#the phoebe bridgers joke is probably only funny to me

[luveline]

hiiii jade my love light of my life i hope it’s not too late for me to talk about a thread of time! i’ve been so excited to read it and share my thoughts with you cause you know better than anyone how much i love the red string of fate thing and i couldn’t wait to see how you’d write about that <3

"No! I have delusions to attend to. Need anything while I'm out?"

and

Eddie pretends to stab himself in the eye by the front door, over and over.

i love how boyish eddie is portrayed in that! his small arguments with wayne, him hanging out with his friends <333 i loveeee boyish menacing eddie as much as i love seeing him all mature and it’s a delight to see your take on both sides of him <3

i love the way you write about the string too! how only eddie can see it at first and he tries to show it to everyone and no one sees it, but also how it’s tricky to move and live around it cause it almost has it’s own personality. i thought this was probably my favourite thing about it!

You're stripped back in one way and more beautiful all the others, bare-skinned, no makeup or glitters to hide behind. Eddie loves when you're expressing yourself but he craves how you look now, a secret he's desperate to know.

first favourite quote <3 maybe one of my all time favourites from you <3

Sure. If I'm delusional, of course it's something to do with you.

ughhhh he likes her so muchhhhh 😭😭😭😭

but then his hand dropped down rather than up, looking for something to take rather than something to hold.

this is kind of heartbreaking and infuriating but also beautifully written

Come and meet my parents," Eddie says, shoulders jumping, hands up in jazz hands, "look at my baby photos."

you have no idea how hard im fighting the urge to do a ryan-evans-in-high-school-musical joke about his little jazz hands

Wayne used to say Eddie could wear whatever he wanted, paint his face a hundred different colours, so long as he got to take a picture.

and

"I still think you should ask her for dinner. Any sense about her and she'll say yes." Eddie smiles. It's one of those things your mom says to you when you're down on your luck. Handsomest guy in the world, how could anybody say no to that face?”

I LOVE WAYNE SO MUCH YOU DONT UNDERSTAND (you do)

He thinks he'd like that, to sit here and watch you, listening to one of your CDs, the string between you bouncing with each turn of a page.

can i please have that. im not above begging. such a comfortable and beautiful image and also one of my favourite scenes too.

The string must be a manifestation or those seconds, threads of time tied together that join you forever, even if you can't see them. They're there. Eddie cares about you and it makes his throat hurt to hear your unhappy sounds; you have this morosity to you that he isn't stupid enough to ignore. Everybody had something weighing them down. He needs to find a way to hold yours for you. Just for a bit, however long you need.

“just for a bit” i love him so much. i really do

It's not other people I need to convince." You retreat behind your closet door again, your voice half as clear as you confess, "I think... I've always been like this. I look in the mirror and I don't even know who I'm looking at. She doesn't feel like me."

oh. felt

Is that rejection, or is he self-absorbed?

im not sure if you meant it to be funny but i thought this was so hilarious and i really loved that line

Seventeen year olds are stupid. I thought I knew everything at seventeen and now I'm twenty three and the only thing I know for sure is that I don't know anything.

that’s sooo nothing new - taylor swift ft phoebe bridgers coded

The string whips like a ribbon in the wind before falling into the shape of a heart again, clearly pleased to have you near.

and

In fact, all it takes is the idea of you, the slightest memory of your smile, your hands, the way you tell stories to the group with your shoulders turned to him like he's there alone, and the string flinches.

see what i mean about the string having a personality of its own!!! it’s so cool and fun and magical i really loved that <3

None of it was love, you aren't in love, but Eddie thinks he could've been. He was halfway there, falling, whatever the poets might say —Eddie wants you. Wants to do stupid shit with you. He can picture everything like he has before, that first bouquet of flowers, lilies with big white petals and purple sunspots. The cellophane would crinkle in trembling hands pressed to his chest, their stems leaking dew into his hardly worn button up. He'd pass them to you with more confidence than he feels and tell you that you look pretty. You always look pretty. He's not pretty, he's barely funny, he was stupid for thinking you'd like him too. […] There were times... Eddie clutches his chest. The nausea he's feeling can't be understated. There were times when you could've been in love with him, he thinks.

THIS WAS BEAUTIFUL AND HEARTBREAKING AND MY ABSOLUTE FAVOURITE PART

Because he likes you. Because a string runs from his hand to yours that can't be severed. The latter feels as mythological as the former.

ouch…… felt

Eddie thinks that there's a string tied from his finger to yours to torture him as a link to something he wants, but can't have. It doesn't make much sense. Eddie Munson could have you if he asked nicely enough.

ahsbajsjenaj if he asked nicely enough!!!! same girlie

“Loser," he says, looking himself straight in the eye.

me !

Imagine buying a girl baked goods for her to reject you.

honestly? can’t even imagine rejecting someone who got me baked goods. they might be the way to my heart

Eddie wants to be cool like a rockstar who knows you want him and doesn't care, and he wants to be sweet and gentle and give you the respect you deserve, but mostly he wants to make it out of this conversation with you at his side. He's not sure how to do it, but holding your hand as you seem to want him to is a start.

i love him it’s not even funny

Eddie doesn't know if he believes in soulmates, but he believes in the hopeful colour to your voice as you say it, and the tacky skin of your cheek as he leans in for your fifth kiss, your sixth, each one better than the last. If his soulmate were going to be someone, he'd want nothing more than for it to be you.

jade. my love. i know you worked so hard on that fic and it paid off SO well. this is beautiful and young and lovely and fun and i love it and i love you. i genuinely adore how you write every character and how you write reader, i genuinely feel so seen through all of them. thank you thank you thank you for your dedication and your hard work and your beautiful writing. to read your work is a privilege and to be able to discuss it with you is an even bigger one. and being your friend is better than all of that combined. definitely something beyond privilege!! im glad fate brought us together too <3 love youuuuu 💌 - lu

hallo

first im not sure But I think some of your quotes are from the earlier versions I sent to you which is fine and doesn't matter but you're exposing me to the masses for my typos and rough draft hahaha

You know I love your commentary almost more than I love writing the fic in the first place 😭 thank you for taking the time to compile what you liked, it makes me so happy reading the stuff you picked out and your thoughts too. And we're always on the same wave!! I loved writing boyish Eddie, the string, Wayne being Wayne, so I love that you picked that stuff out 🥺 thank you for reading lu (like three whole times) I love youuuuj

[goatsandpals]

It took two days, but I finally finished my gravity falls oc! Who’s basically just a weird version of me. (So, just me.) rather then dating Bill Cipher, they try to kill him at every possible opportunity!

(Human and demon form) Please tell me that someone noticed that their horns are the golden ratio. I thought their design was original which probably means that, like 30 other people have ocs of the same design.

