#the norms are here too yey

[wendibird]

SPN 15X14 Observations

So, for whatever dumbass reason, when trying to use my actual television, the cable refuses to work properly 8 times out of 10. BUT I was able to stream tonight’s episode on my computer with my cable network’s app. So, there’s that. Because of that, and since it’s easier for me to type on my keyboard than on my phone, I actually took quick notes and observations during commercial breaks. Here are those, then some more of my thoughts following. (And I’m sorry if any of these seem a bit incoherent. They were more my observations to myself. *LOL*  

(everything else under the keep reading line since I got a bit rambly, and just in case anyone wants to avoid spoilers)

- Brothers being written a bit like characters of themselves rather than just themselves. (trying too hard?)

- Love Mrs. Butters. Actress really good. And the minor ret-con works with what we've seen.

- Sam more concerned about Jack. I think he understands him better, even though he hasn't seen much of him.

- "Ignoring your trauma doesn't make you healthy." (or something like that.) Good quote!

- Waiting for the catch.

- "Enjoy the world you're fighting for." (compare with Kevin's similar line: "I can't enjoy a world I need to save.")

- Mrs. Butters knows Jack isn't human.

- BOY did the shoe drop! But it was Sinclaire involved. Not surprised he took advantage of her natural protective nature.

- Wanted more plot for WHY exactly they still have Thor's Hammer. Have they had it this whole time? Last we saw Sam dropped it in 8X2. Or did Mrs. Butters conjure it up because they might need it? Was cool though that Sam was using it. Because we already know he can.

- Jack figured out on his own how to use the projector. (love that boy!)

- liked hearing him talk about what happened with Mary and how he feels.

- Mrs. Butters knows from experience about needing "second chances" I think.

- Why were they ALWAYS wearing the same clothes during the "We got one!" montages? Assuming it was supposed to have taken place over several days at least if not longer. (I highly doubt they went out on THAT many hunts in one day.)

- Yeeeah... So I get she's protective, but JACK IS BABY! She can clearly see his power levels but she has to have seen how he he actually IS? But she gave him the smoothies from the start, so she's been planning it from almost the start. Hrm.

- idk what anyone else says, I'm thrilled that Sam and Eileen had a date. Also, THIS is where that sweater-vest comes from. Bet we'll see him going for his gun too. (That clip was hotly debated in one of the discord servers I’m on)

- Dean is obviously still having some issues with Jack, but he also seems to know that they're his personal issues and he knows that Jack is good. (Expanding on this thought post episode, I was seeing this as Dean recognizing the difference between what he knows and what he’s feeling. So, yey! Personal growth!)

- DEAN JACK IS NOT A BATTERING RAM!!!

- Dean sees Jack as a weapon. He used him as a battering ram. He'll use him as a grenade to throw at Chuck. (More on this after the notes.)

- Sam sees him as a person. His argument was that Jack was someone he cared about. That killing him would HURT him.

- Also, did they HAVE to go for the fingernails again?!

- Poor Sam, getting tortured. And being the "favorite" of something bad.

- Also, SAM WAS RIGHT! To be cautious of her at first. Too many times he's had things/people seem good and turn out opposite.

- And because Dean had decided it was all okay, they both stopped looking up on her.

- Maybe Sam will realize that he doesn't always have to follow Dean's lead. He can pursue his own paths. (Not talking about them separating. Just, if he wants to look into something, he should do it. If he wants to follow a different lead, he should check it out.)

- I know he lost a lot of confidence last season but I hope he realizes that he doesn't by default make bad decisions.

- Okay, that was a good resolution. I'm glad she's going back to her people.

- Interdimensional geoscope: Dean saw nothing. Because ALL the other universes are gone. *sad-face*

- Love Sam and Jack. Wish we got a bit more. But it was something.

- Also love that Dean tried. That felt real to me. (the birthday cake)

More thoughts! 

