#the way vader was full of rage and power fucking terrifying

[purrvaire]

the duel between obi-wan and vader may have destroyed the last ounce of sanity i had left. i feel like i regressed to my primordial state. completely feral. im just making noises while shaking in a corner. im never recovering from this EVER

[gffa]

GOD I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS SCENE. THE WAY IT STARTS OUT WITH VADER’S CATWALK SASHAY TOWARDS THE SHIP YOU CAN SEE THE “WALK WALK MURDER BABY” ON FULL DISPLAY HE IS WORKING IT LOOK AT HIM BUT THEN! WHAT REALLY GETS ME ABOUT THIS SCENE IS THE SAME THING THAT RUNS THROUGHOUT THE EPISODE. I’VE SEEN DARTH VADER DO  A LOT OF SHIT YOUR PANTS LEVEL TERRIFYING THINGS, I’VE SEEN HIM MURDER CHILDREN IN THE MOVIES, I’VE SEEN HIM RIP APART A ROOM AND THROW THE WALLS AT PEOPLE IN JEDI: FALLEN ORDER, I’VE SEEN HIM SLICE THROUGH REBELS LIKE THEY’RE MERE SPEEDBUMPS IN ROGUE ONE, I’VE SEEN HIM CUT OFF INQUISITORS’ ARMS IN THE COMICS, I’VE SEEN HIS BITCHY REVENGE FANTASIES FOR OBI-WAN IN THE COMICS, I’VE SEEN DARTH VADER BE A TERRIBLE PERSON A LOT BUT SOMEHOW THIS SHOW ALWAYS MAKES IT MORE VISCERAL AND TERRIFYING PART OF IT IS SEEING IT IN 2022 LIVE ACTION BUT PART OF IT IS THAT THE ACTING IN THIS SERIES HAS REALLY KNOCKED IT OUT OF THE PARK EVEN WHEN YOU CAN’T SEE HIS FACE YOU CAN HEAR VADER’S STRAINING GROANS YOU CAN SEE HIS HAND TREMBLE YOU CAN FEEL HOW HE IS SO FULL OF FURY AND RAGE, THIS IS PERSONAL, THIS MATTERS TO HIM OBI-WAN KENOBI MATTERS SO MUCH TO HIM THAT HE’LL RIP THAT SHIP RIGHT OUT OF THE SKY AND THEN JUST SHRED IT TO PIECES THIS IS HOW POWERFUL ANAKIN SKYWALKER IS HE’S A GODDAMNED WALKING NIGHTMARE THAT I AM ALTERNATELY IMPRESSED BY AND TERRIFIED BY BUT IT’S ALSO HOW WEAK ANAKIN SKYWALKER IS BECAUSE HE’S SO BLINDED BY THAT RAGE HE CAN’T EVEN THINK STRAIGHT HE SO BADLY NEEDS TO WIN THIS FIGHT AGAINST OBI-WAN THAT IT SCRAMBLES HIS ASSHOLE CAT CHASING A LASER POINTER BRAIN AND HE MISSES WHAT’S RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM ALL THE WHILE BEING ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYING VADER IS TERRIFYING BECAUSE THIS IS THE POWER PUT IN THE HANDS OF SOMEONE WHO OBSESSES OVER THE PEOPLE HE LOVES, WHO GIVES IN TO HIS FEARS, WHO IS STILL QUAKING IN FEAR SOMEWHERE IN THERE BECAUSE HE HASN’T LEARNED A GODDAMNED THING SINCE HE WAS A PADAWAN BECAUSE ALL THAT POWER IS IN THE HANDS OF SOMEONE WHO HAS NO CONTROL OVER HIMSELF HE CAN TEAR A STARSHIP RIGHT OUT OF THE SKY HE CAN RIP IT INTO PIECES WITH JUST A THOUGHT AND THE REAL NIGHTMARE IS THAT IT’S ALL CENTERED IN SOMEONE WHO CHOSE THIS INSTEAD OF BECOMING THE PERSON HE COULD HAVE BEEN BUT ALSO GODDAMN LOOK AT HIM JUST PULL THAT MASSIVE SHIP DOWN LIKE THAT’S NOT A SHUTTLE OR A STARFIGHTER THAT’S A FULL ON FUCKING TRANSPORT SHIP AND THEN STILL HAVE THE POWER TO TEAR IT OPEN LIKE IT’S TISSUE PAPER JESUS CHRIST ANAKIN REALLY IS JUST FUCKOFF POWERFUL

[kyluxtrashpit]

Okay so now for the real post. I was prepared to write this whole big thing about the kylux fandom and why I’m staying despite some things and such but honestly the movie was pretty good? As some of you know, I was fucking TERRIFIED I’d have to leave the ship (also shoutout to those who helped calm me down; you know who you are <3). I have some quibbles, which I’ll get into below, but overall it was pleasantly surprising. FYI this post of full of spoilers and please remember I spoiled myself on a good amount of it before going in. I’m also very happy I did