Fun facts about my oc:

- Observed the human realm for centuries, and saw how people always hurt and killed another, and how history always repeated. This knowledge drove them a bit insane, and Bill Cipher destroying the nightmare realm was the last straw.

-

- They became convinced that the only way to break free of the cycle was to kill Bill Cipher.

- That’s never happening though, because Dee is, in addition to being insane, a huge dork. If they ever kill Bill, it will be on accident, and they’ll probably apologize to his corpse.

- Very Neurodivergent.

- Has the potential to be good at math but doesn’t like doing it.

- Convinced that they are half snail, because of their golden ratio horns.

- Is actually half Asian in human form (because I’m half Asian)

- Claims to be a distant cousin of the Ciphers. (Only shows up once a year at family reunions to steal the snacks and no one knows how to get rid of them.)

- Got banished from the nightmare realm and the mindscapes for making puns and bad jokes:

‘You could say I’m dreamy.’

- Can only make one meal, and that is toast.

- Is a good person at heart, but seems to cause chaos wherever they go, and guiltily enjoy it. It is their nature to love disarray, yet they know it’s wrong…. they know that killing Bill will not be the answer, but they can’t think of another way to break free from this endless paradox…..

- Oh yeah, and they once got arrested for stealing garden gnomes.

- likes all the music you’d think they would listen to (ghost and pals, lemon demon, etc,) but also secretly loves indie music, like Phoebe Bridgers, The Japanese house and soccer mommy.

- Dee can be summoned by leaving a piece of cheese pizza on the ground and waiting for them to take the bait.

- They once hacked all the public radios in Massachusetts and played weird Al songs for 24 hours. Several people were driven mad.

- Very dark sense of humor. Also is terrible at being social. They usually get nervous, talking to someone and say the weirdest most random thing ever.

- Sometimes get overwhelmed around lots of people or in a space with a lot of noise. (Literally me)

- Got banished from hell for being to annoying. (I,e, making puns):

‘Hey, wouldn’t it be funny if all beavers went to hell, because, y’know, they’d be beaver dammed?’

‘I thought this place was all about puns. Internal PUNishment.’

- They get really confused in social situations because they have trouble understanding people. (Me, basically)

- Conclusion: not dangerous, just annoying and weird. (Like me)

I

Doodles and song lyrics I listened to while creating this character

[winterrhayle]

rank red and lover and evermore

ok i should’ve expected this many☠️☠️☠️☠️

red (taylor’s version) this one is so difficult to rank bc its so LONG and tbh ive already changed my mind on the bottom rankings so ignore the numbers oh and im not ranking ronan bc. yeah.

i almost do - i literally could not tell you why but this has been my favourite song from red for a long long time,, probably because i’ve never gotten over anything ever

better man - WHY WASNT THIS ON THE ORIGINAL ALBUM😭😭😭😭😭😭

the moment i knew - AND IT WAS LIKE SLOOOWWW MOTION STANDING THERE IN MY PARTY DRESSS IN REEEEED LIPSTICK QITH NO ONE TO IMPRESS ok this song was always in my top 3 for red but atw10 really elevated it bc of all the references

the very first night - why are the vaults so GOOOD OMG this song is so fun and has such silly energy i love it

forever winter - this song is so devastating but also if i ignore the lyrics the horns make it a bop????

all too well 10 min version - what can i say it’s ALL TOO WELL. AND I WAS NEVER GOOD AT TELLING JOKES BUT THE PUNCHLINE GOES I’LL GET OLDER BUT YOURE LOVERS DTAY MY AGE

nothing new - phoebe bridgers makes me feel things. also i should now find this song and the fear of getting older relatable bc i’m literally ‘the kinda radiance you only have at seventeen’

babe - the sugarland version is good but taylor’s is so much better and i love the added ‘what about your promises promises’ thing

red - WHEN THE DRUMS COME IN OMGGGG ,, oh also random anec dote one time when i was 9 or 10 my teacher asked me for an example of a metaphor so i used one of these lyrics

i bet you think about me - I LOVE COUNTRY TAYLOR AND I LOVE SASSY TAYLOR (aka fearless taylor)

treacherous - that part where shes like 'i'll follow you follow you home' is so funny bc like girl are u a stalker or something😭

state of grace - for some reason i specifically LOVEE sreaming the lyrics 'twin fire signs, four blue eyes' even though i am a pisces with BROWN EYES???? (also this is one of the many rerecordings that sounded better in the og version,,, i only play tv though)

all too well (normal length version) - this one was top 3 before red tv was released but for some reason the new vocals dont hit the same😔i would still consider it to be a perfect song though,, atw is THAT GIRL 13/10

the last time - if u dont try to sing both parts of this and mess up then ur lyyyinnggggg

everything has changed - not 2 be a sheerio (i am NOT ONE) but the ed sheeran x taylor collabs on this album are so cuteeetetete and im obsessed with how the kid actors from this mv were used for joker and the queen mv like a decade later

22 - in 5 years this song will be on REPEAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!AH OHHHHH I DONT KNOW ABOUT YOU BUT IM FEELIN TWENNY TWOOOOO

run - this is giving i know places and i loveeeee it 10/10 i love it when she collabs with ed within his musical range (this is a diss to endgame)

come back ... be here - THE BRIDGE. i love pretending that my (non existent) lover has flown allll the way to london soo far away from me (london is an hour drive from my house) and i am BREAKING DOWN BECAUSE MY MAN ISNT HERE (im literally a lesbian)

sad beautiful tragic - ok i dont ever actively search for this song but when it comes on i will listen to the whole thing every time. i think i said this about hoax but this is the type of sadness i craaave

holy ground - the forever & always > better than revenge > last kiss > holy ground > invisible string (that one line about the babies and presents) pipeline is one of my favourite things in the swiftverse ever everrrrr love u joe jonas

i knew you were trouble - remember that goat meme? yeah🥹

the lucky one - whoever said this song is evelyn hugo is so CORRECT.

we are never everrrrrr getting back together - I LOVE THIS SONG BUT SHE BOTCHED IT IN THE 2021 VERSION LMAOOOO RIP (ALSO SHOUT OUT TO THE ROCK VERSION OF THIS <333333)

begin again - this was such a perfect closing song for the standard edition of the album,, it ties off the whole break up album so well and it has her moving on to someone who treats her wife and ahhhhh

starlight - the 'have 10 kids and teach them how to dream' line rly catches me off guard sometimes😭 but i'll allow it

stay stay stay - THE PEOPLE WHO HATE ON THIS SONG DONT GET ITTTT. THE 5 MINUTE CRAFTS MUSIC IS CAMP. YOU CAN PRIZE STAY STAY STAY OUT OF MY COLD DEAD HANDS.

