#the secret lives of ketterdam's teachers

[sprnklersplashes]

jump then fall (ao3)

part two of the secret lives of ketterdam's teachers. kanej edition.

She is not going to cry.

The staff room is deserted when she enters, emptied out by luck or divine intervention. Inej hurries to the corner of the room, safely tucked away from any nosy Year Ten who would glance through the window. She’s always had a strange gift for fitting into small spots. She never imagined that'd help her teaching career.

Wedged tightly between the computer desk and the wall, she wraps her arms around shoulders and wills herself to be calm. When she tries to breathe, it’s a shaky, shuddering thing, like a car engine that won’t start. It hitches in her chest, once, twice, three times, and then her eyes burn. 

The promise she made to herself slowly slips away, pushed back by a lump in her throat, a tremor in her hands, a wave she can’t hold back. She pushes into the wall as if the shame is a physical thing in front of her. She’s pathetic; she hates it but she knows it. She’s crammed into a corner, sobbing harder than she has in years, all because of a child less than half her age-

“Miss Ghafa?” 

Inej starts. If not for the wall behind her, she’d have jumped ten feet backwards. Heat burns in her cheeks like coals, her gut sinking heavily when she looks up and sees who’s joined her.

“Mister Brekker,” she croaks. 

Kaz Brekker is in all honesty, a mystery. Inej likes to think she knows him better than some others; they co-teach personal development during the spring term and she sat beside him at the school show. They even got roped into doing the Year Seven day trip last year, although Inej wasn’t under any pretences that it’d meant anything. They’ve worked together for years and she knows as much about him as she did at the start. 

Regarding the students, they either think he’s the best teacher to ever exist or they hate him with all they have. He’s not popular with the parents either; he currently (and proudly) holds the record for “most parental complains”. And as for the staff, well, there’s a running joke that they’re not sure he exists. Outside of an odd friendship with Jesper Fahey, he’s clearly not one for socialising. He appears at briefings and meetings and occasionally wanders into the canteen. Staff social events are foreign to him, and the same goes for staff email chains. Mr Brekker is seldom seen outside his classroom, the door to which if kept shut as often as possible. 

Except for now, it seems. Because he’s walking slowly across the cheap carpet, looking at Inej with brown eyes that crease with… dare she say it, concern? Worry?

Saints, has she gotten the famously reclusive teacher out of his nest to come and check on her? Is that where she is right now?

“Is everything quite all right, Miss Ghafa?”

“Yes, yes everything’s fine,” she replies. With a deep breath, she turns her gaze out to the window, her cool fingers ghosting her warm cheek. She feels, rather than sees, Brekker grow still. She even senses his hands folding over his can. He always cuts quite a foreboding image in his all-black ensembles, making students and staff shrink in his presence. Here though, in this empty room, he’s a very different kind of chilling. Inej can wrap herself as tight as she can, but it doesn’t stop the feeling of Brekker seeing past her defenses, right through to the humiliation swelling inside her chest. 

There’s a long, long pause, and then Brekker says quietly, “You don’t look fine.” 

And that’s all it takes.

The tears come in thick, heavy gasps, burning like acid through Inej’s hands. Her shoulders shake, followed by her whole body. The events of the past hour pull back and crash into her like a car driven with a vengeance. Not even the ringing in her ears can block out that students’ words, the way his peers chuckled under their breath, the muttered comments as they left her class.

She grabs the side of the table, and she may have hit the floor, were it not for the chair pushed her way and coffee placed beside her. She takes it almost instinctively, somewhat desperately, the way one would grab a lifeboat in an ocean. Warmth seeps into her hand, and as it does, her mind clears. She feels the carpet against her boots, the chair against her spine. And she also becomes aware of the presence standing a few feet away from her, eyes trained on his own cup. 

Brekker just blinks and then nods to her cup.

“Oat milk, right?”

“Right,” she answers. Under his unreadable gaze, she takes a few sips. As the heat floods her chest, her lungs expand and she can breathe. It doesn’t stop the way shame burns her cheeks, hotter now that Brekker is here witnessing it. But it does keep her where she is, and she isn’t unhappy about that.

Brekker doesn’t press, not initially. He keeps sipping his own coffee, occasionally casting her a glance or rifling through his folder. 

“Rough lesson?” he asks when she’s about halfway through her cup.

“You could say that,” she mutters. She places the cup on the table and looks out the window, keeping her hand tight on the ceramic. Her eyes wander to the window again. The mid-afternoon sun turns the carpark a weak gold, and the third-floor window means she can see all the way to the canals on the other side of Ketterdam. Sights like this usually calm her, but not today. Views and cups of coffee do nothing to quiet the scenes in her head.

“Do you want to perhaps… talk about it?” 

“Just… kids being kids,” she sighs bitterly. “Kids being… awful, terrible kids.” And her, apparently, caring about what those awful, terrible kids think. She leaves that part out though. Just the idea of saying it makes her cringe, let alone saying it to Mr Brekker. His icy glare has sent even the toughest lads scurrying. If she admitted to him what the words of a few obnoxious not-even-teenagers did to her? 

She doesn’t know if he’d laugh. She doesn’t want to find out. 

“You know how it is.”

“Indeed,” he responds. He straightens up and takes another, long sip of coffee. Inej does the same, considering returning to her classroom and hiding out in there, only for Brekker to speak again. “I saw you at the beginning of this period. You had Year Sevens, correct?”

She blinks. “Yeah.”

Brekker’s lip curls into a knowing smile. The motion reminds Inej of a snake.

“And I believe Alby Rollins is in that group, isn’t he?”

Inej stiffens. Saints only know how Brekker figured it out. Maybe he heard Alby saying something, or maybe he overheard her lesson. Maybe it was a lucky guess given the amount of teachers who’ve had issues with Rollins. Whatever it is, just the sound of his name turns Inej’s blood cold, and her mind is blaze once again.

“She won’t do anything. She’s such a useless bloody teacher and this is a stupid fucking-”

“Inej.” She jerks, just barely avoiding spilling her coffee, and suddenly Brekker is closer to her. There’s still enough space for her to breathe, but he’s close enough that she can see the light catch in his eyes and he can certainly see the tears gathering in hers. 

“Sorry,” she mumbles. She clears her throat. “Yes. Yes it was Alby Rollins.” Her sigh is loud, heavy, laced with everything she so desperately wants to get off her chest. “He had some choice opinions on my lesson.” She swallows again. “And my ability to teach it.”

“Well I think the last thing Alby Rollins should be critiquing is someone’s teaching ability,” Brekker sighs. “Not when he’s near the end of Year Seven and couldn’t explain to my market research is important.” Inej frowns, confused, and when Brekker sees it he just shrugs. “I had him for business studies last term. I hated it.” She laughs at that, the sound both unfamiliar and welcome, and pulls her chair closer. “Doesn’t help, of course that his father is an absolute wanker.”

“Brekker!” she scolds. “You can’t just say that-”

“Can’t I?” he asks. His grin is wicked sharp, and his eyes light up when he asks, “Have you ever dealt with his father?” She shakes her head, and now its his turn to laugh. “Last term, after I’d given Alby a detention for disrupting my lesson again, he came in proudly saying that if I tried that again, his father would get me replaced, just like…” He snaps his gloved fingers. “That.”

“Wow,” she breathes. “So did you try it again?”

“I tried it the next lesson,” he responds. “Just had to see what the almighty Mr Rollins had in store for me.”

