#the storyline was beautifully told and so much pain and emotion throughout

[vital-information]

How to Fiction Like a Grown-up

“in SKAM, everyone has a purposefully acknowledged percentage of sheer ignorance, things they understand and things they reeeeally don’t...this is how real life works. nobody is the ideologically flawless character, teaching the ideologically backwards character that they are Wrong About Everything. everyone is pulling everyone up, everyone is making an idiot of themselves, everyone is learning....with SKAM over and over again, communication is highlighted as the best way to solve any issue. it gives a range of issues, yeah, but in the end it teaches HOW to deal with new issues, not simply a list of behaviors not to emulate. it’s never ‘don’t be That Guy,’ it’s ‘everyone can be That Guy sometimes, it’s gonna happen, you’re gonna be ignorant about something, but here is how you overcome and deal with it...’” — uninterestiing

“We can only attribute the ease and pleasure with which we ramble from house to smithy, from cottage parlour to rectory garden, to the fact that George Eliot makes us share their lives, not in a spirit of condescension or of curiosity, but in a spirit of sympathy. She is no satirist. The movement of her mind was too slow and cumbersome to lend itself to comedy. But she gathers in her large grasp a great bunch of the main elements of human nature and groups them loosely together with a tolerant and wholesome understanding which, as one finds upon rereading, has not only kept her figures fresh and free, but has given them an unexpected hold upon our laughter and tears.” — Virginia Woolf, “George Eliot”

“TV’s long taught its audience to expect an outsized amount of drama where there might not be as much in reality, even if only to milk every storyline for what it’s worth. But on Ted Lasso, potential landmines like seething jealousy, secret lust and Rebecca’s scheming only fester for so long before the characters deal with it all like….well, adults.” — Caroline Framke, “For Your Reconsideration: Ted Lasso” 

I told Miyazaki I love the "gratuitous motion" in his films; instead of every movement being dictated by the story, sometimes people will just sit for a moment, or they will sigh, or look in a running stream, or do something extra, not to advance the story but only to give the sense of time and place and who they are."We have a word for that in Japanese," he said. "It's called ma. Emptiness. It's there intentionally."Is that like the "pillow words" that separate phrases in Japanese poetry?"I don't think it's like the pillow word." He clapped his hands three or four times. "The time in between my clapping is ma. If you just have non-stop action with no breathing space at all, it's just busyness, But if you take a moment, then the tension building in the film can grow into a wider dimension. If you just have constant tension at 80 degrees all the time you just get numb."Which helps explain why Miyazaki's films are more absorbing and involving than the frantic cheerful action in a lot of American animation. I asked him to explain that a little more."The people who make the movies are scared of silence, so they want to paper and plaster it over," he said. "They're worried that the audience will get bored. They might go up and get some popcorn.But just because it's 80 percent intense all the time doesn't mean the kids are going to bless you with their concentration. What really matters is the underlying emotions--that you never let go of those.What my friends and I have been trying to do since the 1970's is to try and quiet things down a little bit; don't just bombard them with noise and distraction. And to follow the path of children's emotions and feelings as we make a film. If you stay true to joy and astonishment and empathy you don't have to have violence and you don't have to have action. They'll follow you. This is our principle."He has been amused, he said, to see a lot of animation in live-action movies like "Spider-Man." “In a way now, live action is becoming part of that whole soup called animation. Animation has become a word that encompasses so much, and my animation is just a little tiny dot over in the corner. It's plenty for me. — Roger Ebert, “Hayao Miyzaki Interview”

“The pilot’s opening scene foreshadowed the kind of quiet impressionism that Friday Night Lights would embrace, again and again, throughout its five excellent seasons. It also foreshadowed the approach that you might call the “friendly panopticon”: Everyone, here, is seen. And everyone, here, is capable of seeing....There are minor characters and major ones in all this, certainly—it would be narrative anarchy without that—but FNL, much more than most shows that preceded it, took for granted the dignity of each character in its universe. It rejected sitcomic snobbery in favor of a broader embrace of its wide array of characters. It turned empathy into an aesthetic.” — Megan Garber, “Friday Night Lights Democratized TV Drama”

“But the problem with readers, the idea we're given of reading is that the model of a reader is the person watching a film, or watching television. So the greatest principle is, "I should sit here and I should be entertained." And the more classical model, which has been completely taken away, is the idea of a reader as an amateur musician. An amateur musician who sits at the piano, has a piece of music, which is the work, made by somebody they don't know, who they probably couldn't comprehend entirely, and they have to use their skills to play this piece of music. The greater the skill, the greater the gift that you give the artist and that the artist gives you. That's the incredibly unfashionable idea of reading. And yet when you practice reading, and you work at a text, it can only give you what you put into it. It's an old moral, but it's completely true.” Zadie Smith, “Bookworm: On Beauty”

“It pains me to have to introduce this lot with a couple of adjectives apiece, since, again, they all deserve about 12. These beautifully drawn characters just can't be reduced or pigeonholed so glibly. Where you're expecting an exaggerated comedy of town-and-country manners, pitting pious, suspicious in-laws against the worldly, patronising [career woman], Junebug courageously demurs, time and again: we get a real home, and real people in it, and what's laugh-out-loud funny about scene after scene is what's resolutely specific and true.” — Tim Robey, “A Small, Quiet Miracle”

Doesn't she worry at the lack of explosions? [Robinson] laughs. "There's something in my temperament . . . I have a problem with explosions in the sense that many very fine books are written about things that do, in fact, explode. But if the explosion is something that's supposed to make the novel interesting as opposed to being something that it's essentially about, I think it's very much to be avoided...It seems to me that the small drama of conversation and thought and reflection, that is so much more individual, so much less clichéd than - I mean when people set out on an adventure, I think 90 times out of 100, they've read about it in a brochure  — Emma Brackes, “A Life in Writing: Marilynne Robinson”

[thesandbeneathmytoes]

Mayans Season 3

Soooooooooooooooo I have a lot of thoughts. Like, a lot. No one asked for this but some of you did express enthusiasm when I told you I was gonna go AWF, so here we go.

DISCLAIMER: I should perhaps also mention that this is simply a critique of the finished product — I understand, of course, there were other issues that affected the production of the season that perhaps didn’t affect seasons one and two, such as Covid and some of the confusion after the departure of Sutter. Some might say, however, that this season without Sutter was easier because there was less tension on set (I’m just re-counting what some of the cast have intimated). Ultimately, though, I really just want this to be a critique of the finished product, in the way that I assume all creators and artists want their work to be judged… Standing alone versus as a potential outcome of problems or challenges.

It’s probably clear by now that I wasn’t a huge fan of this season, so first I’ll start off with what I did like:

*SPOILERS, OBVIOUSLY*

• The cinematography was really nice. We got a lot of great wide shots that made us feel how expansive these worlds are, how lonely the desert, how wide the ocean, etc. They showed us the freedom that comes with this life but also how small it can make you feel when you get swallowed up in it. Scenes were also a lot less dark-lit, which was great cuz I didn’t have to mess with my screen’s contrast as much, so that was appreciated.