message in a bottle - this song is so 2012 where was this in the og album😒😒😒😒 it could have been one of the greats with ikywt,wanegbt,22 but whatever (same with the very first night S.M.H)

girl at home - i didnt like the og version, and i know a lot of people dont like the different production it has on the rerecording but i actually prefer it,,, but its my least favourite song on the album still. rip.

i started that ranking at 6:22am and now its 6:25pm. ITS BEEN 12 HOURS HELP WHY IS RED SO LONG anyway,,,,,

LOVEERRRRRRRR (aka one of my 3 stan albums) also not ranking soon youll get better for the same reasons as ronan ^

daylight - can i just say,, I KNOW THIS SONG TECHNICALLY DOESNT COUNT BEFORE BC TOE IS NO LONGER A THING BUT IGNORE THAT PLEASE FOR THIS ONE😭 ok this one has some of my favourite lyrics,, including 'i once believed love would be burning red, but its golden' ARE YOU KIDDDINGGGGG SHE INFLUENCED THE SONG AND ALBUM RED. AS IN SHE THOUGHT LOVE WOULD BE BURRRNIN REDDDD LIKE THE LYRIC. U KNOW THE ONE IM TALKING ABOUT RIGHT (2 mins into red the song). OHH ALSO THE VOICE MEMO AT THE END IS SO ICONIC I WANNA GET 'YOU ARE WHAT YOU LOVE' TATTOOOOOOD ON MYSELF

the archer - one thing i will eat up every time is when a song is produces in a way that makes u feel anxious (either when theres build up with no beat drop/release OR when the drums are super threatening if that makes sense) eg, labyrinth and out of the woods. the archer is such a perfect song and i love the heartbeats that she puts in the bridge (reminds me of wildest dreams and youre losing me ahhhhhh) and whenever i see eras videos of this song people say they wish it wasnt on the set list and honestly i find that baffling. if i ever see that song live i will literally pass away AND if i go to eras i wanna dress up as the archer (cupid vibes)

miss americana & the heartbreak prince - can i just say IVE BEEN A STAN OF THIS SONG SINCE 2019 and it was my favourite from lover for years omg,, and when i saw she opened the eras tour with this one i was so happy bc its finally getting the recognition it deserves !!!!!

afterglow - this song is so criminally underrated and its one of the realest songs on the album,, like is shows that love isnt always perfect and thats such an important thing to know specially for delusional girls like me ohh also theres a few songs on lover that have very specific producion styles, its afterglow, daylight, cornelia street and all of the girls AND ITS MY FAVOURITE PRODUCTION STYLE IN HER DISCOGRAPHY its so light and airy and i cant describe it properly but i love it so much

lover - omg this was my top song on spotify wrapped 2021,, its like the textbook perfect love song and i love the vows in the bridge and i love(r) the 'we can leave the christmas lights till january' and i love the mundane romantic things like saving seats and letting your friends crash in the living room and ahahsuhfjsadlgajhdfhkasgdfhgas

cornelia street - ok unlike daylight, i literally cannon ignore how defesting this song is with the uhhh...,., recent events in the toe timeline, but honestly the existence of 'youre losing me' elevates this song even more with all of the parallels and irony and before this was a cutesie song about omg what if me and my lover break up but now its just a knife twisting in my heart and yeah. rip toe

its nice to have a friend - this was also one of my big stan songs in 2019,, the simplicity just drew me in and its such a sweet song and it reminds me of walking around after school in february where its still getting dark kinda early and u can see the sky turning pink and orange and yeah <3333333333333333 i know this song has its haters but they are all just cold hearted haters, what can i say

cruel summer - IMDRUNKINTHEBACKOFTHECARANDICRIEDLIKEABABYCOMINGHOMEFROMTHEBARSAIDIMFINEBUTITWASNTTRUEIDONTWANNAKEEPSECRETSJUSTTOKEEPYOUANDISNUCKINTHROUGHTHEGARDENGATESEVERYNIGHTTHATSUMMERJUSTTOSEALMYFATEOHHHANDISCREAMEDFORWHATEVERITSWORTHILOVEYOUAINTTHATTHEWORSTTHINGYOUEVERHEARTHELOOKSUPGRINNINGLIKETHEDEVIL

all of the girls you loved before - LISTEN TO THIS SONG AND COMPARE IT WITH PERMANENT MARKER, THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HOW SHE THINKS OF EXES THEN AND NOW IS SO FUNNY

i think he knows - this song makes me feel so silly and michevious idk why likeeeeee im listening to it right now and i feel like i wanna go annoy everyone in my houseee

ME ! - ok i know what u guys are gonna say BUT I DONT CARE. I AM A ME STAN. IF U DONT LIKE THIS SONG UR BORING AND HAVE NO FRIENDS SORRYYYYYYYY like yeah its cringe, yeah the lyrics are corny, but you know what??????? BABY THATS THE FUN OF ME (!) HE HE HEEEE the only valid critisism of this song is the inclusion of brendon urie and tbh that is valid i agree she should have made me (!) the feature

death by a thousand cuts - the way she put in the my my my my from the song lover is so rude and criminal bc why would she do that to me :( and i know this song is sad but imma be dancing around to that bridge idc idc

paper rings - omg this one is so nostalgic,,, i remember my ex gf used to make paper rings because of this song and she taught me and a bunch of our friends at school how to make them it was so fun,,, this was the song i associated with us once upon a time and now we're not a couple anymore but yk what???? i dont find this song sad its all good memories and me and her are still besties so whateverrrr *PAPER RINGS SUPREMACY*

london boy - THIS SONG >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> EVERYTHING BECAUSE LIKE SO MANY SONGS ON THIS ALBUM ITS SO UNSERIOUS AND A GOOD TIME,, IF YOU GET IT YOU GET IT!!!!!!! ALSO IT HITS DIFFERENT WHEN UR ENGLISH (taylor says she loves us <33333333) also shout out to these very iconic parts : 'we can go drivin in, on my scootuh' and 'pubwe' 'darling i fancy you' and its so funny how she literally just lists a bunch of places in london and its seems london until you put all of the locations in google maps and it makes the shape of a heart <3333333333

false god - that saxaphone😫😫😫😫 i rly hope taylor does more jazz in the future bc this song is so amazing

you need to calm down - shade never made anybody less gay FR,, like i said before, im a lesbian and this song makes me wanna tell everryyybody and its such a sillly fun song love love love,, i wish it was longer though

need - YEAHH IM DOING UNRELEASED TOO IDC,, i have this downloaded (very legally) on my spotify bc i (need)ed it very much and ill do it again. this shouldve been on the actual album #justiceforneed2023

the man - okayyyyyyy i diss this song often but i love it really,,, its so #millenialgirlboss

i forgot that you existed - ok i get the message and the whole idea of moving on from reputation idea but did it really have to be the album opener 😭 if somebody plays this album without having heard anything else from taylor and they hear 'in my feelings more than drake so yeah' THEY WILL LITERALLY NEVER LISTEN TO HER AGAINNNN ill allow it because its funny and im a satire girlie but taylor why couldnt you open the album with cruel summer☠️ screaming

evermoree

gold rush - ok guys you know how i feel about winlet and this song YOU KNOWWW THIS. gold rush is my all time most played song on spotify, and its so perfect and magical and if u listen to the dolby atmos stems theres some really nice drums and the 'my mind turns your life into folkloorreeeee' like is SO meta i love her for that

cowboy like me - con artists falling in love????? COUNT ME IN. ohh and i feel like im gonna do this a lot on this album but i have some lyrics that i neeeed to give a shout out to : 'and the skeletons in both our closets plotted hard to f*ck this up' , 'now you hang from my lips like the gardens of babylon, with your boots beneath my bed, forever is the sweetest con' imagine being able to write like that likee damn girl

