#the two most dramatic exy players to exist

[owlarchimedes]

This really, REALLY implies to me Kevin and Jean have had IN DEPTH discussions about how hot and amazing Jeremy Knox is like WHAT ELSE could "some of them you like" "don't you dare" even mean!? Jean won't even THINK about it, this moments so quick I completely missed it on my first (albeit feral) read

[professionalfangirl24601]

Aftg Book of Mormon AU, in which Kevin is... well, Kevin, Neil is Arnold and Andrew is Nabulungi. Kayleigh is alive and she's a celebrity. Instead of Mormonism, they try to spread the word about Exy, which is a very new and not widely known sport.

There's a sports center where people can play it. That's where Neil ends up by accident. He doesn't love Exy, it's objectively terrible. Instead of racquets, they throw and catch the small ball with their hands, body checking of any kind is illegal, etc. He still goes there, though because for the first time in his life, he's not in danger and he doesn't know what to do with his time.

Kevin wants to be the one who makes Exy famous. Not necessarily because he likes the sport, but because he wants to make his mother proud.

In the beginning, people at the center get paired up. Everyone's happy with who they got as a partner and where they are sent (France, Norway, Japan). Of course, Kevin and Neil get paired up. Kevin's not very happy, because Neil is new to the sport and can't play it as well as him. To top it off, they get sent to South Carolina.

At this point, Kevin is seriously disappointed. He didn't have any particular destination in mind, but South Carolina seems too ordinary and small for his huge dreams and ego. Kayleigh tells him that they are focusing more on the US, and that's why they chose him, the strongest and the most knowledgeable person on the team, to go there.

Neil doesn't really care. He's just happy that this time he isn't traveling to disappear. He doesn't like Kevin because he thinks he's too arrogant, but they get along for the sake of the trip.

When they arrive, they immediately go to the PSU. They ask the president of the university, David Wymack to let them talk about the sport to the students and he agrees. Mostly because he used to date Kayleigh.

They go to class to class and interrupt the lectures for it. Nobody cares about what they have to say, they just want them to finish soon. Andrew goes because Nicky forces him for socialization purposes. That's just an excuse, though. In reality, he goes because he liked Neil.

From the whole University, they collected only 9 players. And they're the most bizarre group of people ever. Two of them are five feet tall. Kevin is devastated. He's so disappointed that he leaves Neil, the famous liar, alone there and decides to go somewhere where he thinks he'll be more successful. He falls asleep at the bus station, though, and has the Spooky Exy Hell Dream.

It's the dream he's been seeing from his childhood and without any reason at all. He's in the building that's under an Exy stadium and has black and red walls. There are people in the same color uniforms, some of them with numbers tattooed on their faces. Kevin himself has number two tattooed. There's torture, skeletons, lacrosse sticks. It's like hell.

After seeing that dream, Kevin's belief in his duty is strong as ever. He decides to go back and single-handedly make Exy the most popular sport ever.

He's not ready for what greets him there, though. He goes to the stadium and sees that the original 9 people have tripled and are divided between two groups. But instead of Exy, they're playing the weird game, the one he'd been seeing in his nightmares for years. They have the lacrosse sticks and all.

Neil is watching them like he's the coach. He doesn't stop the players when they body-check each other.

Kevin stomps over to Neil angrily and confronts him. Neil says that no one liked Exy so he made a couple of changes. But Kevin can't see the original game under the changes. It's a completely new one at this point.

It looks like Wymack likes it too. He comes over to them and tells them that since people like it so much, maybe he'll make it an official sport there. So Kevin bites his tongue and doesn't say anything.

After the practice is over, the original players, who now call themselves the Foxes, go to them to talk to Neil. It's like they don't even remember Kevin but they seem very close to Neil. They're like his friends. Kevin notices that Neil's particularly close to the short goalie.

Angry about it all, Kevin decides to continue his job alone. He prints out posters and sticks them up in the streets, he goes to schools to talk to the students about it. Nothing works. Kevin turns to alcohol instead of coffee.

The word about their success reaches Kayleigh and she plans to visit them. Turns out that between people that were sent out, they've attracted the biggest number of participants to Exy. Kevin and Neil agree to act like they're still working together in front of Kayleigh.

Kayleigh and Wymack see each other and it's very dramatic. There are tears and she accidentally says that Kevin's his son. Things get awkward between him and Kevin and he forgets to tell him about the game they prepared to play for Kayleigh.