So. Overall I liked this episode. It was lighthearted mostly, but touched on some serious topics and wasn’t completely disconnected with what is going on with everyone, despite the random holiday montage. *LOL* (Yes, I know she wasn’t bending time or anything, she was just choosing to celebrate some holidays with her boys regardless of when this is all taking place exactly.) It did feel a bit to me, at the start anyway, like the writing at least was trying too hard to “Sound like Sam and Dean” instead of just them being them. I mentioned that at the start but what I mean is, in this season especially (but not exclusively) I’ve noticed a lot of times where it feels to me like the writing/directing/whatever leads to the sum total of what we see is trying too hard to present this idea of who the characters are, like caricatures of them. The things associated with them get emphasized, sometimes out of proportion. Though in this episode, it only felt like that during the opening scene and maybe a few places elsewhere. Overall I thought the writing and especially the acting on the parts of the main 3 guys and the guest actor were well done and had a lot of nuance when needed. Like, as an example, when Sam and Dean sussed out that this being that they didn’t even know was a bit behind the times, they were actually pretty gentle with bringing her up to speed. And her reaction to realizing that everyone she knew before was dead felt very real. 

I liked what we saw of where each of the characters were emotionally this episode. It was the first one after Jack has been re-souled and it had definitely been weighing on my mind how everyone was doing. (Though I REALLY wish we could have actually seen Sam and Dean’s reactions to Jack tearfully begging their forgiveness last episode. But lacking any other input, I’m headcannoning that Sam gave him a very long, warm hug.)  

I also agree with Sam, I think there’s something more that Jack hasn’t told them yet, probably some details about Billy’s plan that he or her are sure the brothers won’t like. (Now, what exactly that could be is very much up in the air. I can think of quite a few options, but the details aren’t really important to me just now. Just the fact that something about it is weighing on Jack. More than just Mary’s death and the prospect of having to kill God. Which, in and of themselves would be more than enough.) 

Speaking of Sam, I liked that we saw all those little nods to how he feels about Jack, how he’s still worried about him, and seems to understand him. 

I also get where Dean’s coming from. And I thought it was well-portrayed. And let me just say, I am GLAD that he just outright told Jack where he was at. He didn’t sugarcoat it, but he also didn’t blow up at him, or reply with sarcasm or bring up other, unrelated stuff. Dean knows that Jack is trying, but he himself has some emotional stuff he needs to deal with. That he is dealing with. And it’s going to take him some time. 

I do however stand by my observation made during the episode that at least at that point in it, Dean considered Jack a weapon. An asset. He literally used him as a battering ram, and in a more meta way, he’s planning on using him as a grenade to throw at God. Even when arguing with Mrs. B about it, his response was in reference to Jack’s usefulness. Whereas Sam was arguing that Jack meant something to him, that he cared about him, and hurting Jack would hurt him. Now, I do think that Dean’s POV had shifted a bit by the very end. Dean’s love language has almost always been shown by doing things for people, and taking care of them. So him making that birthday cake for Jack really felt to me like him trying to tell him that he does actually care about him. And I think Jack got it. And true, the cake might not have been as neat and pretty as Mrs. B would have made it, but I thought it was beautiful because of all the thought that went into it. (Dean’s more of a cook than a baker too.) 

As a side note, something I thought about after the episode: when Mrs. B stepped in, she kind of took over that care-taker role. AND the research role. She made them lunches, cooked them dinners, decorated for holidays, and overall made them feel comfortable and safe. And she also pin-pointed where monsters were and made sure they were all stocked-up and ready to go. All they had to do was show up and get it done. And yeah, it must have been a nice break from the norm. But I also think about how much Dean finds his identity beyond hunting in taking care of people. And how much Sam finds his identity in researching and figuring things out. And with her doing that, they both took it easy on those ends. Dean didn’t have to make burgers for everyone since Mrs. B made a roast. Sam didn’t have to research since she could tell them where the monsters were and what kind. I almost wonder if both of them were starting to feel like those parts of themselves were all of a sudden unnecessary. (Which makes me a little sad, because it reminds me a bit of the “two cakes” concept in fandom. Who cares if someone else can “do it better”? If you do it, then there’ll be even more of the good thing!)  And as I observed above, Sam also stopped looking into HER. I mean, he didn’t even know what would kill a wood nymph. And I do think part of that also goes back to him having recently fallen back on letting Dean make the big decisions. Because last season so many of his blew up in his face. (Though I don’t think most of that was his fault. But Sam tends to blame himself for a lot.) And I do hope that maybe he’ll remember that he does have good instincts when he listens to them. And he can keep looking into something even if Dean thinks it’s fine. It’s not a betrayal to be prepared. 