And also… this was all 100% in line with the headcanons I already had for kylux? I’ve seen a lot of people freaking out and jumping ship and saying we need to completely reimagine the characters, which, sure, if you want to, go nuts, but idk I didn’t personally get anything like that? Snoke pitting them against each other, because you know if he talked shit about Hux to Kylo, he’s definitely doing it the other way around too. And yes, Kylo does attack Hux, but Hux was also about to kill him before he woke up, even if Kylo doesn’t know that, so we’re in exactly the same place as before. I could talk a lot about why their characterizations are exactly in line with the way I saw and wrote them before and why Kylo taking on the mantle of Supreme Leader does not mean Hux is inferior to him in practice in any way, shape, or form, but this post is way too fucking long already so I’ll save it for another day

Instead, here’s a list of Thoughts in no particular order:

Kylo was fucking PHENOMENAL. This. This is what I wanted. My boy being unstable as fuck and making terrible split-second impulse decisions and getting himself in way over his head. He’s going to regret taking the throne in like 3 days. Guaranteed. He’s made the biggest mistake of his life and he doesn’t even know it yet because he has no idea what he actually wants, just saw an opportunity and went ‘oh shit… the throne is empty… wait. I know how to sit?? I could sit on it??? YES THIS IS A GREAT IDEA I’M THE NEW LEADER FUCK YES’. I fucking love my disaster boy. I love him so much I can’t even articulate it

Also like… Rey shows him one small moment of kindness and he’s immediately like ‘someone was nice to me??? okay cool this is all it took to convince me to kill my abusive mentor for the last better part of a decade who’s been in my head for almost my entire life just because of that’ and like… that is both the most Kylo thing I’ve ever seen and the biggest mood I’ve ever had. This is why we always wrote Hux capable of manipulating him and why Snoke was able to manipulate him; Kylo aches for positive attention from literally anyone

“I want every gun we have to fire on that man” JFC HONEY NO. But on a more serious note, the second the mask comes off, all of his control is gone. He’s trying so hard to assert his dominance and power over everyone he encounters because he thinks that will make him feel better, that it’s what he wants, but he’s so fucking out of control and out of his depth that it just utterly falls flat, just like in tfa after the mask came off. He can Force choke and throw people all he wants, literally no one is fooled. He has no idea what he’s doing and it’s staggeringly obvious

I also really liked seeing baby Ben, even for just like 10 seconds

Literally the only Kylo thing I did not like were his pants. Like goddamn boy, that waist is way too high. No wonder your temper is so finicky. I’d be angry too if I was wearing uncomfortable, excessively high-waisted pants all the time

I, too, did not like the dumb humour with Hux (see: the entire opening bit. Like literally all of it; Poe should not have been able to pull that off and Hux is not that stupid) but I also still see the Hux I’ve come to love in there. The snark, pulling a gun without hesitation on Kylo for the double tap but being smart enough to hide it when he wakes up, the entire command shuttle bit (except the Force throw – that was unnecessary), and especially that glare of absolute rage and hatred at Kylo once he turns away inside the base on Crait. I’m okay with tired disaster Hux and you can tell he’s already planning a coup. The army seems to still be under his control anyway; he just needs to wait until Kylo finishes digging his own grave and then give him that extra push into it

That said, I’m really glad we got to see Hux bitch slap someone, even if I wish it hadn’t been Finn

Rose was the other highlight of the movie right up until the kiss with Finn. I loved their interactions but the unnecessary heterosexuality was just… no. And then the bit at the end that definitely looked towards a love triangle? *loud gagging noises* no, fuck that shit. Literally everything else with her was absolutely amazing though, especially the Canto Bight stuff

Finn felt… off somehow? I can’t explain why, but he just felt like a weaker character here. Finn was really compelling in tfa and I really wanted more with him and to learn more about him, but I feel like he didn’t do much? The fight with Phasma was a little underwhelming (also she deserved to go out more impressively than that) and most of the other stuff was someone else instigating and him just going along. He seemed… too passive, maybe? I can’t put my finger on what was off, but I didn’t like it and I’m a little let down there. I also really wanted him to be Force-sensitive and really felt he was built up to be. How else was he the only person to ever break FO conditioning?