“And…”

“Well I’m still here, aren’t I?” She’s laughing before she realises it, her smile not disappearing as she downs her coffee. It feels good, really good, sitting and laughing like this. Even if it’s with Kaz Brekker of all people and even if it doesn’t stop the doubts crawling over her like ants.

His bitter-coffee eyes narrow then, and his gaze seems to go right through her.

“Listen, Miss Ghafa,” he tells her. “Alby Rollins is a brat. He’s a brat with a father who thinks he can do no wrong and one day is going to find himself in water so hot even Daddy’s money can’t save him.” He raises his cup. “And when that happens, I personally will be laughing and opening a 70-year-old Scotch and I would be more than happy for you to join me.”

The corners of her mouth curl and she bites back a laugh.

“One would say that’s unprofessional, Brekker.”

“I would say to hell with professionalism.” He pulls on his glove and avoids her gaze. “And I would say that you are a damn good teacher. No matter what some pithy hormonal preteen has to say about it.” He leans back then, leather fingers flexing. With a demeanor as nonchalant as this, he doesn’t look like he should be a teacher. He looks like he should be on a street corner somewhere, running a less-than-legal business venture. He should be changing the world, for better or worse.

“You teach Alina Starkov, don’t you? Year Ten?”

“Yes.”

“She’s in my form,” he tells her. “And according to her, you taught the Suli culture unit better than anyone else could.”

“I am Suli,” she reminds him. “So it’s hardly a fair competition.”

“Tamar Kir-Bataar too,” he says. “This year they said that if they didn’t have you for religionthey would, and I quote, throw themself off the top of this saints forsaken building.” He smiles then, a little bit crooked and with a fondness that doesn’t match his reputation. “I only remember that because I was legally obligated to log it as a safeguarding concern.” Inej huffs a laugh, the sound soft, delicate, like an early spring breeze. Her fingers once again drift to her face, but this time, it’s to hide the growing smile. Even though tears dry under her callouses.

“My point is…” he says. “You are a good teacher. Far too good to care about the opinion of some rotten little twat who drives half the staff here completely insane.”

And then it’s her turn to duck her head. Warmth spreads over her cheeks, but this time it’s not from shame.

“Thank you, Mr Brekker.”

There’s a long, long moment where he says nothing. She watches as he picks up his cane, rolls it between his fingers, and downs his coffee. Without a word, he heads to the door. Unease slowly creeps into her then, threatening to block out everything that’s come before. She doesn’t react as his gloved hand sets on the door handle, forcing herself to look out the window instead. And then-

“It’s Kaz.”

Her head whips around, hair falling in front of her face. He’s still standing at the door, expression unreadable, hand tight around his cane. Even his voice is restrained, tight like the laces on a corset. More like the Mr Brekker the school knows, except-

“We’ve worked together for a few years now. You can call me Kaz.” She nods. The words feel clumsy in her mouth, the syllables unfamiliar, but when she says them, she finds they’re more than welcome. 

“Thank you… Kaz.” 

He nods at her, the gesture charged with meaning she feels she can’t grasp, and then he’s gone. She turns the mug around on the table. A brown ring is already forming beneath it. The clock tells her she has half an hour before her dreaded lunch duty. She could go back to her classroom, open up the admin she needs to get done for the day. Make a dent in it so there’s less to keep her here after three.

She doesn’t. Instead, she tucks her legs beneath her and looks out the window, all the way to glittering canals across the city. She can almost feel what it’s like to be there, salt spray on her face and wind in her hair. Just like how she can still feel Kaz Brekker, tucked in his classroom on the other side of the corridor, somehow brand new and more of a mystery than he ever was before.

[onlymexsarah]

Promise pt. 5 || Kaz Brekker

Summary: When the life of Kaz is threated by her presence, she had to make a crucial decision that will bring misunderstanding among the two of them. Now that he has his Fire Girl, will he be able to keep her, or Dirtyhand will mess everything up?

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x grisha!Reader

Warning: angst, Kaz being Dirtyhands for ten minutes straigh, spoiler of Six of Crows, my english.

A/N: Thank all of you for the comments, the likes and the shares. I didn't expected that this little idea would have captured your attention, really you made my writing more enjoyable and easy. I'm so sorry if I'm late but I've been sick these days and I couldn't finish the chapter :( there are a lot of things that I want to tell you, see you at the end of the chapter ;)

PT. 1 - PT. 2 - PT. 3 - PT. 4

MAIN MASTERLIST

Few days passed with the girl lying on her bed recovering from the wound that the fight gave her.

When she opened her eyes after have fainted in Kaz's arms, fear had been the first to come to visit her. Fear of being already tied at some bed on a ship, sold at the Shu that would have been more than happy to make experiment on her. She was scared that the temptation must have been too much for Kaz Brekker to have such a value grisha in his hands, but then she noticed she was in her room at the Slat and a rush of tiredness hit her making her sleep again.

The other times she opened her eyes someone among Jesper, Inej and Wylan was always at her side, changing the bandage and bringing her food.

Inej told her that her father, Jan Van Eck, was now aware that she was part of the Dregs, and she was under Kaz Brekker's protection. Everyone was aware she was a grisha, but neither Jesper and Inej seemed to mind her lie, maybe because they had secrets too, she though.

A morning a letter came for Kaz, a letter from her father.

Mister Brekker

we never had the occasion to meet, and you'll agree with me when I say that I wish to keep things like this. Voice is spread that you have my beloved daughter with you. I hope you understand that she is a danger for this city. I've sent her away many years ago with the only interest of protecting Kerch from her, but I see that I could have done things in a better way.

It is as a father that I ask you to bring her to me so that I can repair my mistakes. She is a danger for all of us if not under control, Mister Brekker, and I am sure you saw it yourself last night. She has to face a trial for her crimes and be sent where she can't be a danger for anyone anymore. If she doesn't come back in seven days, I should consider you and your Dregs as her accomplices, planning to attack Ketterdam and all Kerch using her power.

Surely a smart men as yourself doesn't want those kind of problems.

Hope to see my city safe again,

Jan Van Eck.

Inej had brough the letter at her in the afternoon, and in the evening the grisha girl was already planning her escaping from Ketterdam for the third time in her life.

She didn't want to leave Wylan, hell she had promised him they wouldn't split up ever again, but if her plan worked then he would have been able to follow her after few months. If the Van Eck siblings moved together they would have caught too much attention, and they had to do everything in secrets.

Wylan tried to convince her to stay. He was sure that Kaz would have helped her, Wylan was sure that Kaz Brekker would have sealed all Ketterdam to keep her save, and even if as her brother he didn't like her closeness with the Bastard of the Barrel, he couldn't deny that it was useful.

"I'm putting all of you in danger just staying here. If I go away father will have nothing to threat you with." she said putting her clothes in her bags. Seven days, she couldn't give her father the time to close all the harbours in Kerch. If she wanted to go she had to do it as soon as possible.

"Talk to Kaz! Let see what he says, please." begged Wylan grabbing her hands in his to stop her.

She looked in his beautiful blue eyes and saw hope. "You really think Kaz has the power to keep me here?"

Her brother smirked. "I think Kaz would tear apart this city to keep you save. Talk to him, keep your options open."

Dirtyhands would never fight a battle where he couldn't win money, but Y/n was willing to try. That night after dinner she decided she would speak with Kaz and see if he was willing to keep her.

"Let see what the great Kaz Brekker think about it." she sighed putting her arm around Wylan's shoulder and walking downstair where their dinner waited them.