• There was also some beautiful color work this year. A lot of oranges and purples that I appreciated. EZ was almost always beautifully framed. We got some nice close ups of Angel as well. The scene with the tear running down his cheek was beautiful, which leads me to:

• THE ACTING: Danny Pino was far and away the best for me. His microexpressions, his ability to change emotions on a dime, his capacity for showing us the exact thoughts going through Miguel’s head, as well as his continued excellence at portraying Miguel’s duality and his divided loyalties (his family of origin vs. his current family, his American vs. Mexican heritage, his classy Cornell acapella-singing [!] self vs. his ruthless cartel persona) never ceases to impress me. Carla is amazing as well, she gave me chills in pretty much every scene. Sometimes I remember that she’s my age (30) and I’m just like holy shit, where did all this poise and presence and focus come from?? Couldnt be me! Honorable mentions include Clayton Cardenas (aforementioned crying scene, “WHERE THE FUCK IS RAMOS?!”), Michael Irby/Alexandra Barreto (diner scene), Felipe (telling Gaby to go scene...most scenes with Gaby), Emily Tosta, and Holland Roden. Richard Cabral did great too, although his storyline bored me so much that I couldn’t really pay attention to his excellent performance. Hope also was a distraction for me, but (much) more on this later. JD was pretty strong throughout, although some of his scenes (especially the ones with Gaby) were so poorly written that I imagine it was hard to make them anything but wooden (more on this later too, unfortunately). Sulem was hit or miss for me, but I felt like she hit her stride later in the season, and by the end, I fully bought it. MOMO RODRIGUEZ made me feel everything. There was a nuance and a depth to his performance that I was not expecting. It was a beautiful surprise to have a comic character (and a comedian) bring such an important role to the show. I loved that they made him symbolic of the heavy toll this life can take (I regret his death, but I think it was a wake up call) and how you can’t always escape your pain. And the fact that EZ was the one to try and tell him otherwise, emphasizing his own internal struggle, was especially poignant and heartbreaking, which now leads me to:

• THEMES: I liked a lot that we got to explore some of these character’s inner worlds more this season, and that we finally got to see the emotional consequences for what these characters have done and who they are. I never watched SOA, but from what y’all have said on here, it seems like more of those characters acted with impunity and were largely unphased by their own demons. It’s really nice to see the Mayans own up to what they’ve done and the lives they’ve chosen, from EZ, who wonders about the darkness inside of him and if he always was this way (see: theme of fate, later in this paragraph) to Alvarez, regretting what he’s done and who he has been (killing his own son) and wanting to live a new life, but not sure he deserves it. Angel’s monologue about “no happy endings in this town” was especially revelatory as well. It was also nice to see POCs, notably POC men, allowed to explore their emotions, cry, and lift back the curtain on what this kind of life does to your fucking soul. It humanizes the characters and liberates them from the Latinos = gangsters trope that we’re all so used to seeing, the very racist trope that ludicrously & infuriatingly suggests that POC men, especially Latinos, are almost meant to be gangsters and have no qualms about it whatsoever, that they are good at it because they are unburdened by the strict moral code that governs white people (LOL @1/6/2021). The theme of FATE was also drawn upon heavily, and I really liked that. It harkened back to S1 [Church of] Coco and the conversation he had with EZ on Celia’s floor, talking about how “everything that happens is what was meant to happen.” He insists that even though EZ thought he was supposed to be the “Golden Boy,” he ended up in the MC for a reason, maybe that other life was never an option for him at all. We now know that part of the reason his parents encouraged his Golden Boy persona so much was as a way to KEEP him from indulging his darker side. I liked the development of this theme a lot, but it did, unfortunately, also cause some problems, which leads me to:

PROBLEMS WITH MAYANS MC SEASON 3:

Characterization: I think this season suffered from what TV can often suffer from when a new person takes the helm, which is a lack of continuity from previous seasons… I understand, of course, that the characters were going through a lot this season, but I don’t think that warrants a total change in their personalities. The biggest offenders here, for me, were Angel and Coco. While we certainly had an idea that Angel, before he was with Adelita, was something of a hoe, I didn’t get the vibe that he was quite as insouciant or uncaring with his partners as he definitely seemed to be in Season 3. I understand why the show wanted to portray him that way—he was hurting—but it just seemed out of character to me that he would jump from partner to partner, so easily make intense commitments, and somehow be obsessed with creating a family life when that never really seemed to be his focus before… His focus on the baby in Season 2 seemed to be confined to Adelita. Coco, on the other hand, seemed to be very interested in his romantic relationship with Hope this season which really baffled me. Coco in previous seasons was almost the spiritual or kind of mystic element of the show – – his “Church of Coco” musings were, as I previously said, sort of a vehicle to highlight the element of fate as a theme in the show. For me, this made perfect sense as a place for him to be, partially because Richy himself is sort of woo woo (I mean this as the highest of compliments). To see him thrust into a somewhat arbitrary (for me) romantic relationship felt so forced, not only because their sex scene was incredibly dry and uncomfortable to watch (LOL), but also because it just didn’t make sense that Coco would risk everything for this woman he knew nothing about… And even at the expense of his relationship with Letty. As @drabbles-mc mentioned, why spend all this time developing Coco’s relationship with Letty when you’re just gonna destroy it? It feels disrespectful to the writing that has gone before… Speaking of, I want to address the EZ equals psychopath road that we now seem to be going down. As I mentioned earlier, I’m glad that they addressed that his scholarliness and the encouragement of that by his parents was a tactic to distract him from the “darkness” inside of him, however, it feels strange that all of a sudden they are intimating that he has a very very deep darkness inside of him that we didn’t really see in previous seasons. I suppose you could make the argument that it was there before, however I would’ve liked it to be revealed a little bit slower and perhaps have more references to it in previous seasons if you’re going to make this case now. It just feels a little incongruous to what we know about EZ that he is a psycho on the inside… Because that’s what they seem to be suggesting — that he’s dark and can’t be anything but dark. I guess I just would’ve liked to see a more gradual reveal of that versus him saying that he’s always been dark and he knows because of a Goya painting? Seems weird. Like, how is he Dexter all of a sudden? Finally, the Nestor/Álvarez situation at the end: are you telling me that Alvarez really would give a fuck about the Mayans after Bishop betrayed him, especially at the expense of his own life if Miguel figured out that he didn’t do what was asked of him? And how is Nestor, who has always been undyingly faithful to Miguel, all of a sudden going to flake out on his duties, especially when he knows how important this is to Miguel???

