#the most realistic horror is perpetrated by the guy who thinks he's In The Right that MEANS something. it's INTEGRAL to the story's themes!

[musical-chick-13]

Genuinely I absolutely, thoroughly hate the way people have gotten in regard to "You can write fic about dark subjects, but don't ever go into detail about those subjects" (if they even concede that people are "allowed" to write about anything unpleasant at all).

Because I just read an excellent one that was...very fucked-up! Actually!!! But it was also a nuanced and gripping examination of abuse--switching between the POV of the abuser (who lies to themselves about the reality of their actions, making their POV sections all the more uncomfortable for it), their victim (who lies to themselves in a different way, by refusing both to acknowledge their own victimhood or to consider the ways they later come to continue that cycle) and, eventually, an outside party (who is the only one aware of the true reality, and tries (and fails) to help, through the comparatively powerless ways that are available to them).

And this thing was not reserved in any way regarding its depiction of all of this. It didn't cut away cleanly after a vague uncomfortable comment for the reader to fill in every single blank for themselves. There were even times where the victim themselves was under the impression that they were genuinely enjoying what happened, because they convinced themselves that they had control over a situation they never had control over!!! And I know that...certain people. Would absolutely accuse this fic of "romanticizing abuse" because of these things. Which I think is an INCREDIBLY unfair assessment of it, especially since most of the time the discussion of "romanticizing [x]" is less a discussion and more, "I don't care what the author intended, this story simply shouldn't exist because this is incontrovertible proof they are a horrible person in reality, also they should die."

[danishprince]

Top 5 TV episodes (with reasons why, if you want.)

"if you want" do you KNOW me. apologies for the literal fucking essay incoming.

forcing myself to make sure none are from the same series. but five of my favorites, in no particular order:

bojack horseman s2 e11 — “escape from l.a.”

there are objectively more inventive/more heartbreaking bojack episodes out there (“time’s arrow,” “fish out of water," “free churro”), but this one wins for me because it marks a clearly delineated descent from “depressed horse guy who’s kind of shitty” to “depressed horse guy who actively ruins others’ lives”. straightforward plot, no todd shenanigans (just pete repeat, who’s admittedly hilarious). bojack wants to change, and in new mexico, he thinks he will. for a moment, we’re in a wacky family sitcom! but this episode’s strength comes through a distinct lack of structural trickery: early on you know exactly where “escape from l.a.” is going to go, and you spend the next fifteen minutes watching while frozen, terrified it’s actually going to happen. and it does. horror! olivia wilde’s “if you ever try to contact me or my family again, i will fucking kill you” might be THE best line delivery of the series. 

i may destroy you e12 —“ego death”

“ego death” is a reflection of a reflection: a perfect example of a) the cyclical nature of trauma/ptsd and b) revenge fantasy as both freedom and imprisonment. (again. go back to the bar again. maybe this time it’ll work. maybe this time you’ll figure it out.) arabella feels real in all her contradictions, and we want her to find relief even though on some level that’s not possible. the writing is so, so tight. michaela coel is firing on all cylinders. ultimately i may destroy you is an argument in favor of empathy and against binary notions of good/evil, victim/perpetrator, oppressed/oppressor; this episode sticks the landing thematically while being a deeply cathartic—and realistic!—ending note for arabella’s story. trauma will change you, and there’s no way around it, but there are ways to keep living, keep moving. also it’s just a gorgeous-looking hour. absolute masterwork from a criminally underwatched miniseries.

succession s3 e9 — “all the bells say”

my feelings on this episode mostly boil down to [inconsolable wailing about roy siblings]. but on a writing level, this does a phenomenal job tying together both s3 and the whole series. as vicious and heartbreaking (and funny) as season 3 is, it’s structured anticlimactically—most of the big "plot developments" fizzle out. this episode undermines all that: turns out the important parts of the season were a) character-focused and b) existed all along, gliding under the surface until they re-emerge here as genuinely shocking plot twists. wonderful character moments (kendall’s confession! the siblings coming together! roman standing up to his father!) resonate because they’re so hard-earned, because all series the three have been pitted against each other over and over. the opposite of the capitalistic empty drive for wealth—the opposite of the abuse and neglect the siblings received from their parents—is connection. even if it only lasts a moment, at least it happened. fantastic season finale, simultaneously heartbreaking and revelatory in its own right. 