Kaz Brekker sat in his office, in his gloved hands the red handkerchief and Jan Van Eck's letter. Before that morning the death of Van Eck had been one of the many he wanted to deal with for what he had done to his Fire Girl, but now his death had taken a shape, colours and many details that Kaz's was adding one by one.

Brick by brick, Kaz would take all his enemies down, and Y/n was more than welcome to take her revenger with him.

He went downstair at the second floor walking toward Y/n's room. He wanted to check how she was, and speak with her about how she wanted to deal with her father. He didn't know if she wanted his actual death, but he was just fine with torture.

When he reached the door and looked inside his blood froze. All her things were packed in three bags, all her clothes were gone from her wardrobe and none of her objects were around the room. Neither the little portrait of she and baby Wylan that she kept on her bedside table before falling asleep.

She is leaving you.

These words felt like a stab in his chest, like someone had taken the oxigen from his lungs. Would she, leave him? Yes. Y/n would find a better life everywhere out Kerch, it was reasonable that she was already packing. When she wanted to leave? Where she wanted to go?

He knew nothing about it and Kaz Brekker always knew everything. Especially of what happened in his Slat. But this time the girl was leaving him, again, and she hadn't had talked with him about it. She hadn't advised him. Did you really think she was going to live this life just for you? For a man who can't even hold her hands without hyperventilate? A man who can't give her the love she deserve?

The fear he saw in her eyes when she saved his life with her power wasn't because she was feared of his rejection; she feared that he would have send her out of the Dregs, without protection and away from her brother.

He stormed back in his office, anger filled his boody and what else? Disappointment? Sadness? He was angry with himself because he had been a fool again. He had let someone playing with him again, that's what Y/n had been doing. She had been toying with him. She had made sure to have a safe place where live, a job and her brother beside her. Every little nice things she did for him was just to keep him close, to keep Dirtyhands at bay.

Like a fury he threw everything that was on his desk on the floor with his arms. Documents, the handkerchief, the letters, were all on the floor but he couldn't care less. She wanted to leave? Fine. Dirtyhands didn't care.

A known shiver crossed his spine before he heard a knock at his door.

"What?" he didn't look up when the girl entered, too focus on something in the drawers of his desk.

"Wow, and I though to be the one who had a bad day." she joked looking the mess at his feet.

He didn't smile, or smirked. He kept his eyes on something she coudn't see. "What bussiness?"

What bussiness. Those words were the greeting in Ketterdam when two bussiness men met, but the grisha girl though that she and Kaz had passed that step. He must had really a bad day, and it could have been because of the letter...she though sadly.

Who knew what other problems her father had caused around Ketterdam to earn the attention of Kaz, to push him to hand her in his hands.

"My father...I don't want any of you to be in danger because of me." she said carefully walking closer to his desk. A glimp of red captured her eyes but the pain at her waist made her close her eyes for a second.

"I'd say it's too late for it, isn't it?" he asked coldly. She took a step behind, taken back by his coldness toward her. "You seemed to enoy keeping secrets, didn't you? Do you know how easier it would have been knowing about your being grisha months ago?"

That wasn't the boy who had brough her in his arms out from the gala. He wasn't the boy who fought beside her, spied beside her and saved her a couple of time.

"I am sorry, I truly am Kaz. But I know what is the price of being a grisha here...it wouldn't have been easy for me walking with a target on my back. I have done it my whole life."

He refused to look her in the eyes, and it was driving her crazy. Was he really that mad at her that he couldn't bare even the sight of her?

"You decided for yourself, a thing you tend to do often I see." she was sure he had never spoken to her like that, neither in his bad days, and Kaz Brekker had a lot of bad days. "You swore loyalty to the Dregs, to the Crows. If you can't trust us then you shouldn't stay here."

He had said the crucial words, and there was no going back. She wanted to leave, then he would make sure to let her believe that he didn't care. That he didn't care about not finding his hot coffee on his desk again, or that from that day on he wouldn't feel the shivers in his spine anymore. He pretended to not care about not seeing her anymore. She had left him once, he could survive it a second time.

"That's it? That's what you want?" she felt her voice dying in her throat. Was her mistake that big? You knew that once Kaz knew what you were he would have pushed you away like everyone else. 'No one will understand you as the other of your kind', Baghra once told her, but when she met Kaz she believed that her old teacher was wrong. Kaz Brekker had been her safe harbour when no one else would care about her, was she so easily replaceable for him?

"You would have leave anyway at some point, you said it yourself the first time we met at the Club. Today, tomorrow, in five years...I don't see the difference." he shrugged like he didn't care.

He doesn't, her mind reminded her.

"Alright then...I don't want to be of any trouble to you anymore..." she whispered with her hands behind her back. She hated how little she felt, but he was sendind her away. Kaz Brekker, the boy she'd die for. The boy who had let her felt hope again after years, the boy who made her laugh even when he surely didn't mean it. The boy in who she was willing to put the most important years of her long life, that boy was sending her away without looking back.

"Then go." he said fixing his eyes in hers. She could feel the sharpness of his eyes cutting her chest.

"Fine, then I'll just-" she stopped talking when her eyes landed on the red thing she had seen before. A red handkerchief. Her feet moved on their own will. Before she could register what was happening she had the red handkerchief in her hands, her eyes fixed on the three letters on it. W. V. E.

"Y/n don't-" Kaz stood up trying to stop her but it was too late.

"Why do you have my brother's hand-" she was confused, but then her eyes raised to the boy in front of her. His brown eyes, his dark hair and pale skin, and in a second her mind brough her a memory.

The little boy smiled standing before her. He was at the same height of her belly, but his eyes seemed older.

"I have still things to do, and people I need to find. " the last words said with rage.

"Take care of yourself, boy. Don't let the bad days winning your good ones, there is always light at the end of a tunnel; you only have to walk a little more."

And then another.

"What is you name little boy?"

"K-..." he stopped for a long moment thinking about it. He looked the girl beside him and even if he wanted to trust her he just couldn't after what happened. "Jordie..."

"J-Jordie?" she asked, her voice trembling. "I-...You are not him, aren't you?" he stayed silent, looking her like a statue. "You would have told me if you were him...Kaz you are not the little boy I met eight years ago, right?!"

Her voice raised squeezing the handkerchief in her right fit.

She saw him gulped before answering slowly. "Yes, I am."

She took two huge steps back breathing eavily. He had known me all along. "Why you've never said anything? That day when you approached me, you knew who I was and you offered me a...job..."

"Can you keep a secret?" she asked touching his shoulder with her own. The boy, whose name wasn't obviously Jordie, nodded looking her curiously. She smirked bringin her left hand on her right one and rotating them slowly. A flame came out from her right palm, little but still powerful; red and orange like the handkerchief she had given him before.

The boy's eyes shone marveled looking the flame on her palm. "You are a grisha!"

The truth hit her hard. She raised her eyes in his letting him see the betrayal. "You had always knew what I was. That's why you gave me the job...you didn't care that I was new, you didn't care that I was the girl you met when you was a child. You wanted an Inferni to work for you!"

Every words, every attention, every talk they shared were all lies. Nothing of what he said was true, Kaz Brekker didn't need a reason, he didn't need a reason to give a job to a girl new in town, but it was clear that Kaz Brekker always had a reason. She had been only too foolish to not understand everything before.

She thought she was good to keep a secret, but something like her power couldn't pass unnoticed to Kaz Brekker. She had been a fool to believe he didn't know about her power. It was the only reason he kept her in the Dregs since the beginning.