Poe was also… not how I imagined? I always saw him as the ‘calm pal’ kinda guy but I guess he’s a little more jumped up than I expected. Not a gripe, per se, but just surprising. They also very much did demote him from main character status, which is kinda sad

Admiral Holdo was a fucking boss and I love her. So was Leia for most of it (expect what was with that space scene?). Fuck yeah powerful older women. I need so much more immediately. However, I also wish Leia had gotten more time and it also saddens me that she’s now lost her entire family. Yes, she has the Resistance, and Poe and Rey and Finn, but she has no one from her past. Literally no one. Leia had already lost so much coming into this trilogy and it’s absolutely tragic that all she did was lose more. Leia deserved better, but with Carrie gone, we know Leia won’t be getting it in 9

DJ WAS FANTASTIC. I did not see that coming. And I hope we never see him again because it would ruin the purpose of his character

I liked most of Rey’s arc. I wasn’t sure about the Force bond (I knew about it beforehand) but it ended up working for me and was actually really cool. I still do not ship r*ylo at all (it’s just not for me, ship what you want), but their interactions are intriguing and I can understand why things played out how they did. Rey wanted help for the rebellion and a teacher. She thought that was Luke, but it wasn’t, and then she thought that was Kylo, but it wasn’t. I think she just needs to realize that maybe it’s up to her to be the one to help the rebellion. She’s figured out most of the Force on her own already; I don’t think she needs a teacher. Although the jealous look towards Finn and Rose was just awful. I’m also very concerned for her arc in 9 because I swear if they make it all about trying to save Kylo, I’d be fucking pissed. She’s her own character. She doesn’t exist to help him

I’m also… not sure I buy Rey being a nobody? It’s either a lie or just bad writing to lead up to it. Because in tfa, it’s always ‘who’s the girl?’, ‘what girl?’, etc. I also always got the feeling that Kylo knew who she was, somehow? And why did the Skywalker family lightsaber choose her over Kylo? Why does she have the same amount of power as Kylo if there’s no relation whatsoever? How are her parents buried on Jakku if she saw a ship flying away? I just feel like it was built up to lead elsewhere and then it didn’t. Then again, it is possible Kylo is lying or only thinks he knows, but idk. It’s not that I hate the idea of her being a nobody, but the execution of it was tremendously clumsy

As for Luke… I don’t know. Luke has never been the kind of person to attack first. He is a gentle flower. The entire point of him is his idealism, his hope, his kindness. Even if it was in a moment of instinct, of fear, I don’t think he’d pull a lightsaber first on anyone, especially a family member, no matter how much Dark was in him. Luke saw the Light in Darth Vader, of all people. That it was stressed to be an accident and for Luke to realize he’d fucked up big helped, but I still don’t know if I buy it. I understand bringing flaws to Luke, but I don’t think these were the right flaws to bring. I… don’t know. I haven’t decided how I feel about this yet. And also his death was just odd? What killed him? Was the implication that Force-projecting that far is too hard? Idk, it was really strange and I didn’t get it. I need to think on how I feel about it. Also ‘see you around, kid’ was a pretty dumb last line. Even though I’m pretty sure it was more a promise/threat than anything else. He’s going to be haunting the shit out of everyone

I really liked the crystal foxes. I want 10 of them immediately. However, I have no strong feelings one way or the other on the porgs

THE FUCKING IRON. Jfc I was like ‘omfg that ship looks like an iron, that’s so ridiculous’ AND THEN IT WASN’T A SHIP, IT WAS JUST AN IRON. It was inordinately funny to me. I lost my shit and my friend gave me a dubious look

I wish we’d seen the KOR and I really, really hope we do in 9. Come on, JJ, I believe in you. Let me see the rest of the disaster children in action

Yoda’s cameo was kinda dumb and unnecessary. I know that was supposed to be the moment that changed Luke’s mind but… ehhh. I could’ve done without

The bit at the end with the random kid was also stupid and I wish they’d cut it

Now the biggest thing is… where the fuck are they going with 9? The Resistance is 10 people in the Falcon, the Order is being run by a guy who has absolutely no fucking clue what he’s doing and a second in command that is ready to murder the shit out of him the second he gets the chance. Leia probably won’t be there, so the OT trio is gone. This movie was also weird because it was like… the span of a day and a half? At most? It’s a really strange timeline to go with imo and it’s going to make 9 hard. I’m scared Rey will become an accessory to Kylo’s story (which is most likely going to end up as an even more ham-fisted redemption arc than it would’ve been if it had started in 8). Like no one is in a powerful place. If there were 2 more movies coming, I think it would work, but with only 1? Ehhhh, idk. I have faith in JJ but in some ways he’s been written into a corner, I think. We’ll have to see, I guess

[sailtheplains]

Star Wars talk - Darth Snookie

Let’s discuss Star Wars.

 Okay, I will admit, the countdown on the Rebel transport was kinda cheezy and felt a little forced. But, I did like that Poe seemed to take a real lesson from it (though that brings up the question of why the General didn’t tell anyone her plan when Poe asked her to---that seemed kinda dumb).

