#the perils of going to visit your gf when she's a witch living in an enchanted forest

[jmbringitonworld]

Visit to the Cottage

AO3 link for those who prefer to read fics there

There's an event called "Let Papyrus Say Fuck", which is about exactly what you'd think. Its aim is to show Papyrus doing and saying things that go against the common fandom misconception that he's just a child (mentally, at least; his actual age is debatable). The actual event is tomorrow (June 16th), but I'm not sure if I really want to take part in it, since there might be antis lurking about in a purely Papyrus-centric portion of the fanbase, and I don't want to have to deal with some asshole minors who think it's fun to harass strangers online for their shipping preferences.

That said, if anyone does feel the urge to harass me, just know that you won’t get a rise out of me. I ignore rude comments and will block those trying to bully me for enjoying what I love (and I report those whose behaviour is particularly egregious). I'm a grown-ass adult who ain't got no time to be playing stupid games with idiot children. I'm way too busy trying to squeeze as much joy out of life as possible.

But forget about all that, this is just a fun little scenario which takes place sometime after my fic "Good Girl Needs Kiss" (also here on AO3). You don't need to have read that, since you should be able to get a gist of what's going on while reading this, but just in case, the basic premise is that Witch!Reader messed up a spell, turning herself into a dog, and got found and taken in by Papyrus. This oneshot takes place after Witch!Reader has broken her spell, and she and Papyrus are officially a couple. I hope you enjoy ^^

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I was up bright and early this morning, to get my cottage ready for my very special visitors: Papyrus was bringing his brother, Sans, over for the very first time, and I was anxious to make sure that my friend, and older brother to my boyfriend, enjoyed his time in my home as much as possible. I’d finally broken that stupid botched spell not too long ago, and I desperately wanted Sans to like me just as much as a human, as he did when I was stuck as a dog. As such, I was rushing all about my cottage, sprucing up the place and making it as welcoming as possible.

I’d spent all morning clearing away any dust and dirt, tidying up my spell books and tomes, putting away all of my magical instruments and various knick-knacks and curios, and cleaning up any potion stains I could find. I’d even scrubbed my cauldron until it gleamed, and arranged my alchemy ingredients into neat little rows. I’d also asked the spiders to make their cobwebs as nice as possible, bribed the resident imps and sprites with honey to stay on their best behaviour around my guests, and even banished the hobgoblin squatting in my attic to the wardrobe, when he’d refused to comply and blown a raspberry at me instead. I dearly hoped Sans wouldn’t try to practise his knock knock jokes on that wardrobe.

Any potentially dangerous objects were sealed away in a secure lockbox, which I’d hidden in the secret storage compartment in the floorboards underneath the large, sturdy bed Papyrus had built for me. My previous bed had been no match for my boyfriend’s very ardent affections, whenever he spent the night here, but Papyrus had proven to be quite the skilled carpenter, and this new bed seemed very robust. Still, I’d added my own reinforcing enchantments to it, just in case. Papyrus was very strong, after all. He was also quite the artist, and had even carved flames and cute, little bones into the frame. So talented, my boyfriend , I sighed dreamily to myself, as I brushed my cat familiar’s fur until it was silky smooth.

As soon as the skeleton brothers had entered the forest I lived in, several tree nymphs had shown up outside my window to let me know all about it, and were currently giving me a detailed, running commentary on the brothers’ trek to my cottage. Nymphs were notorious gossips, nosy, yet reliable with their information, and I always appreciated being kept up-to-date on the goings-on of my home, especially where it concerned anyone coming to see me. Nothing happened in the forest without the nymphs knowing about it, and it was very reassuring to have these nature spirits keeping a close eye on my very important visitors.

I wasn’t too worried about anything untoward happening to the brothers, though. The ancient Forest God protecting this entire area had taken quite the liking to Papyrus (in large part thanks to all of the fun and creative puzzles he’d been coming up with to entertain the forests’ inhabitants), and had even named him an official “Friend of the Forest”, granting him safe passage through these woods whenever he pleased. And since the Old God had given his approval, all the rest of the woodland residents would respect his judgement. Many will-o'-the-wisps had even taken it upon themselves to guide Papyrus back to safe trails, whenever he’d gotten distracted by something or someone, and lost his way. I was truly delighted by how easily and quickly my boyfriend had managed to befriend my friends and neighbours. All the more reason to befriend his friends in turn! And as a human this time.