"An inferni would have been very useful, but you have proved to know how to do your job perfectly without your power. Now, if you want to go you are free to do so. Nothing bind you here." he said, his voice cold as death.

You bound me here, she wanted to shout. But it had been Kaz's plan all along. Making her believe she was different, making her believe he saw her.

"Nothing." she repeated before walking away from his office, leaving the boy alone with the loudly silent that filled the room, staring at the handkerchief that she let fall on the ground, the only thing that had always bound them.

***

The next morning Kaz woke up and knew immediately that something was wrong. He took his cane and walked downstairs to the kitchen where he heard people talking out loud.

"I swear Jesper, when I see him I-" Wylan stop talking in the exact moment Kaz stepped in the room. The red haired boy fixed his eyes on him and before he could understand what was happening Wylan was yelling at him with all the rage he felt. "How dare you coming here like nothing happened!?"

Jesper had to put his arms around Wylan's torso to keep him from throwing himself on Kaz. "Last time I checked this was my Slat."

"And you find amusing sending people away, don't you?" Wylan spoke spitting venom from his mouth. "She needed help and you turned your back at her!"

Now Kaz needed few minutes to make his brain, still sleepy, working to connect the dots. It was clear that Wylan was talking about his sister, who seemed to have played the victim with her own brother.

"If you want to know, merchling, she decided her will herself. She came to me to let me know she was leaving." Kaz shrugged walking toward coffee machine. He didn't have the strengh to face an angry boy if he wasn't properly awake.

"As hell she did. She came to ask you what to do and you sent her away." Kaz let his words running in his head for a while, studying them one by one.

He didn't..."When she came in my office she had already decided." he refused to tell them he had seen her bags ready in her room, he refused to let someone know he cared.

"No Kaz, she didn't." This time Inej spoke, he hadn't even noticed she was there. "She wanted to leave to protect you from her father, but Wylan convinced her to slow down and come to you to ask what to do."

No, no, it was not possible. "When she came in your office she hadn't decided yet. You gave her the answer, Kaz." Jesper spoke keeping his hands on Wylan's shoulders, who now was sat on a chair with his face in his hands.

I would have noticed if she was asking me what to do. She had her bags ready...she came to me to tell me...his thoughs were running wild inside his head.

"That's it? That's what you want?"

Kaz tried to put his thoughs together. He tried to find a logic of what had happened the night before.

"You had always knew what I was. That's why you gave me the job...you didn't care that I was new, you didn't care that I was the girl you met when you was a child. You wanted an Inferni to work for you!"

No, no, no. Everything was so wrong again. He though she was going to leave him and he had let her believe that he had used her all this time. He though she was leaving him...that was the only thing he had needed to loose his mind.

"You didn't know..." whispered Inej surprised.

Kaz couldn't trust his voice enough to not break in front of everyone so he just shoke his head slowly looking the Suli girl in the eyes.

"What have you done..."murmured Jesper rubbing his eyes with his hand. "Alright, if you hurry you should arrive before the schooner leaves."

"Fifth harbour?" Kaz asked with raspy voice.

"Yes! Go!" said the Zemeni boy excited. "I love a dramatic romance."

He didn't let him repeated twice, ready to run if he had to he walked toward the door when Wylan's voice stopped him.

"Brekker, bring her back." Please, was the word the boy let unspoken.

He nodded before running toward the harbour. He took just his cloat at the door, leaving his hat behind. He couldn't let her leave again. He had to arrive in time, and if he didn't he would have swim until he'd found himself on the schooner and ask sorry to her for his infinity dullness.

"Alright then...I don't want to be of any trouble to you anymore..."

She wasn't a trouble, he wanted to shout in the air. She had never been a trouble, he was the wrong one. He was the twisted, crooked, problematic who couldn't stop himself from hurt her everytime.

"My father...I don't want any of you to be in danger because of me."

Even when she was the one in danger, she would think about him first. He didn't see it last night, too focused on accusing her of betrayal. Betrayal of what? She hadn't broken any vows she made. She wasn't bind to him, she own him nothing and surely Ketterdam did nothing to earn her protection.

Since the first day she had stayed on her own will, she had stayed beside him even when he pushed everyone away. That's what got under his skin, her perseverence. She kept fighting for him, she kept seeing good in him and the only thing he had been capable of was making her feel used and unwanted.

He saw the harbour and he barely noticed that he hadn't used his cane. It would have just slowed me, he thought already searching his girl with the eyes.

He owed her an explanation, he owed her a lot of apologies, and then she would decide if she wanted to stay. Kaz swore to everyone who was listening that if Y/n chose to stay in Ketterdam with him, he would have made sure to be worth her choice. He would fight everyday to go trought his boundaries for her, with her. He would be the man she deserved.

"The schooner for Os Kervo." Kaz asked urgently to a man. He knew Y/n, she would find a safe home in Ravka at the Little Palace where the grisha were safe and strong.

"The first one left this morning at four bells, the next it's at the berth twenty-four, leaves in half bell." the man answered.

Kaz didn't think twice and ran toward the schooner with his heart in his throat. Please, saints if you exist make sure she hadn't already left.

He felt pathetic. Never in his life he had ever prayed, but he though that if it gave him a chance to see her again that it was worth a try.

He arrived at the schooner, but looking around he didn't see her. She must be already on board, he though and without difficulty he went on the ship.

There wasn't many people, but from what Kaz knew the grisha girl could have been already in her room and there was no way to find her before that schooner left.

He felt a shiver in his spine, telling him that she was close, but he didn't know where to look. Right, left, he looked everywhere. People around him looked him worried.

She can't be gone, he kept reapeting in his head like a mantra.

"Came here to bring me back to my father?" a voice said from above him. "How much did he offer to you? Must be a lot to affront a grisha alone."

His heart missed a beat and when he looked over his head he though he might start to believe in saints.

She was there, perched on one of the boom. Her hood was up hiding her face like she always did when she was out of their zone. She was a wanted grisha now, and he felt a grip on his heart at the though that she was used to that life of a runner.

You are not alone anymore, Fire Girl, he though vividly.

"I thought you had decided to leave..." he said. It didn't sound like an apologize at all...Damn Saints, there were a bilions things he wanted to say her, and yet his throat felt dry when he could talk.

"I did." her voice was sharped as a blade and cold as ice.

He gulped, I deserve this. "I know..." He had a flashback of their first conversation at the Crows Club, and cold shivers ran in his blood. I will not make the same mistake twice. "I should have told you who I was since the beginning."

"Maybe if I knew I didn't have to hide my power you could have had your personal inferni sooner." it was his fault. He had let her believe that he wanted her just for her power, but it wasn't true. Kaz Brekker kept her with the Dregs because he couldn't bare the though of her being hurt or threated.

"Could you get off from that boom? Please..." the last word burned in Kaz's throat like fire. It wasn't easy for him to say out loud his feelings, but he knew it would have been the only thing to make her stay. He owed her the truth.

She scoffed and jumped, landing in front of him with the lightness of a feather. Crossing her arms over her chest she studyed him from under her hood, waiting for him to speak first.

You want me sto stay, you have to say it, her posture told him.

"I saw your bags in your room, I though you wanted to leave me, the Dregs. I would understand if it what you wish, but you have to know that I was angry. Angry because I though you didn't trust me. You had just packed all your things without talking to me first, I though...I though you..." said those words Kaz brekker, a voice said in his mind. "I though you used me as a protection, nothing else. And when you showed up in my office I though you were going to say me you were leaving. No question, no mouners."