'tis the damn season - im so obsessed with how this song is the other perspective from the song dorethea,, this is honestly the song i listen to the most every december bc its just the perfect holiday song for me

ivy - I CANT EVEN SHOUT OUT LYRICS HERE BECAUSE THE WHOLE SONG IS LITERALLY GOD TIER LYRICISM. WHO LET HER DO THIS. HOW DOES ONE JUST WRITE ALL OF THIS???????????????? TS > SHAKESPEARE

marjorie - this song is such a beautiful one and its my mums favourite and she always tells me to play it when i have the aux 🥹 when taylor plays this at the eras tour and that part with marjories opera singing plays and u can see taylor crying i just wanna bawl my eyes out

evermore - every few months i rediscover this song and its so perfect and the part in the bridge where the intensity is building and bilding and in the line 'you were there' her voice softens and the whole feeling of anxiety just subsides andaahhhhhhhassdbfkssf , same energy as ootw where the bridge is super fast and anxious and the end shes like 'you were lookin at me' and her voice softens there too, its such a cool thing to do vocally and it rly tells u the perspective the song is from with her spiraling and her lover kinda pulling her back into the present (its giving jacinter energyy)

willow - for literally no reason whenever i hear this song i think of a mermaid and a pirate falling in love,, and theyre both lesbians (i dont make the rules thats just how it is ok) 'wait for the signal and i'll meet you after dark' the only logical conclusion to be drawn from this is that the mermaid and pirate are sneaking around bc mermaids and pirates hate eachother,, like romeo and juliet,,,, like ariel and eric. do u see the vision. do u see the forbidden love. yeah u get it (i know it says thats my man in the song but im choosing to ignore that) (ALSO IM NOT A GAYLOR THIS IS JUST HOW I LIKE TO THINK OF THE SONG LOL)

champagne problems - the fact that she wrote this with joe is insane like how do u sit with ur bf and write a breakup song like this as a fictional thing,, and then break up for the reason in said song 3 years later?????? wild😭

right where you left me - DELUSION ANTHEM 🗣🔊💥💥💥💥💥💥💥

tolerate it - man this song is depressing,, like u know how the song ends with 'i sit and watch you' thats because its repeating the fist line of the song. as in shes in a loop. as in she has all these thoughts and realisations and then realises she has to leave and then ends up right where she started and stays. deep.

no body, no crime - OHH IMAGINE SITTING ROUND A CAMPFIRE SINGING THIS ONE ITS SUCH A FUN MURDER STORY LOVEEE IT

coney island - the bridge with all the references 😫 'were you standing in the hallway, with a big cake, happy birthday / and they're all standing around me singing "happy birthday to you but there was one thing missing' , 'did I paint your bluest skies the darkest grey? / you paint me a blue sky then go back and turn it to rain' , 'and when I got into the accident the sight that flashed before me was your face / remember when you hit the brakes too soon? .... but when the sun came up, I was looking at you' , 'but when I walked up to the podium, i think that I forgot to say your name' / this ones about calvin harris but there isnt a song about it,, but she does talk about this in the miss americana documentary

long story short - this song is literally the whole of reputation summarised its so good

dorothea - this ones the betty of the album,, the simple acoustic part of a song parinng / group, like ive said i love it when she returns to her roots and releases things reminiscent of debut

its time to go - I HATE YOUUUU SCOOTER

happiness - this one is very sad but a little uplifting i guess, i find it so sweet how taylor writes songs for abigail (fifteen and this) to help her get through things

closure - ok i know this is at the bottom of my ranking but i actually really like this song a lot,,, the production is what people hate but i love how its all chaos, representing the whole drama with the breakdown in taylor and scooter / karlies friendships and then the piano comes in smoothly THROUGH the chaos, which reminds me of taylor just ignoring all that drama and being able to move on while theyre still just bothering her in the background

BEA. THIS TOOK AGES I HATE YOU HAHAHAHH

[mendedserpent]

like the shape of your outline

(Featuring this joke, title is a misheard lyrics from sidelines by phoebe bridgers)

Here is a love song he knows. It goes like this:

The two of them are curled up like a pair of slurred words in the hold of the ship, and Travis can’t stop laughing. He thinks he might honestly be starting to freak Gable out a little bit. They tell him to be quiet, but there’s a bemused sort of smile on their face that makes his head spin and his heart trip. He wants to kiss the smile off their lips. He’s quite drunk.

“No, you see — shut up, let me finish.” He drops his head down onto their shoulder to collect himself. He’s halfway on their lap, legs thrown carelessly over them. They smell like smoke and storms.

“I’m not talking,” they say, and he thinks they might be laughing at him but he thinks he might be okay with that because he loves it when Gable laughs, loves the way the sound stumbles out of them, loud and unsure and extremely real. Every laugh sounds like it’s their first.

His head is buried in their shoulder but the room spins. Love. The more he tries not to think about the word, the more it echoes in his already pounding skull. Love.

“Well?” Gable says, tapping lightly on the back of his head. He swats their hand away and instantly regrets it. He likes the way the action made them curl their arm around his shoulders. Loves it, even. “Go on!” They say, “I want to hear the end of the joke.”

“Hm,” Travis says, keeping his head buried in the crook of their neck because he can, because he can blame the tactility on the alcohol. Which is dumb, because they both know he’s clingy as all hell; he’s just better at pretending when he’s sober. “I don’t think so. Nobody ever gets it.” He waves a hand vaguely. “It’s too old — not funny for today’s folk.”

“Go on,” they say, nudging him slightly. He makes a show of nearly losing his balance, and brings his free arm to their other shoulder to steady himself. Their neck is warm under his fingers, and he finds it hard to breathe for a second. “Try me.”

Travis groans indignantly, and buries his head further into their shoulder, mumbling: “And then the dog says, ‘shall I open this door?’” It’s a stupid, old joke from a stupid, older time, but it’s one of the only ones he can remember in this state.