watchmen e6 — “this extraordinary being” 

one of many things i like about this ep is how it takes previous “canon” and flips it on its head—without actually contradicting anything. we’ve been shown this universe’s so-called history in earlier episodes via those goofy “american hero story” clips. but like the comic that inspired it (a favorite of mine!), watchmen the tv show is constantly reflecting on stories-within-stories, narratives inside the narrative. episode 6 takes pains to disassemble that predominant “history” right in front of our eyes. more importantly, it fucking hurts. angela’s grandfather was hooded justice—survived the tulsa race massacre!—and she never even knew. history isn’t all made up, but the victors get to tell it. “this extraordinary being” asks what if they didn’t? the black-and-white film and flashes to angela’s face both add to a sense of being simultaneously present and not; the past is the past, but it’s never that far away. we carry our parents/grandparents’ trauma within us even if we never consciously know it!!

the sopranos s5 e12 — “long term parking”

it’s kind of cheating to list this one because i haven’t even finished the series yet, but uh—holy fuck. this one destroyed me. devastating penultimate episode of season 5’s meticulously plotted death spiral (which thus far is my favorite sopranos season by a mile). just watched a couple days ago so can’t articulate my feelings beyond “AAAAA” but this recap by emily st. james (spoilers, ofc) says it better than i ever could.

[sammysreelreviews]

Counting Down The 10 Most Shocking Moments From My Favorite TV Shows

So I just finished Jane the Virgin and it inspired me to make a list of moments in television that had me fucking SHOOK. Maybe some other things happened in the show that were just as crazy but these are the moments that affected me personally. This list was so spontaneous but it might be my favorite one cause it was a nice trip down memory lane. Any who, here are the moments that have fucked me up along the years! 

WARNING: LOTS AND LOTS OF SPOILERS!!!

10. Gossip Girl: The Dark Prince

Let’s be clear Gossip Girl stopped being the show it was by season 4 by adding insane story lines but one that was realistic was Queen B marrying a real life prince! Although there are some minor hiccups Blair finally has the dream wedding she always wanted. Unfortunately everything comes crashing down when Louis basically tells her that she means nothing to him and the marriage is now just for show. This SHOOK me cause Louis was such a good guy until that exact moment. Ugh the moment he whispered those vile words to Blair her heart dropped and so did mine.

9. Elite: So who’s actually dead?

From the beginning it was clear that one of the promiscuous teens of Elite was going to die it’s just not who you’d expect! In the first episode you find out that it’s none other than Marina! She was such a big part in the first episode I didn’t think her character would be the one to kick the bucket. Yes I am aware that the real mystery of the show is who’s the murderer but Marina being dead threw me for a loop.

8. On My Block: The Quinceañera from Hell.

On My Block is supposed to be funny and it was until the last fucking episode of season one. Ruby decides to throw his crush Olivia a Quinceañera and everything goes smoothly, she even gets to face time her parents that got deported, until Cesar’s past comes to crash the party. Let me explain. Cesar finally joined his brother’s gang and had the job of executing Latrelle who’s from an opposing gang. Cesar is too sweet for his own good and lets him live. Unfortunately Latrelle shows up to Olivia’s Quinceañera, uninvited, and fires at Cesar but hits Ruby and Olivia in the process. In the end of the episode two ambulances are on their way to the hospital and ones lights go off indicating one of them has died. At the beginning of season two we finally find out that Olivia has passed which is sad and like talk about the worst birthday party ever!