She stayed silent for a bit, surely surprised by his words. He couldn't see her whole face from his height, and he needed to use all his self control to not take it and push it down.

"The only reason I decided to leave was because my father knew about you. I knew he would have used you against me if I stayed, and I couldn't put you in danger just because I wanted to be selfish." her voice had softened a bit, but it was still sharp as she was ready for any attack from him. "Wylan convinced me that you would have helped me, that you would have been willing to fight for me. But when I come to you, I find Dirtyhands planning my departure. And what I find out? That you kept me under your roof just because you knew I was a grisha."

"It's not true." he stopped her firmly. "I knew you were a grisha, but never in my head I though about using you for your power."

"Then what other reason to keep the truth about our first meeting from me?"

Now it's the moment. Don't let your shame eat you alive, put yourself together and take your Fire Girl back.

"Because I was ashamed of the man I became. Because if you knew who I was you would have seen that the little boy you met eight years ago doesn't exist anymore. You would have seen that I failed you..." saying finally those words after a year left him lighter.

She gasped softly. It's not true, I can still see that little boy right in front me... "No, I failed you. You were a child Kaz, you had no faults. I should've stayed with you."

She could see the surprise on Kaz's face when she spoke those words. She had time to think that morning, at the little boy she left alone in the streets of Ketterdam. The boy who had kept her secrets all those years and never blackmailed her.

"I don't think something would have changed. I chose my path." he said with his raspy voice. How many nights he had dreamt about that moment? When he would finally speak with her, when the little boy and the Fire Girl would meet again.

"Becasue no one was there for you. Beccause you were alone. But if someone would have taken care of you, if someone would have showed you another way, maybe everything would have been different." maybe you would have been different.

She wasn't disappointed in what Kaz had became, she knew that everything he did it was to survive at the Barrel. She was proud that he had found the strengh to fight and live; Y/n would change nothing of the man she had in front of her.

The captain of the schooner announced that they were ready to leave and Y/n took a deep breath. "You should go..."

"Come with me." his mind, his rational part stopped working. There were nothing to brake his tongue. "Eight years ago you asked me if I wanted you to stay with me, and I said no. Today I'm asking you to stay in Ketterdam, with me, with the Crows. We cant-...I can't loose you. Not again."

Her heart started to beat faster like a roller coaster. Was Kaz Brekker the one who was talking in front of her? The Bastard of the Barrel was asking her to stay with him. You are going to put him in danger, a voice in her mind reminded her.

She looked Ketterdam behind him, as she could see her father's house.

Kaz saw the shift in her face's direction, and immediately understood what was thinking that mind of her. He rose a gloved hand in front of him taking her by surprise.

"If you wish to go to Ravka I will not stop you, but if you give me a chance I'll try everyday to be the man worth to stay by your side. And I promise you..." he took a step forward making her gasp. "I promise you we will take down everyone who threat us and we'll make them know the real meaning of the word suffer."

That's the Dirtyhands I fell for, she though smiling brightly. She took his hand firmly feeling his fingers closing around hers. "Just one condition." He raised an eyebrow to say 'continue please'. "Jan Van Eck is mine, and he's not going to die until I say so."

She knew that Kaz wasn't the only one who had changed in those years, and there were no reasons to hide it. The grisha girl who lived in the shadows and the little boy who was scared would never meet again, both had died when the world had turned its back to them. Both had raised like phoenix and became stronger.

"The deal is the deal, Fire Girl." he smirked walking with her toward the berth. The schooner was already leaving and there was a little void between the berth and the schooner, so Kaz squeezed her hand and they both jumped. When their feet touched the berth he didn't notice he was laughing with her. Her hood was over her forehead and he couldn't hold it anymore, he stood in front of her with the steady hands of a magician and gently lowered it, feeling the hurge to see her smile again. "No secrets anymore."

"No secrets anymore." she replied keeping her eyes in his.

It was their promise to start from the beginning. Their past was a beautiful story to remember, but they would fight for their future side by side, and little did she know that for all the time she hadn't spoken with Kaz Brekker, Bastard of the Barrel. But the boy in front of her, with the light of hope in his dark eyes was the normal, simple Kaz Rietveld.

A/N:OH MY GOODNESS WE ARE HERE! This is the end of the story of our lovely, brave Fire Girl and our little, cute Kaz. I think I can cry... This is the chapter that most I love of the series and I think you can see why! Writing it was so emotional and still so easy, I knew from the first moment how I wanted their story to end and how I wanted to write it. I have many ideas for a future book with those two idiots, but in the mean time...would you like a bonus chapter where we are gonna see how they're managing they're "relationship"? Maybe where he tells her his real name...👀 but now tell me, what was the part that you most liked? Would have you made the same decisions as them? MY CHAT AND REQUESTS ARE OPEN SOO I'm gonna wait you there ;)

p.s. : who recognize the scene from an old tv series for young I took ispiration for the fight and the departure? 👀

[in-my-feels-probably]

INEFFABLE - Kaz Brekker

Prologue - Before

If you would like to read this on Wattpad, it’s on there as well, my @ is in_my_feels_probably and there’s a few visuals and better descriptions and stuff on there. otherwise, enjoy, let me know what you think, and you can check out my masterlist for updates and more.

INEFFABLE -- Kaz Brekker

ineffable (adj.) 

too great to be expressed in words, utterly indescribable; too sacred to speak of.

Prologue - Before 

Elham Creed had never known what it was like to be part of a family. From a Ravkan orphanage, to the Little Palace, finally landing in Ketterdam, the Barrel, she had never felt the sense of safety and security she had longed for as far back as she could remember. She wouldn’t find it in Ketterdam.

At 13 years old, with nothing but a collapsable sword belted around her waist and the clothes on her back, she had spent the first few days in the Barrel stalking around, stealing scraps of food where she could, trying to get her bearings. The frigid air sweeping over the harbour into the edge of town at night where she slept was enough to make Elham almost miss her room at the Little Palace.

Almost.

She wouldn’t go back, not after her mentor, Baghra’s, warnings. All she could do was push forward and move on. She spent nights alone ducked away into abandoned shacks, using her powers to spark warmth and light, practicing control. Being an inferni had its perks, but Elham was special. She didn’t need a starter, or a piece of flint to create a spark she could turn into a flame. She could create the flame all on her own. She kept this and her powers a secret, however. If the Darkling had taken interest in her abilities, there’s no doubt one of the Barrel bosses would bait her into doing their bidding.

And Elham Creed would do no one's bidding. She would be no one’s puppet.

---

Elham remembered the first time she killed a man. Coincidentally, it was also the first time she met Kaz Brekker. She was now 14, making her way towards the harbour, working on one of the odd jobs she could scam her way into. She headed past the White Rose on the way, one of the most frequented brothels in Ketterdam.

She headed down the alley behind the sorry excuse for an establishment, when she heard a scream. She rounded the corner, to find a man with his hand wrapped tightly around one of the employed girls' wrists, the other hand making its way up her hip, pinning her against the wall.

It’s a shame. Maybe if he had heard her coming, he could have avoided the sword held up to his neck. He could have avoided his death.

Most men in the Barrel, as Elham had come to realize, were not good men. While the “pigeons,” as she had come to know the tourists as, would have tucked tail and ran, this man did not. He only scoffed.

“A sword?” The man had slurred at her, clearly drunk. “You do realize I could have you shot and dead in a second, and get back to this lovely girl you so rudely interrupted me from. Although, you’re a pretty thing. Exotic. Maybe I’ll have you instead,” he had said, reaching for the pistol strapped to his hip.