Writing/storylines: So, to the extent that this is a separate issue than just simple characterization, I would say that this was the biggest problem for me this season. Lazy writing was a real issue for me and that it took me out of the plot and the moment many times. As I mentioned before, there were some scenes with Gaby and EZ that just felt so stilted that I really couldn’t take them seriously – – the scene in the church comes to mind. In addition to this, there were some plotlines that just felt tired or unnecessary, or didn’t link up. The Angel/Hank/Nails storyline, for example, just seems so boring… We just did a unexpected pregnancy storyline last season with Angel – – why did we need one again? Have they just run out of ideas for him? And to put Nails into the position of baby mama just feels kind of disrespectful to her character. Does every woman in this show need to have her uterus or sex life be a plot line? Bishop is another character that I feel like was done a little bit dirty the season. While I previously mentioned that I adored the scene with him in the diner, I was confused by the purpose of his dead son storyline. As emotional as it was and as great as the performances that it produced were, it didn’t really tie into anything else in the season. I understand that they were trying to give some background to Bishop’s character, but it just seemed like kind of a one-off considering it lasted for a few episodes and then was never brought up again. Perhaps they were trying to show us that everyone lost family or had to compromise something to be part of the MC, but if that was the case, then I would’ve liked to see it be tied to his decisions or his story later on. Maybe they could’ve done something like show that his dedication to the club was because they are the only family he has now that he lost his son? Or that he is wildin’ out now and tryna be the one king because he has nothing left to lose? Idk, maybe that was implied but I certainly didnt catch it — it would’ve been nice to have a more explicit connection there, because to me it just kinda felt like they showed us his pain and then forgot about it and just made him this crazed bloodthirsty madman. I also want to talk a little bit about undelivered upon promises – – Elgin said in a review before the season came out that we would get to see a little bit more into the backstory of each character and why they joined the MC – as I mentioned before, we got a little more about different characters lives but we didn’t necessarily see the why, which is something I really would’ve liked to know. I also was hoping for more social commentary than in fact happened this season – – the new intro seemed to suggest that we would get more of an emphasis on Latinx history or culture or social clashes, but in fact, such references were few and far between, as far as I could tell (although totally possible I missed some stuff). One scene, or rather, one line, that I really really enjoyed was when Gaby said “I risked my life to come here and I try to survive every day and you choose to flirt with death. That’s the privilege of being an American.” I found this line SO powerful, but it was almost a throw-away, and I really wish it had been touched upon more. I was looking forward to learning more about this and having it portrayed in such a Latinx-centered way would’ve been cool to see.

Ok, this is likely to be the most unpopular section of this post (for those of you who are even still around LOL), but I’m including a list of all the plotholes, inconsistencies, or unexplained events from this season, of which there were many. If anyone has an answer to these, please let me know:

Taza and Riz: I’m supposed to believe that he killed Riz just because he wanted to start a war with Palo? Because palo killed his lover over 20 years ago?? Like, could he not have started a war with Palo without involving Riz? And when he said “I didn’t know how many people would get hurt?” What??? How could you possibly have thought that a. Murdering your brother and b. Starting a war with the VM over a personal issue wouldn’t result in carnage?

Dead SOA ppl: why did Chibs never come calling to find out who killed Thomas (?) last season? Or Montez? I know that Montez wasn’t actually killed by the Mayans but he was placed in the Mayans parking lot or whatever so wouldn’t that raise some suspicions??? All that they said about Thomas was that he disappeared and the Sons didn’t know what happened? @starrynite7114

What was the point of the whole Lobos Sonora thing? Why did Palo need to talk to them to get involved with the Tucson mayans? Could he not have just gone to Canche himself? Was this something that they were doing to set up next season? If so, it seems like a long walk to get there…

Speaking of Canche, how the fuck did that cockroach survive a bomb?

Who tipped off border patrol on the night that they tried to move the drugs from the tunnel? Was it the girl in jail? And how come we never heard from her again? Just one of many plotlines that was started and then never revisited.

The Miguel/Felipe thing: We got so close but never actually got there. Are we gonna have to wait a whole other season for this?

Speaking of paternity, who is actually the father of Adelitas baby? I’m kind of OK with not knowing if the baby is alive or dead but I’m ready to know who the father was… Again, I don’t wanna wait another season to wrap this up.

Additionally, did Adelita actually hurt Potter’s family? Did she kill them? It was very unclear.

They essentially said that Potter shut down the border out of spite after the Adelita thing happened… What the fuck does that mean? Are you trying to tell me that a government official can just randomly shut down the border whenever he wants? And what was it about the Adelita thing that pissed him off? That he captured her? That EZ and Angel got one over on him? I really don’t understand… Angel said in the first episode that “the shutdown affected me more than anyone,” ostensibly because he lost his partner and child, but I just don’t see how Adelita and the shut down were related??

CHUCKY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111!!!!! GTFOH with that weak-ass excuse.

Coco storyline:

Was he never gonna find out that Hope was the one who took the picture of him and set him up?

What about the fact that Letty essentially conned him into killing his mom?

Also, did Isaac really die? And what about the reaper tattoo on his side? Was he part of SOA? Was that ever going to be addressed? The story just wasn’t wrapped up at all and I cannot HANDLE any more Meth Mountain next season.

I guess my point in all of this is that I don’t have a problem with the cliffhangers per say – – but there’s a difference between “oh this is an exciting unknown that we can speculate about until next season” and “this is just messy writing where many story threads were begun this year and then never finished” or “we were supposed to wrap up storylines from two seasons ago and we just didn’t.” The latter two just feel sloppy to me, and I feel like that’s a lot of what went on this season. The whole show this year felt both slow and overstuffed, both uneventful and packed at the end. Perhaps it was a pacing issue, a problem of Elgin wanting to distinguish himself and pack so much in and make it so different from previous seasons that he bit off more than he could chew and it all became unfocused. As I read somewhere else, the problem when you have this many unfinished storylines is that they weigh you down for the next season – the writers now have to either spend the majority of next season addressing these questions or just forget about them and pretend they never happened, which feels disrespectful to the audience. I guess my hope is just that Elgin will find his footing and be able to deliver us a more cohesive, well-paced season next year. I fully believe he is capable of this, and if he continues to deliver on the things that did work about this season, we should be in good shape.

Tagging some ppl who have expressed interest in my thoughts: @yourwonkywriter @angelreyesgirl @megapeacelovemusic-blog @starrynite7114 @joannasteez @brattyfics @mareethequeen

[thevampirecat]

friday, september, and yesterday please?

Sorry for the delayed response nonny and thanks for the questions. I thought this ask got eaten by tumblr because it disappeared and then ended up in my drafts.

1. friday: most self-indulgent fic you have ever posted?