He’s startled by Gable’s loud and resonant laugh, startled by how he can feel the sound when he’s this close to them. He looks up, and lumins they’re close, gray eyes bright and shining as they bump their forehead against his, giggling. And love is clawing its way up his throat, scalding his insides, making the world spin. And Travis, who is most famous for trying to cross an uncrossable river, can’t not take this leap.

“I love you,” he whispers, their lips a breath from his, so quiet that they could pretend not to hear it if they wanted to. Because if they can understand his stupid ancient jokes, they may well be able to understand this. His love feels just as ancient and untranslatable.

They freeze in surprise, but only for a fraction of a second before leaning up to press a kiss to his forehead. Travis makes a wordless, needy noise, which would be embarrassing if he had not just performed the emotional equivalent of diving off a cliff. Gable pulls back, and knocks their foreheads together again. “I love you too.” The words crack Travis open like a well-placed bullet.

And when the gravity of the moment threatens to crush them, break them, drown them, Gable starts laughing again, and Travis starts laughing too, drunk on the feeling of Gable’s arms as they wrap around him, holding him to their chest as they both dissolve into giggles.

Here is a love song he knows. They can forget it in the morning, if they want to. They probably won’t.

[blacksdale]

take me back

a crappy zoyalai fic

sh:zoyalai angst, sadness based on chinese satellite by phoebe bridgers ao3

Zoya had been foolish to think she could make it through tonight sober.

It was a bit funny because typically, she would have loved to be at a wedding like this. The easy environment, the food, the champagne, the way the guests put aside their differences for a night or two, allowing for two souls in love to experience what should be the greatest night of their lives.

Which is why she felt like the biggest fucking joke of them all. Maybe if she weren’t drunk, she could be present at the moment, think about the joy of the party she’d be lost in if it were any other occasion. But she hadn’t taken into consideration the sheer shock of today; how the ceremony hit her right in the face and she had not comprehended what it might mean for her. She had an opportunity, and she blew it. Because he asked her first and she had said no. It could’ve been–should’ve been–her in that dress, with her husband smiling and thanking those who were giving them congratulations. It could’ve been the best night of their life.

I've been running around in circles Pretending to be myself

She knew he felt the same way she did, which should’ve given her some reassurance. But he still smiled. He was probably joking too.

She took another glass of wine from the table beside her, not caring who it belonged to. Those people had better shots of getting through this without a drink.

She saw Genya and David on the dance floor in an embrace, swaying along to the music. She loved them both, but right now even they seemed to sicken her. Everyone here was sickening her. The food and drinks that had come from far and wide from only the best caterers Ravka housed sickened her. The room, decorated in red and gold with string lights swaying from the ceiling, stars shining in the sky visible through the glass roof, the room that she had helped decorate the day before, sickened her.

What sickened her most was the boy across the room, acting like everything was fine, throwing an arm around the shoulders of random diplomats like they were old friends and toasting to the new union and the new alliances that had been made. Every so often, he looked over at her, his smile faltering just a bit, as if someone had told him a bad joke that he was forced to laugh at. She wanted to punch him in the arm, yell at him about how he had made her go insane before jumping into his arms and having him never let go.

Maybe she did have more champagne than was necessary. Yet none of her common sense was able to keep her from downing more. If she drank, she could sleep, and if she could sleep she could wake up and have this be a dream. Though the light seemed too bright for that, or maybe that was the champagne too. Was it possible to get drunk in dreams if you wanted?

Why would somebody do this on purpose When they could do something else?

She needed air, though she didn’t know if it was the stuffy room or the ache in her chest that was choking her. Standing up, however, proved to be a hardship. The hem of her navy blue dress touched the ground, taking its place just under the heel of her shoe, causing her to catch herself on the table. That was the one bad thing about being drunk; she missed being graceful. She dusted herself off, standing up again and using her chair for support as she turned around to walk toward the exit, or was it the buffet table? The room was spinning and she didn’t know which direction she was going anymore.

To her disappointment, it was that of a wall.

Her head was already hurting, and the collision with the maroon-painted wall seemed to make it worse. Zoya stepped back a bit, rubbing the left of her forehead where the edge of the doorway had hit. She leaned back to take a look at her hand as she pulled it away.

Great. The alcohol was already making her woozy and now she had given herself a concussion. Maybe I should just sleep now.

And then, to her dismay, someone caught her.

She looked in front of her to find a pair of black-clad arms under hers, threads of gold embroidery around the wrists, her head pressed uncomfortably against someone’s shoulder.

“Don’t fall just yet, Nazyalensky, you still have a few hours to go.”

Even in her sleep, she knew that voice.

Drowning out the morning birds With the same three songs over and over

She tried to form the thoughts in her head, to form words on her tongue, but all she did was push away from him. She whipped her head to face him, glaring as she gave him a look up and down.

Nikolai still looked handsome as hell since the night started, but he looked even more desirable up close. And now that the party had been going on for a while, he looked just the slightest bit unkempt, a lock of honey-blond hair falling into his forehead, cheeks flushed from the wine, the first button of his crisp white shirt undone.

He was so beautiful it took all her impulse control to keep from crying. She felt her heart begin to swell and her throat begin to go dry and she felt the sudden need to wrap herself in a blanket and hide. It felt awful. She felt awful. She hated him. Did she hate him? Did she love him?

“What the fuck do you want?”

It seemed she hadn’t stopped him from noticing her current condition. He was back to her a second later, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and probably making her look weak. Why was he always the one who made her weak? She wanted to shudder at how familiar this was, his arms around her as he cuddled her close, touch so soft and delicate he never had to talk for her to know he cared, even though he told her anyway. A touch she had come to crave. A lump rose to her throat as she felt his fingers graze her shoulder.

“Come on,” he said, “there’s a guest room up the stairs.”

“But party–”

I wish I wrote it, but I didn't so I learn the words Hum along 'til the feeling's gone forever

“Zoya,” he pressed his lips to her ear, “you wouldn’t wanna see yourself like this either.”

“Like what? It’s not like I wanna see anyone else here.”

Nikolai led her out of the ballroom, steadying her as he brought her to the stairs. The light was easier in the corridors, coming from just a few lanterns along the sides. Her headache started to ease as she got the stairs. She wished nothing more than for him to go away, back to the ballroom to his friends and his wife, to the celebration meant for him and his happiness. But Saints, she was tired.

She was so tired.

She fell onto the landing halfway up the staircase, leaning her back to the wall and leaving him at last. She wished for him to leave, more than anything in the world. If she didn’t have to see him maybe she could have some peace after a while. The aches in her neck from sleeping on the stairs would be worth it.

Instead, he took his place beside her, tilting his head back and exhaling for what looked like the first time in years. He closed his eyes, the lantern light laying a halo over his hair and lashes that fanned his cheeks.