Big mistake.

With her eyes glossing over, and a rage building inside her, she quickly removed the sword from his throat, and ran it through his back. He sputtered, and fell to his knees, choking on his own blood, or maybe his last words, Elham didn’t take the time to figure out which. She walked around to face his front as he gazed up at her, clutching his stomach with wide eyes. She breathed heavily, eyes wild.

“Good riddance.”

She lifted her foot and sent him sprawling back against the street, blood pooling around him. She glanced back at the girl who was still frozen against the wall, and her eyes softened.

“Thank you,” she whispered, before hurrying back into the White Rose.  Elham only nodded, taking a breath, before turning to head towards the harbour.

That’s when she saw him.

A boy, no older than 14, dressed in black, gloves fitted to his hands. He seemed to be analyzing her, gears turning in his head. Kaz hadn’t mastered his pokerface yet, and Elham was good at reading people. She was unsure why she didn’t feel threatened by his presence, especially since he had just witnessed her kill someone, and she had no idea what his intentions were.

“You just killed a Dime Lion.”

Elham had heard of the gang before, and their leader, Pekka Rollins. She knew she was going to regret interfering with gang business, but her head was beginning to cloud, tears forming in her eyes. But she had saved that girl, she had saved herself, it was a split second decision. Unable to form words, she met the boy's stare.

She only slowly nodded in response.

After pondering for a moment, he had offered to take her to his boss, claiming that she’d be a valuable asset to the team. He’d never admit to her that it really was because he couldn’t bear to see the Barrel swallow up and harden another innocent kid, and maybe it was the way her eyes had glazed over, or how tattered her clothes were, or simply because she didn’t look at him like he was some sort of monster, but he took her in.

It was true, Haskell had been needing a new asset to the team, someone young and quick who could take care of themselves. Bringing a girl back to the Dregs was a risk, and Kaz was in no position to make himself look weak around the gang, but he just couldn’t leave her there in the street. That part of the Rietveld in him hadn’t died yet.

To this day, Elham isn’t sure what made her accept his offer to come with him. After almost a year in Ketterdam, she trusted no one, got close to no one. She had no business getting involved with a gang, she could have walked away, continuing to the harbour for the job assigned to her. There was something about him, though. And going with him was arguably the best decision she has made, she had decided.

---

Elham had been part of the Dregs for a few months, slowly gaining a reputation for herself. Kaz had taken a liking to her, almost admiring how fast she had taken to a life of crime, to the rigidity of the Barrel. He found a secret comfort in her presence, and in the fact that her story was similar to his. She hadn’t revealed much about her past to him, just enough to keep him intrigued.

And he was, despite his brain demanding he think otherwise, intrigued. She was ambitious, and cunning. Most interestingly, however, she was ruthless.

She had killed many men since the day she met Kaz. Barrel men were not good men. Elham made it a point to seek out the men who only caused pain. Men like the first man she had killed, men like Pekka Rollins and his Dime Lions. Men like them didn’t get to cause all the pain and suffering they did, and live.

Kaz had dubbed her, “The Valkyrie,” once, while on a job. The other Dregs took a liking to it, and it stuck. She asked him many times what it meant, why he would call her that, but he only smirked to himself, amused by her new found reputation, much to her annoyance.

He finally explained it to her, the night he broke his leg. They had been paired on the job together, and it had gone disastrously. They were sprinting along a rooftop, when Kaz made a bad landing, completely breaking the bone in his leg.

It was the first time she touched him.

When she first joined the Dregs, she had quickly picked up on the fact that he didn’t want to be touched. She could sense his unease when they had to be close together on jobs in tight spaces, or when one of the drunken Dregs would pat him on the back for a job well done, or during a brawl with a rival gang. She always kept her distance, respecting his space.

But this time, she had no choice. Kaz was crying out in pain, and Elham knew she had to get him back to the Slat to get his leg reset, and out of harm's way. She clicked the button on her belt and grabbed for the hilt of her sword, and with a flick of her wrist, it unfolded into place to its full length. Kaz had pulled himself to a kneeling position, desperately trying to hide his vulnerability, eyes frantically looking for an escape. She offered the hilt of her sword to him.

“Kaz, you have to let me help you. I’m sorry, but you have to let me. Hold onto the hilt, and on three, I’m going to tug under your arm to get you standing. We’ve got to get you back to the Slat before you pass out from the pain or we get ourselves killed out here.” He only gave her a pained look, before nodding, and they slowly made their way back to the Slat, with him putting as much weight on the hilt as he could, Elham trying her best to make sure he couldn’t feel her fingers through his jacket as she dragged him along.

Hours later, while he lay unconscious on the cot in his room, Elham had anxiously waited in the chair in the corner of the room. She hadn’t realized how much she had grown to care for Kaz, for him and her life with the Dregs. She knew she would have killed for him that night if it came to it, no doubt about it in her mind. Kaz only awoke for a few minutes that night, and had mumbled a few words to her.

“Do you know what Valkyrie means? It means ‘chooser of the slain.’ It seems like you choose who lives and dies around the Barrel. Killing men, making sure I don’t die. It’s fitting, isn’t it?” He had joked to her, the faintest of grins tugging at his lips. Elham had sucked in a breath, and offered a small smile at him, standing to leave as he drifted off, knowing he was going to be alright. Broken, as she knew he would think of himself, but alright.

---

It had been a few years in the Dregs, as the Crows slowly formed. First Jesper, then Inej. The Dregs had become a force to be reckoned with in Ketterdam. Despite their ages and newness to the life of a gang, The Sharpshooter, the Wraith, the Valkyrie, and Dirtyhands were well known identities around the Barrel.

They had hardened over the years, Kaz more so than any of them, the Barrel being a quick teacher in offering harsh life lessons.

Elham remembered the first time one of them uttered the words, “no mourners, no funerals.” Inej had been interested in what Elham’s name meant, Elham meaning inspiration, Creed meaning belief or law. A particular favorite member of the Dregs, and a friend of Rotty’s, had been killed on a job. Elham took this particularly hard, he was one of the men that had made her transition into the gang easier.

They sat silently in her room together, when Jesper spoke softly. “You know, I’ve been thinking about your name. Creed. Maybe, ‘no mourners, no funerals’ could be our creed.” Elham had let a tear roll down her cheek at that, and she nodded at Jesper, letting him grab her hand, while Inej, perched on the window ledge, laid her hand on Elhams shoulder. Kaz had lifted his eyes from the floor when Jesper spoke, his eyes landing on the girl. He slowly slid his cane towards her, softly tapping the end at the base of her ankle, before returning to his original position.

It was one of Elham’s favorite memories of them. Of him.

The Crows were chaotic and an odd group, but they were Elham’s family, as close as she would ever get to one. Saint’s forbid she ever told them that, it would go straight to Jesper’s head. But they were enough for her. Her Crows were enough. And they were about to raise a little bit of hell.

---

A/N - hi everyone, omg im so excited about this book, i hope you liked the prologue, im working on the first few chapters and will have them up soon. let me know what you think so far, and thank you for the support!

[tessasocs]

May I have a complete itemized list of all your Grishaverse OCs and their FCs it's a matter of life & death pls and thank you also I hope you're keeping hydrated and know that I love you and think you're wonderful ✨

Awwww thank you Dina! Uno reverse!

also hold up, let me find my list of SaB ocs cause there are a lot

THROUGH HEAVEN'S EYES SERIES: These all take place in the same universe and I adore them so much.