I’d finally managed to get all of the major chores done, and was discussing with my household brownie if there were any minor tasks that needed doing. The shy, little, brown elf was usually the one taking care of most of the housework, which I was always very grateful for, but this was too big and too important a job for him alone. Nevertheless, his help was invaluable to me, and he knew my cottage even better than I did, so I was seeking his opinion on what else I could do to make the place look more inviting. Suddenly, I heard a furious voice booming in the distance.

“GOD FUCKING DAMN IT SANS, WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST SAY?!?!?!”

I’d recognise that obnoxiously loud voice anywhere! Papyrus! I gasped to myself, as I reached over to help the brownie back onto his feet, after he’d startled so badly from the noise that he’d fallen over. With a quick promise from the tiny elf to keep an eye on my house while I was gone, I ran to the front door, grabbing my broomstick on my way out. Once outside, I hopped onto my broom, kicked off the ground and was up in the air in the blink of an eye, shooting off in the direction of my boyfriend’s irate shouting.

My heart was pounding in my chest as I fretted over what could have happened to Papyrus, my mind racing as it came up with increasingly horrifying possibilities. The forest, while generally peaceful, was nonetheless full of mysterious and sometimes malevolent entities, ever eager to play nasty tricks on unsuspecting travellers. I prayed that my boyfriend and his brother hadn’t run afoul of one of the more malicious creatures living in these dark woods...

The further I flew, the louder the yelling became, until I could hear both Papyrus and Sans’s voices clearly.

“ABSOLUTELY NOT!!”

“but pap-”

“NO!!! DON’T HURT MY DATEMATE’S PLANT FRIEND!! YOU MIGHT MAKE HER HATE YOU!! AND THEN YOU TWO WILL NEVER BE FRIENDS!! WHICH IS UNACCEPTABLE!! SANS!! WE MUST NOT FUCK UP THIS VERY IMPORTANT HANG-OUT, NO MATTER WHAT!!”

Papyrus sounded both panicked and determined, whereas Sans sounded more annoyed than anything, as he responded to his brother.

“then what exactly do you suggest we-”

I finally reached the two skeleton monsters, only to find them both dangling several feet in the air, ensnared in the vines of a gigantic plant, the main body of which was a massive, flower-like creature, whose metres-wide, fuchsia petals formed a humongous mouth, lined with several rows of razor-sharp fangs. Harsh, guttural growls reverberated through the air, seeming to be coming from the main flower. I noticed that a large, draconic skull was also caught in the vines, and instantly recognised it as a Gaster Blaster, although it was wider and thicker than the ones Papyrus would occasionally summon during his training.

Sans had cut himself off when I flew into view, and both brothers were openly staring at me, their eye sockets wide and pitch black, as I took in the scene before me with no small amount of alarm. Sans was the first to recover from his shock, as he waved at me casually, lazy grin fixed on his skull, with only the tightness of his expression betraying how uneasy he actually was.

“oh, hey. ‘sup, kid, howzit hanging ?”

I blinked at him, at a loss for words. Papyrus, however, was not, as he turned an angry glare on his brother.

“SANS!! NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR YOUR AWFUL PUNS!!”

He was struggling furiously within the vines holding him, almost upside down in the air, as more vines rose up to further constrict him. Sans tried very hard to appear unbothered by the situation, as he shrugged carelessly.

“you’re totally right, bro.” He then shot me a wink. “sorry pal, but we can’t chat right now, we’re a little tied up at the moment.”

“SAAAAANS!!!”

As Papyrus practically exploded at his brother’s joking, I hurriedly flew towards the two of them, gripping my broom tightly in my concern.

“Oh shit, are you guys all right?!”

In hindsight, that was probably a stupid question, but this was a ridiculous situation I was in. This was not at all how I envisioned today going, I silently despaired. Papyrus gave a nervous laugh, trying vainly to appear cool and collected, despite his current predicament.

“DON’T WORRY, MY BELOVED DATEMATE! WE’RE PERFECTLY ALL RIGHT! WE WERE JUST HANGING OUT WITH YOUR LOVELY FLOWER FRIEND AND DEFINITELY NOT ATTACKING IT!!”

Sans chuckled, looking more pleased at his brother’s pun than he did his own, but I ignored the both of them to make my way down to the main blossom. Landing on the forest floor, I swiftly got off of my broom, and used it to deliver a firm whack to the flower, scolding it with my best cross look.