She looked straight ahead, failing to focus on the far wall. “Why are you here?”

He shrugged. “It’s my wedding, darling. It’s rude of me to not show.”

“No, your Idiocy” her voice sounded weaker than she liked, “I meant–”

“This corridor with you?” He nudged her shoulder. “Wouldn’t let you lose it out here alone without my presence to keep you sane.”

At this point, she was too far gone to tell him he was wrong. Or right. Was there still a distinction? She wracked her brain for reasons that proved one or the other; her thoughts seemed to be barren for a way to confirm.

“Besides,” he continued, “I wanted a break.”

Took a tour to see the stars But they weren't out tonight So I wished hard on a Chinese satellite

Please. She scoffed and pulled away from him, rolling her eyes. “Break from what?”

He pondered in silence, and she sensed him shaking even though he didn’t seem to know himself. “Everything.”

He didn’t have anything to be upset about. Saints, it was his wedding. If he didn’t like the girl, at least he liked gifts and the attention. Worst case scenario, the one thing he liked would be the food.

“Oh,” she rolled her eyes, turning to face him, volume in her voice rising, “like the congratulations and the decoration and the alliances and all the benefits for Ravka and the music and cake. It’s a wedding and you’re acting like it’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to you.” It’s pretty horrible for me.

“Zoya, you have no reason to be mad. This day hurt me just as much as it hurt you!”

“Well then why did you trick me?!” She yelled, feeling the tears start to stream down her face. “You tricked me,” she said, voice so faint that it was almost lost to the sound from the ballroom. She saw Nikolai’s eyes widen out of the corner of her eye, and she brought her knees to her chest and leaned against the wall once more, shivering despite the warmth housed in her chest.

He kept his eyes trained on his hands, his voice barely audible. “How would I have tricked you?”

So he had the luxury of being oblivious. “Into thinking it was all going to be okay.” She wrapped her arms around her legs. “That this wedding wasn’t ever happening, at least not with her. That we could figure something out before it came to this.”

I want to believe Instead I look at the sky and I feel nothing

He swallowed, placing a hand on her arm, running a finger back and forth in soothing patterns. “I never meant to trick you,” he avoided her eyes, “no more than I tricked myself.”

The conversation went still, the atmosphere filling with tense silence that she wished had been reserved for other people, all the sound in the hall coming from the entrance to the ballroom. Nostalgia filled her as she remembered when it had been easy for them to make small talk, sit in a room together and talk about nothing when nothing significant had happened.

If only they were insignificant.

“You get used to it,” he murmured, “after a while.”

Zoya’s voice came out small when she spoke. “Used to what?”

He moved his arm back to her shoulders as she heard him give a light chuckle. “Appearing optimistic even when everything falls apart.”

You know I hate to be alone I want to be wrong

Her eyes started to water without warning, her cheeks beginning to rush red with alcohol and confusion and heartbreak. Saints, this was supposed to be easy. She had let people go all the time, regardless of what they felt. This wasn’t supposed to happen. People needed reasons to cry, and yet, her tears flowed without care.

She rubbed her eyes with her hands, wiping the tears from her cheeks as she felt her head fall into his shoulder. She smiled, trying to keep her eyes focused on the wall in front of her. Zoya could almost feel the blankets around them, her head on his chest as she clung to him, falling asleep to the beat of his heart as he spoke about the future for them that he fantasized, the one that was impossible from the start. She smirked. “Maybe you could gimme lessons.”

He planted a kiss on her temple; she let her eyelashes fall closed to the touch of his lips. “I would never do that to you,” he whispered, pulling her closer as if to protect her from whatever came their way, whatever had already hurt them.

Too late.

“I’m already broken,” she mused, burying her face in his neck as tears ran down her cheek, “what harm could it do?”

Sometimes when I can't sleep It's just a matter of time before I'm hearing things

Nikolai moved his other hand into her jaw, tilting her chin so their eyes met when she looked up at him. “My lovely Zoya, you were never broken,” he told her, keeping his voice low, “just battered and bruised.” He kissed her forehead. “But never broken. Although if you were, I’d love you just the same.”

But was he still allowed to love her now, anyway?

They couldn’t do this anymore. He was married. Saints, they were at his damn wedding. Why was she here? Why was he here? How did any of them end up here at all? It wasn’t allowed before. It was not allowed now. She pushed away from him, feeling an abrupt cold was over her, contrasting the warmth she had felt from the champagne.

Back to reality, they went. There was no use in imagining a future that was never going to take place. The rest was already too painful.

“Nikolai,” she mustered all the steel she had, “go back to the party.” She pushed away, wrapping her arms around herself and looking down at the carpet so he would no longer see her cry.

“Zoya–” he reached for her arm. She felt his finger brush her wrist, and it took too much control to not run into him.

“I said go!” She repeated with her teeth clenched.

“Zoya, please–”

“Go!” She yelled, squeezing her eyes shut as she heard his footsteps tread back towards the ballroom. Please, she begged her thoughts, don’t let me remember this tomorrow. She already felt her lungs being ripped out to remember her head in her hands as he left for the final time.

Swore I could feel you through the walls But that's impossible

His absence had already left a hole in her that she couldn’t fill; all she wished was that he didn’t feel the same.

[xkaylinh]

Concert Diary: Sasami at the Echo on January 4, 2019

The intro to this post is going to be a bit longer and a bit different. I want to provide a bit of context to explain how I came to look forward to a concert so much without first becoming familiar with much of the artist's music as I usually would. Yeah, so I'd usually just jump into talking about the day of the concert experience. Not this time. My blog, my rules.

The first time I saw, heard, or even heard of Sasami was when I saw her opening for Soccer Mommy. The moment she walked on stage, I thought, Oh cool, another Asian female musician to follow. (Yeah, I know, it's not cool to lump artists together just because of their gender or race. I just get so excited, so shush.) A couple months and a half a dozen shows later, I found myself thinking, I should probably listen to more Sasami, her set was really good. To my dismay, I found that she only had two songs out.

But to my surprise, those two songs were all I needed. The video for “Not the Time” was so wholesome, but what hooked me was the lyrics. They perfectly put into words what I was feeling and going through at this time in my life. I would eventually listen to the song about a hundred times on repeat on Spotify. I didn’t give “Callous” as much attention leading up to the show, but when she introduced the song, she said it was about “the ending of a platonic relationship, which can be just as bad as the ending of a sexual one,” and I thought, That’s totally me right now. It's kind of funny in a way, I think, that “Not the Time”/”Callous” kind of came into my life at just the right time.