You know, they are all self-indulgent, because I literally only write what I want to read. Also fics that weren’t necessarily self indulgent have become so now, for example Be My Saviour is 300000 words long. That right there just screams indulgence to me. The Winter and The Spring is 20000 words of a double date and To Make The Angels Weep is a hamfisted attempt at being symbolic through utter fluff. Losing Sleep Tonight exists because I personally wanted to see if I could still do a slow burn AFTER Frank and Karen had already had a night of marathon steamy sex.

However if I had to pick one it would be Between The Devil And The Deep Blue Sea. The reason is simply because it’s honestly absolute crack. Pirates, steampunk, adventure, hints of bodice ripping mixed in with some fairly over the top humour. It’s the ultimate indulgence to write it and honestly I love it so much. I have based shark-bait Jonny on someone I know, so I mean... this really is all about me...

2. September: share a comment or a review which still warms your heart.

Oh my there are so many! This is one from “What we find in the shadows” that means a lot to me:

Oh. This is so dark and so intense in a way that I don’t think we’ve seen from you? It’s great. It hurts, but in all the right ways that a piece like this should. I am no fluff fiend when it comes to these two (though I will gladly read it with joy bc sometimes you just need to see them utterly happy from time to time), but I am undoubtedly very much a lover of angst. I gravitate to it—particularly when I feel like a couple such as Karen and Frank have a throughline of angst that’s always going to be there simply by the nature of who they are as individuals and as a unit. And I love, LOVE that in both shows and in your writing that said angst is never melodramatic or ovestated. It’s just painfully real. I think, given this fact, that this is one of the things I adore about your writing. You could take it at any given time and place it within TP or DD in a storyline and have it completely work. (Although, in this case that’s a little scary because OH THE PAIN. ;)) But the point stands—you just have a raw, visceral, poetic way of writing. You’re not afraid to dig into the dark parts that exist in these characters (and oh, do they exist) along with the light, and I really dig that. (Speaking of poetic darkness: the back and forth with the wedding imagery also adds a bit of dark whimsy, which I love.)

Anyway, this is gorgeous, and utterly heartbreaking, and it’s a joy to read everything you write—truly. I am saving part two for later, so I have something to look forward to! ;)

Also the lovely @swiftsnowmane’s comments are always so encouraging, like this one:

I know I've already told you how much I adore this, but I'm telling you again -- THIS. IS. BEAUTIFUL. (And...*ahem*...also HOT. lol)

Truly, I am so impressed. You mentioned that it's not your usual style for fics, but your talent apparently knows no end, because well... it just *works*. I mean, this chapter in and of itself could easily be a stand-alone fic, given how well-structured it is, and the progression of emotions throughout. The fact that there's MOAR is hella exciting, and I'm of course dying to read it. :D

It makes me so happy to read this story, and of course, your incredible 'Ballads for a Dead Man' series. Your Kastle fics are not only beautifully-written and well though-out, but they also stand out because of the way you write this pairing, and all the supporting cast around them. You truly *get* these characters.

I'm completely blown away and honoured by this generous gift -- thank you, my friend.

3. Yesterday: favourite way to write angst?

Long, drawn out, painful. I push angst to the absolute limits and I hold it there for as long as I can. I have a rule though that I always do it for a reason and I try and avoid it being overly contrived.

This is was so much fun, if anyone else wants to do it, please do!

[bookishreviewsblog]

Sarah J. Maas: Kingdom of Ash (Throne of Glass #7) | Lara

Years in the making, Sarah J. Maas’s #1 New York Times bestselling Throne of Glass series draws to an epic, unforgettable conclusion. Aelin Galathynius’s journey from slave to king’s assassin to the queen of a once-great kingdom reaches its heart-rending finale as war erupts across her world. . . Aelin has risked everything to save her people―but at a tremendous cost. Locked within an iron coffin by the Queen of the Fae, Aelin must draw upon her fiery will as she endures months of torture. Aware that yielding to Maeve will doom those she loves keeps her from breaking, though her resolve begins to unravel with each passing day… With Aelin captured, Aedion and Lysandra remain the last line of defense to protect Terrasen from utter destruction. Yet they soon realize that the many allies they’ve gathered to battle Erawan’s hordes might not be enough to save them. Scattered across the continent and racing against time, Chaol, Manon, and Dorian are forced to forge their own paths to meet their fates. Hanging in the balance is any hope of salvation―and a better world. And across the sea, his companions unwavering beside him, Rowan hunts to find his captured wife and queen―before she is lost to him forever. As the threads of fate weave together at last, all must fight, if they are to have a chance at a future. Some bonds will grow even deeper, while others will be severed forever in the explosive final chapter of the Throne of Glass series. 