 The introduction of Rose, I thought, was cool. Especially as a Vietnamese-American actress. I really admire their efforts to diversify Star Wars.  And I like that we didn’t end up in another seedy bar but in a casino—because we have to remember, the Star Wars universe is fucking huge. We’ve only seen a tiny sliver of it. So I actually didn’t really mind them taking their little side trip to….wherever the hell that was. To pick up the dude from The Usual Suspects, Benici Del Toro, who I thought was an interesting addition and I wonder if we’ll be seeing him again sometime. He’s a great actor. I feel like it would be a waste to throw away that character.

 BB8 returns as well to show us that he and R2D2 are the only fuckmothering Gryffindors up in here.

  But the two elements I really loved, was Mark Hamil back as an older, more jaded, Luke Skywalker. And the strange bond developing between Rey and Kylo.

 First, Luke Skywalker—because this was what almost got me into an argument with my roommate’s brother-in-law on Christmas day. They wanted Luke Skywalker to remain this legend, a myth. But he didn’t. Because Luke never thought of himself as a legend. He killed Darth Vader, yeah, but he didn’t want to. He didn’t relish it. It wasn’t satisfying to him. Vader was his father. And the Dark Side of the Force destroyed Anakin from the core.  

 Luke never thought of himself as this “great master”. He was barely trained when he first faced Vader. He was a terrified kid. That fight changed him. When we meet him in Return of the Jedi, he’s clearly grown but still has a tendency to not always plan ahead. Yoda then leaves him, just as Luke is coming to terms with how little he actually knows about the Jedi at all.

 Luke was not raised as a Jedi. And Luke correctly identifies it as a religion. Because that’s what it is. He makes a very good point to Rey, that the Force exists whether there are Jedi and Sith or not. All they did was give it a name. The Jedi became romanticized, deified—because its totally true. (Folks don’t like Luke Skywalker being a real human.)

 But Luke studied the Force and the way of the Jedi anyway, even after the fall of the Empire and presumably all through Leia’s reconstruction of the galactic government or whatever. He found out about the Jedi temples and the sacred texts—who knows how, really (Wookiepedia, presumably). He gathered what he could to teach those who came to him, including his own nephew, Ben Solo. But the only expertise he had was his own and whatever advice he may have picked up during his very short training sessions with Kenobi and Yoda. (It’s still a little odd to me that Luke and Leia never, like, got together to study the Force or something. She clearly can use it as well.)

 So he attempts to train these dozen or so kids, gets spooked by something he sees in his nephew and decides to go get a read on him.

 The Light Side of the Force took one look at Ben and was like, “Nope.”

 And Luke has a moment where it was instinctive for him to snuff out any Dark that he found, even if it was his own nephew.

 That was the turning point. Cue the awkward wake up where Ben, a scared young man, sees his uncle standing over him with a lightsaber and panics. And that was it—everything Luke has put together, dashed in a single night.

 Though, of course, Kylo does not explain what happened himself. He simply asks Rey if she knew, and if Luke told her. But he never actually states his interpretation of what happened—except for the bit about thinking his uncle was going to kill him. But he never claims to have killed the other apprentices. Kylo does the same thing about Rey’s parents, claiming to know who they are—and then asking her if she knows who they were. When she says “no one”, he goes with it. So it was hard to tell what exactly he did know about her and what was him probing for information. But more on this later.

 Of course, he could have killed his nephew and potentially saved his temple. But he would likely never forgive himself for killing another member of his own family just for the Force.

 That was the point. The Jedi had become so stagnant and sterile that, as Luke notes, at the height of their power—Sidious took over the fucking Senate and gave rise to Darth Vader and no one figured it out? Maybe the Jedi and the Sith had become too polarized. Maybe it wasn’t Good and Bad so much as simply Defend and Attack.

 Because Luke was not raised in the Jedi order, he was able to step back from it and look passed the façade of myth surrounding the Jedi and Sith. It’s no different from an Atheist getting into a religion and wanting to study it first. So Luke studies and finds some shady shit.

 So that, plus him nearly instinctively killing his nephew—and having all that go to shit—he retreats from using the Force. Because the Force is as much a blessing as a curse. 

Yeah, the Force is strong in his family: his father is dead, his mother is dead, his adoptive aunt and uncle are dead, Ben Kenobi is dead, Yoda is dead, his friends from back home are dead, he lost his hand, he lost his home, he never knew his sister, he had to kill his father, he nearly killed his own nephew. Was that a religion he really wanted to be part of?

 And Luke steps back to look at this religion and way of life and finds it full of holes and bullshit. And after his temple burns, nephew disappears and apprentices are slaughtered….he probably feels pretty fucking terrible. Because again, Luke wasn’t arrogant. He had a lot of doubt. He didn’t believe in himself very much. And he saw that as a terrible failure. Like he destroys everything he touches. Had he driven Ben Solo to the dark side or had Ben gone on his own? And if so, why? How? What had turned Anakin? Luke doesn’t really know. So he turns the blame inward.

