#the mouse already really aggravates my hand problems too lol.

[bitegore]

i am going to find out who the person is who decided that a power button that automatically shuts this stupid laptop down when pressed more than once in a row should be located right underneath the backspace button, you know, the key that almost always gets mashed at least three times in quick succession when anyone is fucking typing ever, and then i am going to take everything they fucking love from them

[ikeservant]

Hello!! ^_^ I hope you don’t mind me requesting! I was wondering, how would the Azuchi warlords react to Reader defending her best friend who is being cheated on? Like basically the Reader literally FIGHTS the cheater and the girl he was cheating on the best friend with tries to step in, but Reader fights her too? I’m sorry if this is a bit much, I just love your headcanons and am curious to see how you imagine this xD Thank you! 😚💖

I would definitely throw hands with someone cheating on my best friends. For each of these scenarios the other girl, who was also their friend, knows that the man was dating the reader’s best friend. I always feel bad when the other girl gets beat up on if she didn’t know anything either. I’ve been writing a lot of feisty mc-based content lately and I’m here for it lol XD

Nobunaga-Nobunaga noticed you STOMP in your shared tenshu, putting on your sturdy shoes, and gruffly saying “I’ll be back late.” “What is the problem, fireball?” “My best friend’s boyfriend decided to add another woman into his life, so I’m going to help her subtract a kneecap from his life.”  Nobunaga gives an amused smile to your determination, deciding to give you a bamboo sword and escort you so you or your best friend don’t get into legal trouble. Your best friend shows up and tells you where her ex and ex friend are. You give a swift kick through the door, breaking it. “Oh it seems that you forgot to invite us to the dinner date. Now apologize to my bestie OR ELSE.” Enraged, the man stomps towards you to try to shove you out, but you sweep the bamboo sword directly to his knee, forcing him to kneel. “APOLOGIZE.” The other girl had the audacity to step in, saying “He did nothing wrong! He loves me more than her.” You see RED after that, stomping to her and smacking her, “and how could YOU do this to your friend? You are utter scum! APOLOGIZE” *smacks her on leg to put her on her knees*. As the man got up, ready to try to restrain you, Nobunaga decided to make his presence known. “Everybody settle down. We are going to settle this in a civilized manner. I had a talk with (best friend) and totaled up the damage you need to repay to her. She’s had to call off work several days to care for you when you got sick, so you shall repay her with those lost wages.” “I can’t pay that back right now!” “Then you must get working.” Nobunga gave a haughty smirk, setting the fear of god in the man’s soul before he reluctantly agrees. After making sure your friend got home safely and Nobunaga and you walked home, Nobunaga praised you for your fiery attitude and how it made his heart ignite. (lets say you two might get heated in another way when you get home).

Hideyoshi- He went into town looking for you after getting off his shift early, wanting to see if he could help you with shopping. However, he witnessed you consoling your best friend at the tea shop. “Where is he? We’re going to settle this and make sure he gets the point.” You stand up, slamming your hands on the table, eyes filled with rage. Hideyoshi walked over, asking what is going on. After you explained that you were going to kick the cheater’s ass and make him apologize, Hide was alarmed cuz he did NOT want you to get into an fight and get hurt. “I agree what he did was awful but do you think there is another way that won’t result in a physical fight?” “No.” He sighed, but little did he know that the cheater and his other lady, who was a friend of you and your bestie, were walking towards the tea shop. As soon as you noticed, you paced on over, Hideyoshi going after you to make sure you don’t get hurt. “Oh so you’re okay to cheat in broad daylight? Then you should be okay with getting your arm dislocated in broad daylight.” You quickly pulled his arm out of socket, causing him to shout. “Hey you’re taking this too far!” the other woman said. “Oh I think you took things too far when you slept with your friend’s man.” The woman tried shoving you, you grabbed her wrists and pulled her in to ram your head into hers, knocking her to the ground.” The man rose up and grabbed his knife to try to get at you, but Hideyoshi swiftly kneed him in the gut, a glare in his eyes. “Betraying the trust of your woman is despicable, but you trying to lay a hand on (reader) is the worst thing you could’ve done. You will be charged for attempted assault with a weapon on an unarmed woman.” After the altercation and making sure your best friend is okay, Hideyoshi let out a weary sigh. “Never do that again.” “I will stop if men stop cheating. I’m glad I’ll never have to beat you up.” *cue Hide blush cuz you trust him that much*