4,5 STARS

“Once upon a time, in a land long since burned to ash, there lived a young princess who loved her kingdom …” After eight books of this amazing story I still can’t believe it is over. Although I started Throne of Glass series in May, I still find these books very dear to me and Celaena’s journey will stay with me for a while. I will most likely put a lot of spoilers in this review, because I am not sure I will be able to write it without some references, so be careful (there will be warnings of course). Even though this book was almost a thousand pages long, it wasn’t anything near boring. It was filled with action and twist from the beginning to the very end. Story and Celaena/Aelin herself have changed so much, that it seems so painfully far to look at the beginning of Throne of Glass. Maas introduced many more characters and storylines, that the length of the book seems quite fair since there was a lot of questions unanswered and stories unfinished. I like world-building and concept of Sarah’s worlds. In fact, if there is a map I can follow through the book while reading about war tactics there is 90% chance I will like the book. By now I can say I know the whole continent by heart since I used to check every city, river or mountain that was mentioned. Something about Sarah’s world-building that bothers me since A Court of Thorns and Roses is that there is no magic system. There are no rules of inheriting power or knowing how powerful one can be. Characters are just born with enormous power and every one of them has some different magic. Book was easy to read, chapters were short, each from different perspective. Descriptions were thorough and beautifully written as well as dialogues. I always admired Maas’s writing, but in this book, I was amazed by all those remarkable descriptions of places, battles and of course characters and their feelings in this amazing world she created. I could picture every scene and even empathize with characters I don’t like. Maas certainly knew how to make this one last story epic and unforgettable, while still pleasing us readers and fangirls. I still feel like there isn’t anything I can write that will put my feelings about this book in one place, but I will try with the characters. As I said before, long way since that lonely assassin in castle, hating the king and struggling to choose between crown prince and head of the guard. Story, characters, even villains have changed, completely. Perhaps I should start with Aelin, because she was character, I was most pleasantly surprised with in Kingdom of Ash. My perspective of her character changed a lot through the series. I loved her character from the beginning. She won my heart in The Assassin’s blade and I loved her strength and determination as well as the idea of 16-year-old assassin. Somewhere in Queen of Shadows, after she took her role as a Queen of Terrasen, she became annoying and I started to dislike her character. She kept her plans to herself and everyone praised her a bit too much, to the point where it felt like she was supposed to be the only important character in the story (where there are dozen main characters). I guess author was trying to make an impression of her being a good queen, still learning to rule, but it was rather annoying more than convincing. But I must say from the beginning of Kingdom of Ash, I started liking Aelin immediately. Maas did a really good job in writing her in state of torture, recovering and finally, continuing fight she started. *spoilers about Aelin’s character development ahead*Aelin showed her strength once again, during two months of brutal torture, by Maeve who wanted her to tell her where are the keys. She never once broke thinking about her country and how she must save it. During that period, I started to understand Aelin more, her motives and personality: how ashamed she was that she left Terrasen for 10 years and now she suffered so her people could stop suffering. From her recovery (which was very realistically described!) to her return to Erilea I forgot all about how she annoyed me. She has changed, started trusting her friends and allies, but those traits that made her one of my favorite character of all times still remained. Brave, willing to sacrifice herself for her friends and her country. She fought through all her pain and loss to glory and love. That scene where she ran out in golden armor in battle and when she stopped the river from destroying entire army were one of my favorite scenes in whole book. Maas did really good job with Aelin in this book, putting her a little bit on the side and creating some space for other characters, but still keeping Aelin as the initiator of everything and never letting her loose her value. There is nothing much to say about Rowan, my opinion on him remained the same as in the past two books – I feel like he is there only to play the role of love interest. Yes, I love him and Aelin together, but I could never connect with his character on a level I could with others and I haven’t seen much development of his. My favorites and the best power couple ever are Manon and Dorian. They were my OTP from the moment Manon was introduces to the series. I love them both so much and hey are my favorite characters from these books. Lots of angst and feelings, but I was disappointed *spoiler* they got separated at the end. I love cruel Chrochan Queen who was raised to kill and torture, but still finds her way and believes in herself. Her character was one of the best developed and most interesting character of the entire series. I loved her from the very beginning, but in Kingdom of Ash she showed not only her brutal side of a warrior and Ironteeth, but merciful and brave side of a queen who will unite and bring her people home. Her relationship with Abraxos and The Thirteen were one of my favorite friendships, **BIG spoiler* the scene of The Thirteen’s sacrifice was really painful. “The choice of how our people's future shall be shaped is yours," Manon told each of the witches assembled, all the Blackbeaks who might fly off to war and never return. "But I will tell you this." Her hands shook, and she fisted them on her thighs. "There is a better world out there. And I have seen it.” I wasn’t particularly fond of other characters, except Dorian and Chaol because they are part of the original trio. There was a whole lot of new and old characters and I couldn’t make myself care for all of them. I literally see no purpose of creating Elide or Lorcan than to add another perspective. Elide wasn’t even that interesting and her so called powers were brought up twice (I even forgot what were they). Sure, I started to like Fenrys, Lysandra was inspiring and I loved Aedion from time to time (although I find his character annoying and poorly developed). *SPOILER* When they are all summed up, we end with a big specter of main characters and, surprisingly, not single one of them died. I mean, I get it, it was a lot of pain and sacrifice throughout the book, but there was so many characters and I guess I even expected to be some painful deaths (that were not sideline characters). *following paragraph contains major spoilers for ending of Kingdom of Ash* “Let’s make this a fight worthy of a song.” I have a desperate need to comment on the ending of Throne of Glass series. As I said before, I was disappointed in lacking of deaths. It is not that I enjoy watching my favorite characters die, it is more about the impression certain ending leaves. I think ending should be emotional, especially after such a big finale. After finishing Kingdom of Ash, I was in state of “book hungover” for two hours (which is negligee compared to few-weeked depressions I endured after really emotional endings). Actually, the only things I was sad about was Aelin’s loss of power and separation of characters. Another thing that slightly bothered me, although I can’t say I am entirely unhappy with the outcome, is how forging of the lock turned out. I expected it would kill Aelin in some very emotional way, or at least it will take an enormous toll on her or Dorian, but at the same time I am glad they survived since they are my favorite characters after all. The whole ending just leaves the huge expression Maas didn’t want to kill of any important character and tbh I find that quite unrealistic and disappointing. Final battle was really tense, well written and I enjoyed reading it. I loved how it was all untangled between Erawan and Maeve. It would be pretty predictable and boring if it ended by them being destroyed with the keys, so this final battle gave the ending an epic note. “Aelin looked at Chaol and Dorian and sobbed. Opened her arms to them, and wept as they held each other. “I love you both,” she whispered. “And no matter what may happen, no matter how far we may be, that will never change.” All in all, I can say I am quite satisfied with this book since I have waited it for a few months and have been dying to see how will it all turn out. Throne of Glass series are really good work and I recommend it to any fantasy lover. The journey of young assassin has come to an end, but I can’t say I regret one moment of it.

[somethingheresomethingthere]

Book Memories Memory

March 31, 2020

I like to keep a list of all the books I’ve read, but I have a hard time remembering specifics in order to give good recommendations. I sent Cara and Kaylin The Final Girls and A Man Named Ove respectively. I remembered my feelings associated to the books but not why I felt that way - this makes a recommendation tough. 

I’ve been reading quite a bit during this pause. Since I’m keeping this learning log, I would be remise not to include the books along the way.  

The Good Girl, Mary Kubica - I think it was Amber who recommended this to me with the caveat that it’s suburban. I didn’t find it all that suburban - I think that’s like housewife self-loathing and worrying about kids. If anything it was just a bit underwhelming. The storyline was interesting and went in a place I couldn’t predict- In crime/drama/mysteries that means a lot. The peak of the story roped me in to iron out the details, but in the end I felt nothing for the characters. I would recommend The Silent Wife, The Couple Next Door, Final Girls all over this one. 

Conversations With Friends, Sally Rooney - I picked this up as soon as I finished The Good Girl. Rooney’s Normal People was actually what originally caught my eye, but it was a hard cover, and I’m a broke bitch, so I went with this one. Critically acclaimed, on everybody’s list, seemed to have a light tone, with an interesting enough summary. Ended up really enjoying this book. In the beginning, it felt slow, but I learned the intentionality of it - eventually felt connected to what she was feeling and examined each thought against my own life. At the last page, I felt grateful to have spent the time thinking about myself and my relationships and what I want alongside this book. It’s confusing, it’s sexy, it’s blurry - I don’t know how tragic this is, but I think this is the romanticized picture I have of what living alternatively in my 20s looks like. Normal People is definitely on my list now. 

April 12, 2020

All the Light We Cannot See, Anthony Doeer - Recommended by Grammy, a Barnes and Noble employee, and the shelving. During quarantine, had some trouble getting to it in the beginning. Many of the characters feeling stuck, limited, without choices- wasn’t exactly an escape. I was waiting to feel something over the relationships developed between characters, but that never really happened. This book is about choosing the kind of person that you want to be, and the limitlessness of your possibilities even when the opposite seems true. The characters that meet tragic ends still left me at peace with their choices. Centered around a blind girl, and separately, a equally genius and curious boy. Now that I think of it, they’re both equally equally genius and curious. The author beautifully left out conventional perceptions and assumptions, described very specific things with incredible beautiful detail, and allowed characters to be judged as individuals and not by their identifiers without evidence. I’m not left thinking about this book often, but their characters will sit with me, especially Marie-Laure. The last 200 pages goes quickly. 