ALSO! Being the absolute Saileen hoe that I am, even though we didn’t Eileen in this episode, I was thrilled that Sam went out on a date with her because she was in town! And true, we don’t know what all went down, but regardless, I see it as good that they’re at the very least still friends, and that hopefully Eileen is sorting out her own feelings vs whatever she might think could be Chuck’s manipulations. Even if Saileen isn’t Engame (and honestly, as much as I love it, I don’t think it will be) I would still like for them to be on good terms with each other. (And for her to NOT get fridged again!) 

Another thing I was pondering afterwards and a bit during: I wasn’t surprised that Sam held up to the torture fairly well. I mean, it still obviously hurt! (And again, WHY with the fingernails again?! As someone in one of my discord servers mentioned, we didn’t need THAT particular call-back to the Christmas Episode of Season 3!) But he was listening to what she was saying. And he understood the implications that she had been tortured into acting how they wanted her to act. And Sam understands torture, and how it can mess someone up. And despite what she had done to him, and was trying to still do, he validated what she had been through. He empathized with her. And that.... it’s just SO Sam! 

I will say that the resolution felt a little... abrupt. Like, her expression had changed a little during the fight/argument. Then back from the commercial break and she’s all packed-up and ready to leave and they’re all saying goodbye and wishing her well. I feel like there might have been some more scenes or parts of scenes that were originally there connecting things up more, but were cut for time.

I wouldn’t say this was a groundbreaking episode, but it WAS fun, and it did have some seriousness at it’s core, and I think it did what it needed to do. 

(And I apologize if this is just a big rambling mess. I’m not used to doing structured episode reviews. *LOL* Feedback and opinions are welcome though!) 

[rosezure]

Songbird 3 - Firey

Songbird - Chapter 3

A/N: This chapter is more of a filler. But, it does involve a certain 🔥asshole🔥 getting knocked out. So, yey? I guess? Anyways, hope y’all enjoy it.

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the BNHA/MHA universe, nor its characters. This work is intended for entertainment purposes only. My own characters are, however, of my creation.

Content warning: yelling, fights, tattoos, minor violence, swearing. Please, let me know if I’ve forgotten anything!

Summary | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2

"Someone infiltrated HPSC two nights ago."

"Did the intruders take anything?"

 "The higher-ups aren't sure."

 "Do you think it was a group of villains?"

 "We shouldn't be talking about this... Especially not here..." 

Tomura Shigaraki heard the whispers of the guards outside his cell. He smirked, wondering how long it would take for him to get out of there. Judging by the recent events, either it was a new group looking to take those arrogant heroes down or, his old comrades were up to something. 

The news that the all-powerful HPSC had its walls penetrated somehow spread like a celebrity's scandal. The atmosphere was heavy, unstable. Workers struggled to feel safe within the walls of the agency for the first time since its creation. Unrest was the new norm. 

Keigo was shaken. Yes, he hated the Commission with a passion. But they were a law enforcement organization. They were supposed to be the epitome of safety and stability in society. Hell, it had been his first stable home once.

But why were they openly talking about it? In Keigo's experience, the Hero Commission had always kept things lowkey. They were pretty adamant in hiding his past and Endeavor's wrongdoings. Why were they basically advertising that their security system was breached? 