Reyka Kovacs in Kings&Queens&Vagabonds (FC: Summer Bishil). A Suli Tidemaker with a secret. She was taken from her family forcibly after Anya Mayakovsky discovered she was Grisha and has been living in the Little Palace for the past fifteen-ish years. She hates Ravka, especially the royalty, and thinks that there needs to be necessary change. Her speciality is Ice, and she fascinates a certain Shadow Summoner. The Darkling requests her at first because she's powerful but eventually is drawn to her because of how much they have in common. Reyka's ultimate goal is to free the Suli people from Ravka and help them escape assimilation. Eventually, this changes. Her best friends are Zoya and Vadoma, another OC of mine. DarklingxOC

Perse Fahey in TBD (FC: Vanessa Morgan). Jesper's twin sister who was interestingly not born with any Grisha power, this comes into play later. When she and Jesper left Novyi Zem, she found herself in trouble and was bailed out by a crew of pirates led by a man named Sturmhond. She became indebted to them and joined their crew, eventually working her way up to being the First Mate and Right Hand Woman. She's excellent with a sword and can hold her own against Grisha as well. When we first meet her, she's helping Jesper and Kaz by offering up a Heartrender to help Alexei reveal who the Sun Summoner is. Her story eventually comes to a head when Sturmhond asks her to betray Jesper and the Crows and bring Alina to him instead. We don't get much of her journey in the first season, but she plays a very important role in the upcoming books, especially Nikolai's duology. She eventually becomes besties with Genya in addition to Tamar and Tolya. Nikolai x OC.

Elena Volkov in Glory&Gore (FC: none yet). A Grisha who has no idea who or where she is, Elena wakes up in Ketterdam after being saved by Sankta Ulla of the Waves from a shipwreck that was carrying her to be sold as an indenture. Of course, when she wakes in Ketterdam, she's found by the person who wanted her as an indenture in the first place (Dreesen) and is made to work for him. She's a Squaller who studied at the Little Palace under Zoya and Reyka. She's very talented and can create storms almost unconsciously. I'm still unsure where I want her story to begin just because I'm waiting until season 2 comes out, but as of right now, she's the seventh addition to the Crows when it comes to the Ice Court heist. Kaz is intrigued by her and sees her powers as useful, although Elena has no idea why. She becomes besties with Nina and Zoya eventually, and maybe Alina?? Idk yet. Kaz Brekker x OC.

Side OCs include:

Vadoma: an Inferni who was also stolen from her home and eventually becomes Mal's best Grisha friend.

Anya Mayakovsky: A Corporalki who is older than Baghra herself, supposedly alive during the time of Ilya Morozova. Reyka and Elena's teacher.

OKAY NOW ONTO THE REST OF THEM

Laila Bakshi in Salvation (FC: Banita Sandhu). A Grisha who managed to escape indenture all by herself and turn the House of the Blue Iris into a safe haven for Grisha escaping the war. She's known as the Lady of the Night/Lady of the Underground and can entrance anyone she meets, particularly men. She's a very talented Grifter and can adopt any personality or ethnicity to match her needs. She and Kaz used to know each other before they ended up on bad terms until they're forced to work with one another to kidnap Alina Starkov. Laila, however, has ulterior motives for going across the fold and one of those is revenge. Kaz x OC

Jonah Visser in Salvation (FC: Jarod Joseph). Laila's oldest friend and the son of Arken, after the death of his father, Jonah vows revenge on the Darkling and helps Inej on the final scene in the skiff. He's Arken's messenger on the other side, posing as a Raven soldier in order to scope out Grisha who want to leave. He's a minor OC but becomes important later on. Inej x OC.

Tasya Satvik in Outlaws (FC: Lindsey Morgan). Jesper's childhood best friend who was forced out of Novyi Zem when her father was hunted down by Ravkans for being a Grisha and escaping the war effort. They fled to Ketterdam where her father and mother died to the plague that infested the city and Tasya was eventually found by Pekka Rollins, who employed her as his spy. She gets exposed to Jurda Parem a couple weeks before the Sun Summoner heist and Pekka forces her to go on the job and bring the Sun Summoner back to him or he'll take away her fix. She has plans to escape Pekka once she's across the fold, but oh no she and Jesper have feelings for one another so he gets her to stay. Jesper x OC

Alya Sokolov in House of Memories (FC: Danielle Rose Russell). I haven't really focused much on her in a long time, but basically she's Kaz Brekker's younger sister who happens to be a very specific kind of Grisha that's never been found before. She's like Rogue from X-Men and can copy any Grisha's powers. She becomes disillusioned with Ravka and joins the Crows when she sees her brother among them at the Winter Fete.

Nikita Dulik in Made of Stone (FC: Devery Jacobs) Another Kaz OC what a surprise haha. Her story is actually pretty interesting in the fact that she's sort of like a Ghost. She's officially dead according the wall in West Ravka, having been killed going through the Fold. Since then she's been known as an incredible Escape Artist, able to sneak into anywhere and get out without so much as a whisper. She also has a skin condition that makes it impossible to touch anyone, so perfect for our touch averse boy.

Please feel free to crossover with any of them!

[sprnklersplashes]

dust off your highest hopes. or, the secret lives of ketterdam’s teachers (part 1)

ao3

Breathe, Wylan he tells himself. He drums his fingers on his thigh and uses the rhythm to pace his breaths: in for eight, out for eight. In for eight, out for eight.

“So our science department is made up of five other teachers,” Mr Haskell continues as they walk down the corridors. Wylan follows Mr Haskell onto a short bridge, framed by glass panels and overlooking the reception where he’d first met with the man. “Two biology specialists, myself and Mr Dirix, two physics specialists and one other chemistry specialist besides you.” Wylan nods, putting on a show of having paid attention. Mr Haskell seems an okay guy, a little set in his ways and by far the oldest science teacher on staff. But so far, he’s been kind and welcoming to Wylan, even as he eyes him now. “Remind me again where you did your placement.”

“Oh, Geldstraat Academy, sir,” he replies.

“Oh, lose the sir, young man,” Haskell says, a warm chuckle lining his words. “I may be your senior, but formalities are dropped when the students aren’t around.” Wylan nods, but he knows it will be easier said than done; the habit predates even his school days. “Geldstraat Academy, you say. That’s a private school, isn’t it? Very high up on the league tables. What made you come to Ketterdam when you could be there?”

“I like to think Ketterdam High chose me,” Wylan answers, a timid smile disguising his thumping heart. In every sense of the word, Geldtraat Academy was the better school; a private school near the country versus not just an inner-city state school, but one so close to the infamous Barrel. And while Ketterdam’s test scores may be steadily rising, the fact remains that Geldstraat outshines them in every way, with a salary to match its enviable reputation. Half the staff here would likely die for that position, and he turned it away with no hesitation and no regrets.

For all Geldstraat’s embellishments, Wylan can breathe in Ketterdam. He can’t put a price on that.

“That’s a lovely attitude to have, Mr Hendricks,” Haskell says. “Ah, here we are.” They take a sharp left at the end of the bridge, and Wylan sees what must be his classroom nestled in the corner. The words turn over in his head, louder now that the door is right in front of him. His classroom. Within the week, his name will be on the placard by the door, and his qualifications written below it. He’ll set up here, with the Hendricks name, and maybe everything else will just fall away.

Mr Haskell opens the door and Wylan follows him in. The classroom is large and bright, thanks to the three wide windows along the side, allowing the sun to spill into every corner. Four rows of desks sit facing the front, wooden tops sitting across steel legs. Beneath the windows are dark wood countertops, running along currently empty shelves and cupboards. The white walls and display boards are empty for now, minuscule holes and faint markings the only hint that someone was here before him.