April 26, 2020

Enigma Variations, André Aciman - Kaylin sent me this in quarantine book exchange. At first I was shocked by how graphically sexualized the story was, and I wasn’t clear what it was she wanted to share with me. The book breaks down the intimate relationships throughout the entire life of one person into chapters. Earlier on, reading his voice exposed me to an inter-monologue that I never really hear, forcing me to experience another persons narrative, giving me some more empathy tools. But following this narrator’s growth in building knowledge of himself, how to navigate relationships, and relate to the world around him with more maturity and self-assuredness even when there was doubt was somehow cathartic? I was reflecting on my own relationships throughout the entire experience. 

May 31, 2020

Educated, Tara Westover - I’m with Oprah on this one. Whatever you’re going through, read Educated. This is a memoir which is nuts. Tara’s life is so unlike anyone I’ve ever met. Her life demonstrates the value of education and gaining perspective. Her journey to understand her own life is fascinating and something we can all relate to in some minor capacity. She is such an incredible writer, and there is not a single dull, self-indulgent chapter in her story. I watched an Amy Winehouse documentary at the same time as I was in this book, so I don’t remember if it was Amy or Tara who said this, but it’s stuck with me and keeps coming up. She says we never really have feeling about our lives in the moment, it’s when we think back and analyze those memories and try to fit them into the bigger picture of our lives that we actually attach emotions to experiences. I’m thinking that that means we get a lot of say in how we feel about things. Also, actually learned what the term “gaslighting” means through this experience. 

All The Bight Places, Jennifer Niven - Violet and Finch explore and discover life and happiness and togetherness through the lens of each of their pain. Finch is either given all the wrong attention or none at all while Violet silently passes with the pain of her lost sister. They find each other at their worst and make each other see the best in themselves. All the plot points in this book should feel devastating and depressing but it is so beautiful. This is a John Green kinda book that is just something more. I admire how Finch chose to live and is efforts in bringing Violet to that place. Makes me think differently about everyone’s sadnesses.

July 6, 2020

Animal Dreams, Barbara Kingslover - I loved this book. It took me some time to get through because there’s not much action in the story. The book is the year of a women who comes home and comes to better understand all kinds of love. I related to parts of Codi that felt the urge to constantly recreate herself and move on. Here you get to experience what it’s like to find yourself at home and realize you are loved and love your life and you don’t need to run from it. Really beautiful, simple, profound statements about the appreciation of life. 

August 31, 2020

Lies That Chelsea Handler Told Me, Chelsea and Friends - This was such easy reading. Each friend of Chelsea’s shares a strig of short stories that attempt to be funny but are really just nice in a time of isolation. I liked reading an ode to a friend that was complex and celebrated even the most annoying and scary parts of her. 

The More They Disappear, Jesse Donaldson - I was looking forward to finishing this book to get away from these characters. Everyone is miserable. The book surrounds the investigation of the sheriff’s murder, and the story almost lays itself all out in the beginning. It’s more of a why-done-it than who-done-it. Beautiful descriptive writing but the story itself is miserable and anticlimactic. 

October 28, 2020

Call Me By Your Name, André Aciman

Bring Yourself, Mori Taheripour

[halethesourestwolf]

Some ramblings about tonight’s episode(s).

It’s understandable that a lot of people are unhappy with tonight’s episode(s), but, honestly, it was better than I thought possible. It may be that I’m lost to denial land and can’t get out, or it might be because the story I’m working on reflects all of the positive aspects of the episode(s), which I’ll keep that way, but I don’t know. I’m not overjoyed with the negative elements, but the positives are enough for me.

I mean, it started out with Aaron and Robert waking up, and their reactions to the release; Aaron’s elation, and Robert’s excitement, which was tainted with guilt and fear (he wears it so beautifully). Let’s talk about how adorable it is for Robert to have set an alarm with a reminder that he gets his husband back, how nervous he was, and how anxious he was to look half decent for their reunion. Or the fact that he got out of the car, crossed to the middle of the road, and just held the shit out of Aaron for all the world to see. How far he’s come in accepting himself for what and who he is makes me so, so proud of him, and accepting them and their relationship; it’s a beautiful thing. Plus, the second Aaron reached out for his hand in a pub full of people, Robert didn’t hesitate.

Robert telling Rebecca to keep quiet, sure, it looks bad, but I genuinely believe it’s because he needs Aaron to have at least one day to ease back into his life before he gets his heart broken rather than him desperately trying to hide what he’s done. He chased after Aaron, thinking he knew, and he was prepared to face up to it, taking whatever he deserves, because he’s going to fight for them with all it takes. And the punch! I love Robert, I really do, but he looks so good getting the shit knocked out of him.

Aaron, finally breaking down and telling someone about what he’s been dealing with in prison, this is such a huge deal for him, and he did it. I mean, he could have kept quiet, it’s over now, so what would anyone do about it, anyway? But he didn’t, he told Robert everything, let it all out. And, Robert, he listened to it all, reacted perfectly, and tried to offer the support Aaron needs. Both of them admitting and accepting that there are problems there between them that they need help with, and Robert promising to do whatever it takes to make sure Aaron gets that; it’s been a long time coming, and, finally, it’s there. It’s such a huge thing, and I really, really hope that Emmerdale don’t gloss over it, that we get to see them getting counselling/talking about things that matter, because otherwise what would the prison hell have been pushing towards if not this? Both of them have been forced to face the issues they have, their reactions to situations beyond their control, the inability to communicate properly when it matters the most, and they’ve had to face their demons (Aaron more than Robert at this stage, but I’m sure his time will come soon enough). They’ve both learnt a lot about themselves through all of this, realised how low they can truly sink, and now here’s to hoping they learn to understand each other better as well as sorting themselves out.

Victoria suddenly befriending Rebecca is as odd as Adam suddenly hanging out with Ross (because both pairs hated each other, and with nothing between that and this to show them getting over their issues, it’s just...odd. Or, well, obviously, it’s all one big plot device to shove all of them together in a weird pregnancy gang. I’ve decided to let them get on with it, because I’ve got more important things to worry about, like, well, Aaron and Robert (and Liv!). Whatever comes of all this, those two are my focus, everyone else around them are just things getting in the way, so I’m concentrating on them and mentally willing them to figure it all out, together, as a couple, because sod everyone else.