7. Pretty Little Liars: Boo!

There were literally 100 different A’s on this god forsaken show but the final A reveal was definitely the best. Spencer and Ezra have been kidnapped by A in a weird underground whatever thing and Spencer wakes up to her reflection only it’s not her reflection ITS HER TWIN. The elite PLL fans like myself always had theories of Spencer having a twin but when it actually happened I couldn’t believe my eyes. When Alex puts her hand down and says “boo!”... chills literal fucking chills.

6. Vampire Diaries: Dead girls walking.

I could honestly make a list of the top ten shocking moments from the Vampire Diaries alone but this one had 15 year old me shaking in my Ugg boots. Jeremy’s first love Vicki died in season one, which was like WILD for 2009 let me tell you, and his other lover Anna also died. In the season two finale we see two shadows walking around following Jeremy in his house and they’re none other than Vicki and Anna looking straight at Jeremy and even speaking to him. At this point in the show people coming back from the dead was unheard of and this is why it beat everything else.

5. Dark: What REALLY happened that night?

Ok so Dark has a lot of WTF moments like the entire show is a total mindfuck but in season 2 they answered a question and I was not prepared for the answer. Let’s back track realllll quick. Mikkel goes missing in the woods one night and no one finds him BUT Mikkel is alive and well he’s just in the year 1986! In the cave he went through there was a wormhole that took him to the past but the question was, how the fuck did he even end up there!? In the last episode of season two Jonas, Mikkel’s son (I know it’s confusing) goes back in time to stop Mikkel from disappearing to make everything right. Jonas talks to his dad, adult Mikkel, and Mikkel drops the bomb that Jonas was the one to lead him to the fucking wormhole in the first place!!! Everything about this show is absolutely insane but I mean this shit was INSANE. I literally could not believe what I was hearing and honestly neither could Jonas.

4. Jane the Virgin: Have a nice day bae!

Michael begins his day going to take a test and he doesn’t come back. I am so team Michael just so y’all know so I loved the flashbacks of the fair with Jane this episode. What I DIDN’T like was the end of this episode. When Michael “died” I dead ass did not watch the rest of season 3 until it was streaming on Netflix. I sobbed so bad and then at the end of the episode when Jane gets the phone call that Michaels “dead” WOW that shit HURT. Thankfully I decided to keep watching the show cause at the season 4 finale Michael is alive and well but has a little amnesia. I literally will never forgive the writers for ripping my heart out and stomping on it.

3. American Horror Story: Running in circles.

Violet tried to kill herself and Tate saves her by making her throw up except, she didn’t actually survive. Violet is depressed and stays home and it’s not until she tries to leave the house do you realize she’s actually been dead for a couple episodes. Its heartbreaking cause she’ll be stuck in that house forever but the moment you see her dead corpse was absolutely disgusting and heartbreaking at the same time.

2. Skins: Where’s Cook’s main hoe?

When Skins came back for a 7th season wrapping up the lives of Effy, Cassie, and Cook I thought we were gonna get some closure but what I got from Cook’s episodes was very unexpected. There’s honestly a lot going on in Skins Rise but Cook’s second episode has him facing off his psychotic boss Louie. Let me give a little backstory. Cook deals drugs for Louie but Louie made Cook drive his girlfriend Charlie around. Cook being Cook fucks Charlie while simultaneously cheating on his own girlfriend Emma which makes it super awkward when the three of them runaway together to get away from a psychotic Louie. Before Cook absolutely beats the shit out of Louie he’s in the woods looking for Emma and he fucking finds her in a clearing HANGING on a tree!!! Like WHAT THE FUCK!!! Skins has never been THAT brutal and I honestly think it was the most jaw dropping moment that ever happened on the show. God I love Skins but I did NOT love that death like can my baby Cook just be happy!?!

1. Degrassi: The Next Generation: A night to forget.

I was 13 the first time I got my heart broken, the perpetrator, Degrassi: The Next Generation. I was OBSESSED with this show I watched it from the very beginning. JT was my literal MAN like I loved him so much and when they CRUELLY killed him off I legit didn’t want to go to school the following Monday. JT dying is number one because it was my first big TV death and I’ll never forget it along with Liberty’s blood curdling screams.