What game was the Hero Public Safet Commission playing?

Keigo's eyes narrowed as he watched the news in the teachers' room. Aizawa sat next to him, sipping on some tea. The older hero knew what game it was: diversion. He knew the agency was dirty and corrupt. Someone was probably trying to expose them; this was the president's attempt to vilify the perpetrator before they got the upper hand.

"They're trying to make sure civilians take their side," Aizawa answered Keigo's unasked question. The blonde turned to him with wide eyes.

"That would make sense," He scratched the stubble on his chin, "They're dirtier than the Yakuza..." Keigo trailed off, unsure if he should be unpacking this in such a public setting. He looked at his colleague, anticipating his reaction.

"You can say that again," Aizawa Shota dared to scoff and continue to sip his tea, as though he had just confirmed some mundane gossip.

The two left it at that, with Keigo going as far as turning off the TV just before two other teachers walked in. Ryo and Hizashi were gossiping about the new foreign teacher.

"I bet she can help me with some musical activities for my students," Hizashi clapped his hands in excitement. "Everyone knows learning another language is tons more fun when music is involved!" He raised a finger in the air, wiggling his eyebrows.

"I heard she has a healing-type quirk," Ryo growled, "Maybe she can help Recovery Girl, too. Though no one really knows how her quirk actually works. Nezu wouldn't tell me a single detail." The counselor scowled.

"Aizawa! Hawks!" Hizashi beamed when he noticed the two.

"It's Keigo," The young man corrected with a polite smile.

"Right! I keep forgetting you told the Commission to suck it and started using your first name!" The loud man chuckled. "GOOD FOR YOU!" He cheered a little too loudly for the others in the room.

"So..." Keigo tried to sound casual and unconcerned, "What do you know about this new chick?"

"Keigo," Ryo's gruff voice sounded teasing, "Are you perhaps... Curious?" His teasing smirk broke through, making Keigo get defensive quickly. Ryo took a seat next to him.

"What?! No!" He cursed himself for replying so fast.

"Don't bother hiding it," Aizawa advised as he got up to put his teacup in the sink. "Ryo can read pretty much everyone. And he's hardly ever wrong so, just be honest."

"Okay, yeah, I'm curious." Keigo slumped in his seat, crossing his arms.

"Boy, me too! Nezu is being so secretive, and I'm itching to meet her!" Hizashi added, grabbing a cup of coffee and sitting next to Aizawa at the round table.

"Do you think she speaks Japanese? Or will she have a translator with her at all times? I heard her people speak something called Tupi-"

"Hizashi, I'm sure she speaks Japanese." Aizawa placed a hand on the blonde's shoulder. 

Hizashi squinted. "How do you know?"

"I've met her once."

This statement caused a commotion. Indignant cries of "why didn't you tell us!" and "you sneaky bastard!" sounded throughout the room. Aizawa sighed. He should've kept his mouth shut.

"Now you have to tell us everything!" Aizawa doesn't remember the last time Ryo looked so curious.

"Fine, but only if you all shut up!" He grumbled, already rubbing at his face in frustration. The three nodded excitedly. They unconsciously scooted closer, causing Aizawa to groan in the back of his throat. He really should've kept his mouth shut.

"I met her about five years ago. It was around the Emperor's birthday celebrations. The Queen of Pindorama was visiting for diplomatic reasons. A few days before the birthday ceremony, the Prime Minister invited some pro-heroes and Her Majesty to an informal dinner." Aizawa recounted, trying not to cringe at the memory of his etiquette mistakes. The other three men listened closely, doe eyes trained on him.

"I guess it was a show of the alliance the two countries had recently formed. Pindorama had some supplies Japan could use, I think. I'm not sure about the politics. But I do remember it was a recent union, and the Prime Minister was ecstatic about it." Aizawa shrugged. "Anyways, that's when I first met her-"

"FIRST?!" Hizashi's voice boomed, interrupting Aizawa's story. This earned him a hush from the other two. "Sorry!" He whisper-yelled, gesturing for Shota to continue. He rolled his eyes and cleared his throat.