Rebecca. I want to like her, I’ve tried to hate her and failed, because she started out with so much potential to be a really interesting character - she was set apart from the rest of her horrid family, but now I have no idea what she’s become. But if she is pregnant with Robert’s baby, I’ll do something improbable that I’ve yet to think of, because, really? She’s been sleeping with Ross, apparently a lot, for months, but one night with Robert, mere weeks ago, and her first assumption is that it’s his (that look meant that, right? I was focusing on the beautiful people in the room at the time, oops). What are the odds? And that’s if she’s even really pregnant at all. No reflection on this entire mess of a storyline, but I really don’t see her as a mother; she was described as a flighty young thing at heart who did what she wanted, when she wanted, and just up and left and moved wherever, whenever, so a life-long commitment like that doesn’t fit, and there’s been no real character development to show us she’s moved on from that or how and why beyond her obsession with winning Robert. Not that she’s shown us much of this exciting side that was built-up and forgotten about two minutes later, either, like, but still. I honestly don’t know what to think or how to feel about her, this sudden attitude of being a victim somehow amongst all of it, and her desperate attempts to make Robert jealous, as if he’s ever going to pick her (or anyone else, for that matter) over Aaron, sorry, love, but nice try.

I think I’ve reached the point where I don’t care about her character one way or the other (it’s a bit late to actually make her into an established character), because the cheating (if it actually happened, I’m still not convinced, but I’m no doubt going to be proved wrong - I mean, that look could have been her cooking up a plan to get back at him for all we know, especially after hearing Robert and Aaron being perfect), well, it’s done, now, it’s over, and Robert’s never going back there again, so that’s all out of the way, and the fallout will bring us some spectacular scenes from Danny and Ryan, so I can live with that, to be honest. We can put the Rebecca thing to bed and get on with our lives, even if there are some bumps along the way.

Faith. I want to like her, but I also can’t forget what she did to Chas and Cain. She’s trying, though, I’ll give her that, and she seemed genuinely hurt when Debbie decides to put her in her place, but I don’t know. She does crack me up, though, she’s getting the best funny lines, and I’m mostly Aaron, laughing and pretending not to be.

Gabby, though, oh god. I feel for her so much, but I think she’ll be all right with Laurel there; they’ll help each other through it. Sometimes I wish Laurel really was her mum, I think she would have been so much better off, because most of the time, as far as parenting goes, Bernice is useless. The moment she had with Ashley, though, and, I mean, I’ve never liked Ashley, over the years there’s been so many things I’ve hated about him, but I wouldn’t wish dementia on anyone. I’m so glad she finally managed to talk to him, even if he’s not really there anymore, it’s what she needed. And Marlon, god, why does it hurt me when he cries? Stop it.

Let’s not even start on Rhona and Pierce, because watching someone be manipulated and abused like that, it triggers me a little, not enough not to watch, but I struggle to cope with it. I know what it’s like to have someone whispering in your ear, and to believe them, to let them cause pain and suffering, and to see them getting off on it, but being powerless against it. I really hope that whole thing isn’t on screen too much or too often.

But did I mention Aaron and Robert? I love them, and I’ve missed them, and as far as they were concerned, this episode was better than I’d hoped overall. Hugs, hand holding, adorable little moments of them being dorks, emotions being talked about, experiences being shared, supporting each other, and, well, they’re no longer separated, I think that was the whole point of this post. Aaron is home, Robert has his husband back, and now we can at least bask in that for a week before it all goes to hell again.

Things I do feel disappointed by, but that I’m not surprised at, the same with the whole pregnancy thing - we knew it was coming, and it was obvious how it would go, and I’m a bit of the same with these as well. Aaron supported Adam all throughout his prison ordeal, but not once did Adam go and visit Aaron, and then he comes home and he’s so busy being a dick in the background with Ross he couldn’t be arsed to even hug his best mate and welcome him home. Why don’t people talk about how Aaron makes Adam a better person, but unlike Robert who actually remains someone who keeps trying to be better when he’s in a scene without him, Adam reverts right back to being a dick (or stupidly adorable whilst still mostly being a dick). Again, Cain supported Adam when he went to prison, but it was as if he couldn’t care less about Aaron going, and although I am pleased we got a scene with Cain and Aaron, I think he could have seem more pleased to have him home, and what about Cain knowing Jason’s dad, what was the point in mentioning it at all if there’s not even a conversation about it? And where the hell was Paddy? Chas and Liv are gone, which is understandable, but where is everyone else? Faith cared more about welcoming Aaron home than anyone else outside of Robert, and I think half of that was because she wanted an excuse for a party with someone else paying the bill. I just find it odd that no one seemed to care he was home all that much, especially since we didn’t see or hear of anyone else visiting.

Overall, though, as far as our lads go, I’m happy with what we got of them. Fuck everyone else, because no one ever cares about Robert, and Aaron is always overlooked, so, whatever, I’m beyond caring about anyone else, even the few characters I usually love have been so awful lately.

[orphanedcub]

SPOILERS

Season 8 feelings. It’s going to be a long and messy one, but I want my thoughts here as well.

So I slept and still.. have emotions over Season 8...

I really really enjoyed the beautiful animation of this season. It was... so fucking gorgeous. All of the pretty mecha scenes, all of the beautifully coloured and lit scenes... How gorgeous everyone was drawn... It was all so urgh mwah

I super enjoyed all the girls getting to bond too, and I'd love to think that after S8, Acxa, Zethrid & Esor got to hang out with them too. They deserve to be able to go on more little outings, have movie nights, share their cultures etc

While it didn't have the build-up it needed, I'm glad Allurance became canon. Lance has, despite what many people say??, developed a lot as a character over the course of the entire show. And whilst I don't think that a character's development is defined by their romantic relationships, the way Lance handled his feelings for Allura and the way he supported her was a testament to his maturity. I would have liked to of seen more from Allura, how her feelings for Lance came to be, especially after her relationship with Lotor but there were a lot of relationships, motives etc that we didn't get to see. So I feel like Allurance was just another victim of the struggles the Staff has been battling with all this time.

Episode 7 was super cute and soft, I liked seeing more of the MFE Pilots, and to have that episode lead into the Clear Day Carnival was a good emotional break. Neither episode were entirely the 'goof' episode we're used to, but I feel that's with the nature of the final season.

I have to say too, that I really enjoy how Voltron dealt with villains. That in the end, none of them were truly 'just evil'. That good intentions, pure love, can be twisted and poisoned. That the end does not always justify the means.

We really got to see into Zarkon, Honerva and Lotor's world as a family and how it all fell apart. We saw them as they were, as they fell into obsession and how this formed Lotor and his motivations. We saw Zarkon mourn for what he had done, and Honerva's motherly love literally break the universe, as twisted and dark as it had become. I would have liked her end to not have been such a series of snaps, but I can appreciate how delicate of a mentality she had at that point.

And in the end, even if I don't think Lotor would have welcomed her into the afterlife as he did.......... I am glad that the three of them got to be a family. Maybe in the eternity of the afterlife they can mend.