“You let my friends down this instant, you ill-mannered lout!”

The plant snarled at me, the sound deep, harsh and menacing, but I just pointed the business end of my broom threateningly at it.

“Don’t you sass me, plant bitch! Unhand my boyfriend and his brother, right now , or I’m getting out the weed killer! And you better be gentle! Or else .”

The flower audibly grumbled at me, before reluctantly lowering the two skeleton monsters to the ground, and released them from its vines. The giant blossom, along with all of its leafy, tentacle-like vines, then retreated into the bushes, slinking away and disappearing in the undergrowth.

I heaved a deep sigh, sagging in relief, before running over to the brothers as they staggered to their feet, checking them both over carefully, and making sure that they were unharmed. Neither of them seemed the worse for wear after their ordeal, thankfully, just a little shaken and covered in leaves. The chunky Gaster Blaster shook itself vigorously as it hovered in the air, looking remarkably like a dog shaking water from its fur, before it vanished, returning to wherever Blasters go when they aren’t being summoned (I assumed, at least, since I’d never actually asked Papyrus the specifics of his skeletal weapons).

As I looked the brothers over, I couldn’t help but notice that Papyrus was wearing the “Cool Dude” shirt he often wore on our dates (he said it was part of his “secret style”, but I’d seen it so often I didn’t know what was so secret about it), as well as a pair of trousers I’d never seen before, with what looked like a Halloween themed design. I wondered if the pointy witch hats, black cats, bats, and pumpkins reminded him of me. A large part of me hoped so. Or maybe he thought I would appreciate them (I did, if that was the case, very much so).

Sans, on the other hand, was wearing his usual outfit, except with the addition of a bow tie, distinctly shaped like a bone. I could practically hear the “bone tie” pun from him, and resolved to not mention it in Papyrus’s presence. Best not to give the local forest spirits the wrong idea about these two.

Once Papyrus had regained his footing, brushing off all of the leaves clinging to his clothes, he reached out towards me with arms wide open and quite literally swept me off my feet, as he hugged me tightly to his chest, and spun the both of us around in a circle.

“WOWIE!! YOU WERE SO COOL! SAVING US FROM YOUR PLANT PAL WITHOUT ANYONE GETTING HURT! SO COOL! SO HEROIC! NYEH HEH HEH!!”

He set me back on the ground, but kept his arms loosely wrapped around me, which I was grateful for, since my impromptu mid-air twirl had left me a little dizzy. He was beaming down at me and I returned his bright smile, feeling my heart flutter in my chest at being so close to the one I loved. I felt a warmth close to my heart, which I recognised as my soul, as it too rejoiced at being so near to Papyrus and his own soul.

“I’m just glad you guys are all right,” I sighed softly, wrapping my own arms around Papyrus, returning his hug. My boyfriend squeezed me tighter in response, drawing me closer to him, and leaned down to place a gentle kiss on my lips. Just then, the sound of a camera shutter going off caused me to jolt apart from Papyrus and whip my head towards the noise. I saw Sans holding his phone up and pointing the lens towards us. He smiled apologetically at us, lowering his phone.

“heh heh, oops, sorry. shoulda silenced my phone,” he then gave us a cheeky wink. “you kids were just so cute, i couldn’t help snappin’ a quick pic. wanna hold tight to the good memories, after all.”

I could feel my cheeks heat up at his words, but I couldn’t argue with his reasoning. And neither could Papyrus, it seemed, as he swiftly made his way to his brother’s side and snatched the latter’s phone right out of his hands, to admire the photo Sans had taken of us. The taller skeleton’s face lit up, tiny specks of light glittering within the depths of his eye sockets, and he started tapping away on Sans’s phone.

“WOWIE! THAT’S SUCH A GREAT PHOTO! WE SURE ARE CUTE, NYEH HEH HEH!! I’M SENDING THIS TO MY PHONE RIGHT NOW! I WANT TO HOLD TIGHT TO THIS GOOD MEMORY AS WELL!!”