"It was the first time I saw her. The Prime Minister introduced us all. All Might was definitely there, and I think so was Endeavor. There were some other Tokyo-based heroes too, but I don't remember who they were. After we finished our introductions, the Queen introduced the officials she'd brought with her. In Pindorama, they don't have heroes. They're called champions there, and they serve the Queen and the people.

"I remember feeling intimidated by them. I was a pro, so I felt ridiculous. But thinking back to that day, I'm not sure how I managed to stand straight in front of them. They were all very tall, muscular, and stoic. You could feel power emanate from them-"

"Never pegged you as the poetic, descriptive type, Shota," Hizashi snickered behind his hand, teasing the raven-haired man. Ryo quietly slapped him up the head. Hizashi made a noise of protest but quickly realized he had interrupted the story. Again.

"Anyways," Aizawa gave Hizashi a warning stare, "They looked lethal. But on the Queen's right stood a young girl. She was maybe a few inches over five feet. She was all-around small and fragile looking. I could see the other heroes think the same: what was a small teen like her doing with a group of strong champions?"

"Okay, I promise this is a valid interruption," Hizashi raised his hands up defensively, "Why was a supposed young healer doing at a demonstration that included the country's top pro-heroes?" He raised an eyebrow.

"That's actually a pretty good question," Keigo admitted, "But I bet it was to heal the injuries of the heroes if they got any." He uncrossed his arms, placing his elbows on the table. He put his face between his palms, looking at Aizawa expectantly. 

"I think Keigo is right," Ryo huffed.

"I was getting to that," Aizawa closed his eyes and sighed. "Maybe I should resume the story some other time."

"NO!" The three chorused. Aizawa's right eye twitched. "Fine. But get me a cup of water. I'm parched." 

Hizashi was fast to get up and fetch a glass of icy-cold water. He set it down in front of Aizawa with a blinding smile.

"As I was saying, we were all kind of questioning her presence. She seemed way too weak to be at the Queen's side so protectively. Man, were we wrong. We had a few friendly duels. The Prime Minister and the Queen sat at the side of the makeshift arena we were all in. I was matched with a man with long straight white hair and gray eyes. He took off his shirt to fight me, and when I tell you, I could barely see his skin under all those tattoos..." Aizawa seemed engrossed as he narrated the details.

"Most of the duels ended in a tie. Only Endeavor and the girl were left. He seemed extremely hesitant to fight such a tiny teenager, but the Prime Minister was right there. Endeavor didn't have a choice, so he tried to be as careful as he could. But she just stood there, barely moving as she evaded his attacks."

"You're telling me Mrs. Smalls was toying the Endeavor?" Hizashi giggled in delight.

Aizawa shrugged. "Pretty much, yeah."

Keigo smirked. Months ago, he would've paid to see his idol fighting a foreigner. But now? Oh, he'd pay good money to see the young girl play around with Enji Todoroki. 

"He noticed that, too. You could just see his eyes glaring. He was getting frustrated and angry. Endeavor probably felt humiliated, which made him even more aggravated. Finally, after minutes of taunting him, he broke. He sent a sizeable flame ball her way." Aizawa bit his lip to prevent himself from laughing at the memory.

Endeavor had been sweating. This tiny girl was making him sweat, and all she was doing was evading his attacks. After seeing how easily she deflected his strikes, Endeavor started increasing the power behind his flames. But she just continued smiling and barely moving out of the way.

The exasperation painting his face red was humoring her. He was her little toy, and they both knew it. Fuck, even the Prime Minister and the Queen could see it. But Endeavor wouldn't allow her to win without even using her quirk. He could tell she was holding back. This made him even more furious.

He prepared the strongest fireball he could create in those circumstances and threw it directly at her. The flames seemed to hit their target this time. But, when they cleared out, there was no one there.

