#the tyrant of thugtown [ vinnie cannoli ]

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Vinnie, I bet you can defeat an entire pack of Velociraptors.

"..listen, I'm flattered that you think that I could do 'dat- but have you seen those friggin' things?"

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Paulie: Y'know, it ain't normal to want to bash someone's head in 'cause they gave you a funny look.

Vinnie: It's not? Damnit.

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(Elizabeth essentially created by @chaoscryptid-inc)

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Some headcanons about Vinnie Cannoli, my favorite mobster.

(put under a cut just for conveniences sake)

Vinnie joined the mafia when he was 26 years old, he was more of an errand boy at first but his skills were very quickly noticed- causing him to rapidly move up in the ranks until he was an enforcer.

He damn near beat his father to death, Vinnie had planned to attack him for a long while. His original plan was to just kill the prick, but unfortunately- his neighbors had heard his screams and were already coming to see what was going on, so he ran out and got the hell out of dodge.

He was disowned by his mother after she found out what he was doing for a living, he did find her reaction to be fair, but it still killed him to know that the only person who had really cared about him now wanted less than nothing to do with him.

Vinnie has the most atrocious diet known to man, he has not eaten a single vegetable in 20 years.

He's got a dog! A Labrador named Ashley, he found her in a house he was breaking into. Owners had run away and left her there, so he took her in.

He's stayed away from romantic relationships ever since his disaster of a marriage went up in flames, he just never saw a reason to go back to dating anyone if it would most likely end up in a shitshow like that again.

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Short Notice.

Characters: Vinnie Cannoli, Paulie Daniels

No cw/tws

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"We're goin' to Thugtown?!"

"No, I'M goin' to Thugtown."

Paulie was taken aback by that statement, he had continued to read about the city since Vinnie mentioned it in passing. Cannibal rioters, the law being completely taken over and losing control of the city, it was horrifying to read. And now Vinnie was going there alone?

"The hell do you mean youre going alone?" Paulie stammered out, stepping to the side as Vinnie moved past him to grab onto another pair of shoes. "Fairly obvious, ain't it?" Cannoli replied with a chuckle, pulling up one of the suit jackets in his briefcase to slide the dress shoes underneath it.

Daniels scoffed at that, "You know what I mean." He grumbled, crossing his arms and looking down. "Listen, it'll be fine. It's just a quick in'n'out, grab the guy, get the hell outta there and get a lotta dough. What could go wrong with that?" Vinnie told him, taking his handgun out of his jacket and sliding the magazine out.

"What could go wrong is you bein' done in by a group of those cannibalistic freaks!" Paulie argued, looking back up and spreading his arms out as he spoke. Vinnie simply rolled his eyes and put the magazine back into the firearm, he placed the gun on top of the shirts and suit jackets. "After everythin' I've done and gotten us outta, you think some pricks who bite more than normal can take me out?" He asked, almost looking offended at that statement.

Paulie opened his mouth in an attempt to speak, but couldn't think of anything to say without pissing off Vinnie, and that would just lead to an entirely worse scenario. "Listen, I appreciate that you're worried about me- but don't be!" Vinnie grinned, stepping in front of the other and placing his hands on his shoulder. "I can take on anythin', nothin' over there will be enough to put ol' Vinnie down for good."

While his confidence was comforting for a few moments, Paulie had a gut feeling that something was more screwed up than it seemed over there. "Vinnie, just let me come with you at least." Paulies arms dropped to his side as Vinnie backed away from him, "No can do, buddy. I need you here to take my place while I'm gone on this milk run." He denied it once more, backing away and going to the briefcase on the bed.

That was an understandable reason for Paulie to hang back, but that didn't mean he liked it. "Listen, it'll be a quick trip. When I get back, I'll take you to a bar or somethin', alright?" Vinnie tried to assure him, admittedly in a bit of a rush. "I gotta get goin', that boat'll be here soon to take me to Thugtown- can't miss my ride." He told him, grabbing onto a few rings and sliding them onto his fingers.

Paulie frowned but nodded, accepting the fact that he wouldn't be able to argue any further with Vinnie on this. "Alright, alright... Stay safe Vinnie, okay?" He told him, keeping a close eye as Vinnie slammed the briefcase shut and took a hold of its handle. "You know I will, oh- uh, listen, one last thing before I go-" The mobster began, rummaging around in his pocket before fishing out his houses keys.

He tossed them to Paulie who managed to catch them after a bit of fumbling, he pressed them against his chest before looking down. "Ashley's still here and I need you to take care of 'er, she's fine with being alone but just check in whenever you get a chance." Of course, the dog. Vinnie loved that thing more than he loved himself.

"You got it."

"You're a lifesaver, I'll see you soon. Now I gotta get goin'." Vinnie told him, turning around and walking out of the room. Leaving Paulie there alone in his bedroom, wasn't the first time he'd departed like this, and for some reason- Daniels had a feeling it wouldn't be the last.

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Local mobster gets fucking smoked (1928, colorized)

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Vinnie <333

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Vinnie: What 'ave I friggin' done to deserve HALF'A what's happened to me?!

Billy: You want the list in alphabetical or chronological order?

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"I got a weather forecast for ya, Louie! Its gonna be BLOODY! BLOODY- WITH A CHANCE OF BODYPARTS!"

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"IM ON THE WRONG SIDE OF HEAVEN

AND THE RIGHTEOUS SIDE OF HELL!"

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I wonder if Vinnie is immune to zombie poison, he could be also immune to tranquilizer darts

OOOH!! Hold on, thats a really good point- I don't know the science behind the zombie poison OR tranaquilizier darts but that definitely sounds like a possibility.

[gcnedark]

To my son boy Vinnie: if you had the chance to get a new outfit, what clothes would you choose?

Vinnie thought for a second, looking down to the suit he wore. "..eh, I dunno. Pretty happy with what I got right now." He said with a roll of his shoulders.

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I bet Vinnie could take on Jurassic compsognathuses

"...WHAT?!'

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Rustys from 1898 and Vinnies from 1928 💀 they don't understand anything new like phones or fuckin LED lights NDNSBABA

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Vinnie: I'm gonna take this flower, I'm gonna run up to people, and I'm gonna beat them to death with it. What do you mean I have deep seeded commitment issues?!