Ieyasu- Ieyasu knew you were HEATED that your friend’s man was a two timing cheater, but he didn’t know you had malicious rage pent up. As you and Ieyasu went into the neighborhood to deliver medication, you bump into the cheater and the former friend. “Oh its you, (reader). What are you doing here?” he asked snidely. “Oh I’m here to deliver cream to help with your guys’ herpes. They say filthy cheaters get the worst genital warts.” Ieyasu is internally proud of your sass. “Tch stop playing as your friend’s bodyguard. She’s not worth it.” That was met with a swift punch to the jugular. “Hey back off!” the other lady stepped in, shoving you back, which was met with a jab to the nose. “I think you made your point. Lets move on.” Satisfied, you started walking away until the cheater got up, “You bit-“, Ieyasu covered his mouth, a cold glare daring him to continue, which led to the cheater and woman cowering away. “Thanks for stepping in. I still wish they got more punishment.” “I may have thrown a laxative pill in his mouth when I covered his mouth. By accident.” Your devious smile shined, “Did I ever tell you I love you.” “Sh-shut up, we have deliveries to make.”

Masamune- Eating sweet buns at the tea shop, you both were on a date when you noticed your best friend’s man with your other friend. Observing suspiciously, you saw them giggling and then they kissed. It was CLEAR what was going on and you were ready to expose his ass. “You look like a cat ready to pounce? What do you see?” “I found a tomcat sneaking around and it looks like this tomcat needs to get neutered.” You walked up to their table as they were giggling. “Haha! What’s so funny guys?” “Hey how about you mind your own business. Nobody’s gotta get hurt in this if you pretend you didn’t see anything.” “If you have the audacity to cheat where the whole world can see, then let the world see me squash your manhood.” You stomped right on his man bits. As he was cowering, Masamune was HOWLING with laughter, enjoying every moment of his kitten unleashing her rage. “You just have to take everything too far, huh?” the other girl piped up. “Not as far as you did in the betraying your best friend department.” You stomped on her hand, causing her to shriek. “That was for (best friend).” As you straightened yourself to walk away, you threatened them to stay away from your best friend or else they’d get more damage. Masamune offered them a toothy grin. As you guys walked away, he was laughing and praising you, thinking that was the coolest and hottest thing he’s seen you do.

Mitsuhide- You knew he’d point out all of the flaws of your plan if you brought up your rage and determination to get back at your best friend’s cheating boyfriend, but little did you know he already knew and was one step ahead of you. When you entered where the cheater worked, Mitsuhide was already waiting outside the place. Before you could walk away, he stopped you. “I know what you’re going to say, Mitsuhide but-“ “You think I’m here to stop you? Heaven’s no. Little innocent me is just going to give an ‘honest’ testimony in case he tries to press charges.” You smiled at him before entering the shop, where only he and the other woman were there, giggling. “Wow a lot of the stuff here is cheap, just like you two.” “I think I upgraded. If you were dating (best friend) you would’ve left he-“ before he could finish, you grabbed a metal bar and swung it right at his ribs, knocking the air out of him. “Don’t even think about it, you backstabber” you grabbed the other woman’s arm before she could take a swing at you, hitting her with the bar, making her fall down. As the man was still heaving, Mitsuhide all of the sudden appeared in front of him. “Oh my what is going on? You two are gaining up on an innocent woman?” “What? No! She attacked us! She has a weapon, we don’t!” “Oh really, then why do you have a dagger in your hand?” “I don’t have a-“ he looked down at the store dagger Mitsuhide planted in his hand while he was on the ground. “Assaulting a customer, especially after being charged twice in your record for aggravated assault? This isn’t going to look good on your record. Neither for you or your accomplice.” As you and Mitsuhide began walking away, the man shouted “You deceivers!” “Takes one to know one, dick nips. Unless you want to be thrown in prison, we can let this all slide as long as you never disturb my best friend. Got that?” He reluctantly nodded his head. Mitsuhide was very impressed his little mouse could be a devious genius. Wants to tag team for revenge schemes and make out with you more than before.

Mitsunari- You were walking with Mitsunari at the market when your best friend comes running to you crying. She explains that she saw her man making out with one of her other friends in an alleyway, fleeing the scene before they saw her. You wanted to stomp on them SO BAD, so you sat down your favorite strategist and brainstormed where a secret couple would hide out at and surprise them. He deduced the ideal location, which was on the outskirts of town where few frequented. When you saw the cheater, you took off your sandal and chucked it with all your might, hitting him on the back of the head and making him see stars. “Hey back off my man!” the other woman tried stepping in until you took off your other sandal “Don’t worry this sandal has your name on it too.”, chucking it right at her face. “What the hell are you thinking?” the man got up. “I’m thinking how people shouldn’t get away with cheating on their partner and betraying their friend without a price. The price being a beatdown.” Mitsunari just stood there smiling, radiating sunshine and admiration for how cool and brave you were being. You grabbed the man’s kimono, drawing him forward and kneeing him in the tummy, causing him to hunch over in pain. “Next time you hurt my best friend, you’re injuries will be more permanent.” As you walked away, the man tried grabbing your sleeve, but Mitsunari swiftly came in, bending his wrist backwards. “My apologies but if you try touching lady (y/n), you will face consequences”, Mitsunari gave a chilling smile before letting go, grabbing your hand and walking away to find some good books in town with you.

