory sometimes but if only i could remember the weird things that clung to the edge of my mind as I slept!

There are so many bad fanfics where the prose is bare-bones, with few or no adjectives/adverbs and simple sentence structure. BeckyMac666 tends in the opposite direction, and it’s awesome. Everything is phrased as though it’s super dramatic, nonsense metaphors abound, and our author has clearly never met an adjective she didn’t like. Hey @ aspiring trollfic authors: take note. This is how you write an entertaining badfic.

At lunch I sat alone in the corner and scanned the cafeteria quietly with my eyes smoldering dark blue beheath my long black lashes and my slim thighs curled under me.

Also a big fan of how Tiaa always talks about herself as though she’s checking herself out.

It was the n I noticed an unbelievably jaw-droopingly hawt HAWT HAAAAAAAAWT dude with tusseted blondey-brown hair, golden yellow eyes like wells of hot caramel and pale sexy features. He was tall and mussel and looked like he was wearing eyeliner and my body got hot and cold all at once as I looked at him.

Kind of like an erection only she’s a girl so she didn’t get one you sicko.

I'd never felt this way about anyone before and I'd totally never felt this weird feeling that I'd met someone before but I had no idea where and i knew it was impassible because I'd freaking remember someone THAT hawt!

Foreshadowing! Again!

A girl sat next to him with long brown hair with her arms dripped over him like a freaking flesh-eating plant so i thought well whatevah, hes taken.

Straight-up one of the greatest similes I’ve ever seen. Like, I study English literature and I don’t think I’ve ever read a metaphor better than that one. I’m not joking, it’s brilliant.

She wasn't nearly as hawt as he was, she wasn't ugly though. I figured I was maybe prettier then her. I never really saw myself as beautiful but i'd guessed from thinks others had said, plus this girl wasn't great looking but anyways I'd never try to pilch with another girls' BF cause thats just low.

The modesty act might be a little more convincing if we hadn’t just read several paragraphs of Tiaa talking about how hot she is.

So I got up to leave the hall thinking I'd go and smoke some bald drugs in the locker room while no one was there.

Hey, what’s a “bald drug”? I go to a liberal arts college and I’ve watched the entirety of Breaking Bad multiple times, so you think I’d have heard of it.

As I waked over to he exit I couldn't help but notice the hawt pale guys musky eyes as they met mine.

Musk is a substance some male animals secrete for scent-marking purposes. The word comes from the Sanskrit for “scrotum.” Thought you all should know.

I locked away hurriedly. I smocked dope in the locker room for a bit then I wondered to my next class.

This bitch just hotboxed a locker room on her first day of school. 

I bumped into someone in the corridor and my bocks fell everywhere! FRICK! FRICK! FRIIIICKK!

Remember that this is the beta-read version of the chapter.

"WTF!" I screamed loudly, "watch where your FREAKING going you asshole!" (i have anger problems)

So you know how self-insert characters, particularly Sues, often have self-proclaimed “anger issues”? I wanna talk about that, actually, because it’s a trope I see not only in fanfiction but in published fiction, and it honestly bugs me.

In real life, anger issues are a totally legitimate character flaw, and one that can have serious negative consequences in-universe. A character with a bad temper may make rash decisions, screw up their relationships with others, have trouble holding down a job, get in trouble with the law, and so on; people who have anger problems are often mentally ill and/or traumatized, too, and the anger may be just the tip of the iceberg. Many morally ambiguous characters, well-written ones, have trouble with anger. There’s nothing wrong with this trope when it’s executed correctly.

In the hands of a less-than-competent writer, however, anger issues are the opposite of a problem, because the character’s show of anger will invariably cause others to back down or apologize and there will be no negative consequences. Writing a character who’s so sweet and charming that they always get their way has exactly the same effect, but as that trope falls out of style “anger issues” has taken its place and the authors who write these characters have no idea that they’re doing the same thing as the trope they thought they were avoiding.

Of course, this is the work of a troll, and the use of this trope is almost certainly intentional, but there are way too many authors who employ it unironically as a way to give a “flaw” to a character that even they realize is bordering on unrealistic.

"I'm so so sorry" he said in a voice like wet heaven "please forgive me my lady”

Author’s so fond of weird phrases that I have no idea whether or not “wet heaven” is intended as innuendo.

It was the hawt pale guy!

Dun dun dunnnn!

Next chapter