#the power balance is way off in a situation like that and bj didn't even learn hj's choreo??? there was no respect on his side

[nenasspot]

seeing harry june and baekjin pitted against each other in be mbitious made me sad bc it meant i would lose one of them,, but baekjin... your attitude was horrible and I'm so very glad it cost you

[amrv-5]

Parker I am literally here just to ask if giving Beej a danger kink was intentional or if I misread his reaction here because my erotic-monster-romance writing ass has been haunted. HAUNTED, I SAY.

BJ returned his hand to Hawkeye’s hair, his pulse spiking. He shoved up against Hawkeye’s weight, but Hawkeye pinned him easily with his forearm, and BJ let out a quiet moan, his hips jumping, his belly heaving in reactive pleasure.

Hawkeye opened his mouth wider, teeth scraping against BJ’s skin. Not breaking it. Not quite. Not yet. It wasn’t time. 

“You could kill me,” BJ said, a gasp, a revelation. 

Hawkeye growled again, possessive, baring his teeth, spit smearing across his chin, slicking BJ’s neck, blood running hot just below the skin. He could. It would be easy. The first time was simple. And that had been a hunt. But this time, with the thing laid out underneath him willingly, open, inviting, baring its neck to him, completely submissive, deferential to his sheer power? It’d be the simplest thing in the world. 

“But you wouldn’t,” BJ breathed. “You wouldn’t, would you? You could, but you’d never—” BJ’s pulse was picking up, his hold on the back of Hawkeye’s neck intensifying, until, with a shattered gasp, he came, and tightened his grip so suddenly Hawkeye’s fangs punctured BJ’s neck. 

ahehehehe hiiiiiiii thank you for the ask love this. answer below the cut for length pretentiousness and NSFW:

anyway YES!!! HAHAHAHA YES!!!! YOU READ THAT RIGHT!!!!

For me this was running a balance between a danger kink and BJ getting off on some really complex power dynamics he's only just realized he's into. There's the obvious sexiness of the very present danger, Hawk essentially with a weapon to his throat, but he's also really into I think both the fact that 1. Hawkeye has overpowered him in the moment... and 2. that, in some ways, BJ thinks HE has the true power in the situation. He's both extremely vulnerable and yet believes that he's possibly in control because this Extremely Strong and Dangerous Thing (...so he thinks) would never actually hurt him.

Meanwhile Hawkeye ALSO isn't quite sure how those dynamics are going to play out, either. He's maybe hungry, thinking more than half-seriously about how easy it would be to kill BJ, and yet at the same time he's genuinely focused on bringing him pleasure, and feels possessive of him.

But then again does it only seem to BJ like he's in control because Hawk isn't particularly hungry in that moment? Is he aware that his safety is in fact extremely situational, thus bringing us back to a more straightforward danger kink? There's a reason I didn't have Hawkeye resolve his thought about whether or not he wants to eat or fuck BJ, or if he can even delineate his appetites from each other any more.

So (minor aside that will make sense in a second I promise) when I was writing this fic (as is I think desperately obvious) I was in my senior year of college and taking at the same time a class on the religion, poetry, philosophy and culture of death, and a class on Cronenberg and Lynch. When we watched "They Fly" for seminar, my professor framed flies (and things with fly-like characteristics, like *ahem* Brundlefly) as unsettling because they're "appetitive machines," and that phrasing stuck with me as a central image for the entirety of this fic.

That--this idea of the "appetitive machine"--comes out big time in the feeding AND sex scenes in Aspirin/Sorrow, because I was trying to frame vampirism as this state of mind where all desire starts to meld. So even the objects of that desire (in this case BJ) can't quite tell if they're, you know, going to be eaten or eaten.

So tl;dr absolutely he was getting off on the danger and power because I was blatantly stealing from Cronenberg and a bunch of my fellow classmates' talking points for the whole of that fic thank you to my boy Cronenberg for making his body horror sexy thank you to my overeducated liberal arts hippie pals for having such good thoughts about the sexiness of transformation in Cronenberg's work last year and THANK YOU for READING!!!!!