#the primordial soup that is Me. the essence of me. it’s such a strange novel in many ways and I can’t believe it came out of me but at the

[romanromulus]

finished a read thru of the first draft of my novel and I loved it. loved it. it didn’t deliver on any of the themes, the emotional beats didn’t hit, revelations were glossed over, the characters were more or less cardboard, and I read it in one sitting and couldn’t stop. I loved it. in fact I feel deeply sad about having to rewrite it from scratch because I’m so attached to this flawed little mess. I’m in love with the shadow of the thing, even though I know I’ll love the thing itself even more. oh I’m having a romantic moment. i’m so happy and i’m so scared and so excited and i’m in love! I can’t wait to start the second draft and at the same time i’m putting off starting it. big weird feelings and all of them are gooey