I tried to cover my blushing cheeks, but couldn’t contain my smile. Papyrus gushing over photos of the two of us always made me feel giddy, and my soul warmed at how obviously my boyfriend treasured our relationship, new as it still was. I reached up a hand to yank my tall witch’s hat off of my head, and used it to fan my face, hoping to cool down my blush. The tiny, fluffy owl chick which had been peacefully snoozing underneath my hat, stirred slightly at the disturbance, but Papyrus quickly ran a phalange gently over its downy head and along its soft, puffy body, soothing the baby bird back to sleep.

Papyrus had been utterly enthralled to learn that I often kept baby birds, entrusted to me by their parents, underneath my hat, and when this latest owl chick had hatched, he’d immediately started fussing over the little fella, and caring for him like a parent would, even going so far as to keep bird feed on hand at all times. He’d even named the owlet “Voltaire”, proudly boasting about how fitting a name it was. I certainly hoped so, since Voltaire was a very intelligent writer and philosopher. Sans, meanwhile, had greatly appreciated the double pun.

Ordinarily, once the chicks were old enough, they’d fly the nest, so to speak, but Papyrus had grown so attached to this baby owl, and it to him, that I was considering keeping the little guy as my second familiar. My mother had two familiars herself, her cat Artemis, and her owl Hermes, however I’d never felt like my magic was stable enough to support two familiar bonds. Besides, Midnight had always been more than enough for me, and I didn’t want to risk him not liking another companion.

But with my blossoming relationship with Papyrus, and my growing friendship with his friends and family, I felt more confident in myself than ever before. Papyrus had been steadfast in his support of me and my efforts to improve my magical abilities, and had even declared himself my biggest fan. With him by my side, cheering me on every step of the way, I felt like I could accomplish anything. Once Voltaire was old enough, I would perform the bonding ritual, and he and I would be together for the rest of our lives. Hopefully so would Papyrus , my heart wished.

After I’d returned my hat back to its place on my head, and Papyrus had handed Sans’s phone back to him, my boyfriend gave me a deep bow, grabbing his brother’s skull to shove it down as well. I blinked at them in confusion, as Papyrus offered me his apologies.

“MY DARLING DATEMATE, SANS AND I ARE SO SORRY FOR UPSETTING YOUR FLOWER FRIEND! AREN’T WE, SANS?”

Beside him, Sans mumbled a “yep, sure are” and Papyrus let him up, the both of them straightening up from their bow. I hastily shook my head, waving away their unnecessary apology.

“No, no, it’s fine, really! That flower has always been a bit of a grumpy git. Besides, it’s kinda my fault it’s like that anyway.” I sighed, recalling the incident which had led to the plant’s foul temperament and abnormally large size. “You see, it’s a very rare species of flower, whose seeds have many, fascinating uses in alchemy. So, I thought that if I poured some growth potion on it, it’d have bigger seeds, and therefore more material for me to work with. Clever, right?”

Papyrus nodded his skull in agreement, assuring me I was “VERY CLEVER!” and I smiled gratefully at him, before my face fell as I continued.

“Unfortunately, I failed to brew the potion correctly, and while the flower did indeed grow to a gigantic size, as intended, it somehow also gained some level of sentience as well. I still don’t know where I messed up in the brewing process to have caused such an effect...” I bit my lip, frowning thoughtfully to myself, before I shook my head, dismissing the question for another time. “But anyway, I thought I’d managed to tame the nasty beast, for the most part, and it hasn’t attacked anyone in a long while. I don’t know why it chose to attack you two now, but I’m really sorry about that.”

I wrung my hands anxiously, feeling guilty that my past actions had put my dear friends in danger, but Papyrus strode forward and took my hands into his own. He wasn’t wearing his gloves for once, and I enjoyed the feeling of cool, smooth bone against my skin, as he gave my hands a firm squeeze. He smiled down at me reassuringly.

“DON’T BE! IT WAS ALL SANS’S FAULT!” The monster in question huffed a laugh at how easily his brother had thrown him under the proverbial bus. Papyrus leaned his skull down to press his forehead to mine, as he gazed directly into my eyes. “MY FOOLISH BROTHER IGNORED MY INSTRUCTIONS TO NOT BOTHER THE FOREST’S RESIDENTS, AND PICKED ONE OF YOUR FRIEND’S SMALLER FLOWERS. SO YOU SEE, SANS IS ENTIRELY TO BLAME! MY LITTLE LADY HAS NOTHING TO BE SORRY FOR!”