 It’s actually a very human response. So he leaves Leia to politics and stops connecting to the Force—to get his shit figured out, likely. And after everything he suffered—maybe he just wanted somewhere quiet. He was never a statesman. That was Leia. Ben Kenobi went to be a hermit and maybe he unconsciously followed that example. Trauma will do that to people.

 So then this kid shows up with a lot of inherent power and we get a little montage of her following him around, which he grumpily tolerates. But bits of young Luke Skywalker still shine through—he was always a little bit of a smart-ass. More subtle than Han. It’s nice to see that again.  (Though when he realized Chewie is there with the Falcon and Han isn’t. I was like, “Oh!” ;_;)

 I thought it was a good touch to bring Yoda back and remind us that Luke was just a man. Always looking at the horizon. His mind was never on where he was and what he was doing. And that’s just who Luke was as a person. And he still is. Because he wasn’t a god. He wasn’t perfect. He wasn’t Jesus. He was just a farmer from a dirtball outer rim planet.

 And you realize how very young Luke still is compared to Yoda and how much he still doesn’t know and will never be able to know. He was a ‘master’, yes. But only because there was no one else. Compared to other species in the galaxy with the ability to use the Force—he might still be a young man. Just like Yoda addresses him as, “Young Skywalker”

 I thought it was actually really cool that instead of blindly following the Jedi Order, Luke steps back and examines it—contemplating whether to change it or just let it die out completely.

 And then he decides to come back to the Force to help them. I don’t see what all the Fankids are bitching about. It was some nice character work for Luke, because he has suffered a lot and he never really saw himself as anything special. (Also, I burst out laughing when he brushed his shoulder off. Luke Skywalker throws some bomb shade.)

 This brings me to Rey and Kylo Ren. So Snookie takes a page from Voldemort’s book and establishes a brain link between Rey and Kylo—presumably, without the latter’s knowledge—as Leader Snoke seems to indicate when taunting Rey about it. 

This leads to some interesting moments that feel….uncomfortable, weird, almost intimate. But at the same time, it’s intriguing to watch them attempt to communicate. She is the more ‘naïve’, I would guess and it’s not a big mystery to say that a young woman who is accustomed to a life of hardship would be made uncomfortable by Kylo without his shirt while also sharing a weird mindlink with him somehow.

 But at the same time…she’s trying to learn about him and knowing that he’s Han’s and Leia’s son—and she totally thinks those two are/were cool as shit—she’s determined to try, at least.

 Especially after Kylo brings her to Snookie. It was difficult to really tell if he had planned the entire thing or decided on a whim to kill Snook. So it’s hard to say what Kylo’s real goal is. This movie kind of displays what makes Kylo Ren so different from other Star Wars villains. Human Sith are almost always portrayed in the films as menacing, calculated and cold. Kylo is different. He’s the Zuko of this team.

 Luke said that Snook had gotten to Ben before he went to check on him at the temple. So how and when did Snook get in contact with Ben Solo originally? How old was Ben when Luke started his training?

 So now you have an unstable young man with a lot of inherent power and a lot of rage, frustration and self-hatred. There is just so much of it. Enough of it that Kylo somehow hid his intentions from Snookie. 

Kylo kind of gets a lot of shit because he is kind of awkward, almost. Socially, physically, emotionally. He’s so driven and passionate and intense about everything he seems to do. And now that he appears to be in control of the Order….now what will he do? He lets himself give in to the intensity and aggression of the Dark Side. Not unlike Zuko and his chaotic firebending. Only Ben doesn’t have an Uncle Iroh anymore.  

  So, overall, yeah—some bits dragged, the Resistance thing is kinda meh. How the Senate keeps getting fucked up is kinda crazy—yeah, some of that was pretty thin. But I like what they’re working on with the characters. It could end up being really interesting. And Poe finally meets Rey—which was kinda cute for a minute. I’d like to go see it again to keep examining the details.

[smonksthemuse]

In which the Queen speaks, Vader is Spoken To, things really do escalate this time, and four becomes three

here on my AO3

Breha Organa, Queen of Alderaan, had been called many things. Focused and determined, some said. Canny and wise, said others. Intuitive, regal, graceful and kind were also common descriptors. The most popular word by far, though, was sharp.

Breha had heard that word, ‘sharp’, used in many ways in regard to herself. Sometimes it was her intellect people referred to, or her wit. Sometimes it was her demeanor, her voice, her expression or her eyes. The word had even been used to describe her wardrobe.

‘Sharp’ was how Breha felt right now. As she heard Vader’s words rumble from his armored chest, as she watched shock fill her daughter’s face, as she and Bail lived through their worst nightmare, Breha felt sharp. It was a mixture of panic and rage.

“The truth that I am your father,” Vader said.