"Oi! I'm up here!" A feminine voice yelled above them, in Japanese. Endeavor slowly looked up, and there she was: hovering, blindingly-white wings fluttering behind her. 

The girl was smirking down at him, and Endeavor really lost it. He flew up into the air as he prepared a massive attack to hit her. This time, she wouldn't be able to escape. Her wings would succumb to the heat of his flames, and he'd win his match.

"Except he didn't." Aizawa chuckled lightly, "The girl was too cunning. She predicted his pattern of attacks and flew in his direction. She took him out with a calculated punch to the side of his face."

"She knocked Endeavor out of the sky?!" Keigo squawked, baffled by what he was hearing. A tiny teen K.Oed his former idol and top hero.

"Yeah, she did," Aizawa sighed, crossing his arms, "But she managed to catch him before he fell and carefully placed him down. She even bowed to his unconscious body. It was both hilarious and terrifying."

"Oh, I like her already!" Ryo growled in approval. 

"Same!" Hizashi bellowed with laughter, bending himself.

"So she's tiny, fast, smart, and has white retractable wings." Keigo listed off, removing his face from his hands.

"Yeah, that's her." Aizawa nodded. 

"Anything else we should note?" Hizashi gave him a toothy grin and wiggled his eyebrows.

"Actually, yes," Aizawa stood up, "Her eyes. I've never seen colder eyes in my life." With that, he strolled out of the room.

The other three groaned, knowing they'd be left in their curious state. Leave it to Aizawa to make a dramatic exit with a cliffhanger.

"Why did I bother with stealth if they were supposed to find out, Santos?" Asa hissed at the man on her phone's screen.

"Because you didn't want to get caught!" He rolled his eyes, "And mind your attitude. You'll be a teacher and nurse in just a few hours. Try to seem approachable at least."

"I am not here to be buddy-buddy with a bunch of wannabe teen champions." Asa's fist collided with the armrest of her seat.

"You are there representing her Majesty, the Queen of Pindorama. You. Will. Behave. Accordingly." Santos slapped both hands on his desk, his voice booming through the speakers.

Asa huffed, crossing her legs and arms.

"I'll try. For my Queen." Asa smiled sarcastically.

"Drop the acid," Santos sighed in frustration, "Look, Asa. If they publicize about it, it means they're covering something up. This means your mission served its purpose." His hands gestured the sequence of thoughts.

"To confirm the Prime Minister's suspicions on how transparent the agency really is." Asa realized as she uncrossed her arms. "Okay, that makes sense. I guess I'm just sensitive due to the jetlag. Now, can you explain why I had to leave so abruptly if I wasn't due at the academy till tomorrow?" She asked, her tone softer.

"To divert." Santos sat back into his chair, tension leaving his shoulders. 

"Yeah, makes sense." Asa looked down at her boots. She felt drained.

"Asa, are you okay?" Santos frowned, sensing her unease.

"Am I ever?" She joked with a sad smile. 

Becoming a healer wasn't something she looked forward to. She still heard her tribe's cries almost every night. How would she handle remembering and learning about them? What if her quirk had vanished? 

Sensing her fear, Santos called her name softly. Asa looked back up to the screen and took a deep breath to calm herself.

"This will be good for you. There won't be any nosy royal healers forcing you to train your quirk. You won't have to write reports on your wings' condition. You'll learn on your own, at your pace." Santos offered a kind smile, a rarety.

"Thank you, San," Asa smiled back, "I'll be landing soon. Once I get settled, I'll message you and Caique. Tell him I said hi, please?" She uncrossed her legs, moving closer to the screen.

"Of course," Santos nodded, "Oh! Her Majesty wants to say hello!" He excitedly turned the camera to the monarch.

"Hi, my darling!" The Queen waved excitedly. Asa laughed softly, finding it funny how carefree the Queen could be.

"Hello, Your Majesty! I miss home already," Asa pouted.

"You know you don't have to be formal when you're not uniformed, Asa!" The Queen playfully scolded.