Hunk was a stand-out this season. I feel like we all don't love him enough, and I'm glad he got the screen time he deserved and melded his love for cooking with his peace-making.

Pidge was cute this season too, though I really really.... REALLY would have loved to see Chip activated. Seeing the Holt family dynamic was adorable and honest to fuck she would have been an amazing character for me as a child.

One thing I want to touch on though, which will lead into a lot of things, is Allura's pain of 'I have no family and home to return to, but you all do'. Lance, Hunk and Pidge do. They all have their families and homes.

But, and this is going to be a theme, why are Shiro and Keith forgotten here? Shiro, we have no idea about his family or home life before The Garrison. We don't know what he has to return to, if anything. For all we know, he could have been an orphan too which could be another reason why he so wanted to motivate and help Keith way back when. And Keith, the boy who lived in a shack for a year, who only just got his mother 'back', whose father's grave is waiting for him on Earth... What home does Keith have to return to? What family? Krolia is, true to her character, going to remain in space with the Galra. And if the Epilogue is to be believed, then Keith continues to work............ Allura was never the only one with 'nothing'.

Found family was always a huge theme, as well as family in itself, and I really.... really wish all the Paladins had bonded more. In the end, they all splintered off. I didn't expect them to remain as a unit, far from it, but with how janky they'd been written from time to time - I don't know. I think it was the Epilogue that killed it for me. They were all bonded but also still never felt like an entire family.

And before I go into the Epilogue, I wanna touch on the final fight. Epic as it was, and it was (I loved the animation, the low-key/high-key NGE vibes haha)... there was a lot lacking from it.

Atlas forming with Voltron was fucking epic. Them flying through realities, ending up at the Beginning and the End was really really cool and dramatic and the sort of thing I'd expect. But what I expected more from was all of the Paladins working together.

Honerva and her robeast at the end was meant to feel like an enemy they could not overcome. But after the fusion, it felt like the team were doing worse against her than when they were apart. And there was no real tactics to the battle, they just kept getting bested and kept going. For a team that, through all these seasons, showed so much growth, a melting pot of all the different ways they think, and the undeniable intelligence and strategic prowess of their members, the final fight felt a bit blunt.

And what I just can't escape, as someone who yes has a giant ship of these characters, but also someone who loves their canon bond and the characters in themselves, who sees so much of themselves in these characters and got a lot of comfort from them...

They did Shiro and Keith, as individuals, as friends, as found family, as lovers, whatever we feel they are, -- dirty.

As individuals, I felt Keith got quite a good cut this season. He was an amazing leader, motivating his team and keeping it together even in the most bleak of times. He supported Lance, and I'm glad to see their friendship as something more stable and even now. And I know a lot of issues are going to come down to time, but I'm a bit sad that his whole bonding with Krolia was mostly an off-screen, two-year time skip where we just have to assume these two emotionally constipated characters worked their shit out.

And in the end, in the Epilogue, they're apart again. I know that's kind of part of their dynamic, but both of them have shown a deeper complexity of emotions, and with motherly love and family being such a theme I would have liked to of had something more there.

Shiro. Shiro felt especially empty this season. He was still the strong leader we love, commanding the Atlas like no one else could. But a lot fell short. His relationship, not just with Keith, but the entire team felt damaged and it didn't seem like he was bonding with the crew and people on the Atlas 'instead' (though if the Epilogue is to be acknowledged, then he had a lot of off-screen time with a character we didn't really even know the name of...?).

JK did an amazing job voicing him, and however flat or hollow Shiro felt this last season is nothing on him. And I can't get past adoring how Shiro was during the arm wrestling. Being called old, told he couldn't do something... That fire in Shiro is to be adored.

But something that a lot of us adored and could see, even those that weren't 'into' Voltron, even reviewers and 'professional fans' (who at times can feel distant in other fandoms), that wasn't really present this season - was Shiro and Keith's bond. No matter how you see it or HC it, throughout the entirety of Voltron one relationship has been strong and unbreakable. From Keith saving Shiro in the first episode, through as many times as it took to The Black Paladins, their bond was important. Special.

Whether you saw it as a strong male bond that went beyond male friendships in media or as a slow burn male love relationship - Shiro and Keith's bond has been something to be admired as it is, as it was loved by fans and staff alike and in the context of the media. And that, sadly, felt forgotten this past season. The two barely shared a conversation and were noticeably physically and emotionally distant. Why was it not Shiro that recognized that it wasn't Keith relaying those messages to them, but someone pretending to be him?

Why did they never seem more concerned for one another? Why when they knew they were losing Allura did they stand so far apart? There were so many moment where in the past seasons, we would just see the two together. Standing close. Sharing that bond. That trust. Something that was always there from their placing, to how differently they'd speak to one another, to the small expressions of physical contact. That was all... gone?

I'm somewhat happy to know that the original ending was meant to be all the Paladins running out into the night to see the lions do their thing. That that was the open-ended close LM and JDS wanted. But that just makes the Epilogue so much stranger. The Holts, Hunk, Lance, Krolia & Kolivan I can understand and see. Keith's ending, yes somewhat (but also he's never stopped being that awkward boy with people 1on1, so him doing something so social is dnjfnwef) ...

But Shiro? For a show that said they would never put in romance for the sake of it, that they'd never cheap-out, really did. I feel in my guts something is wrong, and while I'm happy to see a male gay marriage + kiss (especially in this media), I can't shake it... I can't shake that Shiro and Keith's bond was blunted this season, that they went back on their word about romance and relationships, that they ended with a 'the females died to save the world' storyline... That Keith was fucking blocked from the marriage shot???????

I just can't 'believe' it, if that makes sense. We had Shiro as our official rep, and he didn't have to end up with anyone to prove that, he didn't deserve to be paired randomly to get 'better' rep and Keith and Shiro didn't deserve to have their bond forgotten.

I just don't know. I'm currently starting to overheat, thanks Australia, and my mind is still blurry. But with how things have been going in this fandom, how antis and horrible people have harassed and attacked the staff, how DW failed to handle Voltron as a whole and choked their staff, I'm not surprised that the ending has left many fans feeling uncomfortable. I don't know if LM &/or JDS are ever going to be able to speak out about anything or if any of the ex-directors can.. or VAs... I wouldn't blame them if they just wanted to dust their hands with Voltron and move on. But I sure would appreciate... something? For now I guess I can just hold onto the open-ended end they intended to leave us with.

And love on the fandom, the good slice of the fandom, and try to enjoy myself. Though I fear that the ending will fuel some of the worst of the fandom, and that is affecting my want to actually get my ass in gear and create content for Voltron ...

I know I just need to connect with others here, share our pain and love, and heal together. I never expected a Sheith Canon Ending, and that's not what all of this is about... but you better believe that these boys in love is what I'm going to turn to to help me heal again.