Wylan gives Haskell a quick nod and sets his box down on the teacher’s desk. His desk, he thinks, a thrill running up his spine. He drums his fingers on the box as he looks around, humming a merry tune under his breath. The walls may be bare and drab now, but he’s come prepared. When he calls this classroom his, he means it in every way he can.

“Luckily, your first lesson is a free one, which should give you time to set up and get settled,” Haskell tells him. “And then you have a Year 7 science class as your first lesson.”

“No problem,” Wylan replies. “I’ve got all my lessons planned out this week.”

“Good man,” Haskell replies. Wylan smiles and sets his satchel down on the chair. He knows, of course, what he’s doing, why Haskell’s compliment has sparked something deep inside of him. He won’t pretend the straightness in his shoulders is accidental. Even if it comes with the echo of a voice he’s trying to forget, lecturing him about posture and first impressions and for goodness’ sake Wylan if you can’t act like a man at least look like one-

Thankfully, Haskell’s booming voice cuts through the ghost in his head.

“Ah, Mr Fahey,” he calls out the door. Wylan sees him waving someone over when he looks up. “Come and meet the new chemistry teacher!”

A stuttered half-protest is all Wylan can get out before Mr Fahey enters, although what exactly he’s protesting he’s not sure. Regardless, Mr Fahey appears in the doorway after a second, and all fussing dies on his lips.

He’s tall, at least a head above Wylan and comfortably above Haskell too. He’s held together by long legs and arms that shouldn’t allow him to move as gracefully as he does, like a dancer from a Golden Age movie. Despite his height, he can’t be more than a year or so older than Wylan. Black curls fall in front of his forehead, artfully swept away from his twinkling dark eyes.

He rolls up the sleeves of his blazer; a blue plaid thing with matching trousers, sitting over a dark green shirt. It looks handsome against his brown skin. Wylan’s first thought is that he doesn’t look like a teacher at all; he looks like he should be on a stage. Or on a runway.

But then he smiles, and two more thoughts come on the heels of that one. The first is that he’s never seen a person with such perfectly shaped lips, ever. The second is more simple; a resounding ‘oh shit’ echoing through his head.

Haskell stands between them and is either delicately ignoring or completely oblivious to Wylan’s swan dive.

“This is Mr Hendricks, our new chemistry teacher,” he says. “Wylan, this is Mr Fahey, our physics teacher.”

“Please,” Mr Fahey scoffs. “I’m not Mr Fahey until 8:20. Before I’m on the clock it’s Jesper.” He extends his hand, long fingers spread out, and Wylan takes it.

“Then I’m not Mr Hendricks yet, I’m just Wylan.”

“Good to meet you, Just Wylan.” Wylan laughs, his cheeks warming as their hands drop away. Jesper’s hand hovers for a moment, the corner of his mouth curling knowingly. “Do I recall correctly, your interview lesson last term was my Year 8 class.”

“You have an amazing memory,” Wylan replies. All he can remember was the sheer panic coursing through him, how it took every ounce of his strength just to keep standing and how every move was meticulously rehearsed. It worked, although Wylan spent weeks waiting for someone to say it was a mistake.

“It was a very memorable lesson,” is Jesper’s reply. Wylan can only pray that his cheeks aren’t changing colour.

“Ah, drat,” Haskell sighs. He holds his phone in his hands and slips his glasses on his face. “Forgot I’m on toilet duty. Uh, Mr Fahey, help him settle in will you?”

“Oh, that’s not-” he begins, but Mr Haskell is already disappearing down the hall. He chuckles weakly as Jesper slides around the desk, a playful smile on his lips. Wylan gives a small, high-pitched hum and runs a hand through his hair.

Breathe he reminds himself. It’s nothing scary, just a person. A very good-looking person.

“It’s all right, really,” he says. “I’m sure you have much better things to do than look after me.”

“Hm, not really,” he replies. “I’ve got fifteen minutes until I have to let my form in, and when I’m not on duty they’re not my problem.” Wylan makes a small, agreeable noise as Jesper slides the lid off his box. A knot begins forming in his stomach, but the soft grin on Jesper’s face almost makes it undo itself. “Classroom decor?”

“A little bit, yeah.” Jesper starts to rummage through the box’s contents while Wylan taps his fingers against the desk. The rhythm is quick, frantic, and definitely not a reflection of how Wylan feels watching a stranger look through his classroom decorations. People have to see them sometime, he reminds himself. Plus, one look at Jesper has him thinking stopping him would be a wasted effort. So he watches with faux calmness as Jesper pulls out a periodic table poster and grins.

“Cool,” he says. “Where do you want this?”

“Oh, I was thinking maybe the back wall there. Or opposite the window, I don’t know.” Jesper hums and turns around, the top corners of the poster pinched between his fingers. Wylan leans forward, pulled like a magnet to its pole, as Jesper turns and faces the back wall. Then, he turns to face the other wall, and Wylan sees his tongue sticking out of the corner of his mouth as he does so.

He forces himself to exhale. Surely there’s a certain time period before you start getting work crushes?

“Back wall,” Hesper says before setting off, the poster in hand. It takes a minute for Wylan’s brain to catch up and another for him to start stumbling after Jesper, stuttering polite protest after polite protest.

“You-you don’t have to do that,” he says, his cheeks now burning for an entirely different reason. He all but chases Mr Fahey down the classroom. “Really, I can do it myself.”

“Nonsense, it’s the neighbourly thing to do,” he replies smoothly. Wylan then realises he also swiped the Blue-Tac from his desk as well, and he attaches a piece to each corner. He holds the poster just inches from the wall, and Wylan presses his hands together so they don’t shake. “Were you thinking higher, lower, or just here?”

Wylan opens his mouth, another flurry of protests ready, but for once he stops himself. He came to KEtterdam High to shed the skin of his old life, and with the hope that he’d replace the people he once loved. Now he was here, in his classroom, with a rather charming man cheerfully offering to help decorate. And he was trying to send him away? Out of some built-in, extremely well-mannered defence mechanism? How well would that work out for him?

He forces himself to lower his shoulders. He unclasps his hands and shakes out his arms.

You’re not at your father’s school any more, he reminds himself. No one knows him here; it’s precisely why he chose it.

He doesn’t have to be Wylan Van Eck here.

“A little higher,” he says.

Jesper grins and holds it higher, waiting for Wylan’s nod before pressing it to the wall. He limits himself to one thank you and Jesper stands hands-on-hips to admire his handiwork.

“Perfect,” he says. “Just one more touch.” Wylan raises an eyebrow at him, curious now, and Jesper takes a whiteboard pen out of his pocket. “With your blessing, Mr Hendricks?”

“It’s just Wylan,” he says. “And yes. You have my blessing.” Jesper’s smile broadens and he steps up to the poster.

“Not sure there’s anything just about you,” he says. “There.” He stands back with a flourish; a new element Faheyium is now added beneath row five. Wylan laughs at it, but his brain is focussed on what Jesper said just a second ago.

He could choose not to read too much into it. Perhaps he says that to everyone; he certainly seems like the type to. Perhaps there’s nothing in how his eyes rest on him for more than a second, or how his cheeks darken before he turns his head away.

His veins start to hum then, something new coming out of the shadows. Wylan Van Eck would never have let himself get his hopes up about this. But maybe Wylan Hendricks will learn to.