[variety-toaster]

I fucking hate Hanzo, and I hate what he has done to Overwatch.

Ok, so, I’m gonna rant about game balance for a second, and I say some angry swearwords here so if you’re not cool with that, you can just scroll by. Now, I’m not sitting here and getting mad without having a theoretical solution to the problem, so just sit for a second, hear me out, and think about it from the perspective of the healers and tanks this bow-toting fuck-wit hero has shredded within less than a second for just a moment. I’m going to explain the problem, why it’s a problem, and how it could be fixed. If you play on console, this doesn’t really apply to you. Ya’ll are a whole different ballgame than the speed of gameplay that PC reaches. Keep that in mind.

FUCK. HANZO.

He is the singular most UNBALANCED piece of shit in an already suffering game. I hate him so god damn much. The ability to INSTA-KILL is already bullshit outside of ultimates, but he is the fucking WORST with it. He's a "pseudo-sniper" who can do sniper level damage without scoping, which is one thing, but his rework and the lack of balance they’ve applied to it??? FUCK. THAT. NOISE. There is NO reason that a SNIPER should be able to 1-shot at ANY range, and by that I mean close range on top of their already extensive distance options. At least Widow has to scope in, and landing close-range shots is not easy. Ashe, same thing, although her dynamite gives her some options, but she can damage herself with it. Ana is a fucking healer. Hanzo doesnt have to zoom in, and can KILL in 1 FUCKING SHOT from ANY distance. It's BULLSHIT.  His basic attack is a fucking 1-hit KO move. There is ZERO excuse for that shit. He can RAPID FIRE arrows too with Storm Arrow! and they do MASSIVE damage! enemy DPS? full of holes. supports? already dead. Tanks? Dead in < 1 second. Fucking garbage. Ok, yes, you have to aim and shit, yeah, and it takes some amount of skill, but on PC, aiming is a tad-bit fucking easier with a mouse than it is with a controller. He can just spam arrows down a choke and the whole team can get ripped apart! He does loads of damage, and can actually MELT shields! So pushing through chokes is EXTREMELY hard when the rest of the enemy team is firing through their own. On attack, his high mobility makes it easy to drop in behind the healers, rip them apart before they have time to fucking react, and then everyone else can just come barreling through. Yes, counterplay exists in Overwatch. But hard-counters in any game are fucking bullshit and we all know it. Game-balance should allow for characters who are being countered to continue to hold up against their counters to some degree. Because it’s called BALANCE. Meaning they need to be EQUAL, in various ways. The dev team has not been doing that well at all lately, and the game has very much become a game of rock-paper-scissors. It’s not fucking fun. Using skill and teamwork to defeat your opponents in combat fairly is both rewarding and fun. Losing because your teammate is paper when the enemy chose scissors and won’t switch to rock fucking isn’t.

Hanzo isn’t countered by many, if any, heroes. Don’t fucking hand me a list of “Hanzo counters” because we’ve all seen a Hanzo main make that counter-hero look like roadkill with ease. This recreates the “Junkrat double mines” problem we had before. If you recall, when Junkrat was given two landmines in his arsenal, they did massive damage, the moment they hit the opponent. Didn‘t matter how far you were from the explosion, they did the same amount of damage as they would on a direct hit. Now they’ve fixed that, and distance from the center determines damage, but for several months, Junkrat was a highly popular pick, and fighting him... just felt unfair. For everyone. Squishies just popped instantly, and tanks went down without much of a fight.  People left the game altogether out of frustration with the lack of balance. Fighting him wasn’t fair, and there wasn’t much you could do to stop him without some serious teamwork. It wasn’t fun to fight him. People would just leave games altogether when the enemy had a Junkrat. I watched it happen. A quick comment in the chat saying “Junk is fucking bullshit” and “[player] left the game”. It was consistent, too.

Hanzo... is just that, again. It’s not fun to fight against him. There’s no real way to stop him. He’s become really popular because of this, and the more he’s played, the more skilled people become, and while yes, more skill means greater reward for any hero, it also means more unfair insta-kills on heroes who cant do anything about it, unable to fight back, in every game. It’s not fun. It just isn’t.