“The hell you are,” Breha hissed.

All three of them turned to look at her. She had been silent until now, but no longer. Breha was terrified for her life, and for the lives of her husband and daughter, but almost moreso she was angry. She was furious beyond belief at the hulking machine of a man standing before them. He dared call himself Leia’s father? He had no right.

Breha wasn’t going to let this go on the way Vader wanted. She wasn’t going to stand back and let him speak of how Leia had been ‘stolen’ from him, how he was her parent and how Bail and Breha, the people who had loved and raised her, were not. How he had been wronged and betrayed, how Bail and Breha would pay for their crimes, how Leia would come away and serve the Emperor alongside him.

He would not say those words. Breha wouldn’t allow him. No, she was going to speak now. She was going to let Darth Vader know exactly what she thought of all this, and of him, and of a number of other things that she had silently steamed over for the last nineteen years. She didn’t care about his powers or his bloodlust. He had come here, and he was going to listen.

“Breha…?” Bail looked at her nervously. He was probably even more worried now, Breha thought. Her husband was oftentimes more cautious than she, and that could be both a good and bad thing. He had likely still hoped they could find a way to convince Vader he had made a mistake, or at least stall him with diplomacy and discussion long enough to think of a plan. But that sort of strategy would be no use here. Even if Vader was open to finding a solution that didn’t involve their deaths, Breha had already begun, and she always finished what she began.

“What exactly,” Vader growled, stepping forward, “do you mean by that, Queen?”

“I mean that you are not her father in any way that matters, and I won’t stand for you claiming otherwise!” Breha stepped forward as well, even though she had to crane her neck up even further to look at him. “You have done nothing to earn the right to be called her father, quite the opposite, in fact! After everything you’ve done, you don’t deserve to look at her!”

Vader snarled. “I -”

Breha cut him off. “No! We! We are her parents! Bail and I, not you!”

Her fists were clenched now, her jaw tight, heart pumping faster. “We raised her. We loved her. We took care of her and kept her safe. You were off killing in the name of the Empire. You were securing the rule of a dictator who has brought nothing but death and destruction to the Galaxy. You were choking the life out of planets, systems, and people without remorse.” Breha took another step forward, looked him dead in the eyes of the mask, and said her next words quietly and deliberately.

“Just like you did to Padmé.”

Vader snapped his hand up and suddenly the air was gone from Breha’s lungs. The pressure around her neck was excruciating, unbearable, so tight she couldn’t even exhale, much less inhale like she so desperately needed to. Her vision went spotty, patches of dark wavering in front of her eyes. She couldn’t feel anything but the pain in her throat and lungs, but she heard Bail and Leia shouting. It was distant and dull though, like the panicked heartbeat pounding in her ears. The blackness was taking over, and she was falling into it, down and away…

-eha? Breha? Breha, please-

Mother! Mother, can you hear me? Wake up! Mama-

People were talking… Bail and Leia?

-wear on my life I will kill you for this! I’ll kill you!

Leia, we need to focus on your mother-

What was that deep, rumbling sound? A voice? Vader?

Shut up! You evil, murdering son of a -

Breha coughed, and the fire in her throat grew ten-fold. It was agony, like pure liquid pain was coating the inside of her windpipe. It made her cough even more, and tears sprang to her eyes as the pain became worse.

“Breha!”

“Mama!”

She felt hands on her, gently propping her up and touching her face. She heard anxious murmurs and cracked open her eyes to see the two blurry figures of her husband and daughter above her.

“Bail, Leia,” she tried to say, but it brought the coughing back full-force. Her voice was weak and raspy, and she was immediately shushed by her family.

“Don’t speak, love,” Bail said, voice tight with worry and anger. “He strangled you. Just keep breathing.”

“He tried to kill you,” Leia seethed. Her face was twisted in absolute rage.

“She should not have spoken of things she does not understand.” Vader’s loud, rough voice came from the left and Breha flinched. “I would advise you, Queen Organa, not to mention Senator Amidala to me again. I will not allow the Princess to sway my hand so easily a second time.”

Leia began to speak, but Bail interrupted. “The Queen needs medical attention,” he said sharply.

“Our discussion is not finished, Organa,” Vader growled. “The Queen is well enough to remain.”

“I am going to call for medical attention,” Bail said, voice quiet and cold. Breha had rarely heard her husband use that tone, but the few times he employed it, he had gotten what he wanted.

This time was no different. After a tense few beats of silence, Vader acquiesced. “Very well,” he grumbled. “Call. But you and the Princess will remain here and we will continue our talks.”

Leia stood up from where she and Bail knelt holding Breha. “Absolutely not!” she said furiously. “I’m going with my mother, you -”

“Leia.” Breha forced the word out despite the rush of pain it brought. Bail shushed her, but she ignored him. Leia looked back at her, and she continued. “Stay with your father, Leia. I’ll be alright.”