"Right, I forgot!" Asa giggled, "I miss you, mother." She sighed softly, her shoulders sagging.

"Take a nap, my love. You should be landing soon. We'll talk again in a few days." Queen Yeba shooed Asa, making her laugh.

"Okay, okay!" Asa waved. "I'll see you soon!" They bid their goodbyes and ended the call. 

Asa put her things away and settled into her seat. The plane would be landing in about six hours. After that, she was going to be on Japanese soil. Many things crossed her mind as she prepared to sleep. But one particular thought made her smirk almost evilly: Maybe she'd reencounter a certain hot-headed and arrogant hero. And this time, she wouldn't play nice.

Chapter 4

[awkwardbisexualaesthetic]

alex strangelove thoughts

Just watched Alex Strangelove and like... I wanted to like it... I really did. God knows we need more LGBTQ+ content (and I’m grateful that Netflix quite often provides that). But... it was just... really disappointing. so I’m gonna try get my thoughts down. feel free to ignore me... oh and SPOILERS

Issue 1: this movie doesn’t understand what the words it uses mean

Like one of the first references to anything outside of what’s seen as the ‘norm’ in terms of sexual/gender identities is a joke about polyamory being an ‘experiment’ that kids are trying (which is already shitty enough representation) and a girl says it when listing the possible orientations her gay male friend could have that would mean she has a chance with him... like... even if he was polyamorous he’s still gay, dude... I don’t think you get what polyamory means... More on this issue later

Issue 2: the treatment of bisexuality

there’s all this build up of Alex liking girls and then liking guys too (even the movie poster is him between and guy and a girl looking at him with a big ol’ question mark heart thing - way to get the bisexuals’ interest!) and he even comes out as bi and I was like ‘oooh bi representation yey!’ only to have his friend laugh that off and go on a rant about all the different sexualities that people have ‘now’ and tell Alex that he simply can’t be bi. Which would be fine if it was showing how people react to bisexuality (because some people do react like that so it’s realistic) and then have Alex struggle with his friend’s lack of acceptance or something but instead it turns out that - whoops - Alex was just being silly after all - of course he’s not bi - he just said that as an escape route so he didn’t have to have sex with his girlfriend (which, again, not understanding definitions here, movie, like him being bi wouldn’t generally stop him wanting sex with women...). And then it turns out he’s gay anyway and bisexuality just isn’t mentioned again? like it’s a... phase... ugh.

And yeah I know that some gay people id as bi before coming out as gay and that’s totally cool, that’s their journey and that’s valid! but when the only rep of bisexuality in a film is one guy iding as it only for it to turn into a joke about panic! at the disco before being written off then... hmm...

Issue 3: that fucking speech Alex’s friend does

Like that little speech about different genders and sexualities was so similar to the shit that right-wing arseholes go on about when they’re trying to dismiss trans (and especially nb) identities that it actually hurt to listen to. And YES again I know that this is a realistic representation of how some people will react but the fact that he wasn’t called out on it and then was proven to be right about Alex not being bi was just... kinda gross. And the ultimate punchline of him turning to another student and saying ‘do you like vagina or dick’, the student replying with ‘i’m attracted to the person’, and then him saying ‘whatever the fuck that means’ was just... not funny? Like loads of bi and pan people id that way (I fucking do!) it’s really not that hard to get your head round... especially when the movie mentions bi and pan people previously... but then this bit comes around and, once again, movie, we seem to be having issues with our definitions of anything other than gay and straight...

I dunno maybe I’m being too harsh but like I just watched it and I have a lot of feelings and if I can’t rant on this bloody website then what can i do?? Sorry, I’ll go be angry and bisexual (whatever that means, right, movie?!) elsewhere

[keenregine]

Stoicism, kind of.

Lost my freaking mojo in writing ever since, uhhh I don't remember. Although I'd always wanted to write, just simply didn't give an effin fuck and let it be. But the endless thoughts doesn't stop there.