They play the whole match. Wymack, Kevin, Neil, and Kayleigh are watching it from the VIP section. Some of the foxes are not so great but there are some noticeable players, like Andrew, who blocks almost every shot on the goal (and for some reason looks at Neil after each block). The strands are full of people and they seem to like it very much.

Kayleigh doesn't notice anything but how wrong it all is. It's like watching a movie based on her favorite book. Every little detail that's inaccurate feels bigger than things that are well done. Except it's not just details, it's a whole new sport.

After the game is over, Andrew goes over to Neil, but Kayleigh tells him that he's been lied to and if he wants to play the real Exy, she'll show them how to. Andrew replies that they all knew it wasn't the original Exy, because Google exists, but people thought the old one sucked so they went along with it.

Neil is as shocked as everyone else, he was worried that he would have to explain that it was all a lie that got out of hand. They'd never trust him again. He'd lose his friends and Andrew.

Kayleigh stomps off in rage. Kevin goes after her and they have an argument. After which Kevin decides to stay there and reach success for his own sake and without standing in his mother's shadow.

Wymack, on the other hand, is stuck as a witness to a very homoerotic conversation between Andreil that he can't seem to avoid in any universe.

[nickireadstfc]

The Foxhole Court, Chapter 1: Angsty With A Chance Of Extra™

In which we are introduced to Neil Josten, the angst-iest protag since OOTP!Harry Potter, and we meet his new friends: Coach Wymack, a Certified Hufflepuff, Andrew Minyard, a kitten who thinks of nothing but murder all day, and Kevin Day, a Big Deal. Everyone is blessed with a healthy dose of Extra and Dramatic™. Hernandez is also there, I guess.

Sounds good? Then it’s time for Nicki to read The Foxhole Court.

So a while ago I made this post demonstrating my absolute confusion over what the fuck The Foxhole Court is (What is the court everyone’s talking about? Why so much orange? What is that weird ass sport? What is the court???). Since then, I’ve had countless anons trying to explain the plot to me and/or urging me to read the damn books.

So here I am. Reading the damn books.

Disclaimer: This is, first and foremost, 100% inspired by/based on Mark Reads ‘Harry Potter’ which I truly believe is one of the most hilarious and well-written things you can find on the Internet. Mark, I owe you everything.

Let’s fucking go.

           Neil Josten let his cigarette burn to the filter without taking a drag. He didn’t want the nicotine; he wanted the acrid smoke that reminded him of his mother.

What the hell. Two sentences in and I can already tell that Neil is extra. Like, seriously Super Extra™. I get that it’s meant tragically and refers to past trauma and all, but oh my god. This is some Augustus Waters type shit.

For the record: I love it.

(Please do not ever take anything I say at face value. I’m a sarcastic piece of shit and I can already tell I’m going to love this series. Please.)

So apparently, Neil’s dad is in prison and his mom is dead. He is also an actual homeless dude who sleeps either in an abandoned real estate or just in his school’s locker room. What the fuck, that is the saddest shit I’ve read all day. No wonder is angst levels are through the ceiling. Someone care for this kid.

           His neighbors rarely left the comfort of their couches and daily soaps, but every time he came and went he risked getting spotted. If people realized he was squatting they’d start asking difficult questions.

Okay so this is my bilingual brain talking, I know squatting means something else here, but I just imagined Neil idly doing his squats in his appropriated backyard.

No shit, dude. I’d start asking questions too.

This is the point where we finally get some info on what the fuck Exy is.

           Exy was a bastard sport, an evolved sort of lacrosse on a soccer-sized court with the violence of ice hockey, and Neil loved every part of it from its speed to its aggression.

MURDER LACROSSE! Yay!

Why is it called Exy though, is what I’m wondering. Because that is a dumb ass name. Endanger and eXplore Yourself? Extremist Youngsters? Extremely Yellow?

The last one is a joke. We all know that they’re fucking orange.

What I’m also wondering is how the hell that sport came to be. It evolved from lacrosse, sure, but like… How? Someone just thought “Hey, I want my lacrosse to be a lot more MURDEROUS so I’m gonna play it on a BIG ASS FIELD with VIOLENT ASS PLAYERS”?

Then again, someone also thought to just play golf but with tiny weak balls and clubs, and today we have mini golf. So there’s that.

Now it’s time for the entrance of someone who’s shaping up to be my first favourite character: Coach Wymack.

           “Bullshit,” Neil said. “No one recruits from Millport. No one knows where it is.”

           “There’s this thing called a map,” the stranger said. “You might have heard of it.”

That’s his first line. That’s his first line. I love this guy.