Also, ever since Phoebe Bridgers unexpectedly joined Soccer Mommy and Sasami on stage that one time and Sasami posted on Instagram comparing them to the three chipmunks, I’ve been following on Twitter and Instagram many of the artists who I’ve seen live, and Sasami has definitely been one of the most interesting, so I was looking forward to the kind of banter she’d conjure up in between songs. (Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s a run-on sentence. Shhhh.)

Whew, that took four paragraphs. Okay, here we go, day of the show. I ate at home because I wanted to try not to spend so much money. (Boo, that’s boring.) I found free street parking next to an elementary school a few blocks away from the venue. (Ooh, that’s smart.) This was my second time at the Echo. I walked past 826LA’s Time Travel Mart and was like, Wait, I know this place. But also, get this: not only are the two within walking distance from each other, there’s also a bookstore in between them that I didn’t even know about!

At 7:30, I walked up to the venue and asked if this was the entrance, the one guy said yeah. I asked when doors was for the Sasami show (because there was another thing going on at the Echoplex), the other guy said 8:30. I asked if this was where the line’s supposed to be, the first guy said yeah. I was the first one there. It was cold. So I said, okay, cool, I’ll be back, and then I walked to the bookstore to take a look around.

The bookstore is cramped and tiny. But it has a pretty neat selection of stuff. And a cafe. That also serves… beer? Interesting. I guess that makes sense. Literary people sure like their caffeine and alcohol. I saw a book from one of my former professors and thought, Hey, maybe I should get this. But what about the whole not spending money thing? Ughh. So I just kept browsing, killing time until the show.

At 8:00, I checked and saw that a line started forming at the venue, so I lined up to get in. Surely enough, about a half hour later, we started being let in. It took me a couple seconds to recognize that this was the place I first saw Japanese Breakfast. There are benches lining the walls, a merch table on one side, and a bar at the other. Apparently, there’s also a patio, which I didn’t notice the first time I was here. There were not one, but two disco balls spinning from the ceiling. Looking down at the floor as I walked made me a little dizzy, so I eventually decided to stay put, way up front. A few photographers stood next to me taking pictures throughout the show, which was kind of annoying but also kind of interesting to see them work.

The first act, Rebecca Schiffman, didn’t come up until 9:30, much later than I’d expected (I guess I thought 8:30 was show start, not doors, and so I was in the area a lot earlier than I needed to be). She kind of reminded me of Sidney Gish, that whole youthful-singer-songwriter vibe, but a little more serious in her lyricism and style. She’d sing a song that sounded really deep and thoughtful, then follow up with something like, “That was about a turtle,” or, “That was about a dog,” which was actually quite charming. She had a band that was accompanying her for just this show. I think I’ve seen her bassist perform before with someone else. They were all wearing Doc Martens, because Doc Martens was sponsoring the show. (Each person got a 20% off coupon at the door. Pretty cool way to do advertising, I guess.) At one point, she said, “To everyone who voted no on whether I should buy this jumpsuit, look! it has pockets for my picks.”

I spotted Sasami in the crowd before and during Rebecca’s set. She was in a pretty cool jacket, but she walked on stage without it. I guess you get hot when you’re performing. As expected (because, like, I’ve seen her before), she had a huge attitude and a great energy. The way she said “Hello” into the mic real loud repeatedly was kind of jarring, but mostly funny. She made jokes about dead mom jokes being funny (her mom’s not dead), and about backing out of heckling (apparently a bit that was planned with her friend but not executed as intended). At one point, she said, “I ran out of things to say, so I’ll just repeat things you shout at me,” which she did. At another point, she said something along the lines of, “So yeah, that was a joke about sex. My brother’s here. That’s fine, he has four kids, so he’s had sex at least four times. Ewww. Also my dad’s here. But he’s partially deaf, so he probably didn’t hear it.” Another memorable bit was when she said, “My guitar was out of tune. My Korean side gave that performance a C-. But my white side said, Eh, good job.” She was completely herself and gave zero fucks what people thought of her, which was really endearing in a way.

Her persona in between songs is different than when she’s actually performing, though. She loses herself in her songs: her facial expressions are very, uh, expressive, and during instrumental bits, she’d rock out like crazy, at one point almost kicking down her other guitar. In addition to “Not the Time” and “Callous,” there were a couple other songs I kind of recognized from my first time seeing her. A lot of the lyrics seemed to be about friendships or relationships that didn’t quite make it for one reason or another. She was accompanied by a bassist and a drummer, and brought up another guitarist for the last few songs--and all of them were women, which was super cool.

Slut Island was next, but I was tired and my feet hurt, so I left. Maybe I’ll look them up later; it seemed like a lot of people were there for them.

I went back to the bookstore and bought my professor’s book, and something from Amy Tan that was on their $1 cart outside. So much for not spending money.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BsPTXUihqoZ/

[victorywaffles]

I decided to just make my own post and answer some of these questions bc I’m a) bored b) a lil bit self obsessed and c) no one on this hell site actually talks to me lmao

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

my bf

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

shy until you get to know me

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

@bedoinkle and @yoinks VERY SOON

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

Yes and has many times lol

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

Nice, tall ones with pretty eyes and good hair and a good sense of humor

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

I really hope so since I’ve been in one for the past decade

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

David Tennant

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

either my bf or Sam

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

Juice - Lizzo

D.R.E.A.M. - Miley Cyrus

Scott Street - Phoebe Bridgers

Truth Hurts - Lizzo

Motion Sickness - Phoebe Bridgers

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

Almost definitely

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

Hahaha no

21. What are you bad habits?

I get irritable very easily, I procrastinate everything, I’m lazy, I’m self indulgent and a little self centered, ummm... there’s plenty more lol

22. Where would you like to travel?

Everywhere but especially England/Europe

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

Sipping coffee and settling in for the day to get stuff done

26. What do you do when you wake up?

Check all my notifications, scroll through Instagram and Twitter, finally get out of bed and get coffee

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

My boyfriend, my friends

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

Yes and we’ve been together again for 5 years now HA

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

Ohhhh my god that’s an awful question I don’t know. I really don’t. TV is like 65% of my personality so I feel like I have to say music

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

Hahaha yeah that was basically my main hobby in middle school

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

“So.... yeah... (long sigh or nervous laugh)”

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

Nice, tallish, darker hair, funny, likes the same media I do, has nice eyes

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

Urban Outfitters, H&M, Anthropologie, TJ Maxx, Target

40. What do you want to do after high school?

hahahhahahahaha im way too old to be on this site

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

I mean unless you’re like a murderer or a rapist or something

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

a) I’m plotting your murder b) I’m having an existential crisis c) I’m reading d) I’m staring out the window pretending I’m in an indie movie e) all of the above

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

Space for sure, the ocean floor terrifies me

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

Coffee

46. What are you paranoid about?

Omg everything but mostly being murdered

47. Have you ever been high?

Yes

48. Have you ever been drunk?

Oh yes

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

did you mean, my entire life 1994-present (in varying degrees of seriousness) ((joking))