My guilt wasn’t completely assuaged, but I did feel a lot better at his words. I was just glad that he wasn’t upset with me for creating such a menace and allowing it to run loose in the forest. Still, I couldn’t really fault the flower for getting mad at the brothers, if one of its blooms was harvested without its consent. I twisted my head towards Sans, and he hunched his shoulders a little, looking sheepish as he held up the flower which had instigated this whole mess.

“eh heh heh... sorry about that, pal. i didn’t know the rest of the plant would take offence to my takin’ just one, tiny bud,” he glanced down at it, eyelights fuzzing slightly around the edges. “i thought frisk would like it. she loves pretty flowers.”

I thought back to Frisk’s stunning, flower-filled garden, with its myriad of blossoms covering the majority of the area, a veritable kaleidoscope of vibrant colours everywhere you looked. She did indeed love pretty flowers. And the one Sans was holding would fit right in with the rest in Frisk’s garden, with its bright, pink petals. I nodded my head, conceding Sans’s point.

“True, she’ll probably like it,” Sans’s smile widened at my agreement. “Just let her know that while it is edible, it has a rather bitter flavour. Nothing overpowering, but still something to be aware of.”

Sans looked at me a little oddly, for some reason, before shrugging and giving me a wink.

“sure, i’ll tell her that. heh, thanks for the advice, kid.”

I beamed at him, glad to be of help. “No problem!”

Papyrus then clapped his hands, as if he’d just thought of something.

“SPEAKING OF PRESENTS!” He reached into his inventory and took out a bone, with a big, red bow wrapped around it. He held the bone out to me with a huge grin. “THIS IS A GIFT SANS BROUGHT FOR YOU, ON HIS OWN!”

Sans looked to be holding back a snigger, which I found puzzling, but I chose not to question his strange behaviour, as I happily accepted the kind gift.

“Thanks, Sans! How thoughtful of you! I love bones.”

Papyrus’s in particular, but I kept that to myself; Sans didn’t need to know that. The shorter skeleton monster seemed to be trying to hold back another laugh, as he struggled to get out a “no problem at all , buddy”. Huh. He really was an odd fellow, but I was glad to have such interesting friends. I made a mental note to find a present of my own to give to Sans, one that would match the level of care that must have gone into this one.

Clutching my lovely gift firmly in one hand, I bent down to retrieve my fallen broomstick with the other, and suggested that the three of us make our way to my cottage, before we attracted any more unwanted attention. As it was, a group of tree nymphs were already giggling to each other, and would most certainly be gossiping about this encounter for the next few days. I could also spot several curious fairies spying on us from behind tree leaves and bushes, and who knew what else was watching us, hiding from view. I sighed in exasperation. Didn’t these creatures have anything better to do?

Papyrus readily agreed with my suggestion, even volunteering to carry my broom for me, so that he could free up one of my hands to hold it in his. I eagerly accepted, of course, and the three of us marched off in the direction of my home, myself and my boyfriend walking hand in hand the entire way.

Despite the little hiccup with the giant, angry flower, the rest of the day passed by smoothly, and I felt that by the end of it, Sans and I had grown even closer as friends, which delighted me to no end. My friendship power would soon be unmatched! And Papyrus was even more thrilled by this than I was, if his not-so-quiet comments to himself and to Sans were anything to go by. The big guy wasn’t very subtle about his desire for his loved ones to get along well, but that just proved that he had a big heart (metaphorically speaking)!

As an added bonus, I’d learnt that the hobgoblin did, in fact, enjoy knock knock jokes, and a great deal too. Papyrus, however, did not . All in all, today had been a fun and interesting day indeed, and I looked forward to my next hang-out with the skeleton brothers (even if I did prefer my private dates with Papyrus just a bit more).

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This was fun to write. I normally avoid swearing in my fics, just because it feels a little too crass (even though I cuss a bunch in real life, amongst my close friends and family), but just for this special occasion, I'm letting Papyrus swear. It feels a little weird, honestly 'w'

Anyway, to my regular readers, I've got something planned for this coming Sunday, because it's Father's Day where I am. I wrote something for Mother's Day, so I couldn't miss out on Father's Day ^^ It won't be similar to my other fic, though, but I hope people like it all the same.

(Psst! To those who are confused about the double pun in "Voltaire"... "vol" is French for "flight", which along with "air" seemed fitting for a bird. I thought it was fairly obvious, but I'm half French and a friend pointed out that it really wasn't, so here's the explanation for those who want it.)