She took a rasping breath and turned her head, the slight movement causing her vision to waver. She waited for it to clear and said, “Vader.”

His mask tilted down to look at her.

“We are not finished.”

Vader didn’t answer. Bail made the call for aid, and no one spoke again until the medics, accompanied by several guards, arrived with a hover-gurney to take Breha to the palace medical wing.

As they left the room and began quickly down the hall, medics already beginning to examine her, Breha sent a prayer to every Alderaanian god, goddess, spirit and saint that she had ever heard of, and a prayer to the Force itself.

Please, keep them safe. Keep Bail and Leia safe.

it’s literally been like seven months since I updated this fic fuck me

anyway I hope you like it, and don’t worry Breha will definitely make a return

[nny11writes]

Three’s A Crowd 1

Have some self indulgent nonsense.

Also, I tagged this but in case you don’t have them blocked cw/tw for suicidal ideation, possible body horror, and abusive relationships. Most of it isn’t in graphic detail in this story, but I’d rather safe than sorry.

Please let me know if you’d like me to add any tags to this!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You’re still trying to meditate through the suffocating darkness when his blatant glaring becomes too much. Well, “glaring”, you suppose. Somehow even without his own separate body Vader has learned how to make it feel like he’s outside of you. Maybe it’s Malachor? It fills you with a petty sort of joy to know that for all his terrible power and overbearing ego, the most powerful thing he can pull from the Sith planet is the ability to annoy you.

You must know by now that this is a fruitless endeavor.

Stars a-fucking-bove, he has the most pretentious vocabulary and snooty tone of anyone you’ve ever met. And you grew up in the Temple!

His shape almost changes in the back of your mind, into an oily black with iridescent purple highlights. It’s his own petty little joy at annoying you.

(Like this is even your fault!)

Your pitiful whinging serves no meaningful purpose.

“I,” you hiss, huff out a lung full of air before starting again with a softer tone, “I am full to rights to be upset about this.”

For a moment, just a moment, there’s a golden warmth from him. You’re just hangry. The sensation is gone as quick as the jab. Vader has a knack for drowning Anakin back under with a snarl.

“If you don’t like my attitude you are welcome to leave. Anytime you want in fact.” You wish that wouldn’t sound so childish. It’s an uncomfortable reminder of the power dynamic you once shared with the monster hitching a free ride in your body. It makes you feel small and stupid in a way you haven’t since you were a teenager.

His shadows snap and you hate feeling so hurt by his disappointment. His voice is grating in your mind, You know full well I cannot.

When you were dueling him at the top of the Temple, the honest truth is that you didn’t expect to survive the encounter. You hoped that you could kill him, stop his reign of darkness and terror, or at least slow him down enough for the others to escape. It wasn’t suicidal, or at least you’re pretty sure it wasn’t. You just knew that he was bigger, stronger, and a Sith Lord on a Sith planet who maybe had a big reason to want to murder you violently. Something went wrong though. No, that’s a little harsh. You did stop him at least but the price was some sort of bantha fodder deus ex machina which left you alive and crushed under his corpse.

Then you’d felt him explode from somewhere behind your heart and you’d struggled to breath.

Then you hadn’t had any control at all.

Vader had pushed his own body off of you, staring at your grime encrusted hands in horror. There had been an icy chill, and you couldn’t breathe, and then Vader coughed while brining your hand to your throat. You couldn’t feel your body when he stood and you couldn’t control it as he moved. He’d lurched sideways as if trying to shove himself back into his own form. When that failed he’d tried to leave the now sealed temple. You refused to help (you didn’t know how to help). You would literally rather starve to death than help Vader escape while wearing your body like a flesh suit.

The two of you had squabled like children fighting over a beloved toy. Yanking control of your body back and forth between one another. Each time you were forced aside was just as jarring as the first, and each time he took it back you felt him grow weaker.

He couldn’t take over, not fully and not for long. Not as long as you don’t want him to.

You couldn’t get rid of him though.

“It’s called positive thinking Vader, it makes me hopeful to imagine a future where I’m not trapped with you.” You make your voice sickeningly sweet, smirking as if he can see your face. Maybe he can.

Vader roils with disgust but falls silent.

You count it as a victory, even as you stand to stretch out all the pains in your body. You work slowly so the world doesn’t go spinning out from under your feet again.  Yesterday, or at least the last time you’d been awake for a while, you got up too fast and fainted. You’d woken up near the exit with Vader’s rage howling around your montrals when he failed to open the door again.