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

ugh I don’t know, I try not to think this way anymore

53. Favourite makeup brand?

Fenty

56. Favourite colour?

Pink

57. Favourite food?

Pasta

58. Last thing you ate?

Panang Curry

59. First thing you ate this morning?

Bagel

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

Spelling bee babeyyyyyy

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

Back of his older brothers car after a day at the mall (lol, Teenage Dream by Katy Perry was playing but that wasn’t cool enough so I told everyone that it was The Only Exception by Paramore which was playing a few minutes before and was my favorite song then

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

My real friends are my tumblr friends

69. Are you watching tv right now?

Yes, the office lol

70. Names of your bestfriends?

Sam, Daina, Becca, Lexi, Nicole

71. Craving something? What?

Vengeance

76. What colour is your underwear?

Black

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

Phish Food by Ben & Jerry’s

81. Favourite tv show?

It varies but I think either the X Files or Gilmore Girls

82. Favourite movie?

I don’t even know. I used to say Moulin Rouge and that still feels pretty right

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

Mean Girls, are you insane????

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

Mean Girls

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

Karen

99. Have any pets?

Ginger cat named Scully

103. Can you spell well?

My spelling is award winning :)

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

Oh sure tons

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

Yes, I’m from the Midwest

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

Ha yes, puberty is a bitch

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

My bf

115. Do you play the Wii?

........ when is this questionnaire from lmao

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

Yes I live for soup

118. Do you like Chinese food?

Fuck yeah

119. Favourite book?

Other than the obligatory Harry Potter, it’s probably Perks of Beinf a Wallflower

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

Mostly I’m afraid of what lives in the dark :)

125. Do you believe in true love?

Yeah but not just one single true love

128. Would you change your name?

Nah. When I was little I used to want to be named Delilah or something. I thought my name was too boring. I was literally Anne if Green Gables lmao

129. What your zodiac sign?

Piscessss

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

I try not to talk to men unless absolutely unavoidable

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

Just like the entirety of Scott Street by Phoebe Bridgers

137. How tall are you?

Five feet even

138. Curly or Straight hair?

Somewhere in between

140. Summer or Winter?

Fall

142. Favourite month?

October

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

Dark

145. Tea or Coffee?

Coffee all day every day

146. Was today a good day?

Yeah it was fine

147. Mars or Snickers?

Snickers bc I’m not British and I don’t actually know what a Mars bar is equal to

148. What’s your favourite quote?

There are literally so so many I couldn’t even begin to list them. The first one that popped into my mind is:

“I know these will all be stories someday, and our pictures will become old photographs. We’ll all become somebody’s mom or dad. But right now, these moments are not stories. This is happening. I can see it. The moment when you know you’re not a sad story. You are alive.” - Perks of Being a Wallflower

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

Oh fuck yeah love me some ghosts

[xkaylinh]

Concert Diary: Soccer Mommy at the Teragram Ballroom on October 16, 2018

Since I was passing by my brother’s workplace, we met up to have dinner. We went to a Korean BBQ place in a food court he visits often, about two blocks away. I got something a little spicy, he got something a little sweet. There was a lot of meat on top of a bit of salad, in a bowl stacked on top of another bowl, which had a ton of rice. From the outside, it looked like something you’d get from Yoshinoya or Panda Express, so I was surprised to see that it was actually two bowls you could put side-to-side. It was interesting, and also very tasty.

“So, who are you going to see tonight?” “She’s called Soccer Mommy.” “Is she a soccer mommy?” “No. I think she’s younger than me. It’s probably meant to be ironic.” “She could still be a mom.” “A soccer mom, though?” “Hey, you never know.”

We got drinks at Target. Well, that was the plan, anyway. I got a root beer, he got a jar of peanut butter. I guess they ran out at his place. “You’re not drinking that, are you?” “Heck yeah, I am! Gonna finish this whole thing right here, right now!” “Gross!” “Imagine if this were an eating competition, and you weren’t allowed to drink anything.” “I think you’d die.”

The venue was a few blocks away. I walked over a bridge atop a freeway. I thought of shows and movies in which people would jump. I was glad I got past the point in my life.

It was standing room only. Like, after the lobby, it was literally one huge room with a stage at one end of it and a bar at the other. I remember it being lit with a kind of eerie blue light. And hot. I felt a breeze at one point, noticed there were fans in the ceiling, and kind of just stood there the whole time. I could’ve moved closer to the stage, but it felt nice with that breeze.

The opener was Sasami. I didn’t know anything about her going in, so I was surprised she was Asian. I looked her up in my phone at the time, but misspelled it as “sasimi” and got a bunch of pictures of raw fish on rice.She was pretty cool, had a kind of “no fucks given” vibe going. I was pretty instantly intrigued by her music. It was still pop rock, but something about it just sounded different, unique. Apparently she was in some band I never heard of, before working on solo stuff. She doesn’t have an album out yet, but the two songs on Spotify are pretty nice.

I think Sophie had her hair up. It’s only been a couple months and I already can’t remember. There was just something about her appearance that was a little unexpected, but it was something simple, so it must’ve been her hair. Anyway, she was super chill during the whole thing, like, even more so than Sasami was. I remember there was some banter, some laughs, she might have made jokes about her guitarist. He kind of looked like a grown up Gaten Matarazzo. She didn’t say that, though; that’s just who he reminded me of. I think a couple days later she posted on Instagram wishing him happy birthday. At one point, Sophie mentioned they were serving a cocktail of her own concoction, some mix of alcohol and energy drink. “It’s good, but like, don’t have too much of it. I think you’d die.” They played all my favorite songs from the album, and it was cool to see how effortlessly she switched between the slower and faster songs. At the end, she did a cover song, bringing up Sasami and -gasp!- Phoebe Bridgers onto the stage to join her. (That was technically the first time I saw Phoebe. For one song. I saw her later with boygenius.) Sasami later posted a pic of them on twitter, accompanied by a pic of Alvin and the Chipmunks, which I thought was hilarious.

The merch line for Soccer Mommy was pretty long, almost made its way out the exit doors. The line for Sasami wasn’t. She was out there selling her own merch, which was cool. I almost wanted to walk up to her and be like, “Oh hey, you’re Asian! Me, too!” but that would’ve been super awkward, like, what would I have followed that up with? (Her shirts are almost as funny as Phoebe’s. Band shirts aren’t usually funny, so I thought that was worth mentioning.) I got a CD of Soccer Mommy’s album. I think that might have actually been the first time I got a CD at a show.

Walking out, I saw Phoebe chatting with some peeps on the sidewalk. In that context, she’s just a regular person. I mean, they all are. I just have to remind myself that every once in a while. Cool.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BpBJryOD_LB/