I continue loving this guy because he offers Neil a way out of his shitty living situation: Hey, come play with my team of rejects, homeless dudes, juvies and addicts! We might be so shitty we’re gonna get kicked out of the Almighty Exy League if we don’t deliver, and our players have regular actual suicide attempts, but at least we’re getting a lot of media coverage! Oh, you’re on the run from your murderous dad and trying to lay low? My bad.

What a dude.

Next up, another character introduces himself in a wonderfully defining way: Andrew Minyard, who likes Neil’s hot bod so much he decides to smack a racquet into it.

          “God damn it, Minyard. This is why we can’t have nice things.”

I agree. Chill out, my man, no need for violence.

(I have a slight feeling “No need for violence” is not exactly the Foxes’ team slogan.)

Surprisingly, Neil turns out to be a massive stalker fanboy as he exactly knows who Andrew is and has been collecting newspaper clippings on him for, like, years. No biggie. I can already smell the shippers lurking in the distance.

Spoiler alert: I also know that those two will end up Banging™ at some point because tumblr told me. It’s seriously the only thing tumblr told me was for sure happening.

What can I say. We love our gays here on this hellsite.

However, Neil’s ability to easily follow all the drama that was going on in Exy World also adds to the questionable existence of Exy. A sport has to be around for some time to get that kind of news coverage.

Example: My best friends do competitive cheerleading, which has been around for years and years, but it’s still a minority sport here in Germany. They have massive tournaments and fierce competition between teams, yet no one gives a shit. Only like, two teams even get any news coverage, and certainly not enough to make this level of stalking possible.

I’m calling bullshit artistic freedom.

(I don’t actually mind too much because I live for the drama. Also, Palmetto State Uni is fictional as well, so who gives a shit.)

It’s time for another wonderful character introduction: Meet Kevin Day.

We don’t know much about Kevin yet except for the fact that he’s a Big Deal in Exy World and Neil sorta hates him. They go way back, apparently.

           Kevin was sitting on top of the entertainment center along the back wall. He’d pushed the TV off to one side to give himself more room and covered the space around him with papers.

Again, this may be me bilingual brain talking, but. How am I supposed to understand this?

Papers, as in newspaper that he’s been reading? Like “Oh god, you guys were taking so long being Emo and Persuasive out there with your contracts I just had to read something to save myself from actual brain death”? Or papers, as in actual sheets of paper that he just spread around himself for dramatic effect??

Either way, it’s Extra and Dramatic and I love it.

           He and his adopted brother Riko Moriyama wrote the numbers one and two on their faces with markers, tracing them over and over every time they started to fade. Neil didn’t understand it then, but Kevin and Riko were aiming for the stars. They were going to be famous, they promised him.

Literally what level of E X T R A.

I cannot stop laughing at this.

What a nerd.

Also: Riko! I’ve heard that name before. I think he and Neil don’t exactly wear friendship bracelets. I think.

Does he wear friendship bracelets with Kevin?

Intrigued for more. #findrikosfriendshipbracelet2k17

Kevin is also probably kind of an idiot. Like, you watched a man get murdered with this guy and yet you don’t recognize him with a little bit of hair dye on? Either Neil is Hannah Montana or you’re just a massive dumbo.

(Or he’s just pretending not to know him for Plot Related Reasons, which is the most likey answer. But let’s go with Hannah Montana for now.)

           “Your opinion has been noted and duly dismissed” Wymack said.

Fury, anyone?

           “You need one of us to talk to your parents? (…) Are they the ones who hurt you?”

Have I mentioned I love Wymack.

           “You know the people I look for. (…) Foxes are Foxes for a reason and they know we wouldn’t sign you if you didn’t qualify. That doesn’t mean they know specifics. It’s not my place to ask, and I’m sure as hell not going to tell them.”

Okay but have I mentioned I love Wymack.

           Coach Wymack was quiet for a minute. “Did you think I made the team the way it is because I thought it would be a good publicity stunt? It’s about second chances, Neil. Second, third, fourth, whatever, as long as ou get at least one more than what anyone else wanted to give you.”

Okay but HAVE I MENTIONED I LOVE WYMACK.

Holy fucking shit. I cannot get over this guy.

This is the most Hufflepuff thing I’ve read in probably forever. Like, he deserves a badge. A Certified Hufflepuff badge. Which is, in my opinion, the highest honours you can give someone. What the hell.

Obvs, Neil signs with the Foxes after that shining, glittering star of a motivation speech.

Next up: University! Murder lacrosse! Childhood trauma! Fun gay times!

(Side note: I feel like that’s a good description of the series as a whole.)

I seriously cannot wait.