Right now you know that Vader is trying to check out of this experience for a while, apparently mortified and furious over your weakness. You’re not sure what to think about the fact that he still frames you as his apprentice. That you can feel his anger at you failing him and you can feel Anakin’s faint worry over your health under that. It’s uncomfortable and unwanted attention from them both (or just him?). You wish you could claim this is a weird one off, but instead this has become your life now. Everyday shockingly similar and painfully dull, interspersed with terrifying moments where you can’t control your own body and get to see glimpses of someone long gone.

Vader pulls himself back, as far away from you as he can. His viscous shadowy form compacting itself down into the smallest sphere it can. It makes a hollow popping sound when it forms and leaves the smell of sulfur clinging to your skin.

“Petulance doesn’t suit you.” You say, even as you’re grateful for the reprieve. And the smart thing to do would have been to shut up. Too bad it doesn’t even cross your mind to not poke the rancor. “That’s more an Anakin thing I think.”

For one moment your whole body feels like it’s on fire. You howl and drop back to the ground, roughly catching yourself on hands and knees as you start to dry heave from the phantom pain. The echo fades fast enough, but leaves you dizzy and disoriented. You’d count this as a victory, except you know that Vader could have taken over in that moment. That he could have easily overridden you as you flailed to the floor. He either gave you pity, enjoyed watching your pain from a distance, or…or-

Anakin Skywalker is dead. Do not delude yourself. His voice is a whisper that echoes back and forth, shifting tones and crumbling into a fine sand.

(There’s a faint sensation of vicious pride, that golden warmth pulses just below the freezing cold surface of Vader’s mind. If Anakin really is still there, he’s getting stronger.)

“Keep telling yourself that,” you wheeze before collapsing onto your side.

It feels like you’ve been crushed by two cruisers and hit with a full barrage of ion torpedoes. Maybe it’s because there’s two of you now, your capacity to feel pain has gone somewhere off the charts. You hope he doesn’t feel like this all the time, and immediately snort at yourself for the wasted compassion. Before long the dust on the floor clogs your nose and throat, and eventually you manage to roll onto your back just to stop choking to death. It’s only once there, uncomfortably lying on your rear lek that you acknowledge it might be better to roll onto your stomach and just speed the process up.

Vader is oddly quiet considering your burst of ideation. When you thought about throwing yourself down into one of the Temple’s many pits he’d sneered at you in disgust. When you’d considered impaling yourself on your own blades he’d taunted you for it, offering to take control of your arms to have the honor.

You weren’t suicidal when you faced Vader in that duel.

You are willing to admit that you are becoming less mentally stable everyday that passes with a Sith Lord stuck in your head. Also that whole trapped with no way to leave thing. Certainly put a damper on your positive outlook. Hopeless. On top of that, no one from Phoenix has come back to look for you and you really don’t blame them. But there’s something to be said for the irony of being abandoned again. There’s something to be said for the irony of your little promise to Anakin too. You really need to learn to how to let your attachments go. At least your attachment to your physical body is growing smaller everyday. Maybe if the starvation doesn’t get you first you can finally convince Vader that the best option is clearly to end it now.

Vader’s little sphere shudders, images of pits and fires and the endless vacuum of space rush past your mind’s eye so fast that the floor feels alarmingly like it’s tilting. You don’t start rolling though and force yourself to think through the way your empty stomach is doing flips. Those aren’t your memories. Those aren’t your emotions telling you to end it now.

You growl when you put two and two together. “And you’re bitching at me for it now? What the hell?”

The shuddering grows before finally going silent. It takes you an embarrassingly long time to realize that means he’s afraid. That’s fair. You’re not sure where his little parasitic mind would go once your body is out of the picture. The image of him piloting your shambling, decomposing corpse actually makes you laugh. It’s not funny.

His reluctant hiding leaves you feeling lighter. Like a giant weight is lifted off your chest and it makes you laugh more to realize it’s thanks to the two of you no longer fighting over your breathing pattern. He’s just letting you have full control. Letting you manipulating the way he’s being forced to experience the galaxy right now. This is what he’s finally giving up over? Now? He’s giving up now? Your sides ache and your throat burns as you cover your face, hiccuping through the last few chuckles.

It’s funny because you were basically ready toy step aside and let him do whatever he wanted. You’re tired. You’re just so tired and you’re pretty sure your body will perish before he can do anything with it. It’s cruel but you wanted to see him reach the stars again, only to burn out of existence entirely.

“Sure you don’t want this? One hot mess ready to go.” You pretend it doesn’t unnerve you when he doesn’t respond.

You don’t remember falling asleep.

You do remember snippets of your nightmare.

Of chains around your hands and throat, of being pulled and pushed and stripped naked so your full price can be assessed. The way your mother’s hands carded through your hair as she rocked you to sleep. The way your mother’s hand fell limp from your face as she died.

Vader stays silent when you probe at him, so instead you haul yourself up and crawl to the nearest wall. You’re at least sitting up when you try to sink back into the Force. He leaves you be for the whole session.