Didn't see it coming (at any point of my life, like ever) that someday, I would finally love drinking coffee. Believe me when I say "love", I would elaborate in a few minutes of your time. Hold on tight. Typical Regine always want to try something new, because she's bored with her life. Typical Regine always curious about what other people are so raving about, because she wants to rave too. And typical Regine, always starts with trial and error, but mostly errors. But ugh, what the heck. At least, I tried. So, like all of my other neglected hobbies, I started with what I just mentioned twenty-six words ago, trial and error. (if you really counted the twenty-six words, thank you lol)

One day, an urge came to me. Not the other kind of urge you have in mind, if you know what I mean. But whatever, I'll take it. I got up my bed and suddenly thought, that "Today, I'm gonna start drinking coffee."

So, that's what I did. Went downstairs to the kitchen to find some coffee, there's no instant 3 in 1's, probably the easiest way. But the universe was so kind to me that day that it challenged me. All I found was this pure black fine grinded coffee (didn't knew this term before, all I know was just 'coffee, and that's it') I didn't know a single fuck on how to mix it, ratio of tbsp to water to creamer. There was no creamer as well so what choice do I have, ahh yes milk, unfortunately we don't have milk either. "Universe, you're the best", I said to myself. Boiling temp water or slightly over boiling temp, I always tend to overthink. When everything was just so simple and can be googled these days. Anyways, you totally guessed right that the first coffee I made was a failure. It made me vomit. Yey! I told myself that it was not nearly any good, but I didn't give up just yet. I thought, it's obvious here that I can't mix coffee of my own so maybe, I'll just try those commercially mixed ones, just to get the hang of it. That was the plan.

So the next day, I went to the nearest mini grocery inside the compound. Grabbed every kind out there, I repeat, I didn't have any single idea at all (Cappuccino, Latte, Machiatto,etc unlike today I can explain every single one of them, naks confident). Different colors means different flavors, so I tried to stick into one brand, that is Starbucks. With the littlest money I have, because that day was before salary and my bright mind decided to spend it on coffee. How clever, smart and reckless. I know, right? like wtf. I headed home, buying only that. And be prepared for my next sentence. I fucking vlogged it. The whole damn thing, from my thoughts on coffee, to my journey prior going to the mini grocery to buying at the mini grocery, and of course the taste test. Yes, cringe your ass on that. I already cringe myself a thousand fold, so. I won't publish it, maybe one day if I decided to kill myself out of embarrassment or not, who knows about my next move. Back to norm guys, I headed home. And tried every single one of it. One of the main reasons why I don't drink before is because of the heavy palpitations, second to that is the coffee breath. So, to hell with the palpitations, and for the breath, hmm I guess greater number of brushing teeth to frequency of drinking coffee ratio. And for the third and by far most important for me, now that I started drinking is the teeth stain. Ugh, why am I doing this again? Because I just can't stop it, not now it's too late baby it's too late. We'll settle that later on.

One by one, I tried tasting it. lol When will I fucking finish this story without interruptions. Thought interruptions that is. Honestly, I didn't like some of them. It's either too sweet because I don't prefer eating sweets in general, or some smoky, like literally cigarette butts in my mouth. I wondered why. Later on, I found out they're just bad types of coffee. Sorry not 'bad', but not the best types out there or bad for my taste maybe? I bought 7 kind of canned coffees, couple of sips and I'm done. In to the fridge they go. Of course, I heard the news that if you take so much caffeine in one sitting, you'll go nuts. So I decided, it would not be that day. My next journey would be to find out what coffee do I like. Long story short, it was Cold Brew Coffee on ice, no sugar, just flat and Iced Classic Doubleshot Espresso. I like the bitterness and the kick, it's like alcohol, but legal. haha Sorry, if maybe you felt like there's more to my story and suddenly I cut it short. Actually, there's really more to the story, but I kinda got tired of explaining the whole thing. Until next time then. *shrug