This isn’t helping balance changes to other heroes either.

Healers and tanks are still only seeing minor changes and adjustments (mostly nerfs), and DPS heroes are getting buffed left and right, just to put them at the same broken fucking level as Hanzo.

Maybe it’s more of the balance changes being made entirely based on the OWL, which was already a goddamn problem (very small percentage of players of extremely high skill causing devs to make gameplay changes that drastically effect everyone else), because my theory is maybe they’re trying to make games move faster, so making DPS kill everything faster while the killcam looks great for the OWL cameras... But that’s just a personal theory, and it’s probably not that.

Hanzo is continuing to be a fucking problem, and playing Overwatch, even in quickplay, where I should be able to enjoy the game casually for fun, has become frustrating. It’s not fun to die in one shot because you stepped one millimeter around a corner, or because your tank’s shield broke in a shorter time than it takes your Guardian Angel ability (as an example, since it has a 1.5 second cooldown) to recharge.

Yes, there ARE other heroes who can oneshot. Doomfist is fucking annoying, yes, I’ve heard that plenty. But at the very least, there are ways to stop Doomfist. Stuns and boops affect Doomfist, because he physically has to be in close range. Hanzo can tear you apart at ANY distance. Those things aren’t effective if you’ve already taken just one arrow and died, or if your healers have been wiped out because he climbed over a wall, and stuck a few rapid fire shots at point-blank range into their skulls.

It’s not fair, and it’s not balanced. There’s no way to kill Hanzo in a way that matters. He’ll just come right back to rip your team a new one every time. At the very least you can take a Doomfist down a few notches by being more careful, and swapping to heroes who can keep him from breaking your face. Hanzo can just... change his distance, and keep killing you. A lot of that has to do with his way-increased fire rate and projectile speed. His damage is way more consistent, and nothing else was brought down to make up for this sudden increase in overall damage output during his rework.

It’s not about skill.

“Oh I kill Hanzo-mains all the time, it’s not that hard. Just get good.” Then you haven’t been paying attention. Maybe you don’t see it, but your healers see it, and your tanks see it. Because if you’re killing Hanzo “with ease,” you’re playing DPS, and I told you at the beginning to consider it from the perspective of the other classes.

He could EASILY be balanced, that's the worst part. It would be so simple yet so effective. He’s a sniper. Reverse damage drop-off. For everyone else, the farther an attack has to travel, the less damage it does, with a few exceptions for certain heroes. This is called Damage Drop-off. Hanzo could be balanced by having the opposite applied to his attacks. The CLOSER he is to his opponent, the less damage he does. It would force the SNIPER to actually be a fucking SNIPER. It’s a simple, yet effective strategy. No more walking through Orisa’s shield to shoot her in the face. No more hopping around through Rien’s barrier to fill him full of arrows. He’d have to put some distance, and focus on his aim. It would make him require MORE SKILL, since while he still does massive damage from  distance, he can’t scope in. He can still defend himself close range with storm arrow and lord knows his wall-hacking sonic arrow could alert him to danger. He literally has a “jump away” lunge ability. He’d be fine, playing as a sniper like he was intended. He can still shoot and look around without being scoped in. Flankers will have just as hard a time getting in his face as before, except now, they might stand a fucking chance without having to have like a thousand hours on Genji or Tracer, and I don’t know, counter him in some way. Game balance is so crucial to the enjoyment of a game like Overwatch, and it has been WAY TOO LONG that this Hanzo rework has gone overlooked by the devs. 

If it isn’t fun to play AGAINST a hero, it shouldn’t be fun to PLAY that hero. The goal of a game is to have fun, but it’s not fun when you get sent to the spawn room 8 times in a row no matter what your rank is or how long you’ve been playing. It’s frustrating, and it’s one of the issues people aren’t articulating when they talk about how winning in Overwatch doesn’t feel like a victory and losing feels aggravating, and leaves you in a sour mood, even though you’re just... playing a game.

But hey, that’s my personal idea as to how to fix this hero. I’d love to hear your ideas too! I’ve had a lot of people I’ve talked about this with tell me they’d rather the devs bring back old Hanzo with the scatter arrow than leave him how he is right now. What do you think? Do you agree with my idea, or maybe the return of Scatter Hanzo? Or maybe you have another idea? Constructive criticism is totally welcome here, or feel free to just let me know if you agree or disagree. However, if your response is something like “lol umad?” or “he’s balanced. shut up.” (without any real argument) kindly fuck off. Thanks so much for reading! Have a nice day! (drink water or something, btw)